Never Regret Yesterday
This is a story of friendship, commitment, love and trust. It is not a sex story. However, this story deals with love between two male teenagers. If you are offended by stories involving love between two teenage boys, please do not read this story. There will be some sex scenes in this story; however, sex is not the main theme.
If you are under age 18 or 21 or it is illegal to read this story where you live, don't read it. tlc_TLC_uk-Stories:Trust retains copyright to this story. Reproducing this story for distribution without the owner's permission is a violation of that copyright.
Hey, peeps! It's me, Sam. I'd like to thank those who emailed us - if you haven't received a reply you will. I'm starting out this chapter of our life but don't worry my part is not that long (He's refering to the story - Jordan).
Booya! Hey! Jordan here. We went sking this weekend It was Sam's first time skiing actually he tried snowboarding, but failed miserably and switched to ski's. He's a natural...snowball! You know rolling down the slopes! He-he. Ow! There he goes beating on me again! Anyway, hope you enjoy this chapter. Let us hear from you!
Peace and go with love!
I looked for Jordan at lunchtime. I found out that he went home for lunch, so I went and sat down against a wall near the bike rack. I closed my eyes and just thought about what I was going to say to him. I feel asleep.
"Hey, Sam," he said as he gently shook my shoulder, "The bell is about to ring."
"Huh? Oh, yeah, Jordan, uh, look I'm really sorry about yesterday. You were absolutely right."
"Hey! I was being an asshole. I'd been up all night working. I got to go. Can't be late for class," he said turning and sprinting away.
"Hold up Jordan," I called, but it was too late he was gone. The day sort of dragged on I guess I was sort of really anxious about catching Jordan after school. I was hoping like heck that he'd wanted to just hang out with me for a while. I kept thinking about being so attracted to him. I mean he was gorgeous and all, but there was something else. When the last bell rang I ran for the bike rack. His bike was still there.
"Good!" I said to myself. I saw him walking towards me. "Hey Jordan!" I said cheerfully.
"What," he said slightly annoyed.
I sprinted over to him, "What are you doing after school?"
"I thought maybe we could hang out together or something."
"No. Sorry...Look I know Anna's probably put you up to this, right?" he said. I hesitated answering him. "Look, go find someone else. I don't appreciate someone who does something just because he's trying to brown-nose some teacher. Ciao!"
He turned and walked to his bike.
"Look it's not like that!"
"Yeah, right, Sam. Look, you're a popular guy, you got lot's of friends, you're good looking, probably have tons of girls just waiting to jump your bones, so it doesn't make sense that you'd want to be my friend. I'm a real asshole, I know. I don't need you as a friend. I don't want you as a friend. So just fuck off. Go tell that bitch Washburn to mind her own fucking business and lay off of me."
"Jordan, it's not like that! I like you. I want to be your friend. Fuck Washburn! Fuck everybody!" I said raising my voice to try and get through to him.
"What's going on here, Jordan?" asked Mrs. Washburn.
I nearly died. Why did she have to turn up now?
"Well, Anna, your minion and I have been having are rather heated discourse. You told him the other day to try and be my friend, right?" Jordan said disdainfully.
She looked really pissed "I told him you need a friend."
"Same fucking difference, Anna! Please just tell him he doesn't have to placate you to get extra brownie points by attempting to be my 'friend'" he said.
I was pissed and I was upset. I had really wanted him as a friend.
"FUCK YOU! You are right you are a fucking asshole!" I said to Jordan. "And fuck you, I hate both of you!" I said to Mrs. Washburn. "I! ME! I wanted to be your friend! Sure she said you needed a friend. Yeah, I know I'm the 'Popular Guy' scads of so-called friends. Oh yeah! But I wanted one person, one person I thought was special to be my friend. I really liked you for some stupid Goddamn reason!" I said as my emotions ran wild and the tears poured from my eyes. "So...fuck you! fuck you both!"
I turned and ran off.
What Sam had said sunk in and I felt upset with myself as I watched him run away. Anna was angry. I could see her trying to control her temper.
"Well, Fuck him. I don't need him. Anna just stay out of my life!" I said nastily.
