Losing To Win, Part XIX
"The Two Ex's Meet"
By Joey E
As you can see, I'm on a roll with this story now. I hope you enjoy this installment of "Losing To Win", a gay high school story about gay boys learning about life and love. If you can't handle this, then leave. If you are under 18 (or 21 in some areas), leave as well. This is a work of fiction. Copyright 2005. All rights reserved. No unauthorized duplication is permitted in any form.
I want to thank those who have responded. I appreciate the feedback. Although a writer writes whatever the hell he wants to, it helps to know that I am doing the right thing.
"Josh!" Josh heard a voice yell out as he walked down the basement steps. For some reason, Josh turned around and expected to see Steve behind him as he was two nights ago. It was a downer for Josh. He sulked as he came down, but seemed to lighten up again when he saw David's face.
"Hey, David," Josh said, half smiling.
"Bro, what's going on? Have a seat," David said, patting the place next to him on the couch.
Josh reluctantly sat down and John sat next to him.
"I'm sorry to drag you out, bro, but John told me what happened. I think it's best for you not to be alone now. I'm sorry to hear what happened."
Josh seemed to button up now that he was there alone with John and David.
"You tell him?" David asked.
"Yeah, I did," John answered.
David put his arm around Josh and drew him towards him. Josh, not really caring, let himself be pulled and rested up against David's strong big frame. David nodded to John and John moved over as well and rested up against Josh's body.
"It's all right, Josh, you're with us now," John said, softly. "We'll take care of you."
For a moment, they were all quiet.
"I don't need to be taken care of guys," Josh said, almost in a whisper. "I can take care of myself."
"True," David said.
"I hope Steve doesn't show up," Josh said.
John laughed. "If he does, he's gonna be in for a surprise."
"You see, guys, I still love him. My ex-boyfriend came by yesterday. I kissed him, but that's it. I sent him away. I couldn't do anything with him because I loved Steve so much and I wanted to stay true to him. Then he goes and tells me what he did!!"
"I know, man. I felt the same way," John said.
"Why did you do it, David?" Josh asked.
"I want to try to understand why Steve cheated on me. Why did you cheat on John?"
David let out a deep sigh and said, "Because I wasn't thinking with my head. I was thinking with my dick. I always loved John, and that didn't change anything. You see, Josh, what I did was out of lust and it was just sex. What Steve did with that guy was just sex. Just a way to get off."
"I still didn't like it though. I'm not going to tolerate a cheating boyfriend," John said, directly to David. "But, he's right. It's just sex. There are other guys who have boyfriends who play and are perfectly cool with that. I'm not one of them. I take it you aren't either."
"Definitely not. If he wants me to be his, then he has to be mine and only mine. I think it's only fair," Josh said.
"Good point," John said. "You know, Josh, I really don't care if you get back with him. Please don't think that I'm trying to encourage you. I'm not. I'd like to say if I ever caught my partner cheating, I'd dump his ass in a minute. But it's not all black and white when love is involved."
"Yeah I know. I'm finding that out twice in two days," Josh remarked.
"Did you ever get the urge to fool around when your ex and you were dating?" David asked.
"Uh no," Josh said. "Dude look at me! I'm not that hot! I'm lucky I landed Steve when I did."
"That's where you're wrong, Josh. You're one hot stud. If I wasn't with John, I'd snap you up in a minute!"
"Who me? I'm just a fuckin' nerd, a loser," Josh lamented.
"Hey, hey!" John exclaimed. "Buddy, you're not a loser. Anyone who says that about you has got to be stupid."
"Do you want to know what I see?" David asked. "I see a hot young stud. Of course, that could be because I am partial to redheads."
Josh giggled at that comment. John, on the other hand, punched David in the arm.
"Stop teasing the boy!" John said, wrapping his arms around Josh and drawing him into him this time. "He's right, Josh, you are a hottie."
Josh's fair skin turned bright red. "Uh, thanks guys."
"Well, enough of that, dudes. You want to chill with us for a while, Josh?" David asked.
"Uh, yeah I guess," Josh said.
"Good, so, should we strip now or later?" David asked, a little too eager.
"Buddy!" John yelled.
Josh cracked up now, laughing.
"Oh shut up Jonathon."
"I hate that name, bud!" John said.
"Ah, no you don't," David said, kissing John on the cheek.
Josh's heart sunk when he did that. He had no one to kiss on the cheek anymore. He looked at both guys.
John realized what they had just done. It was like holding candy in front of a kid.
"You okay?" John asked.
