Date: Sat, 04 Jun 2005 22:22:36 +0200
From: marc p <citizentoo@hotmail.com>
Subject: "on our way to fame" chapter10b (revised)

The following story is entirely a work of fiction.

The story below is a love story and involves sex between adult males. If
that offends you, I wonder how you ended up here! All the usual rules apply,
if it's illegal for you to read this, don't, and if you're under 18, I
suppose it's time for you to leave unfortunately.
Again, my first language is not English, so if you see any mistakes, ignore
them or correct me if you want lol

Thank you for sticking with the story, I hope you all continue to enjoy it.
If you are, please let me know. I want to thank the few readers who have
written so far and I encourage all those of you who haven't to drop me a
line and tell me what you think.
citizentoo@hotmail.com

And now it's time to get on with the show!
------------
Chapter 10 part B


Our stay in Dublin went rather smoothly. I tried to make sure I wouldn't run
into my parents and thankfully I didn't. But the fact that they were leaving
next door to Rob's family was not helping and I did have a little
confrontation with my brother, a big one actually. It earned me a few
bruises but you'll all be very happy to hear that I kicked his ass. Ok, Rob
and Jordan helped me but I could have done it myself.
I was not a kid anymore and I was just as strong as he was. If he thought he
could still hurt me without getting hurt too, he was wrong. We didn't
exactly send him to the emergency room but we did hurt him a little. He
deserved it, you should have heard the stuff he told us, I mean, real
homophobic shit. We were not gonna let him get away with it.

I also got to talk to my sister for a few minutes, and amazingly, she was on
my side. I think the band had a lot to do with that. She was a pretty 16
year old now and much more open-minded than I had given her credit for in
the past. I could see she was proud of me and it felt good to know that they
didn't all hate me. So I told her she could call me if she wanted to and
that despite everything that was happening with our parents, I wasn't
opposed to staying in touch with those in my family who wanted to stay in
touch with me, but I wasn't going to beg for it either. I hoped things would
go
well for her, I knew how hard it was to be 16 in this house. I remembered
how strict my parents were with me, a boy, so I couldn't even imagine how
they were like with her. I bet she could never go out!

Rachel had organized a big surprise party with our friends and families. It
was great to see so many familiar faces. We partied all night long, and of
course they made us play a little. It was a great night.
We all spent a lot of time hanging out with Rachel, apart from Dylan and
Elaine. We hadn't seen much of them since our first night at home. They had
just locked themselves in her bedroom and...well I don't wanna know what
they
did. But I couldn't blame them, they only had 4 days together so they were
allowed to spend as much time together alone as they wanted to. I couldn't
even imagine how desperate I would be if I hadn't been able to see Rob for 5
months and if Dylan was really in love, I wondered how he was doing it.

"ohhh wow" I said as I felt the baby actually kicking my hand.

"awesome isn't it? Rach said smiling "Well it's not -that- awesome when he
decides to have a little party in there at 3am in the morning though" she
laughed

"does it hurt?" Jordan asked touching her belly as well

"naah, it's alright, but it's starting to get a little uncomfortable now. I
feel so big!"

"well, of course, you have a baby growing inside you" Damon laughed

"you're telling me!" she yelled, making us laugh "look guys, I'm just gonna
ask you fair and square and you have to tell me the truth alright ... do I
look fat?"

I had to laugh at that "I told you, you don't...I mean, apart from the big
bump...and ... and I think your cheeks are fatter" I teased, looking closely
at
her face and taking her cheeks between my fingers

"and God, your ass is -huuuge-" Damon laughed.

"You bastard!" she yelled punching him weakly. "So not true!"

"oh careful, you might hurt me" He laughed.

"The only good thing is that my breasts are really big" she giggled

"oh are they? I hadn't noticed that" Damon said looking at Jordan
inquisitively

"no, no, me neither" Jordan answered "really not noticeable. I did notice
the ass though" and Damon nodded in agreement, laughing.

"ok that's it, Mark, would you thump those two for me?" she joked

"oh I would, but I'm kind of with them on this one" I laughed

"I'll do it" Rob said jumping on top of Damon and pinning him down to the
floor. They started wrestling but Damon quickly found himself desperately
trying to wiggle out of Rob's grip to turn the situation to his advantage
but Rob was too strong for him. Despite all his efforts to break free, he
was hopelessly pinned down to the floor and all he could do was beg for Rob
to get off him.

"ok Rach, you ass looks fantastic, you're stunningly beautiful" he yelled

"don't overdo the compliment" she giggled

Rob laughed and started to loosen his grip on him. As soon as Damon felt
that Rob was letting him go, he attacked him again and tried to get his
revenge. Didn't work!
Rob quickly pinned him down again with more force than before and Damon just
couldn't move.

"what were you trying to do here?" Rob laughed

"Ok I give up! I give up! Let me go! please someone help me!" he screamed
like a girl.
Jordan and I laughed but tried to make them stop before someone got hurt.
And by someone I mean Damon! Not that he was skinny, but he was not a really
strong type of guy. Sometimes, I wondered where he found the energy to play
the drums like he did.

"oh Fuck!" he said getting up, catching his breath, "I'm glad I'm not you
Mark"

I broke out laughing "yeah, don't worry, he doesn't treat me like this"

Rob laughed "and even if I did, HE can pin me down" he said teasing Damon

Jordan looked at Rob mischievously and told him
"oh, yeah I bet you love that" he laughed "you like it rough, don't you?"

We were used to Jordan making all sorts of sexual innuendoes and there often
were a lot of things not to take literally in our conversations.

"bend over, I'll show you how I like it" Rob joked crawling over to him and
Jordan started running away. Rob started chasing after him all over the
living room, and they ended up diving over the couch at some point, with
Jordan landing on top of Rob. They got into a wrestling match and Rob had
trouble breaking free.

"ha ha" Jordan laughed "What are you gonna do now? You think you can fuck me
so easily, I'm not Mark!"

"I'm aware of that, you would already be naked and on your knees by now"

"hey" I exclaimed

"oh, who are you kidding!" he joked
"I don't fancy you anyway so would you take your queer hands off me" he
ordered Jordan laughing

"Make me" Jordan said and rocked his hips back and forth firmly to simulate
a fuck "Come on, shut up and take it like a man"

"what? That little non-cock of yours!" Rob laughed "I don't need to be a man
to take that" He joked, pushing Jordan off the couch, making him fall on the
floor

"guys, there's a baby in the room" Rachel laughed "cut it out"

We laughed and continued messing around.
After a few minutes, Rachel looked down and patted her bump
"I just can't wait to see him. I bet he's gonna be the cutest baby"

"well, of course, like father like son" I joked

"oh that's good" Rachel said "I'm glad to see you finally lost your modesty
since you became a rock star"

"are you kidding!" Rob laughed, "he's even worse than he used to be"
I shook my head and looked at him self-consciously, knowing I couldn't
really argue with that. He was right. For some reason, in my head, I was
never good enough. No matter how much people complimented me, I was never
completely satisfied with myself. I always felt this need to surpass myself
in everything that I did. Deep down, I knew why that was, but I really
didn't want to go there. I was saving that for a good therapy!

"I think that's cute" Rachel said teasing me

"me too" Rob said moving his hands to the sides of my head and kissing me
softly

Jordan laughed and took one look at Rachel "Man, I still can't believe Mark
knocked you up"

"yeah ok, Jordan, I think we've established that already" I joked

"it only takes one sperm" she joked, using the slogan from a poster you
could see in every pubs and clubs in Ireland to encourage contraception.
Maybe we should have paid more attention to it.

"yeah, I'll try to remember this when I have sex with you" he said seriously

"oh Jordan, come on" she laughed "would you stop coming on to me already! I
told you, it's not gonna happen!"

"we'll see" he replied confidently. I knew Jordan was constantly flirting
with her but he was also constantly flirting with every pretty girl he laid
his eyes on. He definitely had a high sex drive, I think his libido was
always operating at maximum speed but I was starting to wonder if maybe he
wasn't secretly interested in Rachel because he never missed an opportunity
to flirt with her.

"so first you try to fuck my boyfriend, and now you're hitting on my girl?"
I kidded, pushing him

"your girl? I don't think so buddy! Pick what side of the road you drive
on, you can't have it both ways"

we laughed and Jordan said clapping his hand together
"anyway ... let's get serious, Rach, when are you moving to London with us?"

"oh guys, I don't know" She said a bit apprehensively "I'm not sure it's a
very good idea right now. I don't want to be alone in London with a new born
baby to take care of all by myself"

"you won't be alone, we're gonna start rehearsing for the tour in London in
January" Jordan said

"yeah exactly, you'll be rehearsing, you're never going to be home. And I
want my mum to help me at the beginning. It'd be crazy to move to London
right away"

"But you -will- move to London, right?" I asked

"of course, Mark, I want you to see your kid but I just don't know how we
can really make this work"

"come on tour with us" Jordan suggested

"with a baby?"

