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Purgatory of Syn
Storm of the Century
Some say...Syn is a little crazy. Yet it's their mental institutions that haven't really helped me.
Those same people say I'm a little too mean. Oh, I know them. Hearing about the things I say and immediately that word pops into someone's mouth, "Asshole." I hate that word. I REALLY fucking that word. That is the word the simple people make when they can't figure something out. When they think they are too perfect for any critique. Well I'm not afraid to take critique and take it with a smile. So I'm not afraid to give it either.
All my life I've been labeled the "Bad Guy".
The "Delinquent." The Asshole. The "Guy who Doesn't Know What He's Talking About."
I didn't mind. First off, who is to define right and wrong? These people go around thinking since they learn a few more words that they know more about the human experience. What makes you such an expert, because you open a book and study? I've lived the human experience. The real human experience. My parents died when I was still just a teen. I am a gay guy who had all the images of what a man should be drilling into his head daily. Yet...a bowtie or is it more like a reverend's collar makes you more educated then me on life. What kind of shit is that? I have my Ph.D in reality. I am a Preacher in Existence.
Yet even then...I didn't mind. Every story needs a bad guy doesn't it. Every story needs a villain doesn't it. I guess I'm that someone who stands around and wonders why the hell Perseus feels its right to cut off Medusa's head just because she can turn men to stone. What was her crime? People can't help their facial characteristics. Why the hell is this guy a classic Greek hero? Why the hell was mankind so damn predictable?
When you look at me do you see a bad guy? Is it because I don't smile at you. I don't laugh at something that I don't find funny. If you rub me the wrong way I won't pretend that I like you? I will express myself to your face if I feel the need. Well...doesn't that mean I wouldn't talk behind your back? What do you feel is worse? Shouldn't "I" be the Classical Hero?
No...in a fake world...you can't be a real hero.
Still even when I was labeled the bad guy... hell, I was happy. I was happy with my life. I was happy my relationship. I had just gotten completely happy...happy with being who I was.
Then it was all taken from me.
And now I am just very...very...very angry.
See, who would have known that those lunatics were right? Not too long before it happened, the Fold Brotherhood had told all the sinners to clean up there act or the streets would flood like the story of Noah. Who knew they would be right?
It was the spring of 2010. My last semester of high school. That was when she came. Her name was Holly. Hurricane Holly was something else. You heard of Katrina, well this was worse. She was named the worst Hurricane in the entire century.
Millions of homes across the shores were destroyed. The number of the dead could only be estimated. Bushwick was reduced to nothing at all. Entire building subsided.
Who would have known?
So I'm sitting here...being relocated on this
bus. The government said it would only be temporary until they got aid to
these places and got our lives were repaired. All my friends were
relocated to schools around the country as long as a couple hundred thousand
other families and people. T-Boy was sent to
Then there was Sampson...my boyfriend. We didn't even get a chance to say goodbye. The humanity of the United Stated was swept away. The masses of panic and chaos made sure that we were completely separated with no means of contacting one another. He disappeared...and I didn't know where he went...I didn't even know if he was still alive and survived the Storm of the Century...
And me...well I'm...
I woke up to someone nudging me. It was the old lady on the bus. You ever sit next to someone on the bus and they just don't seem to know how to shut up. She had been telling me her life story the entire time and it seemed like a perfect sleep aid. Being social is one thing...being inconsiderately annoying is another.
What made her think I wanted to hear about
long her hair was when she was my age? I had a feeling this was a
conspiracy. How would she even slightly think that I gave a damn?
"How would you like to hear about the time Gregory and I went to carnival by the bay...oh Gregory was so romantic..."
"Listen lady. I just lost everything I known. All I want to do is sleep."
"Gregory was such a kind."
"Excuse me," she said, folding her hands and frowning her face. For a moment the silence was utter bliss. I couldn't believe I had got stuck on a bus with this old bag of bones. This was a god damn mess.
That was when she opened her mouth again, "You damn kids these days. So rude to your elders. All you care about is your violence and your sex...I can't stand you kids these days. It's not like when I was a kid. That was when people had real discipline..."
See...I had tried to be nice...
"Listen, just because I don't want to hear about your old stories and how you discovered fire from rubbing two sticks doesn't make rude. But this will. So, Let's be serious...Grandma Dusty. If Gregory was that serious...he would be here right now listening to you whine. NOW I've just been through the worst events of my life...Leave...Me...Alone..."
She got up and left out of her seat.
Good... peace and quiet...
