Date: Sat, 19 May 2001 16:54:09 +0200 From: Philip Wester Subject: Not A Perfect Love 7 Disclaimer: The following story is pure fiction and a mere figment of my imagination. Any resemblance to anyone, dead or alive, is pure coincidence. However, if such a resemblance exists, please email me and tell me all about it!!!! :^) Hi guys. This is my first story. I can tell you right now that there'll be no sex. This'll simply be a love story, a little "spin-off series" of the sci-fi/fantasy novel that I am writing on my spare time. Hope that you'll like it. And now, with further ado, I mean without further ado, onto the story!!!!!! "But then it dies out, It just disappears, As quickly as it came, Small droplets, small tears," P.W. SEASON FINALE The first season of Not A Perfect Love ends here. These 7 chapters were only "pilot episodes" 10-15 minutes long, if ever to be turned into a TV-series. However, as you guys might've noticed, chapter 06 was twice as long as chapters 01-05. From now all, each chapter will take 25-30 minutes, if ever to be turned into TV-episodes. But don't worry, the first episode of the second season of Not A Perfect Love won't take long. NOT A PERFECT LOVE Chapter 07, Part 2 of a 2-part episode, Choices, Life Or Death? THE MIND OF JULIA - Oh my God! I exclaim. I can't believe it. I just stare forward with the receiver of the phone in my hotel room. What did I just hear?! Philip! He was hit by a car! Saint Peter's Memorial Hospital... gotta get there... stack. - Julia...! I can't believe it! It's Brian! He's here, waiting outside of Philip's hospital room. Why? How?! - I'm so sorry...! He sobs. I suddenly notice that his eyes are all red and puffy. Has he cried? That poor... wait a minute! Why should I care?! That bastard screwed with my best friend's head and then kissed him, only to punch him right afterwards! As far as I am concerned, he can just drop dead! - It was all my fault...! He continues sobbing. - How patethic. I think and glare at him with disdain, though he can't see it since his gaze is at the floor. - I wanted to talk to him and distracted him when he was about to cross the street...! He sobs. - It's my fault that he's...! - Ooh! I cried and slap him right in the face. I feel so angry at him! I swear, I can just kill him right here. Suddenly, a doctor walks by and I stop him. - Please, tell me about how he's doing...! I ask him and then realize that I never told him Philip's name. - His name is Philip Wester. I quickly add. The doctor, a middle aged and balding man, looks through some of the charts that he is carrying and then looks at me with sad eyes. - He's in the emergency room right now. He foretells me. - Apparentely, your friend lost a lot of blood in that accident. There's... a chance that he might not live. With that said, he just leaves me there. I stare foreward... feeling dead on the inside. Philip... can die?! - Julia...! Brian says, once more arousing my anger. - What?! I growl at him. - I just...! He starts, but I interrupt him by hushing him. - You know what, just don't. I say. THE MIND OF PHILIP WESTER "Where am I?" Brightness... it's bright here... as if I am inside of the sun. Suddenly, the light goes away slightly and I can see that I'm travelling across the sky, over the clouds. "Where am I?" Even though me head hurts and I feel groggy, I realize that it's all just a dream. Suddenly, I stop flying. Someone's standing in front of me. It's a boy... blonde... he turns around and... - Brian! I exclaim. Yes, it's Brian. He smiles warmly at me and I feel truly loved. Suddenly, my heart is once more broken when his face contorts in anger and hatred. Then, he disappears and I continue flying. Someone's standing there, a couple of hundred feet in front of me. As I get closer, I gradually manage to make the person out. It's Julia! I call out to her, but only silent words come out. What's happened to my voice? What's wrong? Oh, right... a dream... Slowly, I approach her. Just when I'm about to reach out to her, her image shatters into a billion pieces that evaporate. THE MIND OF JULIA Finally... finally, I've managed to get Brian to go back to his hotel room. For a stupid, insecure bimbo of a jerk, he sure seems concerned towards Philip. But why? He punched him... sure... he's got a good explanation, but still. He's weird. I look around and notice how much suffering there's around me. A boy limping, a man in a wheel-chair, a woman with an amputated right leg. I rememeber it all so clearly... the day that my sister died. She had been taken in because she was about to give birth. I was only five, but she was already twenty-two. She died that day... massive loss of blood they told me. But I knew better. They had to make a cesarean and screwed up, cutting off a major vein. But we couldn't do anything about it... not even sue them. We couldn't afford a lawyer. - Ms, you may see your friend now. A nurse suddenly say. I