I kiss him. Sure. I kiss him all the time. But you wanna know what the drastic change in our relationship is? The fact that it's not HIM I'm kissing at all these days. It was the sweet lips of the boy that I had met just a few days ago that filled my senses. Joey just happened to be in the way while I was giving them out. Geez. Not even a week, and I'm already searching for that boy in the hallways and thinking about him when I wake up in the morning. It's this strong burning sensation on the inside that pulls me into dreaming about him all day long, and despite the sexual escapades that I've been fortunate enough to have in the past two years, all with boys who looked as though they stepped right out of some heart throb magazine...this was a whole new sensation to me. Something completely foreign in my world. It was great. And Colin was the first person t ever make me feel it this way.
Joey, on the other hand, was the other half of the equation it seemed. Joey was cute, and affectionate, and always ready for an afternoon of rolling around on top of my sheets. But the only joy that I got out of it really was an orgasm and the chance to feel 'beautiful' by making him so endlessly happy. And since Colin was temporarily beyond my reach, Joey was showered with all of the passion and pent up desire that I had for someone else. Don't think Joey didn't enjoy it. As a representation of the true apple of my eye, Joey found himself finally getting the kind of attention that I never thought I'd be able to give him. But the question is...was it real? A part of me wishes that question wasn't so easy to answer. Because I knew that my heart wouldn't let me keep dragging Joey along like this while I chased after the boy with the golden smile.
It was another typical afternoon. I got out of school at 3, my parents got home around 6, and that gave Joey and me plenty of time to fool around. He was always shirtless by the time we reached my bedroom door, and rock hard by the time I took my shirt off to join him. Every single time he would kiss me standing up, then gently push me back down to the bed to crawl on top of me. Then we would kiss, probably for about five minutes, then some hot oral sex, an orgasm, another kiss, and an 'I love you' would be the cherry on top of our sweet routine. It hardly varied beyond that. If it wasn't for my need to release the built up sexual frustration from thinking about the boy I actually wanted to be with, I probably would have been bored with it already. But something about seeing Colin's face in my mind and mixing it with the lust in Joey's eyes, made me hug him even tighter, love him even longer, suck him even harder. Sometims, if I close my eyes, I can completely lose myself in the fantasy. As long as he doesn't TALK and screw it up!
"You know, I think you get more delicious every time I taste you." Joey sighed, staring up at the ceiling aftr our session had come to an end.
"Yeah...you too." Whatever. The truth is, the sex was over, the illusion was fading, and it was time for my private penis pump to disappear. "So...maybe I'll see you tomorrow?" I said, trying to give a clue.
"You bet sweetie. I'll be here, and I'll have more lovin' ready for you, and...I'll just...I'll kiss you all over." I listened to him talking, and I guess the idea of more sex would turn on any teenage boy. But there wasn't anything really 'charming' or 'enchanting' about it. There never was.
"Ok. Sounds good."
"Sounds good, what? C'mon, say it. For me?" He pouted with a smile.
Sigh....here we go again. "It sounds good...pumpkin." I felt so STUPID saying that! Everytime he came over here, he'd ask me to do it, and now it's just getting to be plain silly.
"Cool. I'll see you then." He kissed me on the lips again, but this time, when his tongue entered my mouth...it felt cold. Like I didn't even want it in there. It tasted slimy and scaley and it moved around frantically like a fish out of water. Yuck! It was like having a live lizard in your mouth! That clenched it...things were getting worse. And I knew at that moment that I was reaching the point where I'd feel more fulfilled staring out of a window at Colin than having hours of mindblowing sex with Joey. It was geting to the point where I was resenting Joey for not being...him. And that's just not good.
When Joey left my house, I felt the need to take a shower. It was like I could feel his essence all over me, and I didn't want it. It felt like a virus or something. I needed to wash it off. I needed to rinse the taste of him out of my mouth, and the smell of him out of my hair. I didn't quite understand how this incredibly hot boy from school could entice me with his looks and his body, then suddenly turn into something so...so...'nasty' in the back of my mind. Just goes to show that looks aren't everything. In fact, I'm starting to wonder if they mean anything at all anymore. I scrubbed myself clean in the shower for over a half an hour, and spent the rest of the night contemplating whether or not I was ready to give up the blowjobs just yet. Afterall...he was DAMN good at it! I just didn't want to deal with him before, or after, the actual blowjob. That makes me an asshole, doesn't it? I swear, I've got issues these days.
