Date: Tue, 22 Feb 2011 17:19:59 -0500
From: Jordan Washington <watercaller@gmail.com>
Subject: Love Confused part 1

All the stuff about if you're not old enough, allowed, or offended by gay
stories, BEAT IT! Don't blame me if you get in trouble or upset. I warned
you.

For the most part this all true. Obviously I'm not sixteen anymore (as much
I wish I was), and some of the things are foggy. But as far as I'm
concerned, this is what happened.


Collin knows I'm bi (he's one of the first people I told), but he doesn't
know I like him. I always liked him as a friend, but on a trip for the bell
choir, he got sick. Most people can't deal with his sarcasm and jokes for
long, but I'm the same way, so I was supposed to be his "buddy" for the
trip, helping him get around, running to the trip nurse when he needed
something, all that. At first I wasn't exactly thrilled by this. I'm not
real close friends with anyone else who was on the trip, but I'd rather be
out at the pool or even deal with my own middle schoolers (high school kids
are assigned two middle school ones to take care of) instead of having to
sit around with a sick kid.

I should probably mention what I look like. I'm mixed, exactly half black
and half white, about 5'9", and in 10th grade. At the time of the trip I
was 15. I like to keep my hair long, and it's black enough to be an afro
when it grows out, if I comb it, otherwise it's really tight little
curls. My eyes are almond shaped, and I wear glasses, but thin wire rimmed
ones, not dorky ones. I'm not incredibly fashionable, but I do wear name
brands, and I make sure to match as much as possible. I like dark clothes,
but I'm not emo or anything. I'm not ripped, but I'm a swimmer, so I'm thin
and defined.

Collin, on the other hand, is almost my opposite. I would never call him
hot, but he's cute. He's got brown hair cut at his ears, brown eyes, but
lighter than mine, and a splash of freckles across his nose and cheeks. He
has a button nose and is about 4 inches shorter than me. He's not fat, but
he still has a little baby fat to work off, and he likes to wear bright
colors (like Clemson orange. Ugh.) He's two years younger than me (almost
exactly, our birthdays are six days apart), so he's in the eighth grade,
but he rings in the high school choir.

Whereas I'm quietly sarcastic, Collin lets everyone know his opinion the
minute it comes to him, which I appreciate, but others don't. He also has
no issues touching people. I'm fairly reserved in that respect, rarely
touching other people and disliking when I was touched suddenly or without
permission.

But back to the trip. I was stuck babysitting and wasn't pleased. When we
were at the restaurant for dinner, I had to half carry him to the
bathroom. Then I had to sit in his room later till he felt up to going down
to the exercise room for our bible group, except when I was going next door
every ten minutes to give updates to our "nurse" or get him water or some
other crap. The next day was mostly the same.

But somewhere in there, I stopped caring about the inconvenience to me. I
loved taking care of him, and the little pranks he pulled when I wasn't
watching, and our joking arguments. I worried about him when he had to sit
down suddenly during our long rehearsals or when he needed me to walk him
out of the room. And I actually began to feel sad about the trip coming
closer to the end.

We had gotten a charter bus for the trip since it was a six hour ride. I
was still supposed to sit near Collin, and he wanted to sit in the middle
area, between the adults at the front and the noisy kids in the back. I sat
next to him rather than across the aisle, but not through any conscious
decision I just did. Our friends were right behind us, and we joked for a
while before we slept. I woke up before the others (vivid, but not wholly
unpleasant dreams often disturbed my sleep). It took a moment for my still
sleep-fogged brain to realize Collin had shifted in his sleep and was
pressed fairly close to me, his head on my shoulder. I flinched, and he
muttered something and moved. I wasn't really upset by the contact (I knew
I was bi even if no one else did), but I hadn't really looked at Colin as
anything more than a friend and nuisance. But sleeping, he didn't look like
either. He looked like a sweet kid, and I felt an urge to hold him.

I knew he wouldn't be pleased by that, or that he had fallen asleep on my
shoulder, so I slowly pushed him away till he was sitting on his own and
slowly fell back to sleep.

We all woke up again about an hour from home, and we used someone's
portable speakers to play "Guess the Song" with people's iPods. I had mine,
but it mysteriously disappeared during this game. I get tired of people
making fun of the music I like. If I like an old song, or one by an artist
most people don't like, or a "girly" one, I'm not gonna stop listening to
it just because of that. that would be stupid. But I didn't want to deal
with that just then.  However Collin was perfectly willing to share and it
turns out we like a lot of the same music. He blushed a little when the
others laughed at him for it, which was very cute now that I noticed, but
no one was serious about it, and we all sang along.  When we finally got
back to church at almost ten, we were exhausted, but we still had to put
our bell cases and tables away. Hauling them up stairs and into elevators
didn't take long with all twenty or so of us helping and we were left with
a little time till our parents arrived (we actually got back early).
Collin was messing around like usual, and like I said he has no issues with
touch. He'd casually drape an arm around my shoulder, something he'd done
often when he was sick for support, but was now just for the heck of
it. Or, in the joking manner of straight guys, he'd act gay and bend over
while I was walking and make me run into him. I don't blush. I just don't,
and even if I did, it'd look stupid with my skin tone. But I could feel
heat rush into my face whenever we came in contact, especially in the
second instance. I spent a good part of the half hour we waited trying to
hide the other part of my body blood was rushing to.

