This story is a work of fiction, and any resemblance to anyone living or dead is purely coincidental.  This story deals with mature subject matter of a homosexual nature. It is not advised to allow minors to view this material.

Reproduction of this material is prohibited without the written consent of the author which can be obtained by requesting, through e-mail, such permission. Please include any pertinent details when making such a request.

My Jay Chapter 2:  Awakenings

When we got to my house, we headed straight for my room.  My mom was in the kitchen, and greeted us warmly as we sped by.  Hmm... that's strange.  I haven't seen her this happy since before dad left us over a year ago...

We went up to my room, and I started looking for clothes to wear tomorrow while Jay looked through my CD's for some music for us to listen to.  I looked over my shoulder at my best friend and secret love, and my breath left my lungs in a whoosh.  The way Jay was bent over my CD rack was so sexy!  And something I hadn't noticed earlier--Jay was dressed to kill:  he was wearing black cargo pants with an ultra-sexy rayon shirt with the top two buttons undone to expose a  white T-shirt underneath.  The shirt made him look like a walking optical illusion.  It was black and white striped, and every time he moved my eyes would lose their focus.  Seeing him look so good made me realize just how dumpy I looked, and reminded me that I hadn't yet had my shower for the day.

Grabbing a pair of boxers from a drawer and heading towards my bathroom, I called over my shoulder "Dude, I need a shower BAD.  I'll be back in a few."

"Well, hurry up!  I don't wanna still be waiting out here this time tomorrow.  No funny business in the shower!  Heheheh."

"Oh MAN!  You've gotta ruin everything for me, don't you.  I can't even have a little fun in the shower now!  Damn!" I said, mockingly, as I shut the bathroom door.

What he didn't know was that I had fully intended to relieve myself of a little "pressure" that had built up since last night's little adventure.  But now he would be waiting, so I couldn't risk a little extra time in the shower.  So, I did only the obligatory scrub before getting out of the shower a mere five minutes later.

When I came out of the bathroom clad only in my boxers, I found Jay sitting in front of my computer, looking at some files on the hard drive.  I wonder what's so interesting about my files...


Startled, Jay almost jumped out of the chair.  "H-hey man.  Didn't expect you out so soon... you scared the shit outta me!"

"I noticed.  So, what's so interesting over there?"

Jay closed the window before I could see what it was he was looking at.  "Aww, nothin'.  I was just checkin' out your comp.  Got a pretty nice system here."

"Jay, we've played on that thing lotsa times.  You shoulda noticed by now, ya dork!" I said, laughing.  My suspicions aroused (yes, only my suspicions were aroused this time!) I continued to wonder what was so interesting on my computer, but I let the subject drop, in favor of some more productive conversation.

"Dude, help me decide what to wear... I don't wanna look like a geek today.  I'm hopin' to pick up some action, ya know."  I said with a smirk.

"You are, are ya?  Got your eye on anybody special?"

"Eh, maybe."

"Come on, man, ya gotta tell me.  We're buds, aren't we?"

THAT was a cheap shot... use our friendship against me.  Jeez.  "Yeah, dude.  We're buds.  I'll tell ya later, k?"

That seemed to satisfy him for now.  "Cool.  Now let's get you hooked up with some threads."

It only took a few minutes of rummaging through my closet for Jay to find an outfit for me.  His influence definitely shone in his choice of clothes for me.  He came out of the bottomless pit of my closet with a pair of khaki cargo pants and my favorite shirt, iridescent  green that changed colors and shimmered in the light as I moved.  Not quite as interesting as Jay's shirt, but close.

Dressed in my clothes, I decided to leave the shirt totally unbuttoned, allowing maximum movement as I walked.  His idea, not mine.  He's always been the one with the fashion sense, I guess.

Jay grabbed the CD's he had picked out, and we headed downstairs.  We passed the kitchen again, at which time my mother called out "You boys have fun!"

"Jay, my mom's starting to freak me out... she was never this happy, even when my dad was here," I said quietly.

Jay just shrugged his shoulders as if to say "I don't know what to think."

When I opened the door to leave the house, there was a surprised man on the other side.

"Mooooooooooooooooooooom!  Somebody's at the door!" I yelled.  From the kitchen, I heard my mom say, "Oh, that'll be Dylan.  Let him in Joshua."

Once we were out the door, I turned to Jay.  "That woman has something up her sleeve, I just know it.  She never calls me Joshua, and she has men over even less often than that."

Back in Jay's car, we popped in the new Cranberries CD that Jay had picked out.  We both loved the song Just My Imagination.  I'm surprised we haven't worn out the CD yet.  We listened to that song four times in a row before arriving at the mall.

"Well, where ya wanna go first?" I asked in my best 'this is no big deal, we're just friends, no matter what happened last night' voice.

"I was thinking Musicland.  That kosher?"


We went in to Musicland and shopped around for a while, bought a couple of CD's, and I watched Jay intently as he moved confidently around the store.  I always managed to keep a few steps behind so I could watch his twin globes move under the fabric of his pants.  My chin was practically on the floor, and I know my mouth was watering.

