Date: Sat, 29 Aug 1998 20:02:06
From: fucacanuck@usa.net
Subject: Q.H.S. Pinks 2!

By the time Monday morning had rolled around, and somehow I survived the
rest of the weekend, I was fiercely angry. How could he have dropped
something like that on me in my most fragile hour? I was still majorly
fucked up but I just had to talk to him or I would explode, and more than
likely it would be a literal explosion.

I spotted him just as the bell for homeroom rang.

I walked up behind him and pulled him around by the shoulder. "I REALLY
need to talk to you right NOW." I stated almost emotionless. Without a
pause he instinctively shot back that we would both be late for homeroom.
"Fuck homeroom." I stated in the very same tone." He looked at me
bewildered and I still think, with a hint of concern. "David..." He
sighed. "I'm sorry about the letter, I really am. I am just so confused I
don't know what to do."

He looked helpless just then. Like a deer in your headlights while
barreling down the highway at sixty-five miles per hour. He fell against
the lockers and slid down them like he had no more will to live. I fell
apart inside seeing him, my object of strength and perfection crumble so
easily like that. All my anger seemed to slide away in a split second and
it was replaced with nothing but compassion. This guy was hurting on the
inside more than me. Even though that seemed unimaginable to me, he really
had a lot of issues all tangled up inside him.

"I'm sorry." I whispered as my voice cracked. "Steve, please... don't block
me out. I really think we had something amazing happening that night." I
paused in thought and momentary sadness. "Look, I really don't know where
you stand but I got to tell you where I stand. Steve, I am a..." I couldn't
say it. I was all set to, but before it was allowed to reach my lips my
defense mechanism kicked in. Just as my emotions were ready to fight back
and the hot salty water would rush my tear ducts, he looked up at me.

"You are a what?" Practically choking on his words. "Nothing!" I shot back
in the last attempt at protecting my social status in this school for the
next three damn years.

I was about to run off down the empty hall to my homeroom when he grabbed
my wrist and flung me around.  "Tell me damnit!" His eyes seemed to do the
talking for him. They were glazed with tears. A mixture of confusion, anger
and hurt beamed out of them for me and only me to see.

What I saw did in a way relax me a little... but it could never be enough
for me to actually tell him right out. "Do I really need to tell you?" I
stuttered in my words as the dam broke and my eyes flooded. "Wasn't Friday
night enough for you to figure it out on your own? What else could you
possibly need to hear from my mouth that you don't already know?" I wiped
my eyes instinctively, worrying now about what everyone would think if they
saw me.

After my minor emotional outburst, Steve's look changed dramatically. I
don't know why but he appeared to be totally astonished by what I said. His
grip loosened on my wrist as his head tilted forward looking down at his
chest. He felt like hell and his thoughts had been consuming him for days,
that was easy to see.

Just then the first class bell rang.

"Oh shit!" I proclaimed while attempting to dry my eyes for the last
time. The student body began to flood the halls. In mere seconds the noise
level jumped dramatically. I slowly began to drift away from Steve and in
one quick movement turned my back to proceed to my homeroom to sweet talk
Mr. Andrews into forgiving me just this once. "Please call me," I heard from
a distance behind me. I turned around too look at him. "I really want you
too." Steve called out again, not seeming to care about everyone else around
him. After a slight pause I smiled a little and nodded to him. "Ok, how
about around eight?" I asked carefully. "Make it eight-thirty." He chuckled
briefly and in a nervous fashion. "Got practice tonight and all." I just
simply nodded and began to walk away again feeling no more or no less worse
than before. It was almost a dazed feeling this time.

Just before I had turned away I noticed Kelly approaching him from behind.
Over the crowd I heard her ask, "Who was that?" Even though his choice of
words would have to be extremely limited, I still felt saddened when I
heard him say that I was just some guy he knew and for her not to worry
about it. I didn't like the back seat, even though I had to take it, or
suffer the consequences.

-----

"Hey, do you know Steve Thomson?" Jenny asked me innocently enough over
lunch. I froze with a bite of pizza still in my mouth. In my moment of
silence our entire lunch groupie stopped their respective conversations and
looked at me. I was lost for words. "Umm, yeah I do... a little any way." I
managed to get out while chewing my food. In my attempt to look 'Au
Naturel' I think I over did it because they still kept looking at me. I
never was a good liar.

