Date: Sun, 1 Jul 2012 02:17:01 -0700 (PDT) From: Jenny Tian Subject: Perfection Chapter 1 Perfection By Azula I had a perfect sister, Lisa. She was beautiful, had long, blonde hair, big blue eyes, good body, she was a very good athlete and always the top of the class. You might think that she had to have at least one flaw like a bitchy personality or clumsy hands. She had neither. She was kind, popular, everyone liked her and she could also paint and play the piano. She was perfect. I was born when she was twelve but even though the age difference was so big we were close. She looked after me when I was just a baby, she dressed me up in her old clothes when I was four and made pictures, she played games with me, taught me to ride a bike, to read and write when I was in kindergarten and went shopping with me. I loved her more than anyone else. It was in the summer just before I came into first grade. I was six years old, Lisa was eighteen and just finished high school. She had been accepted to Harvard and we all knew she'd be a great lawyer in the future. Lisa and I went to eat ice cream and I told her about something my friends and I had done. The next thing I know is someone yelled, I heard a metallic sound and suddenly I was thrown to the ground, my sister covering my whole body. I remember her smile, how she whispered to me, told me to be a good boy, said she loved me and then her eyes got that empty look and I saw blood dropping down from the back of her head. I think I cried, I yelled, I felt how her body became limp and then there were sirens, her body was taken off me and I saw the metal bars that had fallen down from the construction work on the roof of the house where we had walked by. One was sticking out from her back, I saw one that was bloody. It was the one that had hit her head and there were maybe a dozen or so lying around, one had hit a car but nobody except for my sister was hurt. That day was the worst in my whole life. The person I loved most had been taken from me without any warning. I knew she was gone. Some kids don't understand death but I did. I had seen it. I saw her eyes, felt her body and smelt the blood. I knew she was never coming back. My parents were as devastated as me. They couldn't believe that their perfect angel was just gone, died while protecting me. The funeral was a few days later and there were so many people. Everyone was crying for losing such a wonderful person. I felt like a zombie, I was numb and didn't know what to do without Lisa. Later people came to our home and there were so many tears and handkerchiefs, so many comforting words and hugs. Nobody hugged me and when I noticed the looks that people gave me I realized that I was the reason Lisa was dead. She had died protecting me. It should have been the other way around. I should have died, not her. She was the perfect one, I was just Sam, her brother. My parents decided to move, this place held too many memories of Lisa and they couldn't stand it. My father found a new job in a city far away and they bought a house that looked very different from the one we lived in. Every night I thought about how I could bring Lisa back, how I could make everything better, how to undo the horrible thing I'd done and just before the move I came to the realization that I had to become her. I had to become Lisa. While packing I left all my clothes back and instead took Lisa's clothes from when she was younger. They were still very good and pretty and they fit me. My parents didn't notice a thing and then we drove all the way down to our new home. We spent the first week unpacking, getting used to the new house and the first night was the first time I put on girls panties, a beautiful shirt and tight pants. I looked into the mirror and was happy that I indeed looked a lot like Lisa when she was younger. I had the same blonde hair, the same big blue eyes with long lashes and a face that wasn't very boyish. The only thing was my hair. It was too short and I decided to let it grow. Maybe not as long as Lisa, just to my shoulders but that should be good. I smiled the first time since that day and went downstairs since dinner was finished. My mother froze when she saw me, my father's jaw dropped. I just sat down like it was the most natural thing and then they both smiled a little. The summer was over very soon and the first day of school was there. My father went with me and when the teacher saw me he looked confused, asked if I was Samuel Collins. "I'm Sam." I just said and he frowned. "I think there was a mistake." "No. This is Sam, my daughter." My father said. "But here it says Samuel." "Just give her whatever she needs. Locker and things like that. And I would like that no one calls her Samuel." My father looked very serious. "Okay, sure." The man mumbled and so my first day at school began. It was the first day of school for everyone and I became friends with some of the girls. PE wasn't really a problem then because I hadn't reached puberty yet and I just turned around when I put on my gym clothes and we didn't have to take showers. One teacher tried to send me to a counsellor but I refused and so the first six years of school passed fast. I was always the top of the class and I was happy whenever my parents complimented me. I was not too good at basketball and group sports but I became a great gymnast because I was flexible and quite strong despite my slim build. Things were trickier when I turned twelve and my body began to change but luckily my genes were on my side. My face was still girly enough and I never really built muscles like some of the guys. Over the years I grew up to be 5'7" and was still very slim. I did women's gymnastics and so my body didn't look muscular. I was strong but it didn't really show. My cock grew but it didn't come close to the average size and I was glad for that. My voice did drop a little but it was never too low and others said it was a smoky voice, a little deep for a girl but very sexy. My body was very smooth and I only grew some pubes and a little under my arms. I waxed my legs occasionally and also learned to put on make up. My lashes were great and my eyes really stood out, my skin was good, too and by the time I was fifteen I was one of the prettiest girls in school. Another problems were my boobs or lack thereof. My mother finally bought stuffed bras and when I looked into the mirror there was nothing that looked manly. But with my looks came the boys-trouble. I realized soon that I didn't want to date girls. I wanted to date boys. Sometimes I wondered if I would have liked girls if that thing with my sister never happened but for some reason I doubted it. I had a steady stream of boys asking me out and I went on many, many dates. But all that ever happened was a kiss and even that I didn't like too much. I knew I couldn't get too involved with a boy and usually only went on one or two dates with the same guy and for that reason was known as a player but not a slut because I told my girlfriends everything that happened. They always giggled when I told them who was a bad kisser and stuff like that. But there was also the fact that I didn't really like to be touched. I was a distant person and just after Lisa's death I flinched whenever someone touched me. It got better but I never really got over it. My friends and I had many sleepovers and I guess it's a miracle that they never noticed the package between my legs. I usually wore tight jeans, sometimes skirts and dresses but it didn't really show since it wasn't very big. But while changing I always had to turn around. Things began to change again when I became a senior. I always was in the popular crowd and just like Lisa I was the top of the year. I had many friends and was happy. One day Frank asked me out. He was a jock, arrogant but good looking. I didn't really want to but my friends were all excited about it and said I should. Most of them had lost their virginity already and we often talked about it but they also knew that I was trying to wait. I had heard Lisa talk to her friend on the phone and I knew I shouldn't but I eavesdropped. I heard how she said she didn't want to sleep with someone before she really knew he was the one and back then I didn't understand it but now I did and since I had become Lisa I knew I'd wait. My friends thought it was cute but they also thought it was a little out of time. In the end I agreed to go on that date with Frank. It wasn't too bad. He wasn't the cleverest guy but it was fun. We went to the movies, to dinner and then took a walk in the park. It was getting dark already and only a few lights were on. Frank took my hand and then pressed me against a tree and kissed me. I didn't like the feeling of being trapped, I hated it, I tried to struggle but he just continued kissing me. "Let go." I finally managed to say when I pushed his head away. "You're really pretty, you know." He said. "Frank, I don't like this, okay?" He didn't react and just continued kissing me and then to my horror he slipped a hand under my shirt. I struggled but he was too strong. "Let go." "No. My friends said you were a cock tease." He mumbled. "Frank, go away. I don't want this. I don't sleep with anyone on the first date. And we're outside." "So?" "I said I don't sleep with..." "On the second date?" "No." "Third?" "Perhaps." "So we're going on a third date." "No. Not with you. Let me go." "Ah, I knew it. Just a cock tease." Frank said and pressed me even harder to the tree. I was getting really scared now and yelled for help but Frank immediately put his hand over my mouth. "Shut up, stupid bitch." I tried to kick him, punch him but he was just too strong and when he slipped his hand in the back of my panties my eyes filled with tears. But before he reached the place where he expected a vagina he was suddenly gone. I collapsed on the ground and saw another guy beat the shit out of Frank. "You alright?" The guy then asked me after one final punch in Frank's face. "Yeah. Thank you." The guy helped me up and it was quite dark but I could see that he was probably a year or two older than me and he was very handsome. "No big. I just hate guys like him." He said, his voice very deep and sexy. "Thanks again." "You're welcome. Let's get out of here." I nodded and followed him. He was taller than me, maybe six feet and looked really strong. Not body builder like but I could imagine that he worked on a construction site or something like that. Though I really hoped he didn't because I avoided construction sites like the pest. "So, who was the guy?" He asked. "He asked me out. I didn't really want to but my friends said I should." "Ah, I see. Well, he's an asshole." "Yeah." "Where do you live?" I told him the address and he just nodded and walked to the direction where I lived. "What's your name?" He then asked. "Sam." "Samantha?" That was what people often asked. "No, just Sam." "I see." "Yours?" "I'm Ray." "Thanks again, Ray." He looked at me and smiled, which made my heart flutter. "You're welcome." We were quiet for a while but then I suddenly began to shake as the realization hit me what had almost happened. Perhaps it wouldn't have when Frank found out my biggest secret but still. "Are you alright?" Ray asked with a concerned expression. "I... I..." I couldn't get a word out and Ray finally just put his arms around me. I tensed, wanted to push him away but then I felt how hot his body was, his temperature so much warmer than mine and it felt good, so good that I just relaxed and held on to him. I felt better after a few minutes but didn't want to let go. He finally looked at me. "Feel better?" "Yes. Thank you again." He chuckled and I was amazed at how good that felt with his body still pressed to mine. "Let's go." I nodded and we walked the remaining ten minutes without saying anything. I wished the walk was longer but we stood in front of the house quite soon. "Thanks again." I said. "Yeah, you don't have to say it so many times." He said with a gentle smile. "Could... could I probably have your phone number? I'm sure my parents will want to thank you too and..." "Sam, don't fall for me, okay?" "What?" "Look..." He said and I felt my heart sink. Sentences that began with 'look' were always bad. "I'm gay." He said. "Oh." "Yeah. You are very pretty but I don't really like boobs, you know?" "I see. So if I were a guy you'd go out with me?" I asked. "Sure. You're pretty cute and I love your eyes but don't undergo a sex change because of me. I like men, not women." "I won't. But can I have the number?" "Yes. You have your phone?" I gave it to him and he saved his number. When he handed it back to me his finger brushed mine and it almost felt like an electrical jolt to me. "Thanks. And see you around." I said and he waved. At home my parents just asked if I had a good time and I nodded. Sometimes I wondered if they forgot that I was still a boy under all the clothes and that I was gay. If I had never become Lisa they'd have had a very hard time with me liking boys but now it was normal for them. I dreamed of Ray that night. Also of Frank and I woke up once shivering and sweating. But then I thought of Ray and fell asleep again, dreamed of him more and in the morning I woke up and found that I had cum in my sleep. I put on new sheets and hid the dirty ones in the closet, knowing that my mother would probably freak if she found that proof of my manhood. I think if she'd found blood she would have just accepted that I had gotten my period. For some reason the short time I had spent with Ray changed so much. He hadn't really said much, had just saved me and walked me home but something in me changed. I realized how screwed up our family was, how screwed up I was and wondered what I could do to make things right. When I had made that decision to become Lisa I was only six but now I was almost an adult and still living the life of my dead sister. My parents just expected me to go to Harvard, to become a lawyer and marry a wonderful man. That's