The following is a work of fiction. The story may contain profanity and references to gay sex. Any relation to similar events or persons, fiction or real, is completely fortuitous. If such content offends you please leave now. The author retains all rights to the story. Do not copy or use without written authority from the author. Write Bobby at brokendreamboi@yahoo.com with your comments.

Mad World 11

"Can I have a soda?" Brian asked, moving for the refrigerator.

Collin went into the bathroom.

"Yeah, sure. You know you don't have to ask." With Collin being apart from us, I took the opportunity to chat with Brian. "I need a favor, dude. Collin is very nervous about being around you. Can you please try to get to know him quickly? He just wants to make a good impression on you."

"Um, I guess so. But if he doesn't really talk much getting to know him might be kind of hard."

"I know," I sighed. "Look, start playing your video games and ill order us some dinner soon, okay?"

"Sure thing,"

Collin came out of the bathroom with red eyes. I knew he wasn't in there actually using it for its intended purpose. We still hadn't spoken to each other since before I snapped at him in the truck. I don't know why I snapped, but there wasn't a good enough reason for it. He was simply curious about what I couldn't say.

"Let's talk in the bedroom," I said to him. He only nodded in response. We walked into the bedroom and I shut the door behind us. He sat on the edge of the bed and stared down at the ground. "I'm . . . I'm sorry, Collin. I don't know why I yelled at you. There's no excuse even decent enough."

"It's okay,"

"No, it's not okay. I've never snapped like that before and damn it, it won't happen again. Just, please forgive me because hurting you is the last thing I'd ever want to do."

Even with his head down I could see the grin. "Apology accepted . . . again."

I laughed lightly. "Great,"

"Can I ask you something?"

"Shoot,"

"What exactly were you going to tell me?"

Sitting next to him, I thought about how I could avoid saying the word beautiful. Anything other than that word, though, would be a lie and that's something that I'm definitely against. It is just a word, a powerful word at that. Saying it in my head and saying it aloud are two completely different things. He deserves to hear it, though. He's probably never been called beautiful before so hearing it from me would surely excite him to a new level. And the best part would be seeing him blush. I smiled at the thought. Collin looked up at me with a puzzled expression.

"You're beautiful," I whispered. "That's what I was going to say." Red lit up on his soft cheeks. Saying it was definitely worth it to see him blush. "I don't know why I couldn't tell you that in the truck."

Collin gave me a kiss on the cheek. We stared into each other's eyes. He slowly leaned forward planting his lips atop mine. Our tongues brushed against each other's. He cupped one side of my head with a hand and used the other to prop himself up. I felt I was in heaven. Kissing Collin is like kissing Jacob. They're similar in the way they kiss therefore I don't have to tune myself any differently, which is an added bonus.

He stopped kissing, running his tongue down to my neck and nipped gently at the skin. I couldn't stop from moaning. I think I speak for everyone when I say being nibbled on the neck is such a euphoric sensation. And then Collin went one step further by nibbling up to my ear lobe.

"No, babe," I breathlessly spoke. "Brian's here and if we start now I won't be able to stop."

A devious grin curled his lips. "I guess I can wait until later tonight. I need you in me." Another quick bite and he walked away. That kid will make a great salesman someday.

Brian was furiously tapping away at the controller buttons. Nothing short of a nuclear war could shift his attention. Collin was grabbing a soda from the kitchen. I dug into my pocket for my cell phone to check the time.

"Hey, guys, how about I order us some Chinese food and we watch a couple of movies?" I asked the boys.

As suspected, Brian didn't even flinch. "Sure," he monotoned.

"Sounds good," Collin chimed in.

After ordering our food, I went into my office and realized it was an absolute mess. I haven't cleaned that room since before the last day Jacob was over. Collin stayed in the living room watching Brian play his video games. An occasional laugh carried over into the office, but I was unsure of whose it was. Hopefully the laughter means they're getting along okay. Scavenging through paperwork I took notice that a lot of the papers on my desk were Jacob's from school. He liked to keep things here because he knew that if by some chance he needed something I would rush it over to him. His parents work so they wouldn't be able to do that and I'm not so sure they would have anyways. A few times I actually did have to rush home from work and pick a few papers up for him. I never minded, though. I think it was obvious I would've done anything for Jacob. The next thing that came into focus was his journal. With the boys busy I think I'll read an entry or two.

