The following is a work of fiction. Any similarities are entirely fortuitous. The story may contain profanity and references to gay sex. Any relation to similar events or persons, fiction or real, is completely coincidental. If such content offends you please leave now. The author retains all rights to the story. Do not copy or use without written authority from the author. Write Bobby at firstname.lastname@example.org with your comments.
Mad World 07
Running is one of the most fun things I do for myself. Since Jacob's passing, exercise hasn't even been on my mind. But this morning when I woke up I had the strongest urge to go for a run. The urge could quite possibly mean that things are beginning to return to normal. I mean, Collin and I are interacting great with each other and now I'm exercising again. It may not seem like smooth sailing to someone else, but to me it seems like things are truly returning to normal. However strong the urge was, though, I could only muster up a mile before my legs felt like jelly. Normally it would have taken two or three miles before turning back home sounded like a good idea. I've grown way out of shape in a couple of weeks' time.
Collin is apparently a very heavy sleeper. I thought it was just because of sleeping on the streets, but that might not be the case anymore. When I returned home after the run and showered and ate, he was still sleeping like a baby. It's not like we returned home from the party late last night. Ten was the latest I remember us being up and it's about ten now, so twelve hours of sleep-that's intense.
Blue sky is one of the most serene things this planet has to offer. If you're lucky enough to have bright blue skies, then you really need to take a minute and enjoy it because other people aren't so lucky what with the smog in some areas. Where we live there's some smog, but the winds generally take care of it enough to really enjoy the days given to us. But do you know what makes the sky blue? It has something to do with wavelengths and atmospheric particles. The theory isn't so tough, but why complicate something so beautiful? Well, given the awesome day outside, I decided to sit on the patio and do a little cold calling in the comfort of fresh air.
For the next two hours, I spent calling many, many numbers. There isn't often much gained from cold calling, but the one thing that matters is networking. Say one caller isn't interested in buying or selling. He or she could know someone who is and they could give their friend my number. That's the gist of networking. Other agents don't like cold calling, claiming it to be a waste of time. Yeah, the past two hours has only given me one real lead, but that's the business, you know? You have to take the good with the bad. Around one, Collin stumbled out of the bedroom, plopping down on the couch.
"Afternoon," I smiled. "Sleep well?"
"Sorry again," he mumbled. "I haven't slept peacefully in a while. Hopefully I won't sleep the days away much longer." He stifled a big yawn.
"Not to worry, babe," I froze, realizing what slipped out of my mouth. "Um, sorry about that,"
He giggled, "Now it's your turn not to worry,"
I walked into the kitchen and mentally kicked myself. The burn of embarrassment raged within. Calling him the simplest of all pet names was so unexpected. I didn't even think about it. Sheesh, talk about a slip!
"I... Err, what do you want to eat, Collin?" I called out not even facing the direction of the couch. Opening the fridge, I saw there was a limited amount of food and the food that was available wasn't meal-friendly.
"Whatever you're having," Collin said, suddenly standing next to me.
"I'm sort of foodless right now. How about I just order up a pizza? We can go to the store later."
Collin laughed cutely. "Is pizza all you eat?"
"I can see why you'd think that, but Jacob was the pizza fiend. On the weekends when he would spend the night, he'd always ask for pizza. So, I made sure to keep an ample supply."
"Well, pizza's fine by me," Collin said. "Can I take a shower real quick?"
"Sure, go ahead,"
While Collin took a shower, I ordered our pizza. There's a local pizza shop just down the street where I always order from. I'm not a fan of big food conglomerates, at least when it comes down to pizza. Locally owned restaurants always have a better atmosphere anyways and generally have better food, too. Once the food was ordered, I made a few more cold calls. One after another after another denied the business call and said they weren't interested. It really does take a special kind of person to withstand the rejection that comes with cold calling or even telemarketing, I'm sure. Seventeen hang-ups later, I went into the kitchen for a glass of anything.
The bathroom door jiggled before Collin stepped out with only a towel wrapped around his waist. His body glistened, water droplets falling from his hair. I froze with delight, although I portrayed a true poker face. He moved closer to me slowly, longingly, probably trying to enhance the sexual tension.
"Collin, what are you..."
"Shh," he said, placing a finger against my mouth. We looked into each other's eyes, staring intently. Collin pulled my head down with one hand to kiss me. The other hand he used to drop his towel. I could feel his hard cock pressing into me.