"yeah why not" I said " look I told you, we're gonna be touring in England
for months, much more than in Ireland, there won't be that much traveling.
You don't have to follow us around everywhere if you don't want to but with
a little willingness, it shouldn't too hard for us to come to you if you're
in London, or for you to come to us"

"absolutely" Jordan said  "and when we go on tour in Europe, you can either
come with us with the baby or stay in London or go back to Dublin, it's up
to you"

"it could be kinda cool to travel all around Europe. You'll be working and
I'll just go sightseeing" she giggled

"And" I said "if you move to London, you can go to a good art school over
there"
That ought to convince her. She was very artistic and creative. She loved to
paint and draw and she wanted to make a living out of it.

"oh I would love that" she said enthusiastically, gently clapping her hands
together

"plus, you should see the place rach" Damon told her "it's really awesome,
you can move in with us" he said referring to himself, Jordan and Dylan "or
with Rob and Mark if you don't mind hearing some weird stuff at night" he
laughed

"oh come on" I laughed "but we have much more room, and there's one bedroom
which is
really far away from ours, so you won't hear anything" I giggled

"ew, I hope not" she laughed

"I'll try not to make Mark scream too loudly" Rob joked

I laughed and looked at him "you're on fire"

"ohh God, I'm gonna have to buy earplugs" Rachel said putting her hands over
her ears and leaning forward a little

"you'd have to get some anyway if you follow us on tour" Damon said.

------

Before leaving Ireland, we played in a couple of clubs in Dublin and were
completely thrilled by the reception of the audience. Man, they loved us!
There was something special about playing in Ireland. It was our home
country. The Irish public was amazing, the ambiance was awesome.
In Ireland (and in England too), we had fans. Some people had started
following us with the first album. The clubs we played in in Dublin were
filled with people who had paid to see us play, we had already made a name
for ourselves. In the rest of Europe it was different, we were still trying
to attract an audience. People our age knew who we were but we still had to
show what we could do. I couldn't wait to go on tour in Europe.

We left Dublin feeling a bit sad, especially Dylan. Elaine cried her eyes
out
when we left and even Dylan was crying a little in the cab to the airport so
we
all tried to cheer him up a little.
We headed to Spain. It was the end of October and it was starting to be a
bit cold
in Ireland but in Spain it was lovely. We continued the promotion, following
a
pretty tight schedule but we didn't forget to have our little fun in Spain.
Let
me tell you, there are quite a few hot guys over there. But you know what?
To me,
Rob still outshines them, by far!

And on November the 6th, we headed to Rotterdam, in the Netherlands and
entered the very private world of award ceremonies.
You know, here's what I thought, I wanted wide scale recognition on a
musical level, yes! of course! But becoming properly famous? no, I wasn't
sure! because no one teaches you how to handle it. No one gives you the
tools to learn how to cope with fame. There're no evening classes in being
famous, there's no celebrity support group you can go to.
Well you know what? turns out, I was wrong, there are, and they're called
award ceremonies.

We were told a couple of weeks before the ceremony that we were to perform
during the countdown. We were nervous, much more than we usually were. We
were going to perform live on MTV. I mean, it was a big deal.
Surprisingly, Rob seemed to be quite confident before going on stage. He was
not his usual nervous wreck, maybe he was starting to get used to it. Me and
the guys on the contrary were really nervous. The crowd was overly excited.
We could hear them sing and scream and we were extremely eager to go up on
stage and play.
We knew we'd be fine as soon as we'd start playing but the more we had to
wait, the more nervous we grew. The anticipation was killing us and for some
reason, we were really intimidated by the audience. It felt sort of like a
test. We wanted that crowd to go wild for us!
This performance was gonna be watched all over Europe. Man, we wanted to
stand out and make an impression. Sure, a lot of people had heard our music
on the radio, seen our videos, but most of them had never seen us play live
and we were gonna show them what we could do and how good we could be! That
was an important night as far as promotion was concerned.

A few minutes before going up on stage, we did what we had started doing
before every performance.
"ok huddle up guys..." Rob called and we huddled up

"alright, let's make this the best rocknroll show they'll see this evening,
during the countdown anyway" he laughed and said what had become our pre-gig
prayer,

"Lord, grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change.
  The courage to change the things we can.
  And the wisdom to know the difference"

"Thank you very much" we all said and broke the huddle. We were ready!

We had a new single out but we played "misjudged". The crowd was really into
it. It was so great to see them respond so enthusiastically.
Rob was really communicating with them and attracting their attention. They
knew the lyrics and sang along with him the whole time. It was thrilling and
it made me feel confident. We stood a good chance of winning.

After the performance, we all got back to our dressing room, feeling
euphoric after a performance that had been really special and just a few
steps before reaching it, I stopped dead in my track, stopped breathing and
almost died right there on the spot.
Damon bumped into me as I stopped walking and I grabbed his arm, still
looking straight ahead. The guys all looked at me and understood what was
happening to me. Bono and the Edge from U2 were standing right there,
talking. I couldn't believe it. I just -couldn't- believe it. I knew they
were nominated for best live act and they were going to perform during the
ceremony but it still felt like an unrealizable dream to meet them. And even
though we were now working in the same business, following in their
footsteps, they still seemed to be unattainable.
We really hoped we'd be able to maybe meet them but it felt so weird to
actually see them, so close. I had been waiting for that moment my whole
life, or so it seemed.

I didn't tell you this yet but Bono was like my GOD! If I wanted UNI to have
a similar career to any band on this planet, that would be U2, no doubt,
they were IT, they were the best, THE greatest rocknroll band in the world.
We kind of all stood there and watched them. We couldn't go into our
dressing room. I mean U2 was right there, how could we just go into our
dressing room like it was no big deal? We were all huge fans. They were our
inspiration. We admired their career so much.
We were glancing at them, trying to think of a good way to approach them,
when Bono saw us, waved and smiled. How my God! This was not happening! He
then told the person he was talking with that he would be right back, or
that's what it seemed like and he walked up to us. We couldn't believe it. I
know I couldn't. When he was within arm's reach, he extended his arm for a
handshake, saying, like we were old friends,
"Well, hello there, how are you?"

we shook his hand, not really sure what to say. It was so overwhelming. I
was speechless. That's quite something when you meet your idol. If it hadn't
been for fear of making a fool of myself, I might have just passed out!

"I've heard a lot about you kids. You're from Dublin, right? I'd love to
chat with you for a bit, I really liked your album, it's quite something for
kids your age"
We thanked him, trying to act as cool as possible. He told us that he had to
go but that we'd have more time to talk after the ceremony. He wished us
good luck for the nomination and he was gone. I looked at Damon, unable to
speak

"What just happened?" Damon asked in disbelief

"He likes our album!" Rob said excitedly  "did he just say that he likes our
album? I think I could just die happy right now"

"I wanna cry" I said smiling, feeling Jordan rest his chin on my shoulder,
saying "jeez, that was surreal". I wondered if Bono had any idea what he was
doing to us.

The ceremony started. That night, U2, the Spice Girls, Jon Bon Jovi,
Aerosmith, Skunk Anansie and the Backstreet Boys were to perform live.
Ronan Keating, from Boyzone, an Irish boy band was hosting the event and
with U2 performing, I thought to myself that it had to be a good sign. Maybe
it was going to be a night for Irish people to shine!

It was brilliant to be a part of this but deep down, we didn't really feel
like we belonged. We had every right to be nominated, our album was doing
really well in the charts and `misjudged' had reached number one or two in a
few countries including Holland, Ireland, England or Germany. Every day, we
could see how big we were starting to become but it felt weird. All of a
sudden, we were surrendered by famous people and it was intimidating. We
were supposed to act cool and unimpressed but we didn't really know how to
behave, what to say, what to do, how to act! This was all new to us but
something told me it was not gonna take us very long to get used to being
around the rich and the famous, even though some of them seemed to be really
shallow.

Three awards were given out and when the nominees for best song were
presented, a shill ran up my spine as I heard people scream at the sound of
our name. They also screamed at others but it seemed like they had been
louder for us, or maybe I was just imagining it.

"this award is ours Mark" Jordan whispered in my ear "it gotta be. I'd stake
my life on it right now"

"don't say that, you're gonna bring us bad luck" I told him

I hoped we would win this but I didn't have very high expectations. I wasn't
gonna break down crying if we didn't get this award. I didn't want to be too
disappointed if we lost. Being nominated in this category was already
something.
But when I heard UNI being screamed into the microphone and the sound of
`misjudged' invading the whole concert hall, I realized that I did want it.
I wave of happiness swept over me and it was dizzying.

"told you" Jordan smiled and we all got up, feeling uneasy but so proud of
ourselves. We made our way onto the stage, hearing the crowd scream and
cheer. Rob was handed the award and we all walked toward the podium
trying to act like we belonged. We were all in a daze, drunk with joy, and
it sort of made it easier to enjoy the moment.

