Losing to Win II

Losing To Win II
"Not All Jocks Are Dumb"
By Joey E

Welcome to the second installment of "Losing To Win", my newest series on Nifty. I am pleased to present the second part so soon. I'd like to give my thanks to John (at least I think that's his name...inside joke) for helping me named the series itself. As a writer, I haven't felt this psyched about a series in a long, long time. Copyrighted 2003. All rights reserved. No unauthorized reproduction is permitted in any form. Please be safe when you have sex. This story is about gay high school boys. If you are unable to handle it, go elsewhere. If you are under 18 (or 21 in some areas), go elsewhere too.

I waited by those damn gym doors, wondering if the kid was ever going to show up.

"God damn faggot," I muttered under my breath. Just as I turned around again, there he was.

Oh shit, I thought to myself.

"Why does everyone call me that, Steve?" he asked, softly, looking away.

"Dude, I'm sorry. I just thought you weren't going to show. I didn't mean anything by it," I explained.

"Oh," he said, still looking down at his feet.

I put my hand on his shoulder. He looked up at me. I couldn't help but smile down at him.

"You ready? You're not going run out on me this time, because I really need to get help, bro. And you're just the guy I need to help me."

He shook his head yes and we walked out together to my car. After the first ride to my house, I knew better than to try to talk with him. I put on some tunes and we rode without saying a word. Occasionally I would glance over at him. I caught him once looking at my muscular chest. I honestly did like how I looked. I didn't work too hard at it, but the effort I put in to stay active had paid off. I worked out at the school gym at least twice a week and I ran at least three times a week two miles. But having a dude check me out was different, and kind of intriguing. What am I saying?

We got to my house and went down to the basement again. Surprisingly, we got right to the physics. I noticed that his face was so smooth and looked soft to touch. He had no problem talking about Physics. It was if he was suddenly confident about what he was saying.

"I don't understand this shit, bro," I said, throwing my pencil down after trying to figure out a formula for some gravity shit.

"Come on, Steve," he said. "It's simple..."

He went on and explained it in terms that I would understand. A lightbulb would go on in my head suddenly and I'd jump up and feel good about myself.

"Dude! I get it now!" I said. "Fuck, man, that's awesome! Thanks!" I wrapped my arms around his shoulder as a normal guy would when something great happened.

He looked up at me and smiled a weak smile, but it was a smile nonetheless. His face showed every emotion ten times what mine did. His smile warmed up the whole room around him. His dimples showed on his cheeks. His teeth were bright white. I didn't realize I was staring at his face when he asked, "Steve, you okay?"

"Uh, yeah," I said, looking back down at my notebook. I regained my confidence and was really impressed the progress we had made in that afternoon. I knew my parents would be home soon and I still didn't want them to know I was being tutored.

"Well, you wanna go out and get something to eat? My treat, after all, you helped me already."

As soon as we got off the subject of Physics, he returned to his old, reserved, shy, and weird self.

"Aw, come on, bro, come out with me for dinner," I said.

He looked up at me, and frowned. "Why the hell would you want to go out with me?"

"Dude, you just helped get through my thick head and actually teach me something. Isn't that enough?"

He looked up at me again. I smiled down at him.

"Please?" I asked, putting on my best pleading face.

He sighed and grinned, slightly. "Okay. Okay."

"Awesome!" I exclaimed, holding up my hand for a high five. He looked at me, confused.

"Bud, you are supposed to give me a high five now, bro," I said, laughing.

"Oh," he said, frowning again.

I lifted his hand up with my other hand and slapped our hands together.

"That's how you're supposed to do it," I said, chuckling. "Now try it again."

I held up my hand and he slapped it, weakly, but he slapped it.

"Well, that's a start, bro. Now, come on, let's go," I said, putting my arm around his shoulder again. "Stick with me bro, and you'll be all right."

We walked up the steps and out the door. I locked the door behind me. He was standing outside the passenger's side door, waiting patiently. I looked at him and smiled. He smiled, and then swiftly turned away.

"Bro, you have nothing to be afraid of," I said. "With me by your side, I'll take care of you."

"You don't mean that, but it's okay," he said, very softly.

I got into the car, and looked at him. "What did you say?"

"You'll treat me like everyone else in school does. Say I'm a faggot, a fuckin' cock sucker," he said, looking ahead.

I put my hand on his shoulder. "Hey, hey, buddy. I ain't that kind of person dude. Look you helped me, and I will always be grateful to you for that."

"Yeah, but tomorrow, you'll be just the same as you always are," he said.

"I don't want to hear anymore about this shit, dude. That's bull shit. I'll be there for you, I promise," I said, starting up the car.

What was driving me to say this, I have no idea. I was quite confused as to where these things I was saying were coming from. He finally seemed to open up on the way there.