"You know I don't know what happened to you in Chicago. My whole life I have loved you and I was always proud of calling you my Godson. You were always such a loving, caring and sharing individual. You had so many friends. I could see you bring joy to so many just by being in their space. I used to marvel at it, how you could just walk up to someone and his or her whole day would seem brighter. It wasn't just me that saw that in you."
"What you just did to Sam was so vile!" she pause for a split second, "It must have been something bad that happened to change you to what you are today. I am truly ashamed of you." She paused again. "Stay out of your life. You got it. I'm out of your life." She was crying now.
"You got it, Jordan. I'm not going to stand around and watch you make yours and everybody else's life a pile shit! Do you have any ideas, how much your parents love you? They move back here because they thought it would make you happy. They were so desperate to help you. To change you back to the kid we all knew and loved. Not this self-centered asshole that you are now."
"Fuck you, Jordan! Your on your own!" she turned and walked away sobbing.
I realized she was walking out of my life. All the memories of good times we'd had flood in. She'd always been there for me. I'd always been able to confide in her. She'd never make me wrong, even when I was.
She was right I was a self-centered asshole!
"ANNA! ANNA, I'M SORRY," I yelled. She just kept on walking. I was beginning to panic.
"ANNA! PLEASE! I'M SO VERY SORRY," I cried.
She kept walking away. I couldn't take it. I couldn't loose her as a friend. I ran after her. She was almost to her car when I grabbed her arm.
"Anna, please!" I sobbed, "Please don't give up on me! I'll do anything. Please!"
"Get in the car," she ordered coldly.
I complied. We sat there for a few moments I continued to cry.
"So, tell me what happened in Chicago," she said in a soft voice.
I shook my head from side-to-side, with pleading eyes I said, "I can't. You'll hate me. Please Anna don't make me tell you."
Coldly she said "Get out of the car and get of my life."
"No. Please. I'm sorry," I cried.
She reached over and took my hands in hers.
"Jordan, share your life with me; the good and the bad. I loved you since the day your mom brought you into this world. Nothing you've done will ever change that unless you stop sharing it with me."
She took my chin and lifted my head so that I was looking into her face. I could see her tears rolling down her cheeks. I knew she cared.
"Come on, Chuga-bugga, tell me what happened. What did you do that was so bad that you think everyone will hate you?"
I sat there in silence for about five minutes before I spoke.
"At first when we got to Chicago I was doing okay. There was a boy at school we became really good friends, really good friends. We'd go biking or play games together. He was a two years older than me. Really smart too. I thought he knew everything. I showed him some code I'd written and he'd help me out. Tell me where it was wrong and why. You think I'm smart, he was so good at programming. We got to be better and better friends."
I paused she said quietly "Go on."
"One day I was sitting by him in his room watching him play a game. I-I leaned over and kissed him. I loved him. He turned and slapped me hard. He called me a fucking little queer.
I said 'No' I said I was just joking, but he knew better. He told me to get out. I started crying and that made him worse. He start calling me fagot boy, queer-bait. He told me to get out and never come back. I left."
"The next day at school he told everybody. We got into a fight and I got beaten up pretty bad. All the people who I thought were friends turned their backs on me, no one would come near me. I-I - I don't want to be this way, Anna. I don't want to be gay!"
I started sobbing really hard. She said nothing.
"You hate me now, I know you hate now because now you know I'm a fagot, I'm gay" I cried and started to get out of the car.
"Jordan, don't get out. I told you I could never hate you. I don't care if you're gay. So you like boys instead of girls. To me that no different that you liking biking and hating basketball. That's not how I judge you or anybody else. It's what you do in life. It's how many people you touch and make their lives better. How much joy you bring to other hearts. That's what's important. Not this silly nonsense of sexual choice. Sex and all this stuff about sexual choice is made out to be far more important in life than it really is. It's so unimportant."
"So, what else, there is more to this story, right?"
She leaned over and hugged me. I started crying like I'd never cried before. At last someone who I knew didn't hate me for what I am. She just held me in her arms.
