The story is a work of fiction and has no basis in reality.

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Life's Journey

Chapter 2
Frist Love

"W-What did you say?" He asked me.

His puffy eyes looking into mine with sadness that went to his soul.

"Sean, I told you that I love you."

He just stared at me. His eyes getting bigger as what I had said started sinking in.

"You mean." He couldn't say it. "You mean that you think you are gay too?" He finally blurted out what has been so difficult for him to say his whole life.

"Oh Sean, I don't think I am gay, I know I am gay." I replied with a grin on my face.

"Oh shit." Was all he got out before he started crying again.

I sat there holding him and suddenly it hit me.

"Here I am. Holding the guy I have secretly loved for more than two years and he just told me that he is gay."

My heart started racing, I broke out in a sweat even though it wasn't hot. My body was shaking and then the tears started.

Here we sat, two teenaged boys, holding on to each other for dear life. Both of us shaking and crying like our mothers had just died. We were so overwhelmed with relief that we couldn't control ourselves. Both of us cried like that for a very long time before we were able to gain some composure.

Sean lifted his head and looked at me with the biggest smile I had ever seen on his face and what a beautiful face it is too. Damn, this guy is the most handsome, beautiful, gorgeous, sexy. Oh! I think I already told you that didn't I. Well, tough shit. You are going to hear it again and again if you keep reading.

Sean reached his hand behind my head and pulled me to him. He gently pressed his lips to mine giving me my first kiss. It was a short kiss and not real passionate, but man oh man was it the most wonderful kiss I had ever had. My toes curled, I couldn't breathe, my stomach did flip flops and of course I got one hell of a stiffy. He was just sitting there, his head inches from mine looking me in the eyes for some reaction. The only thing I could think of was that I wanted more of that. So, I kissed him back. This time making it last longer. Here I go again. The stomach, cold sweats, the whole reaction again. If I thought we could get away with it, I would stay like this forever.

After I finally came up for air, I shivered. This was too much. Sean was just staring into my eyes. Of course I was doing the same thing. I couldn't get enough of those green eyes of his. They were so damn sexy.

"Sean, I have something to tell you." I said.

"What is it David."

"Well, I have been in love with you from the first moment I saw you two years ago."

"Why didn't you say something before now?"

"What, you think I would tell you that I had a crush on you and you would either beat the shit out of me or never speak to me again? No way man. I needed you close to me. Even if it was just as a friend. I never even thought you could feel the same way about me as I do about you. Your being my friend has saved my life. That first day, I fell for you and found out you were the minister's son. That was it. I knew I never had a chance. I had given up on life. I was a nothing and that was what I was crying about that day when you found me. When you put your hand on my shoulder, I just about lost it right then and there., I....."

"David, slow down." He interrupted.

You see, when I get excited I have a tendency to start talking and not stopping until someone shuts me up and man was I excited.

"David, I saw you that first day too. I saw you watching, but not getting close. I didn't really think much about it. I just thought you were shy. When my dad was introducing us, I saw you walk off. Your chin was dragging the ground and I knew something was wrong. But I never would have guessed it was about me."

"You mean you actually noticed that I existed? I asked.

"Oh yes. Big time. I thought you were the cutest boy I had seen in my life. I was in complete denial about being gay, but I have always been attracted to guys since before I can remember." He paused and smiled at me. "But the moment I saw you, I just had to get to know you better. Hell, even if you weren't gay, I knew I had to be as close to you as much as I could."

Wow, I thought to myself. He felt, feels the same about me as I do about him. I was dizzy. I felt like I was going to pass out. Things got darker and darker. The next thing I knew, I was laying on the sofa in my living room.

"What happened?" I mumbled as things started coming into focus.

Standing above me was my folks and Sean.

"Hey man, you just kinda zonked out." Sean said.

"Wow, this is too much to take right now." I said.

My mother knelt down beside me and started stroking my hair like she always does when I am in need of comforting.

"How do you feel hon?" She asked.

"I feel fine now. Just a little dizzy."

"You just rest there for a while." She told me.

She got up and went to the kitchen. My dad looked at me with concern on his face.

"Sure your all right David?" He asked.

"Yes sir. I'm fine now."

With that he nodded and walked off. Sean sat down on the floor next to me and looked at me with sadness in his eyes.

"Don't worry Sean, I am fine, really!" I assured him.

"Damn, David, you scared the shit out of me."

"I don't know what happened but when I started thinking about everything that we talked about, the world started spinning and then it started getting darker and darker. I thought the sun was going down. The next thing I knew, I was laying here on the sofa." I told him.

"When you passed out, I was freaked. I couldn't think of what I was going to do, so I just picked you up and carried you back here. I was screaming my head off the whole way. When I got close to the house, your folks heard me and came running out. When your father got to me I collapsed. Good thing he was close enough to catch you or I would have dropped you on your head." He grinned.

