Disclaimer:
All other content or otherwise are works of my own
imagination. All events are fictitious in nature.
Any
similarities to persons living, dead, or otherwise are purely
coincidental.
Any procedures listed or documented within this
story are provided for informational purposes only. If you find
yourself in a similar situation, please consult the advice of a
professional.
This story contains strong themes of homosexual
content, if this offends you in any way, please refrain from reading
further. If you are not of legal age to read this, please leave
now.
A/N:
I'd like to say a big thank you to TalonRider, my excellent editor
and beta reader, who worked wonders on this Anthology and really made
it shine brilliantly. Thank you!
I'd also like to say a big
thank you to my amazing adviser, Dargon, who generously provided me
with much of the technical information I used in this story. I really
couldn't have done it without you! Thank you!
Neoplasia
-By
Emulated
Late 2009, A few days after Christmas…
“Can
you see me now?” I called out, waving my hands in front of the
webcam.
My grandparents waved back from the screen, “Yes,
we can see you Lewis. My, haven’t you grown?” remarked my
Nan, Margaret.
I smiled, “Yeah, perhaps a little bit.”
In truth, I’d seen them only a few months before. I doubt I’d
grown any since then. But at that present moment in time, I stood at
5’8”, my hair was kinda long, but I always gelled it,
spiking some of it up. My eyes were a light green. I would have
preferred blue, but hey, they weren’t that bad. Despite coming
from an English family, I had quite a nice tan to my skin, thanks in
part to holidays in Spain and the US.
“How are you
guys?” I asked, “Have a nice Christmas?”
John,
my granddad, nodded, “We’re fine, and we had a lovely
Christmas didn’t we Mar?” He said, looking at her as she
nodded.
“Yes.” Replied my Nan, “We went over
to Susan’s house, it was quite nice.” She added. Susan
was my auntie, who lived near to my grandparents, along with her
family. “Did you have a nice Christmas?”
I smiled,
“Yeah, I did thanks. Thank you for the shirts.”
“Oh,
you’re very welcome.” Said Granddad, “How’s
everyone else?”
“They’re ok.” I said,
“I’ll take the computer downstairs so you can say ‘hi’.”
I replied as I started to unplug the cables.
My Nan nodded,
“So where is that boyfriend of yours?” She asked with a
grin.
I smiled and looked back at the screen, “Dad’s
picking him up from the airport.” I glanced at the clock, “He
should be here soon.”
“That’s right, I
remember your mum saying something about him visiting Ghana.”
I
nodded, “He spent the Christmas holidays back in Ghana, to see
his dad, and the family that live down there.” I paused, “He’s
coming back today, with his uncle, while his mum and two brothers
will come back next week.”
“He’s spending
the time with you?” She asked, her voice softening
some.
“Yeah, he wanted to spend some of the holiday with
me as we go back to school in a week.” I replied with a
grin.
“Still, a week well worth it, right?” Called
out Granddad.
I nodded, before I heard a knock at my door,
“Come in.” I called out, expecting it to be my sister or
Mum.
“Oh, there he is.” Remarked my Nan, “The
other handsome boy.”
I turned around to see my beautiful
boyfriend standing at the door.
“Hi Lewis.” He
called out.
I stood up and rushed over to him, “Kanyaiti!”
I exclaimed, before I pulled him into a hug.
I pulled back and
looked at him. Kanyaiti (pronounced kane-tee), or Kane, as we
call him, was a few months older than me, he’d just had his
sixteenth birthday before Christmas. He stood at a nice 5’9”
and was of average build. Both of Kanyaiti’s parents were
Ghanaian, which gave him his curly, black hair, (that was currently
cut short), and that gorgeous ebony complexion. He was super hot, and
really cute too. While I was a little more outspoken, Kane was a
little more laid back, not a pushover, but a little quieter. I’d
known Kane for many years, but it wasn’t until the beginning of
that year before we started dating.
“How are you?”
I asked, “I thought Dad was gonna call when you guys were
almost here?”
He smiled, “I’m fine, and I
told him not to call. I wanted to surprise you.”
I
reached forward and hugged him again, “And you did.”
“Ahem.”
Came my Nan’s voice through the computer.
“Oops,
sorry guys.”
“So how’s my other grandson
doing?” Asked my Nan, looking at Kane.
He smiled at her,
“I’m fine, thanks. How are you?”
“We’re
both fine.” She said, “Lewis? Why don’t you take
the computer downstairs and we’ll talk to your sister, so you
can help Kane unpack.”
I turned back to the screen and
nodded, “Alright, I’ll take you guys downstairs.” I
said, picking up my laptop.
“See you Kane!” They
called out.
“Bye.” He replied.
I covered up
the camera and the microphone, “I’ll be back in a minute,
babes.”
He nodded and flashed me a grin, “You
better.”
I winked at him before I ran the computer
downstairs, “Hey Tara.” I called out, looking at my older
sister.
She looked up at me from the TV, glancing at the
laptop in my hands. Tara was a few years older than me at the age of
twenty. Looks wise she was somewhat similar to me in that we had the
same eye and hair colour, and perhaps some other similarities. Tara
was also in her second year of university, which meant that we didn’t
get to see her as often as we’d like, but she’d still
show up during the holidays or on some weekends. She was great fun to
be around and an even better bigger sister. Besides Kane, Tara was
the second person I told about me being gay, and of course, being her
usual self, (and having a friend who was gay), she didn’t care
one bit. She said that as long as I was happy, she would be happy. I
loved her for that.
“Is that Nan and Granddad on there?”
She asked, knowing that I was trying to contact them.
I
nodded, “Yep, they’re all here for you.” I said,
handing it over, as she greeted them.
“Who’s on
there?” Asked my Mum, as she walked in, with Dad in tow. I
smiled at them.
“Your parents.” I replied.
She
smiled, “Are they?” She asked, as she walked over,
sitting next to Tara.
I nodded and turned to my Dad, “Thanks
Dad, for collecting Kane from the airport and stuff.”
He
shook his head, “Not a problem.” He grinned, “He
couldn’t wait to see you, he wouldn’t let me ring
ahead.”
I nodded, “I know.” I placed the
charger on the table near to Tara, in case she needed it, before I
turned to Dad, “Anyway, I better go see him.” I
replied.
He sat down on the other side of my sister, “You
do that.” He said, with a knowing smile.
I blushed
lightly, and went to the door, but not before I glanced at my family
sitting there together, talking to my grandparents. Nobody could have
ever asked for such a loving and accepting family. And sure, while it
took them a short time to get used to the idea of me being gay, none
of them really cared anymore. I was still the Lewis Mitchell that
they knew, their son, grandson, and brother. That’s all they
needed to know, and that’s all they cared about. They were
great.
I stepped out of the lounge and ran up my stairs, into
my room. I sneaked inside, seeing Kane laying back on my bed, looking
so cute. I closed the door behind me, and locked it before I climbed
onto the bed, straddling his waist and staring down at him, into his
brown eyes. I held the stare for a second before I lowered my lips
onto his. I moaned softly on contact with the spongy softness. Two
weeks without those lips gave me a serious deficiency! I needed to be
refuelled! I parted my mouth and extended my tongue, seconds before I
was dancing in his mouth. After a few minutes of lip lock, I pulled
back, grinning at him.
“Miss me?” He asked.
I
kissed him lightly again, “Mmm, yeah.” I paused, “I
couldn’t have lasted another week without you.”
He
giggled, “Were things that bad?”
I nodded, “Oh,
it was terrible.” I joked, “I feel much better
now.”
He stroked my back, “Have a nice Christmas?”
He asked.
“Yes, it was lovely. How was yours?”
“It
was good, nice to see family and stuff.” He looked up at me, “I
have something for you.”
I grinned, “Me too.”
I said, before I sat up, walking over to my desk, retrieving a small
box from the drawer.
Kane wandered over to his bag before he
too retrieved a small wrapped box. He walked back over to the bed and
handed it to me, as I handed mine to him.
“I hope you
like it.” I said, watching as he inspected the small item.
He
smiled, “I will.” He glanced at the one in my hand, “I
hope you like yours.”
I grinned at him, looking into his
beautiful eyes, before I looked down and began to unwrap the gift. I
marvelled at how he wrapped his presents so perfectly, with every
edge folded neatly over. Mine, on the other hand, while not that bad,
weren’t as neat as his. No, I often had to wrestle with mine,
or better still, I’d give the job to Dad.
I pulled the
last sheet from the item and looked at the small box that lay there.
I reached out with my other hand, trying to find the seam, before I
flipped it open, revealing a beautiful bracelet. I took it into my
hand and examined the jewel. It was a mix between silver and gold,
like the links were gold, but there were silver parts too. It was
lovely.
“This is beautiful, babes.” I smiled,
looking at him.
He turned to me, “You’re welcome.”
He said, before he flipped up the lid of his own box, revealing the
ring that was in there. “Oh, wow.” He remarked, looking
at it closely.
