The following is a work of fiction. The story may contain profanity and references to gay sex. Any relation to similar events or persons, fiction or real, is completely fortuitous. If such content offends you please leave now. The author retains all rights to the story. Do not copy or use without written authority from the author. Write Bobby at with your comments.

Mad World 13

It's unfathomable to think Grace would write Jacob the note. For God's sake they were best friends. They shared everything. I know Jacob told her about the first time we had sex. How much more best friendly can you get? She knows his parents would disown him entirely if they found out about his sexuality, but the elephant in the room here is the fact that Grace was just as protective of his secret as he was. Why would she write such a note to him? Assuming she did write the note, I mean. Handwriting isn't like a fingerprint. Or maybe it is, but not 100% exact. I don't know nor do I care. The point is that Grace wouldn't do that to Jacob. As nice a thought it is to blame that bitch there's no way she would've betrayed him like that. With that being said, she isn't ruled out as a suspect now. And if I find out it was her, she will rue the day she crossed me.

Ever since contemplating her as the writer, I've stayed on the couch watching late night TV. I felt too lethargic to move. Seven times I almost got off my ass and went to the store for some alcohol, but the lethargy was too great. Life doesn't seem worth it anymore, and drinking away the problems seems like a great idea.

Jasper's perched on my forearm asleep. Purchasing him was a brilliant idea. I don't feel as lonely as I would if there was no life other than mine in the condo. He's a cute little guy. Collin will probably like him, too. Tomorrow, or later today rather, I'm going back out in search of him. Who am I going to kid? Barbara was right when she said I can't let him get away. There's something deep between the two of us, and I can see myself with him for a long haul. Hopefully he feels the same way. And if he doesn't feel the same way, well, there's always alcohol to console me.


Tuesday was a bad day for me. Instead of going out to look for Collin I buried myself in work. The numbness consumed my soul prior to leaving to the office that morning. It felt useless to try to look for him. So, I went headlong into work and haven't stopped since. I've been up late going over contracts and reports. To say I'm a mess would probably be an understatement. I wouldn't know what I look like, though. Before leaving for work now I don't check myself in the mirror. I feel like a vampire or something. The only thing that's kept me sane is Jasper. His incandescent chirping was a small reminder that there's a living, breathing creature that likes me enough to stick around.


"Huh? What?" I mumbled, snapping out of my reverie.

"I asked what Collin is doing. You leave him home while you're out working. He's probably bored out of his mind." Mom tried making it sound like she was insinuating I was doing something wrong. Little does she know he isn't even at my condo.

"He's fine, mom. He doesn't mind being there. It's better than being on the streets."

"I know, but if he ever wants something to do you could always bring him over here. He can just stay in your room and watch TV or whatever. At least there would be people with him to keep him company."

"Now there's a great idea. Bring my boyfriend over to stay the day with my parents." The sarcasm was dripping from the words.

"Well, fine if you're going to be that way. I just thought it'd be nice for him, that's all."

"Thanks for the suggestion, but we've talked about it before and he likes being at the condo." Yeah, we never talked about it. "Anyways, I have to get back to work. Thanks for fixing the shirt."

I went over to see her in the first place to have her sew a rip in one of my favorite shirts. Yesterday I rearranged my office and silly me did it in a work shirt. It was one of those I'm-depressed-so-I-feel-like-doing-something-constructive-to-prevent-myself-from-driving-off-a-bridge impulses. Jasper watched from his cage occasionally letting out a high call. We've bonded since I purchased him a few days ago. I'll set him on the ground and he'll follow me everywhere I go. He's like a tiny, tiny puppy with wings, except he's much easier to take care of. Jacob used to talk about wanting a dog, but his parents wouldn't let him. You can imagine the thoughts that were swimming through my head at the time. It was amazing some of the things we talked about. Our future was the biggest discussion, always ensuing passionate sex afterwards. We talked about our house, our cars, our kids, pets, vacations. You name it we talked about it. My plan was to make him the happiest person in the world. He almost gave me the chance . . . At least I made two years of his life amazing. That has to count for something.