"You carried me all the way back to the house? Wow man, I didn't know you were that strong." I said with astonishment.

"Hell, I didn't know I was that strong either." He replied.

Sean just sat there looking at me. I felt his hand touch mine and I wrapped my fingers around his. A bolt of electricity shot up my arm right into my heart. God! I love him. There isn't any other explanation for how I feel. I slowly sat up, still feeling a little dizzy but not too bad. I pulled Sean next to me. We sat there holding hands, just looking at each other. My mom came into the room. She stopped, looking at both of us. Sean tried to pull his hand away but I wouldn't let him. I looked back at my mother and slowly a smile appeared.

She walked over to us and hugged us both. "David, don't worry about it. I understand." I looked at her smiling and asked "Mom, do you really understand? Do you really understand that I love Sean?"

"Yes David. I think I have known for a while now. We can talk about this another time. Right now I want you to rest." She ordered.


"What is it dear?"

"Thanks." Was all I said.

She hugged me again and left the room.

"Wow, what was that all about? And, and you just told your mother that you love me." Sean asked.

I could tell that he was nervous and a little upset.

"Sean, don't worry about it. My mother is different than a lot of people."

I went on to explain how she reacted when my father started saying things about gay people. His eyes lit up and he started to understand.

"I don't really know why. I have never talked to her about it but I think it is about time I did." I said.

"David, what are we going to do. For over two years now, I have loved you, never telling you how I feel. Now that I can tell you, I will want to all of the time. How am I going to do that? How am I going to keep from doing that when we aren't alone?"

"Sean, we will deal with that as it happens. We don't have to tell anyone about this. We are alone together most of the time anyway." I assured him. We sat there for quite a while talking. Mostly about us and what we were going to do about, about our relationship. Wow, I have a boyfriend. I started getting excited again and was talking a streak when my mother came back into the room.

"David, how are you feeling?" She asked.

"Actually Mom, I feel great now."

"Good, why don't you boy's go up to your room for a while. Oh yes, I had to turn off your computer when you stormed out of the house. You should be a lot more careful what you leave up on the screen." She warned.

Now I knew how she figured it all out. When Sean had ran out of the house, I had left the gay web site up and connected to the Internet.

"Thanks Mom, I will." I replied.

We went upstairs. As soon as I shut the door, Sean was all over me. Kissing me all over the face, neck, ears and finally he pulled me to him and kissed me on the lips again. This time it was passionate. I felt his tongue trying to enter my mouth, I parted my lips and let him in. My knees started buckling but he held me up as he explored the inside of my mouth with his tongue. OH, SHIT! This was the most wonderful feeling in the world. I loved the taste of him. I could stay like this forever. He pulled our bodies closer and I could feel he was as excited as I am. We stayed like that for a very long time. Just absorbing each other, feeling the love that we had.

I was going into overload. I had to come up for air. So I started tickling him. We romped around the bedroom for a while tickling each other and wrestling. He got the best of me on both accounts. Sean was taller than I am and quite a bit stronger. When we were both exhausted, we lay next to each other on the bed. I was rubbing his chest, arms, face, neck and legs. Avoiding the obvious place. He felt so good. Did I tell you that he is cute? Yeah! I know I did but he isn't cute anymore, he is beyond cute, he is the most wonderful, beautiful, handsome, talented, smart, loving, generous.......Ok, I told you that you would hear it again and again. But I just can't help myself.

Later that evening, before dinner, my mom came to my room. She knocked on the door. Damn! She has never done that before.

"Come in." I yelled.

She entered with a smile on her face. "Dinner will be ready in about an hour."

"Great Mom, thanks." I replied.

"Boys, I think we need to talk." She said as she sat in the desk chair.

"Sure Mom, what do you want to talk about?" I asked.

"Well, boys. I assume that you know that I know."

"Know what Mom?" I asked.

"I know that you two care a lot about each other. More than friends." She paused waiting for our reaction. Getting none she continued. "Boys, what I am talking about is homosexuality."

We both turned beat red.

I nodded my head. "Yes Mom. I guess that is what you could call it. I love Sean and he loves me. It was just this afternoon that we found out that we both feel the same way about each other. I have been in love with him since the first day I saw him." I explained.

"Mrs. Spencer, I saw David the day that we were introduced at the church picnic. I knew I felt something special for him then, it wasn't until today that I admitted what that feeling was, I, I, I'm gay and I love your son." Sean added.

"You both know that what you feel for each other is very natural. It is something that you can not control. Something that you can not change. It is who you are. I guess it is time I told you a little story."

She looked at both of us waiting for us to tell her to continue.

"Ok Mom." I said.

"Well, There is a dark secret that has never been told about my family. Something that would never be accepted here in this community. Your father knows but he is the only one here that does. You see, I have a brother."

