Losing To Win, Part VIII
"Tim, The Other Hottie"
By Joey E
I'm pleased to present the eighth installment of "Losing To Win", a fictional story about gay males learning about love and life. If this is not your scene, please get out now. If you are under 18 (or 21 in some areas), please get out now too. All rights reserved by the author, Joey E. Any unauthorized duplication is strictly prohibited. I would like to thank all who have responded about this series. Please keep the comments coming. And now, on with the story.
Here I was, telling Josh I wanted him and only him. I was taking a big risk. I hadn't thought everything through about our relationship and what it would mean for us. I mean, there were several problems on different levels. I just figured they would work out by themselves. I was not prepared for what Josh was going to say though.
"Steve, I'm sure you mean what you said. But do you know what will happen if we become a couple? I've been there before, Steve. I know what people will do and say. I couldn't do that to you. I won't do that for you," he said, very seriously.
"Huh?" I asked, shocked.
"Steve, you're the most popular guy I know. I don't want to drag you down. I mean, being with me will be a thing I'm not sure you're ready to deal with. And until you know what you are, I don't think it would be a wise thing to do."
"You can't be serious," I muttered. "Dude, I just broke up with my girlfriend for you."
"But what's going to happen tomorrow at school?"
"What? I'm not going to hold your hand or anything like that in public..."
"I'm not even talking about that. Are you going to sit next to me at lunch? Are you going to invite me over to your table? Are you going to be comfortable being seen with me?"
I was totally blown away. "You've been thinking about this a lot, haven't you?"
He shook his head yes. "And I know better than to say not to worry. It doesn't matter whether we have each other or not to get through it. It really doesn't. It comes down to you and how you deal with it. I don't want to drag you down Steve. I fuckin' like you a lot. I don't want to see you go through what I went through."
I grabbed him by the hand and pulled him up.
"Let's go, bro," I said, grabbing his hand, pulling him towards the stairs.
"Where the fuck are we going?"
"For a walk. We can't talk about this here," I said. "Come on."
He reluctantly followed me up the steps and we went out the door. We started walking and then I stopped and turned around.
"Look, I didn't go through all of this to tell me you won't let me do this to myself. This is my life and I live it how I want to live it. I've always done that and I don't intend on changing that. I fell for you. You're all I think about. I can change. I will change. All the shit I will go through will be worth it. I don't know why you're thinking the things you're thinking, but it's not right. I can't believe that you have had an effect on me like this, but you have. And now I'm ready to face it head on. I look at you and I think, damn, he's the hottest person I have ever met. Maybe I'm being foolish. But I go after what I want. And you are what I want."
Josh looked at me for a while. "Then what?"
"After you get me, then what?"
"Then what? That's a stupid question, dude. Then we fuckin' make love. We fuckin' go out together. Do stuff together. Dude, what happened to you? I thought this is what you wanted me to do all along!"
"I did. But now that you've done it, I wonder if you're going to fuck up the rest of your life?"
I sighed in frustration. "It's my life and my decisions. I want to go out with you, dude. Will you fuckin' go out with me?" I exclaimed.
Josh looked at me in shock. He stared in my eyes. A smile crept over his face. God he was so cute. He wrapped his arms around me, right on my fuckin' street, and leaned up. I instinctively leaned down and met his lips. I never gave it a second thought and wrapped my arms around him. This is where I wanted to be. Anywhere with Josh. It just felt right.
We kept walking and I told him how I broke up with Jill. He was deeply concerned about her as I was. But I also knew that Jill wouldn't tell anyone. I trusted her not to do that.
"Well, I know you mean what you say, Steve. I know you do. But, I highly doubt you can do all those things you do. You haven't even admitted to yourself you are gay. I don't even know if you even think you're gay!"
I was frustrated beyond belief. I knew if I didn't control my anger, things would have been said that I didn't mean. I took a deep breath and looked into his eyes.
"You have to believe me," I said.
"Huh?" Josh asked, suddenly pulled into reality again with me.
"You have to believe me. That's all I can say, Josh. You have to believe me."
"Steve," he started to say.
"Can't you be happy? I'm trying real hard to be what you want me to be. I don't know any other way. I can change. I am changed. You changed me. I want to be different for you."
Josh said nothing but started to walk again. He stopped and turned around.
All I wanted to do at that point was hold him and hug him. Feel him in my arms. I needed to take him in my arms right then and there. I walked up to him, said nothing, and just wrapped my arms around him. His head rested against my chest almost immediately.