"There's not much else to tell. I never told Mom or Dad the truth I told them there were bullies at school who were trying to force me to do their homework because it had gotten out that I was super smart. I begged them to put me in a different school. They did."
"It was easier for me to just be alone. People would come up to me and I'd just be an ass. I kept to myself and for a long time cried myself to sleep because I hated what I was and I hated what I was becoming." I smiled and looked at her then giggled at a thought.
"What?" "You're not a Vice-principal. You're a Proctologist." I laughed.
"Huh? A what?" she questioned.
"Proctologist deals with assholes. What am I?" I laughed again.
She laughed too.
"Well, I guess I'd better drive you home," she said with a smile.
"What about my bike? I can ride it home," I said.
"No. that's fine I'll drive. Don't worry it's safe and locked up to the bike rack. Besides, this ain't over yet youngun." She started the car and backed out.
"Huh? I told you everything."
"Yes, but you have two parents who love you dearly and they near to know what happened too. Jordan, I've known your mom and dad since high school. They love you. You are their life. They deserve to know. You have no idea how agonized they've been watching you become a first class asshole." She smiled.
"They'll hate me. I can't Anna. I just can't!"
"Jordan, I love you, but your parents love you infinitely more, they won't hate you. If anything they will love you even more because you're being honest and sharing yourself with them again."
"Yeah, but what if your wrong? What if they hate me?"
"Look Chuga-Bugga, if they do then you can come live with me and Phil."
"Don't you ever tell anybody at school you call me Chuga-Bugga. What if Phil hates me?"
"Phil hate you, get real! He thinks the sunshine's out of you asshole! He told me once he was glad we didn't have any children because they always take second place to you. I take second place to you sometimes especially if you guys are going fishing."
"God, I haven't gone fishing in years...I really miss it."
When we arrived home neither of my parents had gotten home so we waited in the car. We talked about some of the fun things we used to do. We were laughing and giggling until Mom drove up. Which meant Dad would be along any minute.
"Hey, Chuga-Bugga, it's going to be alright. I promise. Come on let's go face the music, cuz you gotsta sing, babe."
"You may it sound so easy, but for me it's not."
We walked into the house. "Maybe you could tell them and I'll just go up to my room and pack" I said to Anna as Mom walked in.
"Hi, Anna." They hugged and did their usual small talk. Dad arrive and they went through the same ritual all over again.
I must have been looking really tense. Dad looked at me. "Hey, Kiddo, what's up?" he said.
It just sort of hit me what a fucking disappointment I must be to them. The floodgates opened as I stood there unable to speak.
"I can't do this, Anna. I just can't!"
I turned and ran up to my bedroom, fell onto my bed and sobbed uncontrollably. Dad was only seconds behind me. He came into my room and sat down on my bed beside me. He lifted me into his arms and just held me as I continued to sob.
"Jordan, please don't shut me out. Please Jordan, I can't take much more of this. I need you Jordan. You are my life." He began sobbing nearly as hard as I was. He held me so tight.
"I never meant to hurt you Dad," I said through my sobbing, "But I have. Anything I do is going to hurt you. I'm so sorry, Dad."
I have never been so afraid of telling anybody anything as I was at that moment. I held on to him so tight in fear that it would be our last embrace. He kissed me on the top of my head. For several minutes we held each other. Mom was there too. She leaned over and kissed my cheek. She was crying.
Anna spoke from the door so softly, "Jordan, tell them. Can't you see that holding it all in is killing them. They loved you Jordan. I'm promise they can't hate you. Not for this. It's just so unimportant to them. It won't make an iota bit of difference to them. It's you Jordan, you the spirit, the being, the awareness of being aware that they love. Stop holding yourself back."
I knew Anna was right.
"I'm...I'm...I'm gay" I said in almost a whisper, "I'm so sorry. I've tried to change it. But I can't."
It was over I'd finally told them.
I waited for some reaction.
Dad just squeezed me harder and started kissing on my forehead. "Do you honestly think that makes a difference to me?" he wept softly, "Jordan, if that's what makes you you, I don't care. Anna is right. It doesn't make one iota bit of difference in how I feel about you. You and your mother are my life without you guys I have nothing that important. All I need J-boy, is your love and honestly. Promise me that you'll never push me out of your life again for something so silly as this."
