Date: Sat, 24 Mar 2001 21:16:21 EST From: Justin69SK@aol.com Subject: Micael's Secret Love Chapter 12 -------------------- Michael's Secret Love Chapter 12 (ERWw) March 20, 2001 Written By: Justin Case ------------ Disclaimer: This story is written about adolescent gay love. It contains graphic sexual content and should be viewed only if it is legal where you are. It is placed here to educate people in this vast world of ours about love (yes, the L word) between members of the same sex. The author, his editors, and the web site accept no responsibility for your actions after reading this. It is our hope that you will accept all people as they are. We should not force our beliefs onto those who don't have the same; but we should share our beliefs with each other in an effort to open our minds. ------------ Words from our author: Hey everyone! It has been a while since we checked in with Michael and James. Some of you feel it has been too long, and I must say that I agree. While I was reviewing the story this morning, I discovered another discrepancy. In chapter one the Spring Concert is "this weekend," then in chapter six it becomes "next week." Well, it's not as bad as when Eugene grew two inches and gained fifteen pounds from chapters four to five. The latter description was cleared up in chapter six. See what happens when I wait too long to update? I assure you that I have an outline for all my works; however, they just don't have the little details. Sorry if this caused any of you confusion. Today is the first day of spring here in these parts of the world (at the time of this writing). So let the birds sing, the flowers bloom, and our hearts be warmed by the sunshine. ------------ I woke up that Wednesday in the wee hours of the morning in my warm little corner of the world. Just me and that stupid tree behind my bed. The tree had shed another leaf while I was asleep. Do you have any idea what it's like to be awakened by something falling on you? Hey, I know it was only a leaf, but when you're in that dream-like state, floating between sleep and wakefulness, it gives you quite a start. I looked at the clock next to my bed, it read 2:26 AM. Having been awakened, I couldn't slip back into sleep. My mind reflected back on the past, my thoughts flowing like water. I thought about Eugene, his mother, and what we had all shared earlier in the hospital. Mostly, I thought about James. It struck me that he hadn't mentioned the fact that I had let Eugene jerk me off. He had bypassed that part of my confession. I tossed and turned, struggling to put my mind to sleep, but all I managed to do was tangle myself up in the sheets. Exasperated, I slid off the bed and moped to the bathroom. As I closed the bathroom door, my thoughts meandered around to the Spring Concert only four days away; it was this Sunday night or next Sunday depending on how you looked at it. The dilemma about which week the following Sunday was on irked me. Oh, the things I think about when I can't sleep... I half passed the mirror mounted on the wall to my right, but turned and caught my reflection at the last moment. I stared at the face staring back at me. I studied myself long and hard, discontented with what I saw. At first fleeting glance, I saw a young, curly haired boy, and I can't say I wasn't tempted to just walk away, but I felt drawn to look deeper. There, glaring in my face, was the pain I felt. How could I have been so stupid? I knew better than to allow myself to use Eugene when I loved James. What kind of man dismisses a love for years without knowing why? I even thought about Sally Pedneault and my harsh thoughts yesterday on the bus. When did I become so critical? It was so easy to see faults in others like Sally, especially those mirroring my own. It was comfortable to look at other people, yet I'd never made myself turn the critical eye inward. It was time I began looking at myself. It was time to see myself as others did and, hopefully, find my forgiveness. I would begin by forgiving myself. I spun on my heel and stumbled to the toilet. I sat on the seat so long engrossed in my thoughts about myself that I hadn't noticed, until my numbed legs reminded me, how long I had been there. I shakily stood up, remembering to flush just before turning away. I briskly padded back to my inner chamber, mindful not to wake my parents, and crawled back into bed. I gazed into the darkness, my mind pelted by a torrent of thoughts. I peeked at the clock, shining brightly back, and grimaced. It was 3:09 AM. Would I ever get back to sleep? Lighten up, Mikey! I needed to get my mind onto something a little less taxing. I began thinking of James and how much he loved me. I pictured his cute little face and smiled wistfully. I clicked on the radio and my favorite song floated softly through the darkness, "Maria, Maria, she reminds me of a Westside story..." The words unwound me, they banished the troubling aches I was feeling spiritually. I was shaken out of my reverie by the ringing phone. I nearly fell off my bed, fumbling to grasp it, still half asleep. I looked at the clock as I picked up the receiver; it was 9:34 AM. How come my alarm didn't go off? "Hello?" I mumbled into the phone. "Hey, Babe," my love greeted me. "Where are you?" I asked, still dazed. "I'm home, too. My mom let me sleep in since we didn't get back until so late last night. She figured it must have been a trauma for me. She didn't want me to go to school until I talked with my dad." "Oh, well, my alarm didn't go off and Mom didn't wake me. She must have decided I needed to sleep. James, can you go out? I need to talk to you. I need to see you. I can't do it