Date: Wed, 5 May 2010 07:44:15 -0700 (PDT)
From: Nan Valenzuela <phoenixlight@ymail.com>
Subject: Loving You 4

Disclaimer: Read the first two chapters for the disclaimer. This story is
completely mine, and if relates to anything in real life it is purely
coincidental. This is all fictional and created from my weird mind. By the
way, don't you love the originality of the chapter names I give them?
Haha....

Loving You
Hmm...

"Hi," I was sitting on the floor of the classroom on my first day of
kindergarten when a boy came over and started talking to me. "My names
Christopher, what's yours?" He reached out his little hand and I took it.

"Mine is Nathan, but Mommy and Daddy call me Nate," We shook hands and he
sat next to me.

"You're pretty; can I be your boyfriend?" Christopher looked closely at me
and I blushed. What did he just ask? I was confused since I had never heard
of that word.

"What's that?" I looked at his face.

"It means that you are mine. So can I be your boyfriend?" After doing a
little thinking I let him be my boyfriend. He gave me his cookies and he
slept next to me at nap time. I smiled I was making a friend. "I'll protect
you from everyone!" He told me after class after getting a big boy off me.

"Promise?" I asked.

He took out his pinky finger and I lifted mine, "Promise." We wrapped them
around each other and smiled. He gave me a hug and ran off to find his
mommy.

Greg picked me up from school that day and I told him everything about my
day. When I told him I had a boyfriend he laughed and picked me up. "Well
of course you would get a boyfriend on the first day. You're so cute and
adorable." I laughed as he tossed me into the air. I really did love my
brother a lot, even when we fought.

I rustled in my bed and hugged the pillow closer drifting into deeper
sleep.

Middle school was pretty boring at times, I had countless friends and I
never felt lonely. Class was annoying at times, basically I didn't pay
attention and teachers were starting to get frustrated with me. My head was
always in the clouds, what could I say? Hormones were starting to kick in
and I was really fascinated by members of my own sex. Chris and the rest of
the guys were talking about girls and I wasn't. Eventually I figured out I
was gay when the guys started talking about a potential 'fag'.

Halfway through the first year of middle school my friends started dating,
but I didn't. I didn't date because I didn't wanna lie to myself and date a
girl. No one knew my secret, and I wanted it to stay that way. Just the
thought of someone being gay sent Chris and the rest of my friends on a
tirade, Trash talking the kid behind his back and picking on him. I always
left before it happened, but I felt I was doing it too because I was
friends with them.

Eventually, I started going to the field for lunch to get away from their
gay bashing. A few people waved and said hi to me, and I did the same. I
was starting to feel alone, I had many friends but none of them really knew
me. Out of nowhere, a girl with glasses and brown hair started walking
toward me. She was the new girl in school, and she was kind of a nerd. Not
that I actually knew it, I heard it from Chris. She was antisocial and,
sometimes, a bitch, at least from what he heard.

"Hey are you okay?" She looked down at me, and I noticed that her hair was
like a big puffball. I nodded, not looking at her. She was about my size. I
smiled, finally someone my height. The guys were going through growth
spurts. "You don't seem like it." She sat next to me and poked my arm.

"Just have some problems going throughout my head." She nodded and looked
at me closely.

"You are an uke, huh?" She took out a book from her backpack read a little
bit and looked at me. "Yeah, definitely."

Uke? I had heard that somewhere before. "What does that mean?"

She giggled and showed me the contents of the book. I blushed. It was a gay
book. Not only that, but it had guys doing things to each other. "I'm
right, aren't I?"

I started denying if, but after a while of lying, I started crying. I was
tired of lying to myself, I admitted I was gay. She held me as I cried
telling me it was alright. She confirmed that she was Mary and after that
day we started hanging around more. I felt safe with her and she was the
only person who knew the real me. Not just popular Nate who has friends who
practically owned the school.

I started noticing that my friends weren't really friends. They only liked
me because I had things that they didn't. Some were true friends, or so I
thought. Eventually rumors started flying around that I was dating Mary. We
denied it, of course, but after awhile we stopped arguing. It was
irritating and people were being stubborn.

Eventually, my brother found out on day when he overheard Mary and me
talking over boys. First I was scared shitless, Mary got in front of me
when he came over to me. When he pushed Mary to the side I expected a hit,
but I felt his arms around me. I didn't know I was crying and he was
telling me everything was fine. Rubbing my back and keeping me together,
Mary's smile was the last thing I remembered about that time.