"Why do you like me?" he asked, almost in a whisper.
"Don't know," I said. "I just do. The way you look at me. The way you walk. The way you sound. The way you do everything. I could watch you all day and all night and never get tired of watching you."
"Oh," he said, trying to break free of my hold. He looked up at me. "Do you really think this will work?"
"I think it will, bud, I think it will. I know it will. You have to trust me."
We kept walking. We started talking about lighter subjects. Lots of things were left unsaid. But I had to leave. He had to leave. We kissed and said goodbye. I was feeling very tired and actually felt a headache coming on. I went up to my room and went to bed immediately.
The next morning, I woke up and felt like shit. I had a stomach ache and headache. I did my paper route in a haze and then went back to bed.
"Steve!" my Dad yelled.
I opened my eyes and looked up at him in my doorway of my bedroom.
"You're gonna be late!"
"Aw, shit dad, please, I'm sick."
He came in as he usually did when I wouldn't wake up. Only this time, I seriously did feel like I was going to throw up and pass out. I felt like shit.
"Dad, please, I feel sick," i said, looking into his eyes.
His facial expression changed when he realized I was serious. He put his hand up to my forehead.
"Damn, son, you feel warm," he said. "Donna," He yelled to my mother. "I think you have a fever son."
My mom appeared in my doorway. Why was it always a family affair when I was sick? All I wanted to do was roll over and go back to sleep. I was cold and shivering underneath my blankets by this point.
"Honey you look terrible," she said, coming over to my side. I looked up at her as best I could. She put her hand to my forehead too and said, "I'll get the thermometer. I think you have a fever."
Well, no shit, I thought to myself. To make a long story short, I was allowed to stay home. I was sick with a fever. I don't remember much else that day. I had a TV in my room and it was on most of the day, as I zoned in and out. My stomach was killing me, though I was not really throwing up. At one point I wished I was.
To make a long story short, I was sick for three days, finally throwing up and feeling worse and worse. My mom stayed home on Thursday and Friday to take care of me. Josh called me both nights to see how I was. But we didn't talk much because I was so weak. Finally Friday afternoon, I felt like I was alive again. I got up off the couch, took a shower, and actually studied a little. Josh came over Friday night to give me my homework assignments which I didn't want at all.
"Well, here's what you missed in Physics. I'll lend you my notes and we can study them over the weekend I guess."
"Oh bud, I'm still planning to go up to my bro's for the weekend," I said. "But I should be home by Sunday afternoon. Want to get together then?"
"Uh, sure, man."
I said very quietly, "I missed you, Josh. I want to see you."
"So do I, Steve. I've missed you too," he said.
"I want to kiss you but I don't want to get you sick," I said.
"Do it anyway," he said, leaning in for a kiss.
I met him half way and we kissed, passionately. I soon had my arms around him. It felt so good to be able to hold him. He wrapped his arms around me too. We both parted at the same time, realizing now was not the place or time.
"Wish I could spend the night with you," I whispered.
"I wish I could too."
"Why don't you?" I asked.
"Won't that be a little awkward with your parents here?"
"Yeah, shit," I said.
"And besides, I don't really want to get sick."
"Yeah, I don't want you to either," I answered.
He left shortly after that. I felt good. Health wise and emotionally wise. I went to bed with a smile on my face.
Well fortunately, my health improved back to normal on Saturday, which was what I was really hoping for. I was looking forward to going up to my bro's campus and meeting his friend. I never really talked to someone who was gay and this was one opportunity I was not going to let pass me by.
I hoped in the car and made the trip in about an hour which was good for during the day. I thought about invited Josh with me, but I thought it would be better if I went alone, at least for the first time. I got out of the car, went up to my bro's apartment door, took a deep breath, and knocked.
I heard footsteps coming down the stairs and the door opened. My bro stood there and had a big grin on his face.
"Little bro!" he exclaimed. "What's up? Come upstairs bro. Tim is already here."
We both walked up the steps and through the opened door. I saw a guy sitting on the couch. He was a short guy, about 5'4", maybe about 125 pounds, short brown curly hair, and a nice build. He was wearing a skin tight t-shirt and jeans.
"Yo Tim," my bro said. Tim got up and stood in front of us.
"Hey, Steve, this is Tim. Tim, this is my bro, Steve," Matt said.
We both extended our hands at the same time. I was taken back by Tim's good looks. His blue eyes were hypnotizing. I was actually nervous to even talk to him. I tried to say something but couldn't.
"Hey, man, nice to see you again!" he said, smiling.
