The story is a work of fiction and has no basis in reality.

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Life's Journey

Chapter 5

The Search

"SEAN? Why didn't you call, I have been waiting for over 30 minutes. You frightened me."

"David, I am so sorry. I started writing a bunch of stuff down and lost track of time. Please forgive me?" He begged.

"Sure Sean, I forgive you. So you really told your Dad?

"Yeah, I have never been able to keep secrets from him. We have always been real close and real honest with each other. He has heard the rumors."

"Well! What did he do?"

"Nothing really. He just walked out of my room. I could tell that he wasn't happy, and he looked scared."

"That's rough."

"I guess we will see what happens tomorrow. I'm scared David."

"Me too, Sean."

"Do you think you can get over here tomorrow?" I asked.

"Wow, I don't know, after telling my father about us, I don't think he will be very willing to bring me over."

"Sean, I have to see you. I need to see you. I need you to hold me." I begged.

"We will work it out. Just as long as I know that you still love me, I will be able to survive without your lips on mine for a few days." He said.

"I don't know if I can last another few day's." I replied.

"Yes you will! Because you will remember that I love you."

"Yes, that does help a lot. God, Sean! What are we going to do?"

"I don't know David, I really don't know. I'm more afraid that I have been in my life. I know that I can't live without you in my life. If I have too, I would crawl to your house. I will see you and no one will stop me."

I hung up the phone. Well, the cat was out of the bag now. Sean had told his father about us. My mother knows, the whole school knows. Now, all that was needed was to talk with my father. I don't really know how that is going to go. Bad, I am sure.

There was a knock at my door.

"David, may I come in?" It was my mother.

"Sure Mom."

As she entered the room, I could tell that something was way, way wrong. She was worried and scared.

"David, Pastor Simon just called and talked with your father. I think it was about you and Sean." She had tears running down her face. "Your father slammed down the phone and stormed out of the house."

"Well, I guess I don't have to break the news to him now do I?" I said. "You were going to tell him?"

"Yes, Mom. I was going to tell him. I felt it would be best to be honest. I am not afraid that he will get violent, I am just afraid that he won't love me anymore." I looked down at the bed. Not wanting to look her in the face just now.

"David, I will have a talk with him when he gets back. I will tell him the story that I told you. Before you ask, No, I didn't tell him the whole story. He just knows that I have a gay brother out there somewhere. Hopefully that will help him to understand that he can still love you." She continued. "David, have you talked to Sean this evening?"

"Yes, just a little while ago. He said that he told his father about us."

"Is he ok? I mean Sean, is he handling it all right? She asked.

"He is ok now, but if we have to stay apart much longer, I don't know how either of us are going to handle this whole thing."

My mother nodded her head, smiled, gave me a big hug and left the room. Oh fuck, (sorry) it just hit me. My mother's brother. I could find him for her, for Sean, for me. Internet search. YES!!!! Ok, now what is my mothers maiden brain isn't working here.......

Goodwin, that's it. Samuel Goodwin. Ok, people search. Where? What state? Hell, all of them, there couldn't be that many Samuel Goodwin's, could there?

Two Thousand Three Hundred Fifty Five. Oh, shit. How could there be that many Samuel Goodwin's in the US? Ok, lets see, I can narrow this down a little. Mom is how old? Ahhh yes, 38 and she said that her brother was about 2 years older than she is, that would make him about 40....Ok, group them into age ranges. Now, that only leaves, Seven Hundred Fifteen. Better I guess. I wonder if there is another way to narrow this down. Ok, where would a 15 year old boy that is gay and just ran away from home go? New York, yes that could be one place. San Francisco, yes. Atlanta, yes. Ok, Lets try New York, it is closer.

Shit, I wonder what his middle name is? "MOM!!"

She came back into the room.

"Mom, what was your brother's middle name?"

"Oh, that's easy, It's David." She answered.

I looked at her, my chin on my chest.

"Yes, David, I named you after my brother. My hero, don't tell your father, he would have a fit if he knew. He would blame you being gay on me." She looked at me gravely.

