The story below is a work of fiction. It is a love story and will involve sex between young gay males. All the usual rules apply. If it's illegal for you to read this or if you're under 18, don't! You might have read the story before as it used to be in the adult friends section. But after editing it, I thought it was more a youth-oriented story. The story here is exactly the same as the original, but it was a little improved and the characters are a couple of years older to make it more real and believable. I think they were a bit too young in the original. Feedback is welcome and appreciated. This is my first story, so I'd love to know what you think, please, send your comments, firstname.lastname@example.org
You can join my yahoo group to read more, see pictures of the characters and read the band's message board, http://groups.yahoo.com/group/getunitedtoo/
Our stay in Dublin went rather smoothly. I tried to make sure I wouldn't run into my parents, and thankfully, I didn't. But the fact that they were leaving next door to Rob's family was not helping, and I did have a little confrontation with my brother, a big one actually. It earned me a few bruises, but you'll all be very happy to hear that I kicked his ass. Okay, Rob and Jordan helped me, but I could have done it myself. I was not a kid anymore, and I was just as strong as he was. If he thought he could still hurt me without getting hurt too, he was wrong. We didn't exactly send him to the emergency room but we did hurt him a little. He deserved it. You should have heard the stuff he told us, I mean, real homophobic shit. We were not gonna let him get away with it.
I also got to talk to my sister for a few minutes, and amazingly, she was on my side. I think the band had a lot to do with that. She was a pretty 18 year old now and much more open-minded than I had given her credit for in the past. I could see she was proud of me and it felt good to know that they didn't all hate me. So I told her she could call me if she wanted to and that despite everything that was happening with our parents, I wasn't opposed to staying in touch with those in my family who wanted to stay in touch with me, but I wasn't gonna beg for it either. I hoped things would go well for her, I knew how hard it was to be 18 in this house. I remembered how strict my parents were with me, a boy, so I couldn't even imagine how they were like with her. I bet she could never go out!
Rachel had organized a big surprise party with our friends and families. It was great to see so many familiar faces. We partied all night long, and of course they made us play a little. It was a great night.
We all spent a lot of time hanging out with Rachel, apart from Dylan and Elaine. We hadn't seen much of them since our first night at home. They had just locked themselves in her bedroom and... well, I don't want to know what they did. But I couldn't blame them. They only had 4 days together, so they were allowed to spend as much time together alone as they wanted to. I couldn't even imagine how desperate I would be if I hadn't been able to see Rob for 5 months, and if Dylan was really in love, I wondered how he could handle it.
"Oh wow," I said as I felt the baby actually kicking my hand.
"Awesome isn't it?” Rachel said with a bright smile, "Well it's not -that- awesome when he decides to have a little party in there at 3am in the morning though," she laughed.
"Does it hurt?" Jordan asked touching her belly as well.
"Nah, it's all right, but it's starting to get a little uncomfortable now. I feel so big!"
"Well, of course, you have a baby growing inside you." Damon laughed.
"You're telling me!" she yelled, making us laugh. "Look guys, I'm just gonna ask you fair and square and you have to tell me the truth alright ... do I look fat?"
I had to laugh at that, "I told you, you don't... I mean, apart from the big bump... and ... and I think your cheeks are fatter," I teased, looking closely at her face and taking her cheeks between my fingers.
"And God, your ass is huuuge" Damon laughed.
"You bastard!" she yelled punching him weakly. "So not true!"
"Oh careful, you might hurt me," he laughed.
"The only good thing is that my breasts are really big," she giggled.
"Oh are they? I hadn't noticed that," Damon said, looking at Jordan inquisitively.
"No, no, me neither," Jordan answered, "Really not noticeable. I did notice the ass though," and Damon nodded in agreement, laughing.
"Ok that's it, Mark, would you thump those two for me?" she joked.
"Oh I would, but I'm kind of with them on this one" I laughed.
"I'll do it," Rob said jumping on top of Damon and pinning him down to the floor. They started wrestling but Damon quickly found himself desperately trying to wiggle out of Rob's grip to turn the situation to his advantage, but Rob was too strong for him. Despite all his efforts to break free, he was hopelessly pinned down to the floor and all he could do was beg for Rob to get off him.
"Ok, Rach, you ass looks fantastic, you're stunningly beautiful," he yelled.
"Don't overdo the compliment," she giggled.
Rob laughed and started to loosen his grip on him. As soon as Damon felt that Rob was letting him go, he attacked him again and tried to get his revenge. Didn't work! Rob quickly pinned him down again with more force than before and Damon just couldn't move.
"What were you trying to do here?" Rob laughed.
"Ok I give up! I give up! Let me go! please someone help me!" he screamed like a girl.
Jordan and I laughed but tried to make them stop before someone got hurt. And by someone, I mean Damon! Not that he was skinny, but he was not a really strong type of guy. Sometimes, I wondered where he found the energy to play the drums like he did.
"oh Fuck!" he said getting up, catching his breath, "I'm glad I'm not you Mark."
I broke out laughing, "Yeah, don't worry, he doesn't treat me like this."
Rob laughed, "and even if I did, he can pin me down," he said teasing Damon.
Jordan looked at Rob mischievously and told him.
"Oh, yeah, I bet you love that," he laughed. "You like it rough, don't you?"
We were used to Jordan making all sorts of sexual innuendos and there often were a lot of things not to take literally in our conversations.
"Bend over, I'll show you how I like it," Rob joked crawling over to him and Jordan started running away. Rob started chasing after him all over the living room, and they ended up diving over the couch at some point, with Jordan landing on top of Rob. They got into a wrestling match and Rob had trouble breaking free.
"Ha ha," Jordan laughed. "What are you gonna do now? You think you can fuck me so easily, I'm not Mark!"
"I'm aware of that, you would already be naked and on your knees by now."
"Hey," I exclaimed.
"Oh, who are you kidding!" he joked.
"I don't fancy you anyway, so would you take your queer hands off me," he ordered Jordan with a laugh.
"Make me," Jordan said and rocked his hips back and forth firmly to simulate a fuck, "Come on, shut up, and take it like a man." he joked.
"What? That little non-cock of yours!" Rob laughed "I don't need to be a man to take that" He joked, pushing Jordan off the couch, making him fall on the floor
"Guys, there's a baby in the room" Rachel laughed "knock it off."
We laughed and continued messing around.
After a few minutes, Rachel looked down and patted her bump.
"I just can't wait to see him. I bet he's gonna be the cutest baby."
"Well, of course, like father like son" I joked.
"Oh that's good," Rachel said, "I'm glad to see you finally lost your modesty since you became a rock star."
"Are you kidding!" Rob laughed, "he's even worse than he used to be."
I shook my head and looked at him self-consciously, knowing I couldn't really argue with that. He was right. For some reason, in my head, I was never good enough. No matter how much people complimented me, I was never completely satisfied with myself. I always felt this need to surpass myself in everything that I did. Deep down, I knew why that was, but I really didn't want to go there. I was saving that for a good therapy!
"I think that's cute," Rachel said, teasing me.
"Me too," Rob agreed, moving his hands to the side of my head and kissing me softly.
Jordan laughed and took one look at Rachel, "Man, I still can't believe Mark knocked you up."
"Yeah okay, Jordan, I think we've established that already," I joked.
"It only takes one sperm," she joked, using the slogan from a poster you could see in every pubs and clubs in Ireland to encourage contraception. Maybe we should have paid more attention to it.
"Yeah, I'll try to remember this when I have sex with you," he said seriously.
"Oh Jordan, come on," she laughed, "would you stop coming on to me already! I told you, it's not gonna happen!"
"We'll see," he replied confidently. I knew Jordan was constantly flirting with her but he was also constantly flirting with every pretty girl he laid his eyes on. He definitely had a high sex drive, I think his libido was always operating at maximum speed but I was starting to wonder if maybe he wasn't secretly interested in Rachel because he never missed an opportunity to flirt with her.
"So first, you try to fuck my boyfriend, and now you're hitting on my girl?" I kidded, pushing him.
"Your girl? I don't think so buddy! Pick what side of the road you drive on, you can't have it both ways."
We laughed and Jordan said clapping his hand together.
"Anyway ... let's get serious, Rach, when are you moving to London with us?"
"Oh guys, I don't know," she said a bit apprehensively, "I'm not sure it's a very good idea right now. I don't want to be alone in London with a new born baby to take care of all by myself."
"You won't be alone, we're gonna start rehearsing for the tour in London in January," Jordan said.
"Yeah exactly, you'll be rehearsing, you're never going to be home. And I want my mum to help me at the beginning. It'd be crazy to move to London right away."
"But you -will- move to London, right?" I asked.
