Never Regret Yesterday
This is a story of friendship, commitment, love and trust. It is not a sex story. However, this story deals with love between two male teenagers. If you are offended by stories involving love between two teenage boys, please do not read this story. There will be some sex scenes in this story; however, sex is not the main theme.
If you are under age 18 or 21 or it is illegal to read this story where you live, don't read it. tlc_TLC_uk-Stories:Trust retains copyright to this story. Reproducing this story for distribution without the owner's permission is a violation of that copyright.
Jordan here. This chapter may well have never been written. For that matter I might never have made it through this traumatic incident had it not been for the love from my most favorite person, Sam. I could never say enough good about him. LAF, Sam, always and forever.
Sam here. Thanks. Thanks to the readers for their emails of encouragement you just have no idea the pleasure and excitment we get out of hearing from you and making friends.
For sure love had a definite part in helping Jordan, but commuication I think was the main thing. I'm an avid reader of all sorts of things and as it happened I had just read some stuff about communication. Things like not evalutating or invalidating a person - like saying you should think blah-blah or that's stupid. Or saying things like you were so wronged by that person. Just listen to the person don't try and be judge and jury. The other thing I learned is, get the person talking from a causative viewpoint. I noticed when Jordan was being the effect of what happened he seemed to feel worse and worse, cry harder and harder. By accident I asked him what it was he did, what part he could be responsible for and it was from that viewpoint that he started pulling himself out of a very painful experience. Don't know why it works that way, but it does. Jordan, I love you.
We start this chapter with one of my favorite sayings. - Sam.
A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out
Someone was sticking something God awful under my nose. I opened my eyes. It was Coach Aldrich. I pushed his hand and the smelling salts away from my face.
"I'm sorry. I just saw you kicking Brooker and..." I could tell he was feeling really bad about pounding my face, "I didn't realize until it was too late that it should have been his face I pounded on."
I didn't say a thing. I looked around the room. Brooker was gone. There was a paramedic next to Coach Aldrich. Anna was talking to a cop while a paramedic checked her out. I started to get up. I had a splitting headache and my face hurt. The paramedic took over from Aldrich who left. She asked me a ton of questions which I answered dutifully either yes or no or I don't know. She prodded and poked and finally she let me sit up. She looked at my back. She didn't say anything she just got some clean gauze and cleaned up Brooker's dried cum off my back.
"Did he penetrate you?" she asked quietly.
I shook my head 'no'. I felt so dirty, so violated. I felt numb and emotionless.
After she'd finished prodding and poking around she said "Well, no broken bones. No, serious physical injury. Do you want to talk about what happened?"
"No," I said in just above a whisper.
I heard Brooker out in the hall. I shuddered at the sound of his voice.
"Jordan, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I'm sorry!" I cringed when he cried out, "I love you, Jordan! Please forgive me."
Everybody's attention went to me. All eyes were watching me. I showed no feeling, no reaction outwardly but inside I was screaming.
The paramedics left.
The cop came over to me along with Anna.
"Jordan, we've got a full confession from Mr. Brooker about his sexual assault on you. So, I think we can do away with any further questions unless there's something you'd like to say," he said.
"No," I shook my head.
"Jordan, you're mom is on her way to pick you up," said Anna in a hushed tone.
I glared at her. I had never known such hate and anger. I guess it was equal to the amount of love I had had for her.
"Get out of my life, bitch! Get out of my life! I hate you! I hate you more than I hate Brooker!" I said in a cold and heartless tone.
It totally shocked her.
"SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU CUNT! YOU TOLD HIM! YOU FUCKING CUNT! YOU TOLD HIM ABOUT OUR PRIVATE CONVERSATION IN THE CAR! HE-HE MAY HAVE S-S-S SLAPPED M-M-ME A-A-AROUND AND, AND CUM ALL OVER M-M-ME BUT YOU! YOU! YOU FUCKED ME! WHEN YOU T-T-TOLD HIM ABOUT ME. YOU FUCKED ME BITCH! I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN!"
I turn and ran out of the room. I saw my mom running up the hall towards me. I ran to meet her. She started to hug me and I sidestepped her.
"Don't touch me. Just take me home. I'm never coming back here." I guess mom knew now was not the time to argue or say anything.
When I got in the car mom said, "Jordan, Anna told me..."
"NEVER EVER MENTION HER NAME AROUND ME NEVER! I HATE HER! I HOPE SHE DIES A LONELY UGLY OLD CUNT! I NEVER WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN. SHE IS NO LONGER PART OF MY LIFE. THE ANNA I KNEW AND LOVED IS DEAD!" I said vehemently.