I’d bought him a gold ring, with a small
emerald sat at the top. Kane liked to call me, ‘emerald eyes’,
so I figured he’s like that colour. “You like it?”
I asked.
“I love it.” He said, as he pulled it
out, looking at it closely.
I held the bracelet in my hand,
“Could you put it on for me?” I asked.
He placed
the ring on the bed, before he took the bracelet from my hand and
gently secured it on my wrist. It looked really good. “Thank
you.” I replied, as I looked at it.
Kane held the ring
for a second, before he offered me his left hand, “Put it on
for me.”
I smiled at him and took the ring, before I
moved it towards his middle finger. I paused and tapped on his ring
finger, “I’m saving this one.” I said softly,
looking into his eyes.
He beamed at me and bit his bottom lip
cutely.
I placed the ring over his middle finger and pushed it
down. A perfect fit. Thankfully, Kane and I had been fooling around
down town a month or so before, and had tried on one of those ring
measurement things. I instantly remembered his size, in case I would
need it. “Merry Christmas, Kane.” I said, before I
squeezed his hand lovingly.
“Merry Christmas, Lewis.”
He replied, admiring the ring on his finger.
I shifted on the
bed, moving closer to him before I lifted my hand to his face, “I
love you.” I whispered. My mouth inches from his.
“I
love you too.”
*
After
another little tongue-wrestle, Kane and I rested for an hour or so.
Not that I was tired, but Kane had just gotten back from a long
flight, so I snuggled in next to him on my bed and got a few hours
nap. My parents didn’t disturb us during this time, not because
they didn’t want to walk in on something ‘intimate’,
but because they trusted us. If we were going to do anything, it’d
be later, while everyone was asleep.
My parents did come for
us eventually, once dinner was ready, and I have to say, dinner was
fantastic. Even though Christmas had passed a few days before, being
at home, with Mum, Dad, my sister from University, and my boyfriend;
meant the world to me. It was just the closeness, the sense of family
and love. It was all magical.
After dinner, we all sat around
the TV, but we weren’t really watching anything. We were just
talking about stuff. Whether it was Kane talking about Ghana, or Tara
talking about university, it was great. If there was one thing that I
loved about my family, it was the way that they treated Kane. They
treated him like he was a member of our family. They hadn’t
always been like that, sure things were messy when they first found
out about Kane and me, but a year is a long time. I’m just
pleased that they found it in themselves to accept us. Not only as
best friends, but as boyfriends.
Sure enough, shortly after
the clock struck ten, Kane was beginning to look tired again. He
tried to be all cute and tell me that he was fine, but I was having
none of it, so after a quick goodnight to my parents and sister, and
a trip to the bathroom, we were off to bed.
I locked the door
behind me before I walked over to the centre of the room, looking at
Kane.
He eyed the spare bed cautiously, causing me to giggle.
He turned to me, “What?”
“The look on your
face.” I said, before I reached out my hand, tugging him over
to my bed, but he resisted me.
He shook his head, “I
don’t want to get you into trouble.”
I smiled, and
nodded my head over to the door, “The door’s locked,
besides.” I leaned closer, “It’s been too long.”
I whispered.
He looked at me for a second, his dark brown eyes
radiating sexiness, “Ok.” He said quietly, “But you
better be quiet.” He added with a small smile.
“Who?
Me?” I replied, grinning at him.
He nodded, “You.”
I
walked over to the light switch, “I’ll try.” I
replied with a wink, before I flicked off the light.
*
I laid my
head against the pillow, my chest rising and falling rapidly as I
tried to catch my breath. I stared up at the darkened ceiling as Kane
crawled back up the bed, laying next to me and kissing the side of my
head.
“I love you, Lewis.”
“I love
you too, babes.” I said softly, as my breathing came under
control. I turned and faced him, the moonlight through my blinds
lighting up his figure. He reached out and cupped my face, kissing me
gently. I could taste myself on his tongue, as I’m sure he
could taste himself on mine. We kissed for a while longer, before we
lay back, relaxing in the orgasmic afterglow.
After a few
minutes, he reached down and fondled my softening cock, before he
reached lower, rolling my balls in his fingers. I tensed suddenly as
he rubbed them.
“Sorry.” He whispered, before he
touched me lighter. I felt his breath on my neck as he kissed my
shoulder. He touched something down there again, causing me to
jerk.
“Ow!” I said, slightly louder.
He
pulled back, removing his hand, “Are you ok?” He
asked.
“Yeah, it felt weird.”
He
tentatively reached down again and gently massaged the
sack.
“There.” I said, as he came into contact
with one of my balls. I wouldn’t say that it was pain, more of
an ache, a dull ache.
He traced the area with his thumb,
before he sat up
“You noticed that before?” He
asked.
I shook my head, “Noticed what?” I asked,
as I reached down. I slowly rubbed up against my left testicle. One
side was fine, but on the other side was quite a sizeable bulge.
About the size of a pea. I can’t believe I didn’t notice
it before. But that didn’t matter, now that my stomach was
doing back flips.
Kane noticed and looked at me, “Hey,
it’ll be ok. Alright?”
I glanced at him, “What
if it’s serious?” I asked. My mind was instantly
conjuring up the worst possible images.
He shook his head and
stroked my chest, “We’ll make an appointment to see the
Doctor tomorrow, ok?”
I nodded slowly, but it didn’t
ease the feeling I had in my stomach.
“Come here.”
He whispered, opening his arms.
I turned around, facing away
from him so he could hold me close from behind.
He craned his
neck and kissed me softly, “I love you.”
“I
love you too.”
*
I could
feel my left knee juddering slightly. I placed my hand on it, but it
wouldn’t stop. I didn’t get nervous. Well I did, but not
over a trip to the Doctor! I kept willing myself to calm down, but it
seemed that every time I came close to controlling my juddering knee,
it would start up again, jerking more than the last time.
I
glanced around the waiting room, no one else seemed to notice my
‘nervousness’, hell, even Kane sitting next to me didn’t
seem to notice. I was about to stand up and walk about before someone
walked into the room.
“Mr Mitchell.” Called out my
Doctor, as he glanced around the room, before he noticed me.
Kane
squeezed my hand, “It’ll be ok.”
I nodded at
him, squeezing back, before I stood up and headed over towards the
Doctor. I followed him out of the waiting room and into his small
office, closing the door behind me.
“Please, take a seat
Lewis.” He said, as he walked around his desk, sitting down.
“What can I do for you today?” He asked, once I was
seated.
I glanced up at the middle aged man, focusing on his
eyes. I knew what was wrong, but how should I say it? I couldn’t
say balls to him, but didn’t testicle sound too…technical?
I thought for a few seconds. “I’ve found a lump…”
I said, “On my left testicle.”
He nodded, “I
see.” He said, “Ok, well if you jump up onto the bed and
pull your trousers down, I’ll take a look.” He said, as
he reached over and grabbed some rubber gloves out of a box.
I
remained in the chair for a second. This was the part I had been
dreading. I knew he’d have to have a look, maybe even touch me.
I tried to put that out of my mind and focus on the fact that he was
a Doctor. Even so, it was still a troubling thought to have him down
there. What if I got hard? Whenever Kane touched me down there I got
hard, so surely it would happen with him, right? I swallowed and
attempted to calm myself down.
I slowly managed to get my legs
to spring to action as I stood up from the chair and walked over to
the bed. I climbed up onto the tissue covered surface and lay down,
making myself comfortable. I hesitated for a second before I quickly
slipped my trousers down, not wanting to drag on the procedure. But
immediately chastised myself. The last thing I wanted was to seem
eager!
The Doctor wandered back over. I stared intently
at the white ceiling, counting the small white squares, trying to
take my mind off what was happening. Nothing happened for a few
seconds before I felt the Doctor gently touch my balls. He touched
round one side, and then he touched against that lump. I tensed
slightly.
“Sorry about that.” He said, before he
went and done the same thing again!
I felt him examine the
other one gently. As I focused on the patterns on the ceiling, I
couldn’t help but realise how odd it felt to have someone else,
other than Kane, to touch me down there. It wasn’t like I
expected, I mean, it didn’t feel erotic at all. I didn’t
get turned on, and I didn’t get hard. It was…well it was
just odd.
He removed his hand and stood back, “You can
pull your trousers up and sit back down now.” He said, as he
pulled the gloves off inside out, threw them in a bin, and walked
over to the sink.
I swung my legs off the small bed and stood
up, before I quickly pulled my trousers up. I walked over to the
chair and sat down again, as the Doctor finished drying his hands on
a paper towel.
He sat down and typed a few things into his
computer before he looked at me, “Do you have any other aches
and pains in your lower back or abdomen?”
“No,
only in my groin.” I replied.
“Have you found
yourself becoming tired throughout the day?” He asked.
I
shook my head, “I’m not sure. Maybe a little bit, but
I’ve been staying up a bit later in the holidays so I dunno if
it’s that.”
