Date: Fri, 9 Dec 2011 03:03:41 -0500 From: Jesse Jesse Subject: Matthew, My Love Pt 15 Never would I have believed that I could truly be happy again, after what had taken place between myself and Matthew those months back. How many months had it been now? Gosh, seven months! Christmas had come and gone for another year, and we were now into the new year. It's an amazing and sad thing how time seems to slip so quickly away from us, yet here I was, and I couldn't remember a time when my life had seemed happier. Drew and I hardly spent the eight hours we slept apart from each other. I had a job and an apartment working for my cousin, and as hard as it was for me to believe, I was already looking down the road toward graduation. Graduation. It didn't seem possible. Four long years of high school, only about the last year and a half being enjoyable, were finally coming to a close. Yet as excited as I was to get out of the hell-hole that was local high school, one thought haunted me. What would happen between Drew and myself? Would we be able to keep out relationship going? Because of my "braniac abilities," as Matthew had told me more times that I could remember to count, I'd already been offered a scholarship at one of the best universities in the south, which just happened to be about fifty miles away from home. The scholarship would allow for me to spend two years at local community college, to get prerequisites out of the way, so I wouldn't have to be leaving quite so soon. Drew, however, was a different story. As I'd found out, he'd almost always struggle with academics, barely making B's, let alone any for of A grade. I knew he'd have a much harder time finding any for of scholarship outside athletics. We'd already spent many evenings pouring over schools that offered any for of athletic scholarship, trying to find ways to be as close to each other as would be possible. How my heart went out to Drew. It wasn't that he was your stereotypical "dumb jock." He was a very attentive student, but his downfall came in understanding notes and directions taken in class. More times than I could count, I'd seen him stare at his own handwriting, cursing under his breath, as he tried to remember what his math or science teacher had said about a particular subject. I tried to help him study and comfort him, but he seemed so tense. It was as though it was the end of the world for him. Jitters about graduation could wait to be sorted out, however, for something very important was coming up, the "Winter Social." Cheesy as the name sounded, for our little high school it was one of the highlights of the year, not nearly as ritzy as Prom or Homecoming, but a break from the long, cold winter bleak anyway. What was the Winter Social? Put simply, the Winter Social was anything we as students wanted it to be. My freshman year had seen the gymnasium decked out in hay bales and plaid flannels for a country styled dance. Tenth grade had been a Hawaiian luau, and last year had seen the gym flooded with disco lights and mirror balls for a 70's dance. This year had been decided to be a costume party. Drew and I had jokingly argued for several days as to what we were going to be. "No, we have to match!" "Alex, please don't ask me to wear that!" "Come on, sweets. Let's do it together." "Oh, please don't ask me to put that piece of shit on. I'll look like a freaking fool!" So finally giving up on coming to an agreement of anything as a pair, Drew and I had agreed to dress separately. That night brought more laughs than I could remember in a while. My best friend, Kyle, came as "Mario" from the old Nintendo game, yet being almost six and a half feet tall, and weighing 130 soaking wet, all anyone really saw were his white shins sticking out the ends of his overalls. Drew had decided to come as Roman, another humorous picture, his toga exposing his massive chest, making the girls swoon. I had decided to convict. I'd had an old Halloween costume from a couple of years back left in an old box full of junk. How clever I'd felt when I'd had the idea for myself to go dressed as the convict and Drew to dress as a warden. What I hadn't expected was regretting this decision, even though Drew had dressed as something else, from shortly after arriving at the party. We'd not been at the party more than half an hour when there were sudden gasps from behind me. Turning to see what had caused such a stir, I saw very quickly what had rendered such attention. Framed in the doorway, dressed in an orange jumpsuit matching perfectly to mine stood Matthew, but that wasn't all. There was someone else with him, a girl. Though Matthew and I had broken up some time back, both feeling hurt and betrayed by the other, never had I felt so sorry for someone than I felt for him that night. Matthew was trying his hardest to smile and act natural, but the discomfort and shame were