I went to school the next day, balancing between avoiding Joey and being in all the places where I might see Colin again. I missed him already. And ever since I had invited him into my house, he's been completely absent from the halls. I hope he's not trying to dodge me. I REALLY hope he's not. I finally fall for someone, and it looks like he's the one boy who isn't interested. "Looking for somebody?" Came a voice from behind me.
"COLIN!" I said it a lot louder and with more excitement than I had expected to. Ouch...well THAT didn't make me look too desperate, did it?
"Hehehe, I take it you're happy to see me?" That elf like grin and watching his fingers brush some of his light brown hair off of the top of his forehead left me almost speechless. He's even more beautiful than I remember.
"Yeah, actually. I was starting to think you were trying to give me a hint or something."
"Nah, I just got a little bit sick, that's all. Just a cold, nothing major. Besides, my mom is a sucker for her pride and joy being ill." He grinned. "So...even though I was feeling better yesterday, I decided to play the sympathy card and get an extra day off."
"Ahhh...a freshman, and you're already ditching school."
Colin turned his slightly upturned nose into the air with a bit of class and smiled. "I wasn't ditching. I'd like to think of it as an extended opportunity to review my growing comic book collection."
"Like I said, you were ditching." I replied.
"Call it what you want. YOU'RE just jealous because you had to be locked in this place for the last few days."
"Better that than sick."
"Hmmm...touche." Colin started walking towards his class, slowly enough so that I could walk with him, but fast enough so that he could avoid being tardy. "You know, I never did thank you for the milkshake the other day. I DID kinda cheat afterall. It was pretty damn good."
"I'm glad you liked it." Kiss him, Russ. Kiss him now while nobody's looking. "Maybe we can go back there afterschool sometime." Lick him, Russ. Right up the left side of his neck. Mmmmmm...so cute.
"Only if I can keep finding ways to get you to buy me one. I said the shake was good, I didn't say it was worth $3.50." Rub your hands up and down his hips, Russ. Tickle him a little bit. Oh please...just touch him. Just for a split second so you can get a taste of what it would be like to hold him in your arms.
"Well...maybe we can work out some kind of arrangement." I was beginning to get nervous. All of the sudden, out of nowhere. It was like the air entering my lungs was turning to ice, and my body started trembling slightly. It felt like my arms and legs were completely out of my control. Like they were turning into these clumsy formations of watered down clay. And my mind was running wild with all kinds of 'dirty deeds' at once. Even while he was talking to me, I'd find myself staring into his green eyes extra hard, or looking at the wet surface of his tongue as his lips formed the words he was directing at me. I would sometimes focus on the curve of his neck, of the soft look of his cheeks, still blessed with a thin layer of baby fat that he had yet to lose. Even his ears were cute. It was hard to concentrate. "I...I had a good time a few days back." I said, feeling the tremors inside of me building to a boiling point as I tried to subtley convey my feelings at that moment.
"Cool. Me too." God...if I could just...reach out and touch him. Just TOUCH him. "I talk to a lot of people all the time, but since I live just out of the other high school district, most of my old friends went to the other high school instead. So, except for Missy and a few acquaintances, I'm kinda on my own, you know?" I love his voice. I mean, absolutely LOVE his voice!
"Yeah...I know what you mean..." I said, still too lost to really know how to think and speak at the same time. "I mean...I'm sorry to hear that."
"Don't be. More time for homework, right?" He looked like he was smiling even when he wasn't. Like his lips were on the verge of a heartwarming smile, ready to break at any given moment. Just seeing it made you want to smile too.
"Homework? Oh no, not if I have anything to do with it. That's one habit I'll have to break you out of before the end of the year." I said.
"Really now? Hehehe, I'm guessing that you're not the overachiever type, then?" There it is, the inevitable smile. Absolutely stunning.
"I've come to realize that making the grade and loving life can be two very completely different things. And you can't really do both on most occassions."
"And if I end up dropping out of school and become some jobless hermit living on the streets of Chicago someday?" He replied.
"Then consider it an extended opportunity to review your comic book collection." I couldn't help but grin as he giggled happily at my answer. Awww, his laugh was so sweet. So cute. Just like the rest of him. I felt my heart suddenly being pulled on so hard that I thought that it was about to come crashing through my ribcage. I was standing so close to him, and yet it hurt me to not try to get closer. Keep your head together, Russ. Now is not the time, here is not the place.