I let him take control of everything. Between his hand running through my hair and his insanely talented tongue, I was ready to cum right then. But then when he unbuttoned my pants, it became clear what he really wanted to do. He got on his knees and pulled my pants and boxers down revealing my own hard cock. A drop of precum was leaking from it. I noticed he seemed to be momentarily stunned. By what I'm not sure. I mean, my cock isn't huge or anything. Jacob made me measure it a year ago and it was seven inches. I don't think it grew any. Maybe it was the fact that I wasn't forcing him to blow me that caused him to think. He snapped out of it soon enough and licked the precum from the head. Chills ran down my spine from the sensation. I thought I was ready to cum from just kissing him, but when he slid my cock into his mouth... I was the stunned one then.
"Oh," I breathed out. Something felt incredible aside from the obvious. It felt squishy yet firm at the same time. I looked down at Collin who had taken the entire seven inch shaft into his mouth. The squishy, firm feeling was the back of his throat! The sight threw me overboard. "Oh, God!" I moaned, grabbing onto the fridge for support. I felt the cum shoot out like a geyser at Yellowstone flooding Collin's throat. What I thought was a lot of cum, however, must not have been for he swallowed every last drop not faltering once.
"That was great," he grinned, pulling my pants back up.
I couldn't think much less reply. I just stood, holding onto the fridge, mouth agape, breathing heavily. Only a few times have I actually cum that fast. Normally it takes at least ten minutes regardless of the situation. That was maybe a minute if even that.
"I... I, um, can't believe I came that fast. Never really happened much before." I said in a trance. I was seriously disorientated.
"Not a bad thing," Collin said. He stood up, closed my mouth then gave me a kiss. "The food on its way?"
"Huh?" I mumbled. "Uh, yeah," I was trying to regain my composure while figuring out how to bring up the idea of him going to the doctors for a certain kind of test. His past way of life provides certain risks. The risks can be life threatening and I'm not down for that. I would be much more willing to swallow his load and fuck him if he's clean, even if he's not, but of course we'd take precautions.
"You seem kind of out of it," Collin noted. "Cumming feel that good?"
"No, it's not that. I mean, yeah it was great, but I was thinking about returning the favor."
"Oh, well, I'm used to just servicing and not being serviced so no worries. Maybe later, huh?"
"The thing is, Collin, I'm not entirely comfortable doing anything like that to you because of... Well, because of... What I'm trying to say is I want to, but reality is screaming at me that it shouldn't happen."
"Maybe it's just me, but I'm not really following you."
"It's not just you," I sighed with frustration. "What I mean is that it would make me feel a whole lot better if we both know that you are clean." I waited for a negative reaction from him, but my waiting was for not.
"Just so you know, every time I serviced someone there was protection used. But I understand so no feelings hurt. There's a clinic on Lagona where I could go." Collin was taking this too well for me.
"Actually, I've been to that clinic before and the results take a couple of weeks. I can't speak for you, but I'm dying to get to know you better." I bit my lip in desperation. "How about we go to an actual testing center? The results could be delivered next day."
One of those awkwardly cute smiles came upon his face. "Horny, are we?"
I pulled him in close to me, whispering in his ear. "You have no idea," Then I playfully bit down on his earlobe. A soft whimper escaped his lips. What the hell. I can at least jack him off. A drop of precum drooled out of the head, traveling slowly down my palm. Collin moaned loudly, bucking his hips matching my motions.
"Oh, Michael," he cooed. "Stop, just stop. I don't want to cum." I did as he asked and took a step back. "Sorry, I just don't like to cum standing up."
I laughed. "Okay then,"
"It'll be better once I get tested." There was the slightest hint of sadness in the way he said that. Perhaps it's not sadness so much as worry. Could he be positive for something?
"I didn't upset you did I? If so, please forgive me. I don't think you're dirty or anything. It's just that I want to be safe, okay?" Quickly, I explained.
"I'm not upset," he replied softly. "But what if I have something? Are you still going to like me then?"
No time was wasted in my reply. "Yes,"
"We would just have to be safe. Until the facts are laid out, though, staying positive wouldn't disintegrate our sanity."
He sighed, "I guess,"
The pizza delivery guy interrupted our conversation by knocking on the door. Collin ate half the pizza himself before I was finished with my second piece. Between him scarfing down food and the general awkwardness, well, needless to say there wasn't any talking going on. I would occasionally glance up to see him shifting his gaze, but still nothing would be said. Finally, having had enough of the silence, I wanted to show him that things were okay. I brushed his foot with my own, then ran it up his leg as far as possible. He smiled that damn way only he can and I knew that he knew things were good.