"Babe, I want a Lamborghini. Will you buy me one?" Jacob asked. We were lying in bed together, just holding each other and talking about casual subjects.

"Lamborghini? What about a 370z?" I said, hoping to steer his mind away from such a car.

"You of all people should want to buy me a beast like a Lamborghini. It could leave Nissan in the dust."

"Watch it now. You know how I feel about Nissan."

Jacob laughed, "Yeah, yeah,"

"Well, as long as you don't want a Dodge or Toyota, then I think we can compromise."

"Why don't you like those?"

"For starters, the Rams are terrible. I've watched videos of them going head to head against Nissan, Ford, Chevy, even Toyota, and it came out in last place in almost every single challenge."

"What were the challenges?"

"Acceleration, braking, towing, climbing."

"How did Nissan do?"

"The Titan came out on top or right below the top."

"And what about Toyota?"

"Well . . . The Tundra won a couple of the challenges . . ."

Jacob let out a smug laugh. "Uh huh." He pushed his rear into my crotch, moving up and down. "So, what don't you like about Toyota?"

I was hard and breathless. "Um . . . The, uh," I swallowed hard, "steering wheels."

He stopped moving and laughed hysterically. "You don't like Toyota because of their steering wheels? What the hell, Michael?"

"Shut up," I playfully smacked him. "Being mean to me isn't the way to get this." I shoved into him from behind as forcefully as I could.

He moaned. "Sorry then,"

"I think you'd look good in a Z."

"Michael, I don't want a Nissan." he laughed.

"What about a Ford? The Escapes are nice and come in hybrid form."

"Fix or repair daily?"

"No! Gah!"

"It's fun riling you up."

"Yeah, lots of fun."

"I want something sporty. I'd be down for an Infiniti."

"Babe! The Z is sporty!" I sighed in defeat. "Infiniti is Nissan, though, so I guess that's okay."

"Or the Hyundai Genesis Coupe looks nice, too."

"That . . . Yeah, it's nice. It's on my favorite show and I wanted to buy one after that, but I can't sell my Xterra."

"If you sold it we'd never be able to go off-roading again!"

A clap of thunder rang through the sky. Jacob snuggled in closer to me. He has problems with storms. He doesn't even know why. The thunder just startles him. We crawled into bed earlier fully clothed and drifted in and out of consciousness, but since the storm rolled in we've—excuse me—he's been wide awake.

"I love you so much, Jacob. I'm so glad I took a risk to find out who you were." I kissed the back of his head, enjoying the scent of the shampoo he makes me buy him for when he showers here.

"Love you too, babe. Do you ever feel like we'll be together forever?" His voice was soft and tender.

"That feeling is with me every second of everyday."

"Same here," He paused for a moment. "I can't believe our two years is in a few months."

"Time has certainly flown by. I can still remember the first time you spent the night with me. You little sex fiend, blowing me by the end of the night."

"Hey, I heard no complaints from you. I do remember hearing a lot of moaning and whimpering, though."

I laughed. "Never said it was a bad thing."

"Michael, when I say I want to be together forever I mean it." He moved out of my grasp, rolling on top of me. "You're the best thing that has ever happened to me. You're the greatest guy in the world."

"I'll always be with you, Jacob. I love you so much."

He laid his head on my chest. "What kind of house will we have?"

"I've always pictured us on top of a hill with a view of the city and a really nice backyard."

"Can we have a TV in every room? Like even in the shower? And every single step! Everywhere I turn I want to see a TV."

"You don't even watch that much TV now."

"So not the point,"

"Okay, I'll make sure there are TVs everywhere. Anything else?"

"I want our room to be, like, a really dark blue. A Hollister dark blue. And fake palm trees and Hollister scents and a ceiling fan in the shape of giant fronds."

"You sure have this planned out. Forget something?"

"Not that I'm aware of. At least not with the house itself. But it has to be big because . . . Well just because."

"Whatever you want, babe."