We had tried to come up with a speech in case we won but it was so
intimidating, we didn't really know what to say. Rob was supposed to speak,
and being his usual confident guy when he was out in public like that, he
made a pretty good job out of it and we didn't really say much, beside thank
you.

We got back to our seats, euphoric, people congratulating us on the way and
before we even had time to digest our victory, the nominees for best
breakthrough were presented. Maybe an hour must have passed but it felt
like it was only 5 minutes. We still hadn't come down from the cloud we were
on
so we were not anticipating it. Actually, I think we didn't really care
anymore, we had won an award, it was enough for us. It meant so much
already!

"And the winner is..."

"U-N-I" and we heard people cheer again

"no way!" Rob exclaimed, looking at me. We all smiled broadly, stood up and
hugged each other. This was an even better feeling than the first time
because we were much more relaxed. It was the icing on the cake. We were so
fucking proud and happy. Again, we thanked everyone who had worked with us
on the album, Tom, our fans, our families, our friends, the whole bit. I
even said a little something for Rachel so she'd have something to make her
friends jealous. That ought to keep her busy for a few days!
Oh God, it was just so thrilling!

When the ceremony ended, it was almost midnight. A few journalists
interviewed us rapidly, asking us how we felt about winning two awards out
of two. We knew that whatever we would say would be in the paper on the next
day, so we tried to give smart answers.
We got back to our dressing room to gather our stuff. We had to leave the
concert hall soon for a VIP party where most artists were going.
We were cheerfully talking about the ceremony, checking out the awards when
Tom came in the room followed by Bono. Now, that was just too much!

"Congratulations" Bono said "you totally deserved that. How does it feel,um
?"

I smiled and we were all silent for a few seconds, trying to get over the
fact that Bono was right there, talking to us and I replied "to be honest,
it feels amazing and surreal"

"totally" Jordan agreed almost fidgeting "jeez, I'm sorry but I can't even
-believe- you are in our dressing room. I mean, we are -huge-huge- fans.
You, you're the best, we love your music, everything you've done, you're
such an inspiration, really. I just can't believe you're here. This, this is
unbelievable" He was so thrilled and excited that Bono laughed

"Well, of course I'm here, us Irish people got to stick together but, hey, I
like your excitement, you should never lose your sense of wonder. So how is
it going? I know it's not easy to be a new band these days, there is a lot
of competition but you seem to be different, I like that. I just hope you
won't let the industry eat you alive" he said as he sat down on the sofa in
the room and Tom gave him a glass of water

"yes, everything that's happened is a bit overwhelming" I said as we all sat
down to chat with him, as unbelievable as it seemed "I wouldn't have said
that a few months ago but now I think promoting the album is the hardest
part"

"ahh, you know, that's how it works. I've been there. You spend all this
time and energy trying to get a record deal, writing songs, then you get to
the end of this whole struggle and find out it's only the beginning. The
real work starts now boys. You have great talent and great potential, don't
waste it. Don't lose yourselves in this industry.
You are so like us, I have this feeling that you can just be the next U2. I
see so many similarities, in your music, in your lyrics, in your attitude.
You are so like how we were when we started. It's just not the same
generation. You are the new generation. Finally. I've been waiting for you"
Oh dear God! It was so wonderful to hear that. Hearing Bono call us the next
U2 is still to this day one of the greatest moments of my life. I tried to
stay cool but inside, I was feeling completely ecstatic.

"You are alone out there. U2 was alone out there too. We don't fit in.
You're not going to be able to take the usual road to success. But I really
think it's important that you get to where you're going, you get a chance to
fulfill your potential. `Cause music can be a celebration of life. It's a
contemporary art form for everybody, working-class, upper-class, never
before has there been an art form so versatile. And it's being abused. It's
being commercialized. And it's being bent. Power corrupts and it bent it out
worse than it was in the first place. U2 are standing against that and I
have a feeling that you are too. It's one more up for the positive side of
this culture, -the pop culture-, as we always call it. It's not a bad thing,
"pop", it's actually the name of our last album.
We're making pop music in a way because it's about what's popular, what the
audience chooses to hear, what people listen to and sing to themselves even
when the band isn't there. But U2 is a Rock band, and you are a Rock band.
But when Rock becomes popular, then it's pop by definition except that Rock
will be there no matter what, it's not like pop. Pop is an insubstantial
thing. When the bubble bursts, it's all gone. U2 is still alive after twenty
years of working together because what we do is Rock music and we are not
motivated by anything else but the music. And let me tell you, if U2 is on
the radio, if you're on the radio, if you get to number one, you're doing
all the people that make that crap factory-produced music out of a job. I
think it's important. You've got big talent, you've got a part to play"

Oh God, I was convinced. He was saying exactly what I was thinking inside.
Bono can be a real preacher, a mesmerizing speaker. He goes straight for the
big issues. He's so deep, maybe too deep for some people. I was drinking in
his every word. I felt like it was God speaking, I didn't want him to stop.
Plus, he was talking to us like our opinions were really important to him.
He was putting us in the middle of the conversation even though he was doing
all the talking. Sort of like our involvement and agreement was vital. And
he was talking with such warmth, humour and humility. I was mesmerized.

"My God, you are really good for your age. It's the first time I look at a
new band and I can just see you will still be around in twenty years. I can
just see it and the audience will see it too. You have that quality. Don't
lose it. Never forget where you're coming from and what you've got to say.
We were about the same age as you are now when we signed for Island records.
I can't believe it's already your second album. Things happen so much faster
for kids nowadays, you seem to be much more mature and ready than we were at
your age. You know, the great thing about having success at an early age is
that you don't do anything you don't want to. Pretty cool, isn't it? I
didn't listen to your first album..."

"don't" I said shaking my head no "it's really not worth listening to" I
chuckled.

"oh, that bad?" He let out a small laugh "I remember being that young, we
formed U2 when we were 15,16. We were full of dreams, waiting to be
discovered. And if we had been, we would have loved to record an album. It
probably wouldn't have been very good but we wouldn't have passed up the
opportunity. Ready or not"

"yeah, well, we didn't pass up the opportunity but maybe we should have" Rob
laughed "it was a great experience though. If people think that the second
album is good, it's only because we were more experienced thanks to the
first one"

"funny thing, I listened carefully to your lyrics and I just heard what was
going on in my head when I was your age"

"well, yeah, sure, you're our inspiration" Damon laughed

"All I can tell you is that you have to give as much as you can to your
public, in your lyrics, on stage.... I heard you were really good on stage"

"that's what they say" Rob joked

"You know, can I offer you a word of advice" he asked Rob seriously

"please do" Rob encouraged

"as a singer, you have to give. You have to look like you belong up there.
Your fans can't all be at the front row. What you give to them can't be
about physical proximity. They can be in some clubs and they can be right up
a yard from you and it seems like you're a million miles away. It's
something to do with generosity that makes for a great live event. It's
nothing to do with scale. A director once said to me the thing that marks
some performers and actors from others is you can sense that they could get
down off that screen and be on your lap, in your face. You've just got to
give"

"it's hard though, to give all the time, cause it's not just on stage that I
have to do it. I feel like I need to be someone else when I'm on stage or in
public so I just sort of create different personalities and just slip into
the most appropriate one. But I'm afraid I might just end up forgetting who
I really am"

Bono laughed "I know what you mean. To tell you the truth, I have no control
over who I wake up as. I wish I did. But they are not enemies, these
different sides to yourself. The thing is that it makes it hard to perform
when you're just not in the mood and not to perform when you are. Sometimes,
I just go back home after a tour and want to climb on the table at 11o'clock
every night and try to perform. And I'm wondering where are the 50,000
people" We all laughed.

"But no matter how you feel, the public always gives something back. Blind
panic always sets in before a gig but then you set foot on stage and get
completely intoxicated by the reception of the audience. It can be a very
trippy experience, like you're on the moon or something. They make you feel
special and if you are trying to fill a hole, music and being a performer is
an obvious route. Ultimately it won't be satisfying, but insecurity is at
the root of most interesting endeavours, I find. If you're totally secure in
yourself and you were told all your life that you were the bee's knees,
well, you're probably gonna wind up with a respectable job in the City or
something!"

"yeah, something tells me it's not gonna happen to me" Rob joked

"you know, people are always gonna think that your life is so much better
than theirs. The media can be so powerful. People believe more what they
read than what they actually see. But at the end of the day, our lives are
not that different. When you spend time in the Third world, the gap between
an ordinary life there and a life in the West is enormous, almost
unimaginable. But the gap between where most people are in developed
countries and where I am is microscopic. It's just degree of luxury. Because
what I own, the money, that's not what's important. It's never been
important. It's the family and the work. The people you love. They remind
you who you are. That's important. It's the same things everyone cares
about"

"yes, I agree with that" Rob said "but I already feel like some people look
at me like I'm better than them. Some of them see me as perfection. I mean I
can see they feel a sense of admiration when they look at me and it's very
disturbing. I don't feel that special"

"yeah, but that's not a bad thing. It means you're already making a
difference. You're lucky enough to have touched a few lives. In all modesty,
I have probably touched millions. I hope I have. I hope you will, all of
you. I can see you all have a tremendous energy inside you. I'm sure you
feel you could go on all night when you're on stage"
We all smiled and nodded. It was so true. "You know, Rocknroll gives you the
power to change the world, use it, mobilize people as much as you can
through your music"

"How do you do it?" Damon asked curiously "I mean, how do you manage to find
time to actually fit in your family and U2 and all the charitable causes?"