Colin soon stopped walking as we had already made the journey to his class. Time passed so fast when I was talking to him. "I've gotta duck in and try to actually 'learn' something...so, I guess I'll see you around. K?" He smiled up at me, and my heart beat even fastr than it already was.
"Ok...sure...um..." Where? When? How am I going to make plans to see him again? I did NOT want to go another few days without seeing a trace of him anywhere. I was getting addicted fast. Think...ahhhh...I think I've got something. "What are you doing later?" I asked.
"Probably sitting around with Missy, trying to figure out what we should do later. Why?"
"Well, how about I meet you outside when the final bell rings, and we hit the public library down the street?"
"Well that hardly sounds like something that a non-overachiever would say."
"Don't worry, I've got a surprise for you. I think you'll like it." I said.
"I don't like surprises."
"How can you say that you don't like surprises if you don't know what they are yet?" He didn't say much in his defense, and once the bell rang I said, "I'll take that as a yes. I'll meet you outside." And I walked away before he had a chance to say no.
I felt tingly all over as I got to my next class, and maintained a goofy smile for the entire period. Ok...this time, when I see him....I've GOTTA touch him! That's it. Just once. Just a brush against his arm or something, it'll be awesome. That little bit of contact would carry me through another few days in the event that he decides to take another hiatus. Wow...he's coming with me to hang out after school. Just the two of us. What will I say? What will I do? Why am I HARD??? I suddenly realized that I was standing at 'full attention' and unless I wanted to give the rest of the room a puppet show, I was gonna have to cool down a bit. Sheesh...it's not like I was picturing him naked or anything! At least...I wasn't a second ago. Arrrrgh! Great! Like THAT'S gonna help!
The final bell rang for the day, and the kids flooded the halls almost instantly from every door. Mr. Winky was well under control...finally, and I began wading through the ocean of bodies to get outside. However, I ended up running into one body that wasn't going to be so easily pushed aside. Joey.
The iceberg to my Titanic.
"So you ready? We've only got three hours dude, and I want to use them all on you. If you know what I mean." And he raised his eyebrows a few times as though I wuldn't be able to get the clever wording of his indecent proposal.
"Joey...hi..." I said, trying to stall for a second while I came up with an excuse. "Um...you know what? Maybe today isn't such a good day for you to come over."
"What? Why?" He asked.
"Because...I've got some stuff to do, and this is the only time I'll get a chance to do it. You know? By the time I finish, we won't have time to do anything." I was trying to make it short and sweet so I could run out to meet Colin like I said I would. He was a confident boy, that's for certain. But he didn't seem like the type that would wait around for more than a minute or two before his insecurities started calling out to him.
"Well...what kind of stuff?" Joey was clearly disappointed. His bottom lip slightly poking out in a pouty, brat-like manner.
"Oh...you know...stuff. I'm just going to run downtown for a bit. Maybe do some shopping." Just then, I looked over Joey's shoulder and saw Colin walk out of the front door, leaning up against a nearby tree to see if I'd show up. Don't worry, cutie! I'm coming! "I gotta run."
"Can I come with you? I can help. Maybe you can get it all done faster." No, no, NO! He's NOT coming with us! Jesus, can he really be THAT horny?
"No, you don't have to do that." I said quickly. "I'll be fine."
"Well I just thought...you know...maybe we could spend the afternoon together anyway." He was keeping me here a lot longer than I had hoped he would, and I could faintly see Colin looking at his watch in the distance. Don't leave. Oh PLEASE don't leave!
"That's ok, really. I've got it. Listen...I really should get going..."
"But why can't I come too?"
"Joey..." I said sharply, getting more and more annoyed by the second. But...it wasn't my intention to hurt his feelings or anything. Grrrr...big baby! "...look, we'll get together and spend some time together tomorrow. Ok? I promise."
"Oh...ok." He sighed. Then a little smile broke out on his face. "And then I get to kiss and lick and suck you again, all afternoon long. Right?"
"Yeah, kissing, sucking, licking. That'll be...great." I lied. "So, I'll catch you tomorrow. Ok?"
"Punkin?" He pleaded.
Arrrrgh! "Yeah...punkin." I think I'm gonna hurl! Maybe if I threw up down the front of his shirt, I can sneak away while he's cleaning up in the bathroom. Finally, he let me go, and I hurried out of the front doors. I swear, if Joey didn't have such a delicious piece of ass...