I still didn't get good sleep. I used to have dreams about raining. I used to have dreams about rain. I had dreams of it pouring down. I used to see my baby...Sampson. I loved Sampson. I really did. Where was he now? I missed him. I guess that didn't mean anything.
Did God do this to me?
I questioned it as I continued the bus ride to some temporary refugee camp to continue high school. Why was this fair? How did this ever become fair? I was supposed to be Syn. I was supposed to be the boy who wasn't scared of anything. I was supposed to be the boy with all the confidence in the world...why couldn't I sleep? Why was it such clear emotion...fear...anxiety.
Do you know how it feels like when you feel God has abandoned you?
If those people were right and God was upset with us, then that meant that homosexuality was wrong. That meant that I was wrong. They had said there was going to be a flood. They had been walking around my school saying there would be a cleansing. I couldn't understand how they would know that. It scared me.
From that moment on I cleaned my slate. I would completely re-educate myself. I would discover what god was...I would discover what life was...I would discover what love was. I wouldn't use those traditional meanings. They had failed me.
My God sent a flood that destroyed my life and separated me from my love.
The school was in
The rain beat up over the place. It reminded me of Nazi Germany immediately. I had taken a cab from the bus station to the address. No one was really outside which was understandable. It was still a very rainy season and Hurricane Holly was still raging. The clouds were dark in the sky even though it was just the middle of the afternoon, it looked like late evening. The building tall...no...it was gigantic. It looked like an Industrialized Hogwarts or some shit. The windows all had bars on it...fucking bars. Can you believe that?
This was some shit.
I walked through the courtyard walking towards the school. There was no basketball court to be seen, nothing like that. Everything was spotless. I could eat off of the ground. Oh, this was going to be something different. This was going to be something really different.
So this is where you go when God is pissed at you. So this must be some type of hell? No...I wasn't dead. This was still Earth. This must be Purgatory.
"You must be Syn," a lady said.
The lady was a tall and slim white lady. She was so damn tall. She looked at my caramel skin as though she'd never seen a black person in her life. She had a high forehead and her eyes looked lost. She looked like Death itself. Maybe I hadn't survived the flood...it would explain why none of my friends had tried to contact me through email so far.
"Come in darling," she stated leading me into the place, "During the relocations I got a personal referral for you from one Dr. Lopez. She convinced the Board of Education to relocate you here."
Bitch. Dr. Lopez was my old psychiatrist. She tried to take over my mind and failed. In the end, I ended up getting in her head. I guess it must be tough at not being able to do what you spent 10 years of school learning to do on a kid who was still in high school. Now she sent me to Purgatory. I guess some people find it hard to take defeat...
"Yes. Dr. Lopez is a personal friend of mine. She wanted me to take you
under her wing. I am
...So purgatory had a name...
She continued to walk around and talk about the school. It's academic achievements and how most of their students get into prestigious college. She kept going on how I am lucky to have the government helping me pay the high tuition costs.
"This is the main hallway..."
Blah, Blah, Blah...bullshit, bullshit, bullshit...
I completely ignored what she was saying and decided to take a look around myself. I hated the whole formal introduction crap. I wasn't the normal student, I didn't need the normal introduction. Plus I was coming into the school during the middle of the school year. All the other students knew each other...some for years and even the freshmen were been acquainted then I was. It was too late to get comfortable here.
The hallways were long...clean...well kept. I could hear voices coming down from the ones on the first floor and it was obvious that they led through the long, long corridors that I could see from the outside where the classes were.
"Syn! Syn!" she screamed out.
"Have you listened to anything that I've been saying?"
"Do the principles of this school stress honesty?"
"Yes of course."
"Then no I haven't listened to anything."
She gave me a look. From that look alone, I could tell she had already made up her mind about me. She felt like I was an Asshole. The problem with her feeling that way and my reaction was that I really couldn't give a fuck. She spoke louder as though I was going to listen if she raised her voice.
She spoke looking dead in my eye, "Blah...blah... blah... Bullshit... bullshit ... bullshit... Your dorms are right up these stairs...Bullshit...bullshit...bullshit..."
She led me up the long trailing stairs. I watched how she walked and mocked her. She was so uppity and stuck up. I couldn't believe it. She walked as though someone was watching her or some shit. She walked as though something was stuck up her ass. It wasn't graceful. It was stiff as a board and a bit boring...just like her voice.
She led me into the room that I was living. It was a bunk bed and it was obvious that someone else was there. He was sleeping on the top bunk which left me the bottom. Damn... I hated sleeping underneath someone.
