Michael’s Ghost

or, On Becoming a Man

by SoQueer

This story is dedicated to Andrew Hollerand.

This is a work of fiction. It is, however, based at least in part on real people and a few actual events. Many of the conversations represented here took place. Having experienced the joys of being outed in public by another myself, I have taken the liberty of changing the names and altering the events enough to hopefully prevent anyone from being embarrassed.

As always, this story is intended for an adult audience interested in Gay erotic literature. If you are not of legal age--that's eighteen in the US--or are offended by depictions of homosexuality or what homosexuals do when you're not around, then I strongly request that you find another place to surf. This story remains the property of the author and may not be reprinted in part or in whole without my permission.

I've been informed that I inadvertantly left my email address off the last installment. If you have any questions or comments, please contact me at soqueer@excite.com

Love and a wet kiss, SoQueer.

Chapter 2

I hardly slept the next two nights. By Thursday night I was cursing my witlessness in suggesting David and I delay getting together until Friday night. The days drug past, and the nights didn’t seem to pass at all. I spent so much time in the bathroom Wednesday jerking off that my mother thought I was coming down with something.

Late Friday morning I awoke from dreaming about David. He was spinning me around, his hands caressing me, and his lips snatching kisses with each turn. His laughter became music, and I danced for him. I was naked for him and he for me. From time to time our bodies would melt together, and we would become each other. And then I would climb up on him and shower him with my cum.

I climbed out of bed and pulled on my clothes. There was a light rain falling outside, so I said a little prayer of thanksgiving that I wouldn’t have to do any yard work. I wanted to be fresh and alert when David picked me up. I made my way to the kitchen and grabbed the milk carton out of the refrigerator. I turned the carton up and downed it in a couple of gulps. I only drank it this way to piss off my mother. By the time I swallowed the last of the milk I heard my her yelp in the background. Bingo! I thought. I got to her again.

“Honestly, Mark!” She said in her most aspirated voice. “I don’t see why you can’t use a glass like a normal person!”

“’Cause I ain’t normal, that’s why!” I answered playfully. “Besides, then you’d complain about all the dirty dishes!” We bantered back and forth like that all morning. It had been a long time since we had cut the fool together. She had grown so serious about everything I said and did of late, so I had all but given up joking around with her.

I sat down next to her at the kitchen table. Mom was peeling potatoes for dinner (that’s ‘lunch’ if you don’t live in the South). We had both grown quiet, and I enjoyed a chance to sit with her in silence.. “Mom,” I said finally, “I know I give you a lot to worry about, but I don’t mean to. I know you care about me. I care about you, too.”

She sighed. “I guess I don’t want you to grow up. It won’t be long now and some sweet thing is going to steal your heart away from me. You won’t be my precious little boy any more.” She put down the knife. “Just be careful, OK?”

“I will, Mom,” I said and put my hand over hers briefly. I got up and poured myself a glass of tea. “Oh! By the way, I’m supposed to ride over with some friends tonight and get some pizza, so I won’t be here for supper.” I thought it sounded better if I was going as part of a group.

I saw her eyes flare up. “Which friends?”

"Oh, just some of the guys. Mrs. Fambrough’s grandson is supposed to pick me up around six. We’ll meet some of the other guys over there.”

“Is that Gibbs boy going to be there?” I knew exactly who she meant. I hung around him some right after I realized I wanted to have sex with guys. Rumor had it he gave blow jobs. There wasn’t any truth to it, though. He was straight. I found out later that the guy who told me the rumor was the one who put out...

“Not that I know of. I don’t see much of him anymore. He was kinda strange!” That was no understatement. His bedroom was painted flat black and he like to torture his sister’s dolls. It didn’t take me long to realize he wasn’t my type. Charles Manson’s, maybe, but not mine.

“Who is this boy who’s picking you up? Do I know him?”

“I don’t think so. He’s Mrs. Fambrough’s grandson. He’s staying with her for the summer. He was the one I helped with the tire the other day.” I cringed inside. Now she knew I hadn’t known him long, and my mother was not a trusting soul. “You’ll like him,” I said not too quickly. And someday, I thought, maybe you can be the hostess at our wedding.