look up. I hadn't noticed her when she walked up to me. I had been too deep into my thoughts. - Thanks. I say. - Follow me. The nurse says. So I follow her as she leads me down a long hallway until we reach Philip's room. She leaves and I enter the room. - Oh God...! I exclaim. He's unconscious... lying in a white bed with tubs sticking out of him, a respirator helping him to breathe. - Philip? I call out. No response. - Philip? I repeat. Again no response. - How is he? It's Brian. He walks up next to me. Suddenly, Philip's pulse increases and the machine that's connected to his pulse goes ballistic. A nurse runs into the room. - I need some doctors in here, stack!!! She exclaims and then ushers us out of there. A team of doctors goes inside and I can hear how they try to calm Philip down. I wonder what that triggered that sudden rise in pulse. Could it have been Brian? Do people in comatoses know what that happens around them? - I thought I told you to go. I say bitterly. - But I've got to at least get to apologize to him. Brian insists. - Are you deaf?! I snap at him. - I told you to leave! So, without another word, he leaves, his head down in shame. But I don't feel any compassion for him, at all. All I can think of is my best friend, lying in a hospital, in a coma. SEASON FINALE NOT A PERFECT LOVE Chapter 07, Part 2 of a 2-part episode, A Death - So, what do you look for in a guy? Philip asks me. - I don't know. I say and blush lightly. - A nicely shaped butt? I don't know. Memories like that flow through my mind. Memories of me and Philip, together. I know that it sounds selfish, but how can I live without him if he dies? Up until recently, I had been a Christian. But then, my eyes opened up to all of the suffering and injustices in the world. Why do those exist? If God is so almighty, why doesn't he just fix everything? Because of Man's inherited "sin" and because it's all part of a greater plan?! That's bullshit! He turned his back on me when he let my sister die and then he let my brother die in a warwreck last year. That's when I decided to "re-convert". And now, he wants to take Philip from me! - I hate this feeling...! I say quietly. I'm staring out of my hotel room window. The wind is making leaves dance in the air. Memories of Philip and me and on days similar to today fly through my mind. I can't help but shed silent tears. - Don't you dare to die on me! I sob. - Don't you dare! THE MIND OF PHILIP - Where am I? I ask once more. Suddenly, an iamge of myself appears in front of me. The sky fades away and I find myself standing in a dark space, with my "clone". - This is your mind. He said. - You're in a coma right now. All that you can do is think. This is the time when the mind and the brain are completely connected. I'll act like a computer. Ask me any question that you want to know about yourself and I'll answer it. - Alright...! I say. - Do I still love Brian? - Yes. He said quietly. - I was afraid of that you were going to say that. I say, mostly to myself. But hell, I was standing here, talking to myself. If I didn't know that I was in a coma, I'd commit myself to an insanity facility. - Do you wish to know anything else? He wondered. - I don't know. I say. I mean, what do you ask yourself when you actually get a concrete answer in return? - Oh, yah, why do I always fall in love in guys who are jerks or at least turn out to be later? - Because it's not our decision whom to fall in love with. He said quite simply. - Love is a strange entity. We cannot controlled it. Many have tried, but few have succeeded. However, you do know that Brian's the first true love that you've ever had, right? - Yeah. I sigh. - But we both know that we could never be, because, one, he's got a girlfriend and, two, he's a total jerk! THE MIND OF BRIAN I can't stop the tears from coming, crying into my pillow. I can't even think straight. Only a couple of thoughts manage to make their way through the chaos that are my sobs and wails. - Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! I repeat as I bang my right hand, which I've curled into a fist, into the bed. I'm such a jerk. How could I do that to Philip?! And it's all my fault that he's in the hospital right now... - Stupid...! I say for one last time before collapsing. It's too much for me, all that's happened. And I'm the only person who can be blamed. Why did I kiss him?! And how could I be such a jerk that I hit him afterwards?! And so... I fall asleep. THE MIND OF PHILIP - What is this that I am feeling? I asked myself, the image of me, that is. - It's love. He answers. I hated this, having myself foretelling me about myself. A part of me doesn't want to know, but the other part wants to. I guess I'm just stupid. - You still love him, don't you? - Yeah. I sigh. - Even though he hit me, I still love him. But I know that we're not meant to be. Maybe God does exist and is punishing me for not believing