Date: Thu, 12 Feb 2004 05:49:49 -0800 (PST) From: SJL Subject: Paul and Adam: Chapter 7 Chapter Seven, signed, sealed, and delivered. Don't read this if you shouldn't read this. You know all the rest. Write me. I love it when you do. It is, as always, geekwriter143@yahoo.com And, uh, there's a little note at the end of the story telling you a bit more about me, if you care to read it. On to Chapter 7, from Paul's POV ________________________________________________ "The fireworks were wonderful, no?" my mother asks as she stretches her legs out on the ottoman. She, Caroline, and I are sitting on the back porch drinking iced tea and eating leftover peach cake for breakfast. Well, Mom and I are eating peach cake. Caroline's hung over from all the red wine she drank the night before, so she's just sipping her iced tea, her cake untouched on the plate on her lap. "I like the blue and green ones the best," Mom says. "Such a pretty color combination. I wish we had fireworks more often. Every time I watch them, I feel like a little girl again. Which ones are your favorite, Paul?" "The ones with the fizzing sperm at the end," Caroline says. I shoot her a dirty look. "They were all fine," I say. "Yes, but what colors are your favorite? I trust your artistic eye." The last thing I want to hear about is my artistic, queer eye. "Like I give a shit about the fireworks," I say. "They're over. Who cares?" My mother looks at Caroline. "He has PMS," Caroline says, and they laugh. "Fuck both of you," I say. I leave through the back door and come around to the garage to get my bike and ride out to the quarry. There are some people swimming, but I don't feel like being sociable, so I ride past. I looked for Adam at the fireworks show, but he wasn't there. I thought he'd at least come over to Mark's to set off roman candles and bottle rockets, but he didn't. I ride past the swimming pool, but it's full of kids splashing each other, not the swim team. I ride past Adam's house, but I don't stop. I think maybe I should give him some time to cool off. I don't see Adam the next day, or the next. I try to call once, but he doesn't answer the phone. I leave a message, but he never calls me back. A week or so later, a bunch of us go to the quarry, and Adam's there with his swim team friends, but he doesn't even look at me. "Is he pissed?" Mark asks as I throw stones into the quarry and he smokes a cigarette. "Yup." "Is he pissed at me?" I shake my head. "No, Mark. It's not you." "Then what? I don't give a shit. I fucking called him to try and tell him that I don't give a shit and he hung up on me." We both watch Adam as he dives into the quarry, racing across to the far side with a bunch of upperclassmen. "Maybe he thinks he's too good for us, now," Mark says, curling his lip. "I mean, he's such hot shit, right? He's got all those fucking seniors to hang out with. Or maybe he's jealous. You don't think he's jealous, do you? That he thinks I'm trying to move in on you? Because you're a friend and everything, but that's just not my scene. I mean, no offense, but I don't think even if I was horny as hell I'd move in on you." He's so sincere that I can't help but laugh. "He's not jealous, Mark. He's just got a bug up his ass is all." "Got that right," Mark says. His eyes follow Kara Stanton as she walks by in her bikini. "Hey, Mark," Kara says, smiling at him. Mark looks at me. "Go," I say. "Go get you some pussy, young man." Mark takes off after her, and she shrieks as he splashes her with the cool quarry water, but she's laughing so she's not mad. Caroline's in the middle of the quarry pretending to drown so that Mitch can practice his lifesaving skills on her. Next to me, Natalie Pierce is stretched out on a towel and flirting with Jimmy, who's stretched out next to her and flirting back. Out on the island, Adam's sitting next to a junior named Laura. They're sitting thigh to thigh, and even from this distance I can see that he's flirting with her. He squeezes her upper arm and says something, then places his hand on her thigh. She laughs and swats his hand away, but she's smiling. I lay back and pretend to be tired, but really I just don't want to look. Mark, Kara, Natalie, Jimmy, me, and everybody are still there when Adam and his swimming friends decide to leave. They have to walk past us on the way to their cars, and I stare at Adam as he passes me. He sees me, pretends not to see me, looks at me for a moment, then drops his head. <> I think. <> We eat at this place called Mel's Diner that serves the best hamburgers for lunch. We go to the arcade for a while. I sit on the bench near the dartboards, and Caroline sits next to me. She puts her arm around my shoulder. "You gonna be OK?" she asks me. I nod. "Sure." I've told her what happened, and she can see for herself that Adam's ignoring me, but she's stayed true to her word not to go after him for anything. I can tell she wants to, but I don't let her bring it up. Caroline brushes my hair off my forehead and kisses the top of my head. "I'm sorry it had to turn out like this," she says. I shrug. Everybody decides that they want to go to the