Date: Mon, 11 Dec 2000 15:08:54 +0100 From: a a Subject: Love is worth all the risks 7 LEGAL STUFF This story is a work of fiction involving teenage boys. All The usual rules apply. If you shouldn't be reading this now then don't continue on! If you do, don't get caught! This story is copyright by (c)vhere who retains all rights. If you want to use it, in any way, send me a mail, I'm sure we will find an agreement. ABOUT THE STORY I ask for your leniency because I have mitigating circumstances: 1- This is my first attempt to write a story. 2- I am French, so my English is far from perfect (if you mail me you will understand what I mean in my answer!) So try to be kind and positive in your criticisms!! Send them to vhere@hotmail.com SPECIAL THANKS It's my pleasure to thank Christian who helped me so much in the writing of the story. Without him and his talented bilingualism "Love is worth all the risks" should have remained a project for a long time. He has been a scrupulous proofreader and a very helpful teacher. I don't know how to pay him back all the time he spent on my work!! I owe him my first publication. I'll never forget it. WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING Don't forget it's only a story and not real life, so, IN YOUR LIFE ALWAYS PRACTICE SAFE SEXE And now the show can go on! CHAPTER 7: The price of silence. He was almost right. A few minutes later he was in my arms, giving me the first kiss of the night. The first of my life. It's always the first time when Taylor kisses me. He is so good at it, so smooth, so soft, and at the same time so hot and so strong. I could spend hours just being kissed by him, it's like he is absorbing me, wrapping me in his soul. He closes the world, he takes me from the world and he gives me the universe. He captures me, but being captured by him makes me free. We had a marvelous night and the weekend went on very well. Taylor's mother came for dinner on Saturday night and we all had a pretty good time. The connection was almost instantaneous between Martha and my parents, especially with my mother. On Monday morning I just met Taylor at school, not at his house: first decision to look more distant in public. It was hard, very unpleasant, but we had to do it to protect ourselves. As the day was running, I almost forgot my fears and enjoyed being with my friends at school and of course with Taylor. On my way out I was joking with Ted, Brian and Cathy when somebody came behind me and whispered in my ear: "If they knew, I don't think they would have so much fun, except if your boyfriend is one of them!" I stumbled and almost fell. At the last second Brian caught my arm preventing me from hitting the ground. "What did he say to make you jump that way?" "Oh it's..." "Just a private joke between Matt and me, as old friends like us always share!" "I didn't know you were old friend with Matt!" said Cathy looking at us weirdly. "There are so many things you don't know!" replied Robert. Then he turned to me an added: "Matt, I have been looking for you all day long because I have a real problem. I need to work on the saga "The Lord of the Rings" from Tolkien for the end of the semester and I don't have the books. I know that you have the complete collection so I thought you could lend it to me." "I wouldn't mind if it was not a very special edition my parents gave me for my birthday last year! It's very precious to me!" "I can lent you the one I have." Said Cathy. "No thanks. I would prefer the one of Matt! I have already seen it and it has very good illustrations, it would be much more pleasant to work with, and I am sure he doesn't mind lent it to his friend!" he added, looking me straight in the eyes, not smiling any more. I remained silent a few seconds. I cared a lot about those books and I knew that if I gave up, for the second time in three days, I was getting caught in a very bad system. But what could I do? Was it worth to risk my life and my love for a few books? "I'll bring them to you tomorrow morning." "Thanks Matt! I knew I wouldn't be disappointed asking you. See you tomorrow!" He left and I saw him 30 seconds later riding away on my bike. "What a jerk! Why did you lent him those books Matt? You hardly know him!" Said Cathy. "I know him quite well and he is not such a bad guy. A little weird sometimes and capricious but not so bad. And then, books are just books and if that pleases him..." "You are too nice Matt!" "What books are you speaking about?" asked Taylor as he joined us. "A beautiful collection of "The Lord of the Rings" he has just lent to Robert I don't know why!" "You did! Really??" "Yes I did and the topic is closed! They are mine and I do what I want with my stuff! Is that clear?" I said with more anger in my voice I would have wanted to show and I went home without turning over. I was in a very mixed mood made of anger, depression and sadness. I was trapped, I couldn't find a way to escape the power Robert had on me. I tried to hope he would stop, but deeply I knew he would go on as long as he could. And all of that was my fault, only mine. I was almost at home when I felt a hand on my shoulder. It was Taylor's. "I have been following you for ten minutes and I didn't know what to say. I am so sorry! I don't know how to help. I can't understand somebody being such a bastard. How can he do this to you who is so friendly to everybody?" "Excuse me to have dropped