Date: Mon, 27 Sep 1999 16:45:31 -0500 From: Brent Stewart Subject: Outed in HS - Chapter 17 "Shock Value" "Shock Value" An amazing turn of events occurred about one week before spring break. In the months following our outing, the whispering and snickering all but disappeared. Brett and I weren't considered normal by any means, but we were less of a novelty. What we HAD become was the patron saints to all the mistreated and 'different' students in the school. This didn't occur over night though. Returning to school after the Christmas/New Year break, Brett decided he'd keep me in constant shock by spontaneously hugging or kissing me in the halls. He'd often meet me outside my classes, grab my hand, and off we'd stroll down the hall. He somehow lost the ability to talk in a low voice when we were on our strolls. On any given day, you could see the two of us performing in the halls. "So...are you coming to my house this weekend or are we spending it at yours? You know I OWE you for what you did to me LAST night!" Brett all but yelled in the hall and licked his lips. Those dimples of his would form deep crevices and his eyes were like pools of polished glass. "Lets make it your house," I replied in the same tone of voice, "Your beds bigger than mine." "Well at least I have ONE thing bigger than YOU!!" Brett would then threw his arms around my neck and kissed me, almost making me lose my balance. He loved this. The bigger the audience the more he'd play it up. Sometimes his hands would work themselves up my shirt and he'd tweak a nipple to make it hard. He'd jerk his hand out and smooth the material over the nipple to expose my body's reaction to his manipulation. Gasps, and wide-eyed staring were quickly replacing whispers. On other occasions, he meet me in the hall walking as if he'd rode a horse for a week. This wouldn't have drawn much attention, except he'd have to make comments to me that would cause more than a few of those in hearing range blush. "Damn Brent, we're going to have too start changing positions. My ass is going to hurt for a week!" He'd then rub his ass and sigh loud enough, that I'D even blush. Where all of this sudden boldness came from, only Brett knew. I'd ask him and he'd blink his eyes and swear he wasn't acting any way but normal. Normal. He left normal behind weeks ago. The one place that he'd refrain from making any kind of lewd comments or kissing and hugging was the locker room. That remained the sanctuary and could not be spoiled or desecrated. True to their word, the football team had run interference for us through the football season and thereafter. I began noticing some strange behavior from other students who I saw in the halls. I'd see a guy walking down the hall, head down, in an attempt to go unnoticed. Once he'd see me, he'd raise his head, smile at me and say hello. A pattern developed in this behavior, until I began to recognize about fifteen guys throughout the day that'd seem to always be in the hall at the same time I was. They knew my name, because they'd say, "Hi Brent!" and wave as they passed me. I had NO idea what their names were. Brett would comment on his experiences around the school and we were both noticing the attention. "Hi Brent!" A really cute guy called to me one afternoon while I was on my way to my locker. He waved as he passed me in the hall. "WAIT up!" I called back to him and went to talk to him. "Wait up guy." He stopped as I walked up to him. "Who are you? Are you in one of my classes?" "Oh no! I'm a freshman. My names Mike." "Hello Mike. You know, you've said hi to me almost every day for the last three weeks. I'm sure we've crossed paths before now, but I don't remember ever seeing you until you started saying hi to me. Don't get upset and please don't misunderstand my question, but what gives?" I smiled and raised my eyebrows. The guy looked scared now that I asked, and he ducked his head to look at the floor. "Um...I...I'm sorry if I've been bugging you Brent," he said as he continued to look at his feet, "I just wanted to let you know...um..." I was really scaring this guy! What's going on? I looked around and no one else in the hall appeared to be paying us any notice. "Look Mike, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to put you on the spot or anything. It's just, I've been getting this weird feeling that I'm always being watched and then there are guys I don't even know always saying hi to me. I see you almost every day and decided this was a good time to ask you why I'm so popular all of a sudden. I'm sure you know who I REALLY am and if not, you'll know soon enough when someone who's seen us talking gives you the low down." "Brent...I'm gay." He whispered so low, I barely heard him. My eyes opened as big as saucers upon realizing what this guy had just said to me. "I think it's great having someone like you in school. I think you're the cutest guy I've ever seen in my life." As the last word escaped his mouth, he gasped so loud, a couple people did finally notice us talking there. He was flushed red in his face and I thought he was going to pass