Losing To Win, XXIX
"Learner's Permit and Tickets"
By Joey E

"What the hell are you doing here?"

"I just wanted to see you once more before I left," Josh said.

"Oh," I said, walking up to the garage to put my newspaper cart away. He followed me inside the garage.

"Steve, you know you'll miss me," Josh said, quietly.

I turned around, not expecting Josh to say that kind of thing to me. He was wearing a shit-eating grin on his face. He never did cease to amaze me!

"Yeah, bud, I will," I said, wrapping my arms around him. I kissed him softly on the lips.

"Well, I will be back on Sunday afternoon, you know. Maybe we can do something then," he said, resting his head on my chest.

"Sounds like a plan, baby."

He broke away from me. "Well, I gotta go. My Mom's waiting for me to come home so we can leave."

He grabbed his bike which was on the side of the lawn.

"Dude, we gotta teach you how to drive," I said, laughing. "You look twelve years old on that dirt bike!"

"I keep bugging my mom about that. I've been studying up to take my learner's permit, as you well know, since you were the one who told me to."

"Yeah, well, when you get back, we're gonna take you down to the DMV and see about getting you that permit," I said.

"Cool! Well, I'll see you later," he said, hopping on the bike. He began to pedal when I called out his name.

I ran over to him when he stopped and gave him another kiss.

"I will miss you," I said.

"I know!" he exclaimed with that same grin on his face. "I love you."

"I love you too," I said softly.

He turned around and pedaled away leaving me alone in my driveway. I watched him as he pedaled down the street and couldn't help but grin. He was a cute boy and he was all mine!

Since he had taken up all of my time recently, I wondered what I was going to do the rest of the day. Fortunately, I didn't have to wonder too much. As soon as I got back from my morning run, I saw another little guy standing at my front door.

"Dude!" Joe called out, getting up when he saw me.

"Hey, Joe!" I yelled back, genuinely glad to see my best bud.

"What's up?" he asked as I came to a halt.

I began to do my stretches like I always did after my run and we continued to talk.

"Where's the little dude?" Joe asked.

"He's away at his Grandparents. Would you believe he came over here this morning to say goodbye?"

Joe just laughed. "Yeah, I'd believe it. You two are so whipped it's pathetic. I mean, both of you are so whipped. You'll do whatever he says and he'll do whatever you say."

I looked up at him and said, "So? You and Nicky seem to be joined at the hip as well. And it's been only two weeks. What the hell, bud? You in love or something?"

"Yeah, or somehtin'," Joe said, blushing. "Well, you know how I've always wanted her since I saw her last year."

"Yeah, I'm just surprised she said yes," I joked. "Nah, I'm happy for you, bro. You deserve it! Hey, I'm sorry if I haven't been around as much as I used to, man. But you know how it is."

"Yeah, I remember how you were with Jill. It's all good!"

"Yeah, well at least you have a new Gentle Giant to take care of you," I joked.

"Who?" Joe asked in all seriousness.

"Nicky!"

"Dude, she's not that tall!"

"She's about 5'7" and you're what, 5'?"

"Five foot three, jack off!" Joe shot back.

"Well, anyway, you wanna hang out today?" I asked, getting up.

"Sure, she's away with her family too," Joe said.

"All right, just let me go take a shower and we'll hang out," I said, wiping my forehead with my shirt I had just taken off.

We both went inside the house and Joe said Hi to my parents. He then just walked down to the basement while I walked upstairs to take my shower. We hung out in the basement like we usually did and we just basically caught each other up.

"You know, I just asked her to the prom. She said yes, of course." Joe said.

"That's great!"

"Speaking of which, are you going?"

"Uh, well, I don't think so," I said.

"Why?"

"Well, who would I go with?"

"Why can't you go with Josh?"

It had been an idea in my head for quite some time now. Though Josh and I never discussed it, I knew it was weighing on his mind as well. So as usual, I just decided to let it go and not think about it. But, also as usual, my best bud Joe, couldn't leave it alone. He was a good influence in that regard but also a pain in the ass.

"Are you crazy, man? Besides, I don't think Josh would want to go either if we couldn't go as a couple!"

"So then double date someone, man. Come on, don't diss me now," Joe said, confidently.

"Double date? Who?"

"What about that lesbian couple, Mary and Scary?"

I had to laugh at that one. "You mean, Mary and Terri?"

"Yeah, whatever," answered Joe.

"Bud, they're only rumored to be lesbians, and besides, I"ve never talked to them before in my life! Why would I do that now?"