"Ok mom, not a word." I assured her.

Wow, that is going to help a lot. Ok, narrow it down some more. Samuel David Goodwin.

Hey, only 4. That is a number I can handle. Ok, how do I do this? Form letter.

Dear Samuel David Goodwin. Please excuse this email if you aren't the person that I am looking for. You see, my mother has a brother that left home at age 15. She really loved her brother and she still does. She just told me about him a few days ago. I knew nothing about you until that moment. The reason that I am writing you is that I am now having the same problem that you had when you were 15. Oh! I guess I should tell you a little about myself. My name is David. Yes, I was named after you. I am 15 years old and I live in Iowa. Both my mother and I really need you now. Please write me back.


Ok, that should work. A plea for help without really telling what is going on. Send it to the four that are left on the list. Now I just have to wait. I went to the chat room to tell everyone what was going on here. Ok, looks like the whole gang is here tonight. Good, maybe they can help me figure all of this out.

That was great. I told everyone about what had happened. You know, from the scene at school all the way up to now. They were great. Supportive and encouraging. I have a lot to think about now. Let me check my email before I shut down. Just Maybe.......

Shit, he wrote back.....Shit, oh shit, oh shit.....

David, God, you don't know how happy I am to hear from you. Yes, you have found me. Tell me about my sister. I have missed her so. I have always loved her. Now, I have a nephew too, WOW, this is almost too much to take. I have to call my partners and tell them. They will be ecstatic. I have told them about my sister for all of these years. Oh, yes. I now live in San Francisco. Here is my phone number............

Please, Please call just as soon as you get this message. I don't care what time it is. Just call......

Your loving Uncle Sam


She came running in the room, thinking that maybe I was really hurt.

"Momyouwon'tbelievewhatjusthappenedIdidthissearchforyourbrotherontheinternetIfound himIfoundhimandIwrotehimandhewrotemebackandheissoexcitedhe.............."

"DAVID, CALM DOWN." She yelled.

That was the only way she could get through to me. All I could do was point at the computer screen. She started reading and tears flowed down her face. She literally broke down right there. After a while she was able to look at me. The biggest smile I have ever seen on her face.

"We'll call him right now." She said picking up the phone. "Turn the computer off, turn it off now."

Woops, still connected.....

She dialed the number..........

"Samuel? Samuel? Is that really you?"

After a long pause.

"Oh Lord in Heaven it is you."

"Yes, yes, yes. I know Samuel, I love you too, I have never forgotten you. I just had no idea how to find you."

"Yes, I am very proud of my son. I know, yes. Yes that's right."

"Ok, yes I love you too."

Actually there was a lot more said than what I wrote, they talked for two hours. I just didn't want to bore you with our family's life history. And the rest of it you already know anyway.

"David, your Uncle want's to talk to you." My Mother said as she handed me the phone.

"Ah, hello?" I said into the phone.

"David, it is so good to hear your voice. Thank you so much for doing what you did. It is wonderful to find my sister again. Oh God how I have missed her."

"I am glad I found you too. I really need someone to talk to. Someone who understands what I am going through. So I guess it wasn't just for my mother that I looked for you."

"David, that is ok. Don't worry about it. It doesn't matter. We are family in more ways than one. I am here for you, no matter what happens."

"Uncle Sam." I giggled. Uncle Sam! This was hilarious.

"Yeah, it does sound funny doesn't it?" He laughed.

"Hey can I just call you Sam?"

"That sounds great to me."

"Ok Sam. Maybe I should just send it to you in an email. That way you will know what I am really feeling and what has been going on for the last few months. Then we can really talk, Ok?"

"David, you are very sensible young man. Write what ever you want and remember, you can trust me with anything. I will not judge you."

"I know, actually I already have it all written, all I need to do is send it to you."

"Great, send it tonight and I will read it tonight. You should have a return email from me when you get up on the morning."

With that, he said goodbye to both of us. Mom was smiling from ear to ear. Tears still running down her face. She grabbed me and held me for the longest time. "David, thank you so much for that. I love you."