"Well, it sure took you long enough to grasp the difference between mass and weight," he said chuckling.

"Huh?"

"You were supposed to like learn that in 9^th grade," he said, amused.

"Huh? I don't remember what shit I learned in 9^th grade, dude," I said, laughing.

"Dude, it's not that diffi.."

"Woah, bro!" I said, interrupting him. "Woah, did you just call me dude?"

Josh turned to me and smiled. "Oh god, I did! It's contagious."

"Fuckin' aye bro, that's the coolest thing you ever said," I said, extending my hand. He slapped me back.

"Give me a chance, and I'll teach you how to be cool and you can teach me physics," I said.

"I don't want to be cool, Steve. I'm happy being me," he said.

Now that was a lie. "Dude, you can't be happy the way you are now. Look at you. You're a nervous freak! It took me this long to get you to talk. You never talk to anyone at school. You never date anyone. You're always alone!" I said.

"Well, maybe because I want to be alone," he said, softly. I could tell if I didn't do something soon, I'd lose him again.

Then he turned to me and raised his voice. "How do you know all of this? Have you been watching me?"

The boy raised a good question. How did I know about him like that? That was sort of freaky. Could I've been checking him out all this time and not have even known I was doing it?

"Steve, just drop me off at my house, please?"

"But, bud I thought we were going to hang out some more!"

"No, please take me home now," he said, softly. I looked over at him. I saw the vacant stare in his eyes again and I knew I lost him.

"Aw, shit, man," I grumbled. But I turned the car around and headed back to our neighborhood.

"Thanks," he whispered. I looked over at him. I had the urge to put my arm around him and tell him things aren't as bad as they seem. I don't know why I was feeling the way I was. He was a different kind of person than I have ever met before. When he was teaching me, he was a different person. Sure of himself and confident. But, outside of that, he became unresponsive.

He directed me to his house, which was about two blocks away from mine, and he went to open the door. He then turned to me.

"I know I'm gonna regret this, but I've been wanting to do this to you all fuckin' year," he said. He quickly leaned over and kissed me on the cheek. He then ran out of the car and ran inside his house.

I just sat there, still feeling his lips on my cheek and I placed my hand over the area where he kissed. I was shocked. It wasn't like a girl kissing me, but it was nice. Ah, what the hell am I saying? I put the car in reverse and headed back out of the neighborhood. I went over to my friend Joe's house again. It was now around 6PM and I was starving. I didn't want to face my parents, and I knew they would be mad at me for not being there for dinner, but I didn't care.

"Steve, what are you doing here?"

"Do you want to go out to dinner?" I asked, impatiently.

"Uh, yeah, dude, wait here."

I waited out on the porch. He came out a minute later.

"Joe, let me have a cigarette," I said. "I need a fuckin' smoke."

Joe looked at me a little weird. "Dude, you only smoke when you're drunk," he said, handing over a cigarette from his pack.

"Gotta light?" I asked. He handed me his lighter.

"Thanks," I said. I inhaled, and lit my butt.

I exhaled deeply, blowing out the smoke.

"Dude, what's wrong?"

"Nothin'," I said, taking another drag.

"Bro, something's bothering you."

I paused and then said, "Dude, have you ever been attracted to someone that you didn't even know you were attracted to?"

"No, I can't say that I have, why?"

"I don't know. I am just feeling kind of lost right now."

"Huh?" he asked.

"Exactly," I answered. "That's the way I feel about everything now."

"Dude, what happened to you?" he asked.

"I don't know."

We went out for dinner, nothing more was said about the subject. I didn't want to talk about it. We had our usual fun, despite my dilemma. I went home afterwards.

"Steven, where have you been?" my Dad asked as soon as I got in the door.

"Out, Dad. I'm sorry. I should've left a note. Joe and I went out for dinner."

"Steve, you know we don't care what you do, but at least keep us informed, " my Mom said as I sat down in the family room with them,.

"Yeah, I know. I'm sorry," I said. They were watching something stupid on TV.

"Oh, Jill called for you," Mom said.

"Okay, thanks," I said, getting up.

I went upstairs to my room and sat down on my bed. I COULD NOT GET HIM OUT OF MY HEAD. I couldn't get the feeling of his lips on my cheek out of my mind. I couldn't stop thinking about him.

"Damn!" I yelled out to no one. "Fuck, why is this happening to me?"

I thought about calling Jill, but I didn't. I just zoned out, listening to some tunes on my stereo and finally just fell asleep.

The next day, I woke up with a pounding headache. It was not a good start. I got up, ate breakfast, and went outside to deliver papers as I had done for the last six years. I came back home, took a shower, grabbed my backpack and headed out the door.