"Okay, then take Josh, man. You don't have to go as a couple. Why don't you just go stag?"

"Because, Joe, I want to take him as my date, or else I don't want to go! It would just be torture that I don't need anymore. I don't want it anymore."

"Well, then fine, you're going. I'll arrange for your date with Scary and Terri or whoever they are, and then...."

"Uh, no thanks, man," I said, feeling one of Joe's plans coming on, which was never good.

We sat in a moment of silence until Joe asked,"Have you asked Josh about this yet?"

"No, we really didn't discuss it. I think we just assumed it was off limits for us."

"Well, maybe you should," Joe said, shifting in his seat.

"Fuck, I don't know, bud," I said, softly, imagining Josh in a tuxedo, all dressed up for me.

"Well, remember, I've got your back if you decide to do it."

"I know that, bud, thanks," I said, patting him on the shoulder.

"But, just ask him, man. Maybe he's too afraid to bring it up to you. From what I know of him, he's probably dying to go to the prom with you. But he's afraid you'll turn him down. And he probably doesn't want to bring you down either."

"True, Joe, true." As dense as Joe appeared to be, he was actually good at giving advice. He noticed a lot more than he ever let on, and there were only a few who actually knew that. I was one of the lucky ones.

We hung out the rest of the day until Joe had to leave for his date with Nicky. It was fun and although he wasn't Josh, it was still clear to me why he was my best buddy. I guess, if I really let myself think about it, I could have been attracted to Joe all along. But he had been with me for so long that the thought of us being sexual together (which we sort of were when we went through puberty, jackin' off) was repulsive to me.

Luckily, my bro came home unexpectedly and we hung out the rest of the day and the next morning. All the while, though, I was thinking about what Joe had talked about with me. Could I take Josh to the prom? Was I ready to come out to the school? Was it time for that to happen?

"Hey stud," he said, softly in that wonderful tenor voice of his that made me melt inside.

My face broke out into a big grin and I got up from my bed.

He held out his arms and we hugged

"I missed you," he said, resting his head on my chest.

"Mmmm...I missed you too," I said, kissing his forehead.

We released our embrace as we heard someone walking up the steps.

"How was your trip?" I asked, sitting down on the end of my bed.

"Great. I got to see my cousins," he said, sitting down on the desk chair.

We basically bullshitted and I got some help on my physics homework for the next hour. We finally decided to go downstairs to the basement and shoot some pool. I needed to ask him about the prom. I couldn't wait any longer to make a decision.

"All right, Steve," Josh said, as he racked the balls. "What's on your mind?"

"Huh?" I asked, shocked that he could tell something was on my mind.

"Dude, I know you! There's something going on in that mind of yours," he said, grinning.

I looked at him and sighed. He could read me like a book.

"Uh, did you give any thought to the prom this year?" I asked, looking straight at him.

His grin disappeared and he sighed. "Do you want the truth?"

"Yeah. I know we really never talked about it, but Joe brought it up yesterday when we were hanging out and I need to know what you think."

His eyes fell to the table as he replied, "Steve, don't think I am crazy. I've thought about you and I going to the prom together. You and I, as a couple. It's like a dream to me. That way, once and for all, everyone can know that you are mine. I know it is only a fantasy, but that's the way I think about it. I know in reality that it will never happen. But, what did you want to do about it?"

"I'm not sure. Don't get me wrong. It's not that I'm sure of who I would want to take," I said quickly. "It's just that I am not sure if I'm ready for that."

"I figured as much," Josh said, looking back up at me. "And I'm not sure I'm ready for that either in reality. Maybe it would be better if we didn't."

"We could just go stag, bud," I suggested.

"Yeah, but I think that would kill me, man. I couldn't stand being there with you without being with you, if you know what I mean?"

"I know, buddy, I know."

"Well, then I guess we just won't go," he said, seeming to be cool with that decision. I was anything but, but I didn't let on to that.

Josh seemed to be okay after that, and I was okay for the time being. We played two games and then we lost control of ourselves. We were in the basement, so we were pretty safe as long as Josh didn't moan too loud, which he did often. We managed to suck each other off and worship each other's bodies. My parents invited Josh to stay for dinner, which he readily accepted.

After dinner, we parted ways as we both needed to finish up our weekend homework. After that, I went to bed, thinking about Josh and the prom. Before I fell asleep, I had reached a conclusion and was satisfied with it.

"So did you make a decision?" Joe asked as he hopped into the back seat of my car.

"Huh?" I asked.