"Yeah, I'm all right," he said.
"Well," David said, "How about a game of poker?"
Josh remained quiet.
"You don't know how to play?" David asked.
Josh shook his head no.
"Well come on, bud, we'll teach you," John said.
All in all, it was fun for a while. Josh had learned how to play poker and managed to win the most money by the end. He looked at his watch and realized it was almost nine.
"Well, I should be gettin' home. I have some homework to do yet."
"Ah, so soon?" David asked.
"Yeah. But thanks guys for a great evening. I needed that," Josh said.
"Well, here, let us drive you home," John said, getting up.
They all hopped into John's car and left to drop John off at his house. They pulled up only to find a person sitting on Josh's door step.
"Who's he?" John asked.
"Oh, shit, what is he doing here?"
"Who is he?"
"He's my ex-boyfriend, Chris! I called him and left a message, but I didn't think he'd drive down here tonight!"
"Should I just keep driving?"
"Nah, I'll be all right."
"You sure?" John asked.
Josh shook his head yes.
"All right, bud. Remember, you sit next to me at lunch tomorrow okay?"
"Sure, man, thanks again."
Josh slowly walked up the walk towards the house. Chris ran down to him.
"Are you all right?" he asked.
"Chris, what the hell are you doing here? I called you and told me to call me back. I didn't say you had to come down here!"
"Dude, I got your message and it sounded like you were in trouble or something. I tried to call you back and you didn't answer. I got worried."
"You drove here three hours to see me?"
"No, dude, I was halfway here. I was over at my bud's house who is halfway between here and school. When I got the call, I just left him to come see you."
"You didn't have to do that, Chris. Well, now that you're here, come in."
Both boys entered the house. Chris grabbed josh around the waist and gave him a strong hug. Josh turned around and hugged Chris back.
"Are you all right?" Chris asked.
"Yeah, just could be somewhat better, but I'm all right. I'll tell you all about it...."
That was it, I couldn't stand it any longer. I needed to solve this problem now! I couldn't let this one go undone. I had to see my little guy. I just had to see him and talk to him. I didn't care if he threw me out, I just needed to see him. I put on my jacket and headed outside. I hopped in the car and drove to Josh's house.
I noticed a car outside, and debated whether to go to the door or not, but decided it was something I needed to do. I wasn't going to lose the best thing in my life because of something stupid that I did. I wasn't. I was going to win him back no matter what.
I knocked on the door. I heard footsteps moving and the front door opened.
"Steve...." Josh said, as his mouth dropped open.
"Go home," Josh said, quietly. "I don't want to see you now."
"Josh, wait! Please. I need to talk to you."
"I don't want to talk to you now!" he said, stronger.
"Josh, please?" I begged with tears in my eyes. "Just please, let me in."
There was another figure who came out of the darkness. It was another kid about our age. He rested his hand on my boyfriend's shoulders. Josh looked back at him and then looked at me again.
Josh opened the door and let me in.
"Steve, this is Chris my ex. Chris, this is Steve, my ex," Josh said, emphasizing ex.
I was at a loss for words. This wasn't happening. This couldn't be happening.
"Josh, er, this is your boyfriend?" Chris said, softly.
"He was my boyfriend," Josh answered in a tone I had never heard before. "That's why I called you."
"You called your ex after you walked out on me?" I demanded. "I didn't even know you were speaking to him!"
"Yeah I did. I called him because I felt alone and lost. I felt so fuckin' horrible after what you told me this afternoon. He came by yesterday. It was the first time I saw him in over three years, Steve. I could've had him too. But I chose not to. Because I loved you!"
That hurt. That really hurt. I turned around and walked out the door without saying a word. This wasn't happening. This couldn't be happening. Seeing red, I turned back around and opened the screen door.
"Look, Josh," I said, in a hoarse but firm voice. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to do what I did."
"You didn't meant to, but you did it."
"Yes but I told you! Doesn't that count for anything?"
"After the fact it does me no good. I trusted you, Steve."
"I am sorry! I can't change what's already done!" I yelled, now not caring if we were not alone. "Look what I did was just sex. I know it doesn't mean shit to you, but it was just sex. No feelings were involved. I love you and only you. I want to be with you, Josh. I know it makes no difference now whether it was sex or more to you. But I love you and want to be with you. I'm sorry."
Josh looked at me with fire in his eyes. "You're sorry? You can't expect me to forgive you just like that. I am too good for that. I was first fuckin' outed by him three years ago. He came by and expected me to forgive him just like that too!"
"Josh, I..." Chris began.