“Is he a nice boy?”

Nice? He’s incredible. Have I told you how beautiful his body is? He’s so nice Mom. He’s wonderful. You’ll fall in love with him. I did! And the sex is hot, too. “He’s OK, I guess,” I said aloud. “I wouldn’t be going with him if I didn’t think so.” And GOD did I think so!

She sighed her reluctant approval, and I knew I had my way. We kept up the small talk, and every so often my end of the conversation would drift back to talking about David. We ate lunch together, and afterwards I helped her with the dishes. Later that afternoon I realized I had talked of practically nothing but David for several hours. Get a clue, Mom!

I was sitting on ready at five o’clock. I sat out on the front porch in my favorite rocker. I didn’t want to take any chances that David would go to the wrong house, so I perched myself there to watch for him. I replayed my instructions to him in my head over again and again to be sure I gave him the right directions. It was warm and muggy after the rain, and before long I grew drowsy...


I panicked when I saw him. David was naked! He was walking up the sidewalk toward my house completely naked!. His thickening cock swung gently back and forth with each step. His muscles moved effortlessly under his satin skin. He came up on the porch, picked me up out of my chair, and wrapped me up in his strong arms. His lips met mine, and we kissed. I heard my mother inside the house crying softly over the man who was stealing my heart away from her. David drew back from me and smiled. He laughed, and started shaking me.


I opened my eyes. David was shaking me. “Wake up, Dude!” he said. “It’s time to go.”

“Damn! I fell asleep.”

“You must have been dreaming about me,” he whispered and pointed to the all-too-obvious bulge in my pants. “I seem to have that effect on you.”

“Yeah. You do.” I said and smiled at him. I motioned to the rocker next to me and told him to sit down. “I’ve gotta let this thing die down. My mom wants to meet you, and I’d just as soon do it without any special effects!” He laughed. It only made my dick harder. “Stop laughing. It’s not helping any!”

David reached over and patted my bulge. I nearly shot off. “Maybe I like things just the way they are,” he said with a grin.

“Well!” I heard my mother say through the screen door. David quickly snatched his hand away. “So this is your little friend!"

The embarrassment of my mother’s comment insured that my dick would get soft--rapidly. I hid myself behind David as best I could and stood up. David, thankfully, stood up too, and he kept himself between us. “Mom, this is David Fambrough. David, this is my mother-- Doris Day.” He turned and looked at me. I knew the question before he opened his mouth. “Seriously. Her name is Doris.”

“Really, Marky!” Why do mothers insist on embarrassing their sons? “I was very proud the day your father asked me to marry him! Becoming ‘Doris Day’ was half the reason I said yes!” She beamed.

I got David away from her clutches as quickly as I could. It occurred to me half way through the grilling that I hadn’t told David my last name. Neither had I given him any preparations for my mother’s persona. At least she didn’t try to sing for him! When we got out to the truck David pulled me aside. “Are you OK with this?”

“Yeah. You?”

“I’m here, aren’t I?” He opened the passenger door for me. “Marky!”

“You ever call me that again and you die!”

The restaurant was crowded. We waited until a booth cleared out and took our place. David looked so handsome sitting across from me. We found ways to touch each other without being noticed by the crowd. Soon a waitress came over and took our order. She was unquestionably attracted to David, and she giggled every time he spoke to her.

“There went her tip,” I said flatly as she left. David’s eyes sparkled at me. I felt something beside me and looked down to see his bare feet in the seat on either side of me. He had slipped off his sandals and was caressing me with his toes. I dropped my hands to his ankles and started playing with his feet. He was wearing shorts, so I was able to play with the hair on his leg, too.

David’s face began coloring. I could tell by his expression that his dick was hard. I slipped off one of my shoes and placed my foot between his thighs. He dropped a foot to the floor and sank further down in his seat with his legs spread apart. Soon I found the hardness I was searching for, and I began rubbing it with my toes. David’s breathing grew more rapid. He swallowed hard and squirmed in his seat. He reached out across the table and pushed down on my hand, signaling me to slow down. Before long he pulled his hand away and I took up tugging and pulling on what was obviously the engorged head of his dick.