"Of course, Mark, I want you to see your kid but I just don't know how we can really make this work"
"Come on tour with us." Jordan suggested.
"With a baby?"
"Yeah why not," I said, " look, I told you, we're gonna be touring in England for months, much more than in Ireland, there won't be that much traveling. You don't have to follow us around everywhere if you don't want to but with a little willingness, it shouldn't too hard for us to come to you if you're in London, or for you to come to us."
"Absolutely," Jordan said, "and when we go on tour in Europe, you can either come with us with the baby or stay in London or go back to Dublin, it's up to you."
"It could be kinda cool to travel all around Europe. You'll be working and I'll just go sightseeing," she giggled.
"And," I emphasized, "if you move to London, you can go to a good art school over there."
That ought to convince her. She was very artistic and creative. She loved to paint and draw and she wanted to make a living out of it.
"Oh I would love that," she said enthusiastically, gently clapping her hands together.
"Plus, you should see the place Rach," Damon told her, "it's really awesome. You can move in with us," he said referring to himself, Jordan and Dylan, "or with Rob and Mark if you don't mind hearing some weird stuff at night" he laughed.
"Oh come on," I laughed "but we have much more room, and there's one bedroom which is really far away from ours, so you won't hear anything," I giggled.
"Ew, I hope not," she laughed.
"I'll try not to make Mark scream too loudly," Rob joked.
I laughed and looked at him, "you're on fire."
"Ohh God, I'm gonna have to buy earplugs," Rachel said putting her hands over her ears and leaning forward a little.
"You'd have to get some anyway if you follow us on tour," Damon said.
Before leaving Ireland, we played in a couple of clubs in Dublin and were completely thrilled by the reception of the audience. Man, they loved us! There was something special about playing in Ireland. It was our home country. The Irish public was amazing, the ambiance was awesome. In Ireland (and in England too), we had fans. Some people had started following us with the first album. The clubs we played in in Dublin were filled with people who had paid to see us play, we had already made a name for ourselves. In the rest of Europe it was different, we were still trying to attract an audience. People our age knew who we were but we still had to show what we could do. I couldn't wait to go on tour in Europe.
We left Dublin feeling a bit sad, especially Dylan. Elaine cried her eyes out when we left and even Dylan was crying a little in the cab to the airport so we all tried to cheer him up a little.
We headed to Spain. It was the end of October and it was starting to be a bit cold in Ireland but in Spain it was lovely. We continued the promotion, following a pretty tight schedule but we didn't forget to have our little fun in Spain. Let me tell you, there are quite a few hot guys over there. But you know what? To me, Rob still outshines them, by far!
And on November the 6th, we headed to Rotterdam, in the Netherlands and entered the very private world of award ceremonies. You know, here's what I thought, I wanted wide scale recognition on a musical level, yes! Of course! But becoming properly famous? No, I wasn't sure! Because no one teaches you how to handle it. No one gives you the tools to learn how to cope with fame. There's no evening classes in being famous, there's no celebrity support group you can go to.
Well you know what? Turns out, I was wrong, there are, and they're called award ceremonies.
We were told a couple of weeks before the ceremony that we were to perform during the countdown. We were nervous, much more than we usually were. We were going to perform live on MTV. I mean, it was a big deal.
Surprisingly, Rob seemed to be quite confident before going on stage. He was not his usual nervous wreck, maybe he was starting to get used to it. Me and the guys on the contrary were really nervous. The crowd was overly excited.
We could hear them sing and scream and we were extremely eager to go up on stage and play.
We knew we'd be fine as soon as we started playing but the more we had to wait, the more nervous we grew. The anticipation was killing us and for some reason, we were really intimidated by the audience. It felt sort of like a test. We wanted that crowd to go wild for us!
This performance was gonna be watched all over Europe. Man, we wanted to stand out and make an impression. Sure, a lot of people had heard our music on the radio, seen our videos, but most of them had never seen us play live and we were gonna show them what we could do and how good we could be! That was an important night as far as promotion was concerned.
A few minutes before going up on stage, we did what we had started doing before every performance.
"Okay, huddle up guys..." Rob called and we huddled up.
"Alright, let's make this the best Rock n Roll show they'll see this evening, during the countdown anyway," he laughed and said what had become our pre-gig prayer,
"Lord, grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change.
The courage to change the things we can.
And the wisdom to know the difference"
"Thank you very much" We all said and broke the huddle. We were ready!
We had a new single out but we played "misjudged". The crowd was really into it. It was so great to see them respond so enthusiastically.
Rob was really communicating with them and attracting their attention. They knew the lyrics and sang along with him the whole time. It was thrilling and it made me feel confident. We stood a good chance of winning.
After the performance, we all got back to our dressing room, feeling euphoric after a performance that had been really special and just a few steps before reaching it, I stopped dead in my track, stopped breathing and almost died right there on the spot.
Damon bumped into me as I stopped walking and I grabbed his arm, still looking straight ahead. The guys all looked at me and understood what was happening to me. Bono and the Edge from U2 were standing right there, talking. I couldn't believe it. I just couldn't believe it. I knew they were nominated for best live act and they were going to perform during the ceremony but it still felt like an unrealizable dream to meet them. And even though we were now working in the same business, following in their footsteps, they still seemed to be unattainable.
We really hoped we'd be able to maybe meet them but it felt so weird to actually see them, so close. I had been waiting for that moment my whole life, or so it seemed.
I didn't tell you this yet, but Bono was like my GOD! If I wanted UNI to have a similar career to any band on this planet, that would be U2, no doubt. They were IT, they were the best, THE greatest Rock n roll band in the world! We kind of all stood there and watched them. We couldn't go into our dressing room. I mean U2 was right there, how could we just go into our dressing room like it was no big deal? We were all huge fans. They were our inspiration. We admired their career so much.
We were glancing at them, trying to think of a good way to approach them, when Bono saw us, waved and smiled. How my God! This was not happening! He then told the person he was talking with that he would be right back, or that's what it seemed like and he walked up to us. We couldn't believe it. I know I couldn't. When he was within arm's reach, he extended his arm for a handshake, saying, like we were old friends,
"Well, hello there, how are you?"
We shook his hand, not really sure what to say. It was so overwhelming. I was speechless. That's quite something when you meet your idol. If it hadn't been for fear of making a fool of myself, I might have just passed out!
"I've heard a lot about you. You're from Dublin, aren't you? I'd love to chat with you for a bit. I really liked your album, it's quite something for kids your age."
We thanked him, trying to act as cool as possible. He told us that he had to go, but that we'd have more time to talk after the ceremony. He wished us good luck for the nomination and he was gone. I looked at Damon, unable to speak.
"What just happened?" Damon asked in disbelief.
"He likes our album!" Rob said excitedly. "Did he just say that he likes our album? I think I could just die happy right now."
"I wanna cry," I said smiling, feeling Jordan rest his chin on my shoulder, saying "jeez, that was surreal". I wondered if Bono had any idea what he was doing to us.
The ceremony started. That night, U2, the Spice Girls, Jon Bon Jovi, Aerosmith, Skunk Anansie and the Backstreet Boys were to perform live. Ronan Keating, from Boyzone, an Irish boy band was hosting the event and with U2 performing, I thought to myself that it had to be a good sign. Maybe it was going to be a night for Irish people to shine!
It was brilliant to be a part of this but deep down, we didn't really feel like we belonged. We had every right to be nominated, our album was doing really well in the charts and `misjudged' had reached number one or two in a few countries including Holland, Ireland, England or Germany. Every day, we could see how big we were starting to become but it felt weird. All of a sudden, we were surrendered by famous people and it was intimidating. We were supposed to act cool and unimpressed but we didn't really know how to behave, what to say, what to do, how to act! This was all new to us but something told me it was not gonna take us very long to get used to being around the rich and the famous, even though some of them seemed to be really shallow.
Three awards were given out, and when the nominees for best song were presented, a shill ran up my spine as I heard people scream at the sound of our name. They also screamed at others but it seemed like they had been louder for us, or maybe I was just imagining it.
"This award is ours Mark," Jordan whispered in my ear, "it gotta be. I'd stake my life on it right now."
"Don't say that, you're gonna bring us bad luck," I told him.
I hoped we would win this but I didn't have very high expectations. I wasn't gonna break down crying if we didn't get this award. I didn't want to be too disappointed if we lost. Being nominated in this category was already something.
But when I heard UNI being screamed into the microphone and the sound of 'misjudged' invade the whole concert hall, I realized that I did want it. I wave of happiness swept over me and it was dizzying.
"Told you," Jordan smiled and we all got up, feeling uneasy but so proud of ourselves. We made our way onto the stage, hearing the crowd scream and cheer. Rob was handed the award and we all walked toward the podium trying to act like we belonged. We were all in a daze, drunk with joy, and it sort of made it easier to enjoy the moment.