you like I did. It was not fair, but I am so irritated by the situation! More than irritated, I am so exasperated, as to become violent, because I can't see a way out and I wonder where it will lead me? But please, just now let's forget it and come with me to give me the kisses I need. I just want to be with you and to cuddle. Then we'll do our home work and let that shit away. Tomorrow is an other day." "I agree with all... Especially the cuddling part!" As soon as we were in my room he pushed me on the bed and laid down on me. "Let me take care of you! Let me makes you relax" he whispered. I closed my eyes and he began to kiss me all over my face. His kisses were light and quick, very refreshing, a light breeze of love. He pulled my T-shirt off my waistband and inserted his hand, sliding on my stomach, along my ribs, looking for my nipples. His caresses were as light as his kisses. He was doing a great job relaxing me. All the shit of the day was behind, so far away. It was just Taylor and me. The world can look horrible sometimes, but it can't be really horrible because Taylor belongs to it. I knew deeply inside me that I could confront any situation thanks to the strength his love was giving to me. He removed my trousers and my boxers in one quick move. Kisses and caresses were now on my feet. He made his way slowly up to my groin, forgetting no part of my calves, my knees or my thighs. There was no hurry, no rush in his moves. I was totally relaxed apart from what you know which was more and more tensed. Carbon Kevlar or steel would have seemed flexible compared to it. When he began to lick my balls I moaned softly. He took one in his mouth then both of them, that was so hot ! His hands spread my knees and he licked under my balls, the very low part of my dick, my groin and the inner part of my buttocks. His tongue touched my hole for the first time. It was an electric shock! In a thousandth of second I was no longer relaxed but as tense as the strings of a piano. All my muscles were mobilized by a wave of pleasure. His lips between my cheeks were nibbling me as his tongue went inside. I wanted that invasion to last for ever, but as soon as his hand went on my dick I erupted. The first jet went up to the wall behind my head and the second right on my face. Taylor laid along me and he laped slowly the cum from my nose. "I love you Matt, I love you so much it frightened me! I don't know what I could do, how I could live without you?" "You'll not have to Taylor! I'll always stay with you. You would have to kill me to get rid of me. I love you Taylor, I'll never thank you enough for being who you are and for choosing to be mine. I love you." The next thing I remember is waking up with a paper in my hand: 'you were so beautiful and so peaceful I couldn't wake you up. I have to go. I'll call you tonight. I love you.' The last three words were in big red letters in the middle of a green heart. The next day I gave my "Lord of the Rings" to Robert, asking him to take care of them. He didn't answer and went away. I didn't see him anymore until Wednesday afternoon. Just before leaving school he called me and began to speak about some problems he had about a present he had to do... I told him to make the story short so he asked me 30 dollars! I was petrified, the few doubts I still had were definitively erased. He was blackmailing me. I gave him the money knowing it was a mistake. I understood that yielding to his requests would only make them more and more unbearable. But I didn't know what to do. I throw him the money and I fled. I didn't tell it to Taylor, I didn't want to bother him. On Thursday afternoon, around four, Robert called me at home. It was the first time. He said he needed to see me as soon as possible and said I would have to be at his home before half past four. I asked what for but he didn't answer. Taylor and me had made plans to meet at his home at five so I had to call him to delay until six. I told him I had something to do for my father. The previous day I had hidden something to him, this time I was lying to him. I hated to do that, I hated to lie to him but I thought I had no choice, it was the best to protect him. When I arrived at Robert's home, he led me directly to his room and closed the door. "What do you want this time? An other book, some CD's, my money, a new ring for the bike? What do you want? Tell it quickly cause I have no time!" "Calm down Matt! Don't show so much anger to your friend!" "You are not my friend and I am not yours! I am just someone you use! So stop to take the mickey out of me!!" "Oh very well! You know that Clara is my girlfriend?" "Lucky girl!" "I think so. We were together at the beginning of the afternoon and had a great making out session." "Congratulations!" "But she had to go pretty early and she let me very aroused so I thought you could help me." Saying that he lowered the belt of his trouser and showed me his half hard dick. Firstly I was dumb then I mumbled. "What do you mean, help you???" "I thought you were brighter Matt! You are a faggot so you like dicks! Mine needs to be sucked so I thought to call you, for your pleasure and my relief OK?" I stared at him in disbelief. I was so taken aback by his request that I was unable to have a coherent thought. "Come on Matt! If you have no time hurry up, you will enjoy it as much as I will, I am sure." My anger was coming back, increasing