We were both caught off guard when the giggling waitress brought out our pizza. David smiled and gave her a wink. She nearly dropped the pan. His face was flushed with desire, and his eyes were radiant in their blueness. His lips were swollen and pouty from the chewing he had just given them while struggling not to shoot off. I looked up at her, and her face was flushed, too. David seemed to have the same effect on everyone.

David blushed after she left and sat up straight in his seat. “That was too close!” He whispered “I didn’t see her ‘till she was here.” I pulled my foot down and slipped my shoe back on. He dropped a hand in his lap and winked at me. I felt my own cock leap in my pants. I looked down and saw it clearly outlined through the thin material of my pants. No doubt the giggly waitress saw it when she brought the pizza.

David and I looked at each other, and we both burst out laughing. She had seen his hard on, too.

We ate our pizza slowly. It was cold by the time we finished. Outside the sun had set, and the street lights had come on. We didn’t care about the time. We were enjoying each other’s company. It felt so good not to have to put on the straight act with each other. For the first time in my life I was able to be completely open and honest with another man. He in turn spoke frankly with me. I had to fight not to get lost in his eyes. I wanted to hear his every word. It all seemed so important--what he had done that day, his favorite foods, the books he’d read, what the beach looked like on foggy mornings--all of it carried such weight.

The no-longer-giggly waitress came over and interrupted our conversation. She was impatient to get us out of the booth as there was a line waiting to get in. We had been there several hours, and she seemed to understand there would be no tip.

We settled up and left the restaurant. Once again, David opened the truck door for me. It dawned on me that he was treating me like we were on a date, and I felt a lump form in my throat. He slid into the seat next to me and slipped the key in the ignition. I put my hand on his, stopping him from cranking the engine.

“Thank you,” I said softly.

“What for?

“Tonight,” I said. “I’ve had a good time.”

David smiled nervously. “The night’s not over yet.”

“I know. I just wanted you to know how much I’ve enjoyed it. I don’t care if we do anything later or not. I just want to be with you.”

David wrapped his fingers around mine and held my hand in silence. He was staring at the dash board with that far-away look again. I was so scared he’d pull away, but he kept holding my hand as if it were an anchor. Without looking up he said, “Mike told me once that I was the kind of guy who’d see someone some day, and my heart would skip a beat, and then I’d know that was the one for me.” He looked up into my eyes. A tear rolled down his cheek. “I always kinda figured it’d be a girl”

My heart was beating too hard. The blood was rushing in my ears, and I couldn’t hear. “What are you saying?” I asked.

“I’m saying I don’t care if we do anything later or not. I just want to be with you. I want to hold you in my arms. I want to know you’re real.”

I don’t know how long we sat there. I kept my eyes locked on his. All around us people came and went, but we just sat there silently taking in the moment. Minutes turned into years and burned there way into my memories. From time to time a silent tear would roll down his cheeks. I reached up at last and touched the damp traces where they had run. David rolled his head into my hand, and without realizing what I was doing I pulled him to me. Our lips met, and the world around us disappeared. I didn’t care who saw. I was in love.

David pulled away. “I, uh...” he stammered. “We’d better go.” He cranked the engine and we headed home. As we drove away he patted the seat next to him. “Sit next to me. I want to hold you.”

I slipped over in the seat and pressed my body close to his. He was so warm. He put his right arm around me and pulled me even closer. I laid my head on his shoulder and lightly kissed his neck. My hands drifted to the bare skin below his shorts, and I slowly rubbed my hands back and forth along the hairy skin. I was mesmerized by the sensation of all that hair, of how it tickled my palms as I ran them along the inside of his thighs, and how hard the act of touching him was making me. I found his earlobe with my mouth and gently nibbled and sucked on it. I felt it heat up in my mouth as David moaned softly. He spread his legs apart, and I cupped the impressive bulge in his crotch. I traced out the length of his hard on with my fingertips, playing with the ridge at the base of the head, then using my fingernails to scratch my way back to the base. David was writhing in pleasure.