Instead of going straight to the store after eating, the two of us lied on the couch and watched TV. Collin snuggled up next to me despite the warmer temperature. Our cuddling was nice, but within a few minutes I was beginning to sweat. Apparently it was obvious because he inched away from me. I wanted him to be pressed against me, though, hot or not. I wanted to feel his body touching mine.
"I'll turn the air on," I climbed over the back of the couch, Collin laughing at me the entire time. Small beads of sweat dripped down my face, falling to the carpet below. On the thermostat it displayed the inside temperature as seventy-nine degrees. So...why in the hell am I sweating? Maybe it was just because of our bodies being so close.
"It's not even hot in here, Michael." Collin said, reaching over to the coffee table and taking a sip of his water.
"I'm burning up, babe," I cringed when that word left my mouth, but made no apologies.
"Well, I guess if you're hot."
Once the air kicked on, I returned to my spot behind Collin. An air vent was just across from us and the blast of cold air felt so relieving. I placed my arm securely over his ribcage and continued watching TV.
Regardless of the aisle, Collin would not choose anything for himself. In order for him to decide on anything, I would have to pick up an item and ask if he likes whatever it was that I picked up. And in return I would merely get a nod. Just a nod. A little, insignificant nod that was supposed to suffice for a verbal acceptance. Does it sound like I'm annoyed? Well, I am fucking annoyed. He came with me on this shopping trip to help choose what food to eat for a couple of weeks or however long. Instead of helping he's completely complicating things like no other.
"Collin, choose something, please! You tagged along to pick what food you want to eat. So pick something before I lose my mind!" I blurted out angrily, not even thinking about how I might've sounded.
He looked taken aback by my outburst.
"No," I sighed. "I didn't mean to snap like that. But why aren't you shopping? You'll be eating the food, too."
"I'm not comfortable picking, okay? You're paying for it. It's your home. You should be the one picking out food."
"We could sit around all day and argue about this, but listen to me, Collin. I want you to choose food you like. It could be anything. If you like macaroni and cheese, I'll buy you a case or two. If you want, I don't know, pretzels, then I'll buy you as many bags that can fit in this cart. Just please choose something."
The next aisle we ventured down was the pasta one. Collin looked to be studying the boxes of food more so than any other aisle. Maybe pasta would be our lucky ingredient.
"Can I, um, get some of this?" Collin held up a box of white shell pasta with a four cheese sauce-one of those stove top meals.
I smiled, happy that he finally chose something. "Get as many as you want." He set five boxes in the cart and returned a smile to me.
For the remainder of our shopping, Collin burst out of his shell and began picking foods he'd like to eat. Aisle after aisle he would grab stuff and toss it in the cart. On the final aisle, two people were standing around at the far end. It didn't take long for me to recognize the pair. The closer we got to them the more terrified I became. Our presence didn't go unnoticed, either. They turned around and saw me walking towards them.
"Hi, Michael," Grace said, smiling. The smile was very forced and so was the politeness being displayed. Todd just kind of stared off into space not caring about pleasantries at all.
"Grace," I nodded. "How're you doing?" I could fake politeness, too.
"I'm doing great. What about you? Who's this?" The once polite tone turned into that of an accusing one, kind of like she already knew the answer, but asked anyways just to be sure.
"Same," I replied. "This is Collin, my, uh, friend," I was very nervous.
"I'm Grace and this is Todd," she said to him.
Collin remained silent. He must've sensed the complete awkwardness in the situation. I was so happy he kept his mouth shut, though.
"Well, we were just leaving. It was nice seeing you guys again." I walked away feeling like a complete moron.
"Who were they, Michael?" Collin asked as we came up on a check out.
"Grace was Jacob's best friend. I know she was murdering me in her mind. We've never really gotten along. Still haven't figured out why." I was sad because of seeing her. It reminded me of Jacob terribly. Not here, Michael. Not here.
"Jacob used to tell me that she would tell him she'd get jealous over how much time he spent with you. She felt like you were taking him away from her." Collin said that like it was so easy and natural for him. I wonder what else Jacob has told him.
