This story is purely fictional. If you are not over the age of 18 or are opposed to this type of material please Do Not Read It. This story belongs to Green and reproductions without permission are not allowed.
Please let me know what you think. Email me Greenmeccatoon@Yahoo.com
In 2003 my friend Jonas began a story that he never finished. He passed away in an unfortunate car accident on the way to my house. He tried writing his story twice. He struggled with the story and never fully realized it. Recently I was given the chance to see his notes on this story and I began to see his vision. A year ago I was approached by someone asking me to finish his story. I was originally opposed to it but as I read his notes I realized that this story deserves to be told.
As a tribute to My friend Jonas I take the helm and I present to you his story as seen through his notes. I will be writing as Jonas the watcher. Without further ado I present to you:
No Matter How Far
The Watcher's Chronicle
Written by Green as Jonas The Watcher.
"Have no fear of perfection, you'll never reach it."
Salvador Dali 1904-1989, (Diary of a Genius)
Why do we not see perfection when it lies within us? We trust in others to tell us what we are, what we can be, but we ignore our own perception. What happens when one realizes that they are perfect in the eyes of the one that means everything?
Margaret Della is a beauty at Sixteen. With a constant reassuring smile and a trusting personality, she has gained Matthew's friendship. Yet as she helps those around her she hides from those that mean the most.
When The Cold Sets In,
Jason, my neighbor places a plate of food before me. “Your mom asked me to make you breakfast,” he says as he sits. “It doesn't look real good but I promise it taste excellent.”
I look at the plate noticing how bad it looks. “I didn't know you could make breakfast, or should I say butcher it?”
“Your mom just asked me to give you cereal but I felt like cooking today. It taste good, I promise,” he says as he sits next to me with his own plate.
“Maybe you should have gave me the cereal,” I say and he gives me a light pat on the shoulder.
Jason has been my neighbor for a year and a half. He lost his memory and is slowly regaining bits and pieces. He told me that he woke up at the edge of the river and he was bleeding from his head, but he doesn't remember how he got there. I know who he is and I told him, but he asked me to keep that in the past. He is Matthew's brother.
“Jerk, “ Jason says. I give him a kiss on the cheek.
“Thanks for breakfast.”
“Is that my brother waiting for you outside?” he asks.
I nod. “You should talk to him.”
“No not yet,” Jason says. “There is a reason why I did what I did and I want to remember why before I talk to them.”
“Alright Jason, but you know you are making me the jerk.” I say as I leave his apartment.
“I'm sorry and don't forget your medication!” he yells before I reach Matthew's car.
Matthew's smile is barely there but his kind trusting eyes are always there for me. “I can't believe I'm doing this.”
“Matthew I know it's a big step, but you are doing it for you not anybody else.” He smiles and looks to the road.
“I'm so nervous,” Matthew says.
“There is no reason to be,” I say as he pulls into our high school.
“What if they hate me?”
“I doubt they will,” I say as I get out.
When we walk into the school he stops at a bronze plate. I watch as he looks at it. It's been a long time since his brother's gone yet he keeps blaming himself. “Hey,” I say, pulling him away. “I'm glad you came.”
“It's time I have to face it,” he says.
“But you don't have to face it alone,” I say, smiling, “Come on Matthew I'll take you to homeroom.”
If I told you that I was invisible, would you believe me?
“No I wouldn't. You can't be invisible” says the Watcher. “It's impossible.”
Sure I can, every person that looks into my direction sees right pass me. I am bothered by that but I don't know how to change it. No one notices me except for Matthew. Maybe it's because he's invisible too.
“How do you know that?”
I saw it in him, especially when he's with his parents. I met Matthew at the hospital. He looked like he needed a friend and I became that friend, now we are inseparable. I wish his parents saw that in him, but it's as if he's a burden, not a son.
I'll be truthful Matthew is the highlight of my day and I'm grateful for that. He is such a beautiful person. I can see that now as he drives. Somehow I know he's meant for greater things.
He stops once again at the school's trophy case. The case is a testament to glory's past and he is a part of that, was a part of that. “Hey come on the bell is going to ring,” I say. I could say that it's going to be easy for him but it isn't. This school has a way of finding a persons flaws.
“What about you, did the school find your flaws?” asks the Watcher.
Yes but at the same time it hid them. I am poor, and when you are labeled that you are taken away from the populace. You become one of those kids that no one knows and no one cares about, you become invisible.
My clothes aren't new, my apartment is small and we can't afford to have all the nice things people have but we make do with what we do have. My mother works two jobs to make ends meet. My sisters and I work at the local hospital, in the kitchen. My mother doesn't know that we work there. She wants us to go to school and study, but my sisters and I can't let her work herself to death. We are saving the money we make to buy my mother a car.
I have something that I want to share with you. I think I... I think I like a girl. These feelings scare me but I know that they are real and that they are me. I just don't know how to deal with them.
“Which one?” asks the Watcher.
Elizabeth Brady. I like her a lot. She's such a rebel and that intrigues me. I want to know more about her, every time I see her I just want to be closer. I think that deep inside she is a beautiful person. A person waiting for something good to come her way. I wish she'd see me just once.
