The following is a work of fiction. Any similarities are entirely fortuitous. The story may contain profanity and references to gay sex. Any relation to similar events or persons, fiction or real, is completely coincidental. If such content offends you please leave now. The author retains all rights to the story. Do not copy or use without written authority from the author. Write Bobby at brokendreamboi@yahoo.com with your comments.

Mad World 08

Wednesday 9:17 AM

"Can I speak with Collin White?"

"Who's calling?"

"I'm sorry that's confidential information. If you could just please give the phone to Collin."

It dawned on me that it was the test clinic I took him to yesterday. They're calling about his results. I handed Collin the phone and anxiously waited to hear the results for myself.

"Hello? ... Uh huh, ... Yes, ... Thank you." He handed me back the phone. "I'm clean,"

Those words were the only permission I needed to drag Collin into the bedroom and undress myself quickly. Not even being late to the office was going to stop me from taking him. He stood opposite me shucking his own clothes all over the room. I took notice the trimmed pubes that rested above his stiff cock. When and how he did that was the least of my worries.

"Con-"

I cut him off with my lips, pressing them against his, pushing my tongue inside his wet mouth. He fell back onto the bed, panting and at attention. A mild glow cast from the sun lit the room in the slightest. Collin was absolutely beautiful.

Collin pulled me down on top of him, binding my hips within his legs. My cock prodded his bottom wanting so badly to enter. I reached under the bed-breaking our lip lock in the process-to retrieve the bottle of lube that hasn't been used in a while. He grabbed the bottle away from me, resuming our kiss, and lubed my cock simultaneously. His hands massaged the slick coating over the hardness that protruded from my body. The sensual touch sent chills surging all over me.

"Fuck me, Michael." Collin breathed out.

Passion was absent. Animalistic lust took over.

With his legs still holding me close to his body I slowly pushed inside of him. A cautious start, but when I felt my head enter it was clear for me to start sliding in and out. Still I went slow, but with Collin's low moans it became easier for me to start a steady pace. By that time he wasn't the only one moaning.

"Oh," I groaned happily. "This feels so fucking good."

"Kiss me, Michael,"

Not messing the rhythm that I so perfectly created, I moved forward to meet our lips together. I anchored one arm on each side of Collin. Our bodies pressed together, but not nearly as passionately as our lips were. He sloppily rammed his tongue in my mouth, fighting for dominance over mine. His cock twitched between us wanting attention, leaking precum like a dripping faucet. Holding myself up with my left arm, I grabbed his cock in my hand and quickly jacked him off. The precum that was so abundant was providing ample lubrication making his hand job even better.

I shoved into him harder and harder. He would whimper each time my hips pounded his bottom. I was thrilled, in complete ecstasy, to hear his sounds. A high pitched moan often left his mouth followed by more whimpers of pleasure.

"Michael!" he moaned loudly. I didn't know exactly why until cum volleyed out of his cock, shooting up to his chest, then dribbling out onto his smooth stomach. I didn't cease the pace, but after his twitching eased up I focused more on my own orgasm.

Collin's stomach rose and fell rapidly. He was trying to catch his breath, but I wasn't helping much with my thrusts of purpose. I leaned back down, resting atop his body. Probing inside his mouth, I quickened my pace.

"Ready, baby?" I moaned in his mouth.

"Mhm," he whimpered. His continued whimpers threw me over the edge. I felt each shot that blew inside his ass. He held me down tightly as my hips gyrated into him trying to shoot deeper.

Thursday

"You can bring Collin if you'd like. He might even be able to play."

"I don't know, mom," I said. "I'm not sure if he'd be comfortable being put on the spot like that."

"He doesn't have to play if he doesn't want to, but he can at least come and eat. You know I always have tons of food leftover."

"Okay, I'll bring him, but I swear to God if you or anyone makes him feel unwelcome at all..."

"Don't worry so much, Michael." she countered quickly. "Think of this as a peace offering. I do feel bad about how I reacted at the barbeque."

"I already said I'd bring him. Just know that however much I love Bunco I will walk out if necessary."

"That's fine. Where are you now? Is he with you? Why don't you two come over for lunch?"

"Collin's at home and I'm working."

"Sounds awfully loud for work," she pointed out.

"I'm at the mall returning some of Jacob's clothes."

"You're getting rid of his clothes?"