on the phone." "Hold up, let me check." I pushed myself up off the bed. Sunshine greeted me warmly through the window. I love it when it's sunny out. I waited for James to return to the phone, making funny faces in the mirror to entertain myself. Isn't it silly the things we do when no one is looking? I could hear James' footsteps over the phone as he returned. "Yep, she says it`s ok. You want me to come over?" "Yeah, would you?" I begged. "Anyone home?" he asked huskily. "I don't know." I hesitated before going on. "I don't hear anyone. I know my dad's at work, he never misses work." "Well, go check!" "Mom?" I yelled. No answer. "Did you have to do that in my ear?" James complained. "Geesh." "Oh, I'm sorry. I'll go look." I hopped off the bed, snatching up my bathrobe, and headed into the hallway. I walked into the kitchen. If any of us went out we were supposed to leave a note. Mom was the only one of us that was really good about it, though. Dad and I were always forgetting to leave them. We even had a special place on the kitchen counter where we left our messages. I don't remember anyone ever saying it was the only place you leave them, it was just one of those unwritten rules. There on the counter where they were supposed to be was a piece of paper. On it was scrawled, "Mike, I turned off your alarm. I heard you up late last night and wanted you to get some sleep. I'm glad Eugene is all right. I'm going into Portland to do some shopping, but I'll be home at 1:00. Love, Mom." That's my mom, always thoughtful of me and my dad. I zipped back to the phone. I almost fell when I got to the end of the hall and tried to turn too sharply into my bedroom. I must have made quite a bit of noise. "Are you okay?" he sweetly wanted to know. "I hope you didn't hurt yourself." "Yeah, I'm fine. I nearly busted my tail though." "Well?" "Such a deep subject for people as shallow as us," I couldn't resist. I know, I know. It's as old as time. "We're not shallow, lover. We are absolutely not shallow." "I should have been out of the shower by now. Give me a few before you leave, okay?" "No way! I'm coming right over,"James insisted, then he giggled. "I'll wash your back if you wash mine." He didn't even say good-bye. Talk about eager. I flopped back down on my bed and thought about how much I loved him. I pondered how I would ask his forgiveness for what I had done. I needed to forgive myself first, I reasoned. I let my mind return to my soul. I guess all the reading I've done makes me able to recognize feelings in more depth than most my age. I know James is as deep as I am. I curiously wondered about what made us and the experiences that shaped us. Ding-dong. Wow, he must have run the entire way! I chuckled to myself as I got up to let James in. He stood on my stoop with his dirty blonde hair, beautiful blue eyes, and his radiant smile. I on the other hand must have been a sight. It suddenly occurred to me, as I stood there clad only in my boxers that I hadn't combed my bird's nest. I immediately felt self conscious. I only worried about my hair, not that anyone might see me in my underwear. His smile was infectious, though, and I shot him a lop-sided grin of my own, just like we always do when we see each other. "God, when did you get to be so handsome?" James beamed, crossing the threshold into the humble Martin abode. I blushed furiously. I swung the door shut behind him and took him into my arms. He tenderly kissed me. Tears swelled in my green eyes. My six foot frame shivered in his embrace. He must have felt it because he stepped back from our hug, his brow furrowed and his blue eyes looking deep into mine. "What's the matter, Michael?" "Oh, James." I took him by the hand and tugged him to my room. Still clad only in my boxers I plopped onto the bean bag chair. I hoped James would sit on the bed. I couldn't sit with him, much to my chagrin; I needed to be able to concentrate. With a begging look from me, he understood and sat alone on the bed. "Michael, it's all right," he cooed soothingly. "I love you no matter what." "I know, James, and I love you, too. I just have to talk to you about Eugene. I have to say it out loud so I can hear the words. I mean, I need to hear them too." I was babbling, but he cut me off gently. "Michael, I understand," he assured me. "Eugene didn't know about us." "But I did. I allowed him to touch me. Why was I so weak? I should have stopped him." "Michael, you were in the car with my mom and me. How could you have stopped him without alerting us? I'm sure you didn't plan to have it happen. You're only human. God sent His Son here because we humans tend to give in to temptation. Not that that makes it okay to just give up, but you're truly sorry and I forgive you." "I just don't understand myself, James," I whined. "I was actually excited by Eugene. I let him do it. I didn't want him to stop once he started." "Sexual desire is strong. Love is forever and unconditional. Love is wanting to learn all you can about one another. Love is wanting to do all you can to please one another. Love is shared. But you can't love another unless you love yourself. You need to learn and forgive yourself. I mean, life is too short to let a moment of weakness define you." "I know you're right, but I just can't help feeling cheap." "Michael, sex on its own is cheap. Like masturbating, it feels good, but isn't fulfilling. It's a moment of thrill that leaves you unfulfilled when it's over. Love is work, but when sex is a part of love it is truly rewarding. The sex we have is an expression of what we mean to each other, and touches us on the inside as well as the outside." "James, I love you. I'm