And then we went on. I saw him once a week like usual, with very little
time together, mostly joking a bit between songs and after rehearsal. But
it was enough for that little nagging feeling of affection to bloom. I was
crushing on a kid two years younger than me, and I was crushing hard.  It
stayed the same way for several months. The New Year passed and I finally
built up the nerve to tell some of my friends about me being bi. They were
great about it, but it did have some slightly disappointing results.

It wasn't like I expected Collin to just switch sides when I came out, but
he was shocked for a bit. He didn't really mind, but he hadn't expected
it. And of course, now all the touching he had done was seen in a whole
different light. He stopped getting so close. I had expected this, but I
still wasn't pleased.

A couple weeks later it was my birthday, and I got my license and a new car
the same day. My (divorced) parents were always a bit strapped for cash,
but the chipped in together to buy me a new car. My friends were thrilled
to finally have a ride, and I was thrilled just to have a car.  One
Saturday, I was out with my friend Chandler and some of her friends. I
didn't know all of them, but we were all at least acquaintances. After we
had gone circled the mall three times and seen a movie, we decided to go
home. We all piled in (my car seats seven, but we squeezed in nine) and the
girls in the group were loudly singing a song on the radio while the guys
feigned horror and pain. The noise didn't drop at all when I dropped people
off. They just made more noise to make up for it.

Finally there was one person left, and it was quiet. Taylor was sitting
quietly in the far back seat. When we were younger, I was in Boy Scouts
with him, but I dropped out. We hadn't really talked much since then, and
so the car was kind of awkwardly silent.  I didn't know the way to Taylor's
house and so he called out directions every once and a while. After five
minutes of this. I tried to start a conversation.  "So...who's still in
Scouts?"

He perked up a bit. Taylor may have been a little clumsy and weird, but
when it came to Scouts he was the master. He could light a fire in the
rain, tie a knot that would hold a bull, and carve a perfect likeness of
something in ten minutes. Everyone liked him there, so he was comfortable
talking about it. "Jack still comes when he can, but he has football
workouts, so he doesn't always show up. Jake's there." He rolled his
eyes. Jake was the only one he didn't get along with. They just
automatically disliked each other.

"I take it you haven't forgiving him for stapling your tent shut?"

"No, and it's even worse since he started going to our school. He's in two
of my classes, and he's an ass in both of them."  I could understand
that. Jake was a good guy, if a bit overenthusiastic, but he could get
nasty when he didn't like you. It was funny when you weren't the target,
but hell when you were. "Anyone else?"

"Jackson Nevarra's still there, but Jordan graduated, so he's gone." As
always, I was confused when he referred to the other Jordan, but I got it
in a minute. "Dean still isn't back, but I saw him the other day. He like
ran up and hugged me. He's harder than I remember."

I gave him an amused look in the mirror. He blushed. "Not that
way. That...didn't happen. No, I just meant in general, like his muscles
and stuff."

"I know what you meant, but it's still fun to mess with you." I grinned and
he gave me a small smile in return.

"Anyway, yeah. That's about it that you would remember I think." With
nothing else to say on that, he got quiet again.

It didn't really matter at that point, because we pulled up in front of his
house. It was about 8:30, and I was a little surprised to see no
lights. "Isn't your mom home?"

Taylor blushed again and muttered something. He tried to get out of the
car, but I stubbornly locked the door and said "Repeat that please."  He
sighed. "She's not here. She's been stuck at the hospital for three
days. She hasn't been able to get a shift off, so she's just been sleeping
in the break lounge. She calls every day, though."

"She hasn't been home for three days?"

"It's fine."

"What do you eat?"

"Whatever's in the pantry."

I shook my head in disbelief. "Ok, that's enough of that. You need a real
meal."

He laughed. "And I suppose you're gonna make me one?"

"Yes."

He gave me a surprised look. "You don't need to do that. I'm fine."

I didn't give him a choice. I parked the car and snatched his key out of
his hand. I walked up to the door with Taylor following along protesting
that he was fine.

I turned around and put my hands on his shoulders. "Look, I'm cooking you
something. I refuse to leave until you eat some real food."  He sighed and
gave up. I opened the door and we went inside.

*

A half hour later, I had fixed chicken orzo florentine. As fancy as it
might sound, it's just rice-like pasta mixed with chicken and spinach. I'm
no gourmet chef, but I'm a damn good cook. I dumped some into two bowls,
grabbed forks and walked to the living room. Taylor was watching a movie
(sci-fi, or superhero, I don't remember). I handed him a bowl and he
accepted gratefully. He shovel forkful after forkful into his mouth. As
much as he had protested, it was obvious he was half-starved for a hot
meal. I grinned and began to eat too.  About ten minutes later, Taylor went
into the kitchen for seconds, and I closed my eyes. After a week of school,
then work, and a night out, I was tired and uninterested in the television.

