Date: Thu, 7 Sep 2000 06:05:51 EDT
From: BaronAVR@aol.com
Subject: Our First Time Together, Part Ten.

            Welcome and Hello once again!  All legal disclaimers are in
effect.  If laws where you live prohibit reading material of an 'adult'
nature or if you are under the minimum legal age required to do so, you
should leave this site at once.  Please do not read this if homosexual
relationships disturb you.
    All rights are reserved by the author.  This is a true story.
     This series, 'Our First Time Together' consists of excerpts from my
autobiography, 'The Prince Of Main Street.'  I have yet to find a publisher
for it, so my boyfriend Terry has encouraged me to post these here.  It is in
a way a 'prequel' to his story, "Anything to Turn You On....."  You get to
see how and why some of the people in that story came into my life, including
TJ himself (Coming up soon).  LET ME KNOW IF YOU LIKE IT AND WANT MORE!!!
E-mail me at : BaronAVR@aol.com.  This book deals with my four years of high
school and my first boyfriend, Jesse Dahlinger.  'The Prince of Main Street'
is dedicated to him and his memory.
        Thank you for reading and E-MAIL ME if you want more! - Andy van Ryan
    ========================================
        This section of my life's story was particularly difficult for me to
write, as doing so I was forced to re-live the experience.  I shed many tears
in writing about it.  I hope you understand that it was important to tell,
because of how it shaped my future. Therefore, I warn you this is an unhappy
and disturbing part of my life that I am about to share with you.  - Andrew
van Ryan


		Our First Time Together
			 by Andrew Simon van Ryan
		  From the book "The Prince of Main Street"
			     Copyright 2000. All Rights Reserved
				    Part Ten

	(Authors Note: This was very hard for me to write down and it is
hard for me to tell. It is very much a part of the how and why of who I am
today. I hope you understand why it must be included. It hurts me to tell
it to you.)

	The drive to Skyforest took about an hour and a half. It was
Monday, the First of July. Jesse's Dad and Sister would be arriving after
5:30 PM in Los Angeles. After delivering me to the mountain home, Jesse and
Mary said good bye and they were off. My Mother was happy to see me, even
though she had been enjoying herself without any of us there. I believe it
was the first time since my sister was born that she and my Dad had been
alone! Les was still in Mexico with Eric, although they were to be at
Skyforest for the 4th of July. I wasn't looking forward to seeing them,
especially Eric. I still hadn't seen him since kneeing his nuts into his
throat. However, with my Mother and Father around I felt safe. Father was
working at the Scout Camp during the days. He got home around 7:00pm each
evening and was gone by 6:00am in the morning. I would only get to see him
for about half an hour in the evening before he would trundle off to bed. I
never got up before 9:00am, so he was long gone by then. This left my
Mother and I to spend the days however we wanted. Usually, we wanted to
read and take walks in the late afternoon.
	The second day there we took one of these walks and I recall
thinking about how well Mom and I got along when It was just the two of
us. I thought of confessing my love for Jesse to her that day, but I just
didn't have the nerve. I really believe if I had told her then, she would
have accepted it. We just felt that close.
	The first two nights I slept in the downstairs bedroom alone. I
told my Mom what had happened with Eric, so It was agreed that when he and
Les spent the night I would sleep on the sofa upstairs. The night of July
third I bedded down upstairs and eventually drifted off to sleep.
	I was awakened at 4:45AM by the sounds of a car in the driveway.
Les and Eric entered the downstairs bedroom from the side door and didn't
come up the kitchen stair well to check in. It sounded quiet downstairs so
I went back to sleep.
	In the morning I woke to voices talking downstairs. It was Mom and
Les, mostly.
	I heard footsteps coming up the stairs to the kitchen. Les was
saying "I'll drive you over to the Bank. After I drop you back here, Eric
and I are going to the other side of the Lake. We have to be back on the
road by 8:00pm tonight, so we'll only be able to have breakfast with
you. Don't worry, Mom. I'll come see you when I get back from Mexico next
month" Les finished as they entered the room.