We finally finished looking around and went to a check-out counter to pay for our purchases.  What luck we have!  Our cashier was wearing a proudly displayed rainbow flag on his shirt.  Let's just see what Jay thinks of that, I thought to myself.

"Jason!  My man!  What's shakin'?"

Huh?  Talk about confused!  How does this guy know my Jay? I thought to myself.  I suddenly felt a pang of jealousy.

"Hey Mikey!  What's up man?  When did you start working here?"

"Oh, 'bout three weeks ago, I guess.  Haven't been in here in a while eh?"

"Nah... you know how it is... school and all..."

Jay and this guy, "Mikey," or whatever, were just chit-chatting away, and I was left standing there, feeling weird and out of place.  When they finished their mini-reunion, we walked out of the store.

"Jay, who was that?"

"An acquaintance, I guess you'd say.  I see him around sometimes."


"Hey, let's go to Babbages... they're supposed to have an awesome new computer game I wanna buy.  We can play it when we get back to my house."

So, we went to Babbages.  After that we played in the Arcade for a while, ate in the food-court, looked around in the Gap for a while, and did a lot of other things.  We even saw a few people that we both knew, and talked to them for a bit.  By the time we left the mall, it was 5:00 in the evening, and we were both hungry again.  We decided to stop by Mickey D's and grab something at the Drive-Thru. 

We basically shoveled our food down on the way back to Jay's house.  When we got to his house, we immediately sat down to play the game he had bought.  After a couple of hours of that, we decided to watch the other movie that Jay had rented the night before, which happened to be The Cure.  That's one of my favorite movies.  I told him so.

"Yeah, I know.  That's why I rented it."  I half expected him to say DUH! after that sentence, but thankfully, he restrained himself.

When the movie was over, we both tried to wipe our eyes as non-chalantly as possible.  But it didn't really work.  Jay ended up going to get us both some Kleenex so we could at least try to compose ourselves.  In an effort to lighten the mood, Jay suggested that we surf the net until we decided to go to bed.

We messed around on the Internet for hours... going here and there, with no clear destination.  His browser would try to auto-complete the addresses as we typed them, and I thought I saw a few familiar, not-so-heterosexual URL's flash briefly on the screen a couple of times, but I couldn't be sure.

It was about 1AM before we finally decided we'd had enough fun.  We both undressed, and climbed into Jay's bed.  I was probably laying a bit too close to him, but he didn't seem to mind, so who was I to question?    Neither of us went to sleep right away.  Instead we talked for another couple of hours.  Finally, Jay stopped talking back to me, and I knew he was asleep.  I listened closely, and I could hear his faint, rhythmic breathing.

I, however, didn't find my way into the land of dreamscapes quite so easily.  I tossed and turned for what seemed like forever.  I couldn't stop thinking about what Jay had done the night before.  Did it mean anything?  Is he gay too?  No, that couldn't be it.  There has to be another explanation. But I couldn't think of one, if it even existed.  I figured he was already past the experimentation stage, at 18.  So he had to be gay.  But why didn't he tell me?  Doesn't he trust me enough?  Can't he tell that I'm gay too?  Doesn't he have any idea how much I love him?

Thoughts were running through my head so fast that they eventually began to run into each other and blend together.  I began to feel myself drifting off .

When I finally fell asleep, I did so anticipating another move by Jay.  I wanted him to touch me again.

I don't know how long I had been asleep, but I was suddenly awakened by Jay's movement on his side of the bed... he was moving towards me!  I lay perfectly still, waiting for Jay to repeat the performance of the previous night.  I wasn't at all prepared for what happened next.

"Josh, are you awake?" Jay said in a whisper.

Words from Jay were so unexpected that when I heard him speak, I was startled, and jumped.  There went any cover I thought I had.

"Yeah, I'm awake."

"Thought so.  I need to talk to you about something.  I know it's late, but I just couldn't get this out of my mind."

"Sure thing, man.  You know I'll always listen to ya."

"Josh, how do you know when you're in love?"

"I just got woke up in the middle of the night, and you're asking me a question like that?"

"C'mon man, just help me out here."

"Okay, but I don't know what makes you so sure that I'm such an expert on the matter.  I've only been in love once, or at least I think it was love, anyway."

"At least you know what to think.  I'm so confused about the whole thing, I don't know which end is up."

"Lemme give you my best description of what I think it feels like to be in love... maybe it's the right description, maybe it's not.  Who knows.  Anyway, I think love is when you're so excited that you're almost giddy when you're around somebody.  When you see their face, it takes your breath away.  Your heart starts racing even at the thought of being near that special someone.  And when you're together, you don't think there is any other place in the world you'd rather be than right there.  When that person fills you up completely.  That's what  I think love is."

"Wow...." Jay was almost breathless. 

"So, is that what you're feeling?"


"So, who's the lucky gal?"


This chapter is dedicated to Josh Draper... my soul-mate.  I love you more than I could ever say.  You've always been there for me, and I wish there was a way I could repay you.  I can't say it enough, I love you!

Lemme know what you thought at   Your response to the last chapter was beyond belief!  I never expected to get much of a response at all, but boy did you guys prove me wrong!  Thank you so much, and I'll always be grateful to all of you.  Now that that's out of the way, got any suggestions for the next chapter?