July 6 2010

Tequila is my enemy, my delicious, golden enemy. Thank God Michael didn't let me drink too much before the fireworks on the 4th. He allowed me to have a few shots after the show was over. I don't know if I'll ever be able to look Elizabeth in the face again. Michael had to literally carry me to the truck that night. I was in his arms giggling and slurring like a fool. Oh God and then yesterday I had the worst hangover EVER!!! I'm never drinking tequila again no matter how awesome it may be. At least my wonderful boyfriend took care of me. But not even he could take the pain of throwing up away. And thinking about it now, I will drink tequila again just not in such a heavy dose. Freakin retard!

Ah, yes. His infamous hangover was something terrible. He vowed to never drink again, but the better he became the more he realized he'd be drinking again. He never did have another hangover, however. So many nights were we drinking together here at the condo eating Chinese food and watching movies. Those were some of the best nights we've ever had. What's better than snuggling with the one you love all night long?

I wonder if he wrote anything about our steamy Halloween night. Grace threw a small party at her aunt's house, of which she was house-sitting. Jacob of course brought me and that didn't bode well with Grace. The party was before that beach trip where Jacob gave Grace a nice long talk about how she needed to start accepting me. The party was fun even though I was given a mean look all night long. Towards the end of the night, Jacob snuck me into the backyard where we blew each other. I think Grace might have known what we did because when we went back inside the mean look turned into a murderous one.

Let's see . . .

November 1 2010

Last night was intense! Grace's party was sooo much fun. Michael and I danced our asses off, ate a ton of food, and even got to have a little private fun. Once again Grace was less than welcoming towards Michael. For some reason though I don't think Michael cares. Even while being glared at he smiled and stayed in good spirits. I've told Grace to stop with the whole jealousy shit, but she isn't getting the hint. Whatever. When people started going home, I took Michael into the backyard and gave him a blow job he won't ever forget. Since having actual sex I've been craving him even more than usual. I hope the cravings die down because they're starting to take over my life. Like literally taking over. I'll be studying history and the next thing I'm studying is the image of his cock in my mind. We've been dating for like a year and half now or something and I'm still acting like we just started. I mean I love it. I don't mind. The cravings just have to settle down. I can't believe it's already November. Christmas is right around the corner. I have absolutely no idea what to get Michael. What do you buy the guy who has basically everything? Next time I'm at his condo I'll definitely do a little snooping for what I could possibly buy for him. Maybe a new work bag. He'd look good with a satchel. Hmmmmmm............thank God I still have two months.

"Michael?" Collin called from the couch.

"Yeah?"

"What're you doing?" he asked from the doorway. The little ninja.

"Just, uh, cleaning up in here." I said nonchalantly. Reading the journal was a slight mistake on my part.

"You okay?"

I sighed with disappointment. "Why is it that you can read me like a damn book?"

"It's a gift, I guess." Collin giggled. "So, what's wrong?"

"I read some of Jacob's journal. It always makes me feel a little down afterwards. Sorry." I shuffled through some papers and pretended to not be more down than I actually felt.

"Don't be sorry. Do you want me to leave you alone?"

"No," I extended my arms, hinting at a hug. Collin took the hint and melted into me. "I miss him a whole lot."

"I know you do."

"God, I'm sorry. I shouldn't be telling you this."

"It's okay, Michael. I don't mind. Jacob was the love of your life." When he said that I almost burst out in tears. "I just hope I can become something close to that."

"Really?" I knew Collin wanted to be with me, but admitting he wants to have something with me that Jacob had with me is a huge leap out there. "Well, I think you're doing a pretty good job so far. Um, how about we talk more tonight? I like this."

"Sure," he smiled warmly. "I hope the food gets here soon. I'm starving."

I chuckled, wiping my eyes. "You're always starving."

"Hey, I've got some weight to gain back."

"Don't worry, babe. I'll fatten you up."

