Date: Tue, 26 Oct 2004 17:48:18 EDT
From: ICONvsICON@aol.com
Subject: MARCUS AND KYLE Chapter Ten

A Shift in the Universe
Christian Mitchell Copyright 2004

CHAPTER TEN:

    For nearly four days I had been riding a wave of happiness and
satisfaction.  I learned to accept the fact that Kyle and I had not merely started to
experiment sexually with each other.  He and I had made a conscious decision to
be with each other.  We wanted to have a relationship that stretched beyond
friendship and cemented the strong love that we had for one another.  I had come
to terms with the fact that I might truly be gay in spite of everything.

    The high that I had started to become addicted to was quickly dissolving
into drama and pain.  I felt rejected by Kyle's parents.  Now Brandon was
demanding to know if I was gay.  I felt badly about how things were starting to
progress.  Yet, I did not want to play the role of victim.  I only wanted to be
happy and loved.   I wanted my friends to accept me and embrace the change
that I was going through.

    I told myself that I was an idiot for thinking that it would be easy to
announce that Kyle and I were in a romantic relationship.  I thought that we wer
e somehow better than all the other people who had to endure a level of
trauma when coming out to family and friends.

    Yes, very foolish of me, indeed.

    Brandon's text message really wounded me.  When I read it I instantly
felt a painful sensation throughout my body.  My eyes stung.  I realized that I
was quietly crying while I sat in the driveway.

    I resisted the urge to call Brandon right away.  I wanted to run to the
comforting arms of my mother instead.  I needed to feel the warmth of her
embrace and the wisdom of her words.  I knew that my parents would console me.

    When I walked into the house I was greeted by silence.  No one was home.

    I strolled through the house and stood in the living room.  I don't know
why I even went in there.  The emptiness I felt at that very moment was
overwhelming and I instantly burst into tears.

    I usually never cried about anything.  Of course I became sad from to
time but I was never really much of a crier.  My parents told me that when I was
baby I rarely cried at all.

    Walking toward the stairwell, I must have unleashed all the tears I
didn't cry over the years.  It was one of those uncontrollable bawling fits.  My
face was wet with tears as they rolled down my cheeks and fell from my chin to
the floor.  My nose was running.  When I wiped my hand under my nose it was
covered with a large amount of clear snot.

    I shook my head from side to side.  "What a fucking baby I am."

    I continued to talk to myself as I climbed the stairs.  "What the hell
did I do wrong?  Why would Mr. Levine treat me like shit?"

    All the thoughts flooding my head quickly escaped my lips.

    "God!  This is fucking pathetic!"  I shouted as I opened my bedroom door.
 "Get a fucking grip, Marcus!"

    I sat on the corner of my bed and ran my hands across my face.  "Fuck
you, Brandon!  Fuck you!"

    As I rested my head in the palm of my hands I willed myself to stop
crying.  Slowly the tears ceased to flow.  Although I had stopped crying I still
felt wounded and totally alone at that very moment.

    I sat there for a few minutes so that I could regain my composure then I
retreated to the bathroom to wash my face.

    When I looked in the mirror I was embarrassed and shocked by the sight
that greeted me.  My eyes were puffy and red.  My face was covered with dried
tears.  "God," I managed to laugh," I'm an ugly fucking crier."

    I decided to take a shower but I didn't even wash my body.  I simply
stood there like a zombie as the water rushed over me.  About five minutes later I
got out and dried myself off.  As I stood in the closet looking for something
to wear I heard the doorbell ring throughout the house.  Because I was still
naked I quickly threw on the jeans I had been wearing and rushed downstairs.

    The marble floor in the foyer was cold and I cursed myself for not
putting my socks on.

    Again the doorbell rang and I called out," just a second!"

    I was not prepared for whom I saw in front of me once I pulled open the
door.

    "Hey," Roger smiled.  "You don't look so good."

    I rubbed my eye.  "I know."

    I motioned for Roger to enter the house and he said," thank you."

    "So," I exhaled.  "What's up?"

    "I wanted to stop by and check on how you're doing."

    "I've had better days," I replied.

    "I'm sure," Roger grinned.  He followed me to the living room and sat on
the sofa.  His dark slightly long hair was hanging in front of his eyes.  He
brushed it aside.  I could see his blue eyes shine more brightly once they were
exposed to the light.  "Everyone is pretty worked up about you and Kyle."

    "What do you mean?"

    "Pretty much everyone is talking about it."

    "That figures," I sighed.  "Brandon sent me a text message to ask me if I
was a faggot.  So I'm sure he wasted no time telling everyone that Kyle and I
are gay."