"I manage to find time because I am not in any way at peace. I think the
world is a really unfair and often wicked place and beauty is a consolation
prize. And it's not enough for me. It just isn't. There's always been a kind
of rage in me and it does still bubble up. Debt relief is not a charity.
Seven thousand Africans dying every day of a preventable, treatable disease
is not a cause. It's an emergency and if you feel that rage, and if you can
give some of your time to make a change, any change, you've got to do it"

I couldn't help but think that coming out was probably one of the first
steps Rob and I would have to take if we wanted to try and make a change in
society. We would surely do a great service to the gay community if we
decided to be completely open about our true selves. I didn't think I wanted
to become a gay activist though, but if coming out could help some people to
be more open and tolerant, I think I was willing to do it.

"yeah, fame definitely gives you that power, doesn't it ?" Dylan said

"Fame is a weird thing. It can be quite tough. There's some strong stuff out
there, and I'm not talking about drink and drugs. I'm talking about other
ways of seeing the world just through the prism of being a star and being so
privileged you can get bent out of shape. The whole business of people
thinking you're important because you can write a song and sing it rather
than being a nurse or a fireman, how absurd is that? You got to stay humble.
This guy said to me years ago "My son's a doctor, he saves lives; how many
lives have you saved?"

"yeah" I said "but you always hear famous people being described as larger
than life. People look up to them. I look up to you" I admitted and he
smiled "we can't change that"

"No, and I deal with this every day. That's what fame does to you. Everybody
wants a piece of you and it's hard on people around you. My wife Ali, for
instance. She's a beautiful woman and she's used to getting attention in a
way that she almost wouldn't notice it. Before becoming famous, I walked
into a restaurant with Ali, all eyes were on her, but now, if she's with me,
people look right through her. They don't see her at all. They push her out
of their way to get to me. It's as if she's invisible"

I didn't say anything but I was already starting to see that in the way
people behaved toward Rob and the rest of us. Rob had people's attention, we
were number two.
I also started thinking about the fact that Bono was married to his
childhood sweetheart. He had probably never been in a relationship with
another woman. It was pretty amazing and it made me feel confident about the
future. Bono's relationship with his wife shown that it was actually
possible to stay committed for that long despite the pressures and the
temptations of the music business. If he had done it, I was sure Rob and I
could. I truly believed our feelings for each other were strong enough.

We talked some more and all of a sudden, Bono said to us "you know, I like
you boys, we might work together one of these days, what do you think? Let's
give you some time to find yourselves and we'll do something, maybe on your
next album"
I don't know if he could see it on my face, probably, since I couldn't stop
smiling, but inside I was jumping up and down exhilarated and I could tell
by the way we all looked at each other that I was not the only one to feel
this way. Bono was actually offering to work with us. We were good enough to
work with U2. That was insane! Hearing this instantly made my heart beat
faster and my body temperature rise. I felt euphoric and there was more to
come.

"I've talked to Nigel recently and he told me about you" he said looking at
me "he was very impressed with you, now that I've listened to your album, I
understand why. You remind me of Edge when he was younger, you have that
quality as a musician. No one plays like Edge. His riffs can't quite be
replicated by another. Edge's sound is so  -him-. Take him away from U2 and
U2 wouldn't sound like U2 at all and as I listened to your album, that's
what I heard. UNI without you wouldn't sound the same. As an original,
you're right up there! There are very few musicians who can do this, it's an
amazing gift and the fact that you already have that quality at you age is
remarkable. I see so much potential in all of you"
I smiled and thanked him for the compliment, probably blushing a little. Rob
looked at me and smiled broadly. He knew what I was thinking and how it was
making me feel to hear that. I had had people compliment me on my playing
but coming from Bono, it meant the world to me.

"you're really not kidding about wanting to work with us ?" Damon asked
cheerfully "oh that would be the dream. I actually had a dream about that.
You'd make my dream come true if we did work together"

Bono laughed "ah, this is funny. You know that happened to me too, dreaming
about my idols. I was staying in LA, right, and I had a dream one night
about Bob Dylan, and I woke up and just started writing that song. And it's
about a man who people keep turning to as a saviour but whose own life is
getting messed up and he could use a bit of salvation himself. I wrote a
couple of verses and I didn't really know what to do with it, but I thought,
I'm a rockstar, right? and I've actually got Bob Dylan's number...somewhere
!
So why don't I give him a call? So I go over to his house and I told him
I've got this song, it's not finished, and he says,  play it to me , and
he just started making up lyrics on the spot. It was incredible, whole
verses just came pouring out. And so I actually got to finish the song with
the man in my dream! So let me tell you, dreaming about it doesn't mean it
can't come true. Give me a call if you have a great idea for a song and you
need a little push, who knows, I might be able to do what Dylan did.... not
you" he kidded, pointing his finger at Dylan and we laughed. Man, he was so
cool.

We were silent for a few seconds and Rob asked "Can I ask you something?"

"of course"

"About religion ... how do you make U2 and Rocknroll compatible with your
faith" he said inquiringly, apparently expecting a lot from the answer. I
knew sometimes he found it difficult not to do things he knew he probably
shouldn't do but wanted to do and he was a bit confused about how to deal
with all the temptations. We all were.

"ah, yes, this was not easy. I know you boys believe in God, your lyrics
speak for themselves, I admire that coming from young people like you
because I realize it's hard now to find faith in religion when you see all
the temptations and all the damage it's done, especially growing up in a
country like Ireland"

"Yeah, it is unsettling. You just don't really know what to think anymore.
I'd like to believe that we're not in danger anymore but actually I think we
are" Rob said

"Sure. Religion is responsible for a lot of bad things that have happened in
Ireland and in the world, but I have to say, it's probably done a lot of
good things too. It's sort of politically incorrect but if you look around
you, at practical things missionaries have achieved in some of the toughest
areas of the world, hospitals and schools in Nicaragua and Calcutta, well, I
don't want to be the defender of religion but if I had to be, I probably
could, apart from the odd Spanish inquisition. Even though I'm not into
religion.
I am completely anti-religious. Religion is a term for a collection, a
denomination. Religion is almost like when God leaves and then people devise
a set of rules to fill the space. I am interested in the personal experience
of God"

"That's -exactly- what I think" Rob said about that last statement

"Yeah? That doesn't surprise me. You know, when I was 14, I called out and
asked God to show me a direction, and I wondered whether there was any
direction or not, and then I saw it happening. I saw the band taking shape
and being pointed in that direction and it gave me an insight. This is
funny, because I was part of a Christian Movement in school and I found them
very uncool. But I realize now that that is their beauty. Because God's
values are not the values of this world. They're not the values of cool. It
says in the Bible that it's harder for a rich man to get into the kingdom of
Heaven than it is for a camel to get through the eye of a needle, and we are
rich men. We are people who are rich in intellect or personality and we tend
to judge people by our values. God doesn't judge people by our values so
it's usually humble people who find God. But at that stage, I couldn't
handle those people so I left that movement. It's not easy being a
Christian, I don't have all the answers, I haven't got everything sussed.
When you discover Christianity, you discover other things as well. You tend
to experience a darker side of life. You experience great temptation.
Becoming a Christian you go into battle. Because of what U2 stands for,
`cause of where we are in the business, you wouldn't believe the pressures
we're under. I mean spiritually. We get up early in the morning and we work
against it. Every day is a battle, every moment is a struggle, and it's the
same struggle other people have in life if they're looking for an answer.
It's the same struggle you seem to be going through. But we can't force
people to believe. If there is a God and Jesus Christ died on the cross and
if there is any value in what He says, it should be shown in our lives.
We're not puritans. We're not saying this is the right way and others are
wrong. I wouldn't lay my beliefs on anybody but if people come up to me and
say  "I'm asking questions" I'm willing to share my experience, and that's
what I advice you to do too. But look at our bass player, Adam. He is free
as any individual. He honours our commitment. He realizes that it is a very
important source of inspiration. But he rejects it himself. That's the way
the world should be. I'm not going to hit somebody over the head if they
don't believe but I truly believe that U2's commitment to Christianity has
helped us rise to the top of the music business and that can happen for you
too"

"but don't you think it's hard to surrender your own will" Jordan asked
"There's so much in life that I want to experience and I don't want to be
stopped by all that Catholic guilt they tried to foist on me growing up"