He nodded, making note of it into his
computer, and then turned to look at me, “As you know there is
quite a large lump on your left testicle. Sometimes it can be caused
a type of infection, or it could be something that needs more
attention.” He said, “But to properly determine what it
is, and what’s causing it, I’m going to refer you to the
hospital for an ultrasound and a blood test.”
I looked
at him in disbelief, “Blood test?” I asked. This can’t
be a good sign, I mean, surely some antibiotics or something would
have done the trick if it was something less…serious. But a
blood test AND an ultrasound…That didn’t make me feel
too good.
He nodded, “The results can be used to tell us
what is going on. They will give us a better idea of what we’re
dealing with.”
I glanced down at the table, my mind
swimming with various possibilities, each of them bad.
“Now
you will receive a letter soon with the times for your appointment,
which should be within the next few days.” He said, as he
scribbled something down onto a form.
“Days?” I
asked, not expecting the appointment to be so soon.
He looked
at me, “The quicker we deal with these things, the sooner we
can start to treat them.”
I nodded.
“Do you
have any questions?”
I shook my head.
He offered
me a small smile, “I know it’s hard, but try not to worry
about things, ok?”
I nodded again.
“Ok
then, if there’s anything else, or if you have any worries,
come see me. Ok?”
I swallowed and nodded, “Thank
you.” I said meekly, before I stood up. I walked over to the
door and stepped out, closing it behind me. Kane was waiting near to
the reception. He immediately noticed me as I walked towards him. His
eyes were searching mine, trying to find out anything.
“Are
you ok?” He asked softly, as we walked to the main
door.
“Yeah.” I replied. We stepped outside the
Doctors surgery and began to walk home.
“What did he
say, Lewis?” Asked Kane, once we’d walked a few steps.
I
looked at him, “He wants me to go to the hospital for an
ultrasound and a blood test.”
Kane thought for a moment
before he looked at me closely, “Did he say anything else?”
I
shook my head, “He said it could be an infection or something
more serious.”
He reached out and squeezed my shoulder,
“I’m so sorry Lewis.”
“It’s ok.”
I replied, pausing. “I think I need to tell my parents.”
*
Ten minutes
later I found myself standing in my lounge, where three sets of eyes
were focused on me, four including Kane’s. I initially felt
calm about telling them, but finding myself standing before them
reminded me of another big event in my life; my coming out. It was
virtually the same, but this time it was different. This time I was
just as confused as they were.
I looked at them, “I
found a lump…down there.” I said, lowering my eyes to my
groin. “I’ve been to the Doctor and he’s sending me
up the hospital for an ultrasound and a blood test.”
My
parents stared at me for a second, “What? Why didn’t you
tell us before?” Asked Mum.
“I only found it few
days ago, I didn’t want to worry you in case it wasn’t
anything serious.”
Dad shook his head, “Everything
about you is serious to us, Lewis. No matter what it is.”
I
nodded and stood there for a moment, before my mum shifted on the
sofa, making a space for me. I walked over and sat between her and
Tara.
“Are you ok?” Asked Tara.
“Yeah,
it’s just a little unexpected.”
Dad looked at me,
“Does anything else hurt you?”
I shook my head,
“Only my groin.”
Mum nodded, “Did he say how
long you’ll have to wait for the appointment at the
hospital?”
“A few days.” I replied, “We’ll
get a letter tomorrow or the day after.”
Mum shared a
look with Dad.
“They want you to have an ultrasound?”
Asked Tara.
I nodded, “Yeah, but I don’t really
know what one is.” I said, “I mean I know what it is, but
what does it do, does it hurt?” I asked, looking at my
Mum.
Mum shook her head, “I’ve had one, two
actually.” She said, looking at my sister and me, “It’s
the thing they roll over your belly when you’re pregnant. It
doesn’t hurt, but the liquid they use to glide the thing about
can be quite cold at first. That’s attached to the screen.”
She paused, “It should be the same for you though…”
She said, trailing off, looking at my Dad.
“Yes, it
should be the same thing.” He said, “And you mentioned a
blood test?”
I nodded, “He said it can tell us
what’s happening or something.” I replied, unable to
remember his exact words.
Tara nodded, “It’s
probably just a precaution, to check they don’t miss
anything.”
“Yeah.” I replied, studying my
hands, “Just a precaution.”
*
It was
eventually decided that only Kane and my mum would go with me up to
the hospital. While both my dad and Tara were able to come, I didn’t
want to have everyone up there. It made me feel calmer with just the
three of us.
Once we entered within the hospital, we had to
follow the signs for the Radiology department. We’d been to the
hospital a few times, but we’d only ever been in the Accident &
Emergency section, so the rest of the place was very unknown to me.
But after a five to ten-minute walk, we found ourselves in the
department, next to a desk as I ‘checked’ myself in. I
handed the lady behind the desk my sheet that I received in the
letter, and she typed it into the computers. After a few questions to
check who I was, she told us to take a seat. There weren’t that
many people there. A middle-aged couple and an elderly couple. I
looked at them as we sat down, wondering if either of them were there
for the same thing I was.
We sat there for a few minutes
before my knee began to twitch again. I reached down to place my hand
on it, but Kane reached out and grabbed my hand, before moving them
between us, so people couldn’t see. My knee stopped twitching
as much after that. He didn’t say anything, he didn’t
have to. He wanted me to know that he was there. And as crazy as it
might sound, it was just what I needed. It had an instant calming
effect on my nerves and mind.
“Mr Mitchell?”
Called out a nurse, as she approached us.
I looked up and
nodded, “Yes.”
She gave me a smile, “If you
would just follow me, we’re ready for you now.”
“We’ll
be just here.” Said my mum, before Kane squeezed my
hand.
“Ok.” I replied, as I stood up.
I
followed the nurse across the waiting room and through some double
doors, before we headed towards a room to our left. I suddenly began
feeling quite nervous, not about the ultrasound itself, but by having
a woman do it. Perhaps it was just me being me, but I preferred to
have a male Doctor. Therefore I was quite relieved to see that there
was a man sitting next to the machine, the technician, seemingly he
would be the one to ‘scan’ me. He gave me a smile.
“Mr
Mitchell?” He clarified.
I nodded, “Yes.” I
said, as I watched the nurse close the door, with herself still in
the small, dark room. I looked at her closely as she worked on
something facing in the opposite direction. She did know what I was
there for, right?
“It’s ok.” Said the
technician, sensing my confusion, “It’s standard hospital
procedure to have an extra person in the room when a minor’s
involved.” He continued.
I looked at him and nodded,
“Ok.”
“Please come over here and lay down.”
He said, gesturing to the small bed. I climbed on and lay there, as
he pulled on a glove and grabbed a towel and some tissues. “Can
you pull your trousers down, please. About halfway down your
thighs.”
I nodded and reached down, pulling down my
trousers and underwear in one swoop, exposing my groin. It still felt
odd, but it wasn’t as bad as the first time. I guess being in
the hospital put a different tone on the situation. The technician
placed the towel just above my scrotum, covering the rest of my
penis. He then reached over and grabbed a bottle.
“This
might be a little cold and it might tickle you a little bit.”
He said, before he placed a generous amount of this jelly-like liquid
over my sack. He was right, it was quite cold, but it wasn’t
tickling me. He didn’t rub it in, but rather left it there. He
then reached over and took hold of this piece of equipment. It looked
a bit like an electric shaver, but where the blades would normally be
was a flat, smooth, surface, and on the other end was a cord that was
attached to a screen. The technician spoke, “I’m going to
glide this over your skin, is that ok?”
“Yes.”
I replied, watching intently.
He manoeuvred the shaver-like
item down to my groin and lightly placed it on my sack. He moved it
around a bit, spreading some of the liquid, before he pressed a
button on an odd-looking keyboard. I watched as the screen lit up. I
couldn’t see much at this angle, something that became
impossible once the technician moved the screen towards him. He
started to glide the machine over my testicles, looking at the screen
intently. But with nothing else for me to look at, I laid my head
back and stared at the ceiling.
It was different to the
ceiling in the Doctors surgery; this one was newer. It was laid out
in that office-look, you know the ones with the squares and those
fancy tube lights that have that mirror finish to them. They were all
complete too, with none of the corners missing. I counted them. Six
and a half across and six down.
I felt him gently move the
shaver-esc machine to one side, over the lump. I tensed slightly as
he held it there. He tapped on the keyboard, moving the machine
slightly, before he pulled it off me.
“Ok, you’re
all done.” He said, “You can clean yourself up now.”
I
nodded and sat up, using the tissues to remove the gel type liquid.
Fortunately I wasn’t that hairy down there, so it didn’t
really have that much to get stuck to, but it was still a pain to get
off. If I had the time I’d have just cleaned up the best I
could and jumped into the shower when back at home. But I still had
to take a blood test.
Once I got myself as clean as possible,
I pulled up my trousers but remained on the bed until the technician
came back from the basin, drying his hands.
“Is it ok?”
I asked, looking at him.
He sat down and turned to me, “I
can’t say. I’ve taken some images that we’ll send
up to a Urologist. They’ll call you in with the
results.”