sorry." I meekly finished. "Michael, I love you." He joined me on the bean bag. He sat on my lap and kissed me deeply. "Now let's take that shower. Your hair looks like hell!" he laughed, pulling me to my feet. It was only 10:30; we had two and a half hours to be alone with each other. I wanted to savor every moment with him. I felt so rejuvenated. I was horny, too. We raced to the bathroom, exchanging bashful smiles. It would be the first time we had ever taken a shower together. I slowly stripped James of his clothes. I couldn't take my eyes off his smooth body. I loved studying every inch of him, memorizing everything about his unclad flesh. I turned the water on and we stepped into the shower together. The warm water sprayed over our naked bodies as we clung to each other. The water made our bodies slippery and the feeling of his warm body rubbing against my skin was exquisite. I felt each of my nerve endings responding erotically to his touch. I sensed he was feeling the same. Both our dicks were rock hard. My mind was there in that moment, and that moment only. We kissed each other under the cascade of water. I kneaded my hands up and down his back, James pulled me close to him. Our tongues darted in and out of our mouths. I explored his sweet lips with my tongue. I ran it over his teeth. I sucked his tongue into my mouth. He pumped his dick against mine. I dropped my hands from him and scooped up the bar of Dial. Keeping my eyes squeezed shut, I took the soap in my hand and lathered my lover's chest. He stole the small bar from my hand and rubbed it against my chest. He pulled me back away from the steady stream and continued to work up a lather. I opened my eyes and watched him as he caressed my torso. His eyes were riveted to mine. I reached down with my right hand and gently stroked his four and a half inch dick. It was hot to the touch. I couldn't resist reaching my left arm around him so I could feel his ass. He pushed his pelvis toward me as I fondled him. He continued to work the lather down my chest and onto my belly. He ended up with his hands working the soap on my genitals. I was electrified with want. I felt like I wanted everything at once. I dropped to my knees and took his rod into my mouth. I worked my tongue around his swollen cock and paid particular attention to the ridge where the head of his meat met the shaft. I sucked as hard as I could while I stroked the shaft with my right hand. I gently squeezed his balls with my left hand. He tried to push his dick all the way into my mouth, but I held him at just the head. I moved my left hand to his hole, circling it with my index finger. I prodded and poked the little pink orifice with my fingers. I continued working his cock as I slid two fingers into him. I kept the rhythm of the two hands synchronized and felt his cock swell bigger than I had ever felt it. "Oh God, Michael. I want you in me. I want you inside me." I stood to put my lips to his and kissed him again. I continued teasing his hole with my fingers as he began to grind his butt against my hand. "Oh, Michael, please put it in me." He turned around so his back was facing me and bent over. He grabbed for my five inch dick and pushed his ass back to meet it. I gently pushed forward until he positioned the head of my cock at his wanton hole. He pushed back against my member. I felt the head of my boner as it entered the hot walls of his ass. I held it there with just the head poking into my lover. He forced himself back onto me. I could feel the warmth surround my shaft. "Aggh...yeah. Mmm... deeper..." James moaned, his voice full of desire. I thrust my cock into the depths of his bowels and held myself deep inside of him. I slowly withdrew until just head was inside his butt, then I impaled him again, driving my manhood as deep as I could. I felt my balls slapping his through his upward turned buttocks and legs, as he remained bent over. I reached my right hand around to his solid cock. I pictured his manhood bright red as I grabbed it. "Oh yeah, deeper...harder..." came his muffled cries. I began pumping in and out of him. I would pump down as far as I could and pull out to the tip. I worked my dick up and down his tight hole while I stroked his cock in unison. I pulled his body back toward me and positioned myself under the spray of water coming from the shower head. "Oh, that's it...do it faster...Mmm..." James moaned in sheer delight. I couldn't hold out. I felt my orgasm building from the bottom of my balls. My cock was stretched to its limit. I felt James' dick as it began to throb in my stroking hand. I was there and he was too. My cock blasted the thick hot white come into him. I felt his prick as it shot his load. With each eruption, it swelled in my hand. I was so overcome by the sheer ecstasy that I almost collapsed onto his body. I felt my legs weaken and grabbed the towel rod to steady myself. James slowly pulled away from me, stood and turned to face me. He pulled me to him, and kissed me tenderly. I looked into his eyes before we locked lips; they said it all. "I love you, Babe," he whispered between soft, light kisses. "I love you, too." ------------ Oh, that was too much. I'm sorry to leave you here, but I must. We'll catch up with Eugene and his recovery in the next chapter, I promise. If you have the desire to write me, feel free. The address is still the same, Justin69SK@aol.com and I answer all my mail. My heartfelt thanks to my editors, Sarah my creative assistant editor, Joe my creative copy editor, and Ed my final copy editor. Without them I would be lost. I invite you all to check out my website, http://justinscorner.homstead.com