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Life's Journey

Chapter 14

“NO! NO! NO! Sean, you aren’t getting it. Hell you wrote this thing, can’t you get into the character? Show some feelings, damn it! Put yourself into the character’s position. Here you are being chased by a gang of FAG HATERS, they have threatened to rape you and kill you. You are scared out of your mind. You are hiding in the alley asking yourself how you got into this situation. Now go back to the beginning of the scene and start over.” The director ordered.

Sean went back to his mark and they started again. He bent down and huddled in the corner of the set that looked like a city alley. Trash was scattered all over the stage, garbage cans and boxes were on either side of Sean. He sat there for a few minutes trying to get into the character he was suppose to be playing. He just couldn’t find the right feelings. He had shut them off for too long to let them go again. He was shaking his head as he tried to picture himself as the character he was to portray. Suddenly right in front of his eyes, he saw David in a hospital bed. He looked like he was dead. Not moving, not breathing on his own. Wires and tube were attached all over his body. Tears started running from Sean’s eyes as he remembered what they had gone through. It seemed like it was centuries ago. He looked up toward the audience, the tears now streaming down his face.

“GOD HELP ME! Why do I have these feelings, these desires? Tell me God, why did you let this happen?”

There was the sound of people running and yelling.

“Where did he go?”

“I thought I saw him run down this way. He sure is fast for a fag.”

“He won’t be very fast after I get through with him.”

Sean pushed himself deeper into the shadows. You could barley see him now as he cowered behind some boxes in the alley.

Sean again,

“They are going to kill me. They are going to rape me and kill me. Why? What did I do to them? I don’t even know these people.”

Sean was now shaking with fear. He curled up into a ball and sobbed quietly. The voices and running feet were heard again as his pursuers ran past the alley where he hid.

“OK! THAT WAS GREAT SEAN!” The director yelled as he ran up on the stage toward Sean.


Sean stayed curled up, not hearing the director. He was sobbing louder now.

“Sean, that’s it. You’ve got it. Wonderful job son.”

Sean slowly looked up at the director realizing where he was. He shakily stood up, wiping the tears from his face.

“I don’t know if I can do this.” He said as he walked off the stage and out the back door of the performing arts hall.

Sean stormed out of the door, tears still flowing. His mind jumbled with thoughts that he had suppressed since they moved to the city. He was angry, he was scared and he wanted to run away from it all. He was still seeing David in the hospital, near death. Sean ran and ran, not paying attention to where he was going. His ears only hearing the pounding of his feet on the pavement and his heart thumping in his chest. Sean ran until he collapsed, his body not able to take him any further. When he finally composed himself enough to look at his surroundings, he found that he was sitting in an alley almost identical to the one on the set. The same garbage cans, boxes and trash. The only difference was that the temperature was dropping rapidly as the fog rolled into the city.

He sat where he was trying to catch his breath when he heard voices.

“Where did he go?”

“I thought I saw him run down this way.”

“Did you see if he went into that alley?”

“I thought he turned but I couldn’t really tell.”

“He sure runs fast. Let’s check out the alley.”

Sean scooted further back into the shadows as he heard footsteps coming closer. His body started shaking with fear.

“Oh God, what have I done.” He said to himself.

“Sean! Sean are you in here?” A voice called.

Sean knew that voice.

“Sean, please come out.” It was David.

Sean jumped up and ran to David. As he approached his love, he opened his arms and threw them around the other. As David pulled Sean to him, Sean started sobbing with relief, almost collapsing again.

“Sean, what’s wrong? Are you ok?” David asked.

Sean had gone into shock and could not answer. All he could do is cry and tremble.

“We need to get him to the hospital.” David instructed the others.

They led Sean back up the street to Sam’s car and quickly got Sean to the hospital.

In the hospital waiting room Sam was pacing back and forth when David walked in from the examination room.

“David, did Sean tell you what happened?” Sam asked.

“No, he didn’t say anything, he doesn’t seem to be physically hurt. Something scared him very badly. The doctor gave him a sedative and he is asleep now. The nurse said what Sean was going through was just like what soldiers have when they return from a war. Post traumatic shock syndrome or something like that.”

“That is very serious. I have heard of it before. Do you have any idea why?”

“Not a clue. I’m worried Sam. I – I’m scared.” David said as he grabbed Sam and started crying.

“That’s ok David. Sean is in good hands now. He is safe here.” Sam said as he held David.

The doctor and nurse tried to get David to go home but he wouldn’t hear of it. He was going to stay. The doctor gave in and let David stay in Sean’s room for the night. David moved a chair next to Sean’s bed and held on to his hand, looking at the sleeping face of the one he loved. Tears started again as David worried about the man that was the center of his life.

Sean opened his eyes to light streaming through the window. He looked around but he didn’t recognize the surroundings. As his eyes traveled over the room, he realized he was in a hospital but he didn’t know how he had gotten there. Just as he was about to push the call button David came out of the small restroom.

“Good morning lover.” David said with a smile.

“David, what happened? Why am I here?”

“You don’t remember?”

“No, that last thing I remember was being at rehearsal.”