drive-in, but I beg off, telling them I don't feel good. My mom's in her office grading papers from the summer session, so I don't disturb her. I just go up to my room, surprised when I see the light on my answering machine blinking. Everybody that ever calls me has been with me all day. The message on my answering machine is short. "Paul, it's Adam. Come over tonight. I'll be in my room." Only three sentences. Eleven words. He doesn't need to spell it out for me because I know. I can hear it in his voice. It's over. I'm almost relieved that he's going to make it official. "I'm going over to Adam's," I tell my mom. She waves and nods, not looking up from the paper she's grading. The Parker's house is dark when I get there. I consider knocking, but I don't. The front door is unlocked, and I let myself in and walk through the darkened house towards the only light-the light coming from Adam's room. He's sitting on the edge of his bed with his head down, his elbows resting on his knees. The lamp by the window casts his shadow on the far wall. I ache. Everything I am aches for him. It's not fair, really, to have anything that beautiful exist. You live in constant fear of it being taken away from you. I can feel it in the air of the room. It's coming off him in waves. This is it. I had him for a little while, but it's over now. "Shut the door," Adam says. I shut the door behind me and lock it. I'm not leaving. I don't care what he says; I'm not leaving without a fight. "So, I'm here," I say. I'm not going to make it easy for him. I'm going to make him tell me it's over. I won't just acquiesce. Adam takes a deep breath, then looks up at me. He's not wearing a shirt, only cut-off sweats and I think it's cruel of him. He knows how his body makes me crazy, and here he is about to crush me and he's almost naked. His nipples are dark and round as half-dollars. I can almost feel them on my tongue, and I wonder if he'll let me suck on them just one last time. "Come here," Adam says. His voice is low and his eyes are dark. He stands, and I take a step towards him, but just one. Adam startles me when he slides his thumbs beneath the waistband of his cut-offs and pushes them to the floor. He steps out of them and moves towards me and pulls me against him. I slide my arms around him, feel the bare skin of his back, and then his mouth is over mine. His kisses are hungry and rough and he's shaking. I don't want to kiss him, don't want to want him as much as I do, but I can't fight it. All the anger I felt earlier in the day is just gone. He's kissing me and he's holding me and I can tell he needs me, too. "I wanna feel you inside me," he whispers against my ear. His hot breath makes me shiver. I close my eyes and if I wasn't holding on to him I think I'd probably fall. "Are you sure?" My voice sounds strange to me, not like my own at all. He pulls back and nods. He turns and pulls the covers on his bed down, opens the drawer on his bedside table and pulls out condoms and lube. My cock's as hard as his, although mine's straining against fabric and his is free and pointing to heaven. I take my shirt off and drop it, take my pants off quickly, leaving them in a pile with my underwear and my socks and my shoes. Adam stretches out on his stomach. He pulls a pillow beneath his head and winds his arms around it. I sit on the edge of the bed and touch the small of his back, run my fingers up to the nape of his neck to play with his hair. "You're really sure?" I ask. "Yeah," Adam says. He's grinding his hips against the mattress. "I don't want to hurt you." "Get me ready, first." "God, Adam, if I ever hurt you..." "Go slow." I start to rub his back. I climb over him and sit on his thighs and massage him. He sighs and sinks deeper into the mattress. I slide my hands down and squeeze the white globes of his ass. Adam groans and arches his ass up. I lean and kiss the soft skin of his ass, rub my face against it. I spread his cheeks and my tongue darts out and finds its target. He shudders as I begin to tongue him, bathe that sweet pucker of skin with spit and tease it with my tongue. I part his legs and slide down between them and lose myself there, inhaling his musky scent, feeling him shudder and feeling his asshole spasm around my tongue. I thrust it into him, feeling him open to me. "Do it," Adam moans. "Fuck, Paul, just do it." "Shh," I whisper. I sit up and rub his lower back with my hand. "We should go slow." "I need it," his voice nearly breaks. "Shh," I say. I open the bottle of lube and let some of the thick liquid drip onto my fingers. I spread it on his asshole, and the ease with which my fingers slide over his skin makes me smile. OK. I've read about this. I've jerked off to webpage after webpage about this very thing. I know what to do, right? Get him relaxed, slick him up with lube. There's no need to be nervous, but I'm nervous. If I hurt him, if I cause him pain... I always thought this would be the other way around. I take a deep breath and drip more lube onto my middle finger, slick it up, press it against his hole. I press and his hole opens for me and I slide my finger inside. Adam