	He looked over at me. I was now sitting up on the sofa, rubbing my
eyes.
	"Hummpff" he huffed in my direction. I couldn't tell if this was
supposed to mean 'Hello' or if he was expressing his disapproval of me. Mom
gave Les one her looks.
	Mom said "Andy, Les is driving me over to the Bank. Get up and take
a shower. When I get back, we'll walk over to the Skyhouse again. It's
already 10 o'clock!".
	"OK, I'm awake" I said "Just give me a second."
	"We're going now. Get ready, OK?" she announced. "OK, I'll be
ready." I said and started for the kitchen stairs. I held the rail as I
negotiated the steep narrow staircase. At the bottom was the garage, which
we used as a utility room. The Ping-Pong table took up most of it. To the
right I turned into the bedroom. I crossed the room to the bath and closed
the door. I turned on the shower and dropped my sweat pants. I thought
about the fact that I never wore anything to bed anymore, except when
around my parents.
	Once the water was warm enough I stepped in and shut the shower
door. Outside, Les was telling Mom "Eric's going to get ready while I drive
you to the Bank. That way we can just go when I drop you off, right Eric?"
	"Yep, I'll meet you in the driveway when you get back. See ya!"
Eric turned and ran to the house before Mom could say anything. She felt a
bit uncomfortable about it, but didn't speak up. Les backed out of the
driveway and they sped off. Eric quietly opened the downstairs side door
and entered.  I was standing in the shower letting the warm water flow over
my head. I felt a bit sore in the legs from all walking. It felt great just
letting the warmth of the water draw the aches out of them when I heard the
bathroom door open. Before I could turn to see who it was, the shower door
flung open. Eric grabbed me by my long hair and pulled me backward out of
the shower and through the bathroom door.
	I struggled to get away as he pulled me into the bedroom. Twisting
to the side, I glimpsed Eric and he was stark naked! "What the fuck are you
doing?!" I shouted.
	"Shut up, Faggot!" he yelled and twisted my arm behind me. He swung
me around and I tripped, falling face first on the painted cement floor.
	My left cheek hit the floor with such impact that I saw stars. I
felt the room start spinning as Eric snarled "I'm gonna' fuck you, Faggot!"
	He then fell on me with his entire weight. I tried to fight him off
so he slammed my face to the floor, smacking my cheek a second time. I
could hear him shouting something as I blacked out. I couldn't understand
the words. The only clear sensation was pain.
	I heard him moving around in the room as I came to. The darkening
blood almost matched the color the floor had been painted. I moved a little
and groaned a whisper. Eric jumped at me and landed on my back, pinning me
to the floor. I opened my eyes and Eric's hand flashed in front of them. He
had the largest kitchen knife in his hand and hissed "Don't MOVE! When the
car pulls up stay on the floor until I'm gone. If you yell I'll kill you
and then I'll kill your Mother. Understand? If you tell, I'll come back and
kill your Mom, Jesse and YOU!! Understand?!!" I groaned and nodded my head.
"Good, you fuckin' little faggot" he said and got up. Then he kicked me in
the side as hard as he could. I curled up with pain and tried to
scream. The room went black again as he continued to kick me.
	As I awakened a second time, I could hear a car idling in the
driveway. I looked up. No Eric. Then the car backed out of the driveway and
left. I heard my Mothers footsteps on the outside stairs.
	The front door opened and she called out "Andy! I'm home".
 I didn't answer. I couldn't. I pulled myself up on one arm. The other held
my bruised side. I saw the blood on the floor and I could feel the pain of
my injured face. I could also feel the pain from where Eric had raped me.