what Lisa would have done if she hadn't died. I was really troubled and didn't know what to do. When I went to school all my friends came rushing to me, asked what happened yesterday. "Nothing." I said but they wanted details and so I gave them the story of the date, even the kissing in the park but otherwise nothing. Frank didn't come to school that day and I was glad about that. When he appeared again he had a bruised face and walked slowly. Everyone was concerned, asked him what had happened but he just mumbled something about a mugging. I was quiet but secretly I was pleased with the way he looked. Frank ignored me after that and I never gave him another look again. That night I called Ray and he laughed when he heard about Frank. I wanted to talk to him much longer but he said he was going out that night. He mentioned some gay club and I felt jealous even though I knew there was no reason to be. I was just some 'girl' that he saved and with his looks he could probably have every gay guy. But I decided to get myself a haircut and buy some stylish clothes for a guy. Right now my wardrobe only held women's clothes. Even my underwear. Everything. The next day was a Saturday and I should have gone to Melissa, one of my best friends but I told her I couldn't and went to the mall instead. I knew that there was a chance of walking into one my friends but I just hoped for the best. There was a good hair salon and I asked for a haircut that could go for both girls and boys. Not too long and not too short. The woman smiled and led me to one of the chairs. She was done after half an hour and I had to admit it looked very good. Right now with the girl's clothes and the make-up everyone would think of me as one but if I wore guys' clothes... I really wondered what I'd look like. I did see myself naked in the mirror and without make-up. That way I really looked like a guy but it was not the same. I then went to a shop where they sold good clothes and the clerk looked at me with a friendly smile, asked if I was looking for something for my father or boyfriend. "For me." I said and he hesitated. "Miss, we only have men's clothing." He said. "I know. I want three outfits. Two should be good enough to go out but not too flashy. One just casual. And some underwear, a jacket and shoes." "Oh... okay. I'll help you with the outfit..." He hesitated. "...Sir?" I laughed. "I'm Sam." "Okay." He still looked a little unsure but helped me choose some good stuff and I left the shop with a good chunk less on my bank account and several bags. I felt really good but knew that my parents wouldn't be too happy about it. So I put the clothes in bags from different shops and then went home. At home I hid the new clothes and watched a movie and that was when I realized that men and women moved differently. I had unconsciously picked up the mannerism of all my girlfriends since I hung out with them most of the time. But Ray had said he wanted a man, not a man that acted like a woman and so I tried walking and moving in front of the mirror, copying the guys in the movie. I felt a little foolish doing that but the thought of Ray was enough to motivate me. I exercised the whole week but still walked 'normally' at school. I was still the girl, Sam and that wasn't going to change at school. And if I was going to become a guy I could do that in college where no one knew me. By Thursday I was really nervous and when Friday came I was practically shivering with excitement. At home I checked the address of the club and then I realized that they didn't let anyone inside who was under eighteen. "Shit." I muttered and wondered what to do. Fake ID? Charm the guy at the door? Try to sneak inside? The fake ID seemed like the best idea but how did I get one within just a few hours? Then I remembered Lisa's ID. We looked pretty much the same. No, that wouldn't work either. She was twelve years older and would they let women inside? "Shit." I said again. Charming the doorman? I wasn't sure how to do that. What if he was straight? In the end I decided to go, try it and just be honest. Maybe he'd take pity on me and let me inside if I promised not to drink anything except for juice or water. I left the house with a dress and went to a public toilet. I sneaked into the men's bathroom and was glad that no one was there. There I put the tight jeans and the shirt on I'd bought. For underwear I'd chosen the briefs because the boxers felt so free and I was not used to that. I was pleased with the way I looked. Very, very different from usual with no make-up and the clothes. It was like a different person. "Who're you?" I asked the mirror. "Samuel Collins." It answered and I thought I needed to get to know Samuel Collins, that stranger who wasn't me. The thought was weird and I wondered if I had a split personality or something. I slightly changed the way I walked and put the girls' clothes in a locker and then drove to the club. I was really nervous, had no idea if I'd even get inside and wondered if Ray would be there. When I arrived it was nine o'clock. The club was in an old brick-house and two men stood at the door. I felt my heart sink when I saw how big and mean one of them looked. "Hi." The big one said. "Hi. I'm Samuel." He chuckled. "Nice to meet you. I'm Marshall, the doorman. Usually people don't introduce themselves to the doorman." The other man laughed too as he let two other guys inside. "Yes. Well, the thing is, I'm seventeen." I said. "That's also something you shouldn't tell me." "I know. But I didn't have enough time to get a fake ID." He laughed. "Alright. You want inside, huh?" "Yes." "And why should I let you inside?" "Err, I'm kind of trying to get someone to notice me." "Now you have my interest. Whom?" "Ray." "Oh." He smiled. "Don't fall for him, kid. He doesn't fall in love." "Why?" "He's one of those guys that can sleep with anyone but never more than once." "I see." I suddenly felt foolish to even try to get closer to Ray. Why did I even come here? I wanted to slap myself and just go home. "But if that's what you want you can go inside." The doorman said. "I..." I hesitated. I didn't want to just be number 174 or so out of the hundreds of people Ray slept with. But maybe, maybe it would be worth it? I knew that if I did sleep with him I'd get hurt. I knew the doorman didn't lie and I wasn't disillusioned to think that maybe I'd be the one that finally made Ray settle down. But one night with him? "I don't know." I finally said. "You're a good kid. I'll let you inside. Maybe you'll meet someone who's not like Ray. Hell, if I were a few years younger I'd ask you out myself. You're really cute." I smiled at the man who looked so mean but was really nice. "Thank you." I paid for the entry and he made me promise not to drink anything alcoholic. I did and then walked inside. The music was loud but good, there were flashing, colourful lights, a bar, people on the dance floor, people talking and drinking in the few seats that were in one of the corners... it was pretty much like the clubs I'd gone until now just that the people were a little older and that there were guys dancing with guys. It was something I'd never seen and I was fascinated by it, I wanted that and I wished I had a boyfriend. "Hi." I flinched when someone put his arm around my shoulder. A big man looked at me with leering eyes. "Err, I'm going to the bar." I said and tried to get away from him. "I'll buy you a drink." He said, his hand somehow touched my ass. "No thanks." I said with a firmer voice and sat on one of the bar stools. "Hi." A young, friendly looking guy said. "What would you like to drink?" "Just some juice, please." "Apple, orange, cranberry or something else?" "Err..." "I can mix you something good without any alcohol." "Yeah, that would be nice." I said. "Good." He smiled at me and I watched as he mixed several juices and put some ice in it. "That's for you." "Thanks. How much is this?" "First drink for cute guys is free." He said, winked and went to make another drink for some other guy. I took a sip and a "wow" escaped my lips. It was wonderful and the bartender who'd heard smiled at me. I then turned around to watch the crowd. I could see that there were different kinds of people in this club. There were the cute, smooth guys like me, wearing tight shirts, tight jeans. Then there were the more built guys. Some were trying to pick up the twinks and others trying to pick up equally built or even more built guys. There were couples that looked like they were totally in love and there were the social butterflies that came inside and were greeted by everyone. Just then I heard a few guys cheer and yell at someone. I turned to the door and my heart almost stopped. Ray came walking inside, laughing his amazing smile, at his side two other guys who were almost equally stunning. I watched how Ray greeted almost everyone, joked with the guys and then came to the bar. I wasn't sure if I should try to hide myself and in the end I was just staring at him while he came to order drinks. "Hi Tyler." He said and the bartender greeted him. "The usual?" He asked. "Sure." Ray said and then looked at me. "Hi." "Hi. I'm Samuel." "Nice to meet you. First time here?" "That's right." "Well, take care of yourself or you might get kidnapped by someone. You're cute." "You mean like you." Tyler, the bartender said and Ray grinned. "Yeah. I wouldn't mind taking someone like Samuel..." He suddenly frowned and looked at me. "Do I know you?" "Err..." "That's not a pickup-line. I just feel like we met before..." He looked at my face intensely. I quickly took a sip from my drink and tried to stop my racing heart. "Geez. I can't remember. You want to join me and my friends?" He finally asked. "Sure." "As he said..." Tyler said before I got up. "Take care of guys like Ray." I nodded and thanked him again for the drink. Ray introduced me to his friends but somehow new guys kept coming and going there was no way I could remember all their names. They all seemed very friendly and easy-going. Several guys commented on my looks or hinted at Ray and me spending the coming night together. "Don't go out alone at night." Another guy said. "Or you might just be raped by horny guys." "Oh, fuck me!" Ray said loudly. "You're Sam!" "No shit." His friends said and laughed. "No. I mean... oh my gosh. We really met before! Sam!" "Yeah." I just said while his friends looked confused. "You're right." Ray said to his friend. "This guy has to be careful at night. I saved him a couple of weeks ago from some stupid rapist." "Oh wow. I bet you beat the shit out of him." His friend said. "Yeah. But Sam... are you some kind of tranny?" Ray asked me and everyone stared at me. "Tranny?" Someone asked. "Yeah. The Sam I saved was a girl. Very pretty girl I have to say." "Oh. Well, everyone has his own hobbies." "It's not exactly a hobby. There are reasons for it." I said. "It's alright. No need to tell us." Ray said with a big grin. "But I have to tell you guys..." He made a dramatic pause. "Sam looks gorgeous with mascara and eyeliner. His eyes... whew, they're the killer." "Yeah, I can imagine." One of them said. The hours went by incredibly fast and I really liked Ray's friends. One of the guys asked me to dance and I agreed since I really liked dancing. But I only knew how to dance like a girl, to move my hips sexily and I knew I was pretty good at it. But it wasn't how men danced. "I don't know if..." I said to the guy, Marcus. "You can't dance?" He asked with a friendly smile. "I can. Just not like a guy." I think I blushed. "That's okay. I want to see how you dance." "Okay." I nodded and let the beat of the music flow through my body and then looked at Marcus. I smiled and let go, let go of the control of my body, just let it go with the music, the rhythm and the beat. After two songs I felt a tap on my shoulder and another of Ray's friends wanted to dance with me. I gave Marcus a kiss on his cheek and turned to the other guy. "You're amazing." He said. "Thanks." I replied and moved, danced like there was no tomorrow. After two songs I felt another tap on my shoulder and smiled when I saw another one of Ray's friends. I didn't count how many guys I danced with but I had the greatest time in my life. I absolutely loved it. The guys were all friendly, not too touchy and I really appreciated that. After maybe an hour, maybe two, I felt another tap and my heart fluttered when I saw it was Ray. I gave the guy I'd danced with a kiss and turned to Ray. And just then the music became more sensual, not a real slow dance but less fast than before. My dance changed with the music and Ray leaned a little closer. His wonderful smell filled my nose and I once again felt his amazingly warm body. For some reason the heat of his body made me feel good and wasn't like others who made me flinch. "You want to come to my house?" He asked with a low, sexy voice. "I live alone." "I don't sleep with anyone on the first date." I said, repeating the words I had told Frank. "If you want someone to share a bed with tonight you better go look for someone else." "Too bad." He said with a smile. "So, this wasn't a date, right?" "Yeah." "You want to go on one?" "I... guess." "Sweet. But the offer to come over to my house is always open." "Thanks." We didn't talk after that and Ray didn't go to look for someone to share his bed with. For some reason that made me insanely happy. After the sensual dance came a real slow dance and my heart began to race when Ray slowly put his hands around my back. His big, warm hands felt amazing on the small of my back and I put my arms around his neck. We moved slowly, me looking up in his eyes, he looked down into my eyes and I felt myself getting lost, I wanted, almost craved to go home with him. My body screamed at me, told me to agree but I didn't. I just enjoyed the wonderful dance and one more until it was getting late and I knew it was time for me to go home. "I'll bring you home." Ray said and his friends all looked at