"I love you too Mom." I said. Now I was crying.

We hadn't noticed that my father had returned until we heard some noise in the living room. My mother said that she was going to have that talk with him now. "Oh, shit! I am glad it is her and not me that has that chore." I thought to myself. They must have talked for hours, because I fell asleep listening to their voices.

I didn't wake up until almost noon the next day. This time I had to do more than a number one. It was so embarrassing. My mother had the chore of cleaning everything up. I talked to Sean later that day. He said that his father still hasn't talked to him. His mother did though, but they didn't broach that subject.

"All my mother really said was that she still loved me." Sean said.

"Do you think your father will ever talk to you?"

"I don't know David. This whole thing is so wrong to him. It goes against everything that he knows. I don't know if he will ever come around."

"I am sure that everything will work out. Sean, just remember that I love you."

"I know David and I love you too."

We kept telling each that over and over, you know how kids are. Trying to out do the other. I was still talking to David when my father knocked on the door.

"Sean, my father is here. I'll talk to you later. Love you."

My father came into the room and sat next to me. He looked at me with a smile.

"David, even though you claim you are gay......"

"Dad, I am gay! There is no claiming anything. There is no changing who I am. CAN'T YOU UNDERSTAND THAT?"

"David, let me finish, Please?

"Sorry Dad."

"David, what you tell me you are, is against everything I have been taught all of my life. I goes against the teachings of the church, the bible and society. But, you are still my son. You are my blood and I can not deny that." Tears were running down his cheeks, this is the first time I have ever seen my father cry. "I love you son and I always will. Your mother made me realize that you are the same person that you have always been, I was blinded by what I have been taught."

"Dad, I love you too, I am sorry that I have turned out this way. I didn't choose it. Why would I choose something like this? Why would I choose a life that is so difficult?"

My father leaned over to me and wrapped me in his arms. We both cried for a while and then he asked me about Sean.

"When did you know that you are gay? When did you fall in love with Sean?"

I explained it all to him. He was satisfied with my story. I think he was starting to understand. At least I hoped he was because I think that Sean and I were going to need his help.

Sean went back to school after a few weeks. He was getting around on crutches but he still wasn't able to come over to see me. I was dying without him. Everyone had been ignoring him at school. None of the taunting that we expected. He was basically a non entity. We both were becoming more and more depressed as more time went without seeing each other. I was antsy. I itched everywhere the cast covered a part of my body.

I woke up in the middle of the night screaming. Nightmares! That truck coming at us. I kept dreaming that the truck hit Sean. My parents both would comfort me when I yelled out for Sean. Then my father did something completely unexpected.

"I have had enough of this." He exclaimed as he stomped out of the bedroom.

Then I heard him yelling at someone. I looked at mom. She got up and went to see what was going on. I could still hear my father yelling. Not a swear word escaped his lips, but you could tell he was very angry. I just couldn't figure out what it was all about.

I heard him slam down the phone and storm out of the house. Then I heard his truck start and speed out of the yard. Mom came back into the bedroom and told me she didn't have a clue as to what was going on. My father was like that. Once he set his mind to do something, nothing was going to get in his way. Mom and I sat there and talked for the longest time. We talked about Uncle Sam. We had exchanged a lot of email and telephone calls over the last few weeks. I was beginning to love my uncle. He was a lot like my mother. Loving, caring and understanding. I had decided that I was going to San Francisco as soon as I turned 18. I knew that Sean would want to go with me. We had talked about it a lot. I guess it was a couple of hours before my father came back. I could hear him talking to someone as he walked into the house. Then there was silence. My mother quickly got up and went into the living room and I heard her gasp.

Then I could hear, thump, ker-thump, thump, Ker-thump coming closer to my door. I wasn't afraid. I don't know why. Something had startled my mother but I didn't feel fear.

To be continued......

Copyright S. John Holder 2000

If you have enjoyed reading this story, you will find other stories by me at John's Lovescape

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