I tried hugging the pillow closer to my body, but it didn't give me the
closeness I needed. Somewhere around this time I started sweating.

Next thing I knew, I was in the eighth grade, everyone knew I was gay, and
they avoided me like the plague. I tried to remember my seventh grade year,
but I couldn't. Chris, Mary, and I started hanging out together in the
field. I have no idea why I lost all my friends or how they knew I was
gay. I never asked, I couldn't, and there was a sinking feeling in my
stomach that told me I didn't want to remember.

The bond Chris and I had in our early life was broken. I knew that for a
fact. Each time he was near me I was scared, Chris was aware of that
also. He always looked at me sadly, and when our eyes locked, he looked
away. Mary was silent, when I asked her what was wrong she told me it was
best left forgotten. Occasionally I was beaten up and Dad was furious at
times, but I begged him not to do anything. Thankfully, he didn't.

My parents also knew I was gay, I didn't ask how they found out
either. When the subject was brought up they go silent and never looked at
me. Shame, I could tell. They were ashamed at me for being there son and
gay. My brother was weird for a while, distant, and then started being more
brotherly to me. More so when I he saw the marks I had on my skin.

He would hold me for hours. I made sure I never cried. Something inside me
made sure I didn't cry in front of anyone again. Occasionally, when I went
to find Chris and Mary I sometimes overheard them talking over a
promise... About it being broken by Chris. I frowned in confused. I always
stayed back and tried to overhear their conversation, but it was usually
over when I got there. It made me wonder what promise Chris broke.

Each time, my heartbeat went low when I heard his voice say he broke
it... One thing was for sure, I didn't feel close to Chris anymore and I
don't know why. I wish I did, that way I could fix it.

The rest of middle school went by uneventful. I was beaten up here and
there, but I never admitted I was. Dad was frustrated at me and signed me
up for Karate with a man named Sam. Each time I came home with bruises I
would say I hit myself thanks to my clumsiness. They never believed me, of
course, but thankfully they never pushed.

My brother was my defender from my parents. Telling them they had no right
teaming me in my condition. What condition I had, I wasn't aware of. It was
even stranger when I started going to therapy for my loss of memory. I
stopped going since it was doing no good, my mind wasn't letting anything
slip just feelings, anger, loneliness, sadness, betrayal, and loss.

Being who I was, I never let people figure out how I was and just gave them
a smile. My parent's relationship was strained at best. For the three years
I was in High School they rarely talked to each other when I was
around. You could cut the tension with a knife. My brother left after my
freshman year. He was with me the entire time as a freshman. He told me, as
a senior, it was his responsibility to protect me even more so since I was
his little brother.

The three years of high school were somewhat normal, I guess. I was teased
and beaten up occasionally, but it was nothing compared to middle
school. Mary and Chris were my only friends. Even after making their own
friends and sky rocketing into their popularity, they remained loyal to
me. Each year, I tried to break the friendship so I wouldn't hold them
back, but they wouldn't let me.

The third year was when I almost succeeded. The teasing and beatings where
severely lowered and I told Chris I didn't need his protection any
more. That was the first time I saw Chris cry. He pulled me to his chest
and cried on my shoulder. Telling me that I didn't know what I was talking
about. He kept mumbling to himself that he was not going to let that happen
again. I wasn't sure what he meant. He told me he loved me and kissed my
face.

Mary was there and she was strangely silent. She had become the Head
Cheerleader and was Chris's girlfriend. She was there listening to her
boyfriend proclaim love to me and she was silent, even when he was kissing
my face, not my lips. He told me he loved me far more than a friend and a
brother. I was silent and let him hold me. After that, I stopped trying to
break our friendship.

Mary started saying she loved me more than she could a brother. After
junior year, I was surprised to hear that my parents were going to get a
divorce. Mom moved into a friend's house, but this friend wasn't exactly a
friend. Dad kept his problems to himself. Eventually, I started becoming
his whole world. He kept saying it was going to be his atonement. "For
what?" I would always ask myself, but I never asked him.

I started crying when I realized I was still missing something
important. Sleep was not going to come again and I knew it. When I had this
dream, or rather this stream of memories, I could never go back to sleep. I
felt alone... hurt... and fragile. I let myself cry before I looked over to
the clock. It is five in the morning... not that bad compared to the other
times. I calmed myself as I closed my eyes, pushing everything to the dark
corners of my mind.