I opened my eyes and they went to the clock. It was ten o'clock. I should
have been upset, but I was too tired. Taylor was next to me, watching the
opening sequence of a new show. He looked over, a half smile on his
face. "You fell asleep.  You should probably head home."  I groaned and
dragged myself up. Digging my keys out of my pocket, I headed for the door,
stifling a yawn. Taylor followed, and as I opened the door and walked out,
he said "Thanks for dinner."

I turned and smiled. "No problem. And if you ever need it again, just ask."
I said, only half kidding.

"Sure."

We stood there for a moment, suddenly awkward. Then he leaned in and kissed
me. I was a bit stunned, but it only took a second for me to respond. We
made out heavily, not caring if the neighbors saw.

And then he pulled back rapidly. The door shut, the lock clicked, and I was
left blinking and gaping like an idiot.

After a couple seconds, I recovered. I knock on the door, not loudly, but
insistently. It took some time, but the lock clicked again, and the door
opened slowly. Taylor didn't look up, he just stood there. I folded my
arms, waiting.

"I...shouldn't have done that. I'm sorry. I know you're straight."

"Actually, I'm not. But that's not the point. Why'd you shut the door in my
face?"

He stared at me. "You're not?!" he said incredulously.

"Yeah, I'm bi. And again, that's not the point. You can't just make out
with me and then leave me standing on the porch. It's just rude."

"How come you always acted straight?"

I sighed. "You're not gonna let this go, are you? Fine. I acted straight
because I really wanted to be. And actually, I've been out for almost a
month. It's even on Facebook. Why'd you shut the door?"

He gaped at me, then threw himself onto me again. His tongue snaked into my
mouth and we kissed. We kind of fell backwards into the house and over the
arm of the couch so I was lying on type of him.

We kissed on and on. Remember how I said I'm a swimmer? I can hold my
breath for a long time.

He pulled back, gasping. I smiled and said "I guess the question can wait."
He grinned and pulled his fingers free from my hair. He reached down
between us and undid my belt.

I pulled back sharply. That was a bit much, I thought. I've been with a
girl before. One of my best friends from when I was little and lived in
Michigan was good looking and often single, so whenever, I was up there on
school breaks, we'd go to her house (or the school down the street, or the
mall changing rooms. We're pretty quiet:)). But I'd never been with a guy,
and I didn't even know if I wanted to be. I found guys more attractive than
girls, and I'd rather watch guys get it on the than a guy and a girl, but I
didn't know if I wanted to do it. I didn't even know if I wanted to be on
top or not!  His smile faded and he lay back. "Sorry."

"No, it's just...I...haven't done this before, a least not with a guy. And
we don't have a rubber. Not that I think you have anything! But you
might. And I-" He tried to push out from under me. I stopped him. I looked
at him hard, taking in his blue eyes, his blond hair. Then I kissed him
more gently than we had the first two times, simply pressing my lips
against his. I pulled back, and undid my pants myself before pulling off my
shirt to stand naked before him.  He hungrily drank in the sight. He
reached out a hand to run it over my abs, trailing downwards. I didn't have
chest hair, and had only the barest beginnings of a happy trail, but I have
plenty of hair around my dick. As his hand ran over it and onto my
semi-hard cock, a shiver ran through my body and it jumped up, hardening in
a second.

Taylor half fell off the couch. He kneeled in front of me and continued
stroking away. He move in and gently mouthed around the base before running
his tongue all the up to the head. I gasped a little. He licked around the
head a bit more before putting it in his mouth. His tongue wrapped around
it like a snake, then pulled back rapidly. This time I gasped loudly. My
friend up north hadn't done that. I pulled him off and sat on the couch so
I wouldn't fall over. He moved right back in and repeated the tongue twist
before bobbing up and down. I moaned and wrapped my fingers in his silky
blond hair and hump into his mouth faster and faster.

Just as I was about to bust, he pulled back and yanked off his own
clothes. I tried to take in the view. He had a smaller bush then I did, and
his raging hard-on was smaller than my own 7 incher. But before I could
really check out the details, he straddled me, our cocks standing between
us.  He spat on his hand and lubed his dick up before grabbing both and
jerking both off. Then he leaned forward and kissed me hard. I returned it
with just as much energy.

I've never been good at holding back when I kiss. I'll leak all over the
place after a quick make out session. But surprisingly, I was able to hold
back this once, lost in the bliss of the moment. But when he started to
shoot and was moaning into my mouth, the dam broke. Cum gushed out from
both of us, but I shot more than half a dozen times and it flew up to land
on his chest.

Taylor pulled back, gasping and looking exhausted but pleased. He gave me a
tired smile. I couldn't help but smile back and laugh. The smile changed to
a look of confusion. "What's funny?"

"Most people go out for dinner and a movie before they do this. Guess we're
just too lazy."

He grinned. "Then I have no issue with being lazy."

We kissed again, and after I called my mom to let her know I was staying
the night at a friend's and he called his to make sure she wasn't coming
home tonight, we took a shower, mostly holding each other and enjoying this
new experience. Then we lay down together on the couch, still unclothed,
and fell asleep.