We had tried to come up with a speech in case we won but it was so intimidating. We didn't really know what to say. Rob was supposed to speak, and being his usual confident guy when he was out in public like that, he made a pretty good job out of it and we didn't really say much, beside thank you.
We got back to our seats, euphoric, people congratulating us on the way and before we even had time to digest our victory, the nominees for best breakthrough were presented. Maybe an hour must have passed but it felt like it was only 5 minutes. We still hadn't come down from the cloud we were on so we were not anticipating it. Actually, I think we didn't really care anymore, we had won an award, it was enough for us. It meant so much already!
"And the winner is..."
"U-N-I" and we heard people cheer again.
"no way!" Rob exclaimed, looking at me. We all smiled broadly, stood up and hugged each other. This was an even better feeling than the first time because we were much more relaxed. It was the icing on the cake. We were so fucking proud and happy. Again, we thanked everyone who had worked with us on the album, Tom, our fans, our families, our friends, the whole bit. I even said a little something for Rachel so she'd have something to make her friends jealous. That ought to keep her busy for a few days!
Oh God, it was just so thrilling and exhilarating!
When the ceremony ended, it was almost midnight. A few journalists interviewed us rapidly, asking us how we felt about winning two awards out of two. We knew that whatever we would say would be in the paper on the next day, so we tried to give smart answers.
We got back to our dressing room to gather our stuff. We had to leave the concert hall soon for a VIP party where most artists were going. We were cheerfully talking about the ceremony, checking out the awards when Tom came in the room followed by Bono. Now, that was just too much!
"Congratulations," Bono said, "you totally deserved that. How does it feel?"
I smiled and we were all silent for a few seconds, trying to get over the fact that Bono was right there, talking to us and I replied, "to be honest, it feels amazing and surreal"
"Totally," Jordan agreed almost fidgeting, "jeez, I'm sorry but I can't even believe you are in our dressing room. I mean, we are -huge-huge- fans. You, you're the best, we love your music, everything you've done, you're such an inspiration, really. I just can't believe you're here. This, this is unbelievable" He was so thrilled and excited that Bono laughed.
"Well, of course I'm here, us Irish people got to stick together but, hey, I like your excitement, you should never lose your sense of wonder. So how is it going? I know it's not easy to be a new band these days, there is a lot of competition but you seem to be different, I like that. I just hope you won't let the industry eat you alive," he said as he sat down on the sofa in the room and Tom gave him a glass of water.
"Yes, everything that's happened is a bit overwhelming," I said as we all sat down to chat with him, as unbelievable as it seemed, "I wouldn't have said that a few months ago but now I think promoting the album is the hardest part"
"Ahh, you know, that's how it works. I've been there. You spend all this time and energy trying to get a record deal, writing songs, then you get to the end of this whole struggle and find out it's only the beginning. The real work starts now boys. You have great talent and great potential, don't waste it. Don't lose yourselves in this industry. You are so like us, I have this feeling that you can just be the next U2. I see so many similarities, in your music, in your lyrics, in your attitude. You are so like how we were when we started. It's just not the same generation. You are the new generation. Finally. I've been waiting for you."
Oh dear God! It was so wonderful to hear that. Hearing Bono call us the next U2 is still to this day one of the greatest moments of my life. I tried to stay cool but inside, I was feeling completely ecstatic.
"You are alone out there. You're not going to be able to take the usual road to success. But I really think it's important that you get to where you're going, you get a chance to fulfill your potential. `Cause music can be a celebration of life. It's a contemporary art form for everybody, working-class, upper-class, never before has there been an art form so versatile. And it's being abused. It's being commercialized. And it's being bent. Power corrupts and it bent it out worse than it was in the first place. U2 are standing against that and I have a feeling that you are too. It's one more up for the positive side of this culture, -the pop culture-, as we always call it. It's not a bad thing, "pop", it's actually the name of our last album. We're making pop music in a way because it's about what's popular, what the audience chooses to hear, what people listen to and sing to themselves even when the band isn't there. But U2 is a Rock band, and you are a Rock band. But when Rock becomes popular, then it's pop by definition except that Rock will be there no matter what, it's not like pop. Pop is an insubstantial thing. When the bubble bursts, it's all gone. U2 is still alive after twenty years of working together because what we do is Rock music and we are not motivated by anything else but the music. And let me tell you, if U2 is on the radio, if you're on the radio, if you get to number one, you're doing all the people that make that crap factory-produced music out of a job. I think it's important. You've got big talent, you've got a part to play."
Oh God, I was convinced. He was saying exactly what I was thinking inside. Bono can be a real preacher, a mesmerizing speaker. He goes straight for the big issues. He's so deep, maybe too deep for some people. I was drinking in his every word. I felt like it was God speaking, I didn't want him to stop. Plus, he was talking to us like our opinions were really important to him. He was putting us in the middle of the conversation even though he was doing all the talking. Sort of like our involvement and agreement was vital. And he was talking with such warmth, humour and humility. I was mesmerized.
"My God, you are really good for your age. It's the first time I look at a new band and I can just see you will still be around in twenty years. I can just see it and the audience will see it too. You have that quality. Don't lose it. Never forget where you're coming from and what you've got to say. You know, the great thing about having success at an early age is that you don't do anything you don't want to. Pretty cool, isn't it? I didn't listen to your first album..."
"Don't," I said shaking my head no, "it's really not worth listening to" I chuckled.
"Oh, that bad?" He let out a small laugh, "I remember being that young, we formed U2 when we were 15,16. We were full of dreams, waiting to be discovered. And if we had been, we would have loved to record an album. It probably wouldn't have been very good but we wouldn't have passed up the opportunity. Ready or not."
"Yeah, well, we didn't pass up the opportunity but maybe we should have" Rob laughed "it was a great experience though. If people think that the second album is good, it's only because we were more experienced thanks to the first one"
"Funny thing, I listened carefully to your lyrics and I just heard what was going on in my head when I was your age."
"Well, yeah, sure, you're our inspiration" Damon laughed.
"All I can tell you is that you have to give as much as you can to your public, in your lyrics, on stage.... I heard you were really good on stage."
"That's what they say." Rob joked.
"You know, can I offer you a word of advice" he asked Rob seriously.
"Please do." Rob encouraged.
"As a singer, you have to give. You have to look like you belong up there. Your fans can't all be at the front row. What you give to them can't be about physical proximity. They can be in some clubs and they can be right up a yard from you and it seems like you're a million miles away. It's something to do with generosity that makes for a great live event. It's nothing to do with scale. A director once said to me the thing that marks some performers and actors from others is you can sense that they could get down off that screen and be on your lap, in your face. You've just got to give."
"It's hard though, to give all the time, cause it's not just on stage that I have to do it. I feel like I need to be someone else when I'm on stage or in public so I just sort of create different personalities and just slip into the most appropriate one. But I'm afraid I might just end up forgetting who I really am."
Bono laughed "I know what you mean. To tell you the truth, I have no control over who I wake up as. I wish I did. But they are not enemies, these different sides to yourself. The thing is that it makes it hard to perform when you're just not in the mood and not to perform when you are. Sometimes, I just go back home after a tour and want to climb on the table at 11o'clock every night and try to perform. And I'm wondering where are the 50,000 people" We all laughed.
"But no matter how you feel, the public always gives something back. Blind panic always sets in before a gig but then you set foot on stage and get completely intoxicated by the reception of the audience. It can be a very trippy experience, like you're on the moon or something. They make you feel special and if you are trying to fill a hole, music and being a performer is an obvious route. Ultimately it won't be satisfying, but insecurity is at the root of most interesting endeavours, I find. If you're totally secure in yourself and you were told all your life that you were the bee's knees, well, you're probably gonna wind up with a respectable job in the City or something!"
"Yeah, something tells me it's not gonna happen to me" Rob joked.
"You know, people are always gonna think that your life is so much better than theirs. The media can be so powerful. People believe more what they read than what they actually see. But at the end of the day, our lives are not that different. When you spend time in the Third world, the gap between an ordinary life there and a life in the West is enormous, almost unimaginable. But the gap between where most people are in developed countries and where I am is microscopic. It's just degree of luxury. Because what I own, the money, that's not what's important. It's never been important. It's the family and the work. The people you love. They remind you who you are. That's important. It's the same things everyone cares about."
"Yes, I agree with that," Rob said, "but I already feel like some people look at me like I'm better than them. Some of them see me as perfection. I mean I can see they feel a sense of admiration when they look at me and it's very disturbing. I don't feel that special."