"A lot of people think surrendering to God means giving up all the "good
things". I used to believe that, in a way. But when you get involved, you
start to see things very clearly. You start to see what's happening around
you. When a guy goes for you with a bottle, you realize what is happening,
you realize he's being cheated. It's an insight. It's certainly not
puritanical or cowardly. It's not about abdicating responsibility for your
own existence. It's about taking life into your own hands. But sometimes I
think it takes a lot more courage not to believe. I don't know what gets you
through the night. The problem with Godless universe is that you're on your
own. You're responsible for no one but yourself and I suppose it makes it
hard to care about things"

"that's true. I don't want to think that our ultimate fate is simple to
cease to be every time I contemplate the future" Dylan said

"Neither do I. And I am a believer ...but I find it hard to be around
religion. But if I were living close by I'd definitely be in the
congregation at Glide Memorial in San Francisco. Rev CecilWilliams there
looks after the homeless, gays, straights; he marched with Martin Luther
King, he's funny as hell, pardon the pun" he laughed "and you can get an HIV
test during the service. Now that's my kind of Church" Bono smiled

"That's definitely my kind of Church too" Rob said

"I'm sure it is" Bono smiled, winking at Rob, a bit like he knew what he
meant by that. I wondered if maybe he did, if maybe he could see through
him. I almost wanted to come out to him and ask him what was his opinion on
homosexuality and if he had any advice on how to deal with fame, rock,
religion and homosexuality but I guess it was best not to for now.

"Just be careful though. You don't want to be the band that talks about God.
U2 never wanted to be that band. Anything that has to be said on that
personal level is in the music or on stage and you don't want to go through
the media. And it's not easy to join rocknroll and Christianity. U2 had some
tough times. But let me tell you this: The band that prays together, stays
together" oh we would stay together then.

We talked for a few more minutes. We wanted him to tell us absolutely
everything he could tell us. We had so many questions, we had been fans our
whole lives, it felt like we knew him, his life, his work, there were so
many things we wanted to know, so many advices we wanted him to give us. He
had done everything we were preparing ourselves to do. We loved him. We were
so delighted and overjoyed to talk to him.

I asked him a few questions about some of U2's lyrics I found intriguing and
I got my answers. I wished we could have talked all night long.
When he left, he wished us good luck for the future and said something I
will always remember
"Remember this. If you want an easy life, if you're happy with your lot, if
you see success as your goal, it's over. I think there's nothing sadder than
people who think they have arrived. I know you've got a future. I know you
can fill stadiums, never stop working and never stop giving. Keep dreaming
and reinventing yourselves. Don't lose your musical and intellectual
curiosity, there're always things to discover. Wear your heart on your
sleeve and be real. And let your doubts and insecurities fuel your work.
Don't be scared of them. If you want to be the biggest rock band in the
world, you will be, it's as simple as that" He stepped outside our dressing
room saying "God bless, see you soon" and I hoped we would.

----------

It was almost 2am when we took a limo and headed to a VIP club in town.
I couldn't believe we were now part of that world. The place was filled with
celebrities, some of whom we really admired. It was amazing. U2 was there
and Bono quickly introduced me to the Edge. We talked for a few minutes
about music of course, especially the guitar. God, I loved my life!

Rob, Damon and Jordan started really partying. They made their way onto the
dance floor but Dylan and I continued talking with a bunch of people. We
were having a great time. All these people who wanted to talk with us made
us feel really special. People kept coming up to us to congratulate us and
it was just awesome. We were all over the place. We felt like we had really
achieved something.
A journalist from Q started talking to us and I found him extremely
interesting to talk to. He knew so much about music, he had met so many
bands, I was drinking in his every word like I had done for Bono. Before I
knew it, it was over 4 am and we were still talking. The club was still
filled with people because from what I had heard, there was going to be an
after party until at least 8 or 10 am but he told us he had to leave and
gave us his card. My pocket was filled with those.

"this is one of the best nights of my life" I told Dylan happily

"I know. I still can't believe we met Bono tonight. BONO!" he emphasized the
name. I'm not sure we had really realized that. It hadn't quite sinked in
yet.

"not to mention winning two awards" I said

"and performing on MTV"

"God, How did we get here?" I asked in disbelief

"we took a limo" he laughed "this is crazy isn't it?"

"totally. We're so lucky"

"hey, we've worked hard for it, if we're here, it's because we deserve it"

"yeah, but still, we're fucking lucky" I smiled

"Should we try to find the guys? I can't see them anywhere"

I agreed and Dylan told me he was gonna run to the bathroom quickly while I
tried to find them. The club was not that big but it had two floors. I
looked around for a few minutes and found them dancing with plenty of other
people on the upper floor. Apparently they were enjoying themselves. I
walked up to them and soon realized something was weird. As soon as Rob saw
me, he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into him, like ...I don't
know
like what... like he expected us to make out urgently right there on the
dance
floor. I was surprised by his sudden boldness and I immediately resisted and
took a step backwards before he could kiss me. That was so not the place!

"What are you doing?" I asked

"hehe Mark" Jordan laughed coming up behind me and wrapping his arm around
my shoulders "where were you ? you're missing out on all the fun. Here, we
saved you some" He put something into my mouth and I immediately spit it out
and took it between my fingers.

"what the fuck is this?" I exclaimed looking at it and realizing what it was
"Oh my God, is this an E?" I asked softly, trying not to draw attention to
us

"I can't believe you guys, are you fucking stupid?" I said without really
expecting an answer, considering how high they seemed to be.
They didn't give me one, and just continued dancing, not paying attention to
me anymore. I grabbed Rob by his shirt and pulled him towards me to get his
attention,

"what are you thinking, taking this shit ?" I asked with a slightly angry
tone

He smacked his lips against my cheek and then pressed his left cheek against
mine, speaking into my ear "take it"

I felt his crotch rub up against mine and I instantly felt through both of
our jeans that his cock was hard. He started grinding his body against mine,
pulling me even closer to him, like you would do with someone you're
sexually attracted to. He was being so obvious. I couldn't believe him but I
couldn't stop him either. There was an instant and undeniable physical
attraction between us that I just couldn't fight.

"come on baby, just take it" he said looking deep into my eyes. He brought
his hand down to mine and took the E between his fingers. He then pressed it
against my lips and slid it into my mouth, still holding me tight against
him, his lips really close to mine and I stared at him. If he hadn't been
trying to make me swallow that damn drug, I was pretty sure he would have
just roughly shoved his tongue into my mouth. I felt him slid his lips over
mine and I started to worry about what he was going to do next. This was
already compromising enough.

Fuck! There was a huge sexual energy emanating from him like I had never
quite seen in him before. And yet, he was one horny boy and when he wanted
to fuck, he didn't waste any time getting down to business. But this was
different. He wasn't just horny, he was out of control.
But I gotta say, it made him look fucking hot and I couldn't quite take my
eyes off him. I felt extremely attracted to him and it took all of my
self-control not to meet his sexual aggressiveness. My right hand was
pressed against his biceps and he felt hard and strong. Damn, I wanted him.
If I hadn't been so mad at him for taking an E, I would have started
thinking about finding a good place in this club to fuck our brains out.
Actually I did think about it, but I tried to control myself.

The E was now in my mouth, and Rob's boldness was definitely making me hot
as hell and I was getting hard. Had I drunk a little bit more, I might have
swallowed. For a split second, I almost hesitated but I was sober and fully
aware that it was neither the place nor the day to do crazy shit that could
get us in trouble. There were too many journalists and important people
around and I was too concerned about what we might end up doing if we were
both fucked up on drugs. I knew how incredibly hard he was to resist and if
I hadn't been sober, I was pretty sure I would have let him kiss me.
Rob had clearly no idea what he was doing and if I had let him, he would
have probably slid his hands down my pants in front of everybody and God
knows what else. Not that anyone seemed to care. It almost seemed like
everybody around us was on a trip but still, it was a dangerous game to
play.
I spit out the E and put it discretely in my pocket.

"Rob, stop this right now! This is so not the place" At that point, he had
squeezed my ass a few times and slipped his hands under my shirt and they
were sliding all over my back. I didn't want to stop him but as I felt his
lips on my neck, I grasped his arms and pushed him away.  I looked into his
eyes and he met my gaze

"Do you realize where you are and what you're doing?" I asked him almost
laughing. He wrapped his arms around me again, smiling, trying to kiss me,
and again, I pushed him away, coming to my senses.

"stop" I laughed "jeez, you're out of control"

Jordan came up between us and Rob started dancing with him. Great! Was he
gonna go after Jordan now? I was relieved to see that he didn't try to touch
him or kiss him and it gave me an opportunity to walk away. I saw Dylan
walking up to me and when he was close enough, I told him,

"they took an E, they're completely high"

"nooo" he said looking at them

"Yes" ..."what do we do?" I asked him walking away with him

"jeez, I can't believe them"

"I would go and dance with them but Rob keeps trying to molest me on the
dance floor" I laughed

Dylan's eyes widened "Really? Cut it out! He didn't!"