As I sit here I realize that this secret, I will never be able to share with my family. If I want to be happy with someone, it will have to be separate from my family.
“Can you honestly tell me that you can live with that?” the Watcher asks.
I don't know, but I can try my hardest and I can hope that it works. I don't know about a lot of things in my life. Being a lesbian is just another problem I have to deal with and if I ignore it then it wont take me over. Maybe one day I can be happy with myself and then I can pursue that part of my life, but not now. Now I have to be there for my family.
I see Elizabeth in drama class. Every time I see her all of those problems go away. Just for that second she takes me to another world. Look even now she brings a smile to my face. Yet she will never know what she does to me.
“Why not?” asks the Watcher.
Well, look at her. She's so unapproachable and I'm sure she'd kill me if I told her that I was attracted.
“Miss Della, have I the part for you,” says Mr, Bryan
“Mr. I don't know I'm more of a behind the scenes person,” I say hoping that he'll reconsider.
“No, no, no not this time Missy. You will be Lavinia in Titus Andronicus.”
“Doesn't she get raped,” asks Elizabeth. Everyone in the drama room looks at her.
“Yes and they cut her tongue off, but the rape is not appropriate for high school. I will cut it out,” says Mr. Bryan.
“Why, it's not like it doesn't happen in high schools?” asks Elizabeth.
“Oh the tongue on you today huh? Maybe you should be my Tamora the queen of the Goths,” says Mr. Bryan, handing us copies of the play.
“Funny I always took you for the Queen,” says Elizabeth.
“Must we always be so hostile Ms. Brady? You will be the queen or you will fail my class. I am one of few that still tries to teach you and you should be grateful.”
I want to know everything I can about her. All I know is that she has a brother and that they live at the edge of town by Matthew. She looks at me for a second and raises an eye brow.
“Let's take this from the beginning,” said Mr. Bryan.
There are other invisible kids. Just like me they drift through the school from class to class, existing in a different world. Some wait for that one moment when someone shines the spotlight on them, others are too afraid and they hide. I am one of those that hides, it's better than being noticed as the poor girl.
There some kids that unfortunately get noticed. Elizabeth's brother Robert is one of them. I see him getting picked on every day, he just takes it. I can't believe it. He is the complete opposite of his sister. She wouldn't hesitate and would quickly fight but it's like he's afraid of people. He is looking at me and I don't like it. He is making me uncomfortable so I quickly walk away from him.
“Margaret Della brilliant job, this paper is excellent,” says my teacher Ms. Dewey, stopping me as I approach her. “This reminds me of your sisters, they were such good students. How are they?”
“Mary is doing great in and Julia is about to graduate,” I reply.
“I spoke to your mother recently, she told that you were looking into theater.”
“Yes,” I say, she smiles.
“I heard that you had one of the leads in the school play. I'm going to have a friend who works in theater come see you.”
“Thank you Ms. Dewey.”
“No Problem,” she says, looking down the hall as two cops escort Mr. Davis out of the school. “Margaret why don't you go to class.”
I wonder what that is about? Mr. Davis is such a nice guy.
I see Elizabeth again during Gym class. She coming towards me. I am sitting on the bleachers next to the football field. She sits next to me and pulls out a box of cigarettes. “Do you smoke?” she asks.
“No,” I say, nervously staring at the field.
“Yeah I'm sure.”
“Can I ask you a question?”
“How do you do it?” Elizabeth asks before taking a drag from her cigarette.
“How do I do what?”
She looks at me for a long time and then takes another drag of her cigarette. “Wanna go for a ride?” she asks. “I swear I wont bite. I like you and I think you might need a friend. I'll have you back by the time school ends. Come on live a little.”
I've never skipped a class before. It's just something that I would normally not do, but I'd do anything she'd ask. So now I'm following her to the car. “Where are we going?” I ask.
“Somewhere cool I swear.”
Ten minutes later we were over looking the river at the edge of town. Stealing glances and smiling. She pulls me close with her soft hands and places her lips against mine. I forget about everything as she slowly moves her lips slightly against mine. “I like you, I've always have.” she says and brings her tongue to mine.
“So what'd you mean earlier when you asked me how do I do it?” I ask her, she smiles.
“I want to know how you keep away from me. I know that you like me honey. Why do you keep yourself from being happy,” Elizabeth asks before kissing me again.
“I didn't know that you were like me.”
“I'm not, I'm like me and I like you. You are gorgeous you know that?” she says to me.
I would never call myself gorgeous. I don't think that I am. I'm not like the people on the television. I'm not a model, I don't have blond hair and I don't have nice clothes. Why would she say that to me?
“Because it is true,” says the Watcher.
No, I don't believe you. There is no way that is true. If I was beautiful then I wouldn't be invisible.
“You are only invisible because you make yourself invisible,” the Watcher says. “You are a beautiful girl and you shouldn't hide that.”
“Are you alright?” Elizabeth asks.
“Yeah I'm alright, Thank you.” I say.
I kiss her one last time before she drops me off. “What the hell!” she yells.
“I'm sorry did I do something wrong?” I am taken aback by her yelling.