When we got home I got out of the car and ran into the house. As I entered the house via the kitchen Sam looked up smiling but the smile quickly vanished.
"Dude, what's wrong?" he asked.
"Just go home. Go find some one good and decent to be a friend and forget about me" I said apathetically. Then I ran upstairs to my room and locked the door.
I crumpled onto the floor. I didn't cry. I just laid there devoid of any and all emotions.
I heard the car drive into the garage. I knew they were back from school. I wondered why Sharon had gone to get Jordan from school, but figured it must have been a parent -teacher thing with Brooker. I was glad Jordan was home when he came into the room I looked up at him and was instantly shocked. He looked as if he been beaten half to death. His face was bruised.
I heard him telling me to go home but it didn't register and he ran out of the kitchen and up to his bedroom. I heard the door slam.
I got up and went to the garage. Sharon was still in the car talking and crying on her cell phone. She beckoned me over.
"Please stay here with Jordan. I have to see Anna." she cried.
"What's wrong? What happened to Jordan?" I asked.
She shook her head "Please, he's been hurt. Please stay with him and be his friend, Sam."
I left the garage and ran up stairs to Sam's room and started to go in but the door was locked. I knocked.
"Jordan, open up it me," I said.
"Go home Sam. Just go home," he said in a distant voice.
"NO! Sam what's wrong? I know something's wrong. What happened to you?"
There was no reply.
"Fine! I'm not going to leave, Dude. I don't know what I've done that makes you hate me. I wish you'd just let me in."
I sat in silence for five minutes with my back against the door.
"Jordan, please talk to me. I'm not going to leave and if you don't open this door I'm going to break it down."
I was getting really depressed over this whole situation. I loved him so much, but he wouldn't communicate with me. I figured there must be something he hates about me maybe he's guessed that I'm gay. I started to cry.
"Okay, Jordan, you win. I'll leave you alone. (sob) I know you're straight and I guess you found out that I'm not. I wanted to tell you myself but I...(sob) I just kept putting it off because I was scared you'd hate me. I just wanted to be your friend...I didn't mean to embarrass you...or hurt you in anyway. I-I didn't mean to fall in love with you..."
I got up and started to leave.
The door opened and I heard Jordan say, "Don't leave."
I turned around to look at him. Tears were rolling down his swollen cheeks. He was leaning with his back up against the wall and the started sliding down, "Brooker" he sobbed, "Raped me."
He began sobbing really hard. I went over and sat beside him. I put my arm around him. He laid his head on by chest and cried. I said nothing. I just held him close and I cried too. After a long while he started telling me about what happened in graphic detail, I just listened and occasionally asked, "Is there anything else you want to say about that?" I didn't try to evaluate for him or tell him how he should feel. I just listened.
He told me about his life in Chicago and what had happened. He told me about outing himself to Anna and his parents and Uncle Phil. Then he asked me about when I knew that I was gay and had I outed myself to anyone. I told him I always sort of knew but when I hit puberty I definitely knew. I told him I outed to my parents when I was fourteen after my Mom caught me jerking off while looking at pictures I'd downloaded off the net of naked teenage boys. He thought that that was hilarious.
Three hours has passed since we had started talking. I noticed that the swelling in his face had really diminished and the twinkle was back in his beautiful eyes.
The phone rang. He answered and passed the phone to me. It was my mom.
"Sam, how's Jordan?" she asked.
"He's cool. Sorry, I didn't call, but we've been talking and to be truthful I didn't even think about it."
"You know what happened? Should I come over?" she asked.
"No. We're still talking about things and it's really nice. We've come out to each other and we've just been talking about what happened and about his past and my past lots of stuff. He thinks it's really hilarious about a certain person bursting into the privacy of my room!"
"She's laughing," I said to Jordan.
"Cute Mom! Anyway, I'm starving and so is Jordan could you order us a pizza with everything and have them deliver it over here. Thanks...Mom! Okay I'll tell him. Bye. Love you too!"
"So, what are you supposed to tell me?" he asked.
"No way man, it's too embarrassing!" I laughed.
"Oh! Dude, and what I told you wasn't embarrassing! Come on it's your turn to squirm," he laughed.
"She said she really loves you..."
"And what else?" he demanded.
"You enjoy this, don't you?" I responded.
"Yep! What else?"
"She thinks you'll make a great son-in-law", I said and promptly turned red.
Jordan laughed. I turned even redder.
"Humm, son-in-law, eh?" he beamed.