"Damn, man, you are slow in the morning. About the prom!"

"Oh yeah," I answered, grinning at him.

"You're going to go?"

"Yep!" I proudly answered.

"Holy shit! That's awesome!" he yelled out. "Congrats, bro! I hope it goes well."

"Yeah, me too," I said. "But don't say anything to Josh. I want to surprise him."

"When are you going to tell him?"

"Right after I buy the tickets," I said.

"Shit, man, they stopped selling those last month!"

"Buddy, don't you know me well enough to know that anything I want, I'll get?"

Joe laughed at me. "Yeah, I guess you're right, although I don't know how you're gonna manage this one."

We pulled up to Josh's house.

"Not a word," I ordered to Joe. "Not a single word. And get that grin off your face!"

"Dude, I'm always smiling!"

"I know but today it looks suspicious!"

"I just cannot believe that you're actually going to do it!"

"Shut up, here he comes!" I said.

Josh opened up the front door and started talking immediately.

"Steve!! Guess what? My mom said it was okay for me to take my learner's permit test. She actually filled out the form for me earlier this week as a surprise for me! I have it here! You want to take me to the Licence center after school?"

"Wow, bud! That's great news! Yeah, we can go after school. I don't have practice today," I answered.

"COOL!" he exclaimed as he slammed his door shut. "I can't wait. You can then teach me, too!"

"Oh God!" cried Joe from the back seat. "Josh, he is a horrible teacher. He tried to teach me how to drive. Trust me, it's a real treat!"

"Joe, with the way you were driving, anyone would have jumped out of the car!" I said, remember Joe's first time behind the wheel. It was a sight to see.

"Shut up, I'm a good driver!"

"Well, who cares? I want Steve to teach me, man!"

"How did you do?" I asked, putting down the booklet.

"I think I passed," he said, smiling at me.

I ruffled his hair and said, "I know you did, bud!"

"Thanks," he said.

Finally after ten long minutes, we heard, "O'Hara."

Josh looked at me with that expression that I loved. That expression that said that he truly was a boy and needed love and support.

"You'll get it, buddy, I know you will. Do you want me to go up with you?"

"No, I'll be fine," he said getting up.

He walked over to the counter and I watched him. His back was to me, so I couldn't see his face. He suddenly turned around at me and gave me a thumbs up! He got it!

He filled out some more paper work and answered a few more questions. He proudly walked back to me and said, "I got it!"

He then went to get his permit and I stayed behind and read more about riding a motorcycle. I was so happy for him. He came over to me once again and said, "Come on, I'm ready!"

We walked out and I handed the keys to my car. Well, my parent's car. I knew that I should not let him drive it without my parents' permission, but I couldn't resist.

"Oh shit, Steve! This is gonna be awesome. I used to drive up on my grandma's farm a little, so I know a little about how to drive."

"Good," I said, hoping that he would be better than Joe was when he was learning. As soon as I got inside the car, I buckled my seat belt and went over everything with Josh. Actually, I was quite nervous as it sank in. I was going to let Josh drive.

"Now, take some time to adjust everything," I said. "Seat, mirrors....and make sure you know where your major controls are.

"Damn, Steve," he said, grabbing my hand. "You sound like my mom!"

"I can't help it, bud. I'm a little nervous," I answered.

"Have I fucked up anything yet?" he asked.

"No, but there's always a first! Now buckle up."

He did and he started the car with no problem. Luckily, I had backed in the car so he would not have to back it out of a parking spot.

"Now, look at both ways before you pull out."

"I am," he said, looking both ways.

:"Okay, once it's clear, you can go," I said, knowing it was clear.

"Okay," he said,

He put the car into drive and made the same mistake I did. He floored it.

"FUCK!" I screamed, as he put on the brakes.

"Sorry," he said, giggling. "Didn't know the accelorator was that touchy!"

"Dude, you don't even need to give it gas to pull out of your spot. Just let your foot off the brake while it's in gear."

"Oh," he said, trying it again.

I held on to the edge of the seat as he pulled out of his spot. He actually did it very well. Knowing that we did not go on many busy roads, I felt that it was fine for him to drive home. I kept holding on, though, just in case.

"Uh, bud, that car's stopping ahead," I said, trying to stay calm.

"I see it," he said, stepping on the brakes. Just as he had stomped on the accelerator before, he stomped on the brakes. And as one would expect, the wheels locked up. Luckily, we were not going fast at all and the vehicle stopped.

"Not that hard!" I yelled.