The food arrived shortly after I went back into the living room. The three of us ate at the dining room table. I was amazed Brian actually paused his game, but even more surprising was that he and Collin were talking freely. I guess Brian heeded my advice and tried warming up faster. They were laughing like old friends. This is going to sound corny and cheesy and downright mushy, but it honestly did make me feel warm inside seeing the two of them, two of the most important people in my life, getting along.

Brian agreed to watch a movie instead of playing more video games. He quickly saved his progress and Collin picked out a movie he hadn't seen before. Fortunately it was a movie Brian hadn't seen yet, either. Unfortunately it was a horror flick with lots of gore. Collin used me as a human shield many times. Even I had to look away once in a while. Scary movies aren't what they used to be, but this one has been doing its intended purpose. The only person not having any outward difficulty was Brian. He barely even flinched when something would make Collin and I grimace. He's probably just enforcing his masculine bravado, though. Inside could be the screams of a frightened little girl.

The movie ended not a moment too soon. The three of us felt a little hungry again so I scooped us some ice cream. It was getting kind of late and I was feeling ready to crash.

"Guys, I'm going to bed." I looked at Collin who looked up at me. I could tell he wanted to stay up with Brian, but we were supposed to talk tonight. "Come to bed when you feel like it." On the way to the bedroom, I bent down and kissed him on the forehead.

Upon lying down I instantly fell into a deep slumber.

The bed sunk in next to me. I fluttered my eyes open and saw Collin carefully trying to get under the covers. He finally got comfortable, facing away from me. I inched closer to him, locking one arm around his waist.

"Sorry," he whispered.

"Don't be. I want to talk." I replied sleepily.

"About?"

"What we were talking about earlier."

"Oh,"

"We don't have to, I guess."

"No, it's fine."

"What time is it?"

"Around three,"

"Is Brian still playing games?"

"Of course," Collin chuckled. "He sure can play. I tried, but I'm pathetic compared to him."

"I've tried, too. For some reason he couldn't stop laughing."

He giggled. "So, what do you wanna talk about?"

"Us," I yawned. "Did you mean what you said earlier? About wanting to come close to what me and Jacob had?"

"Yeah, I mean, I don't think we'll ever have something like what you and him had. But honestly I'm okay with that. When he would visit me, he would tell me all this stuff about you and how good you treated him. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't the least bit jealous."

"But you're seriously okay with that? I mean, I'm not saying you wouldn't ever get on his level because it's totally possible, but there is the possibility that Jacob is on his own level." I thought about what I said for a second. "Maybe that came out as cruel. Sorry if it did. I just mean that . . . Actually, I don't know what I mean."

"It's really okay, though, Michael. Maybe someday I will be able to get onto his level. For now I'm fine with the level I'm on."

I exhaled heavily.

"My feelings for you are pretty strong, Collin. You remind of Jacob a lot. I just wish I wouldn't compare you two. You're both so different."

"Comparing is probably what you need to do."

"What do you mean?"

Collin rolled over onto his back and glanced in my direction.

"To see how different we are you have to compare. It's human nature anyways. Of course you're going to compare the guy who's trying to win your heart against the guy who still has your heart." Even in the darkness of night I could somewhat see the flush of color that lit Collin's cheeks. He rolled back over and scooted closer against me. "I've never had anyone like you, Michael. I've never actually had a boyfriend, even before being abandoned. When working the streets the guys were always just customers, I guess. None showed any interest in a sixteen year old prostitute."

"I've been so curious about what it was like being . . . homeless for a year." I was nervous about bringing it up at all. The subject is still sore for him, I'm sure.

"You know, it wasn't as bad as you might think." he started. "The worst part was the loneliness. I could deal with being hungry and thirsty and tired, but being lonely was terrible." His voice didn't change nor falter. I was expecting some kind of emotion with this, but there wasn't anything but neutrality. "For the first month or so I was so lost. Obviously it was an entirely new way of living and I was hoping my parents would change their minds. But they never came for me. They never even searched for me. That was a hard part, too. Loneliness and the feeling of abandonment."

"When did you meet Jacob?"

"Jacob first met me in December or January, I think it was. He offered me some money and then just sat down and talked to me. I remember thinking he was weird." We both giggled. Jacob sure was a people person. "And he kept coming back to give me some money. I'm assuming a lot of the money was yours."

"Yeah," I laughed. "I wondered why he kept running out so fast."