in him. - We really shouldn't think like that. He says. - It's not a perfect love, but at least we're in love. Take that away and what do we have? - Me. I say. I suddenly realize something. For my entire life, I have been falling in love with guys who reject me. Why? I don't know. I do know, however, that I chasing rainbows, an impossible task, is pointless. - I love him, I know that now. I say, more to myself than myself. - I will always love him, because it's true love. However, I will have to let him go. He won't be happy with me. - How do you know that? He asked. - I don't. I say. - I just wish things were different. However, if we were to get together, our relationship would be troubled and just end in heartbreak. - So, you choose not to chase rainbows anymore? He asks and winks at me. - I hate you. I think to myself. - I hate you too. He says and smiles warmly at me. It's so annoying to have someone reading you like an open book when that someone is yourself. However, if it were someone else... - So, do you think that we'll ever be truly happy, that we'll ever find true happiness and a perfect life? I ask him. - I think so, yes. He says and nods twice. - How about love? I ask. - Is love ever easy? - No. He says. - You know that. Love is never easy. And no love is perfect. However, once you've truly been in love, you'll know when you fall in love again in an instant. - Yes. I sigh to myself. THE MIND OF JULIA One signal... two signals... three signals... - Yes? I shout into the receiver of the hotel phone. - << Is this Julia, friend of a Mr. Philip Wester? >> A male voice asks me from the other side of the line. - Yes? I ask. - << I've got bad news. >> The voice says. - << We were able to stabilize him when his pulse went up, but he recently went into a critical state. We did some tests and found massive internal bleedings. We'll have to do an operation, but chances for survival are slim. >> - No, it can't be...! I say quietly, almost murmuring. - << I'm so sorry. >> He says. Then comes a CLICK and the annoying tone that announced that the other person had ended the call. I can't believe it. I drop the receiver and just stare at the floor as the receiver dangles on its cord. - Why? I ask. - Why? THE MIND OF BRIAN There. Finally, I've finished packing. But I can't leave without apologizing to Philip, no matter what Julia says. - I can't. I say. Another tear... why can't I just stop weeping?! I'm like a little child again. All of this over some guy?! It feels strange, new. I wish that this feeling could just go away, the feeling of self-hatred, remorse and anger combined into one... the feeling that I have grown accustomed to. THE MIND OF PHILIP - So this is it? I ask. Me and my image are standing in front of the edge of a cliff. - Yes, this is it. He says. - It's your choice now. Do you wish to go on living or do you choose death? It's your call. If you choose to live, turn around and walk away. If you choose death, jump off of the cliff. - I can really do that? I ask. I'm a little sceptic. How can I kill myself my killing myself in a dream? And how does myself know that I can kill myself by killing myself in a dream? And how... wait... thinking too much again. Suddenly, I feel a surge of pain in my chest. - Aaaah!!! I cry in agony and clutch my chest. - Why does it hurt so much?! - It's the doctors doing their work on you. The image of myself says. - They're trying to save your life. However, if you thrown yourself off of that cliff, their work will be over. - This feels creepy. I say and chuckle slightly, trying to lighten the mood. - Standing here at a cliff, talking to myself, listening to myself foretell me about how I can kill myself by throwing myself off a cliff. THE MIND OF JULIA Why do they always make you wait in a waiting room?! As I pace back and forth, I look the room over. I'm the only one here. Worn out and torn magazines are lying on the table, along with new and fresh ones. Nothing to do but to wait... and worry. I wish that driver that hit Philip was here so that I could punch him, but he pulled a "hit and run", that bastard. Suddenly, a doctor walks by. - Doctor! I call out to him and he stops. - Yes? He asks while looking over some charts. - I'd like to get information about my friend Philip. I foretell him. - Please. I've been waiting for, like, two hours already. I'm so worried. He looks through his charts and then looks me in the eyes. - I'm sorry. He says. - Oh god! Is he dead?! I exclaim. - No. He says. - But he lost a lot of blood. He's in intensive care, preparing for surgery right now. Suddenly, the lights go out. - Oh God! The doctor exclaims. - A power shortage?! I exclaim. - Oh God! The doctor repeats and runs away. - This can't be good. I think to myself. - How are they supposed to operate on Philip without any electricity? They won't be able to see anything. THE MIND OF PHILIP - So, what's it gonna be? He asks. - Life