Lost Angels: Chapter 3
He wrapped his arms around me, and held me close to him as I felt the warmth of his body combining with mine. We were as one, like we were meant for each other, and would go to the ends of the earth for each other. His hand runs through my hair, and I gasp at the mere touch...so sensuous, and yet so gentle. Those emerald eyes look deeply into mine, and I'm mesmerised by his beauty once more. I fall in love all over again, and each time it gets better and better. So good that no words can describe it. This must be what heaven feels like. I hear whispering, and he leans in close to me and our foreheads are touching. I smell his breath, and it smells so sweet to me. A smile from him, makes me smile. Nothing around us matters, we were the centre of the universe...all that mattered was each other. He closed his eyes, and I did the same as our lips met in the most passionate kiss imaginable. No tongues, but the touch of his sweet lips against mine caused my body to tremble and shudder, but he holds me firmly and gently. The kiss doesn't end, as I fell his arms roam my back and neck. His mouth begins to open and--
Shit! That fucking alarm clock! Angrily, I slam the snooze button and get up. Why do I keep dreaming about him? That's the 3rd time this week. I rub the sleep from my eyes, and then realise...FUCK! It's Saturday morning! I cursed at myself, realising that it was Saturday and was awake at 7:50am in the morning! Sleepily, I got back under the nice warm blankets and soaked it in, trying my best to get back to sleep which wasn't hard. I was out like a rock after about a minute! And did it ever feel good. All those times when you wished when you woke up for school, you could just go back to bed and forget about it? Well, this was like one of those times...only not really.
I got up at around 10:30 again, almost as if the previous wake-up hadn't happened at all. Lazily, I went to the bathroom to take care business, before washing my face with cold water to wake me up. Bruises were gone, and I was back to my normal self. I thought it'd be best if I kept myself this way, normal. No more beatings...although I'm not exactly sure how I'm going to avoid them, but I've made a decision. I took a shower, and brushed my teeth. After putting on a pair of cargo pants and a t-shirt, I went downstairs for breakfast. Dad would be at work until late, so I was basically free every weekend to do what I wanted. Not that I ever had much to do, it's not like anyone's calling me up every weekend and inviting me to the movies. No, I enjoyed the solitary life...sort of. Although at times, it can get very boring. One needs friends. Sometimes I just wished that I had someone to share my thoughts with...just someone to talk to. As it is said in Backstreet Boys' song, Shape of My Heart, "sadness is beautiful, loneliness is tragic..."
Well, I had missed all the Saturday morning cartoons, so I decided to watch a DVD. My dad wouldn't approve, but he doesn't have to know does he? I found some movie to watch just to keep me occupied for a while until my hunger took over and I'd go get MacDonalds or something. Just when I was getting to a really good part of the movie, the doorbell rings. Wondering who it could be, I finally pause the damn movie and get my lazy ass off the couch and to the front door.
"Who is it?" I shout through the door.
"It's Jessie, Michael, open up," I hear him reply.
I open the door, and there's his whole group standing there greeting me all at once. "Hey..." I must've looked surprised, cus Jessie had to fill me in.
"Hey, just passing by...and, uh, Andy had something to say," Jessie said before pushing Andy in front of me.
"Aw man! Look dude...I'm really sorry for what I said the other day. I was just mad at those guys...y'know," he said half apologetically.
They stood there waiting for my answer, and heck! I was in a good mood anyway.
"Look, no worries. No harm done," I say to him.
"Sometimes Andy says the...dumbest things!" said Jessica as she gave him a whack on the back of his head.
"Seriously, it's ok! Thanks for coming by guys," I smiled to them. Now it was their turn to look surprised. I don't think they had ever seen me smile, I tell you, it felt good to smile. And almost as if it were contagious, their faces seemed to lighten up too. Wow! I was on cloud nine now!
"Good, now that that's out of the way, you wanna come and hang out with us at the mall? But if you don't want to, it's ok," said Jessie, almost as if he weren't expecting me to accept the invitation.
He was sooo cute, and for the first time this morning, I looked closely at him and suddenly it hit me. I had been dreaming about Jessie on several occasions throughout the week. It was sooo strange, I knew he was cute and all, but I didn't realise I had feelings for him. And in my dreams, they seemed so real, so vivid, and all the memories had come back to me. My face must've gone red, because I felt all flustered. The boy I had been dreaming about was right here in front of me!