He threw in, "You can have the kitchen any way you want it."

"I'm so grateful."

"Can we have a dog? No, a dolphin!"

"A dolphin?" I chuckled. He sure has some crazy ideas.

"Yeah! Our backyard will have the tank and a tropical beach pool. And there has to be lots of flowers—oranges, reds, yellows, whites, purples, blues. And I want a huge telescope to look at the stars."

"Damn, babe, you might end up bankrupting me." I laughed softly.

"You're the best real estate agent in the county, probably the entire state. There's no way you're going broke."

"Would you love me even if I wasn't boyfriend-proclaimed the best?" The answer was clear, but it was still nice to hear.

He craned his neck up to look me square in the eye. "I will love you forever. If things came down to it we could live in a house with two bedrooms and a small backyard. But there is one thing I won't compromise on. Regardless of where we live we have to have it."

"And what's that?"

"A pet."

I smiled. "I think that can be done."

Jacob gave me a small kiss, which quickly grew into something much more passionate. His body pressed harder into mine. Our solid cocks rubbed against one another through our jeans. He whimpered when I started sucking on his neck.

"Michael, take me." Jacob pleaded. I reached under the bed while he undressed completely and slid my pants down a little. He took the bottle of lube from me. Just as I was about to get up to lay him down, he stopped me. "No," was all he said. The lube covered my cock in a slick coating. Jacob straddled me, reaching behind him to position himself onto the shaft. As the head slid into him he sighed, "Ooh,"

Without allowing me to do any work, he moved his hips up and down the shaft of my slickened cock. For the first few minutes he went slowly, and kept himself propped above me. But after the novelty of our pleasure wore off he lowered on top of me with his head near my neck. I knew he was going to make this a fast session. Right when I felt his tongue glide across the area below my ear I knew it was definitely going to be a fast session. The mix of him moving faster on my cock and also biting and suckling my neck was bringing me closer to the end.

"Mmm, mmph," I moaned deeply, matching thrusts with his gyrations. Jacob was always a limber one, able to pleasure me in two areas at once. My ex couldn't compare to this whatsoever.

"You like that, master?" he whispered where he was sucking. The warmth of his breath made me shiver.

"Yeah," My voice caught. "You're so tight."

He clenched his ass tightly. "Even better?"

"Oh, yes!"

He went back to work on my neck, sucking and nibbling tenderly. I could feel the end was nigh. Jacob suddenly stopped, breathing very heavily. For a moment I was wondering why, but then I felt his cum mush between us. He lay on top of me completely frozen with ecstasy, whimpering in my ear.

"Michael," he breathed out. "I love you so much."

"I know you do."

With that he re-straddled on top of me and continued to ride up and down. His warm cum puddle on my stomach oozed over the sides, dripping onto the sheets. I could feel my orgasm right around the corner. Jacob was moving as fast as he could. The lube was almost nonexistent. The friction and heat were becoming overwhelming at this point. But then I felt a sudden rush of cum flow up my cock.

"Oh, pup, I'm cumming! Babe!" I panted heavily. The cum gushed into his ass. I pumped forcefully, trying to lay my seed deep inside of him. After five or six spurts the euphoria lessened.

"That's something we can't compromise on, either. Great love making is a must no matter how we end up." He rested half on me, trying to catch his breath from the strenuous work out. I had an arm around him still in a post-orgasm stupor.

"Definitely won't compromise that."

Another clap of thunder made Jacob tightly wrap his arms around me. This is how we spent the rest of the night. Talking about our future and making love two more times.

I must continue looking for Collin. It's imperative that he return home with me. Even with Jasper to keep me some form of company, I'm terrified of being alone tonight. The memories will haunt me tonight. I know they will. Not even two o'clock yet and they're already starting. That night with Jacob was without a doubt one of the best nights we ever shared. The talk of our future really made me feel like we'd be together forever. I'm going to massacre that bitch Grace for what she's done to me.