"Well, how do you know him?" Jenny continued with her interrogation. She
always was the curious and up front one. "Ahh, we bumped... no ran into
each other on the football field." No sense in lying over something as
platonic as that. "Oh." She simply stated as the others more or less fell
back into whatever it was they were talking about before. "I was just
wondering 'cause I saw you talking to him today on my way to first class."
"Oh yeah... I ran into him this morning." I replied in my most normal
voice. "You looked a little flushed." She eyed me as I brushed it off in a
burst of rather pathetic sounding fake laughter.

I'm not sure how I managed to get through that lunch hour alive. Especially
when every time I saw Steve in those tedious ninety minutes I could not help
but look at him just that one second longer than I should have. I just
prayed nobody noticed my weak self-control.

On the way home that night I gave myself a lecture on how to avoid
circumstances like that again by playing it much more casually. I was all
too new at this to get caught. My life would come to an end. I WOULD go off
the deep end if I was outed in such a fashion. I tried not think about it,
but I was sure Steve would have ceased to exist as well...

-----

I had a rather small dinner that night. My stomach was churning and my body
a little shaky, and that only worsened the more I thought about calling
him. Once again I felt like an idiot to let it get to me like that. It was
just a phone call right? And it wasn't like he was a total stranger... or
was he? I felt like a wreck. In fact, it was such a bad weekend I actually
went out and bought stress-tabs Saturday night just to help my body out
with the extra vitamins and nutrients it was wasting in my useless worrying
and in pondering the current situation. I can't believe I actually thought
that meeting someone who felt similar to me would be a cure-all. Where
actually it just added to my pain. This was a different pain though, it was
very bitter-sweet... a pain that I desired in ways that my mind or heart
could not even comprehend. They just WERE.

It was around 8:45pm when I finally worked up the nerve to call him. My
fingers shaking, I pushed the seven digits and the line rang in.

"Hello." The voiced answered abruptly. "Hi, is Steve there please?" I felt
like I was speaking ninety miles an hour. "Oh sure Dave, you don't even
recognize my voice... I'm disappointed." Steve said with a hint of teasing
in his speech. I was immediately relieved. "Ohhh, thank god it's you... I
really didn't want to get one of your parents or something." "Aweee..." He
spoke in a sympathetic manner. "Dad's still at work and Mom went to pick up
Jessie from V-ball practice." "I see." I stated followed by an awkward
pause. "So, you wanted me to call..." I chuckled with a hint of
apprehension. He paused in what I believe to be a few seconds of thought.
"Yeah... well, I just wanted to say that I am sorry again for the letter,
this morning and... well just everything." His voice lowered and he ended
his sentence with a huge sigh. "Steve, please don't apologize for
everything. I mean, the letter maybe... but as far as everything else, I
have no regrets. D-do you regret what happened Friday night?" I asked him
against my own wishes. There was a long thoughtful pause which I was sure
would only bring heart breaking news. "No... I don't Dave. I just don't
know how I will be able to live a double life." He sniffled a little. "I
mean... what I want to say is... oh hell, I am just SO confused. I couldn't
even go back to the way it was before now because I know how right it feels
when I am with you. Touching you, feeling your breath on me... the way you
make me feel like a human for once." His voice grew hoarse.

I was relieved to finally know I wasn't alone. No matter how much your told
you are not alone in your feelings it is ALWAYS hard to believe until you
actually have the proof in your hands. In the same time I was relieved I
also felt like hell because I knew how bad it felt to surrender yourself to
another person. And that is just what he was doing with me... coming out.

"It's o.k. Steve... just let it flow." I managed. "Life will work itself
out, just be you when your with me. Hell, I don't plan on telling the whole
world who I am so why should you feel like you have to? Be yourself... move
at your own speed. But for god's sake please don't deny what we got." I
chuckled softly to lighten the mood. It worked. The more we talked the more
evident contentness was in his voice. We abruptly said our good-byes when
his brother walked into the room, but not before we had planned on another
Friday night together after his hockey game. He said he would somehow get
out of spending it with Kelly... somehow was the key word.