"We met before?" I finally asked.
:"Sure," Matt said. "You met him like four months ago when you helped me move in. He lives next door to me."
"Oh," I said, smiling at Tim again.
"You were drunk, dude. I don't blame you for not remembering me," he said with a grin.
I blushed. I couldn't believe I didn't remember this hot little guy. He was hot as fuck and I didn't know how to control myself. I just stared into his beautiful blue eyes. I looked over at my bro, who had a surprised look on his face, probably from never seeing his little bro react to a guy like this before. He looked kind of uncomfortable.
"Uh, you wanna hang out here for a little?" Matt finally asked.
"Uh, sure," I said, moving over to the couch to sit down. Tim followed suit, leaving my brother standing there, not sure what to do. It was kind of amusing. I was hoping someone would say something soon.
"So, Steve, you're bro has told me a lot about you. In fact he never shuts up about you," he said, chuckling. "Always bragging about your ERA in baseball."
"Fuck you," my bro said, sitting in the chair next to the couch.
"Well, my bro had mentioned you too, but I didn't know you were, uh..."
"Gay?" Tim asked with a grin on his face. "Yeah, well, I don't broadcast it over the campus dude. I tell who I want to tell, and trust them not to say anything about it. I'm not ashamed of who I am, but I am not going to tell the world about it. Never felt that need."
To be honest, I felt a little strange talking about this in front of my big brother, who I've always looked up to and wanted to please. Being this way made me feel like I wasn't living up to his expectations at times.
"Bro, is it making you uncomfortable that I'm here?" Matt asked.
I looked at him and gave him a weak smile. "Sort of."
Matt smiled at me. He got up off the chair and came over to me. He ruffled up my hair, as he always did.
"Do you want to take him down to your place, Tim?" he asked.
"Uh, sure, I guess. Would you feel more comfortable talking there? My roommates are gone for the weekend," Tim said to me.
"Yeah, I guess," I said, not sure what to say.
Tim got up off the couch. I followed suit.
"Well, you guys go and talk. You wanna go out for lunch in about an hour?" Matt asked.
"Sure," Tim said. I nodded yes. We walked down the steps and went into the apartment next door.
"Well, Steve, make yourself comfortable," he said, sitting down on the couch.
"Dude, how much has my bro told about me?" I asked, sitting down.
"Uh, well, he said you just came out to him and that you had someone who you were after. He wasn't sure what to do or say. He did say it wasn't that much of a surprise, although it still was a surprise."
"How did you know you were...uh?"
"Gay?" he asked, laughing. "Dude, it's all right to say it. I don't care."
"It just seems weird," I said.
"Well, I guess I always knew. You know, looking back, I always did like guys. I remember back in elementary school, there was this guy in second grade. I didn't know what it was about him, I just knew I liked him. I didn't even know what it was back then, but I know I liked him. It was just a part of me. Weird huh? I finally accepted it when I was a senior in high school, but I never really came to terms with it until I was in college. How was it for you?"
"I don't know. I never really thought about it. I know it sounds strange, almost unbelievable, but I never really checked out guys until I saw Josh. I suppose I was watching him from the moment I first saw him in school. I didn't realize it though until I started talking to him. Josh isn't a typical hot guy. He's sort of dorky looking, but there's something very cute about him too."
"What does he look like?" Tim asked.
"Oh, he's about you're height a little taller, a little skinnier, strawberry blonde hair, blue eyes, a fuckin' cute ass..."
Tim laughed. "Sounds like my kind of guy!"
"Yeah. I can't understand for the life of me why I am attracted to him. He makes everyone I knew seem dull and boring. And what's worse, ever since I noticed I was attracted to him, I find myself checkin' out other dudes."
"Nothin' wrong with that, man! Feel free to check out anyone you want. I do it all the time."
"Don't that make you scared though?"
"Nah, you just gotta do it more discreetly. Like I've been checkin' out your bro for the past three years now. He caught on to it, but he makes jokes now. But I hope you don't mind me saying, but your bro's a hottie!"
I grinned and laughed. "Yes he is."
"You checkin' your own brother out?" he asked.
"Incest is best!" I joked. I couldn't believe how comfortable I felt around Tim. He had a warm, caring personality to him that made him so easy to talk to.
"Seriously dude, though, just go with the flow. Don't care about what anyone else thinks or says. Though it's impossible to do that, I know, do your best. Go after what you feel is best for you. If you're gay, then you're gay. If you're not, well, at least you tried."