"Um, yeah...sure! Just let me get my wallet and keys," I smiled and ran to get my wallet and the house keys. I was so excited, like a kid waking up on Christmas morning. I'm going out! And no one's going to stop me!
We took the bus to the mall, and being a Saturday there weren't many people on the bus. Well, besides an elderly person here and there, but that's about it. I wanted to be seen with my friends, if that was what they were. I wanted to be around people, to be able to talk and have fun. And I felt like this was my big chance to do what I had always wanted. Jessie sat next to me, I was next to the window looking out. I felt the sunlight on me, making me warm on this morning that was beginning to warm up. I looked next to me, and saw Jessie staring at me with those stunning emerald eyes. He smiled, showing me those pearl whites and looked away leaving me wondering what that was all about. The others were chattering away, but I didn't feel left out. I'll contribute when I have something to say, and they seemed to know that now.
"Y'know, we haven't seen you all week. You ok?" Jessie asked, as we were starting our own little conversation.
"Yeah, yeah...I've been fine. I haven't done anything stupid if that's what you mean..." I said to him softly, referring to the bath-tub/razor incident.
"That's good to hear. You look good..." he said smiling, looking a little lost.
"...oh, y'know...the bruises are gone and all..." he said, like he was snapping out of some trans.
"Oh yeah, thanks," I reply, smiling at his funny little display just now.
"I wanna show you something later at the mall," he said, changing the topic.
"Really? What is it?" I asked him, feeling a bit excited.
"You'll see later!" he smiled at my enthusiasm.
Hearing him say that made me really excited, and I was suddenly really looking forward to seeing what it was Jessie wanted to show me. "It had better be good," I warned him, but in friendly tone. We arrived, and headed straight off to the cinema complex and catch a movie before we had lunch and just basically hang around. Sounded like a good plan to me. The cinema was such a cool area. You had to go down some stairs, to a carpeted area and it was like dark blue. The walls were filled with movie posters, and various decorations that made it seem really classy. We bought tickets for 'Mummy Returns,' which we decided on after 10 minutes of dicussion. Jessie bought my ticket even though I offered to pay for myself. But he insisted, so I let him, but only if I bought the drinks for him and he agreed.
We sat through that movie in total awe of how visually stimulating it was. I loved it a lot! There were a couple of instances where Jessie's hand would brush mine as we both reached for the popcorn at the same time. Everytime it happened, it sent electric shocks through me. I felt all giddy inside. Everytime it happened, I would enjoy that split second as if it were forever. But of course, forever is never enough. There was constant whispering between Jessie and I. He would say things like, 'That was kewl wasn't it?' or 'How'd they do that?' And each time I'd just smile back to him.
It then occurred to me how much he could light up my life with just a smile. It made me feel so good, and I'd sit there with this goofy smile on my face without even knowing why! When the movie ended we headed off to the food court, which was now swarming with people. We bought something to eat, before roaming the area. Walking with a group of people was a new thing to me, and I enjoyed it a lot. Was I fitting in? Cus it sure felt like it. For some strange reason, I felt more at home with these people, than I did with my father.
"You guys go ahead, I wanna show Michael something..." said Jessie, separating us from the rest of the group.
"Oh, Jessie...you're not going to show him the--" started Jessica.
"Shhh! Yeah, I am...initiation..." said Jessie, bewildering me a little. What was he on about? Initiation?
At this point I was getting more and more curious at what he wanted to show me...but when I asked, he'd blush and tell me that I'll see. "C'mon...tell me! Please!" I begged, but he kept his ground. So we started walking, and the group hung around that area awaiting for us to return. "What's so special that you have to show me? I mean...we've only just met..."
"Look at that..." he said, stopping to stare at a store window. It was a jewellry store, and I turned my attention to what he was pointing at and saw a beautiful bracelet on display. Besides all the other ear-rings, rings, the bracelet stood out a shiny silver, small chained bracelet. There was a little plaque section where an engravement could be made, and had a beautiful flower carvings that decorated it. It wasn't a girlish thing, but the intricate details could be seen when you looked closely at it. It was certain beautiful, and I realised that I had been staring at it for some time not saying a word, but admiring it's beauty. I saw Jessie's reflection in the glass as he stared at me. He laughed.
"It's beautiful isn't it?" he asked.
"Yes...very..." I admitted, still admiring it.