out. "OH MY GOD! I can't believe I said that to YOU! I...I...I...I have to go!" He turned around and started running down the hall away from me. I shook my head as I watched him blend into the crowd. GREAT Brent! You handled that like a real pro...asshole. I sighed and turned down the hall to continue to my locker. Two or three more guys said hello and waved as I turned down the hall to my locker. "They can't ALL be gay, can they?" I thought to myself. Brett and I met at his car after school. "Lets go to Wendy's. I'm starving and after we eat we can go to the mall. I want to buy a pair of those Tommy jeans like yours." "Sure, no problem." I climbed into the passengers seat and waited for him to get in. "Before we go, I need to tell you about something that happened to me in the hall today." I explained what happened with Mike. "I think he really wanted to talk to me some more, but then he embarrassed himself by saying he though I was cute. You'd have thought I was going to pound him in the ground the way he reacted." "Maybe he knows who I am, Brent." He chuckled. "He might think I'll find out and kick his butt for trying to make the move on my boyfriend." Brett leaned over and gave me a kiss. "Don't you go getting any ideas about this Mickey guy!" A grin split his face from ear to ear. "Your all MINE!" "Now that I think about it, he was CUTE!" I teased. "He had eyes so blue, they almost looked black. His lips were really red and defined..." My reward was a punch in the arm from Brett as he started the car and pulled out of the lot. "I love you," I said and took Brett's right hand in mine. We ate at Wendy's and went to Dillard's in the Killeen Mall. Brett never refrained from testing his 'shock value', even at the mall. "How about these Brent? Do you think they'll show my ass really well? What about my package?" I blushed as I noticed one of the sales ladies raise an eyebrow in our direction. Brett loved seeing me blush and he could never keep from a follow through kiss. He finally broke his lips from mine and acted as if it was the most normal thing in the world for two guys to be kissing in the middle of a department store. The sales lady was now openly staring at us with her mouth hanging open. Brett noticed her. "Um...excuse me. Do you have these jeans in a 32/34?" "Argh...Brett, you're going to get us booted out of here!" I whispered in his ear and turned my back to her. "Shush...here she comes." I was facing away from her, but I could tell her progress from the way Brett's smile became bigger, the closer she came. "Hello boys." I almost jumped out of my skin when I recognized my mother's voice. I turned around and sure enough, there she was. "Mom! Ah...what are you doing here? When did you get here? Did you...um..." She crinkled her eyes together and frowned at me. Brett gave her a peck on the cheek and that brought a smile to her face. "Hello Mrs. Stewart. Brent and I were doing some jeans shopping. Who was that you were talking to outside a SECOND ago? Looked like Mr. Stewart." "It was. He's going to Sears if you want to catch up with him." Oh, my mother was being evil today. I laughed out loud at the expression on Brett's face. The blood seemed to have drained from his face as he shook his head in the negative and plainly said, "No...That's all I need." My mother hugged him and apologized for making light of it. I still had not spoken to my father, not a word, and it had been four months. "Brent, your grandparents are coming over for dinner tonight and so are Brett's parents. I thought you boys might want to grab a pizza and a movie? Brett, your mother and I spoke earlier and she said you could stay tonight if you thought you could do your homework as well." She raised an eyebrow to Brett. "Sure Mrs. Stewart...um...but what about him?" She knew who Him was, "Mr. Stewart has no comment Brett. I really wish you'd try and get beyond what happened. It's been a while now, and Brent acting the way he is, is more than enough for me." She looked at me with a slightly angry look. "It's up to you boy's what you want to do. Do you need some money Brent?" "I've got enough." I turned to Brett, "Are you going to stay the night?" "Sure!" My mother gave me a soft kiss on the cheek and then turned to Brett. He received a kiss on the cheek too, but then he got more than he bargained for, "You look like a really good kisser young man. The way Brent was swooning earlier, I thought my medical services were going to be necessary." My mother actually pinched Brett on the butt and he yelped, blushing to the tip of his ears. You could hear my mother snickering as she waved and walked away from us. I for one was going to need her in like 3 seconds, because I was laughing SO hard. I could not draw air. Someone was going to have to dial 911 for oxygen or I was a goner. Brett scowled at me, still blushing cherry red. The sales lady took the opportunity to come over and ask Brett if she could help him. He actually turned his butt away from her and made sure she didn't have the reach to pinch. I was holding onto the rack of jeans for support by now, still gasping. Brett told the sales lady no, grabbed me by the arm and lead me down the aisle, away from the scene. Weeks passed and Brett continued shocking the collective students in the halls and I let him indulge in it. I enjoyed the reactions as much as he did, once I got used to it. On this particular day, I was on my way to 5th period, when I saw Mike coming up the hall. He wasn't looking very far ahead as he walked, so he didn't notice me approach him. Since our first meeting, when he'd see me now, he'd look at me and smile, but hurry on his path. I needed to apologize to him. I touched his shoulder, "Hi Mike, can we talk? Please?" I startled him and when he realized it was me, he blushed. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you jump." "Hi...hi...Brent. No...You didn't make me jump. How...how's it going?" He looked scared shitless, not just startled. "Look Mike, I'm sorry about a few weeks ago. I really didn't mean to put you on the spot and you took off so quick, I'm not sure we even HAD a conversation. I just wanted to let you know that you don't have to avoid me. I...I know how it is." He was still shook up from me startling him, so I decided to let him recover. "Well, I guess I'll see you around." I sighed and continue in the direction of my class. Oh boy did that go well, I thought and sighed again. Steve came around the corner ahead of me and I yelled out to him. He turned around and saw me walking towards him. "Brent! Hey hotty. So who's the shadow?" He said. "What?" I turned around and there was Mike. He had a pensive look and was about to turn around and leave. "Mike! Wait! Come back." Mike came back and as he reached me, his eyes dropped to the floor. Shy, I thought. "Steve, this is Mike...Mike, Steve. Steve's one of my best friends." I said to him. He looked up at Steve, reached out his hand to shake. Steve smiled at me and took Mike's hand and shook it. "Great to meet you Mike, so are you hanging out with Brett and this guy now?" He thumbed in my direction. "Um...no...Not really. I...just..." God this guy was shy and then some. "He's a friend Steve. Listen, I need to talk to Mike but I wanted to know if you want to go too Temple with Brett and I are after school? We're going to the Olive Garden and I'll even treat." Steve and I hadn't had a lot of time together lately. He was always busy doing what senior's do they're last year of high school. At least I knew he was going to the University of Texas in Austin. That was great, cause it was only 60 miles away. "Food? Sure thing! Are you leaving from school or later? "Later. Just come by my house when you're ready. Brett can drive us and you can pick your car back up when he drops me off. Ok?" "Deal. I'll see you after school then. Bye Mike." Steve turned and headed for his class. I turned my attention back to Mike. He was looking at Steve as he walked away. "Did you want to ask me something Mike?" I smiled at him in a non-threatening way. I didn't want to scare him off again. This guy looked like he really needed someone to talk too. "Is...Is Steve gay?" He whispered. This guy really was cute. But he was extremely shy and it dawned on me that he must have been tearing himself apart inside just talking to me at this moment. Waving and saying hello in the hall was probably the extent of contact he thought he'd ever have with me. "No, he's not. We've been friends since middle school." "I think it's so kewl that you have straight friends and they know your...gay." He looked around, "I heard about what happened to you and your boyfriend and I've been watching you...um..." He looked at my eyes before continuing and swallowed hard, "I look up to you Brent. I...I..." His voice thickened and I felt a wealth of emotion coming from him. "I wish I were you." Tears formed in one of Mike's eyes and he looked away from me as he finished saying these words. My eyes were clouding with emotion and I was speechless. Never before had I ever been confronted with someone who said they wanted to be me. Who was I? I was this scared teen, who was gay, and had to deal each day with the knowledge that everyone I see knows it. "Mike, you don't want to be me guy." He wiped the tears from his eyes and looked around to make sure no one was watching us. "Come with me." We walked down a side hall that led to a row of lockers. No one was in the hall and there was only about 10 minutes before the bell would ring. "Listen. I know its tough. I'm scared every day I come to school. But...I wouldn't have things back the way they were." He was looking at me and I wanted to hug him so much to comfort him. Then I had an idea. "Will your parents let you go to Temple with me and my friends after school today?" "What...what?" He stuttered and opened his eyes wide. "Will they? I want you to go to Temple with Brett, Steve and I? Can you?" Gosh this guy needs to understand his own self worth. Maybe if he sees that it's ok to be himself, he'll...what? "I...I don't know Brent. Are you sure? You...you don't even know me." The tears had stopped and now he had a look of anticipation in those blue eyes. "I