or death? - I don't know. I say. - I can't just choose. I know that I've fantazised about killing myself numerous times, but now... I just can't. However, I know that all I have to do is take a 500 feet fall and feel a split second of pain before I die. But am I really ready for that? Death? What'll happen? Is there really an after life? - Do not ask yourself questions that you don't know the answers off. He says and beams a sly smile at me. - What would you do if it were your call? I ask him. - I'd choose life. He says. - There's still so much for us to see and do... to experience. Like, for example, our first boyfriend!!! - I know. I say. - But is it really worth it? To have love and lost rather than never have love, though, we no longer qualify for the later. However... is it worth all of the heartbreak to try time and again to find true love and keep it? - Yes, in my book, it is. The image of myself says. I close my eyes. Completely silence... except for the wind, which makes my blue-dyed hair flow in the wind. I then open my eyes and take a step forward. - A small step for humanity, a giant leap for me. I say and prepare to jump. But I just can't. I stop and just freeze like that for a long time. Then, I finally loosen up. - I can't do it. I say. - Then I guess we can't. He says. THE MIND OF THE DOCTOR ON DUTY - Doctor, we've got a cardiac arrest! The nurse screams at me and starts running. I follow her and we enter a room in which a young boy, approximately 15 to 17 is lying. I hate it when they're so young. Though I've never lost anyone up to date, I can't stand the thought of a kid so young dying because I wasn't good enough. - Give me five mililiters of...! I start ordering. It's all running like clockwork. The "routine". I feel as if I'm a bystander, watching myself working in a distance and for a moment, I see an image of myself watching me from a corner of the room. THE MIND OF PHILIP - I can't breathe! I exclaim. - We're dying. The image of me says between gags. THE MIND OF JULIA - Please, let him make it. I pray. - I need him and his support. He's my best friend... he's all that I've got. And he's got so much left to see and do. You can't let him die!!!! Please, don't take him away from me. Please!!! Tears... am I crying? Me, the cold-hearted girl whom everyone fears? The girl who wouldn't let any man boss her around? Am I crying over a boy? Given the fact that he like people of the same sex as I do, still, are these really my tears? - Please...! THE MIND OF THE DOCTOR The pulse reading machine is going franctic. His pulse's been out for over five minutes. So, I start giving him a heart massage. As I breathe air into his lunges, I can see how his chest rises and falls and for each time that I let my hands push into his chest, I hope that he'll start breathing again. - Come on, come on now! I mumble. - Don't die on me! THE MIND OF BRIAN - Something's wrong. I think. I drop my glass of water and it breaks into a million pieces against the floor of my hotel room. I had prepared a glass of water to drink before leaving when I suddenly felt something. Something is up. I can feel it. Something's not right. - Could it be? I ask myself. Could it be Philip? I always assume the worst, but what if it is?! THE MIND OF THE DOCTOR - Clear! I cry and then push the electrodes againts the asian boy's chest. His body twitches as the electricity goes into it, but then remains still. I try it again and again no response. Not even a third try gives any results. - Doctor...! One of the nurses assisting me starts saying. - No! He's not dead! He can't be! I sob. I try it again and again no response. - Doctor! The other nurse assisting me says. - Please. - No! I sob. I let go of the electrodes, almost geting hit by one of them, and resume giving the boy a heart massage. - One, two, three, four. I count. - Come on, breathe! One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four. - Doctor!! Both nurses say in unison. - Death occured at 23.15. The first nurse then says after looking at the clock that's hanging on the wall. I can't do anything but let go of the boy and look at the floor in shame. I have failed... I let him die... ___________ / \ ( Here ) | Lies | _ __ _ ___ | Philip | | \ | / \ | | | | Wester | | | |- |_| | |-| | beloved | |_/ |_ | | | | | | friend | The final frontier //////___________\\\\\\\ ////////\\\\\\\\ So now the end is here, and so I face the final curtain... (Alright, so I'm no ASCII-art artist!) So that's it, the end of the first season of Not A Perfect Love. Season Two, Not A Perfect Life will come soon. Write to me at FallenAngelII@hotmail.com For all of those who read and give me feedback: Thank you! (English, well, duh!) Tack! (Swedish) Takk! (Norwegian) Tak! (Danish) Spatsiba! (Russian) Arigato! (Japanese) Gracias! (Spanish) Gratzie! (Italian) Merci! (French) Cam on! (Vietnamese) Cap con cah! (Thai) Danke! (German) Genkuyi! (Polish)