“What about the blood test?” I
asked, before realising he had no idea, “I mean I’m going
for a blood test today, will he get those too?”
“Yes,
he should get those too. It should only be a few days before they
call you in.”
I nodded.
“Ok?”
I
nodded again and stood up, “Thank you.”
He smiled
at me before I turned and left the room.
*
It was
about an hour later when the phlebotomist slowly inserted the needle
into my arm. I didn’t have that much of a problem with needles,
sure I didn’t like them, but they really didn’t bother me
that much. However, I’d never had any blood taken before, so
the experience was quite different. And it hurt a bit more too. I
glanced down at the vial and tube, before I quickly looked away. It
was quite an alarming sight, seeing my blood leaving my body like
that.
“You alright there, mate?” Asked Kane.
I
turned and smiled at him, somewhat meekly, “Yeah.”
He
offered me a smile, which basically said that he wanted to come over
and hold me, taking away any pain and fear. But we both knew that
having him any closer might draw some unnecessary attention. Besides,
it was just a blood test. It’d all be over soon. And a few
seconds later I felt the needle being removed from my arm.
“There
you go.” Said the phlebotomist as she held a piece of cotton
wool against my arm, “Just hold that for me while I get the
bandage.”
I reached up and held it against my arm as she
placed the vial on the side, before getting a bandage. She hovered it
over my hand.
“Ok, you can pull that off.” She
said, so I moved my hand as she applied the small bandage, and
secured it to my arm with some special tape. It didn’t hurt too
much, but it did ache a little. She sat back and smiled, “You’re
all done.”
I nodded at her, “Thank you.”
“You’re
welcome.” She replied.
I stood up and headed over to
where Mum and Kane were.
“Are you ok, sweetie?”
Asked Mum.
I nodded, “I’m ok.”
She
pulled me into a hug, “It’s ok, we’ll get you home
now.”
I felt comforted by that. Not just the hug, but
the thought of being home. I was starting to hate that place.
*
To say the
suspense was killing me would be an understated cliché. Jokes
aside, something could have very well been killing me during that
wait. But I had to wait a few days to find out if things were really
that bad, or if it was something that could be easily treatable.
I
wasn’t worrying all the time, but I’d have moments where
I’d feel really nervous, especially at night, before I went to
sleep. My parents were very kind and let Kane stay with me. Just
having him hold me close as I drifted off made me feel so much
better.
But finally, a few days later, I found myself sitting
inside the Urologist’s office. Doctor Stevens was the
middle-aged man behind his desk. He was the one with the results. He
was the one who’d tell me what was wrong. Kane and my family
were also with me. Kane held one of my hands while my mum held the
other. Dad and Tara were behind me.
Doctor Stevens sat there
in his chair, his hands crossed on the table in front of him.
I
looked into his eyes, seeing if I could read anything into what he
knew. But they offered nothing. After a few moments he opened his
mouth and spoke.
“I’m very sorry to tell you this,
but it is a malignant tumour.” He paused, “You have
testicular cancer.”
I instantly felt both Kane and my
Mum grip my hands tighter, but I can’t remember much of what
happened immediately after that. My vision blurred slightly and my
hearing became distorted for a few seconds.
Cancer.
I
wanted to believe that it wasn’t true, but the moment he said
it I knew, I just knew that there was no mistake. I had cancer. I,
Lewis Mitchell, at age fifteen and seven months, had testicular
cancer.
“It’s going to be ok, Lewis.” Said
Kane, looking at me closely. I managed to focus on his face, on his
words, but my mind was still out of it. It was as though I was only
half there- if that makes sense.
My mum looked at me, I could
tell she was putting on a brave face, “We’re all here for
you, Lewis, every step of the way.”
Tara stepped
forwards and hugged me from behind, placing her head on my shoulder,
“It’s going to be ok.”
I could feel Dad’s
strong grip on my other shoulder, trying to comfort me.
After
a few minutes there was a knock at the door, before Doctor Stevens
appeared. Evidently he had left to give us some privacy. He looked at
us for a moment, as he stepped inside, closing the door behind him.
He walked over to his desk and sat down.
My dad looked at him,
“Are you sure?” He asked, “I mean, are you sure
it’s cancer?”
“I’ve gone over the
results from both the ultrasound and the blood test with one of our
Oncologists. We are quite certain that we’re dealing with
testicular cancer here. The blood test showed high levels of AFP,
certain markers in Lewis’ blood, which indicate that there are
a high amount of cancer cells.”
“So what happens
now?” Asked Tara, her voice softer than usual.
“The
first thing we need to do is check to see whether the cancer has
spread.”
“How will you do this?” Asked
Dad.
He clasped his hands in front of him, “We generally
look into the lymph nodes and some of the organs. To do this we will
have to take a CT scan.” He turned to me, “It doesn’t
hurt and it’s quite similar to an x-ray.”
“What
will happen?” I asked, “About the cancer I have.”
He
turned to me, “While we don’t know the full extent yet,
in cases such as these, we perform a procedure called an
Orchiectomy*. Basically it’s where we remove the affected
testicle.”
I clamped my eyes shut and shook my head
slightly. I wasn’t ready for this, I wasn’t ready for any
of it.
Stevens looked at me, “I know it sounds quite
daunting at the moment, but it’s the best course of action.”
He paused, “If you’re worried about what it would mean
for you, then I can tell you not to worry. The male body is perfectly
capable of functioning normally with only one testicle.”
Kane
squeezed my hand, reassuring me that he was still there.
“Can’t
you just remove the…tumour?” Asked Mum.
He shook
his head, “There are many risks involved with performing that
procedure. It is simply easier and safer, for Lewis, that we remove
the testicle.”
“Will I…” I swallowed,
“My hair…Will I lose my hair?”
“We
can’t say just yet. This is another reason why we need to get
the CT scan done as soon as possible.” He replied.
“When?”
Asked my mum, her voice sounding weaker than usual.
Doctor
Stevens looked at him, “We have Lewis down for one tomorrow at
three o’clock.” He replied before turning to me, “We
also have you booked for the operation this Friday.”
I
looked at the calendar on his desk, it was Tuesday. I had less than a
week.
“Won’t you need the results from the scan
before you can book the operation?” Asked Dad.
“In
most cases, an Orchiectomy is the first action we’d take to
treat the cancer.” He paused, “But we’ll have the
CT results back before Friday, so we’ll consult them to make
sure it’s the best way to treat Lewis.” He looked at me,
“You’ll have another consultation before the operation,
and they’ll go over the CT results with you there.”
I
nodded and glanced away.
“Do you have any more
questions?” He asked, looking at us.
Everyone seemed to
remain silent, “No.” Replied my Dad, “I think we
all need some time to deal with this.”
He nodded and
offered him a small smile, “I understand.” He replied,
looking at me, “If you have any questions before the operation,
be sure to ask them when you come in for your consultation. They’ll
be able to answer any that you have.”
I nodded again, my
mind elsewhere. I felt so tired, so drained. As if the revelation of
having this disease ‘sucked’ away the life from me. I
wanted to go home.
After a few more minutes of idle
conversation between us and the Doctor, my wish was granted and we
left the hospital. Heading for home.
*
Cancer.
I
had cancer.
I could feel it. I could actually feel
it.
What began as a small mass, then turned something that
threatened my life. No, it was taking my life. And I could feel it.
Like something was swallowing me up from the inside, starting with my
groin. It was only a matter of time before it spread throughout me,
into my veins, my blood. Taking over my cells. Killing me.
Why?
Why me?
I was a nice person. I worked
hard at school, I was kind to my family. So what was I doing wrong?
Where did I mess up? Or was it because of something else, was it
because of who I loved? Was it because of who lay there next to me? A
boy? Kane?
I stared up at the dark
ceiling of my room, “Am I being punished?” I asked into
the inky darkness.
A car drove past outside, its headlights
creating streaks across the ceiling through the blinds.
“Am
I so bad, so evil that you need to do this to me?”
Kane’s
gentle breathing lapped against my neck as he slept peacefully.
“You
gave me Kane, but now you want to take that away, why?” I
frowned, “I don’t understand.”
The time on
my clock changed, 3:56 AM.
“Is it because
I don’t believe in you? Is that why you’re punishing me?”
I frowned, “I thought you’re supposed to love everyone,
all of your children.”
“He does.” Replied
Kane softly.
I shook suddenly upon realising he was
awake.
Kane shifted, “Is that what you think, that he’s
punishing you?”
I looked back up, “I don’t
know.”
“He’s not, Lewis.” He said,
squeezing my hand, “He loves you, I love you.”
“Then
what about this?” I asked, “Why is this happening to
me?”
He frowned, “I don’t know why, Lewis.”
He whispered, “But no one’s punishing you. You’re a
good person.”
“Am I?”
“You’re
a wonderful person.” He said, before he leaned closer, “I
pray for you every day, even when you are healthy. And when I do, I
thank him, for sending you.”
“You pray for me?”
I asked.