groans, and I can tell that it's definitely not a groan of pain. "More," Adam whispers. He's breathless. "I want all of it." Christ, he's hot inside. My cock's throbbing to the beat of my heart. I've never even worn a condom before. Adam knows this, doesn't he? He has to know. He's the only one of us that's ever done it. But we did have to put condoms on bananas in freshman bio, so I'm vaguely familiar with the whole idea. I wish I'd paid better attention. I slide my finger out of him, reach for the condoms, open a packet. God, what now? Pinch the tip. I remember in bio they told us it was very important to pinch the tip. Roll it down slowly, all the way to the base. I give my cock a squeeze. It feels weird but not bad. Maybe it'll help me keep from coming too fast, because being inside of Adam...God. I shiver as I squirt lots of lube into my hand and slide it over my latex-sheathed cock. Is it too much? Not enough? Too late now. I spread his ass with the fingers of my left hand, rub the head of my cock against his hole with my right hand and press forward. Adam gasps as I pop into him. "Jesus," I say. "Are you all right?" "Yeah," he says. He's panting. "More." "Tell me to stop if it hurts." He nods and buries his face in the pillow. He's so hot inside. The ring of muscle squeezes me tight just behind the head of my cock. I press forward again and slide in nearly an inch before Adam says, "Wait!" I rub the small of his back. Jesus. How could he ask me to do this? I always thought I'd be the one getting fucked, and I didn't care if he hurt me. I can feel his muscles relaxing around my cock and finally he says, "OK. It's OK." We continue this for what seems like forever. Slide it in, wait, slide out a little bit then slide in further. I can't tell if it's been ten minutes or two hours and I don't care. I could do this forever. Finally, I'm in-I'm all the way in. I stretch out over him and we lay there together, Adam reaching back to curl his fingers through my hair. "Am I crushing you?" I ask. "No. I'm ready now." "Yeah?" "Yeah." I start to grind my hips. Nothing more than that at first, just moving my hips, rocking them against his ass, and Adam sighs. "Yes," he whispers. I lift my hips up further before thrusting back down into him. I prop myself up on my hands and start to fuck him slowly, concentrating hard to control the speed of my thrusts. What I want is to collapse on top of him and fuck like a jackrabbit until I come, but I don't. Jesus. Even through the condom the heat of him is intense. Slow, Paul, keep it slow and steady right now. He whimpers every time I slide into him. He's starting to sweat. He arches his ass up to meet every thrust. "You OK?" I ask. Adam laughs. It turns into a moan. My hips pick up their rhythm. I slide back onto my knees, grip his hips, pull him back with me. Adam's on his knees, on his elbows with his head hanging down against the bed. I can see the curve of his back and the beads of sweat beginning to run down his spine. I have his hips in my hands and I pull him back against me as I thrust forward. My balls are slapping against him. Adam grips the sheet and twists it in his hands. He's so tight. Christ. He's so tight, so hot inside. Adam pushes up onto his hands. He's meeting every thrust now, slamming back against me as I slam forward. I lean and kiss his back, taste his sweat. The muscles in his shoulders are tense and he arches his head up and cries out. He's wordless now, as am I. There are no words to describe this, nothing we can do but cry out and grab at each other. He's on one hand, now, the other between his legs stroking quickly. I keep one hand under his hip, slide the other one up his spine, curl my fingers through the damp hair at the nape of his neck. Adam cries out and I feel it, actually feel him come as his ass tightens around me in rhythmic tremors. It feels like he's milking me, like he's trying to pull me even further inside. He collapses and I fall with him, my hips pumping madly, jackrabbit now, until finally it's white hot and I explode and fill him with my cum. We lay there together, wordless, panting. Sweat makes our bodies slick and I lick the back of his neck, tasting his salt. Finally, I reach down and pull out of him slowly. He whimpers when I do, then rolls onto his side and gazes up at me. I slide the condom off, filled with my cum, and toss it towards his trash. Adam pulls me to him and we kiss sloppy, sweet kisses. I don't care that we're hot, sticky, sweaty. I'm not letting go of him. Adam must feel the same way because he clings to me and presses his face against my chest. His hair's damp and I stroke I and kiss it and I'm close to falling into a blissful sleep when I realize that Adam's crying. "God," I say. "God, Adam, you said it was OK. I didn't want to hurt you. Why didn't you tell me I was hurting you?" He shakes his head and clings to me. "It's not that," he says. He's shaking. "Paul..." I kiss him over and over again. "You should have told me to stop. I would have stopped. It kills me that I hurt you." "You didn't," he whispers. "Just hold me right now. Just hold me, Paul. I need you." "Forever," I