each other. Ray laughed at them. "I said I'd bring him home. Not take him to my home." "Yeah, whatever." One of them grumbled but his eyes twinkled. We left the club together and the doorman, Marshall looked at me with a smile. "You had a good time?" He asked. "Yes. Wonderful. Thank you so much." "You're welcome. I heard you're quite the dancer." "Err..." He laughed. "We could make a lot of money together. I'll make everyone pay money who wants to dance with you. You could be rich." "Hey." Ray protested with a smile. "If anyone gets to be his pimp it should be me." "No. You'd just take him yourself." "Geez." They both laughed and I blushed. "Well, have a good night." Marshall said. "Not together, sadly." Ray said. "Oh? Well, that's... new." "Yeah." Ray shrugged. "Got to bring him home safely. Have a good night yourself." "Sure. Bye. See you around, Samuel." "You too. Bye." I said. I really liked the guy. "How old are you?" Ray asked me. "Seventeen." "And he let you inside?" "Yeah." "What did you tell him?" "Err... that I didn't have the time to get a fake ID." Ray chuckled. "Okay. I'm nineteen, by the way. You're still in high school, right?" "Yeah." "Senior?" "Yeah." "Cool." "You?" "I'm working right now, saving money for college." "Construction work?" I asked. "No. Mechanic." "Good." I sighed of relief. "What? You don't like construction workers?" "Not really. I'll tell you another time." "Okay." He nodded but then looked at me with those intense eyes. "Tell me that no construction worker tried to rape you." "No." I smiled. "Nothing like that." "Good. Hey, where are you going?" "I need to go the train station and change into my girls clothes." I explained. "Why? Oh shit, your parents want you to be a girl?" "Err, it's part of the same story that I'm telling you another time." "Okay." He sighed but then grinned. "So, I've been wondering, how many dates does it take to make you put out?" I didn't like that question. It really reminded me of how I was just another guy in the line of guys that Ray fucked. And it also sounded like what Frank had asked me. "Three, maybe more." I just said. "I see." "Frank... the guy you beat to a pulp... he said I was a cock tease." "Are you?" "I'm not sure. I mean I usually just go on one or two dates with a guy. And they have no idea that I'm not a girl." "Oh shit. You're a virgin." Ray looked at me with wide eyes. "Err..." "It's okay. Nothing against virgins." "Yeah." We walked to the locker where I had my clothes and then went to the bathroom. I went inside, changed the clothes and put on just a little bit of mascara and eyeliner. "Whoa." Ray said when I walked outside. "It's like two different people." "Yeah." "But you really look good as a girl even though I like the guy version better." I smiled and he walked me the rest of the way home. "So, you want to do something together? Next week?" He then asked me. "Sure." "Cool." He smiled. "I'll call you." "Bye." I said. "Don't I get a kiss like all the others?" He asked with a mock pout. "Sorry." I smiled at him. And then I moved closer to kiss his cheek but he turned his face and my lips touched his. I was too surprised to do anything but he just softly caressed my neck with his hand and then pulled back. "Good night." He said. "Good night." I managed to say but it was more a whisper. He smiled at me one last time and I went inside. My parents were already in bed and I was glad that they gave me a lot of freedom, like they'd given Lisa. That night in bed I couldn't fall asleep. I just lay there, thought back to the amazing night I'd had. That had been me. Samuel, a guy in a gay club. No one had treated me like a woman. Everyone had been friendly, nice and kind. And I couldn't remember the last time I'd had so much fun. But Ray was everywhere in my head. Ray, the guy who never slept with anyone more than once. I knew I had exactly two options. The first one was to be friends with Ray, get to know him, hang out with him, go to the club and maybe look for another guy and never sleep with him. I knew that would be really, really hard to do and I'd be the stupid cock tease that Frank had said I was. The second option was to go on a few dates with Ray, as few as possible, sleep with him and then get the hell away from him. Because I just knew that once I slept with him I could never go back to being friends with him. It would hurt too much. I would have to smile, to laugh and talk and joke while thinking that I could never have him again. I had no idea what to do. We were going on a date next week and I probably wouldn't stand a chance against his charms. He was just too amazing, too handsome, too sexy, too much fun, too kind and nice, too tempting. So it would probably be the second. Ending up in Ray's bed and then never see him again. ^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v "Where have you been this weekend?" Melissa asked me. "I called you but your parents said you were out." "Yeah. I went to a club..." I said and she grinned. "And?" She asked. "I met someone." "Oh, is he good looking?" "Absolutely gorgeous." She squealed and grinned back at me. "Tell me more." And so I told her almost all the details, leaving out of course the fact that Ray was gay but she looked satisfied with the way I described his looks. "Tall." I said. Being tall was always important. "Like six feet. Muscles but not body builder like." "Hmm, sounds good. Go on." She said. "I really like his arms. They're so strong. And his body is hot. I mean, not just hot. He is damn hot. But also his temperature. Hot, hot, hot." "Ooooh, that's good." She wiggled her eyebrows. "Yes. Then, short, dark hair, green eyes. Like really amazing." "Wow." "Yeah. And his lips are soft..." So amazing, I thought. Even though the kiss had surprised me it had given me plenty to dream about. "So you kissed. What else?" She asked me. "We danced." I said. "Oh, that's good. Slow dance?" "Yeah." "Great. What else?" "We're going on a date next week." She squealed again. "Wonderful!" "Yeah." "Hey, Sam, you don't look too happy." She said and lifted my face with her finger under my chin. "He's..." "What?" She asked. "He's a player. Like really, really." "So?" "He never sleeps with the same person twice." "Oh geez." She rubbed her forehead with her hand. "Leave it to the virgin to fall for someone like that." "Yeah." "You totally fell, right?" "Yeah." "Oh, Sammy." She said and hugged me. Melissa was a very touchy feely person and at first that had bothered me but I sort of got used to her touch. I still didn't like others to touch me but she was alright. "Maybe he'll fall for you, too?" She said. "You're the prettiest girl around here." "I don't know..." "Just don't lose your spirit. And maybe we can exercise a little." "What do you mean?" Melissa just grinned. "Come over to my house tonight. I'll invite all the girls and then we'll party." "Okay." I said, wondering what the hell she meant by exercising but I always loved our 'girl-parties'. The day went by really fast and around noon I received an SMS from Ray, asking if tomorrow was good. Mariah noticed it and soon all the girls knew about Ray. They all said I had to take a picture of him and I agreed to take one. After school I called my parents to tell them I'd stay the night at Melissa's and they just told me to have fun. Melissa was my closest friend but we had our circle of good-looking, popular girls and were eight girls so having one of our parties was always a lot of fun. There were also our heartbreak-parties where we watched sad movies and ate chocolate and ice cream when one of the girls got dumped by her boyfriend but usually it was the other way around and most of our parties were full of laughing. "So..." Melissa said when we were all in her big room on her bed or couch. "Our virgin-Sammy is finally going to be an adult." The others cheered and I blushed. "And we, her more experienced friends need to teach her some tricks. I have prepared some toys where Sam can exercise." She pulled a dildo out from under her cushion. "Err, this wasn't in your... you know?" I asked and they all laughed. "No. This is new and for you." Mariah said. "Wow. Thank you." I took the dildo and looked at it. It looked very real and was about average sized, meaning bigger than mine. It felt quite good and I felt myself getting hard. Luckily I wore very tight panties. "So, we all have our own and to make it a little more fun we have this!" Kelly put several bottles on the bed. They were toppings for ice cream. Caramel, chocolate and strawberry. "Let the fun begin." Melissa said and nodded at Leila. Leila grinned, grabbed the chocolate topping and slowly put it on her dildo. And then she began to lick at it, licked the chocolate away, took the head in her mouth and slowly bobbed up and down on it. Melissa moderated the whole time and some of her comments were really funny and we all had to laugh while Leila tried her best to stay serious and concentrated. Kelly was next and so all the girls showed me their tricks, with Melissa and Kelly as moderators. I noticed that neither one of them deep throated their dildos, they all just took a mouthful, used their tongue a lot and massaged the rest with their hands. I had read enough on the net to know that it was possible to take all of it and was determined to do that. If I ended up sleeping with Ray, which I was pretty sure of, I wanted to be the best. "Okay, it's your turn now." Melissa said. I took two bottles, chocolate and strawberry and began to decorate the dildo with the two toppings. "Oooh, that's nice." Melissa said and giggled. "Sometimes I wish I had one." "Yeah. Dicks are much easier to please than vaginas." Jess agreed and they continued to compare the two while I thought that the ass would probably be pretty good, too. I took a tentative lick at the dick and the chocolate-strawberry mix tasted wonderful. I thought of Ray, imagined this dildo being his dick and licked more, tried all the tricks the girls had showed me, licking the underside, tickling the head, I took the head in my mouth and closed my eyes. I almost saw Ray standing there, his hands on my head, just going through my hair - the girls liked the new haircut - and sucked more into my mouth. I bobbed up and down on the dildo, got more and more into my mouth, thought of the annoying gag reflex, drew back just as I felt it and then tried again and I opened my mouth even more and suddenly I had the whole thing in my mouth and my throat. I stayed like this a few seconds and then pulled back, tried it again and really enjoyed it, still thinking of Ray when I suddenly heard: "Oh shit." With the head of the dildo still in my mouth I opened my eyes and noticed the girls looking at me. I blushed and put the dildo down. They were all staring at me with big eyes. "You're a natural." Mariah said. "Yeah. How did you do that?" Katie asked. "Err... I was just thinking of Ray..." I mumbled. "Girl, you got it bad." Melissa said. "But you're amazing. I bet he'll get addicted to your mouth." She grinned and the others laughed. I smiled but thought that Ray surely had had many people deep throat him. The rest of the night we talked, giggled, exchanged the weekly gossip and only went to sleep after midnight. We all skipped the first hour and instead were all in Melissa's room, getting ready for the day meaning a shower, new clothes and make-up. I listened to the teachers at school since I couldn't ever slack off but I occasionally exchanged notes with Melissa and I was really looking forward to my date with Ray. I went home after school and took off most of my make up. The rest would have to go in the men's bathroom at the train station. I went there early, put on the casual set of clothes I'd bought and made a mental note to go to a Laundromat sometime to get my men's clothes washed. Ray and I met a little later and he greeted me with a big smile. "You up for some action?" He asked. "Sure." "Cool." We went to a go-kart place and I thought that this was new. I'd gone on many dates, usually the guys took me to dinner, to the movies, to the lake... stuff like that. But no one had taken me here. Ray paid and even though I was used to guys paying at a date I wanted this to be different. On this date I wasn't a girl, we were both guys and even though he was the one with more experience, the taller and stronger one, I wanted it to be equal. The first round he totally beat me. But I soon got the hang of it and it was very close the second time. The third time I gave it my everything and finally beat him. After a look at the clock I realized that we'd been there for an hour but if felt more like twenty minutes or so. Time always passed too fast when having fun. We went to get ice cream afterwards and I blushed a little, thinking back to the exercising at Melissa's. "I was wondering..." Ray began and I knew that now there would be questions. "Are you a girl at school?" "Yes." "And no one knows?" "Yes." "Wow. That's... weird. So you have many girlfriends and you're like talking about guys?" "Yes. I always was better at being friends with girls. Probably because there wasn't the danger of becoming attracted to them." "Yeah, I can understand that. But girls can be really annoying. I don't have many female friends. They always end up coming on to me." I laughed. "I can understand that. You're really handsome." "Says the guy who charmed the whole club." "I did?" "Sure did. I'm sure that everyone of them wanted to take you home that night and there were some broken hearts." "No way." "Yes. I heard some other twinks talk. Oh, never mind. You're getting ready to go to college, right?" "Yes." "You're not very talkative today." "Sorry. I'm just... nervous I guess. I've never been on a date as a guy and it's different. Good different. Err, college... I'm applying for Harvard." "Oh shit. You also have the brains. Tell me you're not the top of the year." "Can't." "Oh shit. You're like... perfect? How's that possible? You can dance, you're incredibly cute, you're charming, you're