“Whoa!” he said, shaking himself. “Slow down. I gotta drive.”

“That’s easy for you to say,” I said jokingly. “You’re not the horny one!” I took my hand off his crotch but stayed close to him. He ran his fingers through my hair, and traced the edges of one ear. He took my earlobe between his thumb and forefinger and gently tugged on it. Any doubts I had about what we were going to do later disappeared quickly. I was ready to rip his clothes off right then and there. “Is there some place we can go?” I asked.

“We’re already headed in that direction. I wasn’t going to let you get away from me without seeing that incredible body of yours again.” I put my hand back on the inside of his thigh and absent mindedly started playing with the hair on his leg. “But if you don’t quit playing with my legs I’m going to have to stop this truck and have my way with you in the middle of the road!”

“Promises, promises!”

The Fambrough farm was north of Boston. It was a four hundred and ninety acre tract of mixed cropland and woods. We drove down a lane on the back side of the place to a compound of tobacco barns and equipment shelters. David pulled the truck up under the tallest one of the shelters. I could just make out a set of stairs in the dim light off to my right. David climbed out of the truck and went around to my door and opened it for me. He took my hand in his and led me upstairs to a loft room. “My granddad used to use this to sleep in when they were curing tobacco. I came down and cleaned it up a little yesterday. It’s not much, but it’s private.”

I looked around the room. There was an old desk against the wall, and over in the corner an old iron bed was set up under the windows. David had put fresh sheets on the old cotton mattress. I took him in my arms and kissed him softly on the lips. “It’ll do just fine. I don’t care where we are as long as we’re together.”

David pulled my T-shirt out of my pants and ran his hands underneath. His mouth found mine as he played with my back. One hand slid down and slipped down inside the back of my pants. I reached between us and undid the button, and he slid my pants to the floor. His hands cupped my ass, pulling my crotch into his. He was hard, and the material of his shorts ground into my own raging erection.

David pushed my underwear to the floor, and I stepped free of them. He wrapped both his arms around me, gently lifted me off the floor. and carried me to the bed and sat me down. I pulled off my shirt and lay back on the bed, naked but for my socks, my hard on dancing in the moonlight coming through the windows. David laid down on top of me still fully clothed. His tongue found my ear, and I heard him whisper softly, “You’re so beautiful. I don’t want you to ever wear clothes again.”

No one had ever called me beautiful before. I pushed him back far enough to see his face. He was smiling at me. He laughed and bent down to steal another kiss. I pushed him away again. “Sit up,” I whispered. He sat straddling my thighs, and ran his hands up along my arms. He put a thumb on either nipple and began massaging them in circles, delighted by the response my throbbing cock was giving him. Pre-cum was dripping on my belly, and the head was bouncing up and down with each tug he made on my erect tits. I reached up and undid his button-down shirt, and slipped it from his shoulders. He threw it off and then rolled off of me, lying on his back next to me. I rolled over on him, and kissed his chest. I licked a one nipple and then the other, pausing only to take one of the little buds in my mouth. I licked and sucked each one, occasionally taking one in my teeth and chewing gently.

David’s hips bucked under me. His hands played with my hair, pulling my face into his tit each time I bit down. I pulled free of him and sat up, a leg on either side of him. I played with his chest, and then drew my hands down to his pants. I undid the button, and slowly slid the zipper down. I could feel the hot hardness within. David lifted his hips off the sheets, and I pulled his pants and underwear off.

His naked body lay before me. His legs were covered with a profusion of soft blond hair. His broad thighs set off the narrowness of his waist. His dick grew out of a forest of red-brown hair set in a band of white around his middle. His dick was so hard that it jutted up away from his body even though he was lying on his back. It was about seven and a half inches in length and circumcised. His washboard stomach moved gently with each breath, his broad, well-defined chest glistened where my tongue had been.