second after second, turning into fury. When I spoke I could hardly control myself, but I had to or I could have killed him. "You are a bastard, the worst bastard, the ugliest I ever met! If you need some relief I think you will have to ask your hand for that and for a long time because you are so ugly outside and inside, that neither boy nor girl will be mad enough to care for you! Look at me Robert! Look at me very well because it's the last time you see me with you. I am a faggot, that's right but YOU are the pervert. Now you can do what you want, I don't care. I'll not let you blackmailing me any more. I get back my books." I took them on his desk, I took also his wallet. "I get back also my 30 bucks!" He began to stand up. "Don't move Robert! If you do one more move I'll beat the shit out of you. I am not violent but you have made me so furious I am not sure I could keep control!" He sat down. I counted my 30 bucks slowly and threw the wallet to his feet. "Now I'm leaving with my bike and I advise you against moving or saying a word, I hope it's clear!!" He understood how dangerous it could have been to react because he was blank and obviously afraid. I went out of his room and his house without hearing him. When I came home, fifteen minutes later, I went to my room. I was still shivering from the fury state I was in. My mother called me. "Matt, phone call for you!" I took the receiver and I heard Robert's voice. "Matt here is Robert! You have been really unthinking this afternoon! But, as I am a good friend, I'll give you some time, until tomorrow at twelve to change your mind and advise me. If you don't, I'll not be able to keep the heavy secret I have for myself any longer. Do you..." I hung up on him without a word. I had lost. I was lost. What could I do ? Become Robert's bitch? No way ! I would prefer to kill myself. Kill myself? Would this be a good idea? No, no, no! I was scared, scared to death as one says, but not enough to die really. I could kill him. It's strange how weird ideas may cross your mind sometimes. Me, thinking about killing myself or somebody else, almost naturally!! I had no way out, I was trapped. I had no choice. I knew at that very moment that the worst would be to lose my self-respect, and I would lose it more by giving him the blow job he wanted than by being known for what I was: a faggot! I think I sat down on my bed for more than an hour, without moving, just sunk into my fears when the phone rang for the second time. It was Taylor. "What the fuck are you doing? I have been waiting for you for an hour! Why are you still at home?" I remained silent. "Hey Matt, did you hear me? Do you feel good?" He asked with concern. "No, not really!" "Why?" "I had to see Robert!" "Shit, shit, shit! How long is this bastard going to spoil our life?" "I think he is going to spoil it definitively tomorrow, he will out me!" "What happened?" "I refused his last request!" "What was it?" "He wanted me to give him a... Blow job... I'll never accept to become his sex toy, whatever the consequences will be. I am sure he will out me because he gave me until twelve noon tomorrow to think and I'll not change my mind. "It'll be hell. We'll be hated by the whole school. I can't face it, I'll not be able to bear it, it's not fair!" He was crying, almost hysteric. "Calm down Taylor, please calm down!" "Easy for you to say!" He shouted at me. "You have been here for ever and you have so much friends, you'll always be protected!" "Taylor, you don't have to face it! You are not involved in that shit! He doesn't know you and nobody will know you, we just have to be more careful!" "Yes, I am sorry! I can't help you to deal with the situation! I am not strong enough. Right now I am on the verge of panic. All is so wonderful since I have been here: you, my family, the new friends, even the school. Now I think I don't deserve you because I can't be any help." He was sobbing. "I understand Taylor! I understand how you feel and I'll never blame you! All that shit is due to my stupidity! It's all my fault. Perhaps it would be better for you that we don't see each other for a few days." I tried to say that as normally as possible but it was ripping my heart. I was waiting for a rejection which didn't came. "Perhaps we will speak more about it later, don't you think so?" "Yes." "So bye Taylor!" "Yes bye Matt!" For the first time he had hung the phone back without saying I love you. I was unhappy, the most unhappy I had ever been. I didn't know it was possible to be so unhappy. How could he do this to me, it was worse than killing me. I fell on my bed and I cried. The next day I felt exhausted when I woke up. I had a quick breakfast and went to school alone. I was not in a mood to chat and everybody seemed to notice it so I was left to my loneliness. I don't think it was any good for me. I kept churning out all my black ideas all morning long. It just increased my fears and my breakdown. Each time my eyes crossed those of Taylor I saw sorrow, fear and sadness. Those contacts were very rare. We avoided each other looks knowing it would only make things worse than they were. During the morning I saw Robert, twenty yards from me. He put on one of his ironic smile and came towards me. I stared at him and I think he saw the hate I was feeling. He hesitated one second and resumed walking to me. "Hey Matt!" I didn't say a word. "Are you ready for our little afternoon love session?" ... "Oh! I see you are so moved and aroused by the idea than you can't say a word!" That time it was too much. For the first time in my life, I let anger overwhelm me. I punched him right in the jaw. He fell on his back and stared at me in disbelief as did the few ones who saw the scene. I decided to call it a day. I skipped the last two classes and went home. I was not very proud of myself and hardly relieved. That way of acting: it was not me. How powerful was that bloody Robert? Firstly he has ruined my love life, secondly he was on the point of destroying my social life and thirdly he was altering my behavior??? 