"I'm saving up for it...I knew as soon as I saw it that I had to have it. But I didn't want to keep it...I wanted to give it to someone special like a partner or something..." he explained to me, and by the sound of his thoughtfulness, he had put a lot of thought into it too. I was amazed, but kind of understood what he meant. I mean, it was so beautiful and giving it to someone would mean so much more than a price tag. It was like a priceless piece of work, which had such a deeper meaning than just being on the surface. It's hard to explain.
"Whoever you're going to give it to, she's going to be a lucky person," I smiled. He smiled at me in a strange way and we both leaned in close to look at the display.
"What if...I weren't going to give it to a girl?" he asked softly, leaning back slowly and looking at me waiting anxiously for a reply. I eyed him suspiciously, afraid of what he was indicating. I didn't want to believe anything anymore, like I couldn't trust my senses or my heart.
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, I'm just like you..." he smiled, careful for his choice of words.
"You mean you're--"
"Yes!" he answered very quickly, eyeing the area making sure that no one was listening or had caught on.
"Really? Wow..." I said, trying to give him as much of a reaction as possible. I was shocked to say the least.
"Hehehe...I expected a bigger reaction from you that just wow. I mean...my friends reacted a little differently," he laughed and started walking back towards the group with him. He was very calm about telling me, almost as if he had done it before with lots of practice. "You mean...you've told your friends? Wow again?" I replied, looking at him for some kind of approval. He smiled at me again, and I shyly looked away with a grin on my own face, yet not quite knowing why. What if....nah!
"I thought that if you were able to trust me with your secret, then I knew that I could trust you with mine..." he said.
"So I'm a friend now?"
"Of course! What do you think ya dork!" he said rolling his eyes making the cutest expression. With that, he put his arm around me casually and we walked back toward the group who all had expressions of surprise on their faces. They all knew, and so did I now.
"So, he passed the initiation?" asked Jessica.
"Yep, he's one of us!" answered Jessie.
They gave some cheers, patted me on the back and made me feel really comfortable among them. It was great to have this feeling of belonging. I know that this is the beginning of something much more different to what happened between Trent and I. The way our friendship formed. For starters, I'm not the only one that's gay, although Jessie is the only one that knows about me. On the bus trip home, Jessica who I think had taken a liking to me pretty quickly, started explaining how their...our little group started. Just a group of friends that grew up together, and one day Jessie confessed his liking for other boys. Surprisingly, no one else had a problem with it, they were still the best of friends. Jessie only told them because he trusted them with all his heart, and that was what friendship was all about. Being able to trust people...and I guess Jessie trusted me. But I did confess my secret to him first, so that probably made it a little easier on him. I'll just keep that to myself for now.
As the week went by, I was able to avoid another beating by Trent and his thugs, by being around my group. I seemed to always have someone around me, and as long as I had that someone with me, Trent would't make a move on me for some strange reason. Probably because he only has a problem with me, and no them. In a sick sense, it was the right thing to do. And everytime Trent saw me with my new group of friends, and how they had accepted me it sickened him. It disgusted him that I had friends, and I knew that he hated my guts. Sometimes when we're walking away from him, I can feel his eyes burning into the back of my head, and I'd have to force myself not to look back.
"You look troubled," said Jessica one day after school, while walking home with me.
"Hmmm? Do I?" I answered.
"C'mon, spill it. That moping look is not for you...although you do look cute when you do it," she smiled at me. I rolled my eyes and smiled back at her.
"I'm just thinking," I replied, hoping to get off the topic before I got too mopy again.
"Well, you haven't said a word until now...so tell..."
I stopped and looked her in the eye. "You really wanna know?" I asked teasingly.
"Yes!" she giggled.
"Trent is going to kill me," I said in a dead serious tone.
"What makes you say that?" her expression of laughter turned to seriousness all of a sudden.
"He sees me with you guys, and he hates it. He told me to stay away from you guys, and I'm hanging out with you all the time. He's going to kill me...I know it."
"No you don't! He's just jealous or something, forget about that jerk."
I agreed with her, and walked her home. That night, I was in my room doing homework when my phone rang. It scared the shit out of me, before I dropped my pen and picked it up.
"Hey, Mikey-boy!" It was a cheery Jessie on the other line.
"Hey Jessie...thanks for scaring the shit out of me," I smiled into the phone.
"Picture this...the house is dead quiet, and I'm sitting at my desk. The phone in my room rings, loud as can be..." I tried to illustrate the picture as best I could to him.