I made it outside to find Colin still leaning against the same tree. "Hey!" I said as I trotted over. He greeted me with a charming grin and my heart stood still until I had finished letting the shine in his eyes soak into my soul. "I'm sorry I'm late. I hope you weren't getting ready to take off or anything."
"Nah, you seemed like you'd be a man of your word. So I would have given you the benefit of the doubt and waited a bit longer than normal." He answered.
"Good to know that I didn't disappoint you." The butterflies in my stomach fluttered a bit, but not as much as usual. For the first time today, it felt like we were just being friendly. I hope that it lasts. I don't want my pants sprouting any unfamiliar lumps out here in the public eye.
"Yeah, well...the whole surprise thing helped a little."
"I thought you didn't like surprises?"
"I guess I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt on THAT one too, then." And with that said, he pulled his bag up onto his shoulder and said, "Lead the way."
The public library was only about five minutes away, but in that five minutes, Colin blossomed into something even more incredible than I had previously imagined him to be. He just...his personality kept growing right in front of my eyes. It kept expanding into new territory with every wonderful thing that he said. Blessing each word with his pattented smile as it left his lips. It was as though every single phrase was coated with a honey sweet level of intelligence, and wit, and just....this desirable essence that I couldn't even pinpoint, much less explain. He actually...interested me. And I don't mean an initial burst of infatuation here, or something that I had to seek out and mold into something satisfying for the sake of kissing a cute face. No...this was completely on autopilot. He surprised me with the genuine feeling of his presence next to me, and I just couldn't stop smiling. Almost breaking out into a fit of giggles from the fact that I was so overwhelmed by the gold that I found in his delightful 'puppy dog' companionship. All this in a five minute walk. Joey's had me for a lot longer, and he has yet to even touch on the level this kid brought to me with his first hello.
We got to the library steps and Coln opened the door for me to go in. I led him up to the second floor and set my bag down the table. "Ok, just grab a seat, and I'll be right back." And I went over to the art section and started grabbing a few of the big books that I could remember seeing there before, and brought them back to the table. "Ok, so you're a big comic book fan right? Check these out."
It wasn't anything big, nothing special at all, but his smile sent a warm sensation running throughout my entire body. It wasjust a few encyclopedias and history of comics and a few books of artwork, but the way his delicate hands held them, they way his slim arms pulled the books sliding across the table to bring them closer to him...it was so beautiful to see. He treated it as though he were holding a Bible in his hand. "Hehehe, you were paying attention." He grinned. Then he looked up at me for a moment, his eyes examining me for one eternal second, before he pulled them away and went back down to the books. "Thanks. That's cool of you, man."
"I was hoping you'd like them. These are kind of hard to find in most places. And I figured that a bookworm like you would probably be down somewhere looking for something educational if you ever came into the library. Sometimes you've just got to worry more about what you LIKE to do over what you HAVE to do, you know?" I heard him sigh to himself, and trying to keep from smiling so wide. Hehehe, if he had let himself go his smile would have split his head in two. He was trying so hard to maintain some kind of normal teenage 'cool' about him, but the kid in him shined through anyway. I never felt so good for someone else.
"You know, my dad doesn't want me to even read these things. He says it 'weakens the mind'." He said in his best impersonation voice. "Go figure."
"So you don't have any of your own?"
"Of COURSE I do! What do you take me for?" He said, "I hide them all over the place. I feel like I'm buying drugs or something the way I have to smuggle them into the house. Hehehe, but I'm gonna run out of places to hide them soon."
"Well...you can always keep them at my house if you want." I offered.
He looked up at me for a moment, and then back to the table again...staying silent. It was as if his mind was trying to work out some kind of great mathematical formula for what was happening here. I didn't know if I should take that as a glimpse of hope...or a sign of inevitable defeat. "How come you're being so nice to me?" He asked.
I didn't expect him to ask, but I took a chance. "Because...I like you, Colin. Seriously." He didn't say anything at first, just paused while looking down at the open book in front of him. His fingers nervously fidgeting with the pages.
Then, out of the blue, he mumbled..."Magneto."