I thought about just that after we ended our long and meaningful
conversation. Kelly... I suddenly realized that he had much more baggage to
balance than I had. This was going to be a lot harder for him than me. I
ignorantly forgot about his girlfriend, his social status and everything
else that made him who he was. He had buried his emotions so deeply and for
so long that he carried a somewhat productive life. Even though he always
had that emptiness deep down, he tarried on and became the person he wanted
to be. Popular, athletic, and well adjusted. I soon realized that he had
built all that on artificial terrain. Now that it had given away to what
was beneath it's surface I was afraid that his performance in school and on
the ice might be affected. The last thing I wanted to see him do was lose
his grip on reality this close to university and starting his own life.

I made it my goal that night to keep an eye on things. If Steve were to slip
at all I would be there to encourage him and demand him even to get back on
his feet and carry on.

After about twenty minutes of constant thinking and the light had given way
to darkness in my room, out of nowhere came a rather chilling thought. Steve
was exactly who I wanted to be. I whinced slightly at my revelation and
pulled the sheet over my body and hugged it into my chest. Indeed, Steve was
the highest expectations of myself... but that wasn't affecting my
relationship with him was it? I sighed heavily as I knew this would be just
one more thing added to my already heavy burden of thoughts that plagued my
conscious mind.

-----

I really did expect the rest of the week to go by horribly slow, and for
every second I breathed would be one minute of longing. By nothing short of
a miracle, it was a pleasant breeze -- for the most part. I'm not sure if
circumstance decided to let up on me for awhile or if it were just those
wonderful moments when Steve would wink at me in the halls when we thought
nobody was looking. He really made me feel good when he did that. It was
our way of showing public affection. Something everyone who is in love
needs to do now and then. No matter how small or great those tributes to
our affection were. Ours where obviously very small, but affective
nonetheless.

It wasn't until Friday itself did I acquire a little shaking up. I was on
my way to last class when Kelly decided to have a little chat with me.

"David!" She called out and ran to catch up with me. 'Oh shit... what the
hell does she want?' was the first thing that entered my mind. I slowed
down so she could catch up. "Heya!" She said while smiling brightly.
Something that scared the hell out of me just that much more. "Hi." I
responded while continuing to walk. "What's up?" "Well, actually this is
probably a stupid question because you probably don't have the answer
but..." She paused. "But what?" "Steve-" Before she could continue with any
other word I felt that all too familiar feeling in the pit of my
stomach. "-he has been acting really standoffish lately... and well, I saw
you two talking a few times before... and... there's no easy way to ask it
but, what the hell is going on with you two?" Her facial expressions were
far less friendly. Her big bright smile was all but gone and replaced with
pure inquisition. "Uhhhh... we-we ran into each other on the football field
a few weeks ago. W-we just started to talk that's all."  Cool yourself
David, the cat is not out of the bag yet. "What do you talk about?" I was
astonished at such a question and replied just a little bit angry at
her. "Is that important? We talk about things... nothing major." I lump in
my stomach moved into my throat.

Just as I was about to enter my Maritime Studies class she threw another
curveball my way. "Maybe you can tell me why he just broke off a date with
me tonight?" I was stumped but before too much of a pause I found some
words to spit out. "Kelly, I don't think it is my place to stick my nose in
your personal life do you? Your relationship problems are in fact yours." I
turned around nice and calm and walked into the classroom.

I spent the next seventy-five minutes on a personal guilt trip. This just
wasn't her fault, and she did not really deserve this treatment. I
originally thought it would be exciting and dramatic, like the movies
even. But there was no way at getting around the basic fact. Steve and I
were keeping something from her... something that affected her on multiple
levels. But what else was I or Steve to do? Tell her? Impossible. It would
ruin our lives if she took it badly. There was no way out of this
situation. I kept reminding myself that this was one of those things that
only time itself could and would work out. It helped my conscience some at
least.

-----

I did exactly as Steve had told me to. I would find his mother's car parked
way over by the trees away from the crowd when they exited the rink. The
key for the doors would be taped just under the drivers side door. I was a
little early so I hopped in the passenger side and listened to the radio
awhile. When I realized that the game was over and that people were
beginning to trickle out I shut it off and kept my eyes peeled for Kelly or
any possible spies. If I see anyone like that I was to just stay down and
wait on Steve.