Since Monday I haven't searched at all. Like I said I kept myself buried in work. But now I regret not looking for him because it's just going to take that much longer. And now he may think I don't care about him, which is the most devastating theory. I care so deeply for him. Maybe I have fallen in love with him, regardless of the insignificant amount of time we've spent together. It still feels too early to even think about the "L" word with him, though. I don't know. Damn my heart.

For a couple of hours I went through other parks in the city considering I only went to the one on Monday. My luck was the same, though. Not even a false hope of seeing him. I drove in the one area downtown where I had yet to look. State Street is lined with boutiques and small businesses of all sorts. I parked at the entrance of the one way street. As I was getting out of the truck, I heard my name from across the way. Angela suddenly appeared in front of me.

"Hey! I haven't seen you since the funeral!" She seemed genuinely excited to see me. "What're you doing around here? Buying some new lingerie?"

"Very funny," I chuckled lightly. "I'm actually looking for a friend around here."

"Want me to help? I've got nothing else to do. I was actually about to go home and take a nap." She was holding only a single shopping bag.

Quick decision. She doesn't know Collin or about our relationship, but she also wouldn't care. She is nothing like that bitch Grace.

"Sure," I smiled to show I was being sincere. I know I looked anything but.

"So, what does this friend look like?"

"Well, he's probably wearing a red shirt, brown hair passed his ears. Um, about five-eight, skinny, tan."

"Hm, okay," We began strolling along the sidewalk. "Is this friend of yours a boyfriend?"

Hesitation was all too obvious before I spoke. "Kind of. It's complicated."

"How so?"

"Well, Jacob for one. And Collin is, or was, no is, homeless. He ran away from me Sunday and I haven't seen him since."

Angela stayed silent for a short time.

"A new boyfriend. You must be doing well."

I knew she meant nothing by that, but it the words weren't any less painful. "I have ups and downs. I could say the same to you."

She smiled. "You could, but Jacob and I weren't near as close as you two were for obvious reasons. That being said I do miss him like crazy. And I know Grace and Todd do, too."

"Yeah, well, I couldn't care less about Grace. Todd was never too much of a problem, but he followed Grace around like a damn puppy." Angela laughed. "It was so annoying."

"You should see them now. It's been even worse since the funeral. Grace and him almost literally spend every second together. I don't even hang out with them that much anymore, not even at school."

"Because they're always together? Or because you're starting to see that Grace is a real shaft of a person?"

"Um . . . both," We laughed in unison. "No, she just needs to get a grip on reality. Jacob is gone and nothing can change that. I've forced myself to move on because living in the past is a dangerous thing."

"Isn't it, though?"

"Hopefully she realizes that soon. It'd be nice to hang out again and have things go back to normal."

Our conversation moved away from Jacob and Grace. We talked instead about more general things. She told me she'd like to meet Collin some day. We must've walked up and down the street three or four times not even realizing what amount of time had passed. I escorted her to her car and gave my thanks for dwindling the hours away. The two of us promised to keep in touch, sharing a common interest: Jacob.

Once again the numbing sense of failure consumed me. I haven't had any kind of alcohol in quite a while. Perhaps it wouldn't hurt to drown my sorrows for the night. What harm could that do? I deserve to have a little self-indulgence, after all. It's Friday night and I've no plans, no responsibilities. No one to go home to, other than Jasper. A little liquor never hurt anyone. But when I pulled into a store parking lot I reconsidered. Jacob's death brought with it not only great pain, but also a drinking problem. I'll be damned if I turn out like my uncle. But then again the pity I feel for myself is almost too much to bear. It's one of those kill-me-now type feelings. Something I don't like. Just before I stepped out of the truck to purchase my poison, it was clear that human companionship was all I needed.

"Hey, Brian . . . Yeah, well listen. I have nothing to do tonight and was wondering if you wanted to come over? . . . Oh, right, I forgot about your team party . . . Never mind then, bud . . . Are you sure? . . . Yeah, that'd be fine then. What time do you think? . . . Sounds good. I'll see you later."

Thank God for Brian. Without him I'd be one step closer to true despair.

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