"Magneto..." He said, his voice barely breaking a whisper. "...He made the number two comic book villain of all time. Right behind the Joker." His smile was almost gone completely, and he just turned to the next page, keeping his focus locked onto the pages of the book itself. I couldn't really decode what he was thinking, or even take a wild guess, but I think that's about as close as he was going to let me get to him. He ignored the moment completely. Which could only mean one of two things. He's either gay and doesn't think I am, so he's too scared to say anything. Or...he's straight, suspects I'm gay and hitting on him, and he doesn't want me to go any further with it. Two completely different extremes. But me? I was starting to guess that his interest in me wasn't going to go nearly as far as I was hoping it would. In fact, the horror of a possible rejection started to set in for the first time since I met him. And I began to tremble slightly as that once warm sensation turned ice cold. I guess I could try being optimistic about the whole thing and hope for the best. But this is a game that I've never really had to play before, and the stakes were much higher than I was used to.
"...Lex Luthor and the Green Goblin should have been much higher up on the list..." He continued. And slowly but surely, when he was sure that I had moved past what I just told him, he began to creep back into his smile. Back to being...my friend. Don't get me wrong, he was still a joy to be around, but deep down...my heart was aching to climb that emotional high voltage fence that he had just slammed down in front of me.
We stayed there for another hour or so, just scanning the books, and for a while, I'd be cool just being in his company. Then, I'd see his eyes light up over a certain picture, or hear his cute little boyish giggle, or hear a cheerful rise in his voice...and I'd remember how badly I was falling for him. How swiftly he was becoming the apple of my eye, causing my heart to melt with no more than a brief milisecond of eye contact. And it hurt sooo much to hold back. My hands were itching to reach out for him, my mouth went dry with the desire to press my lips against his. And yet, he could sit there and ignore it all, happily being cute in every possible way known to man, and some new ones that I'm sure he discovered on his own. It was an emotional misery that I could do without.
Then, while I was entertaining the idea of kissing him on the smooth nape of his neck, everything reached a boiling point. "Wow...you see this right here?" He pointed to a particularly detailed picture in the book, spread out over two pages in full color. "That's so kick ass. I wish I could draw like that. I mean, I try....sigh...but I could never do it as well as the pros do. It's amazing." I watched as he gazed at the page, passionately. Having NO idea what he was doing to me! Enhancing his sexual attraction and almost pulling me to mash my lips up against his whether he liked it or not! "I'd love to be able to do that. That's why I love comic books so much, you know? Because that is such an art, such a powerful ability to have. To just...take a single moment in time, that doesn't exist, and...like...'freeze it'. To just capture it and bring it to life. It's like, you can see it moving, even when it's standing still."
I didn't say anything, and Colin realized that he was deeply sucked in to the page. He looked up, I imagine to laugh it off and apologize for spacing out. But when his eyes lifted from the drawing, he saw me staring directly at him. In awe, absolute amazement. My breath felt heavy, and without even knowing it, I had leaned in closer to him. My body instinctively creeping forward as the gravitational pull of this boy put me in a chokehold and refused to let go. I was falling in love. ACTUALLY falling in love!
Colin leaned away from me a bit, "Hehehe, what?"
"Huh?" I had become immersed in a dreamworld, it was hard to become alert again. "Oh...nothing. I was just...listening. You know?"
"No you weren't! You were staring at me." He smiled bashfully.
"No I wasn't."
"Yeah...you were dude."
"Ok...so? What if I was? Is that so bad? Maybe I think you're pretty." I said with a flirtatious grin.
"Yeah...whatever. You were supposed to be paying attention." He was blushing slightly, but he had evidently gotten a lot of practice controlling it. Because I wouldn't have noticed if I wasn't absorbing every detail of him by staring as hard as I could when he wasn't looking.
"I was paying attention. And you're right. I think that's cool too. Some moments are meant to be appreciated." I was involuntarily flirting at this point, even if only in subtle ways. But he batted them away every time. Somehow, that only turned me on even more. Funny...considering that it was equally frustrating to have him keep building that fence higher and higher as I tried to climb over it.
"You know...this was cool and all, but I should go. I've got dinner waiting and Missy is supposed to call later..." He started to get up and I stood up to join him. "...thanks, Russ. Really. This was cool."
"Well...can I walk you back to the bus stop?"
"Um...yeah...ok." He mumbled, and walked out in front of me. Rather quickly, I might add. Ok...the frustration is starting to outweigh the adorability factor here. I'd almost rather him say no at this point. Maybe I'm spoiled. I don't think I've ever had to put so much work into getting someone to like me before.