written all over his face, and for good reason. The brunette standing behind showed every bit of the seven months pregnant that she was, but that wasn't what had grabbed the attention. Seven months pregnant belly and all, the girl had come in a genie costume, a very revealing costume. The costume's bikini top barely contained the girl's boobs, let alone the sight of the sheer bottoms that hardly covered her ass, all while showing a swelled pregnant belly, but the girl showed no signs of concern for the looks and frowns that she warranted as she made her way through the gym. Indeed, never in my life had I had more of an impression of someone being a slut than the girl that I saw marching across the dance floor, barking over her shoulder at Matthew as she went. "Matthew, get your ass over here! I want something to eat." He said nothing, but made his excuses to the friends he'd been talking to and followed the girl towards the snack table. How my heart broke for him. I knew those looks and what they meant, humiliation, shame. Matthew was ashamed of this girl, or at least of bringing her here like this. Whatever the shame his face showed to my experienced eye, his devotion to her was remarkable and admirable. The girl had merely to point and he saw to it that her plate was loaded with whatever she desired, ending up walking away from the table trying to balance two plates and a cup of punch. Though she made her way to a seat far beyond my hearing, her scowl told that she was not saying anything of a friendly nature to him. I watched in heartbreak for him as he pointed towards some of his friends, only to have her gesture wildly, scowl a terrible frown, point at her abdomen, and Matthew ultimately relent and sit beside her. "Alex?...Alex?...earth to Alex!" The hand waving in front of my eyes finally broke me from my horrible reverie. "I'm sorry. What did you say?" "I said are you okay? You look a little frazzled." Turning to purposely avoid staring at Matthew and his date any longer, I tried to focus my attention on Drew. "I'm sorry, babe. Just a little out of it." He stared at me intently. "Do I have to guess why?" "What do you mean?" "I mean you've stared at them since they came through the door." My face flushed. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean it to ignore you. Forgive me?" "Go talk to him." "What?" "You heard me. Go talk to him." "Drew, hon, what are you talking about?" "Alex, you're obviously upset at seeing him with her...now, don't argue with me. I'm not implying anything. I'm just saying. You told me plain that you'd always have a special place for him in your heart, and it's obvious to everyone of us watching she's a bitch. Go talk to him. Make sure he's okay." "Drew, I really don't think I should. What will people think?" "Oh, for the love of...Fine! If you're that worried I'm gonna be jealous, let's go together!," and with that he grabbed my hand and jerked me with him as we crossed to the other side of the gym. "Hey Matt, what's happening?" Even with the history between the three of us, Matthew looked genuinely relieved to have someone else to talk to. "Oh, hey Drew. How you doing, man?...Hello Alex." I nodded, not knowing how else to greet him, but I didn't have to worry about it for long. Matthew's speaking my name caught the girl's attention and she suddenly spoke. "Alex? You're Alex, like the Alex he never shut's up about?" I could've jumped off a bridge. My face felt like it was melting. "Well, I'm Alex. I don't know about..." "Oh, you're the one. He said you'd ran off and left him for somebody else. Can't say as I blame you. He's not the most help in the world. Can be a total asshole at times. Will be so glad when this baby's outta here, and I can be rid of him." As I stared from the girl to Matthew, I couldn`t help but feel how ironic his choice of costumes. Though a child is in no way a prison, the girl sitting next to him now probably made him feel he was ball-and-chained! "Now, wait just a minute! Look's to me like he's been a complete gentleman to you, and all you've done is bitch!"...It wasn't my voice. Who'd said it?...Drew! Drew had spoke up for Matthew?!?! I couldn't believe what I was hearing. "Now, listen. I don't know what you're feeling, being pregnant and all, but I do know that Matthew's one of my dearest friends. He and I were best friends since kindergarten, and I don't appreciate you bitching on him the whole time you've been here!" I couldn't believe what I was hearing, nor it appeared could Matthew. "Thanks Drew. I appreciate that." "You're welcome. Listen, man. Just because we all three did stupid things doesn't mean I ever stopped being your friend!" It seemed Drew's speech had silenced the slut, at least while she was at the dance. I still couldn't wrap my mind around the whole thing. Drew, usually so easygoing and even-tempered had finally hit his breaking