The room was small...as fuck. It was an understatement how small this room is. The boy had a lot of shit everywhere too. He obviously wasn't a clean person. I looked around for pictures but I couldn't find any.
"So Vivian...I guess there's no negotiating these rooms."
"No...and you can call me Ms. Trails."
I sighed. Damn it sucked.
"What the hell am I supposed to do with this?" I ask her.
I look around.
"Now I see what Dr. Lopez meant when she was telling me about you," she said and ignored my question, "You have an hour to get settled down. The students get out of their class at . At 5, we have the scheduled dinner. I'll have someone come escort you to there at that time."
"Wait wait wait...back up, what did Dr. Lopez say about me?"
She rolled her eyes and walked out of the room, slamming the door behind her. I hated that. I hated when people did that. They made it known that they were discussing you behind your back but they wouldn't tell you what they said. It was because they wanted the attention that came with negativity but they didn't want any of the personal feelings attached to that attention. These were the glass people. They were all the fucking same and it was pissing me off.
I looked around the room. How the hell did I get myself in this predicament? I had been so happy. I had it all. Now I had nothing. I had nothing but a fucking dream of some shit. Noah Fold was right. There would be a flood and it would destroy me.
I looked around the room again...it didn't take so long...the room was a fucking box. Where was the television? Where was the computer? This entire school didn't feel like 2010. It felt like 1920. It felt like I had been transported back into time.
Maybe that was a good thing. Maybe I can see where I had gone
Back in time.
I sat on the bottom bed and before I knew it I had fallen asleep.
I dreamt of him...I dreamt of my Sampson. It could remember trying to call him when the storm hit. He'd left to go find a friend of ours...Byron. He was trying to save Byron. He'd left me in the house and I remembered the last words that he had nailed into my head.
"I love you, boy...I'll be back. Don't worry. I'll be back."
I remembered those words almost like he had drilled them into head. He had given me a ring. The promise ring. We had just started a relationship completely. We'd always played around with the idea, but now it was official. I knew he was the one though. It was love at first sight. How couldn't it be?
His eyes were the sky and every time I looked into them I just wanted to break out and fly.
Sampson...my Sampson...please come back to me...
I awoke to the sound of heavy breathing. It was disgusting almost. Could you imagine opening your eyes to some kid breathing over you, looking at you like he's never seen anything of your type in his life? He had these heavy framed glassed that spread across his face.
"What?" I asked, looking at him with bent eyes.
He continued to breathe hard. There was something that wasn't rubbing me the right way about this kid. What the hell was wrong with him?
I repeated my question, slowly this time, "What?"
"I'm Etienne," he told me.
He was a skinny white kid, obviously of some kind of French decent by his
strong accent. He reached his hand out...finally...and shook it. His
shake was strong...impulsively so.
He wouldn't let go as he continued to shake my hand.
"You are my roommate?" I asked, distracting him as I plied my hand away and got up off the bed to stand by the window, away from his long stare.
"Yeah...welcome to Thomas Prep," he told me, giving me yet another long nerdy look, "I was told by Ms. Trails that you are going to be graduating with us."
"Ms. Trails...the uptight bitch that did the
He got quiet and looked at me as though I had just said the most outlandish thing in the world. He was so quiet that as he cleared his throat, I heard it almost like an alarm bell. It was so damn strange. He gave me a look and nodded.
"I was instructed to show you to the cafeteria."
I had already changed into one of their uniforms. It was small fitted uniform leaving little room to breathe. I watched in the mirror how my butt looked. Nice...I must say. I didn't mind the fitted slacks nor the vest. The blazer and the shoes could go though. They weren't stylish at all. I had decided it was best to leave the blazer out all together and wear my own shoes. Sampson had gotten them for me for my birthday.
"You shouldn't wear those," Etienne told me.
We were walking down the hall. You would think it would be a lot more people about. However, the way Etienne was rushing, it must have been no one in the hallways because we were late. This school had this ghastly presence all around it. I didn't understand exactly what it was. It was definitely kind of scary...very scary in fact.
The cafeteria wasn't as ghastly. It was kind of reviving to see so much life around. The boys in the school seemed to be more diverse then I thought it would be. It was in fact the most diverse place that I'd ever been. Asians, blacks, Spanish and whites all mixed together.
"I'll be right back, lunch line is that way," he stuttered and walked along, disappearing in the crowd of men.
I was the center of attention. No body really seemed to speak, but it seemed like everyone was staring as though I had the key to life wrapped in me somewhere. The fact that everyone else was doing it seemed to make it fine that no one even slanted their eyes slightly. They continued to stare deep and thoroughly.