I helped myself as I stared at Rex. He was curled up into a ball at the end
of my bed. My hand lifted to my chest and felt the locket. Part of me
wanted to rip it from my neck and toss it to the wall, another wanted to
look at Mike's picture. Letting a few tears out of my eyes I slowly got up
and took some clothes and made my way to the shower.

It relaxed me and I started to feel my problems wash away from my mind. The
shower was an hour and a half, making sure I cleaned myself
completely. After the dream I felt dirty. I put on my shorts and my
shirt. For some reason I grabbed my middle school shorts, but I didn't
care. After brushing my hair, I took Rex to the backyard to do his
business.

"Mom, I'm okay, why can't you believe me?" I was making dad his breakfast,
but I didn't feel like eating right now. She was starting to frustrate me.

"Because I am your mother and I know when something is wrong with you
Nathan." Her voice was full of authority and I groaned.

"I'm just a little bit annoyed right now Mom. Just a weird dream is all..."
I rattled off as I flipped over the breakfast Panini I was making.

She was silent. "What kind of dream?"

"Some random things. So how are you mom?" I sidestepped the question.

"Fine..." She pushed like she wanted to ask something. Dad came in and gave
a loud grown. I put his breakfast on a plate and gave it to him. I kissed
his forehead and got a cup for juice. The coffee was still brewing. "I just
miss you."

I missed her also. "I'll visit you soon okay?" After getting dads coffee
ready I served it to him. I left dad alone so I could talk to mom in
private. It was more for his benefit than my own. We talked about how my
life was going and hers. It was pretty basic and after thirty minutes I
told her goodbye.

Dad was out of the kitchen and I could hear the shower running. Note to
self: remember to wash the clothes. I put my hair into a ponytail and
started cleaning. Dad was horrible at it. So, as a way to make it better
for us, I took over the household duties after mom left. It has been about
five months now, give or take, since she left.

Rex was chewing on a toy bone when Dad came down the stairs, casually
dressed. He sat down on the couch and scratched Rex's ear. After awhile he
turned on the game. I grabbed a beer and chips just in case he got hungry
or something. Laundry is my favorite cleaning duty. Putting in clothes and
pressing a button simple. All you had to remember is to use soap and when
it is time to switch.

I was sitting on the dryer, thinking over my dream, when the doorbell
rang. Something about my seventh grade year was keeping me from
remembering. A part of me told me to leave it in the past, but it had
something to do with my past. I wanted to know, to bad no one spoke of
it. Maybe it was for my own good. I shook my head. It was a dilemma.

"There's someone here for you...." Dad took a look at my shorts and his
smile disappeared. "I'll keep him entertained if you need to get ready."

Mike. It was the only person I was expecting today. Either that or Mary was
over but why would I need to get ready for her? Chris came over to my house
occasionally, but it was not frequent. I put my hair down and fixed it. I
didn't bother to change because I still had to do chores.

Mike and dad where talking over the game. Rex was on top of the sofa
getting attention from Mike's hand. "Can you not let him on the sofa? I
don't want him getting the idea of him sitting on the couch when he gets
big..." But that didn't mean he could not sleep in my bed. I liked
snuggling to something furry and warm.

Mike took a look at me and whistled. I blushed. My shorts were short, and I
meant really short, they didn't even reach my finger tips. But, they were
baggy so they didn't really constrict me. My shirt was small but not
tight. It was an old Pokemon shirt I got for my twelfth birthday. My body
didn't really change after all those years.

"Are you guys hungry?" Like I had to ask when dad was involved. I made
sandwiches for them but not myself since I still haven't gotten my appetite
back. Mike and dad were bonding over the game. I was sitting between them
and was kinda lost for most of the conversation. That was mainly because I
didn't understand most of the things coming out of their mouths, also
because Mike smelled so nice.

Around two o'clock I found myself pressed against Mike's chest. Dad and he
were still talking and dad wasn't even minding.

"So, what are your intentions with my little boy?" Dad asked out of
nowhere. I blushed at the mention of little boy. I was eighteen now, not
his little boy anymore.

Mike chuckled and I felt his whole body move. "Nothing bad I assure you..."
They talked about our relationship. I felt a little weird saying it in my
head like it was still not true. Dad was asking all the dad questions and
Mike was trying his best to answer them to the best of his capabilities.