"Yeah, but that's not a bad thing. It means you're already making a difference. You're lucky enough to have touched a few lives. In all modesty, I have probably touched millions. I hope I have. I hope you will, all of you. I can see you all have a tremendous energy inside you. I'm sure you feel you could go on all night when you're on stage"
We all smiled and nodded. It was so true. "You know, Rock n roll gives you the power to change the world, use it, mobilize people as much as you can through your music."
"How do you do it?" Damon asked curiously "I mean, how do you manage to find time to actually fit in your family and U2 and all the charitable causes?"
"I manage to find time because I am not in any way at peace. I think the world is a really unfair and often wicked place and beauty is a consolation prize. And it's not enough for me. It just isn't. There's always been a kind of rage in me and it does still bubble up. Debt relief is not a charity. Seven thousand Africans dying every day of a preventable, treatable disease is not a cause. It's an emergency and if you feel that rage, and if you can give some of your time to make a change, any change, you've got to do it."
I couldn't help but think that coming out was probably one of the first steps Rob and I would have to take if we wanted to try and make a change in society. We would surely do a great service to the gay community if we decided to be completely open about our true selves. I didn't think I wanted to become a gay activist though, but if coming out could help some people to be more open and tolerant, I think I was willing to do it.
"Yeah, fame definitely gives you that power, doesn't it?" Dylan said.
"Fame is a weird thing. It can be quite tough. There's some strong stuff out there, and I'm not talking about drink and drugs. I'm talking about other ways of seeing the world just through the prism of being a star and being so privileged you can get bent out of shape. The whole business of people thinking you're important because you can write a song and sing it rather than being a nurse or a fireman, how absurd is that? You got to stay humble. This guy said to me years ago, "My son's a doctor, he saves lives. How many lives have you saved?"
"Yeah," I said, "but you always hear famous people being described as larger than life. People look up to them. I look up to you," I admitted and he smiled, "we can't change that."
"No, and I deal with this every day. That's what fame does to you. Everybody wants a piece of you and it's hard on people around you. My wife Ali, for instance. She's a beautiful woman and she's used to getting attention in a way that she almost wouldn't notice it. Before becoming famous, I walked into a restaurant with Ali, all eyes were on her, but now, if she's with me, people look right through her. They don't see her at all. They push her out of their way to get to me. It's as if she's invisible."
I didn't say anything but I was already starting to see that in the way people behaved toward Rob and the rest of us. Rob had people's attention, we were number two.
I also started thinking about the fact that Bono was married to his childhood sweetheart. He had probably never been in a relationship with another woman. It was pretty amazing and it made me feel confident about the future. Bono's relationship with his wife shown that it was actually possible to stay committed for that long despite the pressures and the temptations of the music business. If he had done it, I was sure Rob and I could. I truly believed our feelings for each other were strong enough.
We talked some more and all of a sudden, Bono said to us, "you know, I like you boys. We might work together one of these days, what do you think? Let's give you some time to find yourselves and we'll do something, maybe on your next album."
I didn't know if he could see it on my face...probably, since I couldn't stop smiling, but inside I was jumping up and down exhilarated, and I could tell by the way we all looked at each other that I was not the only one to feel this way. Bono was actually offering to work with us. We were good enough to work with U2. That was insane! Hearing this instantly made my heart beat faster and my body temperature rise. I felt euphoric and there was more to come.
"I've talked to Nigel recently and he told me about you," he said, looking at me, "he was very impressed with you, now that I've listened to your album, I understand why. You remind me of Edge when he was younger, you have that quality as a musician. No one plays like Edge. His riffs can't quite be replicated by another. Edge's sound is so -him-. Take him away from U2 and U2 wouldn't sound like U2 at all and as I listened to your album, that's what I heard. UNI wouldn't sound the same without you. As an original, you're right up there! There are very few musicians who can do this, it's an amazing gift and the fact that you already have that quality at you age is remarkable. I see so much potential in all of you"
I smiled and thanked him for the compliment, probably blushing a little. Rob looked at me and smiled broadly. He knew what I was thinking and how it was making me feel to hear that. I had had people compliment me on my playing but coming from Bono, it meant the world to me.
"You're really not kidding about wanting to work with us?" Damon asked cheerfully, "oh that would be the dream. I actually had a dream about that. You'd make my dream come true if we did work together."
Bono laughed "Ah, this is funny. You know that happened to me too, dreaming about my idols. I was staying in LA, right, and I had a dream one night about Bob Dylan, and I woke up and just started writing that song. And it's about a man who people keep turning to as a saviour but whose own life is getting messed up and he could use a bit of salvation himself. I wrote a couple of verses and I didn't really know what to do with it, but I thought, I'm a rock star, right? and I've actually got Bob Dylan's number... somewhere ! So why don't I give him a call? So I go over to his house and I told him I've got this song, it's not finished, and he says, play it to me , and he just started making up lyrics on the spot. It was incredible, whole verses just came pouring out. And so I actually got to finish the song with the man in my dream! So let me tell you, dreaming about it doesn't mean it can't come true. Give me a call if you have a great idea for a song and you need a little push, who knows, I might be able to do what Dylan did.... not you," he kidded, pointing his finger at Dylan and we laughed. Man, he was so cool.
We were silent for a few seconds and Rob asked "Can I ask you something?"
"About religion ... How do you make U2 and Rock n roll compatible with your faith," he said inquiringly, apparently expecting a lot from the answer. I knew sometimes he found it difficult not to do things he knew he probably shouldn't do but wanted to do and he was a bit confused about how to deal with all the temptations. We all were.
"Ah, yes, this was not easy. I know you boys believe in God, your lyrics speak for themselves, I admire that coming from young people like you because I realize it's hard now to find faith in religion when you see all the temptations and all the damage it's done, especially growing up in a country like Ireland."
"Yeah, it is unsettling. You just don't really know what to think anymore. I'd like to believe that we're not in danger anymore but actually I think we are" Rob said.
"Sure. Religion is responsible for a lot of bad things that have happened in Ireland and in the world, but I have to say, it's probably done a lot of good things too. It's sort of politically incorrect but if you look around you, at practical things missionaries have achieved in some of the toughest areas of the world, hospitals and schools in Nicaragua and Calcutta, well, Idon't want to be the defender of religion but if I had to be, I probably could, apart from the odd Spanish inquisition. Even though I'm not into religion.I am completely anti-religious. Religion is a term for a collection, a denomination. Religion is almost like when God leaves and then people devise a set of rules to fill the space. I am interested in the personal experience of God"
"That's -exactly- what I think" Rob said about that last statement.
"Yeah? That doesn't surprise me. You know, when I was 14, I called out and asked God to show me a direction, and I wondered whether there was any direction or not, and then I saw it happening. I saw the band taking shape and being pointed in that direction and it gave me an insight. This is funny, because I was part of a Christian Movement in school and I found them very uncool. But I realize now that that is their beauty. Because God's values are not the values of this world. They're not the values of cool. It says in the Bible that it's harder for a rich man to get into the kingdom of Heaven than it is for a camel to get through the eye of a needle, and we are rich men. We are people who are rich in intellect or personality and we tend to judge people by our values. God doesn't judge people by our values so it's usually humble people who find God. But at that stage, I couldn't handle those people so I left that movement. It's not easy being a Christian, I don't have all the answers, I haven't got everything sussed. When you discover Christianity, you discover other things as well. You tend to experience a darker side of life. You experience great temptation.
Becoming a Christian you go into battle. Because of what U2 stands for, because of where we are in the business, you wouldn't believe the pressures we're under. I mean spiritually. We get up early in the morning and we work against it. Every day is a battle, every moment is a struggle, and it's the same struggle other people have in life if they're looking for an answer. It's the same struggle you seem to be going through. But we can't force people to believe. If there is a God and Jesus Christ died on the cross and if there is any value in what He says, it should be shown in our lives. We're not puritans. We're not saying this is the right way and others are wrong. I wouldn't lay my beliefs on anybody but if people come up to me and say "I'm asking questions" I'm willing to share my experience, and that's what I advice you to do too. But look at our bass player, Adam. He is free as any individual. He honours our commitment. He realizes that it is a very important source of inspiration. But he rejects it himself. That's the way the world should be. I'm not going to hit somebody over the head if they don't believe but I truly believe that U2's commitment to Christianity has helped us rise to the top of the music business and that can happen for you too."
"But don't you think it's hard to surrender your own will," Jordan asked, "There's so much in life that I want to experience and I don't want to be stopped by all that Catholic guilt they tried to foist on me growing up."
"A lot of people think surrendering to God means giving up all the "good things". I used to believe that, in a way. But when you get involved, you start to see things very clearly. You start to see what's happening around you. When a guy goes for you with a bottle, you realize what is happening, you realize he's being cheated. It's an insight. It's certainly not puritanical or cowardly. It's not about abdicating responsibility for your own existence. It's about taking life into your own hands. But sometimes I think it takes a lot more courage not to believe. I don't know what gets you through the night. The problem with Godless universe is that you're on your own. You're responsible for no one but yourself and I suppose it makes it hard to care about things."