smart. Are you good at sports?" "I'm a gymnast." "Geez. Hey, how can you hide your stuff when you're in one of those small, tight thingies?" I grinned. "Well..." "Oh, I see. It's really, really small, huh?" "Yeah." "Too bad." "Uh huh. No, I can't brag with it but honestly I'm glad about it or I could have never hidden the fact that I wasn't a girl. And we're allowed to wear very short pants over those tight thingies." He chuckled. "And they're not too tight and I'm err..." I blushed as I thought of the panties I usually wore. "Let's talk about college." Ray laughed. "Yeah, good idea. So, you're going to study law or something else?" "Law." "You like that court stuff?" "I..." I frowned. "I'm not sure." "You mean you're going to study something you don't like?" "Yes. I have to... I mean..." I suddenly felt uncomfortable. My family really was screwed up, I thought. "I decided to study law when I was six." I finally said. "So you're saving for college. When do you start and what do you want to study?" "I'm trying to apply for the coming summer, I still have almost a year's time and I want to major in engineering." "Wow. That's amazing." "Well, it's what I like and what I'm best at. The last year has given me a lot of knowledge even though it was hard." "Why?" "My parents, they didn't like the fact that I was gay." "They disowned you?" "Sort of. They let me stay until I was eighteen and then said goodbye." "That's sad." "Yeah. It happens way too often. But I still don't get your family. Your parents want you to be a girl? I mean, that's not really normal and I just don't get it." I nodded, knowing that I couldn't avoid the question any longer. "You're right. Our family is screwed up and the crazy thing is I never really thought about it. I just took it as it was but then I met you and for some reason I started thinking about my parents. And Lisa." "Who's Lisa?" "My sister... me, kind of." I told him how perfect she had been, how she'd died protecting me and how I'd come to the realization I had to become her. "That's... really weird." Ray finally said. "I guess. But I've been thinking about it and you know my parents are happy that I'm dating guys. I mean they know I'm still Samuel but they don't think of me as a guy. If I grew up as a boy they'd probably kick me out if they found out I was dating guys." "That's..." Ray shook his head. "And there's another thing I remembered lately. When Lisa died, she told me to be a good boy. I wasn't. I was a good girl." For some reason tears filled my eyes but I managed to stop them. Ray put his hand on my shoulder and I looked at him. "I'm sorry. It's just... I never told anyone." "It's okay." "Thanks for listening. I think I really needed that." "Yes. I'll always be there if you need someone to talk to." "Thanks." "I wonder how many times you thanked me in the time we've known each other." I laughed and went back to eating ice cream. Most of it was molten in the cup but it was still good. "You know, girls can be really dirty." I said. "What do you mean?" "Well, guys always think they're the dirty ones when talking about women and stuff like that. But girls can be worse. I know all the details of my friends' sex-lives and... that thought just popped up. Sorry, I'm talking nonsense." Ray laughed. "I like you talking nonsense. But you're blushing. You haven't told me everything." I looked at him with a startled expression. "Err..." Ray's eyes twinkled. "Tell me." "Nope." "Please." "Nope." "I'll tell you something, too." "Hmm, okay. Geez, this is embarrassing." "You can ask me anything afterwards and I promise I'll be honest." "Okay. Well, yesterday... I told Melissa, my best friend about you and she said we needed one of our girl-parties. Usually we just talk, watch movies, do photo shootings and stuff like that. But yesterday was special because after your SMS I had to tell them everything. So that night we were at Melissa's and she gave me a dildo." "Oh." "Yes. And they had toppings, ice cream toppings. And every one of them put them on their own dildo and they showed me tricks. It was actually really funny because two of the girls played moderator. And in the end it was my turn." "Oh fuck. What topping?" "Chocolate and strawberry." "Oh fuck." Ray said again and looked at me with a funny expression. "What?" I asked him. "You... oh shit. You can't just tell me stuff like that. I can't help imaging you now and it got me all excited." "Oh." "Yes, oh." "Sorry." "You don't have to be." He said and then he got that mischievous look. "As long as you show me the tricks you learned sometime." "Yes. Well, my question now. What did those twinks in the club say?" Ray chuckled. "Didn't forget that one, huh? It's just that there were those two guys. They go around, picking up guys and they're sort of competing. Sometimes it's fun to watch them throw themselves at guys but that night they were watching you and saying shit like you were some cheap whore and cock tease." That word made my stomach turn. I was really getting sick of that word. "I heard and just wanted to tell them they had no idea when two other guys you danced with talked to them. They weren't mean, they just told them clearly that they were just jealous and that you were the sweetest guy they'd met and definitely not a whore." I had no idea that I acted like a whore. I looked at Ray, suddenly unsure. "I'm not. I didn't want to... I was just... just having fun and..." "Sam, they were just jealous. And the two guys were right. You're the sweetest person." "I didn't..." "Sam." "Okay. Yes, just jealous." I told myself but I think I said it aloud because Ray chuckled. I came to really love that sound. Looking down I saw that all that was left of my ice cream was fluid and I put the cup down. Ray and I talked some more, nothing important, we had somehow talked about some serious stuff and after that it was lighter and we laughed a lot. I liked Ray more and more every minute and was getting scared of the feeling. We left the place and had dinner at a pizzeria. It was really good and I remembered that I had to take a picture of him. So I told him to smile and took out my phone but just as I pressed the button he made a grimace and it took me ten minutes before I had a good picture of him. He then said it was only fair that he had one of me and told me a joke that me laugh. But when he held his phone up for too long I realized he'd been filming. I shot him an angry look but he just grinned. We left the pizzeria much later and like before Ray walked me home after I had changed. "So, am I going to see you again?" He asked. "Yes." "Next Friday? We can go to the club and you can sleepover at my place. And then we spend Saturday somewhere nice." "Okay." "Sweet." Ray said and kissed me goodbye. I almost didn't want to let him go and this kiss lasted much longer then the first. It was amazing and after a while I felt his tongue, touching my lips, asking for entry and I opened my mouth. I almost became dizzy with the sensation, felt light headed, I don't remember if my eyes were open or closed, how I managed not to fall... Ray held me really close to him and I was harder than I'd ever been in my whole life. Ray pulled away first. "You need to go inside." He said while catching his breath. "Yes. Bye." "Bye Sam." ^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v The next day I had to tell my friends every single detail of the date and they all were sure that I'd soon be cured from virginity on Friday. I partly dreaded it and partly couldn't wait for it to finally be Friday. Ray was constantly on my mind and I just didn't know how I'd survive after the night we spent together. My dreams become more vivid, more real and I almost felt like I was going crazy. I was really worried that I'd become possessive and obsessed with Ray. I didn't want to be pathetic like that. I wanted him to remember me as a good guy and then continue my life while trying to get over him. It was really messing with my head that I was already planning the end when it hadn't even really started yet. I don't think my parents noticed anything. They were mostly just interested in my grades and that I did everything Lisa would have done. Finally Friday was there. Melissa wanted to come over to get me ready but I refused, saying that I needed to have some time alone because I was so nervous. She agreed but gave me some new tips of ways to apply eye shadow and then hugged me and wished me good luck. At home I told my parents I would be gone for the night and they just said that they wouldn't be home either until Sunday night. I thought that my friends and I would probably have the heartbreak-party for me on Saturday night and sighed when I left the house. I put on the last outfit I'd bought but just in case I also brought the casual clothes with me. When I finally saw Ray I couldn't stop myself from feeling incredibly happy and excited. "Hi Sam, are you hungry?" He asked. "Yes." "Cool." He led me to a restaurant and we had burgers while I told him a little about the week I'd had and he mentioned a guy who had totally screwed up at work and he had to get everything straightened. "I had to work until ten pm for three days!" He complained and I grinned. Not because I thought it was funny but because he looked so cute with his pout. After dinner we walked to the club since our tummies were really full and it was still early. It was beautiful, I watched the reddening leaves, how the wind made them dance and then I noticed Ray staring at me. I suddenly felt conscious and didn't know what to do with my hands. "What?" I finally asked. "You're really beautiful." He mumbled. I blushed. "I like your hair... with the wind..." He brushed a few strands out of my face and caressed my cheek. "And your eyes... Your lips..." His stare was intense, his words made me shiver and if we weren't outside I'd probably just let go, let him have his way with me... Ray pulled his gaze away and I smiled. We walked the rest of the way quietly but I felt very comfortable with the silence. It was peaceful and really nice. I had no idea what he was thinking but I was quivering inside when thinking of what was going to happen tonight. There was just no way that I could refuse him. And I didn't really want to refuse him. I smiled when I saw Marshall the doorman. "Samuel!" He said. "Nice to see you again." "You, too. How are you?" I asked. "Wonderful. So..." He leaned closer. "You really didn't go home together?" I laughed. "No. But tonight..." "Oh. I see. Well, take care. And have fun." He patted my back and the gesture was really gentle and caring. "Thank you." Ray had paid the entry and led me inside with his hand on the small of my back. Immediately there was a cheer, Ray greeted many guys and some that I hadn't met last week looked at me with curious expressions. Ray went to get our drinks and I sat down with his closest friends. They were doing small talk, drinking and made me feel really welcome. There was just something really open and nice about these guys. Ray came back and gave me a drink. I thanked him and took a sip. It was something similar like the last drink I'd had but there was something else... I wondered if there was alcohol in it but it was really great and I didn't want to look like a baby. I could see that Ray was often in the centre of attention as he told all kinds of stuff but he didn't ignore the others. He was just a very good conversationalist and I loved watching his lips move, his eyes dance and his hands making small gestures when he talked. "You're completely taken by him." The guy at my left said into my ear and I turned at him. "Yeah. I can't help it." I replied. "That's Ray." I nodded. "But don't worry. You must be special if he's taking you here after you spent a night together." He said. "We didn't." "Oh? Well, everyone thought that..." "He just brought me home." "I see. Well, just try not to fall too hard, kid. You're a sweet guy and no one wants you to get hurt like so many others." I smiled but it wasn't a happy one. "Too late." I said. "But you're really nice guys." "Geez. Well, give me a call if you want someone to talk or if you're looking for someone else. I can hook you up with some good guys and believe me, I know that many in here would love to be in Ray's place." He gave me a small piece of paper with his phone number. "Thanks... err... I can't really remember..." He chuckled. "Silas." "Thanks, Silas." I said and looked at him a little closer. He was older than Ray and me, maybe in his early twenties. His eyes were intense, he was tall, looked strong and had a handsome face. "You came with Ray and some other guy last Friday." I realized. "Yup, that's me. Mac is the other one but he couldn't come tonight." "I see." "So, may have the first dance of the night?" "Sure." I said. I looked at Ray for a second and he nodded with a smile. I took one more sip of my drink and then followed Silas to the dance floor where more and more people were dancing. Silas was a good dancer and I really enjoyed it. Sometime during the second song I suddenly realized that I had asked Ray for permission to dance with Silas. I looked up at him and he was watching me intently. I felt like he knew what was going on in my head but he didn't say anything. After the third song I felt the tap on my shoulder and I gave Silas the kiss. "Thanks." I whispered one last time and turned around to dance with the guy. Dancing helped me. It made me forget my worries, the music flowing through my body emptied my brain from anything disturbing and I just enjoyed hours of dancing, an occasional drink and more dancing. When once again there was a tap on my shoulder there stood a guy I didn't remember seeing but I didn't think much of it and just started dancing. Somehow we drifted away from where Ray and his friends sat and the guy's hands began to wander on my back, lower and lower until he was cupping my ass cheeks. I felt really uncomfortable and tried to pull his hands away but he just pulled me closer to him, making me