"I'm telling you!"

"oh man, that sucks. I kind of want to go back to the hotel, I'm tired"

"me too" I laughed "looks like we could use a little E"

"yeah, I'll pass. Not my thing"

"me neither. Let me tell you, Rob's gonna hear about this tomorrow"

"jeez, looks like they're gonna keep dancing until the club closes. And
apparently, it's not gonna happen for another 4 hours"

"Great!" I exclaimed

"look, they're together, they'll be fine! Let's just go!"

"are you sure? Do you think it's safe to leave them here?"

"I don't see why we couldn't, they can take care of themselves"

"yeah, I guess. I don't really want to wait until they come down from
wherever they are right now. Hey, are we too serious?" I joked

Dylan laughed "why? because we didn't take an E? I don't think so. Let me
tell you, I don't feel like I haven't celebrated our victory tonight!"

Around 5, we left the club and got back to the hotel.
I woke up really late the next day alone in my room. I was not freaking out
but I was worried. I hoped the guys were ok. I wasn't sure if I was being
too uptight about this but I really didn't like the fact that they had taken
drugs. I mean, I didn't care what people did with their lives. If people
wanted to get fucked up on drugs, it was their problem. I actually found it
pretty funny to see people off their faces.
But I was against hard drugs. I didn't want to do them at all and I
certainly didn't want Rob to do them. Alcohol, pot, even mushrooms was one
thing but I didn't want to try hard drugs. I think I was scared of liking it
too much. I knew how quickly people could get addicted and how hard it was
to come off drugs. I didn't want some addiction to take control of my life!

I called Rob on his cell, but got the machine. I tried to stay calm. I was
sure there was no reason to freak out, he was probably just sleeping
somewhere but I was still worried.
I took a shower, ordered breakfast and called him again and this time, he
picked up

"hello darling"

"hey, where are you? are you alright?" I asked

"sure, I'm fine, I crashed in Jordan and Damon's room. Couldn't find my
keys. What about you?"

"I'm in our room"

"oh ok, cool, I'll be right there"

Minutes later, he knocked on the door and I let him in. He immediately
walked to the bathroom and I followed him, asking him how long they had
stayed at the club after Dylan and I left. He didn't answer, just shrugged
and started running the bath. I was about to say something but as he began
brushing his teeth, there was a knock at the door.
I decided I could still wait a few more minutes to lecture him and I made my
way over to the door. It was my breakfast. I sat down and had breakfast
while I waited for Rob to come out of the bathroom. When he did, he was
naked and still a bit wet, looking fucking gorgeous. He walked over to his
suitcase to get dressed and I couldn't help but stare at his naked body for
a few seconds. Man, I loved how he looked, everything about him was strong,
tight and perfectly proportioned. I continued studying him from head to toe
while he looked for something in his suitcase. There was not one single inch
of is body I didn't go nuts for. He was beautiful but that was not gonna
stop me from lecturing him.

"so, what do you think you were doing last night?" I asked him, making it
clear I was not happy with him. He was holding his boxer-briefs in his
hands, about to put them on. He stopped when he heard my question and
sighed. Good, a few more seconds to stare at his ass.

"I knew I was not gonna get away with this ... look I was just having fun
alright, don't make a big deal out of it. I had, like, a one hour sleep, so
please" he said putting his briefs on. Ok, that was gonna be much easier to
get mad at him now that his cock was not in full view anymore.

"don't make a big deal? so you just get fucked up on drugs, and I'm not
supposed to say anything" I said calmly

"oh come on, it was just an E. Everybody was doing it. We're in Holland,
it's the country of drugs"

"so? I don't give a shit where we are. What kind of dumb excuse is that?" I
said getting mad.

He walked over to the table and sat down on a chair next to me
"well, it was convincing when Jordan used it. Look he's the one who bought
them, be mad at him!" he said, eating what was left of my breakfast

"why am I not surprised?" I exclaimed  "but so what if Jordan bought them?
Don't you have any willpower? you could have said no"

"yeah, I could have, but maybe I didn't want to. My god, mark, you wouldn't
believe how it makes you feel, it's so awesome."

I shook my head in exasperation and looked at him
"well, it sure made you feel horny" I chuckled

"Why, what did I do?" he laughed

"you've practically outed yourself!" I kidded. although it wasn't far from
the truth

"did not"

"hey, I was there! If I hadn't stopped you, I think you could have just
sucked my cock on the dance floor. I'm telling you, anyone watching could
have easily concluded that you're gay"

"really? No, seriously, what did I do?"

"I told you, you tried to kiss me and... oh whatever but you see, that's the
danger of drugs, you're not in control of yourself anymore"

"oh listen to you, `mister I fuck girls when I'm drunk', you can talk!" he
joked

"yeah exactly, I can. And I've learned my lesson. Dammit Rob, I don't want
you to take this so lightly. You know how it works. First it's alcohol, then
it's pot, now it's E and next thing you know you're a fucking heroin addict"

"don't you think you're overreacting a little bit"

"No, I don't think I'm overreacting"
ok maybe I was, but I just didn't want him to do drugs. You let this go the
first time and who knows what can happen. I knew him. He was the kind of guy
who could get addicted to drugs really easily. Sure, he was self-assured
most of the time, but he needed constant reassurance that people liked him
and I knew that when he was out in public, it was taking a lot from him to
act confident and self-assured.
Yes, he was good at it, but that was not his true personality. Drugs could
give that extra confidence, that little thing that makes you feel invincible
and take all of your insecurities away. I just knew that if he started doing
them on a regular basis like you have a drink or something, he would just
get addicted and it would completely fuck him up. I was not gonna let that
happen.

"look, in case you haven't noticed, we're in a business where we are gonna
be confronted with drugs all the time. You think it's just an E today, but
what are you gonna do next time we go out and someone offers to sell you
one? ... well ?"

"I don't know, I won't buy it apparently. Maybe I'll say no to an E and buy
a shot of heroin instead" he said laughing. He was so not taking this
seriously

"Rob, I'm serious" he looked at me, rolling his eyes

"no, listen to me, I'm not kidding. I don't want you to do drugs again. Do
you hear me?"

"fine daddy, I won't"

"stop joking around" I told him exasperated "You might think it's no big
deal right now and I'm sure the stuff is awesome the first time, but you
know just as well as I do that you can get addicted to it very quickly"

"it -is- awesome" he laughed and but I looked at him extremely annoyed

He sighed, "fine, I get your point. If it means that much to you, I won't do
it again but jeez, if you had tried, you wouldn't be saying the same thing"
I glared at him, still not completely letting it go and I think I was also
trying to win the argument just for the sake of winning it.

"Mark, I just wanted to try. I'm not stupid. you can trust me, I know what
I'm doing, I don't want to get addicted to drugs"

I sighed and said, "I hope you know what you're doing. But, Rob, please,
just promise me that you won't try any other drugs. You know we're gonna
have easy access to drugs all the time. If you start doing them, even once,
it's enough to make you want to do them again and get addicted"

"I know Mark, don't worry" he gently placed his hand beneath my chin and
brought my lips to his "I'm only addicted to you". He said placing a kiss on
my lips.

I laughed "oh god, are you still high?"

"yeah, -you- make me high" he said smiling but dead serious. He was looking
into me and as corny as it sounded, I knew he totally meant it. His
sparkling green eyes burned for me.
I almost wanted to pin him down and make love to him right here on the
bedroom floor, but instead I placed my hand on his shoulder and stood up. I
held his face in my hands and leaned forward to give him a kiss

"you know what? You make me high too" I smiled "so next time you feel like
going off into orbit, you come to me"

"yeah? Well I wouldn't mind doing this right now"

"sure! But let me just take care of something real quick first" I said
walking over to the door to lecture Jordan. It occurred to me that if I was
gonna act like a serious drug counselor, I might as well do it right and
lecture all of them.

Rob stood up and grasped my arm. He spun me around and pulled me to him
"come on, forget about it, why don't we just have sex, um?"

"start without me" I said brushing my lips against his  "I'll be right back"

I walked over to the door and opened it. Before stepping into the hallway, I
turned my head to see Rob collapse on the bed, frustrated and I laughed to
myself.

I made my way to Jordan and Damon's bedroom and banged on the door several
times. Jordan swung the door open, wearing only his boxer-briefs and I
glared at him.