    "Yeah, Brandon can certainly be an asshole from time to time.  And I'm
sure he called people right away to talk about you and Kyle."

    I could tell that Roger was trying to be somewhat more friendly and
smiley than usual.  He probably wanted to make me feel comfortable and less upset.

    I didn't say anything.

    "Well, I'm almost certain that it wasn't Brandon who jumped on the
bullhorn to announce that you and Kyle are a couple."

    "What makes you so sure about that?" I asked, slightly irritated.

    "Because Ashley told me.  And I got the impression that she was more or
less walking up to anyone and everyone that would listen."

    "What?" I exclaimed.  "When did she tell you that?"

    "Shortly after four o'clock."

    "Where?"

    "I had to finish a chemistry assignment so I was still at school."

    "What a fucking bitch!  She probably started telling everyone right after
she talked to Kyle.  She acted like she was fine with the news.  She didn't
seem to care too much."

    "Never underestimate a scorned woman," Roger replied.

    "Fuck!"

    My parents and Vanessa entered the living room.  They each had ice cream.

    "Marcus!" my mother complained.  "Try to refrain from using profanity too
much."

    "Sorry," I replied.

    Roger stood up and smiled at my parents.  "Nice to see you again."

    "How have you been, Roger?" my father asked.

    "Good.  I just dropped by to check on Marcus.  I have to get home before
my parents get upset with me for being out later than I said I would be."

    "Have a good night," my mother beamed.

    "Thank you.  You too."

    Vanessa went upstairs while my parents walked to the kitchen.

    "Hey," Roger smiled.  "Don't let all of this get to you, okay?"

    "I'll try," I frowned.

    "Listen, it's gonna be tough for a while.  I know we're not the best of
friends.  I mean, we don't always talk or hang out as much as you and your
other friends do.  But I'm here, if you need me."

    "Thanks."

    "That's what friends are for," he said as he began to walk toward the
front door.  He turned toward me and looked me up and down.  "I don't think I've
ever seen you with most of your clothes off."

    I looked at my bare feet and torso.  My jeans appeared to be hanging off
my hips.  I was slightly embarrassed.

    "I can see how easy it was for Kyle to fall for you," he smiled.

    "Hey," I playfully warned.  "I have a boyfriend."

    "That's what I heard," Roger laughed.  "Good night, Marcus."

    "Good night," I said as I closed the door behind him.

    I immediately walked to the kitchen.  My parents were finishing their ice
cream as they sat at the table.  "Oh, my God," I declared as I sat down.
"This has been the night from hell."

    "Why? What's wrong?" dad asked.

    "Kyle told his parents about us and Mr. Levine kicked me out of the
house."

    My father's eyes widened as he swallowed the last scoop of ice cream.
"He literally threw you out of the house?"

    "No.  He told me to leave.  And he wasn't very nice about it either."

    "That's a shame," my mother offered.  "I suspected that he might not be
too eager to accept the news, but I never imagined that he would kick you out
of the house."

    "He told Kyle that he didn't care if people were gay or not.  But he
didn't want a gay son."

    "What did he say to you?" dad questioned.

    "Not much.  He just wanted me out of the house.  So I left."

    My mother straightened her posture.

    "Well, I was going to leave but I was upset that his parents treated me l
ike shit so I went back."

    My parents exchanged glances then returned their focus on me.

    "I told him that I didn't appreciate being treated like that and that I
deserved better.  I mean, I've known Kyle's parents for over ten years.  They
loved me.  I never did anything to disappoint them or make them angry with me."

    My mother looked at me sympathetically.  "But now that Kyle wants to be
in a relationship with you, that makes you the enemy."

    "I guess," I shrugged.  "I just don't understand."

    "Parents go through life holding on to the images of how they want their
children to be.  And sometimes when things don't turn out they way they wish
it had, then it's hard to accept."

    "I know," I nodded.  "I just thought that Kyle and I wouldn't have this
many problems.  I didn't expect his father to react the way he did.  I can
understand it, if he's disappointed.  But I don't understand how he could treat
me that way."

    "Obviously he's very upset," my father said.  "You'll have to give him
some time, Marcus.  You can't place your expectations upon him.  Maybe your
mother and I can talk with Kyle's parents.  After they've had some time to calm
down."

    "I don't know," I responded.  "I'm not sure if that would do any good."

    "Well," mother sighed.  "We can give it a shot.  Let's wait out the week
and see how things are in a few days.  Okay?"

    I agreed.  "Brandon sent me a text message to ask me if I was a faggot."

