I invited Nick to come over to play video games and he accepted. I mean, OMG, can you imagine if we end up wrestling on the floor and I'm all over him?! Wouldn't it be perfect?
"I mean, NO, Peter, behave yourself. I mean, it would be perfect, but it would screw things up so it wouldn't be perfect. So that, it really would be perfect if I got to hold myself from doing it and play cool and very manly to keep along with the boys... aargh, I don't even know what I'm saying... I think I'm getting nervous". Thoughts were running through my mind as we were walking home.
"So, Peter, what do you think?" Nick asked.
"Mmm... what?" I said, getting back to reality.
"Never mind." he said.
I stopped and when I realized I had one hand barely touching his left shoulder "Hey, anything you have to say is important. I was zoning out. I'm sorry." I said as the proper thing to say.
"Hey, it's cool dude." he replied with a sheepish smile.
Yeah, I know, this is not playing the manly thing like "aargh, Peter, you're trying, and you're failing, miserably." And maybe I got staring deeply at him for one more second than I should.
"Ahem, soo... I was saying it's not nice that most of the songs go like `we're just casual for one night' when they're supposed to be romantic. I mean, I don't really think the `hunting' thing is cool. It should be a life plan thing... like, you know, either you have expectations out of it or you don't go at all?" he kinda finished, kinda asked me.
I guess I got too jaw dropped for a second to say anything!
"Let's stop for an ice cream, what do you say?" Nick said pointing to the ice cream shop as we were passing by, walking on the way home.
"Sure." I simply replied.
It's a cool ice cream shop, I mean, it isn't the fancy ones but it isn't like the poorly illuminated ones either... so, it's more to the cool side, like, it has the glassy freezer with all the flavors to be chosen, and the attendant asks if you want double everything and there you go. There are very big windows and lots of tables.
"Which flavor are you gonna pick?" Nick asked.
"Mmm... I don't know, why?" I simply said.
"Because I'm gonna have the same you do." he said and kinda averted his gaze.
When you can't contain the love you have inside of your heart. Isn't that supposed to be a good thing?
"I mean, I don't even know if I `love' Nick, I guess I don't know, I know him only for a few days. I mean, I know him for quite some time, we study at the same school but I got to talk to him only a couple of days ago. Or worse than that, the point is, I don't think I actually `know' what love is... do I?"
Well, out of love or out of dumbness, lack of coolness, the thing is, I was making a poor job of hiding it, but still, was so scared to let him consider it... and lose him forever.
I don't even know if I can think of losing him, I mean, I don't `have him', I'm trying to make a friend here.
We ended up getting strawberry ice cream with extra berry syrup.
Gosh, he looks so adorable. As he was getting a seat close to the window, the afternoon sun was hitting through the window on Nick's straight blond locks, his greenish hazel eyes under the sunlight, occasionally looking at me, occasionally looking at the ice cream. He was wearing a plain white t-shirt and light blue jeans in a warm day, and had his bag with him. The door was closed but I could swear his hair was almost brushing even with no wind. It would be nice to have his head on my shoulder to comb his hair with my fingers...
I was looking at him, but actually admiring, not really paying attention on what he was talking about.
Actually, I wasn't really paying attention on anything. He was sitting on a chair, by the table he picked up. As I was staring at him, thinking about life and all those things, I lost balance of my ice cream and the top of it fell on Nick's lap!!
"Oh, gosh, I'm so sorry." I said. I put my ice-cream, or what was left of it on the table and automatically reached for napkins on the table to clean him.
Of course, I hesitated as I noticed what I was doing: Trying to mend one mistake with another one. The first mistake was spilling ice cream on Nick, the second one was me considering on getting a napkin and grabbing his wet crotch with my both hands.
I got only a quizzical look on my face, staring in his deep hazel eyes.
"It's ok, you can clean it... please." he replied with a small smile.
My heart started racing and I was mentally repeating to myself `Maybe, it's `cause he's straight and differently from you he sees no big deal, so you don't see no big deal either' as I was hoped my hand didn't start shaking.
I got the napkin only with my right hand and squatted beside him. He was sitting on the chair and I was applying about no pressure on his bulge to clean it – actually it wasn't a lot of ice cream, just a little.
I didn't think I had the courage to look up, to his face, but somehow I briefly did. He had a blank expression. It wasn't angry nor sad... it was more to smiling, but he wasn't smiling, maybe `smiling with his eyes', I don't know. It was supposed to be serene but he was blushing, or maybe it was because the sun was hitting his face his cheeks got rosy.
"Hey, it's ok, let me finish it." he said as he put his hand on the top of mine (on the top of his crotch). He applied pressure over it only for one second I think and got the napkin. As I was awkwardly squatting beside him, he put his arm around my neck and briefly pulled me against his chest and ruffled my hair... to make it `manly', I guessed.
"Do you want another ice cream?" he asked – you know, I even forgot I wanted to have some ice cream...
"No, it's fine." I said and had my ice cream, paying a lot of attention not to make another mess.
He didn't say much nor did I. He was looking at the window and occasionally looked at the floor, like thinking about life – but he didn't look sad. Actually, to me, he looked so sexy, because he was so distracted the ice cream and the syrup were making his lips so reddish to match his greenish hazel eyes with a far away look and his blond hair around his face.
Naturally, as I slipped some of my ice cream, I finished first but I waited for him to finish without saying a thing about it. When he finished, he got up without saying a word – maybe he went to the bathroom, I thought, as guys don't `go together nor invite the friend to go'.
"Let's go?" he said, smile back to his face.
"Oh, I have to pay, first." I replied.
"I just paid it." he replied.
"But..." I started and he interrupted me.
"Don't say anything. You dropped most of yours and I had the ice cream idea in the first place."
"Thanks for coming with me." he finished with a shrug and a small chuckle.
As we were arrived home, he chose the fighting video game for us to play.
I offered him a pair of gym shorts as I messed up his pants – not as I wanted to, or better, keeping cool as better as I could about all of it, including the ideas on my mind. I admit I chose a specially small pair of shorts to lend him, and got more baggy ones to myself, to help hiding an occasional hardon...
As we were playing, side by side, his bare knee was touching mine. Maybe it was no big deal for him but as his knee was touching mine and I could see his bare leg, with very light hair... well, that got my attention and I started losing almost all the video game battles!
"And Nick wins again!" he said.
"Quit it!" I replied, trying to be firm, but couldn't contain a smile. I mean, I was having fun and a nice, unintentional, sight.
"I'm playing with grandma... grandma." he said and poked me.
"Hey, stop it." I said, chuckling. He did it again and I poked him back.
"Stop it, stop it." I said with my arms in front of my chest as I'm very ticklish.
He took advantage of it to drop me on the floor. I rolled over him and he rolled back.
He had his knees one on each side of me for support and was holding both of my wrists with his hands. His medium-length hair was falling all over his face. We were both catching our breathes and he stopped applying pressure on my wrists.
His smile faded and he was staring deep in my eyes. We stopped the fighting play, the tickling, but our breathing grew heavier and his face was getting closer, I mean, I could his hair locks on my face.
"I guess I have to go, it's getting late." he said as he let go of me and got up.
He gave me a very tight sideways hug before he left but, still, I hoped things didn't get weird between us.
"Peter, Peter, I said this shouldn't happen, that you'd screw things up". I mentally kept kicking myself. "Should I call him... I mean, only to listen to his voice and check if everything is normal?"