Eventually they reached the subject of sex. I would have made a tomato
ashamed of itself. Thankfully the subject was dropped when I told them I
was not ready for that, they both burst out laughing when they saw my face.

"Well.... seeing as how you guys are bonding, why don't I give Rex a bath?"
I picked up my puppy and walked through the kitchens back door. Two arms
went around my neck and I was pulled up against a chest, after I put Rex on
the ground.

"I missed you..." Mike moved my hair and started kissing my neck, biting a
little bit. He moved his hands over my chest. "Do you have any idea what
you do to me?" I had a feeling. His hand went under my shirt and I felt in
on my stomach not going past that. Something hard was pressing against my
back, something big and really hard.

"I really should give Rex a bath..." I felt him kiss my neck and him
breathing in my scent. Something in my lower region was starting to wake
up.

He nipped my neck, "Yeah and I can help." That he did.

It was fun giving Rex a bath, albeit it was a long bath. Mike and I kept
splashing each other with water. Occasionally Mike would push me on the
ground and kiss my neck. Each time I pushed he let me go. I could tell that
he was holding himself back at times, which I was grateful for.

Eventually Rex was clean, and drying him off was fun. As soon we dried him,
Mike started drying me off. It was probably his excuse to touch me. It took
him fifteen minutes to dry me off, I was dry in the first five but he
wanted to make sure I was so I didn't catch a cold, perv.

When we got to the living room, we decided to pass the time and watch a
movie. Halfway through it, I found myself half leaning in on Mike. My head
was on his shoulder with his arm over my shoulder and playing with my
arm. His also had head on top of mine. It was pretty nice, and I completely
forgot about my dream. After the movie, we played a video game. It was one
of dads Army games, and after dying for the fifteenth time (damn aliens), I
decided to make dinner.

Dad left me a sticky note saying he would appreciate it if I could make
steak. I had nothing against steak, but it wasn't my favorite thing to
eat. After making the food and pushing Rex out of the way for the tenth
time, I started setting the table.

Dad was sharing information about his case, not the names but just the
general information. Apparently, he was close to having his case wrapped
up. The evidence against his employer was handled poorly and the guy had a
valid alibi. Eventually, the conversation went to sports again and I tuned
out. Hey, I don't like sports, what do you expect?

"It was fun today," Mike was going home and we were sitting down on the
front porch. "Would have been nice if we went out." He put his arm over my
shoulder when I shivered. "Maybe you should go back inside."

I nodded but I didn't move. "Just give me a minute," I felt relaxed when I
was around him. He was the only one, aside from my brother, who had that
effect on me. Feeling safe, warm, and wanted, I gave a contented sigh.

He said nothing, just played with my arm. "I have to go," He said, more to
himself than to me. We stood and he kissed me. He probed his tongue in my
mouth and I let him play with mine. He tasted wonderful. I got my courage
and pulled him closer trying to make him kiss me deeper. I got what I
wanted.

We stopped and kissed one more time. He had a stupid smirk on his
face. "Pick you up tomorrow, and remember the shirt." He winked and got in
his truck. I stayed out until he left. I stayed out there until I shivered
and decided to get back inside the house. Dad was passed out in front of
the TV on the couch; I woke him up and went to get ready for bed. Mary and
Angie called about the three way.

??? POV (Uh-oh, mysterious)

That no god son of a bitch. I punched my car and growled. No one was
supposed to touch him but me. I was supposed to get his kisses, his
touches, his affection. I calmed myself down. In time, I would make sure he
was eliminated. The prick had all the benefits and now he got him. The
bastard was flaunting it off, also.

It should have been me to.... I didn't even wanna think about it now. I
glared at him, squeezing the steering wheel making my knuckles white. Oh,
was he going to pay... I started the car when he disappeared.

First things first, I needed to get some help. Then I would start. I had
found something very interesting yesterday and he was going to redo it. I
can't wait. Then he would be a mine. I smiled. Just you wait....

Mary POV

Feeling bored today, I decided to go down through memory lane. Chris was
off with his dad for some football practice and Nate was sure to be with
Mike. I smiled; he was going to be happy. Then I frowned, why couldn't I
make him happy? Truly happy... I shook my head and took out the year
books. They were pretty dusty sitting all the way behind my closet.