David pulled me to him. I lay on top of him, my hard on pressed firmly against his, our nipples rubbing against each other. I kissed his lips and felt his tongue push its way inside. I sucked it in and ran my tongue into his mouth, as well. Our hips began slowly moving against each other. His hands explored my body from the hair on my head to my ass. I was on fire everywhere he touched me. His hard on was like a fire poker jammed against my belly. I broke of the kiss and took David’s earlobe in my mouth. I heard his breath whimpering in short gasps. I knew he was close. I picked up the rhythm with my hips, bucking wildly against him, his own hips thrusting upward to meet mine. David spread his legs apart and wrapped them around mine, pulling me into him with each lunge upward. I reached up and tweaked one of his nipples. I was close. I dove into another kiss just in time to muffle David’s groan. I felt molted lead spilling out of him and spreading across my stomach. It was too much. My hard on swelled as I blasted my load between us.

We were both gulping our breaths. I slid off to one side, and David put a protective arm around me, his fingers smoothing my hair. He was so warm and comforting lying there next to me. I buried my head in his chest and fell asleep.


I was looking in the mirror and talking to myself, but I couldn’t hear what I was saying. The face in the mirror was so sad, and yet I was struck by the beauty. My auburn hair was swaying in a breeze as if I were standing on a beach. My green eyes were darkened by the light of the overcast skies behind me. I could see waves breaking in the distance. My soft, red lips were trying to tell me something, something my reflection wanted me to know. At last in sudden revelation I heard and understood. “Wake up, you idiot! You’re going to be late!”

Both my parents were there to greet me when I opened the front door. “All right, young man! Let’s hear it!” my father said with practiced sternness.

“I’m sorry. I know its late.”

“Its two a.m. is what it is,” my mother said in a piqued voice. “Your father was worried sick!” Dad and I both looked at her in bewilderment. Dad? Worried? “The least you could do is pick up a phone and call us.”


“Don’t you ‘Mom’ me, young man. You’re in big trouble!”

“I’m sorry! I fell asleep. When I woke up I got David to bring me straight home.”

“Do you expect us to believe that?” Dad asked. “You fell asleep?”

I felt the short hairs on the back of my neck rise. “Yes, I do. It’s the truth. Give David time to get home and I’ll call him. You can ask him for yourself.”

“You’re not calling anyone, Mister! You’re grounded!” I wanted to protest, but I learned early on in life that protesting the injustice of their decisions only made matters worse.

“I fully expected to be. How long?”

“Until I say otherwise, that’s how long!”

“A few days, Honey,” my mother interjected. She knew my father and me pretty well, and some of these ‘discussions’ had ended in near blows. I gave her a brief look of thanks.

“Can I go to bed now?” I asked.

“I thought you already had your beauty sleep,” my father said in a snide voice. He was baiting me. My father always considered me to be a disappointment to him. My brother had been staring quarterback and lead the team to no less than three State Championship. He had been president of his senior class in high school and was now president of one of the more prestigious fraternities at the University of Georgia. I, on the other hand, had never been elected to anything. The closest I had ever come to lettering in sports was the time I fell into the dugout at a baseball game.* My father never let me live it down. Now he was standing across the living room from me with a sneer on his face and his hand balled into a fist all but accusing me of being queer.

Dennis Day was a traveling salesman for a local boiler manufacturer. He left home every Sunday after dinner and got home every Friday in time for a late supper. As I stood there at the foot of the stairs my only consolation was that in thirty-six hours he’d be gone. In that light his stature seemed to shrink. I saw the slump in his shoulders and the flab around his waist. My father was an ex-high school jock gone to pot. I realized standing there at the foot of the stairs that night that he wasn’t worth the fight. I turned to my mother, smiled, kissed her good night, and then bounded upstairs with out giving either of them a second glance.

Later that night in bed I hugged my pillow close to me, pretending it was David. I could still smell him on me, and if I closed my eyes I could just make out the rush of air into his lungs with each breath and the faint beating of his heart. I fell asleep imagining his strong arms enveloping me...

* Yes, that really happened. It was at an Albany Polecat's game (a now defunct minor-league baseball team). I fell on this really hunky player. We got to be quite good friends, actually! I love baseball now.