"Yeah, uh, I ah, sort of talk about you a lot to my parents. How I feel about you and uh," I sighed heavily, "and my dreams and wishes."
I could feel myself blushing again.
He laughed, "God you are so damn cute when you get embarrassed!" I blushed again. He giggled and looked at me with such a loving smile.
"So, what are your dreams and wishes?"
"That we can be together forever."
He looked at me. I looked at him.
He said softly "Me too."
We continued to just gaze into each other's eyes. I wanted so much to just kiss him. I think he did too because our heads started coming closer together, our lips inches apart. The phone rang. And the moment passed.
It was the pizza place wanting to know the address because Mom forgot what it was.
The pizza arrived and we scarfed it down I was thinking about what he'd said about Anna telling Brooker that he was gay.
"Dude, it doesn't make sense," I said thinking out loud.
"That Anna would out you to him. Did he say that she told him that you were gay?"
He thought for a while.
"Brooker said 'I know you're gay and that he knew about the conversation I had in the car with Anna'. How else would he have known if she hadn't told him?"
"Okay, well, I don't know. But he didn't say 'Anna told me you were gay'. I'm just trying to make sense with it. I'm not upsetting you talking about this, am I?" I asked.
"No, it's funny if it were anyone else I think it would, but I know you're just trying to help me think clearly and not get all tied up in my emotions. Talking to you has helped and knowing that you love me really helps. I love you so much and it feels so good to be able to say it without any reservation. I would have just gone into my own sorry ass world and hated everyone if you hadn't been here. I love you Sam with all my heart."
"Me too" I said softly. Thus time I didn't hesitate. I leaned forward and kissed him gently on the lips. It wasn't a passionate kiss, but it was electrifying. The kind of kiss my mom would have said 'Oh, isn't that sweet...'. Jordan pulled his head back and smiled at me.
"Thanks I needed that," he said softly.
"Dude! I know what's bothering me about this Anna thing!", I said which startled him.
"What is it with you and that BITCH! Sam, she's a bitch! She fucking told him! Just fucking leave it alone!" he said angrily.
"NO I WON'T!" I said back at the same tone. "I LOVE YOU, BUT YOU'RE AIMING AT THE WRONG TARGET! Jordan just look at it! You can't do this to her it's unfair!"
"UNFAIR! UNFAIR! If she hadn't told him, he wouldn't have known. He wouldn't have raped me!"
"You're not understanding me!" I said.
"NO! You don't know! You don't know what it's like to have some one force you to have sex. To feel them grinding away on you while you pinned down. To have them kiss and slobber all over you and you're so terrified of what is happening that you don't know what to do. If there's anything beautiful about sex it was ruined for me today! I had to live that nightmare; I kept hoping it was just a bad dream! You don't know how humiliating it is to have someone like him shoot his sperm all over you to hear his sickening moans and groans of pleasure! DON'T TELL ME UNFAIR, SAM!"
I said nothing for a few moments. He was angry with me. I looked down.
"No, it wasn't fair. What happened to you today I hope I never have to experience. But what happened to you has hurt me too! When you were telling me earlier I felt sick, I wanted to cry. I was so ashamed of myself because he saw how much I loved you and maybe if I hadn't loved you if I'd just not been a part of your life these last few weeks none of this would ever have happened. I am more to blame for this than Anna. You said he attacked her because she introduced you to me."
I was crying again. I was sobbing because I had just realized that I was partly to blame. Jordan took me in his arms and held me. As I calmed down I pleaded with him "Jordan, please just, just hear me out. Please."
"I'm not saying that Anna's perfect or that she hasn't done any wrong in this situation. Personally, I don't think she said anything to Brooker, at least not directly and not with any intent to do you harm. Just like me. I loved you so much I just wanted to be with you all the time. I'd run from one end of the school to the other just to say 'Hi' and then I'd run back because just seeing you smile and say hi back to me makes me feel alive and happy. Was that good or bad?"
"But those 'good actions' were turned into something bad by someone who is evil and perverted. He meant to hurt you for whatever insane reason. He didn't intend to do something good. Who was responsible for us getting together and becoming friends?"
"Good or Bad?"
"Since we've become friends how many times have you gone in to the Vice Principals Office to say 'Hi' or give her a hug?"
"Shut up and hear me out!"
"Sorry, go on"
"You told me that when Anna came into the room he attacked her because she got us together. Was us getting together good or bad? Was his action against her good or bad?"
"It's not in her nature to do you harm! When she came into the room you said she told you to get out. Good or bad, Jordan?