"Steve, I'm just getting used to the car! Relax!" he said, appearing to be as relaxed as can be.

"All right, keep going, but be careful."

I'll have to admit, he could drive well right from the start. After those rough patches, he seemed to be doing well on the road. We were just about to pull on the busiest road that was on our way home.

"Now, remember to signal, and ...."

"Steve, I know this all," he said, as he signaled and looked both ways.

"Oh," I said, still hanging on.

"Dude, you are horrible at this!" Josh said, laughing.

"Just drive," I said, softly.

He drove the car very well, but he needed to get over a lane to turn left, which was coming up shortly.

"All right, now you have to make a lane change," I said, turning my head to see what was to the left of us. "It's clear now, so if you want to move over, signal.. and..."

I watched in awe as he just turned on his signal, looked into the mirror, turned his head to the left-rear to make sure it was clear, and then it happened. As with most new drivers, the car went in whatever direction he was looking. I screamed and I quickly grabbed the steering wheel. Josh turned ahead to realize he was drifting and reacted quickly. He put us back in the lane.

"Sorry," he said, still grinning.

"Baby, you gotta keep an eye on what you're doing up here when you change a lane."

"I know, I'm sorry."

"It's all right," I said, my forehead soaked with sweat.

He attempted to make the lane change again and succeeded this time.

"Wow! Bud, that was pretty good!" I said, amazed.

But then again, I spoke too soon. We were driving for about a half a mile before I decided to tell him what was wrong.

"Bud, are you going to turn left?"

"Yeah, but it's about a mile from here. Why?"

"Oh, I thought you were going to turn soon. Your signal light is on."

"Oh shit," he said, reaching down to lift the lever back up to the center position.

Now that we had a few seconds to relax, I looked over at Josh. Josh looked like he was concentrating thoroughly on the matter at hand. He looked so cute behind the wheel. He still had this confidence that I thought he never had when I first met him. It was amazing.

That relaxing thought was eradicated from my brain as I was suddenly shoved forward in my seat from the hard brake Josh gave.

"Oops, sorry again," he said, grinning.

I grabbed on to the edge of the seat again and said, "That's okay, bud. Just remember to go easy on the pedals. Here's where you turn left, so start to signal."

"I got it," he said as he turned on his signal. He braked more easily this time. I thought we were in the clear. He waited until no cars were coming at him and we were back to smoking rubber again.

"Fuck!" I yelled out, as I grabbed on to anything I could. Had I not been wearing my seat belt, I was sure he would have flung me out the door.

I guess it shocked him because he immediately put on his brake and stopped in mid-turn while we were in the opposite lane. I just look at him for a split second, and looked back to see if there were cars coming.

He looked a little less composed and continued on his turn, lightly accelerating through the turn.

"Uh, bud, I think that's all for me today," I said, knowing I might hurt his feelings.

"It's okay, Steve," he said, signaling that he was going to pull into the parking lot off to the right. He pulled the car in and stopped. He unbuckled his seat belt, opened his door, and was just about to step out.

"Hold on, Jeff Gordon!" I exclaimed, not wanting to be in a runaway car.

"What?" he started to say as he took his foot off the brake. As the car started to inch forward, he started to chuckle. "Oh," he said as he put the brake back on.

He put the car into park and shut the engine off. He let out a sigh of relief and then looked at me.

"You really are a woman," he said, looking straight at me.

"What?" I asked defensively.

"Dude, you like totally freaked out while I was driving," he said, laughing.

"Well, bud, I was, I don't know..."

"I'm not saying it was a bad thing. I never knew though that you being the dumb laid back jock you are could be such a fuckin' woman with me behind the wheel!"

"Hey, fuck you! I've never done this before," I countered. "It's not as easy as I thought it would be!"

"Well, Joe said that you were going to be like that. He was definitely right!"

I looked over at Josh's cute face and all I could do was just laugh. He laughed and I laughed.

"I'm sorry if I freaked on you, baby," I said, softly after the laughter subsided.

"No big deal, man," he said, leaning over to give me a kiss.

We both got out of the car and switched places. I went to get into the car again and attempted to get into the car again. Only Josh hadn't move the seat back and my knees were up against the dashboard.

I moved the seat back and said, "Damn, bud, you're short!"

"Shut up!" he shot back.

We both got comfortable again and I drove us back home to my house. It was six o'clock already and I'm sure my parents were wondering where I went. Sure enough, we were both greeted with a not-so-warm welcome from my mom.

"Where have you been? Josh's mom called here looking for him!"