“Well, Sam and I decided to pick you up at rehearsal. We walked into the auditorium just as you ran off of the stage. The director was yelling at you to stop. Some of the actors and I ran after you and Sam went back out the front and got his car to follow. Damn Sean, you ran like a wild man. We chased you all over the city. Sam picked us up because you were leaving us behind. We saw you dart into an alley and that is where we found you and brought you here.”

“I - I don’t remember any of it. I don’t feel hurt, did something happen?” Sean asked.

“You were in shock. The doctor gave you a sedative. How do you feel now?”

“I feel great. Do you think I can go home?”

“I’ll check with the nurse.” David said as he turned and opened the door. He stopped, closed the door again and walked over to Sean.

“Sean, you scared me.” He said as he leaned down and kissed Sean.

Turning back to the door he left to inquire when Sean could be released.

Sean decided that he was going to leave even if they wouldn’t release him. He got out of bed and looked for his clothes. He found them hanging in the closet. As he dressed he noticed that they were filthy and smelled like garbage.

“What did I do last night. This is disgusting.” He said to himself.

David came back into the room with a nurse. Both looked at Sean with surprise seeing him dressed.

“Mr. Simon, what do you think you are doing?” The nurse demanded.

“I am going to go home.” Sean stated.

“Mr. Simon, you can not go home until the doctor releases you.”

“That is what you think. Am I prisoner here? Do you have the authority to incarcerate me? I don’t think you do. I am not a threat to myself or anyone else, therefor you do not have any grounds to keep me here.” Sean stared at the nurse with a look of determination on his face.

“Ok Mr. Simon, you are right but would you please wait a few minutes until the doctor arrives, he is on his way now.”

“Ok, I’m not unreasonable, I’ll give you this concession.”

The nurse left the room and Sean sat down on the edge of the bed. David walked over to the chair he had spent the night in and sat.

“Sean, are you sure you want to go home? Something happened to you yesterday and you need to find out what it was.” David pleaded.

“David, I am not physically injured. I am not insane. What reason is there to stay?” Sean replied as the doctor walked into the room.

“Mr. Simon, I see you are well this morning. The nurse tells me you want to go home or should I say, you demand to go home. I think that can be arranged but I would like you to talk to a psychiatrist. What we think occurred last night was PTSS or Post traumatic shock syndrome. This is usually caused by an event in your past that was very traumatic. It could have been mental or physical or both but it seems that you are suppressing that event and something triggered it yesterday. By exploring those memories under the guidance of a professional, you will be better able to deal with it when something triggers that emotion again.” The doctor explained.

“I guess it won’t hurt for me to talk to someone about it, what ever it is. But do I have to stay here?” Sean asked.

“No, you don’t have to stay here. It will be an outpatient service, at this facility or you can choose a psychiatrist yourself.”

“Ok, I’ll talk to our guardian and see who he recommends.”

“Very well Mr. Simon. I will need your guardian to sign your release before you can go.”

“I’ll call Sam.” David volunteered.

Sam arrived a few minutes later, they got Sean released and headed home. On the way, they talked to Sam about what he doctor had said.

“Sean I know a great psychiatrist, he is expensive but you can afford him. What is most important is that he is also gay. He will be able to understand what you are going through and you can talk to him about anything.” Sam said.

“That sounds great. I would feel a lot more comfortable talking to a gay psychiatrist. Maybe we can get to the bottom of what happened to me.”

As they parked the car, they saw Bill Rapton standing at the front door. He ran to the car talking rapidly.

“Sean, are you ok? What happened, did the director do something to upset you? I’ll fire him if he did. I won’t have you getting upset, it just won’t do.”

“Bill, settle down. I’m ok and no the director didn’t do anything. I am not sure what happened but it wasn’t his fault.” Sean explained.

“Good, very good because I would have a difficult time firing the director. He has been with me for years. He said you were wonderful, he told me that you really got into the part. He want’s you to write your character into the play more, he said that your performance would take the play over the top. Do you think you are up to doing that right away?” Bill urged.

“Bill, back off!” Sam said angrily.

“Sure Sam, sure. We are on a tight schedule here. This is costing me money.”

“Bill, Sean has been through a very traumatic experience. If you don’t back off, you will loose everything and I’ll make sure of it.” Sam threatened.

“Ok, ok. Please try to do a little. Ok Sean?”

“Sure Bill. I’ll work on the rewrites. Just have the director send over his outline.” Sean offered.

“Are you sure you’re up to this Sean?” Sam asked with concern.

“Sam, I feel fine. I think it would be good for me to do something other than sit around.”

“Ok, as long as you think you can handle it.” Sam conceded.

Bill left and the rest went into the house.

“I’m famished.” Sean said.

“I’ll see what I can find in the kitchen.” Sam volunteered.

David grabbed Sean’s hand and led him into the living room. He led Sean to the sofa and urged him to sit. David sat next to Sean and turned to him.

“Sean are you sure you’re ok?” David asked.

“Yeah, I’m fine. I don’t have any idea what happened yesterday.”

“I am glad. You scared me Sean. I love you so much.” David said as he leaned to Sean and kissed him.

They gently kissed, first just lip to lip until David forced his tongue into Sean’s mouth. As the two explored each other’s mouths their passion grew. Both young men were extremely excited.


To be continued......

Copyright S. John Holder 2000

If you have enjoyed reading this story, you will find other stories by me at John's Lovescape

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