"I donated his older stuff and I'm going to buy Collin some new stuff."

"All right, well, be here by seven tomorrow. You could come early and help me set up."

"We'll see you then."

After readying myself for work, I quietly emptied the closet of Jacob's clothes placing new items in a bag and older items in a cardboard box. It took a while for me to scrounge up the receipts to return the new clothes, but I finally found them in my work satchel. Before leaving the condo, I left Collin a note saying that I'd be home around four.

Mom called when I was going to the mall. She invited the two of us to Bunco tomorrow night. Bunco is a dice game that becomes very addicting. The game is based around luck, hence the dice. Mom started her own play group a few years back and the women who play are incredibly fun. Some are more eccentric than others, but all in all they're good people. Over the years players have been kicked out of the group for cheating or just because they don't show up on numerous occasions for the once a month game. Who wouldn't want to play, though? Bunco is like Yahtzee except the scoring is more simple. The second Friday of every month a different woman hosts the game at her house and provides food and drinks. The games last about an hour and a half to two hours and at the end of each prizes are awarded. I'll explain scoring and stuff to Collin when the time comes. Like I said, it's similar to Yahtzee, but simpler.

Instead of refunding Jacob's clothes, I was able to exchange them for different items. I grabbed several pairs of shorts and numerous shirts to go along with them. Jacket season is over so the only thing Collin needs still is a pair or seven of boxers. He could also use a new pair of shoes, but lately he's been wearing Jacob's. I guess if he wears his shoes it's okay. Shoes aren't such a big deal. Luckily Collin and Jacob are about the same size in every aspect of clothing. Collin, however, will probably gain weight the more he eats, but regardless his clothes should fit just fine.

Back at the office, I didn't have much to do again today. For the past couple of days I've noticed how slow it's become. Clients were considering offers and I haven't had a prospect in a while. Perhaps I'm losing my touch? Oh, God, I hope not. If things do go south for me, I've a nice amount of money saved in the bank, but believe me when I tell you money can run out fast. It's one of the curses of real estate. To be truly successful a person must not only be a good salesperson, but also a damn good budgeter. Sales can be few and far between. Since starting real estate I have been very lucky, and am very grateful that luck has been on my side.

Around three, I decided to drive around and search for new prospects. Going through the varied neighborhoods reminded me a lot about Jacob. Over our two year relationship, I had to work many Saturdays. He would occasionally attend my searches with me, but half way through we'd end up in an uninhabited area and have sex in the backseat. It was such a nice change having him with me. He made things so much more interesting.

What am I doing with Collin? Jacob's scent, his touch is beginning to fade away. Why would I want to forget about him, even subconsciously? Collin cannot be the answer to that question. He just can't be. Sure, he's a great kid and he's even better in bed, but Jacob was my soul mate. Um, was? I mean, he is my soul mate... A soul mate that isn't around to hold anymore, or to spoil rotten, or fall asleep with while watching one of his favorite movies. I can't do that with Jacob anymore and it's tearing me apart inside.

I had to pull off the road so that my erratic driving didn't draw unwanted and unneeded attention. The last thing I need is an accident on my hands, or worse, a death.

I reached in the back to fetch Jacob's journal, which sat in one of the satchel pockets. Collin mentioned on Monday that Jacob told him about homecoming. That's something I really need to read about just to make sure it's true.

October 10 2010

Homecoming was so much fun last night! It was way better than last year's dance. I wish Michael could've gone, but the stupid rule says he can't because he's over 20. I know he's going to do something crazy for prom though. I'll refuse to go unless he can. What's the point in going if I can't be with my soul mate? If he flashes some money I'm sure he'll be able to.

There was a downer last night. Grace. She's been so weird and jealous ever since Michael came in the picture. It's been almost two years and she's still acting like that. But at homecoming she crossed a line. She made me dance with Jeremy. I couldn't believe she even suggested it! I was so pissed off. And for some reason...I danced with him. The dance wasn't sexual at all just a normal old dance. We didn't kiss and right after the song ended we split up. I don't know why I did it. I regret it big time. I'd never cheat on Michael EVER!!! He means so much to me and it would be the biggest mistake of my life if I were to be disloyal to him.