I couldn't help myself as my eyes traveled down Tim's body. He had a well-defined chest that was accented by his t-shirt. He had the most amazing smile too.
"Dude, " he said.
Those blue eyes were so fuckin' hot...
And those lips....
"Uh...yeah?" I asked, snapping back into reality.
"Sorry," I said, turning away.
"Hey, it's cool, man. You didn't even notice I was checking you out before did you?"
"No," I said, looking back at him.
He laughed again. "Well I was. You fuckin' look like a younger version of your brother. Damn," he said, smiling.
"Thanks," I said. I was sure I was blushing at this point.
"Sorry, didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. I'm sure you know you could have your pick of any chick you wanted."
I smiled at that comment. "Yeah."
"Well, you probably could have your pick of any dude you wanted too, if you would let yourself."
"Aw, buddy, I don't know about that. The idea of a dude hitting on a dude is still a little hard for me to comprehend. I know I like Josh. Josh likes me."
"Have you guys fooled around?" he asked.
"Yeah, a few times," I answered.
"You make out, suck, fuck, what?"
"Damn, dude," I said.
"What? We're fuckin' guys. We're supposed to talk about having sex, fucking, sucking, whatever. We're fuckin' pigs. It doesn't matter if we're gay, straight, bi. We're men, first and foremost, dude. So, you should be proud of whatever you do, whether it's with a guy or girl."
I just looked at him in amazement. It was true. I realized at that moment that I did want to talk about what I did with Josh and how great it was. I had just been holding it inside, perhaps hoping it would go away.
I took a deep breath, looked him in the eyes, and said, "We've made out and we've sucked."
"He take your load?" he asked.
"WHAT?" I asked, laughing.
"You shoot in his mouth?"
"Actually, yeah, but I felt bad for doing that. He wasn't too happy when I just forced him to take my load. I didn't warn him or anything."
"Aw, dude, that ain't right.," he said.
"Well, yeah, I know it wasn't and we talked about it afterwards."
"No way in hell would someone do that to me."
"Well, actually he spit it back in my face and left," I said, amused at that fact.
"No shit? That's fuckin' awesome," Tim said.
I looked at Tim, studying his actions. "Yo, man, are you sure you're gay?"
"What do you mean by that?" he asked.
"I mean, you don't act like it. You fuckin' talk like one of guys, you dress like one of the guys, you act like one of the guys..."
"Dude, I am gay. Just because I'm gay, though, doesn't mean I'm some flaming queen strutting my stuff, acting like a fuckin' chick! There are plenty of gays out there who are masculine acting. Guys you wouldn't even think twice about being straight."
"Yeah, I guess so. I guess that's what I'll be," I said. "But it's weird though. I never really found the jocks I hang out with attractive. I mean, I grew up being with guys all the time. Then Josh comes along."
"But dude, in your description of Josh, he's not a jock. Maybe you're just not attracted to big dudes. I know from my own experience I like them either really tall or my height. I tend to go for guys that are lean and toned but not buff. I mean sure, muscle is nice to look at every now and then."
"Like my bro?" I asked, smiling.
"Well, your bro is borderline. Plus your bro has a fuckin' cute face. Great personality too. Like you," he said.
"So what you're saying is just because I might be gay, may not mean that I'm attracted to say my brother for a lack of a better example."
"Yeah. People have different tastes, it's no different here. When you see a guy you think is hot, then you'll know. It just something you feel."
"Like I did with Josh."
"Yeah exactly," he said. "Like I felt when I met my now ex-boyfriend."
"Ex?" I asked.
"Yeah, just recently too. The fucker broke up with me to be with his ex again."
"Damn, that sucks," I said, thinking to myself, why would anyone want to break up with this hottie?
"Yeah, it happened about a week ago. Really hurt at first, but I'm living."
"I just let go of my girlfriend of two years, for other reasons, obviously. But it really hurt to hurt her. I couldn't go on with a lie anymore."
"Fuck, that sucks," he said. "But I think you did the right thing. Do you feel better now that you did?"
"Yeah, I do, actually."
"How old are you, man?"
"I'll be eighteen in about two weeks," I said. "How about you?"
"Damn, you look about my age!" I said.
"Yeah, I get that all the time," he said, smiling. His smile was really getting to me and I knew that I either had to do something else or give into it. I smiled back at him.
"God you're cute," he said.
"So are you," I answered back. There was an awkward silence between us while we looked into each other's eyes. I wasn't quite sure what to do. He grinned again.
"I think we better go back up to your bro's before we start doing something else," he finally said.