We walked out to the bus stop, and the streetlights were just coming on. It was incredible, what the bluish tint of twilight did to his soft features as his skin radiated with this natural glow. This boy was so plain just days ago. Normal, average, everyday. And now? Now that I knew more about him, he erupted with such a level of heartbreaking beauty that it almost hurt to look at him. "So, what are you doing tomorrow?" I asked.
He grinned at me playfully, "Why? Could I have made that much of an impression on you that you'd actually want to spend time with me two days in a row?"
"I guess you could say that I was 'slightly enchanted', yes." I replied. "So.....?"
He looked down at his feet, then back at me. And he burst out in a little chuckle before looking back down to his feet again, his little nose wrinkling up and bringing this timid charm to this dramatic pause of his. It was like he was trying to get me to say that I was just playing around or something. "You're serious, aren't you?"
"Yes, I'm serious. Why?"
"...Nothing." He bit his bottom lip, and I saw him begin to blush a bit beyond his control. Awwww...I turned to jelly right then and there.
"No, what is it?"
"Nothing. Really." But I peeked over at him, leaning forward with a smile, hoping to get him to confess. But he just started giggling and turned to look the other way. "Hehehe...God...you're a freak, you know that?" He said quietly, almost to himself.
"Come on, Colin. It'll be fun. Whatever it is." He rolled his eyes with a grin, and I used my elbow to nudge him a bit in the side. Finally getting my chance to touch him. His side was so soft, even his lean muscle was soft, and oh so warm. He cringed a bit, displaying his weakness...a ticklish sensation caused him to scoot a bit further away from me. "Ahhh...what's this? Don't tell me he's ticklish?" I said.
"No..." He replied, but I could tell that he was ready to burst out laughing from the mere thought of being touched in the right spots. I moved a bit closer and he scooted again. "Quit it!" Then, I let my fingers reach out and poke him in the warm pillow ike softness just under his ribs. Colin gasped and jumped up to his feet before I could get a chance to tickle him any further.
I stood up and moved closer, but he grabbed his bag and moved to the other side of a nearby tree. "Ok, ok, ok!!! Truce! Ok?" He said, his smile almost bigger than his face.
"So you ARE ticklish!" I said.
"EXTREMELY ticklish! And I don't want you to even THINK about testing that theory!" He could see the devilment in my eyes and knew it wasn't going to be that easy. "Hehehe, come on, Russ! Don't! Ok? I mean it!" He was trying so hard to be serious, but there was no way the brightness of that smile could be contained. I took a step closer to him and he manuevered to the other side of the tree again. No matter which way I went, he made sure to keep his distance from me. His giggles got louder and louder, and so did mine, as I tried to chase Colin and cut him off on one side of the tree or the other. The bastard was quick! It was like trying to catch a baby squirrel or something. But then we saw the bus coming down the street, and he knew that he was going to have to come out of hiding eventually. "Alright, it's over. Game over. Ok?" He said, still trying to look legit.
"Sure...game over." I lied, and kept grinning.
"Hehehe! No...for REAL! Game over! I've gotta catch my bus!"
"Fine! Truce!" I said. "Come from behind the tree."
"You're gonna tickle me if I do!"
"You're gonna miss your bus if you don't."
"There will be another one after it."
"You'll have to come out from behind that tree to catch THAT bus too, now won't you?" I laughed. The bus was almost there, waiting at the light on the corner and soon to be zooming past if we didn't signal for it to stop.
"Hehehe! You asshole! I've gotta go!"
"Come on! This isn't fair!" He whimpered. God....he could be so incredibly cute without even the slightest bit of effort when he wanted to.
The light turned green, and the bus started moving forward. Colin whined, "See? Now I missed it!"
"No you didn't, you've got a few seconds left."
"What are you talking about? It's gone. This bus here behind you isn't even the right one."
I turned to look at the bus number, "Yes it is, it says..." But when I turned my head, the little shit scurried out from behind the tree and made a mad dash for the bus! It caught me by surprise, but his trick didn't distract me long enough to keep me from catching him before he got to the stop. The bus came to a halt and opened it's doors, only to see me and Colin rolling on the ground and howling with laughter as I dug into his underbelly and tickled him mercilessly! "YOU GIVE???" I shouted.
"*YES!!!!*" He screamed.