"That's true. I don't want to think that our ultimate fate is simply to cease to be every time I think about the future," Dylan said.
"Neither do I. And I am a believer ...but I find it hard to be around religion. But if I were living close by I'd definitely be in the congregation at Glide Memorial in San Francisco. Rev Cecil Williams there looks after the homeless, gays, straights; he marched with Martin Luther King, he's funny as hell, pardon the pun" he laughed "and you can get an HIV test during the service. Now that's my kind of Church" Bono smiled.
"That's definitely my kind of Church too," Rob said.
"I'm sure it is," Bono smiled, winking at Rob, a bit like he knew what he meant by that. I wondered if maybe he did, if maybe he could see through him. I almost wanted to come out to him and ask him what was his opinion on homosexuality and if he had any advice on how to deal with fame, rock, religion and homosexuality, but I guess it was best not to for now.
"Just be careful though. You don't want to be the band that talks about God. U2 never wanted to be that band. Anything that has to be said on that personal level is in the music or on stage and you don't want to go through the media. And it's not easy to join Rock n roll and Christianity. U2 had some tough times. But let me tell you this: The band that prays together, stays together." Oh, we would stay together then.
We talked for a few more minutes. We wanted him to tell us absolutely everything he could tell us. We had so many questions, we had been fans our whole lives, it felt like we knew him, his life, his work, there were so many things we wanted to know, so many advices we wanted him to give us. He had done everything we were preparing ourselves to do. We loved him. We were so delighted and overjoyed to talk to him.
I asked him a few questions about some of U2's lyrics I found intriguing and I got my answers. I wished we could have talked all night long. When he left, he wished us good luck for the future and said something I will always remember
"Remember this. If you want an easy life, if you're happy with your lot, if you see success as your goal, it's over. I think there's nothing sadder than people who think they have arrived. I know you've got a future. I know you can fill stadiums, never stop working and never stop giving. Keep dreaming and reinventing yourselves. Don't lose your musical and intellectual curiosity, there're always things to discover. Wear your heart on your sleeve and be real. And let your doubts and insecurities fuel your work. Don't be scared of them. If you want to be the biggest rock band in the world, you will be, it's as simple as that." He stepped outside our dressing room saying, "God bless, see you soon," and I hoped we would.
It was almost 2am when we took a limo and headed to a VIP club in town. I couldn't believe we were now part of that world. The place was filled with celebrities, some of whom we really admired. It was amazing. U2 was there and Bono quickly introduced me to the Edge. We talked for a few minutes about music of course, especially the guitar. God, I loved my life!
Rob, Damon and Jordan started really partying. They made their way onto the dance floor but Dylan and I continued talking with a bunch of people. We were having a great time. All these people who wanted to talk with us made us feel really special. People kept coming up to us to congratulate us and it was just awesome. We were all over the place. We felt like we had really achieved something.
A journalist from Q started talking to us and I found him extremely interesting to talk to. He knew so much about music, he had met so many bands, I was drinking in his every word like I had done for Bono. Before I knew it, it was over 4 am and we were still talking. The club was still filled with people because from what I had heard, there was going to be an after party until at least 8 or 10 am but he told us he had to leave and gave us his card. My pocket was filled with those.
"This is one of the best nights of my life," I told Dylan happily.
"I know. I still can't believe we met Bono tonight. BONO!" he emphasized the name. I'm not sure we had really realized that. It hadn't quite sinked in yet.
"Not to mention winning two awards" I said.
"And performing on MTV."
"God, How did we get here?" I asked in disbelief.
"We took a limo" he laughed "this is crazy isn't it?"
"Totally. We're so lucky."
"Hey, we've worked hard for it, if we're here, it's because we deserve it."
"Yeah, but still, we're fucking lucky" I smiled.
"Should we try to find the guys? I can't see them anywhere."
I agreed and Dylan told me he was gonna run to the bathroom quickly while I tried to find them. The club was not that big but it had two floors. I looked around for a few minutes and found them dancing with plenty of other people on the upper floor. Apparently they were enjoying themselves. I walked up to them and soon realized something was weird. As soon as Rob saw me, he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into him, like ...I don't know like what... like he expected us to make out urgently right there on the dance floor. I was surprised by his sudden boldness and I immediately resisted and took a step backwards before he could kiss me. That was so not the place!
"What are you doing?" I asked.
"Hehe Mark" Jordan laughed coming up behind me and wrapping his arm around my shoulders "where were you ? you're missing out on all the fun. Here, we saved you some" He put something into my mouth and I immediately spit it out and took it between my fingers.
"What the fuck is this?" I exclaimed, looking at it and realizing what it was. "Oh my God, is this an E?" I asked softly, trying not to draw attention to us.
"I can't believe you guys, are you fucking stupid?" I said, without really expecting an answer, considering how high they seemed to be.
They didn't give me one, and just continued dancing, not paying attention to me anymore. I grabbed Rob by his shirt and pulled him towards me to get his attention,
"What are you thinking, taking this shit?" I asked with a slightly angry tone.
He smacked his lips against my cheek and then pressed his left cheek against mine, speaking into my ear, "take it"
I felt his crotch rub up against mine and I instantly felt through both of our jeans that he was hard. He started grinding his body against mine, pulling me even closer to him, like you would do with someone you're sexually attracted to. He was being so obvious. I couldn't believe him but I couldn't stop him either. There was an instant and undeniable physical attraction between us that I just couldn't fight.
"Come on baby, just take it," he said looking deep into my eyes. He brought his hand down to mine and took the E between his fingers. He then pressed it against my lips and slid it into my mouth, still holding me tight against him, his lips really close to mine and I stared at him. If he hadn't been trying to make me swallow that damn drug, I was pretty sure he would have just roughly shoved his tongue into my mouth. I felt him slid his lips over mine and I started to worry about what he was going to do next. This was already compromising enough.
Fuck! There was a huge sexual energy emanating from him like I had never quite seen in him before. And yet, he was one horny boy and when he wanted to fuck, he didn't waste any time getting down to business. But this was different. He wasn't just horny, he was out of control.
But I gotta say, it made him look fucking hot and I couldn't quite take my eyes off him. I felt extremely attracted to him and it took all of my self-control not to meet his sexual aggressiveness. My right hand was pressed against his biceps and he felt hard and strong. Damn, I wanted him. If I hadn't been so mad at him for taking an E, I would have started thinking about finding a good place in this club to fuck our brains out. Actually I did think about it, but I tried to control myself.
The E was now in my mouth, and Rob's boldness was definitely making me hot as hell and I was getting hard. Had I drunk a little bit more, I might have swallowed. For a split second, I almost hesitated but I was sober and fully aware that it was neither the place nor the day to do crazy shit that could get us in trouble. There were too many journalists and important people around and I was too concerned about what we might end up doing if we were both fucked up on drugs. I knew how incredibly hard he was to resist and if I hadn't been sober, I was pretty sure I would have let him kiss me. Rob had clearly no idea what he was doing and if I had let him, he would have probably slid his hands down my pants in front of everybody, and God knows what else. Not that anyone seemed to care. It almost seemed like everybody around us was on a trip but still, it was a dangerous game to play. I spit out the E and put it discretely in my pocket.
"Rob, stop this right now! This is so not the place." At that point, he had squeezed my ass a few times and slipped his hands under my shirt and they were sliding all over my back. I didn't want to stop him but as I felt his lips on my neck, I grasped his arms and pushed him away. I looked into his eyes and he met my gaze.
"Do you realize where you are and what you're doing?" I asked him almost laughing. He wrapped his arms around me again, smiling, trying to kiss me, and again, I pushed him away, coming to my senses.
"Stop." I laughed. "Jeez, you're out of control."
Jordan came up between us and Rob started dancing with him. Great! Was he gonna go after Jordan now? I was relieved to see that he didn't try to touch him or kiss him and it gave me an opportunity to walk away. I saw Dylan walking up to me and when he was close enough, I told him,
"They took an E, they're completely high."
"Nooo" he said looking at them.
"Yes" ..."what do we do?" I asked him walking away with him.
"Jeez, I can't believe them."
"I would go and dance with them but Rob keeps trying to molest me on the dance floor" I laughed.
Dylan's eyes widened, "Really? Cut it out! He didn't!"
"I'm telling you!"
"Oh man, that sucks. I kind of want to go back to the hotel, I'm tired"
"Me too" I laughed "looks like we could use a little E."
"Yeah, I'll pass. Not my thing!"