'You have to be stronger!!' I told to myself. 'Stronger than that. He may destroy your love and social life but he can't change who you are! Be yourself! If you become violent that only proves he is still leading you! When you hit him to the floor, HE was the real winner because HE was driving you!!' Arrived home my decision was made. I had to keep control and make my own choices. I hated violence so I was not going to become violent, unless I had to defend myself from direct physical attacks. All weekend long I used homework as a derivative to my concerns. I worked very hard to prepare the oral report I had to do on Monday morning. Do you remember? "The struggle for liberty up to the Independence Day". If I was to become the first fag of our high school on Monday, I wanted to be known as a clever fag!!! My parents and Lucia seemed puzzled by my attitude and the absence of Taylor. What a contrast with the previous weeks when we were inseparable, especially during the weekends. And for the last three days, neither a sign nor a phone call. Sunday, At the end of the afternoon, Lucia knocked at my door and went in. She had a look of concern on her face. "May we have a chat Matt? There are two things I would like to speak with you, one of it really scares me!" "Yes Lucia, go on, what are you scared so much about?" "It's difficult to say !" "Just spill it Lucia please, I still have some work to do." "OK, this is a rumor I have heard from Cathy. A rumor that says that you are gay and..." "And what!!" "Hum... And having sexual activities in the toilets of the cinema!!" I went blank. "So it has begun." "It has begun? You were expecting it??" "Yes I was... It's all from Robert." "Robert, why is he involved?" "To make a story short, Robert saw Taylor and I at the theatre last week, involved in activities we should have reserved for home. For all the week he blackmailed me and I gave in until Thursday when he asked me to give him a blow job. I refused and now he is carrying out his threat to out me. Before the end of the week I'll be known for the fag of the school!!!!" "Oh shit! I can't believe Robert did that to you. I didn't like him a lot but I never thought he would be so shitty. What will you do? You could deny the whole thing. Everybody will believe you more than Robert!" "I have been thinking about it but I am too bad a liar for that and furthermore, deny it would be disown myself or deny the love I have for Taylor. I can't do that. I would have preferred to stay in the closet, not because I am ashamed but because I don't like publicity. It scares me a lot but I'll face the situation. I don't know if I am ready but I'll do as if I am." "And Taylor? That was the second thing I wanted to ask you. We didn't saw him this weekend. What does he say about that shit?" "He is scared to death, much more than I am. He is new around here and he is not ready to come out, not at all. So we decided to make some distance between us to avoid him to be spattered by the..." "The bastard! I can't believe it! At the moment you need him the most he dumps you, just to protect his pretty ass..." "Never call him again a bastard in front of me!" I replied angrily. "I'll not bear it, even from you Lucia. And yes he is afraid, I can understand him. I am afraid too. Yes he wants to be protected and I want to protect him. All is my fault. I am the one who put him into this in the theater, he didn't want at first and I pushed him. He has not to pay for my faults. I'll try my best to protect him. I'll never do a thing to hurt him." "Do you think he still loves you?" "I think... I hope he does... I think he is confused because of his fear. I'll have to wait a few weeks until things calm down. I hope he'll come back then... I know I can't stop loving him." And I began to cry "I am scared Lucia! I am scared to death. I don't know if I'll be strong enough. I feel like I am going to a new place, hostile, where I know nobody. I am unable to predict who will stand by my side, who will support me and who will aggress me." "You know I'll be there for you." "Thanks Lucia, I knew it and I am very grateful for that. I would prefer to stop talking about that, do you mind?" "Of course not!" "I just need some more time to finish my job for tomorrow. Then I'll try to sleep." "OK, see you tomorrow bro." One more time I buried myself in my work to avoid my worries, to forget all that shit. I just had a quick sandwich and I worked until passed midnight, so I would be exhausted enough to sleep at the first contact with my pillow. It didn't work very well and I had an awful night. ------------------------------- All the authors like the feed-back, so I do!!! Don't forget it. You can even address your comments and criticisms in French!! vhere@hotmail.com