"I GIVE!!! I GIVE, I GIVE!!!" Colin had tears in his eyes at this point, and ached all over from the attack. When I got off of him and he started dusting himself off, we noticed the busdriver and everyone on board staring at us. Colin took a few seconds to compose himself and straighten his hair out a bit, and then he slugged me in the arm, "See what you did??? Now I've gotta ride HOME with these people looking at me!" He grinned.
"You can come home with me, and have ME stare at ya if you prefer."
He just smiled and climbed on the bus. "I've already had that pleasure one time today." And the doors closed, taking him away. Out of my reach, but not out of my thoughts. As I stood there, feeling my heart beating hard and heavy, I began counting the minutes until I'd get to see him again.
That settles it...I'm falling in love. There's no doubt of that in my mind. And if there's even a chance, a CHANCE, that he feels the same way...I'll never be the same again. I'll just...I'll explode! I'll just EXPLODE!
I practically 'danced' my way home that evening. Reliving every single moment that we spent together...especially the part where I got to roll around with him on the ground. Hehee, his laugh gave me such a rush. Everything about him gave me a rush. And the thought of him actually liking me, was enough to make me lightheaded enough to float away. This was cool. This feeling I had inside. That weightless sensation that wanted to sweep you right off of your feet, combined with the determination to keep your feet on solid ground. Because you knew that you weren't going ANYWHERE without the boy of your dreams coming with you....hand in hand. I swear, I don't know how I ever survived without ever having known this feeling.
When I got home, I found 8 messages on my answering machine...all Joey. Arrrrgh! The first one he 'just called to say hello.' Then he called again to whisper I love you on the machine. THEN he called to ask if I called him, because the phone rang but he didn't get to it in time. Then he called to say he missed me and that he wished I was home so he could get some 'sexy butt love'...umm yeah. Then another one to ask where I was and why I wasn't home yet. The 7th call was to let me know that he was thinking about me and wanted to talk....gee, ya THINK? And the last one was just to make a few loud kissing noises on the phone...REALLY loud ones that made it sound like he was sucking on a freshly skinned lemon...and then said, "This is Joey. Just thought I'd send you a hot kiss to last you until tomorrow. G'night. Love you..." And then he ended it with...with...."..punkin'." NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! I swear, if I hear that word one more time, I'm going to run amuck in the streets with a meat cleaver and hack to death anyone who even LOOKS like Joey!!!!
I was agitated, sure. Angry, of course. Stuck...for the most part. And I almost picked up the phone and called himup to have that all important talk where I tell him that our days of 'sexy butt love' and any other freakish phrases that he could come up with for the time I spent getting off, were over. And then...I stopped. I stopped and thought about the fact that he really was happy being with me. That this whole situation is a completely different ballgame through his eyes, and even though he seemed to be the only one playing the game, I WAS technically a part of the team. I don't think hurting him would be the best way to do things. I wasn't totally heartless, afterall. Just...I needed more than he could give me. It sucks, I know, and there's no way that he's going to be able to take that 'in a good way'...but Colin was everything that I wanted. Literally everything. He fit every single quality that I could ever hope for, and he kept inventing more everytime I saw him. Joey was staying stable, unchanging, locked into a certain position that had never really thrilled me beyond the sex, and never would. That didn't give me the right to hurt his feelings, but a definite changing of the guard was in order. If I was ever going to be happy, I was going to have to let Joey go.
The next morning I woke up with a smile. Actually, I think the smile was what woke me up. Was I dreaming about him? Who knows? All I know is that as soon as I get out of this bed and get my butt to school...I'll get to see him again. And I'll get to hear him laugh. And I'll get to be in...'touching' distance. It was better than any alarm clock that man could manufacture.
I got dressed in my best clothes. Well...the clothes that I could wear to school and be dressed up without LOOKING dressed up. And I fixed my hair to drape slightly down to the tip of my eyebrows. I think it looks hot. Hehehehe, not to be too cocky, of course. And I wanted a shirt that accentuated my slim hips, and colors that brought out my eyes. And a pair of pants that cupped me naturally under my round butt cheeks just enough to show them off. I looked in the mirror...I take that back...I POSED in the mirror for ages, trying to find the sexiest look that I could possibly manage for that day. Afterall, this is Colin we're talking about here. Believe it or not, out of all those times when I just KNEW that I' be cute enough, funny enough, charming enough, for even the cutest boys that this school had to offer...this was the first time when I really felt that I had to put work into it. Maybe it was a bit of an insecure feeling, but after being known as this fantasy boy for most of my life, it was kinda nice knowing that I was dressing for someone else's attention. Especially when I spend so much time trying to avoid it.