"Me neither. Let me tell you, Rob's gonna hear about this tomorrow"
"Jeez, looks like they're gonna keep dancing until the club closes. And apparently, it's not gonna happen for another 4 hours"
"Great!" I exclaimed.
"Look, they're together, they'll be fine! Let's just go!"
"Are you sure? Do you think it's safe to leave them here?"
"I don't see why we couldn't, they can take care of themselves."
"Yeah, I guess. I don't really want to wait until they come down from wherever they are right now. Hey, are we too serious?" I joked.
Dylan laughed. "Why? because we didn't take an E? I don't think so. Let me tell you, I don't feel like I haven't celebrated our victory tonight!"
Around 5, we left the club and got back to the hotel. I woke up really late the next day alone in my room. I was not freaking out but I was worried. I hoped the guys were ok. I wasn't sure if I was being too uptight about this but I really didn't like the fact that they had taken drugs. I mean, I didn't care what people did with their lives. If people wanted to get fucked up on drugs, it was their problem. I actually found it pretty funny to see people off their faces.
But I was against hard drugs. I didn't want to do them at all and I certainly didn't want Rob to do them. Alcohol, pot, even mushrooms was one thing but I didn't want to try hard drugs. I think I was scared of liking it too much. I knew how quickly people could get addicted and how hard it was to come off drugs. I didn't want some addiction to take control of my life!
I called Rob on his cell, but got the machine. I tried to stay calm. I was sure there was no reason to freak out, he was probably just sleeping somewhere? but I was still worried.
I ordered breakfast, took a shower and called him again and this time, he picked up.
"Hey, where are you? are you alright?" I asked.
"Sure, I'm fine, I crashed in Jordan and Damon's room. Couldn't find my keys. What about you?"
"I'm in our room."
"Oh, ok. I'll be right there."
Minutes later, he knocked on the door and I let him in. He immediately walked to the bathroom and I followed him, asking him how long they had stayed at the club after Dylan and I left. He didn't answer, just shrugged and started running the bath. I was about to say something but as he began brushing his teeth, there was a knock at the door. I decided I could still wait a few more minutes to lecture him and I made my way over to the door. It was my breakfast. I sat down and had breakfast while I waited for Rob to come out of the bathroom. When he did, he was naked and still a bit wet, looking fucking gorgeous. He walked over to his suitcase to get dressed and I couldn't help but stare at his naked body for a few seconds. Man, I loved how he looked, everything about him was strong, tight and perfectly proportioned. I continued studying him from head to toe while he looked for something in his suitcase. There was not one single inch of is body I didn't go nuts for. He was beautiful, but that was not going to stop me from lecturing him.
"So, what do you think you were doing last night?" I asked him, making it clear I was not happy with him. He was holding his boxer-briefs in his hands, about to put them on. He stopped when he heard my question and sighed. Good, a few more seconds to stare at his ass.
"I knew I was not gonna get away with this ... look I was just having fun alright, don't make a big deal out of it. I had, like, a one hour sleep, so please" he said putting his briefs on. Ok, that was gonna be much easier to get mad at him now that his cock was not in full view anymore.
"Don't make a big deal? so you just get fucked up on drugs, and I'm not supposed to say anything," I said calmly.
"Oh come on, it was just an E. Everybody was doing it. We're in Holland, it's the country of drugs."
"So? I don't give a shit where we are. What kind of dumb excuse is that?" I said getting mad.
He walked over to the table and sat down on a chair next to me.
"Well, it was convincing when Jordan used it. Look he's the one who bought them, be mad at him!" he said, eating what was left of my breakfast.
"Why am I not surprised?" I exclaimed, "but so what if Jordan bought them? Don't you have any willpower? you could have said no."
"Yeah, I could have, but maybe I didn't want to. My God, Mark, you wouldn't believe how it makes you feel, it's so awesome!"
I shook my head in exasperation.
"Well, it sure made you feel horny" I chuckled.
"Why, what did I do?" he laughed.
"You practically outed yourself!" I kidded. although it wasn't far from the truth.
"Hey, I was there! If I hadn't stopped you, I think you could have just sucked my cock on the dance floor. I'm telling you, anyone watching could have easily concluded that you're gay"
"Really? No, seriously, what did I do?"
"I told you, you tried to kiss me and... oh whatever but you see, that's the danger of drugs, you're not in control of yourself anymore."
"Oh listen to you, 'mister I fuck girls when I'm drunk', you can talk!" he joked.
"Yeah exactly, I can. And I've learned my lesson. Dammit Rob, I don't want you to take this so lightly. You know how it works. First it's alcohol, then it's pot, now it's E and next thing you know you're a fucking heroin addict."
"Don't you think you're overreacting a little bit."
"No, I don't think I'm overreacting."
Ok maybe I was, but I just didn't want him to do drugs. You let this go the first time and who knows what can happen. I knew him. He was the kind of guy who could get addicted to drugs really easily. Sure, he was self-assured most of the time, but he needed constant reassurance that people liked him and I knew that when he was out in public, it was taking a lot from him to act confident and self-assured.
Yes, he was good at it, but that was not his true personality. Drugs could give that extra confidence, that little thing that makes you feel invincible and take all of your insecurities away. I just knew that if he started doing them on a regular basis like you have a drink or something, he would just get addicted and it would completely fuck him up. I was not gonna let that happen.
"Look, in case you haven't noticed, we're in a business where we are gonna be confronted with drugs all the time. You think it's just an E today, but what are you gonna do next time we go out and someone offers to sell you one? ... well?"
"I don't know, I won't buy it apparently. Maybe I'll say no to an E and buy a shot of heroin instead" he said laughing. He was so not taking this seriously.
"Rob, I'm serious."
He looked at me and rolled his eyes.
"No, listen to me, I'm not kidding. I don't want you to do drugs again. Do you hear me?"
"Fine daddy, I won't."
"Stop joking around," I told him exasperated "You might think it's no big deal right now and I'm sure the stuff is awesome the first time, but you know just as well as I do that you can get addicted to it very quickly"
"It is awesome" he laughed and but I looked at him, extremely annoyed.
He sighed, "fine, I get your point. If it means that much to you, I won't do it again but jeez, if you had tried, you wouldn't be saying the same thing"
I glared at him, still not completely letting it go and I think I was also trying to win the argument just for the sake of winning it.
"Mark, I just wanted to try. I'm not stupid. you can trust me, I know what I'm doing, I don't want to get addicted to drugs."
I sighed and said, "I hope you know what you're doing. But, Rob, please, just promise me that you won't try any other drugs. You know we're gonna have easy access to drugs all the time. If you start doing them, even once, it's enough to make you want to do them again and get addicted."
"I know Mark, don't worry," he gently placed his hand beneath my chin and brought my lips to his, "I'm only addicted to you," he said placing a kiss on my lips.
I laughed, "oh God, are you still high?"
"Yeah, you make me high," he said, smiling, but dead serious. He was looking into me and as corny as it sounded, I knew he totally meant it. His sparkling green eyes burned for me.
I almost wanted to pin him down and make love to him right here on the bedroom floor, but instead, I placed my hand on his shoulder and stood up. I held his face in my hands and leaned forward to give him a kiss
"You know what? You make me high too," I smiled ,"so next time you feel like going off into orbit, you come to me."
"Yeah? Well, I wouldn't mind doing this right now."
"Sure! But let me just take care of something real quick first," I said walking over to the door to lecture Jordan. It occurred to me that if I was gonna act like a serious drug counselor, I might as well do it right and lecture all of them.
Rob stood up and grasped my arm. He spun me around and pulled me to him.
"Come on, forget about it, why don't we just have sex, um?"
"Start without me," I said brushing my lips against his "I'll be right back."
I walked over to the door and opened it. Before stepping into the hallway, I turned my head to see Rob collapse on the bed, frustrated and I laughed to myself.
I made my way to Jordan and Damon's bedroom and banged on the door several times. Jordan swung the door open, wearing only his boxer-briefs and I glared at him.
"Oh oh, should I run for my life?" he joked.
"Doesn't seem like you care that much for your life" I said stepping inside the room. Damon was lying on his bed in his boxer-briefs as well, watching TV and I couldn't help but checking him out. I had seen Jordan naked a hundred times. And I mean like really naked. Jeez, I had even seen him hard.
He was uncut, we all were and I couldn't tell exactly how big he was but I'm sure he hadn't left any of his girlfriends unsatisfied. He always got out of bed or came out of the bathroom butt naked, not really caring about who was around to see him. He was just not ashamed of his body, and to be honest, he had absolutely no reasons to be, but Damon was much more demure and modest.
He had changed a lot in the past few months and his body was much more developed than it used to be. I could see that his chest was more defined and his body looked stronger (even if he couldn't pin Rob down lol).