He nodded, “Not in the strictest sense, but I
close my eyes, bow my head.” He paused, “I know you’re
not religious, but I like to think that there’s a higher power,
someone who can help in times of need.”
“What if
it’s that higher power doing this?”
He squeezed my
hand again, “Then I would not worship that God.”
I
thought for a moment before Kane leaned across and kissed my
temple.
“I know you’re scared right now, but I
will be right here with you. At every step.”
I
nodded.
“I mean it, Lewis. Don’t you worry about a
thing, I’ll take care of you.” He whispered, kissing me
softly again, “I promise.”
*
Three days
later I found myself walking through two large double doors. Once
again I was in the Radiology department, but instead of an
ultrasound, I was there for a CT scan. As I entered the room, I
immediately noticed the large, donut shaped machine in the centre.
There was a small bed type thing that was near to the hole in the
middle of the machine. I guessed that it was where I’d lay as
the machine done its thing. On the other side of the room was a
window where another person seemed to be at work, presumably that was
where they controlled the machine.
The Doctor who led me in
there smiled at me, “If you hop up onto the bed then we can get
started.” She said.
I nodded and climbed onto the
surface.
“Ok, I just need to give you this injection
into your arm.”
I looked at the tube of coloured liquid,
“What is it?” I asked.
“It contains a
special liquid that enhances the image from the scanner. It doesn’t
hurt, but you may get a metallic taste in your mouth for a few
seconds, or feel a little warm.” She said.
I nodded and
watched as she picked up the syringe and held it in her
fingers.
“Just hold your arm out for me.”
I
extended my arm, pulling up the short sleeve of the hospital gown
slightly.
She moved the needle closer and gave me the
injection, causing me to wince slightly at the intrusion. After a few
seconds she pulled it out, “There you go.”
I
nodded and glanced down at it.
She placed the syringe on a
tray, before she turned to me, “We’ll give that a while
to go through.” She said, before she gave me a basic rundown on
what will happen. “And if you hear the words ‘hold your
breath’ through the speakers, breathe in steadily and then hold
for around twenty seconds.” She said.
I nodded,
“Ok.”
“Do you have any questions?” She
asked.
“Erm…” I began.
She smiled at
me, “Yes.”
“It’s safe, right?” I
asked. Part of me thought it sounded stupid, I mean, of course it had
to be safe, otherwise why would they give me one? But on the other
hand, the size of the machine and the white, sterile nature of the
room scared the crap out of me.
She smiled again, “Yes,
it’s quite safe.” She paused, “It gets a bit loud,
but you won’t feel a thing, I promise.”
I stared
at her for a second before I nodded.
“Ok, now I’m
just going to be through the window in there monitoring the
results.”
I nodded again.
“Just remember to
stay really still, otherwise we’d have to redo some parts
again. Is that ok?”
“Yes.” I replied
quietly.
“Good.” She replied, “Now just lay
down and make yourself comfortable.”
I lay my head back
against the pillow and exhaled.
“Is that
alright?”
“Yes.”
“Ok.”
She said, before she pressed some buttons on the machine, causing the
me to move into the machine. I kept moving all the way through until
my head was just out the other side, with my groin in the centre of
the hole.
I listened as her footsteps became quieter, before
she opened the door and stepped out. Leaving me alone in the room. I
lay there for a second. I kept my eyes open, looking at the ceiling
above. I felt my stomach rumble, reminding me that I needed to feed
it. Because of where they were taking the images on my body, I wasn’t
allowed to eat anything solid for the entire morning. It wasn’t
that hard to do, save for the slight discomfort in my stomach.
I
heard the machine begin to make a ‘whirling’ noise, kind
of like a washing machine. It wasn’t too loud, but it wasn’t
that pleasant either. I closed my eyes and tried to focus my mind on
something else. It wasn’t easy, but I managed to stop worrying
about the scan so much. Instead I focused my mind on Kane, or more
specifically what it must have been like in Ghana.
I’d
never been myself, but Kane travelled there at least once every year,
he always had done since I’d known him. I remembered him
telling me how hot it was during the summer months, that living over
here, in England, had made him used to a cooler climate. Similarly,
if his dad came over here in the winter months, I bet he’d be
in for a surprise too.
“Hold your breath.” Came a
voice through the speakers.
I opened my eyes, realising that
the machine was now above me, evidently it had moved, or better still
the bed I was laying on was moving, placing my abdomen under the main
part. I inhaled deeply and held my breath.
I held it for
around twenty-seconds when the voice came through, “You can
breathe again now.” I exhaled deeply, taking a few strong
breaths to normalise my breathing.
This happened a few more
times, before the machine finally stopped making any noise, and the
bed started to slide out.
“It’s finished, Lewis.”
Came a voice through the speaker, seconds before the door opened and
in stepped the Doctor. She walked over to me, “You can sit up
now, just do it slowly.”
I nodded and sat up on the
small bed.
“That didn’t hurt, did it?” She
asked, with a small smile.
I managed a smile myself,
“No.”
“Good. I’ll take you back to the
changing rooms so you can get dressed and then we’ll go back
out the front. Ok?”
I nodded and followed her over to
the changing rooms. Once I finished getting dressed back in my own
clothes, I followed the Doctor back out to where Kane and Mum were.
They immediately stood up once they noticed me.
Mum looked at
me, “How did it go?” She asked.
The Doctor nodded,
“We got some good images. Lewis did a good job.” She
said.
“Can we take him out now?”
She
glanced at the clock, “It’s been forty-seven minutes
since he had the injection. He should be ok to leave now.” She
turned to me, “And as long as you feel ok, Lewis. Then there’s
no reason you can’t go home.”
I nodded, “I
feel ok. A little sore from laying there.”
She smiled,
“It’s not the most comfortable place to be, but at least
it’s done now.”
I nodded again.
“I
hope everything else goes well for you while you’re
here.”
“Thanks.” I replied.
She
smiled at me one more time, “I’ll see you later,
bye.”
“Bye.” I replied, as she wandered off
back towards the way we came.
“You ready to go home?”
Asked Kane.
I nodded, “Yeah. And I could really do with
something to eat.”
*
We had one
more meeting at the hospital before my op. I initially thought that
it’d be with Doctor Stevens, but it turned out to be with an
Oncologist, a Doctor who works with cancer. His name was Doctor
Vasilyev. Despite his clearly Russian name, you couldn’t tell
that if you heard his voice. While I assumed he’d have an
accent, he had none at all. He seemed like any other English
guy.
“Please, take a seat.” He said, as we took
our seats in his room. Like the last consultation, my family, along
with Kane were present.
I offered him a smile, and watched as
he sat down.
He glanced briefly at the file in front of him,
before looking up at me. “I’ve looked over the CT scans
with the radiology department.” He began, before he smiled,
“And I’m pleased to tell you that there does not appear
to be any signs showing that the cancer has spread from your
testicle.”
I felt something rush through me at that. It
was the best bit of news I’d had in nearly two weeks. I smiled
at that, turning to Kane and grinning at him. He returned it by
squeezing my hand. I felt Mum, Dad and Tara grip my shoulders, or my
arm, pleased to hear the news. After a few minutes I looked up at
Doctor Vasilyev.
“What does that mean exactly?” I
asked. I knew it was good news, but clearly I still had cancer. So I
wanted to know how this would affect me, or better still how it would
affect my treatment.
“As the cancer is localised within
your testicle, it means that we’re dealing with a Stage I
cancer, in other words, it’s in its early stages.” He
replied
“What does this mean for treating Lewis?”
Inquired Tara.
Doctor Vasilyev nodded, “Stage I
testicular cancer puts us in a good position to treat Lewis.”
He said, “It also has one of the highest cure rates of all
cancers.”
Mum and Kane squeezed my hands again at
that.
Dad looked at him, “So after the operation, on
Friday, it should be all gone?”
“We will have to
perform some more blood tests after the operation to make sure, but
for the most part, the cancer would be removed from your body.”
He replied, looking at me.
That pleased me, but it also made
me feel slightly uneasy. The only thing that stood between me and the
cancer was the testicle. And while it had to go, it was a part of who
I was, what I was. Male.
Mum looked at him, “We were
told he would be fine with one testicle, but could you explain that a
bit?” She asked.
I looked at the Doctor, awaiting the
answer. The day before we arrived at the hospital, we made note of
the questions that we’d like answered. There weren’t that
many, but some were quite serious.
“Yes. Lewis’
body will easily be able to perform all tasks with only one
testicle.” He looked at me, “This includes all sexual
tasks. Everything that you can do with two testicles you can do just
as well with one.” He said, pausing, “The remaining
testicle will enlarge slightly in order to produce more sperm and
more testosterone. So that will be nothing to worry about.”
Dad
looked at him, “What about a prosthetic testicle?”
“That
is an option open to Lewis in this case. If you’d like to have
a prosthetic one fitted, we generally do it several weeks after the
operation. ” He replied.
We asked a few more questions,
notably what the operation would ensue and what the recovery period
would be like.