say. I kiss his cheeks, his forehead, his eyelids. "I'll hold you forever if that's what you want. You know that." I cradle him in my arms, rock him slowly. I kiss him gently over and over again until he stops crying. He clings to me and he's stopped shaking. I don't let go. "I needed proof," he whispers. "What are you talking about?" "I knew. I knew, but I needed proof. Part of me wouldn't believe it until I had proof." "Proof of what? Tell me what you're talking about." "Proof that I'm gay, Paul, proof that this isn't just about getting off." I stroke his hair. My heart's pounding. I want to ask him if he got his proof but I don't. I guess I already know. He wouldn't be crying so hard if he hadn't gotten it. "I love you," I say. "I know." He squeezes me tight. "I love you, too, and it scares the shit out of me." "Why?" "Because I'm not you. I don't have Delphine and Caroline. I don't have anybody that takes care of me, and now I know I never will. I wanted an Annie to take care of me. I wanted a family." I kiss him. "I'll be your Annie. I'll be your family." Adam's crying again. "I mean it. I'll take care of you. I'll share Mom and Caroline with you. They already love you. It'll be easy." "Promise me," he says. "I promise." I kiss him, then pinch his arm. "Ow." "Don't you ever fucking do that to me again," I say. "I won't." "I don't give a shit what's going on with you, you talk to me." "I promise, Paul. I'm so sorry. I was just...when Mark came in on us...he knows." "Yeah, he knows," I say. I kiss him. "And he doesn't give a shit." "Really?" "Really. If you wouldn't have hung up on him you'd know that. You know how he is. Christ. He wants me to Queer Eye him so he can get more chicks." Adam smiles at that. "Figures. It just...it felt weird for him to know when even I wasn't sure what was going on." I don't know if I want to ask, but I do. "What is going on?" He takes a deep breath and presses his face against my chest. "I'm in love with you," he says softly. "Love you, too," I say. I close my eyes and we lay there together until the sweat on our bodies has cooled and dried. "Stay the night?" Adam asks, stroking my chest. I nod. "Yes." I get up and cross the room to his desk, and I know he's looking at me, that I'm completely naked, but it's OK. I pick up the phone and dial my number. "It's very late, Paul," is the first thing my mother says. "I told you I was at Adam's." She sighs, but doesn't say anything. "I, uh..." I scuff my toe along the carpet. "I'm gonna spend the night, OK?" She's silent for a moment, and I think maybe the phone has been disconnected. Then she says, "All right. Goodnight, Paul. Be careful." She knows. I guess I already figured she did, but I won't tell Adam. Not tonight, anyway. "I will," I say to her. Night, Mom." I hang up the phone and walk back to Adam's bed, which suddenly feels like our bed. I lay next to him and he pulls the covers up over us. He slides closer to me, slides into my arms and I hold him and kiss him until we fall asleep. We must have moved apart during the night, because when we wake we're no longer holding each other. "Morning, sleepyhead," Adam says softly. He's lying on his side with his head on his arm. His eyes are gentle as he looks at me. I yawn. "What time is it?" "I don't know. Seven, maybe." I groan. "Jesus. Don't you have to be at practice?" He reaches out to play with my hair. "Nope. It's Saturday." I smile at him. Saturday. The days all blend together during the summer. I forget the difference between the weekend and the weekdays. Adam moves closer to me and I pull him into my arms again. It feels so good to hold him. It feels so good that he wants to be held. "I can still feel you inside me," he whispers against my neck. My skin flushes hot as I remember what we did the night before. "Are you sore?" I ask, stroking his arm. "A little bit." "I'm sorry." "No. Don't be sorry. I like the way it feels." He squeezes me, then sighs. "Go back to sleep," he whispers. I stroke his hair, lean my head up to kiss the top of his head. I close my eyes and listen to him breathe and match my breath to his. Eventually, I sleep. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Well, that feels a little bit like an ending, but it won't be. Never fear, there will be more of Paul & Adam to come, if you want it. See, there's something I didn't mention when I first started posting this story because I was afraid no one would take me seriously-I'm a chick. Yeah, that's right, I'm a big ol' dyke. But I think guys together are really hot and beautiful, as I hope you can tell from the story so far. As the story has progressed and I've received all your amazing emails, I've started to feel more and more that it was important to let you know this-for you and for me. It's kind of like being in the closet; at first you're doing it to protect yourself and the people around you, and then it just ends up being really shitty and you feel like a liar. So, there, I'm out of the closet about my femaleness. And if any of you care to know more about me, you can go to my (new and still rather small) website. It's at http://veggiegrlaz.tripod.com