He had fair skin and brown hair, a bit like mine but mine was maybe a bit lighter. He was what you would call a cutie. Not gorgeous to die for but cute. Man, I gotta say, if the rock band idea hadn't worked out, we could have easily formed a boy band. We really were five hot guys and I was pretty sure our image was helping our album sales tremendously, as far as girls were concerned anyway, even though I'd prefer to think that they bought our album or came to our gigs for the music.
"Have you punished Rob?" Damon asked laughing. I guess my reputation preceded me and they knew I was gonna get mad at them. I ignored Damon's comment and turned to Jordan.
"Look Jordan, what you do with your life is your problem. I'm not gonna lecture you, it probably won't change anything. I just hope you're smart enough to know what you should do or shouldn't do... but if you ever give Rob any drugs again, I swear I'll kick your ass. And that works for you too, Damon."
"Oh jeez, Mark, he's a big boy. I didn't exactly force him. Maybe you should have taken one. That would have loosened you up," he said. I could have disliked his comment but I could see he intended it as a joke. "Jeez, you have no idea man, it's the best feeling ever."
"Oh Jordan, come on, it's all fake. You don't need this. Don't you think you're hyperactive enough in your normal state?"
Damon laughed when he heard me say that. I slowly turned and glared at him.
"You think this is funny?"
"No," he replied quickly, trying not to irritate me more than I already was and continued watching TV.
"Mark, we were just celebrating, you remember what happened last night, don't you?"
"Yeah I know, you were celebrating, and of course you can't be in Holland without doing drugs right? ... That doesn't make it ok. There will always be a good reason to get high."
He sighed and I pretty much told them the same stuff I had told Rob, begging them not to start doing hard drugs and to think about their health, their future and the band and we talked calmly for a few minutes. I was not too worried because none of us were really into drink and drugs. Sure when we went out or had a party, we drank but it was not something we did systematically and we usually stopped before getting really drunk. When we hung out together, there usually was very little alcohol. We weren't that crazy about the Rock n roll lifestyle. Sure, we loved partying and having fun but I think we liked to quietly hang out together even more, playing, working on songs, talking.... And I didn't really want that to change.
I got back to my room to see that Rob had fallen asleep. We wanted to go sightseeing in the afternoon but I guess that was gonna have to wait. I didn't really know what to do and I was still a bit tired so I stripped, slid underneath the covers and pulled them up. I snuggled close to him and for a few minutes, I just looked at him sleeping. He looked so peaceful and at ease with his surrounding. For some reason, I was not. I felt a bit claustrophobic.
I started thinking about the future and suddenly felt a bit apprehensive about everything that was happening and changing in my life. I couldn't help but worry. I was someone who needed to be in control, who needed to know that things where going according to my plan and I was just genuinely scared not to be able to stay in control. Our lives were changing and they were changing fast and I was worried that it might not change in the right direction.
I was scared of being gay in this business, I was scared of becoming a father, I was scared of becoming famous but I was also scared that we might only enjoy brief success. The world was just really scary out there. But lying there next to Rob, I felt safer. His presence was soothing. I tried to calm myself down and I eventually fell asleep too without really realizing it.
I woke up a couple hours later with a raging erection and the feel of another raging erection nestling between my ass cheeks. I could feel Rob's cock pulsing against my bare skin and it was thrilling and extremely erotic.
He was slowly caressing my stomach and sliding his cock against my ass, moving his hips in and out... which was weird because I distinctly remembered that he had his briefs on when I went to sleep. I moaned and turned my head to the side a little, letting him know I was awake.
"Oh baby, I need you," he moaned softly as he kissed my neck.
"Yeah," I groaned. His hand caressed my pec and pinched my nipple, which made me want to explode right then and there. I couldn't clearly remember but I was pretty sure I was having some kind of wet dream when he woke me up and I was horny as hell, or maybe Rob had stimulated me in my sleep, as he rubbed himself against me.
He slid his hand down my chest and squeezed my erection firmly. I was already oozing precum, and he ran his thumb over my cock head and spread it to lubricate my pole. Both our erections were throbbing with need and anticipation.
"Oh God, Rob," I groaned with hunger. He rubbed his dick harder against me and it brushed past my hole but didn't go in. I was still a bit sleepy, having just woken up but I wanted him so bad and I was so sexually excited that when he started sliding his hand up and down my shaft, I turned around urgently and shoved my tongue in his mouth, my hands grasping his face.
He responded immediately by kissing me harder than I was kissing him, and grabbed the back of my head. We kissed hungrily, sucking, licking, tongues wrestling, so overwhelmed with lust and desire that we weren't sure what to do next.
He rolled on top of me and started grinding up against me, still kissing me hard and lustfully. My hands roamed up and down his strong back and I grabbed, squeezed and massaged his ass with both hands. I pulled him hard into me, moving my body up and down underneath him as he humped against me, moaning uncontrollably. We held each other incredibly tight and kissed passionately, gasping for air, panting and whimpering.
Our cocks were sliding all over our stomachs, leaking, wet with precum. I didn't know what to do with myself. I needed to cum so bad that I just didn't know what I wanted anymore. I was completely overwhelmed and too excited to even think or talk. Breaking our tight grip on each other to get the lube or even suck each other off was out of the question. I couldn't let him go and he obviously felt the same way. There was an urgency in our moans that told me we were not gonna last very long. I could feel his cock poke me in the stomach and the friction against my own cock was bringing me close.
He sucked my earlobe, sending chills down my body and I raised my knees to wrap my legs around him. I locked my legs on each side of him and pulled him into me as much as I could.
"Oh Mark, I need you so bad," he moaned urgently in my mouth.
I roughly massaged his head with my hands and our tongues fought hungrily. Strong waves of pleasure kept overtaking me and I felt like my cock was on fire. I was so hard, it literally hurt. I was moaning his name every few seconds, pretty much unable to say anything else when I suddenly felt the need to take control.
I used my legs and arms to roll him over onto his back, and we continued kissing, not really able to stop. I firmly kissed or caressed his hair, his face, his neck and his strong arms. I looked down at his hot torso and felt the urge to worship it. I attacked his tight chest with my mouth for a few seconds, pulling on the little hair with my teeth, making him squeal. As I started licking his nipples, still thrusting my cock against him, he opened his legs and raised his knees. The base of my penis slid over his balls and in between his ass cheeks. I was aching for release. My pole was slick with sweat and precum and it easily slid back and forth between his silky cheeks. It felt amazing. His body trembled and he pulled me closer to him, tightening his legs around me.
"Oh, put it in me baby, I want you. I want you to feel you cum in me," he pleaded.
I started thinking about lubrication but I was too overcome with passion to get the lube and he knew that. He spat in his hand and urgently reached down for my cock, making it even more wet and slippery than it already was. I looked down at his cock. It was engorged and leaking profusely, wetting his stomach. He raised his knees again and guided my cock to his hole with his hand. I pushed it inside him, and he grunted loudly, making me stop to make sure he could take it but finding it hard not to slam into him and pound his ass to finally spill my load inside of him. I was feeling so caught up in the intensity of the moment that I was ready to explode at any moment. The sounds coming out of him were a mixture of pain and pleasure but he seemed to be too turned on and excited to care. He arched his back and pushed back against me, sighing and moaning sensually as my cock slid across his insides. My body shivered as I entered him and my cock was so fucking hard that it was throbbing inside him. His ass was as warm and tight as ever.
"Oh fuck Rob, you feel so fucking good. I don't think I can last." I moaned with a sense of desperation.
"I know, me neither, Oh god, I love having you inside me. Come on, fuck me," he urged, wrapping his legs around me and grabbing my back to pull me hard into him. We crashed our mouths together in another hot kiss as I pulled back and pushed back in. His hands ran down my back and I grabbed his hair. When I broke the kiss, he exhaled loudly and a small smile spread across our faces. His eyes were twinkling as we looked lustfully into each other's eyes. I began to rock my hips, fucking his hole and tapping his prostate, knowing we were about to cum and he moved against me with an urgency of his own.
We totally lost ourselves in the lovemaking and began losing control. He grabbed my back with his fingers, making it almost painful and pulled me hard into him again as I thrust in and out of him. I wanted to explode so hard, it was impossible to hold off. I took a few more strokes in and out and I felt myself start to shoot, my toes curling up. Our bodies shuddered in complete ecstasy as we both reached the point of no return and let our orgasms overtake us.