We just cuddled for a while then we all talked.
My parents and Anna had made it perfectly clear they loved me for just me. I realized that over the last two years I had thought they really didn't like me, but the truth was that I didn't like me. They did love me regardless of any faults.
Anna called Phil and he came over. He gave me a big hug and a kiss on the cheek. I must have flinched a bit when he kissed me. He laughed. He always had such a deep manly laughed.
"What, I'm not your type?" he beamed.
"No." I said. He feigned sadness.
I laughed. "You're just too old!"
"Oh! That hurt! Too old" he pouted.
I kissed him on the cheek and he ruffled my hair.
"Oy, Dude. Don't mess with the coif!"
We all talked more. I told all about everything in Chicago. I talked about stuff I'd researched on the net and about even the porno sites I'd looked at. I held nothing back. I cried a lot of the time and I laughed some of the time.
I felt wrung out but I'd never felt so at peace with life and myself. I think if it were the end of the world, I would ask God for just a few seconds more so I could just be with them and tell them how much I loved them.
When Dad, my real hero, said, "J-boy when you came along I didn't order a la carte. I ordered and got the whole complete package. I can't just like one part of you and dislike some other part because someone else says that part's not normal or any good. Well, I didn't get normal I got someone who is so far above normal that it's immeasurable", I realized that I could love me too.
After all, I was ninety-nine and three-quarters percent good. And anyway who says that the other quarter of a percent is bad. After all goodness and badness are just considerations and have no other basis that opinion.
It was almost seven o'clock. "Guys, I'm sort of hungry," I said.
"Hey, how about pizza?" said Dad.
Everyone agreed except Anna.
"Your not done yet, Chuga-Bugga," she said.
"No, listen I've told all! Honest!"
"I'm not talking about that. It seems to me that there was this asshole who really upset someone who wanted to be a friend. I think..." she handed me the phone.
"No. Anna. No, this is asking too much. He probably never wants to hear or see me again. He'll hang up on me. No. NO,THAT'S FINAL!" I argued and gave the phone back to her.
"Do you like him? Do you want to be his friend?" she asked. Everyone was watching and waiting for my answer.
"Look he's probably totally homophobic. That's something I don't need."
"Jordan answer my question!" she demanded.
"Yeah, I think he's a babe" I said and then turned ten shades of red.
She handed me the phone. It was already ringing.
"Hello, is Sam there. This is Jordan. Jordan Jacobson," I said to the lady who answered.
"What do I say?"
"Ask him if he'd like to go out for pizza with us," said Dad.
"Hi, Sam. I called to say I'm really sorry about being such an ass. I really wanted to apologize in person, uh, we're all going out to pizza and I was hoping you'd go with us..." I paused.
"Who is us?" he asked.
"Uh, my parents and Anna and her husband Phil.I mean Mr. and Mrs. Washburn. My Dad's paying. If uh, you don't what to go I understand and it's fine. I jus..."
I put my hand over the mouthpiece. "He's checking with his parents!"
"Well that's a good sign," said Mom.
"My Mom and Dad want to know if they can come along too?" Sam asked.
"Absolutely! This is great!" I said.
"What?" everyone asked almost in unison.
"Hold on a sec, Sam. His parents want to come too."
Everyone of course agreed. I gave Sam's Dad the directions to the restaurant and hung up.
On the drive to the restaurant Phil and I decided we'd go fishing Sunday morning at 5am. I was so excited and the closer we got to the restaurant the more vibrant I got. I was alive and for the first time in two years I was happy.
"You guys go on in; I've got an errand to do that I can't put off," Dad said.
"An errand? You're not going to miss dinner, are you? I really wanted you to meet Sam," I said slightly disappointed.
Dad smiled, "No, I'll only be a few minutes." He drove off.
"What's up?" asked Phil.
"Dad's up to something," I said.
"Nah, he's got some business he has to attend to for me, youngster!" laughed Phil.
