Date: Wed, 19 May 2010 21:57:28 -0400 (EDT)
From: daredevillain862@aim.com
Subject: Noah & Jaden-32

I don't even remember waking up. All I knew was that I was suddenlylooking
in front of me at a wall. A wall six feet away from the foot ofthe bed I
was in. It was a hospital bed. As my head came out of a fog,the sounds of a
hospital came alive. The beeps, the ticks, the thumps.

All I could remember from earlier was an bright lights & loud sirens atmy
house. I remembered people all around me, looking down on me, like Iwas
pathetic. I recalled my dad, with Jade in the hospital with me,telling me
things would be ok.

I was alone in the room. Ishifted a bit to make myself more comfortable. A
sudden pain shotthrough my body from my side. I yelped in pain as I stopped
moving& waited for the pain to die away. When it did, I slowly moved myarm
underneath my hospital gown, where there were several stitchespatching up
my hip.

My head was spinning. I didn't like beingalone. In fact, it was scaring
me. I didn't even see anybody in thehallway outside my door.

"Hello?" I tried to say, but it onlycame out as a hoarse, strained
call. Quick images were flashing throughmy head & I was getting more
anxious by the second.

"Hello?" I tried calling again.

Just then, my dad came into the room before I became hysterical.

"Noah!" he exclaimed, running over to my bedside & wrapping me in his
strong arms. I buried my face into his sleeve.

"Oh god, Noah..." he said with a tear falling down his cheek.

"I'm sorry dad..." I said, starting to become upset again. I didn't think I
could possibly have any tears in me left.

"You don't have to apologize to me Noah, you did nothing wrong."

I rested my head back against the pillow.

"I told you I didn't like them," I said.

"I had no idea THIS would happen," he said through the tears that were
coming.

Just then, Jade walked in.

"I swear to god I'm gonna kill that girl," he said angrily.

"I'llcall the police & then we'll fix this, I promise you that Noah," mydad
said, placing his hand on my neck. I flinched but I allowed it.

"Mr. Lainer?"

The three of us looked at the doorway where a nurse was standing there with
a clipboard.

"We'regonna need you to fill out some paper work regarding your son &some
tests we'd like to take. If you'd like, we have a phone so you canmake some
calls."

Dad gave me a gentle kiss on the head, tears slowly falling. He got up &
followed the nurse.

Jadewalked over next to my bed & sat down in the chair. Neither of ussaid
anything for a while. He looked down into his lap while Icontinued to stare
off at the wall. The sounds of busy doctors,bustling nurses, coughing
patients, yelling surgeons, phones ringing,stretchers being wheeled &
mechanical beeps flooded my ears. Thehospital was alive & it seemed as
though all of its noise wascoming at me, trying to get deeper into my head
while I just wanted tocrawl back into the corner with peace & whatever
sanity I had left.

Theroom was quiet though. I looked over at Jade. I didn't notice it
atfirst, but when I looked closer at his down turned eyes, I was shocked.He
was crying.

"J?" I asked.

"Yeah?" he sniffled, keeping his head down.

I stared at him as he slowly broke down.

"What's wrong?"

He dragged his fingers through his hair & looked up but didn't look me in
the eye at first.

"She hurt you Noah, THAT'S what's wrong. That bitch did this to you."

I kept watching him.

"Imean...what if I was there, or what if we were still together
orSOMETHING. Maybe I could have done something. I've always tried to bethe
kind of best friend who doesn't let his friend get hurt but..." hetrailed
off.

"Jade, this isn't your fault at all" I said, shocked that the thought had
crossed his mind.

"You were just feet away from me, next door, being abused like this & I...I
didn't..."

"It's not your fault, stop blaming yourself."

"Well it feels like it," he said angrily.

Itwasn't his fault one bit. It was shocking to me that he would eventhink
that. But at the same time, I knew what was going through hishead.

"You always told me that it was never my fault that my mother died," I said
after a moment.

"It wasn't."

"Why?"

"Because there was nothing you could do about it. It was just a horrible
case of bad luck & yes, I know what you're saying."

"I hope so."

He sighed.

"Do you ever still feel guilty?" he asked.

"Sometimes," I admitted. "I know it wasn't...but that doesn't take back the
guilt."

He wiped a few tears away.

"If anything...I'm the one who should have been more careful," I said.

He gave a stressed laugh.

"So what, you're gonna blame yourself, I'm gonna blame myself & what, your
dad is gonna blame HIMSELF."

I smiled.

"Probably."

"Noah, we all know whose fault this really is."

I nodded.

"She's not gonna get away with this ya know. I bet your dad is on the phone
with a lawyer or the cops right now."

"I hope so."

"Noah honey?"

I looked over at the doorway where a nurse was standing there.

"Is it ok if we just run a couple small tests? Just to see how you're
holding up," she said with a sad smile.

"Yeah," I replied.

Jade stood up & started to leave as the nurse came over.

"Jade," I said just before he walked out. He looked back at me.

"Thanks for everything," I smiled.

He smiled back at me & walked out.

**********

Iwas released from the hospital two days later. The doctors wanted tocheck
up on my waist as well as any other physical or psychologicalinjuries. I'd
bet my soul they one one two damn psychological injuries.

Mostof the following week was full of check up at the hospital,
statementsto the police & sessions with the attorney, sleeping &
juststaying home. A week and a half after the incident, I was back
atschool. The hospital evaluation said I was healthy enough to resumenormal
school life, but to take it very easy.

When I got offthe bus, I noticed a few kids now & then would look over at
me. Itried to ignore their stares, but it didn't help much. Jade was
walkingwith me the entire time.

Out of nowhere, Collin & Rosewalked up to me. Collin gave me a smile. Rose
was holding back tears asshe wrapped her arms around my neck & held me. I
slowly wrapped myarms around her.

"I'm so sorry Noah," she said.

I felt ahand on my shoulder as I saw Randy & Jeff standing there. Alex&
Dane walked up, with Gina not far behind. Gina joined in the hugas Collin
had his around me.

"Good to have ya back buddy," Collin smiled.

I nodded as Gina & Rose let go.

"How ya holdin' up?" Alex asked.

"Good I guess, for now. My dad is having charges pressed & I'm alive, so
that's good," I managed a weak laugh.

"I wanna kill her," Gina said.

"Join the club," I chuckled.

"YOU'RE in the 'kill Shannon' club?" Jade asked with an odd, crooked smile.

"Uh, yeah, duh. Dude, do you NOT know what she did to me? To hell with
her."

Jade was giving me an unreadable face. He just looked at me, blinking, but
not really reacting or saying anything.

**********

Thenext few days went by fairly smoothly. People seemed to either give
mespace or were extra nice to me, which started to become obvious & Ididn't
like that. The guidance office set me up sessions for me &the school
psychologist. They went well for the most part, & I wasglad that the school
had taken it upon itself to get involved in mybusiness without my consent
nor my knowledge & mandating me to goto the sessions.

The hardest part of it all, crawling into bedeach night. I had a new
mattress & I had moved my bed to adifferent part of my room. But not even
though changes could take awaythe nightmares each night I had.

I didn't feel normal. I didn'tfeel like I used to. The old me I know would
have been more upset,crying more & just letting it out. But over the last
week I hadbeen more...ok. And I knew it wasn't good.

I just didn't care. I couldn't.


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