I'm sorry for dancing with him Michael. I swear to God it meant nothing. It was just a dance. I wish it could've been you I danced with. Maybe at prom if we get our way you can have your turn. If you can't go then I won't go either. There's no way I'm spending my final prom without you.

Too bad he won't ever read this :P Someday maybe, but not anytime soon. He's picking me up soon actually. I'm going to be extra friendly with him and skip the part about Jeremy when he asks how last night went. Michael's not stupid though so he'll probably figure something happened-I'm not the best liar. God I love that guy so freaking much.

I'll be damned. So Grace did push him to dance with another guy. Now I know for sure why he was incredibly loving when we spent a few hours together the day following homecoming, not that I was complaining. But the hard decision is here. What to do about Collin? He has nowhere else to go so asking him to leave is out of the question. But him staying can't do any good. Wait. Why am I even trying to decide on what to do about him? We're getting along so well. Jacob would want me to move on and be happy. Why am I fighting it so much? What if Collin is the new Jacob? Fuck! Too many God damn questions!

New decision.

Collin has to go.

With him gone, I can sort my life out.

Four o'clock rolled around faster than I would have liked. I hadn't figured out how to break the news to Collin. The only thing I did figure out was that I'd give him some money when he leaves. Perhaps some of the guilt will vanish along with him. Arriving home, the pain was overwhelming. Pain from both the memory of Jacob and the guilt of going through with the plan of kicking Collin out. The steps up to my condo seemed never-ending. One after the other after the other. Step. Step. Step. With each step came a new level of misery. I considered turning around and driving for however long it took to come to my senses. Collin doesn't deserve to be kicked out. He's been through enough pain. But before I completely lost my mind, I stopped at my door. I inserted the key into the door knob, twisted, then pushed the door open.

Collin poked his head out from the bathroom.

"Hi," he said cheerfully. "How was your day?"

His polite curiosity made water flush in my eyes. Come on, Michael. You can do this.

"Good," I replied with all simplicity. Hanging my satchel on a hook behind the door, the misery grew to unimaginable strength. I gritted my teeth forcing away the pain that was so close to escaping. "Collin," I shakily called out.

"Yeah, Michael?" he replied softly. I turned around slowly and he was almost right behind me. How does he do that? He's like a ninja.

"We need to talk," I solemnly muttered. The pain... The pain was so intense. It felt like my heart was being squeezed, suffocated from any amount of life. Collin is so innocent, so oblivious to what was about to happen.

I opened my mouth to speak, but no words came out. I know I looked like a fool standing with my mouth moving without any sound, eyes cast downward ashamed that I was even thinking of kicking him out. Then Collin did something completely surprising. He moved closer, enveloping me in his arms. His head pressed against the boniness of my once muscular shoulder. The pain became excruciating. I couldn't take it any longer.

"I'm sorry!" I screamed, clutching at him as to not let him escape. Within milliseconds, tears were dripping down my flaming cheeks like a Japanese bullet train.

What the fuck was I thinking!? I can't kick him out! I need him much more than he needs me. If I'm left alone now, I'll go straight back to drinking in order to deal with the misery. Collin provides me a safe alternative. He's just there. That's what he does for me. Just living with me is helping me move past the pain and sorrow. It's so clear now! Although we're pursuing something more than friendship Collin is still aiding in my recovery.

These feelings... They're so powerful. I feel like I'm invincible all of a sudden. The last time I felt like this was when me and Jacob became official. That was about the same time I fell in love with...

Oh, no, I couldn't possibly be falling in love with Collin already! It's impossible! No, not impossible. But improbable, definitely improbable. I've known him... Well, I don't recall how long we've known each other, but not long enough for sure. It's probably just my empty heart talking. My heart wants someone to love, but I know in my mind it's just not okay, yet.

Collin let me cry into his shoulder for as long as I needed, which was a long time really. About an hour if I'm not mistaken. His left shoulder was drenched with tears. Something surprising happened again. He reached up and wiped away the remaining tears on my face. Then he put a hand on the back of my neck rubbing up and down through my hair.

"Collin," I sighed from his touch. I've never felt this way from the simplest of touches he's given before. Looking down into his big, chocolaty eyes, they were puffy with moisture. His lip quivered.