"Hehehe...sorry dude. Point taken."
"How can I help you?"
"Nothing, got bored. What you doing?"
"Homework," I confessed, "although none of it is really making sense. Let's face it, school life isn't cut out for me."
"Yeah? Then how come your a 'straight-A' student?"
"Luck," I said matter of factly.
We talked well into the night, past my bed time anyway. Having him on the other end of the line was kinda wierd. On any other night, I'd have been in bed ages ago crying myself to sleep. But here I am talking on the phone about anything and everything, and it was just so amazing. Doing something that I never thought possible. All those endless nights crying myself to sleep, when all I needed was a friend. Someone to listen to my problems, a shoulder to cry on. Just a person was what I needed, and I can't believe how long it took for me to have that someone. A friend. It was comforting, knowing that there IS someone I can trust in this world. Just one person is all it takes, and it's all I need.
Suddenly I heard my dad's car pull up in the driveway, and I looked at the clock and realised that it was 12:30. "Shit, dude I gotta go!" I whispered into the phone before hanging up before Jessie had the chance to say anything. I quickly turned off my light, closed my door, and jumped into my bed and under the covers. I heard the front door open, and slam shut. My breathing was rapid from fear as I heard footsteps come up the stairs and stop outside my room. I pulled the covers over my head, and I heard him try to open my door but not forcefully. When he found that it was locked, I heard him them stumble to his bedroom and close his door. I breathed a sigh of relief and thanked God for being kind to me tonight. I then fell asleep.
Jessie of course knew what happened the next day, he knew why I had to hang up so quickly. It had all come out during my ramblings on the night of my attempted suicide. He's kinda like my guardian angel I guess...cus he saved my life. Well, Jessie knew and didn't pursue the situation any further. But I did find his concern for me very comforting. He kept asking me questions while we were at the registars office during recess, asking me if I was 'Ok'. It was kinda cute, if that were any more possible. He was cute to start off with, but when he was concerned...oh, resets the cuteness scale. It was adorable!
You're probably wondering why we're outside the registars office right? Well, after a whole morning of listening to Jessie, Andy, Terence, Jessica and Natalie bugging me about changing classes so I'd be with them even more often, I agreed to do something about it. I'd just change to a different time-table, so that I'd be with at least one of my friends in any of my classes. I'd did basically the same subjects as Jessie, accept for art class whereas he did graphics.
"Hey!" exclaimed Jessie.
"We basically do the same subjects!" he had the cutest, most adorable expression of surprise on his face, which once again resetted the cuteness scale and I fell in love with him all over again!
"Jesus! I know ya dork! You trying to give me a heart attack?" I giggled.
"Hehehe...whups! Here you go..." he motioned toward the door which had opened and I got up when told to by...what's her name. I never knew what her name was...but she was an elderly woman around 60 or so, but she was nice. She typed away at her computer, pulling up my time-table and changing all the classes like it was second nature to her. Man, she was a whiz! I sat there uncomfortable in these huge cushioned chairs, waiting for her to finish her work.
"Um Mrs..." I looked at her name tag quickly, "...Waugh, would it be possible for me to be in Jessie Mathews' classes? We do the same subjects accept for--"
"Art right?" she smiled. I nodded. "No problem, just don't tell everyone else that I have the power to do this kinda stuff...I don't fancy changing everyone's time-table just so it would suit them."
"Sure thing, no problem," I smiled back at her.
"You seem like a nice enough young man," she complimented me. She typed away and then, "There!" She then walked me outside where I was greeted by Jessie again, who stood up when he saw me almost as if in anticipation. He mouthed, "Well?" I gave him a look that told him to just wait as Mrs. Waugh went to pick up the print-out, before handing it to me. "Here you go," she said with a smile. Geez! I didn't realise there were nice people in this world. Had I been kept in the dark for that long? Jessie and I walked out of the room, where he quickly snatched my time-table sheet off me and began scanning it.
"YESS!! Dude, check it out! You're golden," he said. I looked at the time-table and he was right, the old lady had really done it. All the same classes!
"Oh good God! She did it!" I exclaimed.
"Man, watch out teachers...here we come!" he grinned at me and threw an arm over my shoulder, as we walked out of there. I was happy, and for the first time in my life I felt like there was hope! And that no matter how bad things got, there would always be another way out. I WILL survive, there's no way those assholes are going to get to me. I am a survivor.
So what do you all think? As usual ppl!
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