    The only thing my mother said was," dear Lord."  She folded her hands on
the table and looked me in the eye.  "Marcus, this is not going to be easy at
all.  Some of your friends are going to be hurt and upset by the news.
Sometimes people surprise us because we go through life confident that we know who
they are.  Then we discover that we really didn't know them well at all.  Some
of your friends are going to be just like that.  You're going to realize who
you can depend on and who can't."

    "Your mother's right, Marcus.  It's going to be hard to accept the fact
that some of your friends really may not be the best people to surround
yourself with.  It may not seem like it, but this is a blessing in disguise."

    I sighed heavily.  "I'm beginning to think that Kyle and I should have
kept this to ourselves.  We should have told Ashley that she was wrong and
didn't know what she was talking about."

    "It's over and done now," mom replied.  "Don't stir your life with
should have, would have or could have.  Take responsibility for the decisions you
make and march forward."

    I nodded my head in agreement.  "And I just found out that Ashley is the
one who has been telling everyone about me and Kyle.  According to Roger she
was talking to anyone who would listen."

    "Marcus, I'm sure the rest of this week is going to be painful.  There
are going to be bad moments that you're not prepared for.  But there will be
some good moments, too.  You'll be defending yourself but I know that some of
your friends are going to lend their support."

    "I hope so."

    "They will," my father said.  "Your mother and I here to support you one
hundred percent.  If there's anything that we can do to make it easier for you
and Kyle, we're willing to do it."

    "Thank you," I whispered.

     "Have you talked to Kyle since you left his house?" mom asked.

    "No."

    "I suggest you do that," she smiled as she placed her hand on mine.
"Check to make sure that he's okay.  He probably wants to hear from you.  And I
know that you'll feel better once you hear his voice.  You're in this together,
you know."

    "Yes," I answered.  "I know."

    "Then go ahead and do it.  Try to forget about everything that's happened
tonight and be there for each other.  Even if it requires you to meet
tonight, then do it.  You need each other right now."

    I looked at my parents and nodded my head several times as I absorbed
everything that they had said to me.  "Okay."


    Once I had returned to my bedroom I picked up my cell phone.  The panel
indicated that I had missed seven phone calls.  I shook my head and took a deep
breath.

    Kyle answered the phone immediately.  "Hey," he said in a gentle tone.
"How are you doing?"

    "Well, I'm doing the best I can," I replied.  "Have you talked to anyone?"

    "I haven't answered my phone at all.  But it's been ringing.  Everyone's
trying to get in touch with me."

    "Me, too," I replied.  "Did you get a nasty message from Brandon?"

    "Funny thing is that the only voicemail I had was from Brandon.  He was
screaming into the phone."

    "What did he say?"

    "Don't you fucking answer the phone anymore, faggot?"

    I rolled my eyes.  "He sent me a text message asking me if I was a
faggot."

    "What an asshole," Kyle sighed.

    "And you won't believe who showed up on my doorstep."

    "Who?"

    "Roger," I said.  "He wanted to see how I was doing."

    "You're kidding!" Kyle responded with curiosity and excitement.
"Obviously someone told him about you and me."

    "Yeah," I replied.  "Your ex-girlfriend."

    "What!" he shouted.  "That fucking bitch.  Oh, my God.  I can't believe
her.  She fucking lied to me.  She tricked me into believing that she was fine
with everything."

    "Yeah, but now everyone including you and me knows that she's not fine
with it.  I guess this is her way of seeking revenge."

    Kyle hesitated to say anything.  "I'm sorry, Marcus.  I don't want you
to feel bad or get hurt."

    "It's okay, Kyle.  As long as you're by my side, then I'm fine.  We're
both going to feel bad and get hurt.  There's nothing we can do but confront
whatever comes our way."

    "Yeah," he replied.  "And that will be bright and early in the morning."

    I nodded my head but didn't actually say anything.  "How are you doing?"

    "I'm fine.  My dad has pretty much ignored me by staying in his office.
I guess he's been talking to my mother because she's mostly been in there
with him."

    "My offer still stands, if you need to come over here then just show up."

    "Thanks," he replied.  "I'll be fine.  I'm going to go to bed soon."

    "Me, too.  I'm exhausted."

    "What time are you going to school tomorrow."

    "I haven't thought about it."

    "Well, call me when you're on your way so I can get there at the same
time.  If there's going to be any bullshit I want to be there with you."

    I chuckled," okay.  I'll call you."

    "Get some sleep," he said.

    "You, too.  Sweet dreams."

    "Sweet dreams to you, too," he replied.  "I love you."

    "I love you more."