"Oops," Josh said.

"Well, she left a message for you to call her at work, once you got home. So I guess you should call her now. The phone's in the other room."

Then she looked at me, "And you, young man! I don't care if you're not going to be home, but at least tell me that you're not. I was just about to call around myself!"

"Okay, mom, I'm sorry. We were just so excited. I took Josh to get his permit today," I explained. Josh quietly snuck into the other room while I got interrogated by my own mother.

"Permit? Learner's Permit?"

"Yeah, he finally took his permit test and he passed the first time he took it!"

My mom smiled at that news. "Well, I'm glad to hear that. But, then I assume you took him out for a lesson in our car?" she asked.

I shook my head yes.

"Steven, you know how we feel about your friends driving our car," she said. "But, since he's your boyfriend, and you're a decent driver already, I guess no harm done."

I was a bit shocked at what she just said.

"Just be careful and ask the next time you do it," she said, turning around to go back into the kitchen.

Josh came around the corner to where I was.

"Mom was assisting a patient at the time. I left a message for her," he said.

"Well, did you give the news in the message?"

"No, I want to tell her myself!"

"Are you boys hungry?" my Mom called from the kitchen.

"Yeah!" I said, realizing I was hungry even with the ride from hell home.

"Well, clean up and come to the table. Dad's out at a meeting tonight and I have to go join him myself, so it's all you tonight!"

Wow! An evening alone in the house. I looked at Josh and grinned. He grinned back and we went in and had dinner. My mom ran out the door shortly after that, leaving us alone.

"Well, what should we do after dinner?" Josh asked, stuffing his face with spaghetti.

"Fuck?" I asked.

"Good, at least we're on the same page!"

Just then I realized that I had forgotten what I had been thinking about all day. My eyes must have shown it because guess who noticed it?

"What?"

"I just remembered something."

"Oh shit," Josh said. "This ought to be good. What did you forget now?"

"It's nothing, trust me," I said, resuming my feasting as well.

As per my Mom's instructions, we both cleaned up our places at the table and then we ran upstairs. I knew it was Josh's intentions to get me naked right after we got up there, but I had to stall him. I couldn't resist keeping it from him any longer.

"Josh," I said, holding him tight. "I was so proud of you today, man."

"Thanks," he said, kissing me. "Do you want me naked now?"

"Uh, soon," I said, breaking away from the embrace. I turned to him and looked at him.

"I want you to know how happy you have made me," I said, softly, looking into his eyes.

He blushed and turned away. I reached out and turned his face towards me. I smiled at him and kissed him again.

"So, uh, you haven't given the prom any more thought have you?"

Josh frowned a bit and replied, "No, man. I thought we decided that we weren't going. I haven't thought about it since."

"Look, Josh, I'm sorry. I know you're disappointed about it. I am too. But that's why I feel..."

"Yeah, I know, I know. That's why you feel we shouldn't go at all. I understand that. I agreed it was the best thing to do. Even though, I wish we could go. But, trust me, it's okay."

I just looked at him, deep into those blue eyes.

"What?" he asked, when I didn't say anything.

I reached into my jean's pocket, pulling out two tickets, and continued, "That's why I feel like we should have these."

"What are those?"

"Two tickets!"

"To what? A movie? A show?" he asked, growing a little impatient.

"Josh, dumb ass, they're to the prom!" I said with a hug grin on my face.

"Oh, great," he said, not exactly giving me the kind of response I was expecting.

He looked at me again. And suddenly, he seemed to have finally gotten what I was trying to say.

"You mean us, together?" he slowly asked.

I really loved him. I took one look at him and took in a deep breath. "Yes, we are going to go."

Josh walked over to where I was standing. He wrapped his arms around me and said, "What?"

"We'll go," I repeated.

"Together?" he asked.

"Yeah, together as a couple," I said, smiling down at him.

He grabbed the back of my head and pulled me in for a kiss. This was a frantic, passionate kind of kiss.

"You really mean it?" he asked.

"Yes, I do," I said, kissing him back.

"Fuck, man!"

"Yeah, I know."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes I am," I said, feeling very sure I had made the right decision.

"Steve, can you pinch me?"

"Huh?"

"I want to make sure I'm not dreaming," he replied, looking into my eyes. His bright blue eyes sparkled.

"I'll do better than that," I said, grabbing his cock.

"Are you sure?" he asked again.

"Yes, I am sure."

Truth be told, I wasn't. But at that moment, no matter how unsure I was, I knew I had done the right thing. And that was all that mattered.