“No honey not you, It's my brother. He's bleeding.” she points at her brother Robert who is coming towards us. His shirt is red with the blood dripping from his nose. “What happened to you?” She asks.
“Drop it Lizzy okay. I don't want to hear it right now.” he says. “Can you just take me home?”
She pulled me close and kissed my cheek. “I want to see you tonight.”
“Elizabeth I can't not tonight, but what about tomorrow night. I get out of work at seven maybe we can do something.” I say.
She takes a pen and writes her number on my hand. “Call me,” she says. Her brother Robert stares at me as they pull away. I wonder why some one would do that to him.
“Hey are you ready to go?” Matthew asks me from behind.
“Yeah let's go.”
Matthew sees Ian Lewis and for just a second I can read the sadness in his face. I wish that I could say that he came back here for himself. I think that he came back here for Ian. From what I can see Ian is not gay and Matthew is setting himself up for heartache.
“People learn from their mistakes, don't they?” asks the watcher.
I guess you can say that. It's just that sometimes when it comes to Matthew I feel helpless and that makes me want to help him more. At this point in life he needs someone and unfortunately it can't be me. It needs to be his brother Jason.
“Why do you keep what you know away from them?”
I promised Jason that I wouldn't. I would never compromise the trust that he has in me. At the same time I feel like the worst friend because I am keeping this from Matthew.
“You are going to love my new painting,” Matthew says as we pull up to his house. “Come on in my parents aren't home yet.”
He leads me up the stairs. I stop when we reach Jason's room. Every thing is in it's place. Janet, Matthew's mother kept everything the same. “Mom keeps his room all the same. She doesn't think that he's dead,” Matthew says, startling me. “Come on let's go to my room.”
“Do you think he's still alive?” I ask Matthew. He gives me an uncomfortable look but he answers me.
“I know that if he were here that things would be better. I wouldn't be a drug addict,” he says, but he quickly changes the subject. “Here it is, my new masterpiece.”
He unveils the painting of a red tree. It's in the middle of a black grass field.“I like it, It's really dark, though,” I say admiring his work.
Jason looks at me as I enter his apartment. “Your mother is going to be late tonight and your sisters will be at work till ten,” he says but I can see that he is uncomfortable about something.
“What's wrong?” I ask him.
“Can I ask you a question?”
“Sure Jason,” I say.
“Margaret, are you a lesbian?”
My whole world is dropping beneath me. I want to dive down with it just to get away from Jason and his question. My face is turning pale and my hands a clamming up. How did he know?
“Jason I,” I try to form the words but they don't come out.
“Margaret it's okay,” he tries to hold me but I don't let him and I push him away from me. My head is throbbing and I feel dizzy before I slip on the step I was walking on. “Margaret no!” he yells, catching me before my head hits the ground.
“I'm alright Jason.”
“No you're not. You forgot to take your medication again Margaret, you know what that does to your body.”
Did you know that I am dying?
“You aren't dying, you are sick,” replies the watcher. “But if you keep forgetting your medication you will die.”
I don't like to take it. I'm not afraid to die. I used to fear that I was going to die but now I don't. I want to die young.
“I can't believe you would do this,” says my sister Julia, sitting next to me. “don't you think we have enough to deal with already. Think of our mother would you.”
“I'm sorry Julia I really forgot,” I say but she's not buying it.
“Don't lie to me Maggie,” she says.
Jason looks at me with a defined look on his face. “Can I talk to her alone for a second?” Jason asks.
“Sure maybe you could talk some sense into her, I know I sure can't,” Julia says.
He closes the door behind her and then turns his gaze on me. Yet this time his expression is different. “Margaret I saw you today with someone.”
“Jason I'm,” I began but he cut me off.
“No Maggie let me finish,” Jason, says sitting next to me on my bed. “I want to know if you aren't taking your medication because of this?”
He has me there. I can't say that it wasn't a part of this and I confirm his fears with the tears that are coming from my eyes. “I'm sorry Jason. I'm so sorry.” He holds me for a long time. He never says a word he just holds me.
“I can't tell my family,” I say to Jason.
“Margaret I don't think you have to,” Jason says. “I think you've been worried over nothing.”
“They know don't they?” he nods.
“Ian this is my best friend Margaret,” Matthew says when he picks me up in the morning. I shake his hand and I smile.
“I guess you guys have a lot to tell me don't you?” I ask. They both smile and I see Matthew's face blush. I also notice that they are both holding hands, I guess I was wrong about Ian. “Maybe I don't need to know any more.”
Elizabeth is sitting on her car as we pull into the parking lot. She smiles at me when I get out of Matthew's car. “You want to go for a drive?” Elizabeth asks me.
“Why don't we do that after school,” I reply, she smiles and right before everyone I kiss her on her lips. “Guys this is Elizabeth.”
Elizabeth puts herself between him and me. “No I won't let you do it!” she screams but he keeps his gun aimed at me. “No! Not her!”
He looks at me for a long time before he moves on. “Come on Margaret run!” I can hear her but the pain won't let me move. He shot me from behind. My knees give way causing me to fall. That's all I remember.
“Good you may have a seat Margaret. Reese you're up next,” the watcher says...