My head was pounding with terrible pain. I kneeled for a second, then
crawled to the bed. I pulled myself up and sat. Panic started to set in, so
I grabbed my sweat pants from the floor and pulled them on with one hand,
the other still clutching my side. I opened the closet and put on a
sweatshirt as well. Opening the bedroom door I started up the kitchen
stairs.  I looked over my shoulder, half expecting to see Eric with the
knife. Puffing with panic as I rounded the top of the stair, I started into
the living room. I hadn't noticing my Mother at the far end of the kitchen.
	The blood from my cheek was all over my face and my horrified
expression took her breath away. I stumbled into the living room and was
halfway across it when she called out "Andrew! My God, What Happened?!"
	I stopped in my tracks and replied weakly "I fell down the stairs".
f Still facing away from my Mom, I heard her cry "No you didn't! What
Happened?".
	The fear, the pain and the hurt all hit me at once. I cried out "He
RAPED ME! That Mother fuckin' piece of SHIT RAPED ME!" I turned to see my
Mothers face as the shock and horror grabbed her.
	As tears welled in my eyes, I dropped to my knees. I placed my
hands over my eyes and repeated softly "He raped me". The tears became a
torrent as I crumpled onto the floor.
	Mother ran to me and bent down, putting her arms around me she
screamed "Oh, my God, Andy! Oh my God!"
	I cried for what seemed hours. In between sobs I whimpered "Where's
Jesse?" and "Find Jesse". Mom finally got me off the floor and into her
room. She helped me into her bed and stroked my head. I don't recall when I
drifted off to unconsciousness.
	"Andy? Andy? Can you hear me?" the voice was saying. I thought I
must be dreaming, 'cause It sounded like Jesse. "Andy, can you hear me?"
the voice continued.
	I realized I was awake and the voice was in the room with me. I
opened my eyes to find two green eyes staring intently. "Jes....." I
whispered. "Shhh." he said "It's all right, Andy. I'm here now". He reached
over and took hold of my hand. I closed my eyes and drifted away again.
	About an hour later I regained consciousness. I heard voices in the
living room. As I began to stir, Jesse jumped up from the chair next to my
bed.
	"Andy?" he asked "Are you awake?". I groaned "yes...." He called to
the other room "He's awake!" The room became a flurry of activity. Mother,
Mary and Jesse all rushed to my bedside. Mom pleaded "Are you OK?" Mary
followed, asking "Was it Eric?" Then Jesse begged "Don't die, Andy!". I
responded to him first.
	"Die? Am I going to die?" I whispered. Mom and Mary responded "No!
Of course not!"
	"Andy, please. Tell us what happened, Hon" Mary asked. "I
don't...... Oh, I........ It was Eric" I whispered, recalling what had
happened. "He pulled me out of the shower and smashed my face onto the
floor" I stopped with my mouth open.
	"Yes, go on Andy. We need to know exactly what happened" Mary
continued.
	"He hurt me.... Bad" I whispered. "That Fucker!" Jesse uttered
under his breath. "Jess, maybe you should wait in the other room" Mary
said. "No, I think he should stay" Mom answered "Tell Mary everything,
Andy." she urged.
	"He slammed my face to the floor and I got dizzy. He started to
rape me. It hurt real bad. I tried to fight him, but he slammed my face to
the floor again. Harder" I told them "I blacked out, I guess. Next thing I
know he's looking out the window or something and he heard me move. He
jumped on me and held out a knife". "Oh, my God!" Mother said. Mary patted
her shoulder and said "Go on Andy".
	"He said if I told anyone, he would kill all of us" I continued
softly. "All of us? What did he mean?" Mary asked. I pointed to Mom, Jesse
and Myself.
	Mary asked Mom what she wanted to do. "Let's talk in the living
room" Mother replied and they excused themselves. Jesse came to my side and
took my hand. I asked "What day is it?"
	"It's the Fourth of July" He said quietly and sat on the bed. "Why
are you here?" I asked, rather confused.
	"Your Mom called and we came right up" he replied, then asked "Are
you going to be OK, Andy?"