“In two days time, you’ll come
into the hospital and head for Ward 7a, our Paediatric Surgery ward,
as you’re under eighteen. Once there, the nurses will be able
to get you ready, help you get changed, and will show you around the
ward.” He paused, “When it’s time for your
operation, one of the nurses will take you up to the Operating Room.
Once there, one of the nurses will take over and take you into the
theatre when they’re ready.” He looked at me, “Is
that ok, so far?”
I nodded.
“The operation
itself is quite simple, a small incision is made above your pubic
bone, and we remove the testicle.”
I looked at him,
alarmed, “What?”
He nodded, “Were you
assuming that we’d make an incision in the scrotum?”
“Erm,
yeah.” I said. Surely that was the easiest way.
He shook
his head, “That is the common belief, but very few
Orchiectomies are performed like that.” He paused, “It
doesn’t pose any more risks to you, and it is in an easier
place to care for after the operation.”
I
nodded.
“After the operation, you’ll be kept under
close supervision in a recovery room. When your vitals are ok, and
the Doctors are satisfied that you’ll be ok, you’ll be
sent back down to the Paediatric Surgery ward.” He paused, “You
may or may not be awake at this point. But when you do wake up, it’s
normal to feel a little disorientated for a moment, perhaps a little
dizzy too, but that’ll pass. After a while, a nurse or Doctor
will come along and inspect your wound, and ask you how you
feel.”
He explained a more things to me and also said
that I was to stay in hospital over night so they could see how I was
doing. That part didn’t bother me that much, my stomach was
still doing back flips over the idea of losing my testicle.
After
about another ten-minutes, where we asked a few more questions, we
began to leave, but as the others got up, I sat there and turned to
them.
“Erm, could I stay…” I said trailing
off, “I have something I’d like to..check.”
Dad
nodded at me, “That’s fine. We’ll just be
outside.”
Kane looked at me and I just smiled at him
slightly. I didn’t want him to feel like I was keeping things
from him, but it would be embarrassing enough to ask the question,
let alone with him there too.
I waited until they left the
room before I looked at the Doctor.
He looked at me, waiting
for me to speak.
“I just want to check…” I
paused, “I mean, if I’ve been with someone…sexually,
they can’t catch this, right?” I asked.
He shook
his head, “No. Cancer is not infectious.” He looked at
me, “Your partner can’t ‘catch’ cancer from
you.”
“In any way?” I asked, wanting to be
clear.
“No. Not in any way.”
I nodded,
relaxing some at that. At least Kane wasn’t in any risk. “Erm,
you also said that I’d be fine with one testicle
doing…sexual…stuff…” I said trailing
off.
He nodded, listening to me.
“Well, did you
mean everything, like everything I can do now?” I asked.
He
smiled at me and nodded, “Yes. There will be very little change
there.” He began, “Firstly, you will still have a sexual
appetite, so your feeling towards people won’t change.
Secondly, you will still be able to get and maintain an erection, and
thirdly, you will still be able to ejaculate and orgasm.” He
paused, “You may find that you don’t make as much sperm
as you used to, but there will still be more than enough if you’d
like to father a child.”
I nodded at that. I felt a lot
happier knowing that I could still ‘perform’ for
Kane.
“Is there anything else I can help you with?”
He asked warmly.
I offered him a small smile and shook my
head, “No, thanks. I think you answered everything.”
He
nodded and picked up a small folder, “Here are some sheets and
booklets with all the necessary information about both the operation
and your stay at the hospital.” He said, patting it, “It
also contains the instructions on how to prepare for the operation.
Just remember to follow those carefully and everything should go
fine.”
I took them from him and stood up, “Thank
you.”
“You’re welcome.” He replied,
standing up and walking me to the door, “I hope everything goes
well.”
“Thanks.”
*
The next
thirty hours passed by in what seemed more like thirty minutes. I
looked at the clock and checked the time, 8:26. My operation
was due for 11:30. I had a little over three hours before I was in
the theatre. Three hours before I lost part of me.
I sat back
in my chair and glanced out of the car window, watching as the
hospital came into view. I could feel my leg start doing its thing
again, but Kane reached over and placed his hand on it. I turned and
looked at him. He gave me a small reassuring smile, but I could tell
that he was deeply concerned for me, as though he could sense my
deepest fears. I looked into his eyes, the same dark brown eyes that
I fell in love with, and in those I found some strength. I saw Kane.
I had to be brave, for him, for us.
I reached across and
interlaced my fingers with his, before I leaned over and rested my
head against his shoulder.
“I love you, Lewis.” He
said softly.
“I love you too, Kane.”
About
seven minutes later, I found myself entering the hospital, along with
Kane and my family. After a short look on a map, we managed to find
where the ward was. It took us a little under five minutes to walk
there. I couldn’t believe how large the place was from the
inside. There were corridors here, elevators there, Doctors and
Nurses everywhere. I also assumed that there wouldn’t be that
many people there at that time in the morning, but as it turned out,
there were quite a few.
When we entered the ward, I took a
moment to glance around. It was quite a large place, with various
rooms all lined with about six or eight beds each. I looked ahead and
noticed a desk, so we headed over to it. The young woman behind there
smiled at us.
“Can I help you?”
“This
is my son, Lewis Mitchell, he’s having an operation here
today.” Said Dad.
She nodded and typed it into the
computer, “Yep, that’s fine. If you just give me a
moment, I’ll go and get someone.” She said, before she
headed off.
I took the chance to look about again. On the
whole, it all looked pretty modern, with beach-coloured wood on the
tables, flat screen monitors. It helped put me at ease. I looked into
the other direction, to where some beds were and could see that the
curtains had been pulled around most of those. Seeing as this was the
Paediatric ward, there would only be children up here. And being
almost sixteen, I must have been at the upper end of that
boundary.
“Hello.” Came a voice behind me.
I
turned around and watched as a young man approached me.
“I
am Nurse Richards.” He said, smiling warmly, “I’ll
help you get settled in and get you to your unit.” He added. He
appeared to be in his mid twenties and was quite attractive. “Would
you like me to call you Lewis, or Mr Mitchell?” He asked, as he
took hold of a file from the desk.
“Lewis is fine.”
I replied.
He smiled at me, “It’s nice to meet
you, Lewis.” He said, before he looked at the others, “You
must be the Mitchells.” He said, “All of them it seems.”
He joked.
I grinned at that, along with my family, “Yes,
we’re all here.” Said Dad. He glanced at Kane, but knew
that I wouldn’t want him to draw attention to that, “And
a friend too.” He added.
Nurse Richards smiled, “Well,
Mitchell family and friend, I’ll begin by showing you all
around the ward, so you know where everything is.” He said
before he glanced at them again, “As there’s four of you,
you’re in luck that the hospital allows four people to be
around the bed at any one time. So you can all stay with Lewis.”
He said, “I’ll talk more about that later.”
I
nodded. At least I didn’t have to worry about not seeing
everyone at once.
Nurse Richards spent the next ten-minutes or
so walking us around the ward, before he led me over to the bathrooms
where I could get changed. Both my family and myself read thoroughly
through the sheets and documents that were given to us at the
consultation. There were a few things on there that I wasn’t
particularly keen on, such as shaving away my pubic hair, and to take
some laxatives the day before. I also wasn’t allowed to eat any
solid food for breakfast, so I’d be fasting until around dinner
time.
But the part in the documents that wasn’t too bad
was the fact that during my time in the ward, I was allowed to wear
some pyjamas brought from home. Unfortunately I hadn’t had a
pair of pyjamas for about six years, but Dad and Tara ventured out to
get some.
After I finished getting dressed, I put on my
slippers and walked back outside, where my parents were talking to
Nurse Richards. It felt a bit odd to be wearing pyjamas again, even
more so when the other guys were wearing clothes, but it didn’t
bother me too much. Nurse Richards turned to me.
“You
all set?”
I nodded, “Yep.”
“Good,
let me show you to your unit and bed.” He said, as he led us
through the ward. After a quick walk, we stepped into one room where
there were about six beds inside, “This is for the older kids,
like yourself. Everyone in here are thirteen and over.” He
said, lowering his voice slightly, “Some of them might still be
resting, so please be as quiet as you can.”
We all
nodded and headed over to a bed, one close to the door. I glanced
around, three of the other beds were seemingly occupied with other
kids as the curtains were drawn around them.
“There we
go.” Said Nurse Richards as we stopped next to one of the beds,
“If you want to step around, I’ll pull the curtain.”
He said, causing the other guys to shift forwards, as he pulled the
curtain around us. “That’s better.” He said, before
he turned to me, “You can get onto the bed now, Lewis.”
I
nodded and slipped off my slippers before I climbed on, slid my legs
under the sheets, and pulled them up to my waist. Nurse Richards
waited until my head was back, before he pressed a button, causing me
to move into a sitting up position.
“How’s that,
comfortable?” He asked.
“Yes.”
He
smiled, “Good.” He glanced around the unit, “I’ll
quickly show you where everything is, and then I need to check your
vitals.”