I parked the car, and headed inside the school. I said hi to my usual pack of friends and went to my locker. I sighed as I grabbed my morning books and shoved them into my back pack. I headed off to homeroom and sat down at my desk. Nothing eventful happened throughout the morning.

Jill was a junior and on Thursdays, we didn't see each other at all during school. She was in band, and that kept her from seeing me before school started. I didn't want to see her for some reason. Actually, I didn't want to see anyone.

I met up with Joe as we headed into the cafeteria for lunch. I knew I was going to see Josh there and I didn't want to. I was so nervous that he would say something to me right in front of my friends. This wasn't like me.

"Yo, Steve, you all right?" my buddy John asked.

"Huh? Oh, uh, yeah, I'm all right."

"You look lost, man," he said as he sat down next to me. Just then, there was a commotion at the next table over. I looked over to see one of my teammates harassing Josh. It appeared that Josh had accidently walked in to my teammate while Josh was carrying his tray of lunch. The tray had fallen to the floor and the food went all over the place including my roommate's shirt and pants.

"Yo dork, why don't you look where you're goin'?" he sneered.

"I-I-I'm sorry," Josh stammered.

"Fuckin' faggot," he said as he grabbed him by the shirt. My teammate, Ben, was not the kind of guy you should fool around with . He was miserable fuck and had the temper to prove it.

Josh looked at his enemy with terrified eyes. He then looked over at me, helpless. What was I supposed to do? He just looked at me with those sad eyes, pleading me to come and help him. I just sat there, looking at Josh. Josh closed his eyes and looked away from me.

"Dude, isn't that your tutor?" Joe asked, sitting down next to me. "What a freakin' nut job."

I was too shocked to say anything back to Joe. Josh was still being held up by his shirt. I wanted to stop it. I wanted to yell and tell him to put my boy down, but nothing came out. I just turned away finally, and for the first time, I felt like a coward. I felt that I had done something wrong. All my life, I've always stuck up for the little guys. Here I was, helpless, torn between what was right and what was socially right.

"Joe, I'll see you later. I can't stay here," I said, getting up.

"What the fuck?" Joe asked me, looking up at me.

I said nothing and left the table. I saw Josh looking at me. I cowardly walked towards the other side of his table and tried not to look at him. I looked back at him when I reached one of the open doorways to the cafeteria. Ben had let him go by this point, and Josh was just standing there, his eyes locked on me. I turned away and walked out of the cafeteria.

I punched a locker in the hallway as I walked by. I ran out the nearest door.

Why was this happening to me, I thought to myself. Why am I doing this? I just sat on the step. I felt a tear drop from my eye. I quickly wiped it with my hand. I heard the door open. I quickly turned around to see who it was.

"Josh," I said, shocked to see him.

His blue eyes were piercing through me. I could see the anger and pain in his eyes.

"I knew I shouldn't have believed you," he said, as he walked right past me. He turned around and said, "Find yourself another tutor, Steve."

Oh shit. "Josh!" I yelled as he walked away.

He didn't turn around. I got up and ran to catch up with him.

"Josh," I said as I grabbed his shoulder. He shrugged my hand off of it.

"You're just as bad as they are, man," he blurted out. "You just watched me as he picked me up in there."

He tried to get away from me, but I grabbed him before he took off.

"Get off me, Steve," he said, suddenly sounding stronger. "I'll just tell Mr. Smith I couldn't tutor you and that he'll have to find someone else to tutor you."

"No, dude, you can't do that," I said, meaning every word.

"I can't do it," he said with tears in his eyes. "I just can't do it!"

"Why not?" I shouted. I then noticed that this wasn't the time or the place to be having a conversation with the school nerd. He saw me looking around.

"What you're doing right now is one of the reason why. And...and..."

"What?" I asked, impatiently.

"Forget it," he said, as he walked off. I didn't fight it this time. I turned around and walked away. I walked to my car and sat in it for a while. This had gone way too far. Why was I fighting it? I should just be able to find another tutor and be on my merry way and forget everything that happened between me and that goof ball. But I couldn't.

Two days ago, I was having the time of my life. Enter Josh, and the world was upside down for reasons I didn't understand. What the hell was happening? I didn't want to see my girlfriend, I didn't want to see my friends. All I wanted to see was, could it be, Josh? It was insane!

I needed to be with him. That was all there was to it. There was some sort of force drawing me to him. I started my car and then turned it off again. Lunch was now over and I could go back into school and act like nothing happened. I grabbed my books and headed back toward my 8^th period class.

Somehow, I made it through the last three classes of the day, one of them being physics.

"Mr. Edision," my teacher asked as I was leaving the room.

Uh oh, I thought.

"I'm impressed that you actually figured out the homework problems. I see Josh has been helping," he said.

"Uh, yeah, he did," I said, not knowing what to say.