I got to school and was practically knocking my knees together trying to wait for the chance to see Colin in the hall again. I doubt I absorbed a single piece of information during any of my classes that day. And if I were to look at my notes, they'd probably all be a psychotic repetition of Colin's name over and over again. I love being so weird. Hehehe!
I caught a glimpse of him in the hallway a bit early as he was on his way to his gym class. And I called out to him. However...I didn't really get the response I was expecting to get this time around. "Hey..." He said.
I gave him sort of a strange look, and asked, "You ok?"
"Yeah...I'm fine. Why?"
"I dunno...you seem a bit..."
"No, I'm fine. Really." He said quickly. But I knew something was wrong. He didn't even look me in the eye the whole time that I was talking to him.
"Okaaaay...well, are we still on for later today?"
He fidgeted a little bit, and his eyes sank even furthe to the floor. "Um...I don't know. I should probably try to catch up on some things at home, you know?" Ok, what was all this about? What's going on here. Everything was so perfect yesterday.
"Are you SURE you're ok?" I pleaded.
"Yeah..........look I have to go, ok?" He said, and he blushed, but he was dead serious this time. "Sorry. I'll talk to you later."
But I stopped him before he walked away and left me confused. "Ok, I don't know what's going on here, and if you don't want to tell me, that's fine. But please don't put on a fake smile for me, ok? If something i wrong, you can tell me, you know?"
For the first time, he looked up into my eyes, and it almost looked like he was hurt or something. "Yeah...I know. Unfortunately, I think that's part of the problem." He said, and his eyes were weighed back down to his shoes.
"What do you mean?"
"Nothing. I've gotta go. Really. I'll be late."
"I can walk you there if you want..."
"It's out of the way. But I'll see you tomorrow." He said, almost sadly.
"Colin...sigh..come on. Talk to me." I was begging him to open up, just a little bit. Don't walk away Colin, I need you here with me.
He stopped moentarily, almost giving in to my request for an answer. But then, he thught twice about it and refused me again. "I'll be ok, I promise. Ok?" Then he smiled, even while keeping the same conflicted look on his face. "It's just me being stupid."
"I find that hard to believe, bookworm." I joked.
"Yeah, well....I get stupid sometimes too."
"Can I be stupid with you?"
"Nah, you don't have the power to be anything less than perfect." He smiled, and that seemed to make the hurt look on his face even more intense. "Tere's just...there's things about me you don't know about yet. And it can make me act totally retarded sometimes. That's all."
"I'd love to hear whatever it is you want to tell me." I replied, trying to coax him into giving me a little help here.
"Hehehe, I don't think so. I highly doubt you'd wanna know." He said, now starting to take small babysteps back awy from me.
"You never know, Colin. You might be surprised." Comeon Colin! Gimme a chance! PLEASE? This is the opening, say something, anything, and I'll drag you in with me. Please...make things beautiful again. Please.
"I already told you, Russ..." He said, now backing away fast enough to get away from me entirely. "...I don't like surprises."
And then he turned forward and kept walking, losing himself into the crowd and following the flow of teenage bodies as they swept him out of my sight. What happened? What did I do? What didn't I do? I'm so confused and lost as to what this was all about, but more importantly...the fence he had so easily manufactured the day before, had just grown 100 feet higher and 100 miles wider! Every single time I get close enough to even suspect a positive reaction from him, he shuts me down again. It's not fair.
As I regained my sense of consciousness again, I noticed a very cute senior look in my direction with a smile. He slowed down enough to let me know he was looking, and then moved forward. Another possibility, I thought to myself. And any other day, I probably would have looked at the curve of his ass in those slacks, the softness of his stare, and the glistening appeal of his ruby red lips...and taken the opportunity to take him home for an afternoon of incredible sexual release. I would have tasted his every inch and he would have loved it. But not today.
Possibly, not ever again.
Colin's charm and sensuality had tapped me on the shoulder, and not a single one of these pretty faces and shallow personalities would ever be able to touch me again. The only problem now is...what do I do if Colin decides to leave me standing here all alone? What happens if my one true weakness in life...
...Becomes my biggest failure? Only time will tell.