I nodded and watched him as he showed us where
everything was. Like the small bedside table, a small locker where I
could store any personal items, and the fancy tv/phone/computer
device that was attached onto the wall, but was on a kind of ‘rig’
that let it slide around in front of me as I sit on the bed. He also
showed me how I could call for someone if I needed help.
“Ok,
Lewis. Now I’m just going to take your vitals and check a few
things before the Doctor arrives, ok?”
I nodded.
“Ok
then.” He said, before he put me through a quick check up,
listening to my heart and chest, taking my blood pressure, all the
usual stuff. He finished taking the measurements and turned to me,
picking up one of the files he was carrying, “I just need to
ask you a few questions now.”
I nodded again.
“Can
you tell me why you’re here today?”
I looked at
him, expecting it to be a joke. He’s asking me why I’m
here. Is he kidding me!?!
He smiled, “Relax, we
know why you’re here, I just want you to tell me why
you’re here.”
I still didn’t see what he was
getting at, but I figured I’ll answer, “I’m here to
have…erm…I’m having an operation to…”
I stammered, unable to find the right words, “…remove
a…testicle.” I said, my voice barely a whisper.
He
nodded and looked at me closely, “It’s going to be ok,
Lewis. Just one step at a time.”
I nodded.
“Ok,
can you tell me when you last ate a solid meal?”
“Yesterday,
for dinner. I had a sandwich.”
He nodded as I spoke,
writing it down on a clipboard.
“That’s fine. Are
you experiencing any pain in your groin now?” He asked.
“A
little.”
He nodded and took it down, “Ok that’s
it.” He said, as he put down the board, “The Doctor
should be along in a little while and he’ll want to talk to you
and to see your testicle.”
I nodded, “Ok.”
He
smiled at me, “I’ll just be doing my rounds, but if you
need anything, just call one of us over. Ok?”
I nodded
again, “Yeah. Thanks.”
He grinned back before he
stepped over to the curtain, pulled it back a bit, and stepped
through, leaving us alone.
Only minutes seemed to pass before
the Doctor appeared, while it was about a half-hour in reality. As
Nurse Richards said, he asked me questions about myself, my general
heath, before he wanted to see my groin.
“Ok, I just
need to check your testicle now, if that’s ok.” He
said.
I glanced over at my family as they sat there, but Dad
understood, “We’ll just be out here.” He said,
before they upped and headed out of the curtain surrounding
us.
Again I wanted Kane to stay, but I didn’t know if
it’d be worth the risk. The Doctor would inherently know what
was going on between us then, and I didn’t want him to treat
me, treat us differently because of it. So I let him go.
As
for the ‘checking my testicle’ part, it didn’t
bother me so much. He touched it very lightly, feeling the lump,
before he removed his hand. He asked me if I had any pain anywhere
else, but I told him I didn’t. He seemed satisfied with that,
before he left and went about the rest of his rounds.
After
the Doctor left us, we were pretty much left to our own devices for
the rest of the morning. We didn’t do much, just talking about
different things. But as I looked at the others, it was clear that
they all looked so tired, like they’d gotten very little sleep.
I didn’t get that much myself. Every time I’d go to drift
off, another thought would enter my mind. And despite my strongest
attempts to think of something else, my mind would always return to
one thing; the cancerous tumour in my groin. Or worse still, the
impending operation.
I hadn’t thought that much about it
again since I’d entered the hospital, but it was a little over
an hour later, when Nurse Richards came to my bed did those feeling
come rushing back to me.
“Ok, they’re ready for
you upstairs now.” He said.
I nodded and began to move
about on the bed before he stopped me.
“You can stay
there.” He said, “We’ll move you up there.”
I
looked at him, “I’m ok to walk.”
He shook
his head, “It’s hospital policy.” He said, as he
turned off the wheel locks and lowered the back of the bed down,
“Just lay back and enjoy the ride.”
It was one odd
feeling to be wheeled about on a bed. Perhaps a better word would be
disorientating. It was like someone was ‘rolling’ a film
before your eyes as the ceiling moved past. My family and Kane
accompanied me upstairs, into the Operating Room ward, before Nurse
Richards handed me over to the Nurse on duty there.
She
wheeled me into another room, where she then let me sit up again, as
we waited for the Anesthetist.
It didn’t take long,
about five minutes before the man arrived. He had all my details on
file such as my weight and height, so he already had the right dosage
for me in the injection. As he started to prep himself, I glanced
around at my family, before I turned to Kane.
I looked at him,
my eyes wide. Everything had happened so fast over the past few days,
and now I was about to go into surgery. I was going to go in there as
a man and come out as…less. I clenched my eyes shut at
the thought. Before I opened them again, looking at Kane. I wanted to
tell him so much, how much he meant to me, how much I cared for him.
How much I loved him for being there for me during all of this. Never
once complaining. He was simply there.
I reached out for him,
he looked at me for a moment before I extended my hand further.
“I
love you.” I said softly.
He smiled, “I love you
too.”
The Anesthetist turned around, and hovered the
needle above my arm, “Are you ready?”
I
nodded.
He reached out and gave me the injection, before he
pulled it out and placed it on a tray, “So, Lewis, what sports
do you do at school?” He asked, turning to me.
I looked
at him, “Uh, football, rounders…” I began, as I
felt this cool sensation run up my arm, “Tenn- god this thing
feels wei-“ And I was out like a light.
*
And as if
I’d blinked, I was awake again. I opened my eyes, staring up at
the ceiling. A different ceiling. I looked intently at the
squares and the tiles. It took me a few seconds before I realised I
could hear movement, yet, I couldn’t seem to move. I tried to
panic, but I couldn’t do that either. I lay there, before I
felt someone stroke the side of my face. Kane came into view,
smiling. His lips were moving and I could hear the sound, but I had
no idea what he was saying. Yes, it was English, but I couldn’t
understand him. After a few seconds he stopped talking. Probably
realising that I couldn’t understand him.
After a few
more minutes, some more things began to make sense, and my head felt
less…’cloudy’.
“How do you feel?”
Came a voice.
I turned my head and looked at Nurse Richards
standing there, seemingly I was back in the ward. “Tired.”
I replied, trying to swallow, “And thirsty.”
He
nodded, “We need to give it a little while for your body to
wake up again before we give you anything to drink, ok?”
I
nodded meekly.
“How do you feel down there?” He
asked, gesturing to my abdomen.
I concentrated on the
feelings, “It hurts a bit.”
“Like an ache,
or a sharp pain?”
“More of an ache.”
He
nodded again and wrote that down on his board, “I can give you
some medicine for that.” He looked at me, “Do you have
any pains anywhere else? Or anything else uncomfortable?”
I
shook my head.
He smiled, “Ok. Give me a few minutes and
I’ll be back with the medicine.”
“Thank
you.”
Kane looked at me, he was much closer as he lay
his head near mine, “How are you Lewis?”
“I’m
ok.” I said softly, before I noticed that Mum, Dad and Tara
were standing behind him, “Hey guys.”
“Hey,
are you ok, baby?” Asked my mum, as she stroked my forehead.
I
nodded, “Yeah.” While I was feeling more and more awake,
I still felt a little ‘out’. I guess I’d need a few
minutes.
In reality it did take a few minutes, and within an
hour I felt a little bit better. Coupled with the fact that I was
allowed a whole cup of water, I felt quite a bit better. Actually
that’s a lie. A complete lie. I probably felt the worst I ever
had. Sure Kane and my family told me that the operation was a
success, a claim that was backed up when the Doctor came to visit.
But to me it wasn’t a success at all. I lost. I lost a very
important part of me, of who I was.
I dunno, it wasn’t
so much the physical feelings I had in my groin, but the
psychological and emotional pain I was feeling inside my head. Every
time I’d look at Kane, my Dad, or any other male, I couldn’t
help but feel like I was less. Some would say I’d always been
at a disability when trying to assert more of my masculinity because
I was gay, but back then I’d tell them to stick it. But with
only one testicle…I guess I didn’t have the balls
anymore to be a real man. In both senses of the phrase.
*
My first
night on the ward was one weird experience. Sure it was great to have
Mum there with me, but it still felt odd. It was kinda like that
sleepover you have when you’re like eleven-years-old or
something, when you keep getting up at the sound of any odd noise.
Whether it was the sounds of a machine bleeping, or someone coughing.
It worked very well to keep me disturbed. At one point during the
night, or early morning, I awoke to the sound of both my parents
whispering. I couldn’t make out much of what they were saying,
but I assumed that Dad had come to ‘relieve’ Mum.
But
it was during that short time with my parents did I really see what
it had been like for them. I could tell from their voices, from the
way they acted that they were scared. Scared of what could happen to
their son. But the part that struck me was the fact that they didn’t
care that I had one testicle, to them they were thankful that I was
still alive. That got me thinking for a few seconds, but not for too
long, as finally, in the comforting presence of both my parents, I
fell asleep.