feel really trapped. "Let me go." I tried to yell but we were near one of the music boxes and my yell was lost. "I have watched you the whole time." He said into my ear. "Let go! Please! Let go!" I said, wondering why the hell I was in such a situation once more. "I can see that you're just a whore." He said and I looked at him with tears in my eyes but he just grinned. "A whore and cock tease." Not that word again! "And I'm going to give you what you need." He said and pulled me even further away. No one gave us a second look and we were soon in some dark hallway that led to an emergency exit. "Let me go." I said once again. "No, you've been asking for it, shaking your ass at everyone but not giving it. Just teasing all the guys. I know you want cock." "No. Please. Let me go." I struggled but he was so much taller, so much stronger. I wasn't weak but he had me pinned against the wall, held my wrists with one hand and his body was pressed against mine, his other hand slipped into the back of my jeans and more tears ran down my cheeks. "I don't want this. Please, let me go." I sobbed but he just massaged my ass. "I know what you want, what you need. I'm going to give it to you good." "Oh god, please. Please, let me go." The guy wouldn't let go and so I did the only thing that I could still do. I bit him. His neck was too high but I was able to reach his right arm. He didn't even notice it at first but then I bit really hard, as hard as I could and I tasted blood in my mouth. "Ow!" He yelled and tried to pull his arm away but I wouldn't let go. He had to let go of my wrists to slap me with his left arm. It really stung and my ear was ringing but I didn't let go. He pulled back more and I brought my knee up and kicked his nuts as hard as I could. He groaned and when he went down I let his arm go. I spit out the blood and ran away from him but just before I reached the end of the hallway I bumped into someone and two hands grabbed me. "Let go!" I yelled and hit whoever was holding me. "Sam. Samuel. Sam!" I heard and looked up into Ray's concerned eyes. "Ray!" I said and then wept at his chest. He put his arms around my back and I held on to him, I cried and sobbed in his arms and felt so protected by him. "It's okay. Everything's okay." Ray mumbled with his comforting voice and I noticed Silas and another of Ray's friends standing there. "What happened?" Silas asked and then they saw the man on the ground. He was getting up, still holding his nuts. "That whore..." The man said and shot me a furious look. "He was just going to get what he was asking for with his..." Before he got any further Silas punched him in the face and the other guy punched him in his gut and then they grabbed his arms and brought him away. "You alright?" Ray asked after they were gone. I nodded, still clinging on to him. Ray caressed my back with soothing movements. I finally calmed down and Ray wiped away my tears with the thumb of his hand. "You want to go home?" He asked. "N... no. I don't want to ruin... your evening." I whispered. "Nonsense. We'll go to the bathroom and then we'll say goodnight to everyone, okay?" "O... okay." I said but I couldn't let go of him yet. I didn't know why I liked touching, feeling his body so much, maybe because of the heat, maybe because it was Ray. He waited a few more minutes and then led me to the bathroom where I washed my face. He then dried it tenderly with a paper towel and smiled. "That's better." "Thanks." "It's alright. Let's go say bye, okay?" "Yes." We walked back to where his friends sat and they all looked at me and I suddenly felt ashamed. Ray still had his arm around my back and that helped me to say goodbye. They all wished us a good night and we left. Outside Silas was talking to Marshall and when they saw us they smiled. "That guy's not getting in here anymore." Marshall said. "Don't stop coming here just because of him, okay?" "Yes. Thank you." "And Sam..." He grinned. "I hear you got sharp teeth and a good kick." "Just... self-defence." "Sure. Have a good night." "Thanks." I said. We then also said goodbye to Silas and went to Ray's apartment. We were both really quiet on the way but his arm never left me and I was glad for that. Ray lived in a small but very nice apartment. It had a balcony, one bedroom, a living room and kitchen that were joined and a bathroom. I really liked the warm feeling of it. "Nice. I like it." I finally said and Ray smiled. "Thanks. Are you tired?" I wondered if that was just a question to get me into bed but I really was tired. "Yes." "Okay. You can brush your teeth and use the toilet first. And just get into bed. If you don't want to share I can sleep on the couch." "No. Bed... together is okay." "Good." He smiled and I took the toothbrush from my bag and went to the bathroom. I saw that he had a bathtub and shower in one and thought that a bath would really feel good. But when I was done I just went to his bedroom, saw the king size bed, got rid of my clothes and slipped under the blanket. Before Ray was even near the bed I was already off in dreamland. ^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v I woke up when the heat that had been surrounding my body went away. A sleepy moan escaped my lips and I heard Ray's chuckle. "I'll be back." He said and I realized we'd been spooning in our sleep. I heard him use the bathroom and then how he rummaged in the kitchen. I dozed off again and the next time I opened my eyes I smelt coffee and bacon. "Hungry?" He asked. "Yeah." "Good." He motioned me to sit up and then he put the tray down on my legs. He got another one and got back into bed next to me. "Wow." I said. There was coffee, toast, bacon, scrambled eggs, butter, juice and a slice of an apple on the tray. "This is amazing." I could really get used to breakfast in bed, I thought. Ray smiled and we dug in. When we were done I helped Ray putting the dishes in the dishwasher. It was then that I noticed that we were both naked and I got a good look at his body. Ray had good definition and almost no fat on his body, he had more hair than me but his chest was smooth. There was a treasure tail that led to his cock and I gulped when I saw that it was as big soft as mine was when it was hard. His legs were strong just like his arms and when he turned around I could see his beautiful back and his firm butt. He knew I was checking him out and he used the opportunity to look at my body. I knew I had a decent body but my package looked so small compared to his and I blushed when he looked at it. But he just smiled and gave me a kiss. "You're beautiful." We then took separate showers and put clothes on because we were going out. Ray said he needed to go grocery shopping and had the idea that we cook lunch together. I liked that and so we were off. At home it was always my mother who went grocery shopping and she also did the cooking. But I had helped her often enough so that I was able to prepare a nice meal when my parents were out. I did enjoy cooking and was looking forward to doing it with Ray. "I'm sorry I just fell asleep." I said on the way to the store. He smiled. "You don't have to be. We were both exhausted and I was out within seconds just like you." "Okay. What are we cooking?" "I thought we could make spaghetti Bolognese or something like that. I don't mind." "Spaghetti sounds good. Maybe some salad... and dessert?" "Vanilla ice cream." He said and grinned at me. "With topping." "Exactly." It was fun shopping with him. He pushed the cart and we both put things in it, it was soon really full. I wanted to pay half of it but he said that most of the stuff was for him and we left with several bags. Back in his apartment he told me where everything belonged and we then started to prepare lunch. Staying in the kitchen with him, the two of us wearing aprons, cooking together, talking, laughing and tasting the food... it felt so right. I wanted the rest of my life to be like this. I wanted it so bad but I knew I only had today and so I tried to make the best of it. Occasionally Ray kissed my lips or my neck and I loved those quick kisses that were so innocent yet so promising. By noon the food was ready and we sat down at the table. It was really good and we both had seconds. After cleaning up we snuggled up on the couch, needing to relax after so much food. I felt wonderful in his arms. We talked softly and his voice was so tender that I could almost believe that I wasn't just one out of hundreds of other guys but someone he really was interested in. Somehow I ended up sitting between his legs, my back leaning against his chest and his hands were resting on my tummy. I can't remember what we talked about but sometime his fingers began to wander. He moved one of his hands up, caressed my abs and then brushed over my nipples through my shirt. I gasped. "Is this okay?" He asked me. "Yeah. Very okay." "Good." He kissed the back of my neck and his hands were soon all over my chest, then they slipped under my shirt and it felt even better, being able to feel his skin, his hot hands. A moan escaped my lips when he pinched one nipple, then the other and then both. My back arched a little and I felt that he was as excited as I was. I turned my head to kiss him and his lips tasted wonderful, I couldn't let go of them anymore and I turned my whole body around until I was lying on top of him. His hands now caressed my back and slowly worked their way to my pants. He cupped my ass cheeks, massaged them a little and then went up to my back again. It felt incredible and I wanted to be even closer to him, to feel his naked skin and tried to get his shirt off. He helped me by lifting his upper body and tensing his abs, which showed off the six-pack he had. My lips went back to his and we made out for a long time, both of us getting more and more excited. I was feeling lightheaded when Ray tried to sit up. I sat back on his lap and he slowly got up with his arms under my legs and my arms around his neck. He carried me into his bedroom and there he put me down on the bed and took off my pants, socks and briefs. His fingers never stopped caressing my body, his hands moved along my legs, my thighs and I shuddered with the sensation. I then nudged him and he complied by lying down next to me. I pulled down his pants and when he was naked in front of me I once again stared at the massive tool between his legs. Now that it was hard it was much bigger, longer and fatter than the dildo and I wondered it I would be able to take it all. My fingers were trembling as I touched it, tentatively. I looked up at Ray who was smiling and nodding at me, telling me to go ahead. I wrapped my fingers around it, slid them slowly up and down and was happy when I heard Ray moan. I then bent over, moved my lips closer to his cock and looked up at his eyes again. They were full of lust and his lips were half open. I kissed the head of it, thought of the tricks the girls had taught me and then began to lick it, I licked and nipped at the head, I slowly ran my tongue at the underside of it, delighted with the reaction it got me and then I took the head in my mouth, sucked on it, enjoyed the way it filled my mouth. "Oh, that's so good." Ray moaned and I started bobbing up and down on his cock, tried to get more of it inside me, tried to let it into my throat just like the dildo. It wasn't easy and I used a lot of tongue, I used my hand, I used my lips while I tried again and again and then it was all the way in. "Oh, baby. Sam, oh... so good. So amazing, Sammy." Ray's words were encouraging and I stayed a few seconds, then went up to gasp for air, to lick the head some more and then I went down again. I felt Ray's hands on my head, just playing with my hair, letting me take the lead and I felt amazing, it felt so good to make him feel good. I soon picked up speed, bobbed up and down faster and Ray moaned louder, his hips bucked, he tried to warn me and then he came. I pulled back but not completely. I wanted to taste it even though the girls that had tasted it had said it was disgusting. I wanted to know what it was like, Ray's semen and as he filled my mouth I swallowed, tasted it and thought that I could get used to it. It wasn't nearly as bad as the girls had said. When Ray came down from his orgasm he was panting. He pulled me up to him and kissed me hard, not minding the fact that he got some of his own spunk. "Oh my god, you're so good." He mumbled, kissed me again and caressed my back. "So good. So amazing. Did you exercise more than once?" "No." "Wow, you're so good. So good. Not everyone can do that." He kissed my lips one last time and then went down to my neck, my nipples, he turned me around so that I was lying on my back and the minutes that followed were amazing as he explored my body, kissing, licking, nibbling, sucking, touching, caressing, pinching lightly... I was in heaven and couldn't hold back very long when he finally touched my dick and played with it. I was whimpering and moaning the whole time but when I came I yelled, I yelled out his name and it was the most intense orgasm I'd ever had. We cuddled after that, hands lazily caressing and occasionally kissing. After maybe half an hour we were both hard again and continued our exploration. It took longer this time but was even more intense and we dozed off afterwards. And then I woke up to see him blowing me and we both came a third time. I felt drained after that and was a little surprised that Ray hadn't tried to fuck me. He had caressed my ass, had let his fingers wander into my crack but didn't try anything beyond that and I was glad about that because honestly I was scared of having his massive cock inside my ass. We were hungry and went to eat some of the leftovers and had some real ice cream for dessert. We took a shower together, watched a movie and then went back to bed. When I fell asleep I could honestly say that this was the best day in my entire life. ^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v Waking up brought me back