	"Mary's the Doctor" I responded. "She says yes" Jesse informed me.
"We're going to take you down the mountain. You need to be checked out at
the Hospital, just in case" he told me. "Are we going soon? I don't want to
stay here. I want to go home now. With you." I began whimpering.
	"OK. The hospital will x-ray your cheek bone and do a few tests" he
said while squeezing my hand tighter.
	"What about your Dad and Sister? I can't go home with you if
they're there." I whispered.
	"They're gone Andy. It didn't work out having them there." Jesse
stated flatly. I didn't ask why. I just felt relief knowing that I was
going down the mountain with Jesse to our home.
	I closed my eyes again. I squeezed his hand and either passed out
or fell asleep. I woke to voices in the room again. Just before I opened my
eyes I heard my Mother saying "We can never tell his Father. He would track
Eric down and shoot him. I know my husband and he would really do it." she
was saying.
	"I understand" Mary was saying as I opened my eyes. "Well, hello!"
she said as I looked up at them. I managed a weak "Hi.....". Jesse smiled
at me. "Andy, do you think you can move?" Mother asked me. "I think so.." I
answered, but didn't try. "Mary and Jesse are going to take you down the
mountain as soon as you can get up" she continued. Hearing this I tried to
sit up. My mind was intent on getting out of there. I didn't want to be
there a second longer.
	I sat up and realized that my head was pounding. "Oh" I said
clutching my head. I noticed then that I had a bandage over my cheek and a
bandage around my side where I'd been kicked. Jesse moved to me and helped
me swing around to sit on the edge of the bed. "I can move, but my head
hurts" I said. "OK, give yourself a moment. When you're ready, we'll walk
you to the car" Mary said. I sat for a moment then told Jesse "If you help
hold me up, I wanna' go now". He positioned himself so I could lean on him
if necessary. I stood up, feeling stiff and sore, but not as bad as I
thought I might. Jesse put my arm over his shoulder and his arm around my
waist. He looked at me as we paused. "OK, Let's go" I said and we went out
and down to the waiting car.
	 Mother had grabbed a few of my things and she carried them along
behind us as she talked to Mary. "I'll call you at the hospital starting at
six and keep calling until I get you. If they have to keep him at the
Hospital, I'll tell his Father. If not I'll give him the story we agreed
on. You're sure the hospital won't call the Police?". "No. I'm his
attending Physician and they have to get my OK to inform the police on a
case like this." I wasn't paying attention to their conversation. I was
distracted by the pain I was feeling. Jesse helped me into the back seat
where I lay down. He covered me with blankets and put a pillow under my
head.
	 "I love you, Andy" Mom whispered "Please be OK. I'll see you this
weekend. I'm going to drive down so I can check on you, all right?" I could
hear tears in her voice. I just nodded my head on the pillow and kept my
eyes shut. Mary spoke a few more words to Mother and then Jesse said "Don't
worry, Mrs. van Ryan. I'll take care of him. No one will ever hurt him
again as long as I'm around" he said. "I know you will, Jesse. I know you
will" she said.
	The car started and the doors shut. I felt us back out of the
driveway and then begin to pull forward. The last thing I heard before
falling asleep again was Jesse saying "I'll never leave him alone again,
Mom. I love him so much........."
	It was late afternoon when we reached the hospital. Two big guys in
white uniforms helped me onto a gurney and I was wheeled into the emergency
room. Jesse ran along side holding my hand the whole way. They proceeded to
poke, prod and x-ray every part of me that hurt and many that didn't. I was
pumped full of painkillers and drifted in and out as they worked me over.
	The good news was that I didn't have a fractured or broken
cheekbone. The bad news was that I had three fractured ribs and I was going
to have a permanent scar on my cheek from the way the cement floor had
split and scraped the skin down several layers.
	I almost couldn't stand it when they looked to see if the brutality
of Eric's rape had caused any internal damage. "Please stop!" I had cried.