"Shut up!" Josh yelled. "You fuckin' betrayed me. You made my life a living hell. Yes, you're life was a living hell too afterwards and you know what? I'm glad! Serves you right!"
He turned back towards me. "You, on the other hand, also betrayed me. But you and I don't have what Chris and I had. Chris was my best friend. You were just a jock that I had to tutor. Sure we had some good times. Some of the best times in my life. Is it worth throwing that all away to keep my self respect? How do I know you're not going to cheat on me again?"
Wow, my little man really could get pissed off. I just stared at him as he went off on me, taking everything he said because he was right. All I could think about was how cute he looked when he was mad. I wanted to grab him and hold him tight, telling him everything would be all right. All I wanted to do was comfort him.
Josh took a glance at me and then at Chris. "You know, maybe you two should hook up! Both of you lie. Both of you let me down. You're a perfect match!"
"Josh, come on," Chris said. "Calm down."
"Don't you dare tell me to calm down, " Josh yelled, poking at Chris. "You're the reason I'm fucked up! It was all your fault! He was just something new. You're the reason I'm like this today! You think I enjoy being such a fuckin' ass? You think it's fun for me to move away from all my friends and start a new life? You think it's okay for me to just lose my family? You're twice as worse as he is. He never forced me to come out!"
I wanted to hold him so tight and tell him everything was going to be all right. It hurt me so much to see him worked up like this. Now more than ever, I knew that I loved him. I silently kicked myself in the ass for doing what I did.
"Babe, I was sixteen years old! I didn't know what to do!"
"And what's your excuse?" Josh asked me. "Because you're eighteen years old?"
"Get out..." Josh said to me.
"Josh! Listen to me! I've been crying all evening. I can't stop thinking about you. I know what I did was wrong. And to tell you that it won't happen again won't do anything for you because you don't trust me. But it won't happen again. I learn from my mistakes, despite how dumb you think I am. I know what I did was wrong. Would it help if I told you Tim purposely chose to fall asleep in my bed, hoping he'd get me? Probably not, but that's the truth. You know how I am in the morning. I'm not thinking straight. I woke up with a boner, buddy. I uncovered it and he went down on it. That's all the happened."
"You couldn't have pushed him out? Come on a big strong guy like you couldn't lift little Tim off the bed?"
"Josh, that would've been ridiculous. I was tired. I didn't care. I know it was a big deal now. And I'm sorry. I will make it up to you. I will always be making it up to you. You're my life now, Josh. I couldn't bare being what I am without you by my side. Every second that I couldn't be with you was killing me. I just had to see you tonight. I'm sorry if I intruded," I said, my voice breaking. "I just needed to see you."
I turned around and walked out the door, not looking back. I drove back home and went to bed, drained and devastated.
The next day, I did the papers, did my shit in the morning, and left. I picked up Joe on the way to school and I stopped by Josh's house just in case. He wasn't there. I waited for five minutes for him to come out, but he didn't.
"Dude, just go, he's not coming with you," Joe said.
I grumbled as I put the car into drive and pulled out. I wasn't in the mood to talk at all, so Joe and I rode in silence. At the end of the ride, he said, "You all right, dude?"
I shook my head yes.
"No you're not, but it's all right, I know you. You'll get by. You always do."
I smiled at him. It usually did work out this way, but this time, I wasn't sure.
I made it through the first four periods of the day without incident. Soon after, it was lunch time though. I held my breath as I walked into the cafeteria as to where Josh was going to sit. I didn't expect him to sit with me. I didn't blame him one bit either. But where would he sit?
I walked over to our table and was surprised to find Josh there sitting next to John. Joe was there too. There were two empty chairs next to Joe, one for me and one for Josh usually. Then I realized, John was sitting in Ben's seat and Josh was sitting in John's. Strange, but I wasn't exactly surprised. I was actually sort of relieved that my little guy was being taken care of by someone I trusted. Still, it was rather unnerving.
"Hey, Steve," John said, as I walked by him.
"Yo," I said, trying to not look at Josh. It was very hard.
"A little trouble in the faggot world?" Ben asked me.
"Shut the fuck up," I roared, not in the mood for any of Ben's shit.
"What's he doing here?" I whispered to Joe.
He shrugged his shoulders and answered. "John and Josh walked in together man. They just sat down there. I don't know."
I caught Josh looking at me, and then he'd turn away. I want to just pull him out of there and go win him back. I wanted to talk to him so bad. This was pure torture. John and he seemed to exchange some conversation. I'm sure it was about me, but I wasn't going to be nosy. I deserved it.