Back at the condo, with the completion of the groceries put away, I wanted so badly to question Collin about Jacob. I wasn't sure how to approach the subject, though. I don't want to come off as jealous, even though that's totally how I feel. But perhaps that's okay. I mean, my boyfriend snuck off behind my back to chat with a homeless kid. Why shouldn't I feel jealous? Oh, I know that answer! Because Jacob wouldn't ever cheat on me. He wouldn't ever betray me like that. There isn't a doubt in my mind that he remained faithful our entire two years. Then again, I never suspected him to commit suicide, either.
"Collin, I need to talk to you." I said seriously. He already looked scared. "I need to know what you and Jacob talked about."
"There was a lot of stuff, Michael. Anything specific?"
"Anything involving me," I quickly said.
"Bad or good?"
Regret showed on his face. "Oops,"
"Like bad bad or just bad?"
"Nothing too serious. Just little things."
I took a seat on the couch, patting the spot next to me for him to sit.
"Okay, I'll start with bad first. I can't remember everything, though. I do remember this one time when he came to talk to me. You two had gotten into a fight about money or something. He spent too much and you yelled at him for it."
"Yeah, that was within our first year together. The credit card company actually called me and asked if my card was stolen."
"He was pretty upset that you yelled at him, but he got over it fast. And then six months ago or something he talked to me about homecoming. Boy, what a mess that was."
"Wait, what? Homecoming?"
"Yeah," he said nervously, looking like he had just been caught again. "Jacob didn't tell you what happened at homecoming?" I know the look on my face was more an answer than any word could be. "He didn't cheat on you even though he thought it was, but really it wasn't cheating, but he thought you'd get jealous so that's why he didn't tell you, but I don't see why he didn't tell you, I mean, it wasn't-"
"Collin! Just tell me! I'm freaking out here."
"Okay, okay," he sighed. "Grace made him dance with some guy. He doesn't know why he did it, but he said he regretted it the rest of the night."
"Come to think of it, he was acting extra lovey the day after he got back. Now I know why."
"Would you have been jealous?"
"Definitely, but not because he was dancing with a guy. I would have been jealous because I wasn't the one dancing with him. The school had an age limit for dates that were brought by students. I was already twenty-one at the time so I wasn't able to go. The same rule applies to prom, but I was planning on paying off that rule. I wanted to be there for Jacob's final prom. I wanted to be the one to dance with him. I wanted to rent a limo for him and his friends. And now I can't do any of that! Why?" By this time I was on my feet in a sudden depressed rage. "Because Jacob took his life over a note! Some fucking idiot wrote my boyfriend threatening to tell his parents he was gay. When I find out who fucking wrote it I'm going to kill them! Do you understand, Collin!? I am going to kill them!" Tears were pouring down my burning, red cheeks. I sank to my knees and began crying hysterically.
Collin padded over to me, bending down to the floor. He protectively placed an arm across my shoulders. His touch surprisingly brought little comfort. Grieving just needs to be done.
"What note, Michael?" he asked quietly.
"The day of his funeral," I sniffled, roughly wiping my eyes, "I found his journal and a note that someone wrote him." Taking a few shaky breaths, I continued. "He didn't know who wrote it to him, but in one of his journal entries he says 'she' wrote it. He doesn't say who she is, though. I have to find out, Collin. I have to know who could do this to him."
What I just told Collin... I can't believe I told him all that. He now knows why Jacob killed himself and the drama behind the scenes. Due to his blank, almost sad expression, he seemed to be digesting the newly acquired information.
"I almost can't believe that,"
"When living on the streets, one must learn how to survive in any way. I dealt with so much while being homeless. It was terrible, Michael." I could tell he was becoming choked up. Talking about the previous way he had to live is probably like me talking about Jacob.
"Do you want to talk about it?" I asked, no longer concerned with my own happiness.
"Not yet, okay? I don't even want to think about it anymore."
"Don't be sorry. I get it. When you are ready to talk about it, I'll be all ears."
I grabbed him in a hug, squeezing mildly to reassure him that there was nothing to worry about any longer. He released a heavy sigh in the crook of my neck. I thought I felt a tremble from him, but it might just've been my overactive imagination. Tomorrow will be a new day and I cannot wait to start it with Collin. Who knows? Maybe tomorrow we'll stop by a test clinic and get to know each other even better.
Here's my blog, which is kept updated: Bobby's Blog.
Visit my store here: Bobby's Storefront. You can purchase A Life So Changed and Beautiful Lie. Thanks ahead of time.