"Don't you see, you, me and Anna were all doing good. We were good and he comes along and takes our good and turns it into bad, he turned our love into a nightmare, not for just you, but for me and for Anna. And I hate him for that. I HATE HIM FOR MAKING YOU BELIEVE THAT ANNA IS BAD! SHE IS NOT BAD!"
I could say no more because I was crying too hard. We were both crying. We both cried for at least ten minutes solid.
"I've been such an ass. I know now that what I said, what I did must have hurt her. I just reacted and hurt someone that I know loves me. Help me Sam. What to I do?" he cried.
"My Dad has a really good definition for a friend. He says 'A real friend is someone who walks into your life when the rest of the world is walking out'. So, we go find her. You talk. You kiss and make up. Jordan, she loves you. She is a real friend. She's not going to push you away or walk out of your life or let you walk out of her life. I just know that."
As I started to pick up the phone it rang. It was from my Dad's cell phone.
"How's Jordan?" he asked.
"He's fine. Do you want to talk to him?"
"Maybe later. I just got off the phone with Sharon. She, Anna and Phil just asked if I could pick you boys up and bring you guys to where they are."
"Wow. I just called to ask you if you could be a chauffer and help us find Anna."
"Anna's be quite upset about the whole thing. Your Mom spoke with them a while ago and said that you had just come out to each other and were talking about everything. Is he really fine about what happened today?"
"Well, almost, he needs to talk with Anna then he'll be 100%."
"Okay, we'll be there in about a minute or so. Why don't you just meet us outside?"
The ride was quite. Mom noticed that Jordan was holding my hand, but she didn't say anything. Thank God! When we arrive Dad said, "I'll leave the car running and we'll go get Anna and you and her can talk as long as you like. Okay Jordan?"
"Yes sir. I'd like Sam to stay if that's okay?" he asked. Dad said fine.
"Nervous?" I asked.
"Totally. I know I'm going to cry," he said.
"Not very manly," I giggled. He smiled then punched me on the arm.
"Ow!" I said then I laughed. I saw Anna approaching the car I started to get out, but Jordan put his arms around me and pulled me close to him. Anna got in. She gave Jordan a really bedazzled look.
"Okay, Sam what have you done with Jordan Jacobson?" she asked.
"He does look a lot better doesn't he?" I smiled. I turn my head back and Jordan was smiling too.
"I can't believe it, I'm sorry I just didn't expect this. Jordan, how are you doing now?" she asked.
"I seriously thought my life was over. I was even contemplating suicide when I got home. I ran up to my room and locked the door. He tried to get me to come out, but I was feeling so degraded by what had happened I refused to even talk to him. Then he started to leave because he thought that I found out that he was gay and that I hated him. I couldn't let him go."
"Sam and I talked a long time about what happened. We talked about Chicago and then about ourselves. For a long time I was blaming you, but he finally got it through my thick skull that it wasn't your fault. It was Brooker who perverted everything and made it so bad. Anna I'm sorry for what I said to you. I really love you, you're like a second mom to me."
Anna smiled and a few tears rolled down her cheeks
"Now how am I supposed to give him a hug, Sam?"
"Well, I'd move, but I think I'd have to fight to get out these arms which right now I don't really feel up to it, or you could just hug both of us, cause I love you too."
She did exactly that saying to Jordan, "I love you, Chugga-Buggars."
"Chugga-Buggars?" I giggled.
"Oh, I am sorry Jordan, I just got carried away," she apologize.
"Sam, if you dare tell anybody!" said a red-faced Jordan.
"Chugga-iiieeee!!!!" He promptly started tickling my ribs. "Stop! Chuggaiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeee!" I laughed as he continued to tickle.
"Jordan! Stop! I'll pee in my pants!"
Anna was laughing with us.
After we laughed ourselves out Anna said looking at Jordan, "Jordan, I never said anything to Brooker. But I know how he found out and Phil and your Dad think you should know everthing.Sam, I think you should stay here."
"No, Anna, Sam and I have no secrets. He's a part of my life and I'm not going to leave the best part of my life sitting in the car," he said squeezing me tightly to him.
"Okay then, let's go, Phil needs to talked to you and you too,Chugga-Booboo!" she smiled.
At that moment I felt so happy, I knew we'd be together forever. I was a part of his life and he was a part of my life.
"Yeah, Chugga-Booboo, Dude! Let's go!" Jordan laughed.
We got out of the car and followed Anna. Holding hands as we walked.
To be continued...
Many thanks to a good friend 'old jw' for being an extra pair of eyes and proof reading this for us. - J&S.