point when the girl had started badmouthing Matthew. Drew never ceased to amaze me. It was hard to comprehend that, after all that had happened between the three of us, Drew still found such love for his old friend, but that was one of the reasons I loved him! "Drew?" "Mmm-hmm?" "What happened over there a while ago?" He chuckled as he pulled me closer. "I guess I just realized what you told me all that time back about always loving people, even after you've parted ways. Matthew and I may never been the best friends we were back when, but he's still my friend, and I don't want some slutty bitch talking shit about him!" "Drew?" "Yes?" "I'm glad you feel that way. You know that's one of the reasons I love you, don't you?" "What do you mean?" "Because you have such a big heart." Drew was silent for the longest time. "Alex?" "Yes?" "There's something I need to tell you, something important. Can we go somewhere a little more private?" My stomach churned at the serious tone in his voice. "I guess. What's wrong?" "Let's go somewhere we can talk." Five minutes later we were strolling across the frozen grass of the football field. The full moon hanging in the winter sky shone silver on the grass around us, highlighting the serious look on Drew's face. He said nothing, staring into some far away place that I could not see. "Drew, what's wrong?" "Alex, I didn't want to have to tell you this now. I was hoping to wait a few weeks, but for some reason I feel like I need to tonight." My stomach dropped. This could not be good. Though I knew I was being selfish, my first though was "now what?" "Alex, I'm leaving." I tried to laugh to hide my nerves. "You're what?" "I'm leaving, moving more truthfully. We're moving away." "When?" "Next month. Uncle Thomas told me last week." "But why?" "Well, at first it was only because he's been offered a promotion, but I got a letter yesterday granting me an athletic scholarship to ETSU." "But, then why not wait the school year out and then move?" "Because Uncle Tom want's me settled in Tennessee before I start college...Alex, I'm so sorry. I should've told you before now. I wanted to, really I did, but I just couldn't." This could not be happening again. Not again, twice in a row. Sure I'd not allowed myself to fall in love with someone, only to have them ripped from me! Though tears of heartbreak flowed down my cheeks, another emotion rose from somewhere deep within; resentment. "So that's the way it work's, huh? Just wait until you can't wait any longer to tell me? That's pretty fucked up, you know!" "Alex, listen to me..." "No! Don't try to explain this in some way that you think will make me feel better. Don't treat me like some kind of five year old!" Drew's own cheeks were wet as he spoke. "Alex, don't you think I wanted to tell you? Don't you think this has been eating my heart out? Why do you think I've been so edgy lately?"... This couldn't be happening again! "So, what am I supposed to do while you're gone? Do you expect me to just be `okay' with this?" Drew's answer caught me totally off guard. "No, I don't expect anything of you. I never have." Though I knew he was trying to be truthful with me, I didn't want give up. Some terrible, twisted rage urged me on. "Oh, no. You've never expected anything! You just wanted me to start screwing around with you, after you're the bastard who fucked my life up royally to begin with! I can't..." Though he wasn`t angry like before, Drew was starting to grow impatient. "Now, just hold it! Let's get something strait. I'll admit we both `fucked up royally' that night. No, I'm not gonna try to deny that, but am I the one who went off and left you for some bitch and get her pregnant? Am I the one who went tearing off to some distant relative's house before I knew the whole story? No! I've tried to be completely honest with you from the beginning how I felt about you, and I don't appreciate you trying to make this about me, just because you're upset I'm leaving." Though his words stung bitterly because of how truthful they were, I wasn't about to let him get the last word in. "So I just leave before I know the whole story, then? Is that it? Well, how's this story? I hate you! I can`t believe you would do this to me. You`re as bad as Matthew, but at least he had a kid. At least he did ..."... Drew stood stony faced, though his eyes shown with hurt. "So that's what this is about? Matthew?...Somehow I knew this would happen. I guess this is what all that shit about `never stopping loving him' was really all about? "Drew, listnen..." "How fucking stupid I've been all these months. All those looks and glances when we passed him in the halls. Tonight you practically stared a hole through him. If looks could've killed, that girl he's with would've already been carried out! Well, don`t worry. I'll leave you alone, and after his kid`s born, you can have him back."