to reality. This was it. My time with Ray was over. I crawled out of bed, away from Ray's warm body without him noticing. I put on my clothes, I watched his peaceful, sleeping face for a few minutes, wanted to go back, back into his arms but I knew that if I stayed he'd just tell me that this was the end. And I couldn't hear him say that. So I decided to go before he got the chance to dump me. I took a pen and wrote 'thank you' on a piece of paper. I put it on the cushion next to Ray, leant over to kiss his lips one last time and had to use all my willpower to pull away. I left his apartment quietly and tears were streaming down my cheeks. My heart screamed at me to go back, to beg him to have him for one more day, to kiss him and tell him 'I love you' but my brain said 'no'. For a second I wondered if I should have stayed with plan one, just being friends with him and never sleep with Ray but then I shook my head. This had been worth it. Yesterday was worth the heartbreak and the pain, it was worth the tears, it was worth everything. When I was home I ran in my room and collapsed on the bed, sobbing. I couldn't remember the last time I'd cried so hard. Maybe after Lisa had died but other than that... My heart was screaming in pain and I just wept and wept and let all the tears fall. Maybe an hour later I could hear my phone but I ignored it. I didn't care who called and then went to the bathroom to take a shower. When I looked into the mirror I saw how horrible I looked and decided to put on a lot of make-up to hide my swollen eyes and also because my parents would be home later. I remembered the clothes that were still in the locker at the train station but shrugged. My phone rang again and a little later there was a text message. I picked it up and saw that it was from Melissa who was asking how things had gone and where I was. I put it away and when I looked like Lisa again I sat listlessly on the chair and just stared outside. I felt cold, empty, sad, depressed, heartbroken and numb. It was windy outside and I watched the trees and the leaves for hours. In the early afternoon I finally got up, looked at the phone and saw that I had eight missed calls but I didn't look from whom they were because I feared that if even one was from Ray I'd become weak and call him back. There was another text message from Melissa and I decided to answer her. But it must have sounded bad because half an hour later Melissa was at the door. As soon as she saw me she just hugged me, pulled me close and told me everything would be okay. She had a box of chocolate and we sat on my bed, eating them and me trying to tell her about it. I let out the guy at the club and some details of the afternoon but it felt good to tell her and she listened, hugged me and comforted me. When I was done she hesitated a little. "You know, I don't want to get your hopes up for nothing but he's a little weird." "What do you mean?" I asked. "I mean, yes, he's apparently a player but maybe you are at least a little special to him. You told me that his friends were surprised he didn't take you home that first time after the club. And they were all surprised to see you with him again so that's definitely something he usually doesn't do." "Yes, but he just did that because I told him I wouldn't put out on the first date and I succumbed to his charms at the second one." "Well, yes but he went through a lot of trouble to get you. He didn't go to look for someone else the first night and he went on a date with you without sleeping with you and he spent two nights with you even though you just slept. I really can't imagine him going so far for all his one night stands." "Maybe he liked the challenge." I mumbled and Melissa sighed. "Maybe." I was glad that Melissa spent the evening with me. She managed to make think of other things for a while and I was thankful to her. My parents came home very late when I was already in bed. But I slept badly that night. ^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v I groaned when I looked into the mirror the next morning. I looked exactly like someone that just got his heart broken and I put on a lot of make-up to hide how bad I felt. My friends were all really nice to me and suggested a heartbreak-party. Melissa agreed but said to wait a little. The next day I felt even worse. I had thought that Monday was bad but Tuesday was so much worse. I almost hadn't eaten the day before but today I could barely drink a few sips of tea. I couldn't really listen in class and walked around like a zombie. Melissa was really worried and when my phone rang during lunch she asked who it was. "Probably Ray." I mumbled. "He's been calling you?" She asked. "Yes." "Geez, Sam. I think you should take the call. Maybe you're really special. I mean why would he call you?" "Don't know." "Come on, call him back." "I can't." I just said and took another sip from my tea. On Wednesday I felt dizzy and thought about staying home but then decided not to. That day was worse than Monday and Tuesday combined and I wondered how low I'd sink before things got better again. My friends were really worried about me eating nothing and looking horrible but I shrugged it off. After school Melissa was walking at my side as we left the areal. "Sam." I heard and at first I thought it was just my imagination or wishful thinking but then I heard Ray's voice again. I stopped and saw him, Melissa put her hand on my arm and suddenly everything went black. I wasn't sure how much time passed, probably just a few seconds but when I opened my eyes again I was lying on the ground. "Are you alright?" That beautiful, deep voice asked me and I noticed that Ray was holding my head. "I... guess..." I mumbled and then saw that there was a crowd around me - people asking what was wrong and if I needed help. "She barely ate since Sunday." Melissa said to Ray and I noticed that Ray had dark circles under his eyes. I lifted my hand and caressed his face, I couldn't stop myself and just then it didn't matter at all. "Stupid girl." Ray said and I was glad he didn't say 'stupid boy'. That would have definitely made Melissa wonder. "Let's get her home." Melissa said. "Not her home." Ray said. "We can go to my apartment. It's not very far and I have a car." "Okay." Melissa said and then looked at me. "Can you get up or do you need a little more time?" "I can..." I whispered and Ray helped me, held me with his strong hands when I got dizzy again and we got to his car. They put me in the back and Melissa sat next to me, holding me while I was trying to understand what was happening, why Ray was here, why he had those dark circles under his eyes and why I had fainted. Well, the last one was most probably because I'd eaten almost nothing but I didn't understand the rest. We were at his apartment within minutes and I thought back to the weekend, how amazing the time had been I spent here and how horrible I felt when I left. Ray and Melissa helped me upstairs and once in Ray's apartment they sat me down on the couch where we'd cuddled and made out. Ray went to the kitchen and cooked some water and opened the fridge. "I think you're special." Melissa whispered to me. "He obviously didn't sleep and he looks at you like... like you're really precious." "I... I don't want to hope and then find out that..." I blinked to stop the tears from coming. "I understand. But he really seems like a good guy. And he looks better in real." She smiled and I nodded. Ray came back a few minutes later with a tray. He handed me a mug with tea and I took a sip. It wasn't too hot and was very sweet. Next he made me eat some berries, some apple slices and a small cookie. He also offered some to Melissa but she declined. "You feel better now?" Ray asked me. "Yes." I nodded. "Good. Just lie down and finish your tea. You want to sleep in the bed?" "Couch is okay." I said and Ray nodded. I lay down and closed my eyes. I heard Melissa thanking Ray and then saying she had to go home. Ray said okay and the sound of the closing door was the last thing I heard. ^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v I didn't wake up on the couch. Ray must have carried me to the bed after I fell asleep. A look at the clock told me it was nine pm and I went outside. Ray was lying on the couch, listening to soft music. When he saw me he sat up and smiled. "Feel a little better?" "Yes. Thank you." "Do you want to eat some more?" "Yes, please." "Good. Sit down." He motioned to the table and I saw him put something in the microwave. A little later he put a plate in front of me with some lasagne. It smelled amazing and I dug in. Ray didn't eat. He just watched me without saying anything. I was too hungry to feel uncomfortable and just ate the wonderful lasagne. He filled my glass with water and when I was done eating I put the dishes in the dishwasher and then wondered what to do. "Why didn't you answer your phone?" Ray then asked and I leaned against the wall. "I was scared. And... I knew that I couldn't see you again." "Why? I can't understand why. Did I do something wrong? I've been asking myself that question the last days and I just couldn't... understand. Why were you scared?" "Because..." My heart beat faster now and I knew I couldn't lie to him when he looked at me with those tired yet intense eyes. "Because..." I whispered again. "... you never sleep twice with the same person. And..." I saw that my hands were trembling. "I couldn't see you again after that. It would hurt too much." "Oh." "I knew I was just one of many and..." "You're special." Ray said and my heart beat even faster. Did he really mean that? Could it really be true that he cared about me and that I was the one who made him... settle down? "I couldn't understand it but I really like you. Sam... it's true that I had this stupid rule and I didn't know you heard about it but I honestly never felt about anyone else like I feel about you. I want to protect you, hold you, make love to you, I feel like you need me and I feel like I need you. God, that all sounds so corny." He smiled a little. "I thought you didn't like the time we spent together. I thought I went to fast or made a mistake. I couldn't sleep, you didn't answer the phone and I just had to come and ask you for the reason. But I had no idea that you felt like that." He rubbed his temple like he had a headache. "Do you mean... that you like me too? That I'm special?" "You have no idea how special." I just said, thinking that we should make this some kitsch-movie with all those things we said. He smiled at me. "Come here?" He opened his arms and I walked to him and sat on his lap, our chests together and his face so close to mine. "I'm..." I whispered. "I'm in love..." It was the first time I ever said something like that. "With you." Ray didn't say anything. He just pulled me closer and kissed my lips tenderly. I took that as his answer and thought that I had to be the luckiest person on earth and then he shoved his tongue in my mouth and I stopped thinking altogether. ^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v "You're glowing." Mariah said. "Yeah, you're looking so much better." Jess agreed. "No heartbreak-party, huh?" Kelly asked. I smiled. "Nope." "That's so amazing. So... tell us more. Details. You stayed another night and you didn't even tell us about your first time!" Leila said. It was the evening after the night I spent with Ray. The night I confessed my love for him. Melissa had called my parents the day before to tell them I was staying with her. Now we were all sitting in her room and seven pairs of eyes were looking at me. "Alright." I said, knowing that they'd ask questions until their curiosity was stilled. "Last weekend I thought it would be the only time and there was that bitter-sweet taste to it but it was wonderful. We went to his apartment after the club but were both really tired. I think I fell asleep before he was done with his shower." "Aw, that's cute." Mariah giggled. "The next day was amazing. Really, really amazing." I said and my cheeks reddened. "We went grocery shopping first and then cooked lunch together. Oh, and I forgot to mention that he brought me breakfast in bed!" "Wow, he's a real gentleman." "Yeah. He really is. He's my hero." I thought and then realized I had said it aloud when the girl giggled. "You're the cutest. But now to the dirty bits." "Well, after lunch we cuddled on his couch and he began to caress my chest and we ended up making out and he carried me to bed and there..." I smiled. "We got naked and he was touching me everywhere. Then I made him lie down and I touched him everywhere. And I gave him a blowjob." "How big is he? Average? Bigger?" "Like the dildo plus maybe an inch in length and also quite a bit fatter." "Oh wow." Jess said. "And did you manage to get it all?" "Yes." I nodded. "And after he came he did the same... I mean, he sucked and licked my nipples and kissed me everywhere and made me come. And then we cuddled and half an hour later we did it again. And then we slept a little and when I woke up he used his tongue and we both came a third time." "Geez, you got yourself the perfect lover." Jess said. "My first time was with a guy that stuck it in, moved for two minutes, came and took it out." "Yeah, you're really lucky to have such a considerate lover." Melissa said. "But he didn't try to go the whole way?" "No. I guess he knew I was a little scared of how big he was." "And yesterday?" "Yesterday we just made out and went to bed early. I think he was worried that he went too fast." Mariah sighed. "You got yourself a keeper, there. Don't let him go." "I won't." I said and thought that if Ray ever got tired of me I'd probably be unable to survive. I didn't understand how I could love him so much after such a short time but I did. Maybe it was because it was the first love and he was my first in everything. I just knew I couldn't bear the thought of being without him. The rest of the week passed fast and on Friday it was time to go out