"It was nice of him. The times he spent with me helped with the loneliness. But by that time it had been just about a year anyways so I was pretty much used to being alone."

"How . . . how did you start, um, offering yourself?" Ooh, such an uncomfortable topic.

"One night while I was trying to find somewhere to crash, a car parked ahead of me. A guy got out and walked over to me. He asked what I was doing out so late all by myself. He then offered to give me some money if I'd give him some satisfaction. At that point I hadn't eaten for close to a week. I was desperate, Michael. The idea sickened me, but I literally had no choice." Now there's the emotion I was waiting for. Collin sniffled, bringing his knees up to his chest. "I just . . . Thinking about this stuff makes me feel pretty bad. I've been a homeless prostitute for over a year. My parents don't care about me. I have nothing, Michael." He sadly let out.

I smiled. "You have me, Collin."

"Yeah," I knew he was grinning. "I do have you."

"You know, we never did get to fool around."

"I'm pretty exhausted."

"Well," I threw the covers off of us and slid down his body. "You can just lie there while I make you feel better."

Collin had a nice tent growing inside of his shorts. He lifted his shirt off and flung it across the room. I rubbed down his stomach, placing soft kisses in random places. Hooking my fingers underneath the waistband of the shorts he wore, I pulled them down slowly. The tip of his hard cock had a drop of precum. I licked it off making him twitch with pleasure.

"Please, Michael, just do it." Collin begged. I took him in my mouth and used as much suction as possible. "Ohh!"

"Hey! I don't wanna hear that!" Brian shouted from the living room.

Aunt Jackie picked Brian up around twelve the following day. When she got to the condo, he was just barely waking. He happened to mention not going to bed until around four, which I found absolutely insane. Video games cannot be that fun to where someone loses sleep over them. Okay, so maybe that happens every day, but that is still insane.

"Later, dude. We'll have to have another sleepover some time." I said, walking him and my aunt out the door.

"For sure," he said. "Maybe next time you won't go to bed super early."

"Well, not everyone has the stamina of a youthful fourteen year old." I joked.

"Oh, please!" Brian groaned. "It was like ten o'clock!"

"Whatever,"

"Bye, Brian." Collin said from behind me.

"Later, man!"

"Bye, Michael. Thanks for having him over." Aunt Jackie said.

"Not a problem." I closed the door behind them. Collin went into the kitchen fetching a glass of water. "Babe, I need to go to Target for some stuff today. Do you want to go with me?"

"Yeah, I'll go as long as I get sex later."

I perked up. "Deal!" We both giggled.

The two of us got ready separately. I showered and dressed before Collin so that he could eat. While waiting for him to clean up, I checked my e-mail to make sure none of my clients have had any discrepancies. It would amaze you as to how many problems in a sale or purchase that can come up just overnight.

On the drive to the store, Collin was going on about how much fun he and Brian had last night. I was under the assumption they had a kickass time anyways considering he didn't come to bed until around three in the morning. But it was still nice to hear and be affirmed of said assumption. Brian will definitely have to come over again sometime soon, and like he said hopefully I'll be able to stay up later with them. Perhaps I'll start playing some video games to grow my skills and be able to at least hold my own against him.

For being a Sunday afternoon, Target was lacking customers. On a normal Sunday around this time, the store would be booming with business. Booming to the point where I'd consider leaving and returning the next day to do my shopping. I've done that plenty of times before much to the dismay of Jacob. Regardless the type of shopping he just liked to. I think it had something to do with how badly I spoiled him. Anytime we'd go to a store he knew he'd be leaving victorious whether it be with clothes or a movie or even something else. Don't go thinking he was a greedy little shit, because he was the least greedy person I have ever known. I mean, just look at what he's done for Collin. Jacob had his own personal philosophy for not coming off as greedy when it came to me spending money on him. Collin was acting like he had his own personal philosophy. When he'd want something off a shelf he asked. Every. Single. Time. It was a flashback of when we went to the grocery store. I had to keep telling him not to ask and to "just put whatever you want in the cart."

We finally finished grabbing the things on the list. I figured we could use a new movie to entertain us tonight and him tomorrow. I have to go into work tomorrow because my funds are running under what is acceptable to myself. Especially with the new deal I've been secretly working on the past week I've got to have extra money in the bank.