I took out her sixth grade yearbook, the first one I ever got. I found my
picture and smiled. I sure was a wreck back then, I was a totally different
person on the outside now, but not the inside. Ironically, Nate was the one
who took out my inner beauty and showed me how pretty I was. Now, I had to
find a way to bring the old happy Nate back, the one with no fake smiles,
lies, or sadness.

I failed him once and I was sure not going to fail him again. Nate looked
just as cute before as he did now. His hair was shorter and his eyes still
had happiness. Chris looked better now than he did before, I laughed. He
had pimples and his voice was at an awkward stage. I reread the messages my
old friends left me. Nate's old friends...

I took out the eighth grade yearbook; unlike the sixth, it had barely any
writing. This time, my picture was better. My hair was tamed, glasses were
gone after the..., my wardrobe expanded tremendously. Nate's picture was
sad, he didn't even smile. His eyes seemed lost... Just like they were
now... Chris's picture was worse but it was just as sad. His face was
cleared, his voice had finally stayed low, and his eyes where sad. I closed
the book.

Maybe it was better to stay out of memory lane. But I knew if I couldn't
handle it then how could.... I shook my head. Freshman year yearbook had
more writing and she had more friends. Chris and I didn't change much, but
Nate's hair started growing longer. Sophomore year was better. I became a
cheerleader and made more friends and my body started to developed larger
assets. Chris had joined the football team and started getting
buffer. Nate, however, didn't see much of puberty. He kept complaining
about how I left his height range.

Junior year... My body has been the same since them, fully matured. I
became Head Cheerleader and started dating Chris. Chris got bigger since
then, more muscles. Muscles were a turn on for me, but he kept trying to
get bigger. Each time I asked why, he said 'he needs me to be
stronger'. Nate's cuteness level increased that year. People were starting
to look at him, some guys and girls. He was so inside his little bubble
that he didn't notice. We left middle school behind and most of the people,
but he was still fearful...

Each year, Nate tried to leave us and tell us he was ruining our
reputations because he was gay. Some bastard from the old school spread the
word. Thankfully not the other part... He cared so much about us that he
told us he hated us. Even though we knew he was lying, it hurt, bad. He was
still in so much pain and he didn't even know why. I didn't have the heart
to tell him, neither did Chris.

After Nate's little outburst of him hating us for pitying him Chris opened
up completely by declaring his love and finally admitting it to himself. I
already knew because I could see it in his eyes. I was inside Chris's heart
a little more than Nate, or I used to be. I wasn't so sure anymore now
since we don't talk about it. But, I wasn't jealous in the least.

He needed our love. Chris's love, my love... I started to feel water on my
eyes. Nate was special to both of us. So I didn't need to be jealous
because I was in love also. How could you not love him after you knew him?
If Chris left me for Nate I would gladly bow out. Hell, if I had a chance,
I would snag him. Well, probably not... he was like... no is my little
brother. I smiled and hugged myself.

Whatever fate had in store for us, we are family. If Chris and I broke up,
he would resume being my older brother. Nate would always stay the little
brother. Chris and I would fight for his affection. Hell, right now Chris
was trying to control his jealousy over Mike. It was sweet for him to bow
out and let Mike have a chance. I told him countless times the he had a
chance, but he wouldn't listen. He even was pissed yesterday about the
shirt. Boy could Chris hide his emotions... Boys are stupid. Gay or bi boys
are even stupider.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

In the beginning I probably gave you questions more than answers huh? If I
didn't, then I didn't do my job as a writer. Chris and Mary know something
about Nate that even he doesn't know about. Mike will get the role of
protective boyfriend next chapter. Angie is getting a little more into
development. Jake should be back in the picture next chapter. I bet you
wondering what happened to him. If not, how mean. I'm thinking on the sex
part.... Not sure to put it next chapter or the one after that... You are
probably trying to digest the new information about Chris. With this new
information you can probably see it coming. These two chapters seemed a
little small, but they're just reaching for the LONG ones... or short but
spaced out ones.

Anyway, comments? Questions (I will answer them to the best of my
capabilities, so don't be afraid to ask)? Rambles? Blah Blah Blah?
Suggestions?

JNV

Also for the time being I wouldn't mind taking request for stories you want
me to. Short ones, longs ones, just as long as you have some sort of format
for me to fallow. For me I like it when they don't switch positions. In bed
that is... Can't find myself to say it or write it lol... Anyway send it if
you want k? Bye!!! -Give all readers cookies of their favorite flavors-