again. The girls had hinted at coming to the club, too sometime but I managed to talk them out of it. But I wondered how much longer I could hide it. ^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v Ray kissed me as soon as he saw me, and neither of us cared if anyone stared at us. "How are you baby?" He asked and I loved the sound of that. Over a week had passed since that day I fainted and I'd spent several evenings with Ray. "I'm great. You?" "I'm ready for the weekend. This week was seriously stressful. And..." He glanced at me and grinned. "I'm horny." "What are you gonna do about it?" "Well, I thought I could try to seduce that cute guy with those big blue eyes... what do you think? Will it work?" "I'm pretty sure it will. Just kiss him and he'll be at your service." Ray chuckled and we went to eat dinner after we brought my bag to his apartment. My parents just nodded when I told them I'd be gone this weekend and I really came to wonder if they loved me at all. Probably not. We drove to the club and Marshall's eyes widened when he saw us approaching together. He pulled me a little to the side and talked in a quiet voice. "Kid, you either still didn't put out or you're damn good in bed so that he had to have seconds." I blushed. "Err..." "Oh, you're good in bed, huh?" "N... I... err... I don't know..." He laughed. "Just joking with you. You're a good kid, Sam and I'm glad to see you happy. You're good for him." "He's good for me." I said and he patted my back. Ray paid the entry and I made a mental note to pay the next time. He then put his arm on my back and when we entered the club it became quiet - or as quiet as it can get in a club. The music was still playing, there were still people dancing, some were still talking but a lot of the guys looked at us with wide eyes. "Damn." Someone said. "He made you settle down?" "Yup." Ray grinned. "He's mine. I'm his. We're together." "Wow." "That's weird." "All those broken hearts." "Seriously?" "How did you do that, Sam?" "That's so hard to believe." "Our player? Settle down?" "No more bets about who your next target will be." "What?" Ray asked and the guy looked guilty. "Oups." He said. "Bets? You bet on... oh my god, you dogs!" He said but laughed. I enjoyed the night in the club and was getting really comfortable with Ray's friends. I started to remember their names and got to know some of them better. And I was sure that as long as Ray and I were together we'd be here every Friday night. Ray encouraged me to dance with the guys since he knew I loved to dance so much but he did warn his friends not to grope me too much. I really had a good time, I got one more of Tyler's wonderful drinks but at the same time I was impatient to get home, err... Ray's apartment. I was sure that this was the day, it would finally happen and I felt excited as well as a little nervous, knowing how big he was but I trusted him enough to know that he wouldn't hurt me. Pretty soon I felt Ray's hand on my shoulder and I turned to dance with him. I did my best to turn him on, we locked eyes, I grinded my body against his and let my hands caress him behind his ears because last Saturday I had discovered how sensitive he was. "Oh... Sam..." He moaned. "You're making me so hot." "I want you so bad." I mumbled in his ear. "I want to make love to you." He said. "I want to see you naked on my bed with your legs spread." Now it was me who moaned and I was a little worried that I might come in my pants if he continued. "I want to see you take it all, I want to watch your face, I want to give you my babies." I could see the grin on his face. "Let's go home a little early?" I asked. "Yes. But maybe we should wait a little before we go over to them. I need to calm down first." "Yeah. Me, too." I said and stepped a little away from Ray. My hard-on was barely visible but his looked like it had every intention of splitting the seam of his pants. It took a few minutes but then Ray put his hand on my back, a gesture I really liked, and we went over to his friends. They all had knowing grins on their faces and wished us a good night. Marshall also grinned and gave me the thumbs up. "We have everyone's blessing." Ray said. "Yeah." "Let's go home." The drive felt way too long and we practically raced to his door. He opened it and once we were inside he turned around and pressed me against the wall and ravished my mouth. I didn't feel trapped and just opened my mouth to let his tongue inside. He explored my mouth and his hands caressed my sides. I moaned and tried to unbutton his shirt. At the same time Ray tried to get rid of mine, pulling it over my head and our lips stopped touching for a few seconds. But then he was back and I finally got his shirt off and felt his hot chest against mine. "Bed..." Ray mumbled. I just nodded and we sort of walked together to the bedroom, our lips still together. I laid down when I felt it and Ray climbed over me. He opened my pants and I lifted my hips so he could pull them off. He then first kissed my legs all over, licked my thighs, which made me shiver and then slowly pulled my briefs down. My hard dick slapped against my tummy and I fumbled with his pants but my fingers were trembling and Ray helped me and got rid of the rest of his clothes and lay down on me, our hard cocks rubbing against each other and he was kissing my ears and whispering beautiful words. "Please..." I whispered. "Hmm?" "Please, Ray. Make love to me." "Oh baby, you make me so hot." He moaned. "Ray, I want you... inside me." It was weird saying those things but it really felt good and I really wanted Ray, wanted to feel him, wanted to know what that big phallus of his would feel like inside me. "You sure?" He asked but I could see in his eyes how much he wanted this. "Yes. Please, Ray." "Tell me if it hurts too much." Ray said and then continued to caress my body, licking me everywhere, he kissed the tip of my cock, then my balls and wandered even lower. He grabbed one of the cushions and pushed it under my hips and I spread my legs, feeling a little conscious but Ray's hands were reassuring and gentle. And then I felt his tongue at my pucker and gasped. "Ray! Ooh..." He just licked more and I felt how he pushed the tip of his tongue inside me. "Ray... that's... dirty... why..." I wasn't able to talk normally and Ray looked up. "Everything about you is beautiful." He just said and then continued rimming me. I got lost in the sensations and didn't even notice when he grabbed the lube. I just suddenly felt something cool and then his finger was inside me. It felt weird and then he wiggled around, searching for that spot and suddenly I was seeing stars and I yelled out his name. "Like it?" He asked. "Yes, yes, yes. Please, Ray... I want you." "I want you too, baby. So bad..." He pushed another finger inside and started to stretch me, and then came a third finger. It did hurt but at the same time he was rubbing against that spot and pain and pleasure mixed together and I was a moaning and writhing mess. "Don't... tease me..." I managed to mumble. "Please... Ray... do it... aaaah..." "You ready?" He asked with a grin. "Yes, please, Ray." I almost yelled and that moment I didn't even realize how slutty I was acting, I just wanted him to fill me. "Okay. Tell me if it hurts, okay?" "Yes..." I said and then I felt something big press against my entrance and he slowly pushed the head in. The pain sent tears in my eyes and I winced. Ray looked concerned. "Are you okay?" He asked and stopped pushing. "You have the biggest part inside." "W... wait a little, please." I said and he nodded and kissed my lips tenderly. When I felt the pain decrease I nodded at him and he pushed more of his cock inside. After an inch or so he pulled back a little and then pushed forward again. He continued this motion until he was fully embedded inside my and I had never felt so full. "Okay?" He asked. "Yes. It feels... weird." He chuckled and that made his cock jump. He then pulled back and pushed in again, slowly, carefully and I felt the pain go away and when he changed the angle a little I cried out. "Oh... Ray... so good..." I moaned. "There, huh?" He mumbled, his breath ragged. "Yeah, ooh, Ray... mmmh... oh yes..." He was hitting that spot every time and I couldn't believe how good it felt. I lost myself in the bliss of the sensation, couldn't think straight, moans escaped my lips and I yelled out Ray's name. It wasn't too long before he picked up speed, pushed his cock harder and faster into me and I held on to him, met his thrusts and felt myself get closer to the edge. Suddenly my whole body was jerking and my semen spurted out, hit Ray's chest and mine and while I was in heaven I heard Ray yell my name, heard him groan and then he thrust inside me one more time, deeper than before and just stayed there and filled me with his seed. I was gasping and heard Ray's fast breath when I came down from that incredible and unbelievable orgasm, even better than when Ray just sucked me and I couldn't really believe that I'd come without touching my cock. Ray's cock slipped out and he lay at my side, his arms still around me. "That was amazing." He whispered. "You were so amazing." "You were..." I mumbled. "No, I love your hole, so tight and hot... And you're so beautiful, so needy... and you were begging me..." He chuckled. "That really turned me on." "I was..." I tried to get rid of the knot in my throat. "What?" "Nothing..." "Sam, what is it?" "I was..." I looked into his kind eyes. "I was acting like a slut, right?" Ray was quiet and then his lips twitched but he didn't smile. "Yeah. I loved that. And you're my slut, nobody else's." With that he pulled me even closer to him, kissed me and I closed my eyes and fell asleep. ^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v My ass was sore the next morning and when I went to the bathroom I was walking funny and I heard Ray chuckle. He was still half asleep, his eyes not completely open but he looked amused. I shot him an angry look and after relieving my bladder I climbed back into bed. "It's not funny." I mumbled as I snuggled closer to Ray and he put his arms around me." "I'm sorry. It just looked funny." "Mmh." I said and dozed off again in his arms where I felt safe. It was a little later when I felt his hard cock against my crack and I turned around. "I can't right now." "I know." He said. "It's just that holding you is making me hard." "I can blow you." "Oh, yes." He said and I went down on him and tried my best to make his start into the day a very pleasurable one. It didn't take him very long to cum and he returned the favour. He then went to take a shower, saying that it would take much longer if we took it together and I dozed another few minutes, still feeling the warmth. When he was done he came out with his hair still wet and a towel around his hips. He looked incredibly sexy. "Your turn." He said. I nodded and washed all the sticky stuff from me and when I came out I smelt pancakes. Ray was only wearing an apron and I wished I had a camera. "Take a seat." He said and we ate those amazing pancakes for breakfast. He really was a wonderful cook. We went to the mall in the afternoon and just kind of hung out and had fun when I saw my mother and froze. "What is it?" Ray asked. "There's my mom." I said. "Where?" "The one with the green blouse and blonde hair." Ray nodded and just then she looked over. I turned away and hoped she didn't notice. When I looked back she was looking elsewhere. "She didn't recognize you." Ray said and shook his head. "They only see me with girl's clothes and make-up." "But shouldn't she be able to recognize you? She's your mother." I just shrugged and we went to grab some donuts. I spent Sunday with my friends and they all wanted to meet Ray, only Melissa had seen him in real. Some of them had boyfriends and we decided to organize a get-together. We decided to have a barbeque in Melissa's backyard and her cousin who was coming to visit for the weekend had offered to cook for us. We were all excited about it and the girls were all looking forward to seeing Ray in real. Ray came to get me in the early afternoon and we drove to Melissa's house. Mariah opened the door and I could see how she checked Ray out, face - shoes - crotch - torso - legs - face again. She then smiled and took the offered hand. "Hi, Ray. I'm Mariah." "It's nice to meet you and thanks for the invitation." "Of course. Come in. Sam." She hugged me. "You got yourself a hunk." She whispered and I grinned at her. We then went to the backyard where Melissa came towards us and greeted us both with a hug. Jess and Leila were already there, too and I could see how they checked Ray out and I also noticed how their boyfriends frowned a little but they had nothing to be jealous of. Ray wouldn't ever try to snatch them away. Only then did I notice the guy who was standing at the grill. The last time I met Melissa's cousin Shawn was years ago. He was a thin guy and just waved at us. Soon the other girls arrived with boyfriends in tow. Melissa and Mariah were the only ones without one but that surely wasn't because there weren't enough offers. They were both really pretty and went on a lot of dates but were really picky. When everyone arrived we sat down and ate some of the snacks and Jess was the one to ask us how Ray and I had met. We looked at each other and his eyes told me to go ahead. "It was the night when I went out with Frank." I said and could see their interest. "Well, Frank was an ass. He was trying to force me to do something and then Ray was suddenly there and punched his lights out." "What?" Melissa demanded. "Why didn't you tell me?" "I'm sorry. I was just... ashamed by what happened." I mumbled and Ray put his hand on my back. "Geez, I didn't know he was such an asshole!" "Yeah. But Ray, you're a hero." Leila said. "I saw what Frank looked like." I could see that the girls were all in awe of Ray and Melissa's cousin then announced that the food was ready. There were grilled steaks