"I can pick out anything?" Collin asked softly.

"Yes, Collin, pick out seven movies if you want. I'm gonna look down here, okay? You pick out a few and we'll pay and get out of here."

Collin started at the top of the alphabet whereas I went to the bottom. If we were switched it would be metaphorical, me being the top and him the bottom. Anyways, before I pop a boner. I browsed through some movies, moving forward absentmindedly. A bad thing happened next. What comes before the letter Z? T. T for what? That damn vampire movie Jacob was so in love with . . .

The cover stood out like a sore thumb. The vampire was holding his human girlfriend securely. Jacob absolutely loved the romance in the film. In fact, he was so in love with it that I actually watched the movie a few times by myself to try to pick up what the vampire was throwing down. That worked, sort of, but it wasn't the romance that worked on Jacob. It was the effort I put into it. He was impressed and giggly that I would watch a movie I highly disliked just to woo him. Thinking about all of this brings back so many memories. I'm a fool for being here.

"Hey, Michael," Collin approached just as I was about to touch the forbidden movie. "Isn't that the girl you don't like? What's her name? Um . . ." He pointed to a girl way down the aisle.

It only took a second for me to recognize her.

"Grace." Ugh. I hope to God she doesn't . . . Never mind. She just glanced over at me.

A sudden overwhelming surge of emotion consumed my soul. I felt ready to burst out in tears any second. I can't let Collin see me like this.

"Collin, I have to use the bathroom. Stay here with the cart and I will be right back."

I left him standing, dumbfounded and confused over the current situation. A few people gave me weird looks while I walked to the bathroom, but I was in too much of a stupor to even care in the slightest. All these terribly happy memories were just flooding my mind without me being able to stop them.

The first time we saw that stupid fucking vampire movie together.

The night I took him to the premiere of one of the sequels.

Our beach trip that we took together bringing along a portable DVD player to watch one of the movies on the beach at sunset.

In the bathroom I splashed some cold water on my face. The person staring back at me in the mirror looked a wreck. I can't keep breaking down like this. Perhaps some therapy would make things better. It can't be normal to have these little mental break downs at the most random of times. I know his death was a tragedy, and I miss him so fucking much, but should these episodes still be happening? His passing wasn't too long ago, though. Maybe it's okay to be having these breakdowns. Maybe. But it isn't good to have them in the middle of a fucking store. Maybe therapy is still a good idea. I don't know. All of this is so confusing.

Collin is probably wondering what I'm doing by now. I've been staring in the mirror for ten minutes. It's surprising no one has complained about a weirdo staring at himself.

I headed back to the electronics. The sooner we left Target the better. The universe felt more in balance than before I ran to the bathroom. These swift mood swings are working my last nerve.

Rounding the corner where I remember leaving Collin with the cart, I was surprised to see only the cart. Collin must be close by. He should have enough common sense not to simply leave our stuff unattended for long. Any second now I should be seeing him.

Ten minutes later . . .

Okay, so still no Collin. Where the fuck could he have gone to? He couldn't have gone looking for me. I would've seen him if he had, surely. Perhaps he's lost? I don't even know.

I pushed the cart down every single aisle in the store from the toothpaste to the girlie toy section. There was no trace of Collin. I was getting ready to give up when my cell phone started to ring. I didn't recognize the number and thought it was Collin calling from a payphone.

"Hello? Collin?" I answered. " . . . Oh, hi. I'm sorry. I didn't recognize the number . . . No, no now is fine. I'll see you then."

The realization that Collin left me strung a terrifying chord in my mind.

I hope everyone enjoyed chapter ten. Feel free to join my group: Shades of Wisteria. Go vote for the next story I write while you're there! Oh, and don't forget about my instant messaging screen names! Don't worry about bugging me, either, because you WON'T. I love talking to my readers!

AIM= brokendreamboi

Yahoo!= brokendreamboi

MSN= brokendreamboi@yahoo.com

Here's my blog, which is kept updated: Bobby's Blog.

Visit my store here: Bobby's Storefront. You can purchase A Life So Changed and Beautiful Lie. Thanks ahead of time.