"W, What? You never told me that you have a brother. I have an Uncle?" I blurted out.

"Yes, you have an Uncle. His name is Samuel. He is almost two years older than I am. When I was a little girl, he was my idol. My big brother was, is, the smartest, most loving, giving, talented person that I have ever known. As we grew older, I loved him even more. He would make sure that he paid attention to me. He would take me with him when he went places. He would help me with my homework. He treated me like a princess. At that time, I didn't pay much attention that he never dated girls. He always hung out with other guys.

When he was 15, he told my parents that he was gay. My father was outraged, he said that he would make a man out of him and proceeded to beat him. This went on for several months. Samuel always had bruises on him. Black eyes, split lips. I was devastated. How could my father do that to my hero, my idol, my brother. My mother didn't do anything to stop him either.

Finally Samuel had enough. He packed what he could carry and slipped into my room. "My little angel, I am going to miss you. I love you and don't you ever forget it." I went into a deep depression when he left. My whole world was torn apart. My beloved brother was never heard from again. To this day, I don't know what happened to him and my heart still aches." She had tears running down her face.

I got up off of the bed and wrapped my arms around her. "It will be ok Mom." I said.

"I know David. It is just that I am scared for you, both of you. The world can be a very hateful, cruel place. I don't know how to protect you from it, but I will do what I can." She said.

"Mom, now I know why you acted the way you did when dad would say those things about gay people. I always wondered about that." I said.

"You notice?" She asked.

"Oh yes. I have known I was gay since I was 12. Well, I knew that what I had been feeling all of my life was called gay at that age."

She smiled at me and gave me a tight hug. "You two boys are going to have to be very careful. You can't let anyone know how you feel about each other. I need to get dinner on the table. Come on down in about 15 minutes." With that she left the room.

Sean and I looked at each other and as the same time said "WOW." We just sat there thinking about what my mother had said. We were broken out of our trance when we heard my dad calling us for dinner.

Dinner was uneventful. That night Sean and I talked a lot about what might happen to us if anyone found out. We were both scared, but we were resolved that no one would break us up. Nothing or no one would come between us. The rest of the summer was one of the most wonderful times of my life. Sean and I spent every moment we could with each other. Seeing as we had been doing this for two years already, nobody thought anything of it.

We did discover that skinny dipping was a completely different adventure now. But you aren't going to get the details as much as I know you would like to hear them. We did spend a lot of time on the Internet. We read everything we could think of about being gay. We even found a gay teen chat room. We used SeaNnDaviD as our screen name. We told everything to everyone in that room. We asked questions, got answers, were asked questions and answered them. That chat room was our life, our connection to others like us. I don't think that we would have survived without them. Especially after things started getting rough for us, but that is later in the story, so you will just have to wait. Hehehe, I am a little devil, aren't I?

My mother had another phone line installed for the computer. Sean and I told her about the chat room and how much help it had been. She convinced my father that I needed the extra line for school research when school started. He gave in to her, like he usually does when she sets her mind on something.

It is now September, school started about two weeks ago. With Sean being a year older than I am, we didn't have any classes together and it was killing both of us. We would meet before school, at lunch and after school but we couldn't even hold hands much less kiss. We were going nuts. After spending all summer together, we were only able to spend time together on weekends. Either Sean would stay at my house or I would stay at his. We had to be a lot more careful at his house because we didn't have my mother running interference for us. My mother had a lock installed on my bedroom door. My father grumbling all the time he was installing it.

"Can't understand why a boy needs a lock on his door." Of course it was one of those things that my mother had her mind set on so he did it.

It was the beginning of the third week of school that some of the other boys started kidding Sean about hanging around with me. They teased him about spending time with an underclass dweeb. He let it run off of his back all week until someone joked to him about hanging around a fag. This kid was probably 50 pounds heavier than Sean and he looked really strong too. I don't think he would have gotten so mad if I hadn't been standing right there so I could hear it.

He turned around and looked at the jerk. He started shaking all over, his face got red. All of a sudden he rushed the bully and took him to the ground. He beat the shit out of the guy. As he was hitting the guy, he was saying

"Don't, you, ever, call, my, best, friend, names, again!"

I ran over and dragged Sean off of the guy. The poor big bully was quivering on the ground with blood running from his nose. It took me a while to get Sean calmed down.

"Sean, what the hell got into you?" You went berserk." I asked.

"I, I don't know. When he said that word about you, I just lost it." He replied. "I know that we are gay but the way he said it was the most degrading thing I have ever heard and he was saying it about you, there is no way that anyone will ever say anything like that about you and get away with it."

I heard a voice behind me. "You guys are gay?" I looked back and there were about 15 students standing right there.

To be continued......

Copyright S. John Holder 2000

If you have enjoyed reading this story, you will find other stories by me at John's Lovescape

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