I don't know what came over me, but I grabbed the back of his head and pulled him to me and pressed my lips against his. His lips parted and his tongue dashed into mine. He leaned into me, pushing me flat down on the couch. He basically threw himself on top of me and we were soon making out heavy. I wrapped my arms around his small body and he felt so good on top of me. I couldn't resist and my hands slid down to find a nice, firm ass. He moaned softly as we kissed.
He broke the kiss and sat back up.
"I really think we should end this now before it becomes something more," he said.
"Why?" I asked.
"Don't you have a boyfriend?"
"Sort of," I answered. "But who cares?"
"Dude, we have to stop. I don't want to fuckin' start something you can't finish. Look, you're gonna be here until tomorrow right?"
I nodded yes to him.
"Then, why don't we just hang out and if something happens more, then we'll see. I know you're just coming out and I know how that can be. But dude, you're my friend's bro...."
"Isn't that like a big fantasy though?"
He laughed. "Yeah it is, man. Yes it is."
"Fuck!" he exclaimed. "You're fuckin' hard to resist, dude."
I lifted up my t-shirt to expose my smooth, six pack stomach.
"Don't do that," he said, looking down at it.
"Why not? Don't you like it?" I asked, acting innocent.
"Fuck yeah, dude. I love that. I have it too, bro," he said, lifting up his shirt, revealing a smooth, well-defined six pack.
I put my hand up to it and ran it down. "Fuck," I whispered.
"Do you have any fuckin' clue what you're doing?" he asked.
"No, but I like it," I said, smiling.
He pulled his shirt down and pulled mine down as well. "Come on, Steve, we need to go back up to your bro's."
"Aw, shit..." I mummbled. I got up and stood back up. He was standing right in front of me. This cute college boy was in front of me and he wanted me. I could tell. I took him in my arms and just hugged him. He hugged me back.
I unwillingly followed him out the door and back up to my bro's apartment. He was sitting on the couch watching TV. He had just gotten out of the shower most likely and was just sitting there in his boxers and t-shirt. That was my big bro who I practically worshiped. The one who used to jerk off with me. The one who showed me how to masturbate. I felt extremely weak and vulnerable by the events that just took place. He knew something was up and he turned off the TV and looked at me.
"What's wrong?" he asked.
"Nothin'," I said, looking down at his crotch.
"Bro, you've got that look on your face. What happened?" he asked Tim.
"We had a nice chat," Tim answered, patting me on the shoulder. "He's a good guy, Matt."
"Yeah he is," he said, getting up off the couch. Unfortunately or fortunately, his cock dropped out of his fly when he did that.
"Uh dude," Tim said, pointing down to his cock.
"Oh shit!" Matt said, as he shoved it back in his boxers. "Woah, sorry about that, bud."
It had been years since I had seen his cock out. It brought back a lot of memories that I tried to repress over the years. My early teenage years, when I didn't know what I was doing. Fuck, I had lusted after my bro. It made sense to me now. I looked over at Tim who was watching my bro leave the room to get dressed.
"Tim," I said softly.
He turned towards me and smiled. "That was hot," he whispered.
I grinned back at him. "I have one just like it," I joked.
We both laughed out loud. He inched his way over to me. "Do you?" he asked, softly.
I looked down at his face. He was still grinning. I leaned down and kissed him softly on the lips.
"Oh shit!" I heard my bro say. We both turned around to find him standing in the hallway to his bedroom, looking at us.
I wiped my lips off and turned away immediately. Fuck, I thought to myself.
"Damn, bros. What the fuck are you trying to do? Fuckin' give me a heart attack?" he asked, walking the rest of the way into the room. He sat down on the couch, and proceeded to put his sneakers on.
"Sorry, Matt," Tim said.
"It's all right, bud. I just wasn't prepared to see you makin' out with my little bro," he said.
"I'm sorry, bro, shit," I said, totally embarrassed.
"Ah, it's all right. I guess that's something I should get used to. Fuck, but you're my brother!" Matt said. "Aw, fuck I really didn't need to see that, guys."
"Dude, we'll be more careful next time, " Tim said. "At least we weren't sucking cock!"
I had to laugh at that statement. I looked over at my brother. Still looking as hot as ever.
I shot a look over at Tim, still standing up. He grinned at me and then turned to my bro and asked, "Hey Matt, ever think of doing a threesome with your little bro and I?"
Other Stories by Joey E
Collision - High School
Chemistry - High School
Dan, The Man - College
No Seduction Required - Adult Friends
Summer Construction - Beginnings