A lot of the guys looked geeky but there were some nice looking ones. I crossed my arms...not that I was looking. Most of these guys had to be straight anyway and I had Sampson. I loved him and nothing could really turn my eye...
Not even him...
I first saw him standing on the lunch line. I didn't understand the feeling at first. Yeah, he was the most attractive guy in the room. I didn't know what he was. At first I thought he was Corbin Bleu and it kind of made me laugh, but he wasn't...he was more attractive. He had the same creamy olive and bronze skin tone. He looked less gay that him, but had the same puffy curls of hair and model-like features. The masculinity was there though, I watched as he intently put food on his tray, reaching for an apple. He was the only one that hadn't looked at me...
He had noticed me. His eyes had turned to me but in the same second, as though unimpressed, he moved his eyes away. It interested me immensely. I didn't understand it at first. Wasn't I the new talk of the town...being the new boy?
I had gotten myself some food too. The food was...god...I watched as the lunch lady looked at my expression. Immediately I saw I made yet another enemy on my long list of enemies. I looked for Corbin...where the hell was he?
Then I saw him...I don't know what the hell made me choose to go sit over there. Was it the fact that he was attractive or was it the fact that he was the only one in the entire cafeteria not showing me any attention?
As I spotted him, I was approached. Strange, I didn't think any of these uppity rich boys would have the balls to approach me.
"You don't want to sit over there," the boy told me.
I looked the boy up and down. He was another attractive boy. Definitely didn't have the Corbin look going on. He was a dark skin boy about my height. He probably thought it was cool to talk to me since I was black too. We could get together and philosophize on Tupac...no...not today. I had a mystery to unfold.
"What makes you so certain I wouldn't want to sit over there?" I ask him.
He smiled, "Look."
I turned around to see what he was gesturing at. The boy next to the Corbin Bleu Stand-In was obviously flamboyant. The boy was a white boy, very slinky build...almost too skinny. He had an emo haircut with long bangs over his eyes and was swinging them around like a pansy.
"You have a problem with gay people?" I ask him.
My face got real serious. Asshole. He got real serious too as though letting the shock set in that I was offended because I was gay.
Then I started to laugh as though I had been joking. Would you believe this idiot started laughing with me? He thought my little joke was hilarious! It just had to have been funny as hell that a guy like me was offended over something like that? I was too straight to be gay!
"You almost thought you had a friend didn't you?" I ask him, my face getting serious again as I rolled my eyes and walked away from him.
I hated assholes. I watched as gave me this pissed off look and in the corner of my eye I could see him go sit with the rest of his jock friends and talk shit on me...obviously.
Enemy #1,000,001. I had to be setting a world record or something. I just had to be getting a Guinness Book of World Records plack in the mail any day now. I'd have to tell my roommate to push all his nerdy posters aside on the wall.
I went and sat at the table with all these boys. I didn't ask but none of them seemed to mind...besides Corbin of course, he still didn't give me any eye contact. This was weird as hell. Was I ugly? No... that wasn't it...
They were quiet. It made things a little awkward. The feminine one brushed his bangs away from his eyes and smiled, extending his hand first.
"I'm Julian but you can call me Jules..."
"I bet I could...and you are?" I ask Corbin.
He doesn't look up from the table, but somehow notices that I'm talking to him, "I'm Ty."
"Ty, what's the matter with you?" the last boy stated and then reached over to shake my hand, "I'm Monte."
"Is it my turn to introduce myself?" I ask and smile widely... "I'm Syn...I'm not very nice if you rub me the wrong. I hate fake people and I can tell fake people from a mile away..."
I gave each one of them an intense stare. Ty and Jules exchanged looks with each other. It was kind of entertaining. They probably thought I was crazy or something. Monte seemed to be somewhat amused by it though.
Monte laughed, "I thought the new boy was the one who was supposed to be shy...
"So are you all gay?" I asked.
I was looking at Corbin as I asked. He just ignored the question though. I wanted to laugh. Monte laughed and Jules smiled, as though entertained by my straightforwardness...still I could tell I had hit them by surprise. God...was anyone in this school going to be a challenge to shock?
"I guess you ask that cause I'm sitting here with Jules. He's my been my best friend since forever. To answer your question, no, I'm not gay...no...I'm just laid back, get along with everyone," Monte stated and smiled.
"I obviously am," Jules replied, crossing his legs.
"I bet you are," I teased and turned to Corbin, "What about you quiet? Are you gay?"