"oh oh, should I run for my life?" he joked

"doesn't seem like you care that much for your life" I said stepping inside
the room. Damon was lying on his bed in his boxer-briefs as well, watching
TV and I couldn't help but checking him out. I had seen Jordan naked a
hundred times. And I mean like really naked. Jeez, I had even seen him hard.
He was uncut, we all were and I couldn't tell exactly how big he was but I'm
sure he hadn't left any of his girlfriends unsatisfied. He always got out of
bed or came out of the bathroom butt naked, not really caring about who was
around to see him. He was just not ashamed of his body, and to be honest, he
had absolutely no reasons to be but Damon was much more demure and modest.
He had changed a lot in the past few months and his body was much more
developed than it used to be. I could see that his chest was more defined
and his body looked stronger (even if he couldn't pin Rob down lol).
He had fair skin and fair brown hair, a bit like mine but mine were darker.
He was what you would call a cutie. Not gorgeous to die for but cute. Man, I
gotta say, if the rock band idea hadn't worked out, we could have easily
formed a boy band. We really were five hot guys and I was pretty sure our
image was helping our album sales tremendously, as far as girls were
concerned anyway, even though I'd prefer to think that they bought our album
or came to our gigs for the music.

"Have you punished Rob?" Damon asked laughing. I guess my reputation
preceded me and they knew I was gonna get mad at them. I ignored Damon's
comment and turned to Jordan

"look Jordan, what you do with your life is your problem, I'm not gonna
lecture you, it probably won't change anything. I just hope you're smart
enough to know what you should do or shouldn't do but if you ever give Rob
any drugs again, I swear I'll kick your ass and that works for you too
Damon"

"oh jeez Mark, he's a big boy, I didn't exactly force him. Maybe you should
have taken one. That would have loosened you up" he said. I could have
disliked his comment but I could see he intended it as a joke "Jeez, you
have no idea man, it's the best feeling ever"

"oh Jord, come on, it's all fake. You don't need this. Don't you think
you're hyperactive enough in your normal state?"

Damon laughed when he heard me say that. I slowly turned and glared at him.
"you think this is funny?"

"no" he replied quickly, trying not to irritate me more than I already was
and continued watching TV

"Mark, we were just celebrating, you remember what happened last night,
don't you?"

"yeah I know, you were celebrating, and of course you can't be in Holland
without doing drugs right? ... That doesn't make it ok. There will always be
a
good excuse to get high"

He sighed and I pretty much told them the same stuff I had told Rob, begging
them not to start doing hard drugs and to think about their health, their
future and the band and we talked calmly for a few minutes. I was not too
worried because none of us were really into drink and drugs. Sure when we
went out or had a party, we drank but it was not something we did
systematically and we usually stopped before getting really drunk. When we
hung out together, there usually was very little alcohol. We weren't that
crazy about the rocknroll lifestyle. Sure, we loved partying and having fun
but I think we liked to quietly hang out together even more, playing,
working on songs, talking.... And I didn't really want that to change.

I got back to my room to see that Rob had fallen asleep. We wanted to go
sightseeing in the afternoon but I guess that was gonna have to wait. I
didn't really know what to do and I was still a bit tired so I stripped,
slid underneath the covers and pulled them up. I snuggled close to him and
for a few minutes, I just looked at him sleeping. He looked so peaceful and
at ease with his surrounding. For some reason, I was not. I felt a bit
claustrophobic.
I started thinking about the future and suddenly felt a bit apprehensive
about everything that was happening and changing in my life. I couldn't help
but worry. I was someone who needed to be in control, who needed to know
that things where going according to my plan and I was just genuinely scared
not to be able to stay in control. Our lives were changing and they were
changing fast and I was worried that it might not change in the right
direction.
I was scared of being gay in this business, I was scared of becoming a
father, I was scared of becoming famous but I was also scared that we might
only enjoy brief success. The world was just really scary out there. But
lying there next to Rob, I felt safer. His presence was soothing. I tried to
calm myself down and I eventually fell asleep too without really realizing
it.

I woke up a couple hours later with a raging erection and the feel of
another raging erection nestling between my ass cheeks. I could feel Rob's
cock pulsing against my bare skin and it was thrilling and extremely erotic.
He was slowly caressing my stomach and sliding his cock against my ass,
moving his hips in and out... which was weird because I distinctly
remembered
that he had his briefs on when I went to sleep.
I moaned and turned my head to the side a little, letting him know I was
awake.

"oh baby, I need you" he moaned softly as he kissed my neck.
"yeah" I groaned. His hand caressed my pec and pinched my nipple, which made
me want to explode right then and there. I couldn't clearly remember but I
was pretty sure I was having some kind of wet dream when he woke me up and I
was horny as hell, or maybe Rob had stimulated me in my sleep, as he rubbed
himself against me.
He slid his hand down my chest and squeezed my erection firmly. I was
already oozing precum and he ran his thumb over my cockhead and spread it to
lubricate my pole. Both our cocks were throbbing with need and anticipation.

"oh god, rob" I groaned with hunger. He rubbed his cock harder against me
and it brushed past my hole but didn't go in. I was still a bit sleepy,
having just woken up but I wanted him so bad and I was so sexually excited
that when he started sliding his hand up and down my shaft, I turned around
urgently and shoved my tongue in his mouth, my hands grasping his face. He
responded immediately by kissing me harder than I was kissing him, and
grabbed the back of my head. We kissed hungrily, sucking, licking, tongues
wrestling, so overwhelmed with lust and desire that we weren't sure what to
do next.

He rolled on top of me and started grinding up against me, still kissing me
hard and lustfully. My hands roamed up and down his strong back and I
grabbed, squeezed and massaged his ass with both hands. I pulled him hard
into me, moving my body up and down underneath him as he humped against me,
moaning uncontrollably. We held each other incredibly tight and kissed
passionately, gasping for air, panting and whimpering.

Our cocks were sliding all over our stomachs, leaking, wet with precum. I
didn't know what to do with myself. I needed to cum so bad that I just
didn't know what I wanted anymore. I was completely overwhelmed and too
excited to even think or talk. Breaking our tight grip on each other to get
the lube or even suck each other off was out of the question. I couldn't let
him go and he obviously felt the same way. There was an urgency in our moans
that told me we were not gonna last very long. I could feel his cock poke me
in the stomach and the friction against my own cock was bringing me close.
He sucked my earlobe, sending chills down my body and I raised my knees to
wrap my legs around him. I locked my legs on each side of him and pulled him
into me as much as I could.

"oh Mark I need you so bad" he moaned urgently in my mouth. I roughly
massaged his head with my hands and our tongues fought hungrily. Strong
waves of pleasure kept overtaking me and I felt like my cock was on fire. I
was so hard, it literally hurt. I was moaning his name every few seconds,
pretty much unable to say anything else when I suddenly felt the need to
take control.
I used my legs and arms to roll him over onto his back and we continued
kissing, not really able to stop. I firmly kissed or caressed his hair, his
face, his neck and his strong arms. I looked down at his hot torso and felt
the urge to worship it. I attacked his tight chest with my mouth for a few
seconds, pulling on the little hair with my teeth, making him squeal. As I
started licking his nipples, still thrusting my cock against him, he opened
his legs and raised his knees. The base of my cock slid over his balls and
in between his ass cheeks. I was aching for release. My cock was slick with
sweat and precum and it easily slid back and forth between his silky cheeks.
It felt amazing. His body trembled and he pulled me closer to him,
tightening his legs around me.

"ohhh put it in me baby, I want you. I want you to cum in me, fuck me" he
pleaded

I started thinking about lubrication but I was too overcome with passion to
get the lube and he knew that.
He spat in his hand and urgently reached down for my cock, making it even
more wet and slippery than it already was. I looked down at his cock. It was
engorged and leaking profusely, wetting his stomach. He raised his knees
again and guided my cock to his hole with his hand. I pushed it inside him,
and he grunted loudly, making me stop to make sure he could take it but
finding it hard not to slam into him and pound his ass to finally spill my
load inside of him. I was feeling so caught up in the intensity of the
moment that I was ready to explode at any moment. The sounds coming out of
him were a mixture of pain and pleasure but he seemed to be too turned on
and excited to care. He arched his back and pushed back against me, sighing
and moaning sensually as my cock slid across his insides. My body shivered
as I entered him and my cock was so fucking hard that it was throbbing
inside him. His ass was as warm and tight as ever.

"oh fuck Rob, you feel so fucking good. I don't think I can last" I moaned
with a sense of desperation

"I know, me neither, Oh god, I love having you inside me. Come on, cum in
me" he urged, wrapping his legs around me and grabbing my back to pull me
hard into him. We crashed our mouths together in another hot kiss as I
pulled back and pushed back in. His hands ran down my back and I grabbed his
hair. When I broke the kiss, he exhaled loudly and a small smile spread
across our faces. His eyes were twinkling as we looked lustfully into each
other's eyes.
I began to rock my hips, fucking his hole and tapping his prostate, knowing
we were about to cum and he moved against me with an urgency of his own. We
totally lost ourselves in the lovemaking and began losing control. He
grabbed my back with his fingers, making it almost painful and pulled me
hard into him again as I thrusted in and out of him.
I wanted to explode so hard, it was impossible to hold off. I took a few
more strokes in and out and I felt myself start to shoot, my toes curling
up. Our bodies shuddered in complete ecstasy as we both reached the point of
no return and let our orgasms overtake us.