Uncle Phil has a knack with getting my attention off of one thing and on to another, so I was really in high spirits as I entered the restaurant giggling and laughing and horsing around with him.
I looked around and spotted Sam and his parents. He waved.
I led everyone over to their table and we all introduced ourselves to each other.
"Hey why don't you guys find yourself your own table so you don't have to sit with us old people," suggested Phil stressing the word old.
"Sure, Gramps!" I replied with a laugh.
He reached out and grabbed my shoulder applying pressure to a pressure point. "Aaaaay! I give! Uncle Phil! That hurts! Stop!" I laughed.
He released his hold and I scurried away from him fast almost knocking Sam over.
I grabbed hold of him and led him over to a booth away from the grownups.
"Anyway, I'm really sorry for being such an ass. I've just had a lot on my mind lately and I guess you just happened to catch the worst side of me. I was worried that you wouldn't ever want to talk with me again. Anna made me call you and uh..."
"I'm glad she did. I was really upset too, because I really did want to be your friend. At first I was only doing it because Mrs. Washburn said you needed a friend, but when I met you I, uh, well I really liked you and uh..." he paused. I got lost in his beautiful blue eyes. I felt like I had butterflies in my stomach and I couldn't think of anything to say. I have no idea how long we just sort of sat there smiling at each other and not saying a word. Yet, I felt like we were communicating.
"Hey, you guys, is Supreme okay?" asked Uncle Phil, which snapped me back to reality.
"Sure, Uncle Phil!" I said.
"He's your uncle?" asked Sam.
"Kinda. He's my Dad's best friend and Anna's my Mom's best friend. They've known each other since high school. I've just always called him Uncle Phil. Before when I wasn't such an asshole we used to go fishing and camping almost every weekend."
We talked about things in general. He liked to fish and camp too. I invited him to go fishing with Phil and me. "You know I think now I might try to get him to go mountain biking with me."
"You mountain bike?" he asked. I nodded.
"Wow! Dude, I love mountain biking. I've got a Trek Y22!"
"No way! A Trek Y22. Awesome high tech bike dude!"
"Yeah, I love it! What kind of bike do you have?"
"I have a Huffy. You know the junky thing I ride to school, but one of these days I'm going to buy me a Litespeed. Titanium Alloy so light! They have one at the bike store a few stores down from here. You wann go look?" I asked.
Sam smiled. He has such an awesome smile. He giggled. "You mean like that one behind you?"
"Huh?" I turned around.
My jaw must have hit the floor. My dad was standing a few feet away from me with my dream bike.
My mouth move but nothing came out. "My bike?" I finally squeaked out.
Dad was beaming from ear to ear. All the adults were gathered behind him. Sam and I got out of the booth.
"Happy early birthday present from Uncle Phil and me" he said.
I took the bike and lifted it with one finger into the air and passed it to Sam and saying to him "Check it out Dude!"
"Awsome! Totally Awesome!" he replied.
I turned and gave both Uncle Phil and Dad a hug and kiss.
I took a step back. "I really love you guys" then I hugged them again.
Anna and Mom squeeze through pushing the gents behind them. Each had a biking shoe each.
"Nike biking shoes! Oh this is awesome! Dude! Look!" I said to Sam.
I hugged Mom and Anna and gave each several big kisses.
"Hey! I didn't get a big kiss like that!" Uncle Phil laughed.
"Hey Dude, I told you already, you just not my type!" I laughed.
He laughed too.
"Sam, checkout the bike! Go on, I gotta get these on first."
He started to object.
"Dude, I owe you! Now go! Check her out, do some bunny hops or something."
The look on his face was priceless I could have kissed him right there, if I'd had the guts. Sam left and the adults went back to their table. I put on my shoes and went over to hug and kiss again.
I even hugged Mr. and Mrs. Lakes. They looked a little surprised.
"Hey, I didn't want you guys to feel left out and besides. I owe it to you!"
"You owe us?" questioned Mrs. Lakes smiling.
"Uh-huh, you and Sam are here and that makes a special day an EXTRODINARY Day!" I said as I turned and ran out of the restaurant.
To be continued...