"Good, keep it up," he said.

I bolted out of that classroom as if the room was on fire. Jill was waiting by my locker. I smiled at her, not knowing what else to do. She didn't look too happy.

"Steve! I've been trying to get a hold of you. You didn't call me last night," she said.

I wrapped my arms around her, but she seemed to not want a hug. She looked at me and said, "Where were you?"

I sighed. "Jill, I was studying okay? Joe came over later and by the time I got in, it was too late to call you," I answered. Quick thinking.

It was true that she couldn't get calls after 10PM. So, it usually worked.

"I'm sorry, I was just worried about you," she said, putting her arms around me and kissing me.

I leaned down and kissed her on the lips. "What are you doing tonight?" I asked, my mind on nothing but her now.

"Don't you remember? I won't be here all weekend. My family is leaving to go up to this family thing and I have to go with them."

"Aw...can't you stay down here?"

"No, baby, I can't. I tried. They're picking me up after school."

Fuck, nothing was going right. This was all wrong.

"Is anything wrong, Steve? You look lost."

"No, nothin's wrong, Jill. I'll miss you."

"I'll try to call you sometime this weekend babe. I gotta go now," she said.

I kissed her passionately on the lips and then she left.

"Damn it," I said to myself as I closed my locker.

Joe appeared at my locker as he usually did after school for his ride home.

"So, dude are you driving me home this time? Or do you have another tutoring session with the fairy?" he asked, smiling.

"Why do you call him that?" I asked, looking right at him.

"Oh come on, you know he is."

"That may be true, but why do you call him that?" I asked as we started walking towards the exit.

"I don't know. That's what we always call him. Dude, what is with you?" he asked me.

"Buddy, I don't know. I mean, he's nice enough to help me with the physics. Why do people treat him like that?"

"Because he's a loser! What the fuck is with you, man? Ever since he helped you that first night, you've been acting weirder and weirder!"

"I'll explain it later, dude."

"He tried to hit on you," he said.

I laughed. "Hardly," I answered. We walked to my car. I unlocked his door and let him in. It was only a fifteen minute drive. Luckily, Joe changed the subject, talking about some girl he was trying to get in his gym class. I didn't say much and I left him off at his house without making future plans for the weekend.

"Dude, call me later on," Joe said. "There's something going on in that mind of yours."

"Whatever," I said, as I drove away.

I drove to my neighborhood and took a last minute detour through Josh's street. I saw the kid walking up to his front door. I parked the car and got out.

"JOSH!" I yelled.

He turned around and saw me, running towards him again. "Man, what do you want?"

"Josh, I need to talk to you, now," I said.

"Man, just get out of here. You're fuckin' shit, you know that?" he said.

Well, now at least he was talking.

"Josh, can I please talk to you?"

"No, man. I'm going inside, and I think you should go."

I groaned and grabbed him with my arm around the neck.

"Do you realize what you're doing to me?" I said through my teeth.

He looked up at me with frightened eyes.

"Do you have a fuckin' clue what you're doing to me?"

I let go of him and he turned to face me, face to face.

His white face turned red, deeper red than his hair. He looked at me with his blue eyes bulging out at me.

"Don't you ever fuckin' touch me like that again. I don't give a fuck who you are. You're just a fuckin' dumb ass jock who thinks I'm nothing but a fuckin' faggot. There's more to this fuckin' faggot than you'll ever know about. Now fuckin' get out of here!"

I guess we all have our breaking points and he was at his. I almost wanted to jump for joy. This kid actually got angry.

I walked up the front steps of his house and opened the door that he already unlocked.

"Dude, get in here. We need to talk," I said, calmly.

He looked like he was going to burst at any second, but he reluctantly followed me inside his house.

"Your parent's aren't home are they?" I asked, softly.

"No," he answered, still looking at the floor. "They're gone for the weekend."

"Can I sit down?" I asked, pointing to the chair.

"Sure, fuckin' sit down, I don't care," he said. He let out a sniffle.

When I saw his blue eyes look over at me, I finally knew what this was all about. I was falling for this kid, big time. I felt this way about Jill two years ago, but never this strongly. The feeling was familiar and yet different.

"Well?" he finally asked.f

"Uh, sorry, my mind ain't workin' today bro," I answered. Well it was now or never.

"Dude, come here," I said, sitting up on the edge of the chair. He looked at me, surprised.

"Just come over here, " I said, motioning with my hand.

He got up and walked over to where I was. Before he could say or do anything, I grabbed him by the back of the head and pulled his face towards mine. I kissed him deeply on the lips.

Well, that wraps up part two. I love cliffhangers. Makes me want to write more. Anyway, if you like what you see, please tell me at NEPhillyBoy76@aol.com Thanks!