*
One week later
I’d
had the dressing taken off a few days before, when I also had another
blood test. This gave me my first proper sight of my wound on my
abdomen. It wasn’t as nasty as I imagined, sure it didn’t
look that good, but they said that it’d heal some. So hopefully
that wouldn’t be so bad.
The worst part was when I first
saw my testicle after the operation. I remember the exact moment in
time, as I stood there, looking at it. Tears filled my eyes. I’d
known what had happened during the operation, I knew what had to be
done, but seeing the conclusion still shook me. It shook me every
time. I reached down, my fingers trembling slightly as they came in
contact with the singular object. It didn’t really hurt that
much anymore, not as much as before. There was a little bit of pain,
but nothing I couldn’t handle, with the help of some light
medication.
I heard a knock at the bathroom door. So I pulled
up my trousers and walked over, unlocking it.
Kane stood
there staring at me. I just looked at him. I wanted to hold it in,
show him that I was still a man, a man with one testicle. But I
couldn’t. I just couldn’t. It hurt. It really,
really hurt and I needed someone. Kane walked forward, holding
onto me as I buried my face in his shoulder. And in those minutes, I
let go of everything.
It took me a few days to get over the
initial shock of seeing myself down there. But finally, after one
week once I left the hospital, something started to pick up. Whether
it was the way Kane was around me, or some inner struggle I had with
myself, I’d seem to overcome some hurdle. It wasn’t a big
step, but it was something, an inch, a millimetre in the right
direction. Having my dressing off also meant that I could finally
have a wash all over, without worrying about things getting wet. It
felt so good to stand in my shower and let the water flow over me. I
think I stood there for a whole five minutes without moving. Just
enjoying the feeling of the warm water cascading over my body. It
felt invigorating, it felt fresh. It was happiness trapped in a
moment. A moment that I wanted to last forever.
*
During the
next week or so, I made a few visits to the hospital so they could
check the wound, and better still, I also got the results of my
second blood test. They seemed to follow the pattern of the previous
test, in that the AFP levels, the markers that indicated cancer
cells, were dropping. They were very close to normal. This, in
concert with another CT scan showed that there was little evidence of
any more tumours laying within my body. While this news in itself was
fantastic, it also meant that I wouldn’t need any more
treatment. No chemotherapy, and no radiotherapy.
It seemed
that I was very fortunate enough to catch the cancer at an early
stage. Had I waited an extra few weeks, or even a month, then the
situation could have been much worse. Dire even; something that I
couldn’t bear to think about.
And with my body on the
highway to recovery, it also meant that the next thing I’d have
to conquer would be going back to school. While we told the head
teacher and some of the attendance staff the reason for my
three-week-long absence, I ultimately decided to use a cover story. I
wasn’t ashamed that I had cancer, but I was still struggling
with having only one testicle. And that was one fact that I didn’t
want anyone else to know about. So to everyone else I had the flu,
with some minor complications.
My Doctor, once aware of my
situation, promptly gave the school a medical certificate to
authorise my absence. I was also to have one further week off before
I were to start back. And to be completely honest, it would be great
to get back, to make me feel normal again, even if I didn’t.
I
still had my inhibitions about having one testicle, something that
didn’t want to change, but it was on the Friday night, two
weeks after my operation, did I take a leap. A leap of faith.
Kane
looked at me as I lay on the bed, “Lewis? Are you ok?”
I
nodded, “Yeah, just tired.” I said, turning onto my
side.
He followed my face and looked into my eyes, “Lewis,
it’s ok. Let me look.”
I shook my head, “No.”
He
watched me for a moment before he climbed up the bed, looking deep
into my eyes, kissing my forehead, “I love you, Lewis.”
“I
love you too.” I whispered back.
“You know I won’t
laugh, or say anything horrible to you, don’t you?” He
asked softly.
I frowned.
He gently rubbed my arm,
“You’re so beautiful Lewis. Nothing can change that.”
I
felt my eyes well up with tears, as I bit my bottom lip.
“Look
at me.”
I glanced upwards, looking into his dark brown
eyes.
“I love you.” He said, before he kissed me
lightly. After a few seconds he pulled back, and slowly crawled back
down the bed. He rested his hands on the top of my thighs, “Can
I look?” He whispered, “Please?”
I don’t
know why he wanted to look at me. What was he expecting to find? I
didn’t know, I was at a complete loss there. It wasn’t
him seeing me that scared me, it was what he’d think after he
saw. Or what he would do. Kane had been so good to me during the
whole thing, and I didn’t want him to…to…
I
didn’t want him to think less of me. He meant so much to me, I
could afford to risk everything on one little…nuisance. But it
was there. It was fact. I had one testicle.
He looked into my
eyes again, “Nothing will stop me from loving you. Nothing.”
I
stared into his dark brown depths, searching his soul. I found my
answer and nodded my head.
His eyes flicked to my groin before
he carefully pulled my boxers down, removed them off my legs, before
he tenderly parted my thighs. I had never felt so naked and
vulnerable before. I didn’t care about the Doctors and Nurses
who’d seen me like this, but at that moment, with Kane,
everything mattered to me.
“You’re so beautiful…”
He said softly, looking up at my face, “Lewis.”
I
looked down at him, my eyes wide, seeing if he meant it.
He
looked at my groin again, “So beautiful.”
I
watched as his stare lingered on me before he looked at my
face.
“Can I?” He asked, holding out his hand.
I
nodded slowly. I expected him to touch me with his finger, but
instead he leaned forward and kissed me. Kissing my sack. It wasn’t
sexual, but it was the most sensual moment that we had ever shared.
He sat up and slowly extended his hand, gently cupping me.
I
lay back and looked at my white ceiling, tears in my eyes.
Kane
climbed up and lay next to me, wrapping my nude form in his arms.
I
didn’t say anything.
He didn’t say anything.
We
just lay there. Together.
*
Three Months Later
I
looked out on the horizon. Everything was so peaceful, so tranquil.
Never in my life had I felt so alive, so attuned to nature. I could
feel more, I could feel everything around me, as though I was one
with this part of the world. In complete solace. Kane leaned over and
kissed me lightly, “You’re so beautiful, Lewis.” He
said, before he hugged me tighter, covering me from the wind.
Did
having cancer change me? Yes, in some ways. Did it make me less of a
man? No. Nothing could change that. It isn’t the physical
appearance alone that constitutes who or what a man is. It comes from
within. It comes from my soul.
So what changed? Not much. I
still have my family and friends. I still have Kane. And my heart
still beats. In hindsight, that’s all I’ll ever need. You
could take away everything else, and I’d still be the happiest
man alive.
I snuggled closer to him, watching as his smooth
face and glistening eyes reflected the orangey hues of the sun. I
turned back, watching as it slipped below the horizon of the hill. It
was so beautiful, so exquisite; almost heavenly.
-This Anthology is dedicated to the all the incredible people who work tirelessly within the medical profession. Their hard work and sacrifices save countless lives every day. They bring a true meaning to the word 'heroes'.
Thank
you for reading this Anthology entry, I hope you enjoyed it.
Now,
before you wander off, I'd really like you to do something for me!
It's simple, I just want you to take your hand, reach into your
pants, cup your testicles, and have a good feel about for anything
odd. If something feels odd, compare it to the other side to make
sure. (If you're female, tell your nearest male friend to do the
same!) Go ahead, I'll wait!.....Ok, done? Good. If you didn't feel
anything odd, or weird, that's great, that's awesome! But if you did
find something, that's good too (at least you know it's there now!).
So what do you do? Simple. Go see your Doctor. Believe me, that's the
best thing you can do. They've seen hundreds of testicles during
their time (all shapes and sizes too!), so I'm sure they'll be just
as privileged to see yours! Once they take a look, (and perhaps a
little feel- it really isn't that bad, honest!), they can tell you
what they think, and better still, they can get things done.
If
you're sitting there and you have found something, don't stay sitting
there. It will not just 'go away'. Remember, the Golden
Rule
is to get it seen to as SOON as possible. 'Sometime
next week'
isn't as soon as possible! So get moving! Now, it may not be cancer,
but it could still be something very serious. So please,
I'm asking you as an author, as a fellow male, as a friend, to go and
see your Doctor if you notice ANYTHING out of the ordinary.
Do
it for yourself, do it for your friends and family, do it for
me.
Thanks!
;-)
All
comments and constructive criticisms are greatly appreciated.
I
respond to every email, so feel free to send me a message, even if
it's just to say, “Hi!”
You can E-mail me at:
emulatedlove[at]gmail.com
Discuss this story with other
readers at: http://www.gayauthors.org/
This
Anthology also has a short two part analysis, which can be found on
my blog here.
You
can visit my blog at: www.emulatedblog.com
for news about future chapters and my other stories.
Note:
This story was originally posted as part of GayAuthors.org's Autumn
2009 Anthology. You can visit GayAuthors.org here.
Thanks
Again!
Emulated
*
For more information about the Orchiectomy procedure, please take a
look at this link.
Copyright © 2009 By Emulated