This is a fictional story about two teenaged guys, both who are passionate about Drama and the Performing Arts and they fall in love for the first time, and that to eachother. This is their rollercoaster ride of emotions following their first meeting.

A big apology for the error in the previous chapter! In chapter 1 I wrote that my email address was "" but it is infact "" I realised my mistake a little too late. My apologies once again. Any commments, suggestions and crits can be sent to

Hope you enjoy the story.


The cold, gray rooms and corridors of a hospital can drive one insane. The sheer feeling of a possible death and illness aswell as raw nerves on edge does wonders for your imagination, fearing the worst at the best of times.

James was waking from sleep, with dreams of blood and visions of red running through his mind. That horrible thing that Rowan did to himself... James ran all the way to the nearest shop, a bakery, and called an ambulance from there. They drove Rowan to the hospital, and even though he wanted to go with them, the paramedics would not allow him to. When his father arrived on the scene after James had called him, he had driven them home, gave James a sedative and told him to get some rest.

Max O'Neil, James's father, was in his study when his son came bursting in. "Dad! There you are. Can I go see Rowan, please? Dad, please let me go and see him, he has to be ok..." Max pulled his son to him as James's shoulders began to shake violently as he could keep his tears inside no longer. No one can expect a fifteen year old boy to be OK with what he had seen.

As they arrived at the hospital, James didn't wait for his father to park the car, and ran straight to the reception area. "Afternoon, can you please tell me where Rowan..." Shit, he didn't know Rowan's last name. "Please, Rowan had an hands, he..." James just couldn't say it. "Oh, you must be talking about Rowan Bresciano!" the nurse exclaimed. "Are you one of his friends?" "Well, sort of...Do you mind telling me his room number? We both study Drama and I just want to make sure he is OK." "Sure, but you need to go around the cafeteria, where you will find the Casualty Ward, he is in room 5A on the left hand side." "Thank you so much!" James said and followed the signs and room numbers until he found the room. Before he could enter, he suddenly felt like he should'nt be there. What gives me the right to come and visit him? Before last week I never even noticed him, why now? Why must something like this have happened first before my eyes had opened? He sighed and went inside.

"Oh, you have got to be kidding me!"

James felt emotions that, in his young life, he had never felt before. In there, holding Rowan's right hand was Genevieve North. She looked up, clearly surprised. "James? What are you doing here?" "I can ask you the same fucking thing. Where were you when Rowan needed you? I saw him, you know? I saw him the day before we were supposed to do the dialogue and he was sitting in a flower bed, crying his eyes out! Why? Because you told him shit, that's why! So you know what you can do for him now? Get the fuck out!"

"James, what the hell is going on here?" James spun around to see his father standing there with a confused look on his face. If he hadn't interupted who knows what James might have done. Genevieve quietly stood up and walked out. For some reason Max gave James a warning look and walked out after Genevieve. James sat down next to Rowan's bed as he tried to calm himself. He tried to think when the last time was that he was so mad. It didn't help, there was none. He looked up at Rowan, looked intently at his sleeping face. My God. He is beau... James stood up and opened the window; he just had to get some air. He had never, ever, ever in his fifteen years of living, thought something like that about another boy. Never about someone who was the same gender as he was. Never about any single guy...but he was thinking that about Rowan.

That night, as he was getting ready for bed, he thought about Rowan for what seemed like the umpteenth time. How anybody could not see that this guy was so, so stunningly sexy and cute was beyond him. He closed his eyes tightly and bit his lip instantly. He didn't want to feel what he felt. He even tried to imaginine Genevieve North naked infront of him to somehow try and fix this. As he was thinking about Genevieve slipping her clothes off her slender body, she turned into Rowan. James got a huge fright as this happened and he sat up in his bed, crying as he held his head in his hands as everything just got to much for him.

The next day in class, everyone was struck with a severe case of silence as everyone thought how he or she treated Rowan in the time that they knew him. Even though no one said anything, there was a clear feeling of guilt in each and every one of Tritanium High's first year Drama students. Dylan Marine was in a state of shock as he was the one who shattered Rowan's name infront of others the most. Through the day James found himself staring at the seat where Rowan usually sat. He sat alone at lunch and ignored everyone.

That night James logged onto Google and typed in the following: "Am I gay?" He stopped when he saw the phrase: "How do you know if you are gay?" He got up and locked his door, returned to the computer and clicked on it. He read and read and as he read further, he got more and more scared. He tried to compare himself to what the stuff on the Internet said. Did he want to see Rowan's genetals? Stroke it? Feel it? The answer was given to him in the form of a sudden hardness in his pants. When he masturbated the previous night, he shuddered when he remembered that the image of Genevieve turned into Rowan. What can I do about it? The thing is, Rowan had no friends or even someone who cared about him in Tritanium High. He would love to be that person...but what about these feelings that he was experiencing? Should I tell others? Oh God. James thought what Dylan and Franco, but especially his father would think about this. He certainly didn't want people to start ignoring him because of this. When James got to a category that read "Gay sex" he immediately clicked the `x' button. After two minutes or so he went into his History and clicked on it once more. Legal age, sixteen till seventeen years of age. This was all too much for James and he switched his laptop off and went to bed.

In this journey through accepting that he was different took a lot out of James. He started to stay away from the guys in his class, he stopped talking to them and in general he wanted to be on his own. Dylan and Franco couldn't understand what was going on. His teachers also saw the change in this once happy and passionate boy. No one knew why though. No one except Genevieve. On the morning that Rowan was to be discharged, James reiceived a text on his mobile.

"Dylan, we have to talk. No hard feelings. Please meet me before school in the rehearsal studio. That's all I ask. Genevieve.

He saw her standing there as he entered. The most beautiful girl in the whole class, wanting to see him before school. He would have found it an extreme turn on just a week ago. She turned around. "Hey." He nodded in response. "Look, im really sorry about everything. I never meant things to go this far." James stared at her with disgust. "Ok, that Rowan is in hospital and nearly died, now you are sorry? You couldn't have told him that before he did what he did? He fucking slit his wrists, Genevieve! No apology can make up for that." As he walked out he decided to skip class for the day. He wanted to be there when or maybe even before Rowan was discharged.

As he walked in room 5A he saw Rowan still sleeping silently. James sat beside him. He took a deep breath and looked up at Rowan. You're so beautiful, he thought. With his hand, he gently wiped a string of hair from Rowan's face. The touch of skin on skin was electrifying and James O'Neil could not get enough of the so-called Forbidden Fruit. He stood up once again, just to get his emotions in order. This wasn't right, no matter how good it felt.

He turned around, so confused.

Just in time to see Rowan moan.

Just in time to see him wake up.



That's it for the second chapter of Motoric Moment. Any comments, suggestions and mail can be sent to

I also like to credit the following sources:

If there is anyone out there struggling with these emotions featured in the story you could visit these sites. It really helped me accepting who and what I was a few years back.

Thanks for reading

Frank Carter