and fish, vegetables and bread. It smelt really good and we had a great time together, talking, laughing and eating. I had to go to the bathroom after dessert but once I was inside Shawn cornered me. "You know..." He said and I felt uncomfortable. "I've always had a good sense. My alarm bells went off the first time I saw you. But you really had me confused today. I couldn't believe that my gaydar was wrong." "What are you talking about?" I asked. "I always thought you were a lesbian." "Huh?" "My gaydar told me you go for your own sex. And then today you come here with that hunk, obviously in love and so I have to wonder if my gaydar is wrong, right?" "I have no idea what you're talking about." I said and tried to get past him. "No? Well, I have you figured out. You're not really a girl, right?" He asked. "You're talking nonsense. Now go away." I pushed him to the side but then he suddenly grabbed my crotch and even if I wasn't very big I knew he could feel it. He grinned in triumph. "I knew it! I just knew. I wonder what Melissa will think about it. I bet she'll be disappointed to find out her best friend is a tranny." "You're not going to tell her anything." I said. "And why would I not?" "Does she know you're gay? Do your parents know?" He suddenly paled and I knew I had him. "I'm sure that Melissa would understand if I told her the reason. But I bet your parents wouldn't be too happy about it and I can get their phone number. So, let's just both be quiet, okay?" He looked angry and I wondered why he'd even tried to threaten me so I walked past him and to the bathroom. When I went outside again I looked at Ray and he just pulled me close to him and I felt immediately better. His warm body just felt like home, his strong arms seemed to protect me and I loved the feeling. He rested his chin on my head and I could see the girls grin at us. Our get-together went long into the night and Melissa offered us to stay but we declined and the girls all had knowing grins on their faces. Ray drove us back to his apartment and there I told him about Shawn. He smiled and said he didn't know I could blackmail someone like that and then made gentle love to me. It was one week later that I received a phone call from Shawn. He apologized for his actions and said that he was deeply in the closet. I felt sorry for him and from then on he often called for advice or just someone to listen to his worries. He was a good guy once I got to know him a little better and I was happy for him when he told me he met someone several weeks later. I spent almost all the weekends and some weeknights at Ray's apartment. We had gotten really comfortable around each other and I was happier than I had ever been. We also continued our Friday nights in the club and his friends were still in awe at his settling down but also happy for us. The day I realized that Ray was really serious about our relationship was when he mentioned the future. He said that there was no way he could get into Harvard but that there were several colleges where he wanted to go where there was also a good law school. "I don't think I want to study law after all." I said. "Lisa would have done that but thanks to you I've become myself again after all this time. I still don't really know what I want to do, but I want to go to college with you. My parents won't be happy but if I can get a scholarship..." "You'll get a full one with your grades." Ray said with a big smile and we went to research about the colleges he'd mentioned and I was happy with his decision and within weeks we applied for them. I hadn't decided on a major yet but often thought about it. I was interested in language, also in history and psychology but I wasn't sure where I saw myself in ten years. Hopefully in Ray's arms. Time passed very quickly and I could have graduated from high school in the winter but I decided to do one more semester because I wanted to graduate with my friends. But I got myself a part time job in a small coffee and earned a bit of money. I wasn't sure what my parents would do if they found out about me not going to Harvard and so I just saved up my allowance and the money I earned. On Valentines Day Ray took me out to a nice restaurant and then we went on a boat. It was cold but really romantic with the stars and the moon above us, and the lights of the city were reflected in the water. Later we went to a hotel and there we had champagne and then Ray did the most incredible thing. He offered me his ass. For months it had been him who fucked me and now he told me it was my turn. I was amazed and really turned on. I tried to make it good for both of us, tried not to come too fast but it was such an amazing feeling to be inside Ray's hot ass. Afterwards Ray made love to me once more, he changed our position several times and after all these months I'd gotten used to his cock and I loved it and there was something really nice about doing it in a hotel on Valentines Day. "I love you." I mumbled when I snuggled close to him and he pulled me even closer. "I love you more, Sam." He said and my eyes watered, hearing those words. For some reason I hadnà ⠬℠t had the courage to say those words again after the first time I said them and it was the first time hearing Ray say them. He caressed my back and I soon fell asleep in his arms. ^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v In spring we got notice from several colleges that offered us scholarships. We chose the one where I received a full one and Ray a very good scholarships. We would have to get a part time job but we could manage. Graduation was there before we realized it. The time had just passed too fast. My parents were there and maybe they were a little proud of me. But I was much more happy about Ray's presence. My name was called very soon but the principal said 'Samuel Collins' and when I walked to the stage I could hear whispers and also Melissa's questioning look. I also noticed my parents and it looked like it suddenly hit them that I was not Lisa, I was Samuel, their son, their son they never really loved because their first child, Lisa had been perfect. As soon as it was over I ran to Ray and he kissed me in front of everyone. We took pictures with our friends but I could feel that they were all a little confused about me. We had organized a party that evening and when we arrived Melissa pulled me aside. "Sam, what's going on?" She asked me. "I'm so sorry." I whispered. "I never... there's a reason... I mean..." "You really are a guy?" "Yes." "Sam, you have no idea how pissed I am." "I'm sorry." "Well, you're going to explain everything to me tomorrow but right now we're at a party and we'll have fun. But I expect a long explanation." "Yes." I said with a smile when I realized that even though she was angry she was willing to listen to me. I had a hangover the next morning but I woke up in Ray's arms in one of Melissa's guestrooms so it wasn't too bad. I had some extra clothes in my bag and decided to put them on and Melissa would see me for the first time as a guy. Ray smiled when he saw me dressed that way and we walked to the kitchen together. Melissa was up already and her eyes widened when she saw us. But she didn't say anything and just handed us two mugs with coffee. "Thanks." I said and she nodded. Just that moment Mariah came down with a sleepy face and when she saw me she stopped dead in her track. "Sam?" She asked and rubbed her eyes. "Yeah." "Geez, I think I'm dreaming. Can you pinch me?" She asked and I did. "Ouch. Okay, no dream. Shit, can I have some coffee, I think I'm seeing things." Melissa just nodded and handed her a mug. Then she looked at me and I knew she expected an explanation. And so I told her. I told her about my sister, how she had died and what conclusion I had come to. I told her about the move, about school and then finally Ray. When I was done I looked at her and hoped she would forgive me for keeping such a secret from her and I felt Ray's hand brush against mine, and the little gesture that let me know he was there felt really good. Finally Melissa nodded. "I have always wondered a little about you." She said. "I've seen all the other girls naked sometime but never you. You always turned around and I thought you were just shy but it explains a lot. And I can understand why you wanted to become your sister but it's rubbish. Your parents always were a little weird but this is seriously screwed up. I'm just glad you've come to your senses." "That's thanks to Ray." I whispered. "Yeah, I can see that." "Does that mean you're gay?" Mariah asked me. "Yes." "Oh... oh my god, when we taught you how to suck... oh geez. And you did it..." She blushed. "Geez, I'm sorry. It's too early in the morning to think normally. But I can't believe I never noticed anything! We went swimming together! You always had those sexy trunks for girls but how did you get breasts?" "I wore tops that hid everything and my mother bought special stuff." I said. "Your family is messed up." Melissa said with a nod. "Yeah, I guess." "So, what's the plan for the future?" "We're going to college but me as Samuel. I'm eighteen now and even if my parents don't agree we'll be okay." I said. Ray nodded and pulled me closer to him. "Aw, you were cute as a straight couple." Mariah said. "But you're even cuter like this. Wait..." She got up and then came back with her phone and took a picture. "Perfect." She said with a smile. I had to explain the whole story again to the rest of the girls and was surprised at how easily they accepted it. I guess the fact that I didn't go for women had a big thing to do with it. If I had been straight they would have thought I was ogling at them but since I was not everything was okay. During the whole summer I spent almost no time at home. I was always at Ray's apartment or working but one day my father caught me before I could get out and told me to sit down. I was still wearing girl's clothes at home but as soon as I got to Ray's apartment I changed. I had quite a lot of clothes in his closet and we sometimes went to buy some more. "Sam, I wanted to ask you about college." He said. "Yes?" "Are you ready for Harvard?" "Not really." "What do you mean?" "I won't go to Harvard. I've applied to other colleges and I won't be studying law." "What?" He looked angry. "I thought we had discussed it and everything was set. You could have gotten a great scholarship for Harvard." "Dad, seriously, we never discussed anything. We all just assumed that I'd be going where Lisa would have gone. But I'm not Lisa. I'm Sam. I'm Samuel, your son." His face hardened and became red. "You are Sam, my daughter. And you're going to Harvard to become a lawyer." "Dad, can you wait a minute? I'll be right back." I said and went upstairs. There I washed off the little bit of make-up I had on and then changed into the clothes I now wore usually. When I came back to where my father sat I could see his body tense. "Dad, I'm Samuel, your son." "You're not my son. Samuel killed my princess." He said and I felt like he had just hit me, and my eyes filled with tears. "Dad, I was six years old." "It shouldn't have been Lisa who died." "I know that, father. And I tried really hard to become Lisa. I probably would have been her for much longer if I hadn't met Ray. But I can't anymore. And I love you even if you never cared for me." "Get out." He said calmly. "You had two children." I said. "You had Lisa, your princess and Samuel, your son. But from the beginning you only cared about Lisa. When she was gone you still had a son but... now you won't have any children at all." "Get out." He said again. "I figured out soon that you never loved me but it still hurts. Tell mom I love her too. And who knows, I might be back for Christmas to visit some friends or next summer. You can call me on my phone, if you want. Goodbye, father." "Get out." He said the third time and his face looked like it was made of stone. I went to my room and grabbed a few things that I needed, some papers, my wallet, my laptop and some other things. I put them in a bag and then went over to Ray's apartment. "He kicked me out." I said and Ray just pulled me in a hug. "I think he hates me for what I did to Lisa." "You didn't do anything. It was an accident." Ray whispered. "Yes. I don't think I'll ever hear from them again. In all these years they never cared about me personally. Just my grades and things like that. But it still hurts." "I know, baby. I know." He said and I cried on his shoulder. Ray just stood there, firm and strong, his hands on my back and his head near mine. I knew that Ray had gone through something similar when his parents kicked him out for being gay. After a while I finally calmed down. "I guess now it's just the two of us." I said. "Yes. And we will make it." He said with a smile. "We'll go to college, live in the dorms, maybe get an apartment, then we'll graduate, get us great jobs, live in a beautiful house, have pets and maybe kids and we'll be together for the rest of our lives." "Let's get a dog." I mumbled and he chuckled. "Sure. No kids?" "I'm not sure I'm good with kids. But we'll see." "Okay." "Ray..." "Hmm?" "I really love you." "Yeah, baby. I love you, too." "Ray..." "Hmm?" "No one is perfect. Even Lisa wasn't, right?" "Yes. You probably just didn't know. You were just a kid. But Sam..." "Yeah?" "You're perfect to me. We're perfect together." "Love you." "Mmh, love you more." Ray said and slowly led me to the bedroom. "We'll have a perfect dog, you know?" He said. "What's a perfect dog?" "Not sure. But we'll have one." I laughed. "Okay." "You'll see." He said as he started to remove my clothes. "Whatever. Just make love to me." "Of course, baby." He said and kissed me. The End of this story... ^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v I hope you enjoyed this story. Let me know wether or not you liked it. I also have a yahoo-group where you can read my other stories. http://groups.yahoo.com/group/azulastories Best wishes Azula