"ohhh... ohh fuck," he cried, tilting his head back, almost convulsing, as jet after jet started streaming out of him, completely soaking his stomach. As soon as I felt his cum spraying up against me, I quickly wrapped one of my hands around his cock and pulled on it, which made him groan and cum even harder. He continued whimpering and dumping his load between us and his ass grabbed my cock tighter. This only caused me to cum again. I was still pumping my cock in and out of him to hit his prostate, when I felt another orgasm rip through me. I shuddered again and buried my face in the crook of his neck, still squeezing his hard, pulsing member to give him maximum pleasure.
"I, ohh Rob, ahhhh," I grunted, filling up his ass, my cock sliding around in its own cum and we grabbed onto each other, enjoying the feeling. It took a while for our orgasms to subside and when they did, I was almost relieved that the intensity was over.
I started to slow down, trying to catch my breath and Rob's whole body relaxed beneath me. I lay on top of him, feeling too drained to keep moving and wiped my eyes a little. I wasn't crying but my orgasm had been so intense, my eyes were wet.
"oh man," I said, reluctantly raising myself up and pulling out of him, because my cock had become so sensitive, I couldn't stay in him "that was intense"
He pulled me to him again and we both shivered when our sensitive cocks rubbed together. I collapsed on top of him, feeling euphoric and tried not to move anymore.
"Jesus," he said, "that was one hot fuck," he laughed. "You are so amazing."
I told him he was too and nuzzled my face in his neck and gently licked, smelling his scent. We lay there for a few minutes, trying to catch our breaths and slow down our heart beats.
"That's it!" he exclaimed suddenly, "I don't care if your cock gets big headed, you're getting an award. I'll even organize a fucking ceremony if it's necessary."
I giggled at the thought of that and when he said, "Man I really should have thanked you cock last night! Next time I will!" I broke into laughter.
"Yeah, imagine that!" he laughed, "I'd like to thank our guitarist's cock without which none of this would have been possible."
"Please don't!" I pleaded rolling onto my back and lying next to him on the bed, "but hey, we can do that in private, maybe we can do something with that MTV award, or, or you can create a giant cock in papier maché and put plenty of pictures of me all around it" I laughed.
"I don't even know how to do that anymore. I think I'll just buy a dildo," he laughed.
"Oh, if you do, get a vibrating one," I said, sounding totally serious and we laughed.
We were silent for a few minutes, giggling occasionally. He stretched a little and propped himself up on his elbows.
"So! Shall we hit the coffee shops?" he asked.
I looked at him and sighed with irritation.
"What?" he asked acting like there was absolutely nothing wrong with what he had said, "You can only buy soft drugs in those," he laughed, but I shook my head and rolled my eyes.
"You'd better be," I told him, crashing my body on top of him again, feeling his cum on both our chests. "If you tell me that damn drug is better than me, you're gonna be sorry," I laughed.
"Can't compare! ... Okay, I'm gonna say something really corny here, are you ready?"
"Shoot!" I laughed.
"Okay, um ... you know how they say the first time you get high on drugs is this absolute perfect feeling, and then people keep trying the rest of their addictions to repeat it but they never do and they just die trying to reach that high again."
"Well ... I think the first time you made love to me was like that. It was perfect! But we keep reaching it again, all the time, it's unbeatable," he smiled, "Told you it was corny."
"Corny but wonderful!" I said smiling. I didn't really know how to respond to that though, so I looked into his eyes and kissed him tenderly.
"We should write a song about that!" I said.
"Oh yeahhh!" he said, realizing it could be a good topic, "see, that's why I need to thank your cock, it's inspiring" he laughed.
I giggled, and caressed his cheek, "only my cock?"
"Yeah, well no, everything about you is, you're the whole package."
"Right!" I laughed, "here's a question ... if my body was cut in half and you had to choose between my upper body and my lower body, what would you choose?"
"That's not real," he said raising his eyebrows.
"IF," I said, emphasizing the word to make him answer the question.
We laughed and he thought about it for a second, "um, well... I guess I can find a good cock pretty easily so I'll choose your upper body."
"Yeah, but you're not allowed to cheat on me though."
"Oh, so I have to choose between you and sex?" he asked understanding the dilemma I nodded, smiling.
"I'd still choose you cuz I'm in love with you, not with your body and it'd be quickly boring if I could only play with your cock."
Correct answer," I smiled and gave him a kiss.
"But hey, you'd still have two hands and a mouth," he said with a devilish grin.
We cracked up, "that's true," I laughed.
"What about you?" he asked.
"Oh, I'd definitely choose your upper body too. Everything I love about you is right here," I said, pressing a finger on his forehead, "of course, I can't deny that there isn't one single inch of you that doesn't make me hard, but still." I smiled, biting his lower lip.
"I know a few other questions like this," I said, "but it's worse. Saw that in a magazine"
"Yeah? tell me, this is fun."
"All right, ...um, would you rather want me to sleep with someone else, thinking about you...or to sleep with you thinking about someone else?"
He thought about the question "eww, yeah, that's a tricky one" he giggled.
"Well, if you sleep with someone else thinking about me, it means you love me... so yeah, but I don't really want you to sleep with someone else though... without me around anyway... but yeah, the first one I guess."
"Me too, I would definitely not want you to think about someone else when you have sex with me."
"Okay, ask another one," he smiled.
"Are you sure you want to hear another one?" I laughed.
"Yeah, yeah, come on" he insisted.
"Alright..." I giggled, not sure how to put this right, "would you rather want me to be faithful to you knowing I'm not in love with you or to cheat on you, just for sex, no strings attached, knowing I am in love with you."
He let out a laugh, "what kind of magazine was that." I shook my head, I didn't really remember where I had read these questions.
"I... what about you?" he asked to avoid answering the question.
"Well, if you love me, why would you want to cheat on me?"
"Good point," he agreed.
"But if you don't love me, then you shouldn't lead me on, so even if I love you, I think I'd have to let you go, even if it hurts."
"Yeah, sounds a bit like what we do once in a while though!" he said laughing.
"No, no that's different, because we do that together. We don't cheat on each other."
He looked at the ceiling, he seemed to be lost in his thoughts "you know, about that, don't you think we should stop doing that before someone sells a story?"
I laughed, "that would be the smart thing to do."
"Yeah, but we're not smart" He said and I shook my head no.
"Oh god, if we keep playing with fire, we're gonna burn ourselves... anyway, I certainly wouldn't want you to feel the need to sleep with someone else on the side cuz that would mean I don't satisfy you and I don't like that thought" he said.
"I'm 200% satisfied baby," I said kissing him lovingly for a few seconds.
"Anything else?" he asked.
"Umm, let me think.... Oh yeah... if you were on a desert island with a gorgeous girl and an ugly guy, who would you have sex with? And you can't answer that you'll use your hand"
He giggled looking up over his head "oh god. I don't know."
He faced me again and said smiling "I bet you'd sleep with the girl."
"Oh yeah, I'd sleep with her, the guy can watch" I joked.
He laughed "no, no I'm kidding" I said "the guy can do the cooking" I laughed.
"Okay, how ugly are we talking here?"
"Oh butt ugly."
"Well, maybe I just won't have sex at all, can I do that?"
"No way! you wouldn't sleep with the girl?"
"I'd have to be very very horny," he laughed, "I dunno, I supposed I can just close my eyes and think about you."
"You're so gay." I kidded.
"And proud to be!" he exclaimed.
I laughed a little and caressed his lips with my fingers looking into his eyes "I love you"
"Love you too," he said in a cute little way. We smiled at each other and pressed our lips together, kissing gently.
"I think we're gonna be glued to each other soon," I laughed and rolled onto my back next to him. We lay silently for a few minutes, too lazy to get up and do something and I started worrying about the future again.
"Rob," I said, sounding a bit concerned, "with everything that's happened lately, aren't you a bit worried?" I asked him.
He turned his head to look at me, "what do you mean?"
"If things keep going like this, we're gonna have a pretty crazy life. It's a bit scary. We've gotta make sure we won't change."
"I know, it is scary. But I feel more anxious to see what's gonna happen than really scared."
"You know what Bono said, 'don't lose yourselves, don't let the industry eat you alive.'"
"Do you think it's something we should really worry about."
"Oh I don't know, my mind is just racing, but he told us that for a reason."
"Yeah, and as long as we know what's important to us, I'm sure everything will be fine. Bono sure seemed to have faith in us ... I can't imagine doing anything else anyway, so we're gonna have to make this work."
"I hope we won't fuck everything up!"
"I think we're too motivated to let that happen!"
This chapter pretty much wrapped up the first part of the story. I hope you enjoyed it. Please send your thoughts and comments, they are very much appreciated.
Most of what you've read in the conversation the guys had with Bono are things that he actually said at one time or another. And in real life, Hanson won those two awards lol
You can join my Yahoo group to read more, see pictures of the characters and read the band's message board. I wrote a few threads and you can find out what their fans think of UNI.