My other friends at the table, mostly teammates, were oblivious to the fact that Josh and I were not sitting next to each other today. I was happy about that.
"Joe, what am I going to do?" I asked.
"I don't know. You're on your own on this one, dude. I can't help you out on this one."
"Come on, bud! I'm sinkin'!"
"You've done all you can. Maybe ask John to help you out. Since Josh still talks to him, maybe he can give Josh a message from you."
We ate lunch. The half hour period couldn't be over fast enough. As I got up to leave, Josh was still seated. I walked behind him, put my hand on his shoulder, and said softly, "I'm not give you up this easy. You'll see."
He looked up at me and I looked back at him when I started to walk away. His blue eyes piercing through mine. I almost melted away then and there. I wanted to run back and pick him up, never letting him go again. How could I have been so stupid? I walked back that way actually on my way out the door.
"Can we talk?" I asked him as he passed in front of me.
He looked at me. "No, Steve. We can't."
I walked away, never looking back.
Physics came around at tenth period. I saw Josh speaking to Mr. Smith as I came in. It wasn't good. I knew it couldn't be good. It was further substantiated when Mr. Smith asked if I see him after class.
"What's up?" I asked him, as the rest of the class left.
"I hear you need a new tutor, Edison."
"Yeah, I guess I do."
"Well, I'll see what I can do. In the meantime, you all right?"
"Yeah, coach, I'm fine. I guess Josh said he didn't want to tutor me anymore eh?"
"Yep. I'm not sure what you did to that kid, and it's none of my business."
"Thanks," I said, relieved that I wasn't going to have to explain.
"I'll see what I can do. You going to weights this afternoon?"
"Yep. I'll see you around."
"DAMN EDISON!" yelled out Jay, one of my teammates. "What the hell are you trying to do? Break yourself? What the hell is with you today?"
It was true, I was working out like a fiend today. I was working out my stress, as I usually did when I lifted weights. But this time, it was almost too much to bare.
"Chill out, Steve," John said softly.
"Oh yeah?" I asked, getting up off the weight bench, wiping the sweat off my forehead. "What the hell should I chill out for?"
I was pumped up and not in the mood for any shit. I was now really pissed off more than sad and I wasn't a force to be reckoned with.
"Steve, not now," John said, getting the point.
"He's sitting with you now?" I asked, in a lower voice.
"I told him he could. Who the hell else is he going to sit with?"
"Oh, and are you giving him rides home too?"
"As a matter of fact, yes I am."
"What the hell? Are you fuckin' him too?" I asked, rather loudly.
John looked around to see if any one noticed. Jay did, actually.
"What? Who's John fuckin'?"
"No one, man," I said, realizing what I just did.
"Did you say him?" Jay asked.
"No, buddy, when's the last time you had your hearing checked?" I asked, trying to be funny.
John looked at me with fire in his eyes. He came up to me very close and whispered, "You fuckin' son-of-a-bitch! Not now!"
Suddenly, it wasn't about us anymore. It was about Josh. I knew Josh liked them a lot and maybe he had done something with Josh. I don't know where my brain went, but I went into overdrive.
"You fuckin' sleeping with him?" I said through my teeth. before I could catch myself. "Aw shit," I muttered, realizing what I had just said.
John looked as if I were crazy. "No bud, shut up! What the fuck are you talking about?"
I felt like punching him. I was so mad.
"Edison! What the fuck is up with you today?" one of my other teammates asked.
"Nothin'!" I yelled. "I've had enough, buds. I'm heading out!"
I grabbed my towel and gear and walked out of the weight room. Sure enough, John followed me.
"Steve! What the hell was up with you in there?"
"I'm sorry, bud," I said. "I'm so pissed off. Just tell me one thing, bud. Did you sleep with him?"
"Who? Josh? No way! Listen, I invited both of you over last night to hang out. We couldn't find you, so we gave Josh's number a try. He said you weren't there. So we invited him over. He told us the news. I just didn't want the little guy to be alone. That's all!"
"Don't ever call him Little Guy again," I said through my teeth.
"BUDDY! CALM DOWN!" he yelled in his deep voice. "Go home, have a beer, get stoned. Do something!"
"Don't worry, I will do something. I'm gonna get him back."
DRAMA! Talk about DRAMA! I hope that wasn't over the top. Drama is good, but too much drama can make it seem unrealistic. As you can see, I'm on a roll writing this series. I hope it continues. Send all comments to NEPhillyBoy76@aol.com Thanks!