Our lips met concurrently, then our tongues. He kept his hand cupped on the back of my head, running his fingers through my hair gently. I kept my hands idle not wanting to mess anything up. Normally I'm so confident, but suddenly with him I feel so weak. He must not have liked my idle hands, though, for with his lone hand he placed mine on his sides one by one. We tilted our heads, slowly, from side to side. The embrace was nice while it lasted, but the tears of sorrow couldn't be stopped. I kept my mouth closed, pressing our foreheads together. Again he wiped away the tears that were escaping.

"Dinner's probably cold by now," he spoke softly.

"What? You made dinner?" I was taken aback completely.

He blushed. "Well, it's nothing fancy."

"That's so sweet," The raging heart within seemed to skip a beat. "Thank you,"

"I, um, cleaned for you, too. I figured if I'm gonna stay here I should help you out. It's the least I can do for you."

"You don't owe me anything, but thank you again for the consideration."

"Come on, I'll get you some food."

Collin led me to the dining table and then retrieved some food for me. He made a box of that pasta he picked out at the store Monday. Him making dinner made me feel so warm inside. What was I thinking wanting to kick him out? I like Collin way too much to hurt him. Maybe, just maybe, things will be okay. Jacob would want me to be happy. That much I know for sure. He wanted me to befriend Collin anyways. Surely he must've considered the possibility that we'd end up connecting on a much deeper level. Could it be that Jacob planned that all along? Perhaps Collin and I becoming close was his plan to keep me happy. Jacob couldn't have been that crafty and...selfless. If he was planning for Collin and I to be together that must mean he was already letting me go. Before he even took his life he was letting me go! But...I don't know that for sure. I could just be going crazy. On the verge of a mental breakdown or not, the tears didn't need encouragement. They flowed freely, but at least I was able to silence the sobbing.

I swirled the fork in the noodles, bringing the food up to my mouth. But I was shaking so badly the noodles slipped right back into the bowl.

"Michael, are you all right?"

"I'm losing my mind," I sobbed violently into my hands.

Collin took me into the bedroom where he slowly undressed me. I simply stood as stiff as a corpse crying liberally. Layer by layer my clothes were taken off. He stopped at my boxers and helped me into bed where he crawled in next to me.

"What's wrong?" He kissed my shoulder tenderly.

"I... I just feel like...I'm going crazy. All this stuff going on and I have no control anymore." I released a heavy sigh, wiping away stray tears. "Jacob and I were soul mates. Now he's gone forever. And what scares the hell out of me most is you." I didn't need to see his face to know he was confused. "I like you so much, Collin. But it feels too soon to feel like that. But I want to feel like this, the liking you part not the crazy part."

"Maybe we shouldn't be doing this, Michael. I mean, I like you a lot too, but if this is causing you to feel that way, then this shouldn't happen."

"Collin, stop. I want to be here with you. I want to get closer to you. But I just hope that this doesn't scare you away, the craziness that can consume me."

"Actually I find it kind of sexy."

"Sexy?"

"Yeah, I don't know," he giggled.

"Well, I can't say for sure that the outbursts will stop any time soon, but I can promise you that I'll try my best to not be so hysterical."

"Don't even worry, Michael. I understand what's happened to you. That's bound to bring up a lot of emotions. So just don't worry about trying to remain calm or whatever. Freak out if you need to."

"Thanks, Collin," He kissed my shoulder again. An abrupt calm washed over me and for the first time since this morning I felt like a normal person. Hopefully tomorrow I continue to feel normal. That reminds me! "Oh, hey, I need to ask you something." I turned around and propped myself up on an elbow. "My mom invited us to Bunco tomorrow night. Would you like to go?"

"Bunco?"

"It's a dice game, real simple."

"I guess I'll go,"

"You don't have to. I told her that if there's any kind of unwelcoming attitudes, then I'll be the first to leave." He was about to reply when I remembered something else. "Oh, and I bought you some clothes, but they're out in the car. I'll go and get them a little later."

"New clothes? You bought me new clothes?"

"Yeah,"

"That...was very kind of you."

"No big deal, Collin."

"It is to me."

"Well, you're welcome then."

Perhaps tomorrow will be a normal day. But then again, who knows in this mad world?

Hope everyone enjoyed chapter eight. Feel free to join my group: Shades of Wisteria. Go vote for the next story I write while you're there! Oh, and don't forget about my instant messaging screen names! Don't worry about bugging me, either, because you WON'T. I love talking to my readers!

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