know you Mike," I smiled, "You ARE me and I'm you. If you want too and it's ok with your parents, I want you to go. The guys won't mind. So what do you say?" "I need to call my mom. How will I let you know?" I reached in my backpack and took out a piece of paper. I wrote my home number on it. "Here, call me when you find out and I'll get directions to your house when we talk on the phone. If your mom wants to talk to mine, she'll be home when you call." He looked nervous now. Boy could this guy's emotions vacillate. "It's up to you. I don't want to scare you or anything. I just thought you might like to hang out with us tonight. It's your decision. Call me after school." The first warning bell rang and we both jumped. "Oops...I better jet. You call me Mike and let me know, see ya!" "I will Brent!! And... THANKS!!" I smiled and we both dashed off to our respective classes after saying goodbye. Now I was in the soup, so the saying goes. I better tell Brett as soon as I can or he's going to freak! I smiled at the thought of how excited Mike was there at the last. Brett will understand when I tell him. Over the next several weeks, Brett and I accumulated a group of friends that we would never thought to have had a mere 6 months ago. The group consisted of guys representing all grades, from freshmen to seniors. Tall, short, fat, skinny, gay, straight, bi and all in between. Mike was the one who drew these new friends to us. He was my shadow after that first day. He went to Temple with us and then attached himself to me. Brett thought it was cute and wanted one too. His wish came true, but his was named David. David was a senior and played in the school band. We finished out the school year. It was a turning point in my life and Brett's as well. The school learned a little more about acceptance as each day passed since our outing. There were still those who would never accept it. We dealt with them as best we could. The surprising amount of tolerance we were shown by teachers and faculty wasn't expected, but much welcomed. I was going to be a junior next year and Brett a senior. The months were passing and soon I'd be left behind without him. We still had the summer and the rest of our lives. What difference would a year make? It was a warm summer night that I lay in the hammock outside. I looked up in the sky and thought about what I wanted to accomplish in my life. Decisions would have to be made soon. Time was slipping by at break neck speed. Brett was going to Texas A&M University in Bryan/College Station after he graduated, one year until then. Maybe I can get a football scholarship to A&M. That would really be great to go to the same college. But what did I want to do? I looked up into the night sky. Stars broke the darkness. It seemed you could look forever and never know what was really out there. I was always fascinated with space flight and loved to fly on an airplane. I did a report on NASA when I was a freshman for a class. I got so much material when I wrote my congressman for information on the agency. Most of the pilots for shuttle missions were once in the Air Force as pilots. As I thought of my future, Brett was in my mind. We were a team, he and I. I could feel him through my bond, a comforting presence no matter where he or I were. How we could make a future together, were the last thoughts I had as I drifted off to sleep under the sky. My mother woke me some time later and I went to my bedroom. Brett was gone for a week with his parents and sibs. Steve and I were going to the lake tomorrow with Mike and some of the gang. Steve was dating a girl named Sonja. She was very pretty and we got along really well. Steve graduated from high school. He would be attending college in the Fall. He joked with me and said, "I'll have a room all ready for you when you get to UT." I laughed and told him that he better have one ready. We hugged and told each other we'd miss the other. "I really will miss him," I sighed. My life was happy, if not 'normal'. Normal is overrated anyway. I climbed into bed and turned off the lamp on my nightstand. One more year...and then I'm alone again. I hugged my pillow. "I'll never REALLY be alone." I said out loud. I could feel Brett with me and he comforted me, I feel asleep. ------------------------------------------------ The end is near my friends. Perhaps one more chapter and the saga of my life in high school will end. Steve leaving high school for college was a milestone. He was there through it all with Robert and he stood by me with Brett. I hated him in middle school and he wasn't too much better the first few days of high school. You never know where you'll find true friendship. Never take anything for granted or especially any person. They will surprise you if you do. Guess who one of my roommates is in college? :-P Sorry for the delay with this chapter. I went home to visit the 'rents over the weekend and didn't find a moments peace to write. Send any comments to me at brent@cutey.com . Hopefully I'll get the final chapter typed and submitted shortly. I must be boring you all by now :-)