"ohhh... ohh fuck mark" he cried, tilting his head back, almost convulsing,
as jet after jet started streaming out of him, completely soaking his
stomach. As soon as I felt his cum spraying up against me, I quickly wrapped
one of my hands around his cock and pulled on it, which made him groan and
cum even harder. He continued whimpering and dumping his load between us and
his ass grabbed my cock tighter. This only caused me to cum again. I was
still pumping my cock in and out of him to hit his prostate, when I felt
another orgasm rip through me. I shuddered again and buried my face in the
crook of his neck, still squeezing his cock to give him maximum pleasure.
"I, ohh Rob, ahhhh" I grunted, filling up his ass, my cock sliding around in
its own cum and we grabbed onto each other, enjoying the feeling. It took a
while for our orgasms to subside and when they did, I was almost relieved
that the intensity was over.

I started to slow down, trying to catch my breath and Rob's whole body
relaxed beneath me. I lay on top of him, feeling too drained to keep moving
and wiped my eyes a little. I wasn't crying but my orgasm had been so
intense, my eyes were wet.

"oh man" I said, reluctantly raising myself up and pulling out of him,
because my cock had become so sensitive, I couldn't stay in him "that was
intense"
He pulled me to him again and we both shivered when our sensitive cocks
rubbed together. I collapsed on top of him, feeling euphoric and tried not
to move anymore.

"Jesus" he said "that was one hot fuck" he laughed "you are so amazing"
I told him he was too and nuzzled my face in his neck and gently licked,
smelling his scent. We lay there for a few minutes, trying to catch our
breaths and slow down our heart beats.

"that's it!" he exclaimed suddenly "I don't care if your cock gets
bigheaded, you're getting an award. I'll even organize a fucking ceremony if
it's necessary"
I giggled at the thought of that and when he said, "Man I really should have
thanked you cock last night! Next time I will!" I broke into laughter.

"yeah, imagine that!" he laughed  "I'd like to thank our guitarist's cock
without which none of this would have been possible"

"please don't!" I pleaded rolling onto my back and lying next to him on the
bed "but hey, we can do that in private, maybe we can do something with that
MTV award, or, or you can create a giant cock in papier maché and put plenty
of pictures of me all around it" I laughed

"I don't even know how to do that anymore. Looks like you're gonna be making
your own award. I think I'll just buy a dildo" he laughed

"oh, if you do, get a vibrating one" I said, sounding totally serious and we
laughed

We were silent for a few minutes, giggling occasionally. He stretched a
little and propped himself up on his elbows
"so! Shall we hit the coffee shops?" he asked

I looked at him, sighing and irritated.
"what?" he asked acting like there was absolutely nothing wrong with what he
had said "You can only buy soft drugs in those" he laughed but I shook my
head and rolled my eyes.
"I'm kidding"

"you'd better be" I told him, crashing my body on top of him again, feeling
his cum on both our chests "if you tell me that damn drug is better than me,
you're gonna be sorry" I laughed

"can't compare! ... Ok, I'm gonna say something really corny here, are you
ready?"

"shoot!" I laughed

"ok, um ... you know how they say the first time you get high on drugs is
this
absolute perfect feeling, and then people keep trying the rest of their
addictions to repeat it but they never do and they just die trying to reach
that high again"

"um um"

"Well ... I think the first time you made love to me was like that. It was
perfect! But we keep reaching it again, all the time, it's unbeatable" he
smiled "Told you it was corny"

"Corny but wonderful!" I said smiling. I didn't really know how to respond
to that though, so I looked into his eyes and kissed him tenderly.

"we should write a song about that!" I said

"oh yeahhh!" he said, realizing it could be a good topic "see, that's why I
need to thank your cock, it's inspiring" he laughed

I giggled and caressed his cheek "only my cock?"

"yeah, well no, everything about you is, you're the whole package"

"Right!" I laughed "here's a question ... if my body was cut in half and you
had to choose between my upper body and my lower body, what would you
choose?"

"that's not real" he said raising his eyebrows

"IF" I said emphasizing the word to make him answer the question

we laughed and he thought about it for a second "um, well... I guess I can
find a good cock pretty easily so I'll choose your upper body"

"yeah, but you're not allowed to cheat on me though"

"oh, so I have to choose between you and sex?" he asked understanding the
dilemma
I nodded, smiling.

"I'd still choose you cuz I'm in love with you, not with your body and it'd
be quickly boring if I could only play with your cock"

"good answer" I said giving him a kiss

"but hey, you'd still have two hands and a mouth" he said with a devilish
grin

We cracked up "that's true" I laughed

"what about you?" he asked

"oh, I'd definitely choose your upper body too, everything I love about you
is right here" I said pressing a finger on his forehead "of course I can't
deny that there isn't one single inch of you that doesn't make me hard but
still" I smiled, biting his lower lip.

"I know a few other questions like this" I said "but it's worse. Saw that in
a magazine"

"yeah? tell me, this is fun"

"ok, ...um, would you rather want me to sleep with someone else, thinking
about you...or to sleep with you thinking about someone else?"

He thought about the question "eww, yeah, that's a tricky one" he giggled
"Well, if you sleep with someone else thinking about me, it means you love
me... so yeah, but I don't really want you to sleep with someone else
though...without me around anyway, yeah so the first one I guess"

"me too, I would definitely not want you to think about someone else when
you have sex with me"

"ok ask another one" he smiled

"are you sure you want to hear another one?" I laughed

"yeah yeah come on" he insisted

"alright..." I giggled not sure how to put this right "would you rather want
me to be faithful to you knowing I'm not in love with you or to cheat on
you, just for sex, no strings attached, knowing I am in love with you"

he let out a laugh "what kind of magazine was that" I shook my head, I
didn't really remember where I had read these questions

"I...what about you?" he asked to avoid answering the question

"well, if you love me, why would you want to cheat on me?"

"good point" he agreed

"but if you don't love me, then you shouldn't lead me on, so even if I love
you, I think I'd have to let you go, even if it hurts"

"yeah, sounds a bit like what we do once in a while though!" he said
laughing

"no, no that's different, because we do that together. We don't cheat on
each other"

he looked at the ceiling, he seemed to be lost in his thoughts "you know,
about that, don't you think we should stop doing that before someone sells a
story?"

I laughed, "that would be the smart thing to do"

"yeah, but we're not smart" He said and I shook my head no

"oh god, if we keep playing with fire, we're gonna burn ourselves... anyway,
I
certainly wouldn't want you to feel the need to sleep with someone else on
the side cuz that would mean I don't satisfy you and I don't like that
thought" he said

"I'm 200% satisfied baby" I said kissing him lovingly for a few seconds

"anything else?" he asked

"umm, let me think.... Oh yeah... if you were on a desert island with a
gorgeous
girl and an ugly guy, who would you have sex with? And you can't answer that
you'll use your hand"

He giggled looking up over his head "oh god. I don't know"
he faced me again and said smiling "I bet you'd sleep with the girl"

"oh yeah, I'd sleep with her, the guy can watch" I joked

He laughed "no, no I'm kidding" I said "the guy can do the cooking" I
laughed

"ok, how ugly are we talking here?"

"oh butt ugly"

"well, maybe I just won't have sex at all, can I do that?"

"no way! you wouldn't sleep with the girl?"

"I'd have to be very very horny" he laughed  "I dunno, I supposed I can just
close my eyes and think about you"

"you're so gay" I kidded

"and proud to be!" he exclaimed

I laughed a little and caressed his lips with my fingers looking into his
eyes "I love you"

"love you too" he said in a cute little way. We smiled at each other and
pressed our lips together, kissing gently

"I think we're gonna be glued to each other soon" I laughed and rolled onto
my back next to him. We lay silently for a few minutes, too lazy to get up
and do something and I started worrying about the future again

"Rob" I said sounding a bit concerned "with everything that's happened
lately, aren't you a bit worried?" I asked him

he turned his head to look at me "what do you mean?"

"if things keep going like this, we're gonna have a pretty crazy life. It's
a bit scary. We've gotta make sure we won't change"

"I know, it is scary. But I feel more anxious to see what's gonna happen
than really scared"

"you know what Bono said `don't lose yourselves, don't let the industry eat
you alive'"

"do you think it's something we should really worry about"

"oh I don't know, my mind is just racing, but he told us that for a reason"

"yeah, and as long as we know what's important to us, I'm sure everything
will be fine. Bono sure seemed to have faith in us ... I can't imagine doing
anything else anyway, so we're gonna have to make this work"

"I hope we won't fuck everything up!"

"I think we're too motivated to let that happen!"

-----

This chapter pretty much wrapped up the first part of the story. I hope
you've enjoyed it. Please, send your comments at: citizentoo@hotmail.com
I'd love to hear from you.

Also, I wouldn't want to put words in Bono's mouth even if I did a little
bit, so most of the things you read in the conversation the guys had with
him are things that he actually said at one time or another. I suppose you
could see the difference. So thank you Bono for you words of wisdom! lol,
like he's gonna read that!