Mary had taken hold of my hand and said "It'll be all right, Andy. Squeeze
my hand". I think I squeezed so hard I almost broke it but she never told
me to stop.
	Finally the ordeal at the Hospital was over and they released me to
Mary's care. It was after 11:00PM when we arrived home. Jesse and Mary
helped me to our bedroom and Mary insisted that I let her give me a shot.
"It's important I give you this, Andy" she had explained when I protested.
I started to drift off again as I heard Jesse say "I love you, Andy. I'm so
sorry. I'll never let you out of my sight again. I promise......".
	The window to our room was letting the morning sunlight stream in.
 I woke slowly. I felt a weight on my shoulder. My eyes fluttered open and
I turned my still aching head. On my shoulder lay Jesse's head. I could see
his tear stained face. Even with the stains running down his face, the
early morning light made him look like an angel. I looked at him as the fog
in my mind lifted a bit.
	Then I became aware that I was hurting all over. I groaned a bit
and Jesse's eyes popped open. He sat up with a start and said "Andy?! Are
you all right?". "No........" I groaned. He jumped up from the bed and ran
to the doorway. "Mom! He's awake! Hurry!" he yelled, then ran back to
me. "Oh, Andy! I'm so sorry!" he began crying again as he knelt beside the
bed. I reached out weakly and lifted his head so I could see his eyes. I
looked directly at him and half smiled. "I love you, Jess....." I managed
to whisper. Mary came running through the door, carrying her Doctors Bag.
	"Well now, Andy" she said looking me over "Where are you hurting?"
	"Everywhere" I whispered. "OK, I'll have to give you another
shot. Just relax and try to go back to sleep, Hon". I nodded my head in
approval and closed my eyes. As the sedative began to lift me away again, I
said quietly "Stay with me Jesse....." the last thing I heard was Jesse's
voice, choking back tears and saying "I'll never leave you, I'll never
leave........"
	I woke again about noon time. Jesse was sleeping in a chair at the
side of the bed all curled up. I lay there for a while, just letting myself
feel the soreness in my body. I ached all over It seemed. The worst thing
was my eye and cheekbone. The bruising around my eye had swollen it shut.
The deep abrasion on my cheek pulsed with my heartbeat.
	At the back of my head I could feel where Eric had pulled me along
by my hair. I wondered if I had any hair left back there! I finally tried
to shift my position in bed to get more comfortable. The pain from my ribs
shot though me and I winced.
	"Ehhewwwww" I cried out. Jesse jumped and sat up with his eyes
suddenly wide opened. "Here Andy, Let me help you!" he said and jumped to
my side. "There, is that better?" he asked, adjusting my position. "Uh,
huh....." I managed to speak. "Do you need anything?" he asked as he stared
at me intently.
	"Yea, I'm thirsty....." I answered him, this time a little above a
whisper. "OK, how about orange juice?" he asked. I nodded my approval and
he said "OK, be right back". He exited the room and suddenly I was alone.
Just as quickly, fear overwhelmed me. I felt as if Eric might suddenly pop
out from the closet, or come sneak into the room undetected. I pulled the
blankets up tight around me and sat up a little bit. I was startled when
Jesse came back through the doorway. I jumped a little and Jesse stopped.
	"I'm sorry, Andy! I didn't mean to scare you" he said. I looked at
his face and it seemed that he would cry again. "It's OK, Jesse. I'm just
nervous" I managed to say. "I don't blame you at all. I'm a bit nervous
about it as well" Jesse said. He had the saddest look in his eyes, so I
said to him "Come here, Jesse. Sit next to me, OK?" .
	"You sure you feel up to it?" he asked "Mom said that I should let
you have the bed to yourself for a few days".
	"Doctors don't know everything" I said, managing a weak smile.
"Besides, love heals all, right?".
	He came and sat on the edge of the bed. Handing me the juice he
said "If I see Eric, he's dead!".
	"Not if I see him first" I responded coldly. "Let's not talk about
him, OK?" I continued. "How bad does my face look?" I asked Jesse.
	"You've got one hell of a black eye. I can't see your cheek. It's
bandaged over, but it looks really swollen. You look kinda' pale and
fragile, too" he answered, matter of fact.
	"So I look like shit, huh?" I said solemnly. "I hope I'm not going
to stay looking this way". What I'd been told at the hospital about having
a permanent scar on my cheek was bothering me. I wondered how big and how
bad it might be.
	"Oh, you're up!" Mary said. I turned and there she stood in the
doorway, smiling at us. "Hi, Mom" I said hoarsely and she gave me a
thankful loving look.
	"Hello and how is the Prince of Main Street today?" Mary asked as
she stepped to the bedside.
	"In truth, I've felt far more royal on other occasions" I said in
my very best voice. This brought a laugh from both Mary and Jesse. "Well,
your Highness hasn't lost his sense of humor, has he Jesse?" Mary smiled.
"Nope, I guess this means he's going to live, Huh?" Jesse said, with the
first smile I'd seen from him since my rescue from up the mountain.
	"Did my Mother call?" I asked. "Yes, I talked with her from the
hospital and again this morning. She's going to be here tomorrow to see
you" Mary said. "So I have to go home tomorrow?" I said, the beginnings of
protest in my voice. "No, No Andy! You're staying right here the rest of
the summer. She doesn't want you out of mine and Jesse's sight. They're is
no way of knowing where Eric and Les might be" Mary reassured me "So just
in case, you're to stay here. Jesse and I will care for you and help you
get better".
	"That makes me feel better already!" I smiled, even though smiling
made my face hurt.
	"Andy, I have to tell you something" Mary said sounding suddenly
serious.
	 "Your Mother thinks that your Father would react very badly,
perhaps with violence if he knew. She didn't want to call him at the
Camp. As a matter of fact, she doesn't want to tell your Father about what
happen at all"
	"I don't want to tell him, either" I said. "He would think there
must be more to this. If Les goes against what I say, he always takes Les'
side. Les was in on this, so I'm sure he's going to try and blame it all on
me. Who knows what he might say".
	"Les was in on it?!" Jesse said.
	"What do you mean, Andy?" Mary asked.
	"Les took my Mom to the Bank and left Eric there alone with me. As
soon as Les pulled into the driveway, Eric ran out to get in the car. They
drove off like they were on the way to a fire. I heard them" I explained.
"He must have known that Eric was going to do something to me. Otherwise,
why would he leave Eric there. He's never left Eric at our house here in
town like that. It's completely out of the normal. He also told Mom they
could only stay for breakfast and they'd be leaving as soon as he brought
her home from the Bank. He made no mention that Eric was going to be there
alone with me, yet he knew about what had happened between me and Eric at
school."
	Then it hit me. "Why did he let him do it? Why didn't he stop
Eric?" I started to cry. "He's my brother! He HELPED Eric rape me!" I
sobbed "Why?........." I whimpered as Jesse's arms reached around me. Mary
sat down on the bed and cradled both her boys as they cried.
	"Shhh, now! It's going to be all right, boys" she comforted us with
a soothing voice. "It will be hard to get over, but we're all going to work
at it together, OK?".
	Jesse and I just cried and cried, holding each other. I realized
that Eric had raped Jesse as well. He was victimized mentally. The torture
of what had happened to me weighed heavily on Jess. He thought that it was
somehow his fault. He felt he had let his Father and sister force him into
sending me away to be attacked. I didn't feel that at all.
	I felt that Les had been conspiring with Eric as a way of getting
'even' with me for some imagined 'wrong' I had done to him when we were
children. Perhaps a way of hurting me for his feeling that I was 'spoiled'
or as punishment for getting more attention by being the youngest child. He
was definitely in on it. From the bottom of my soul I knew he had agreed
and had helped Eric hurt me.
      The road ahead of me was not to be easily traveled.