Ten minutes had passed when I noticed Steve heading my way. I smiled
brightly and he mimicked the same smile back at me. Synchronicity must have
been working with me just then because I noticed Kelly was also approaching
but from the left. My jaw dropped as I looked back at Steve, who in turn was
probably wondering what the hell I just saw. I motioned to his far left and
ducked immediately. No more than a minute had passed before I just barely
peeked over the dash to see him and Kelly conversing about something. You
could see she was not happy. To my hearts unapproval she kissed him and he
returned the kiss before they parted. She then walked away and Steve watched
her go out of sight before he made his way to the car, with a rather sober
look on his face.

He stuffed his hockey bag in the trunk and hopped in the cabin carelessly
and slammed the door behind him. Damn, he was in that mood again. "Hi." I
said while smiling just barely. "Hey." He responded coldly and rested his
head on the steering wheel and sighed.

I ever so slowly reached over and began to rub my hand up and down his
back. He didn't flinch at my touch which assured me a little that things
were ok. I was shocked but gladdened when he reached over and ran his hand
up and down my left leg without even looking up.

A few minutes had passed like this when he finally regained his composure
and sat back up. He looked over at me and smiled, then winked. "Where do
you want to go tonight?" "Some place quiet would be nice... maybe a park or
something." I said. He thought about that for a second. "What about The
Green on the northside?" "I'd like that... it should be pretty quiet."
"Perfect." He grinned and started the ignition. "I think I got a blanket in
the trunk we can lay out." I was actually puzzled by his comment. "You
don't care what people will think if they see two men laying out under the
stars on a blanket?" I smirked. "We'll think of something." He simply
stated with another wink. I just laughed to myself and shrugged it off.

-----

When we reached Fredericton, Steve went straight on Prospect Street and
turned into the grocery store. I was a little dumbfounded by this and asked
him what he was doing. He told me to wait patiently in the car, which I did
of course. His smile was pleasantly mischievous. Something I had grown to
love from the first moment I saw him.

When he returned with a grocery bag it oddly made clacking noises when it
moved. It didn't take much begging on my behalf for him to show me what was
inside. He reached in and hauled out a green wine bottle with a label that
read 'sparkling apple cider'. I laughed and commented on the sweetness of
the gesture. "Ta da!" He proclaimed when he also removed two champagne
glasses with the price stickers still on the bottom of each. I found it
much more humorous than sentimental, I think it was okay though, he did a
lot of laughing himself.

After arriving at the park, we noted that there were only two cars in the
area. Which was fine as the green was a long park-land on the riverbanks of
the Saint John river. It really was beautiful out that night. The breeze
was just enough to keep you cool and the air was most breathable. The view
from the green is rather romantic. It faces the city on the other side of
the river. Fredericton is a small city, around 50,000 people, but it makes
for a very picturesque setting. The Westmorland Bridge happily sprawled out
over the river to our right, connecting the north and south sides of the
city... the downtown core all lit up and reflecting on the water as the
ripples carried each ray of light to the shore of the rocky banks. It was
perfect, and just enough room to have privacy.

Steve had parked the car close to a hedge of trees. The plan was to leave
enough room between the car and the trees so that we had optimal
privacy. We laid out the old blanket from the trunk and popped open the
cider and poured it into the glasses. It was still nice and cold, to my
delight as I can imagine warm cider would not be very satisfying.

When I sat down on the blanket, Steve moved in behind me bringing his torso
parallel with mine as to push his groin into my lower back. He draped his
legs around my waist and hugged me with them... his arms soon followed suit
as they were suddenly wrapped around my shoulders and hugging my back into
his chest tight. "Oh god Steve... I've been waiting for a whole week to feel
you next to me all over again." He didn't say a word, he just kissed the
nape of my neck. His breath was warm on my flesh. I could feel it trickle
all the way to my spine where it caused the hairs on my body to stand at
attention. He leaned back and slowly lowered us both to the ground, my back
still pushed into his groin and stomach. We lay there silent for a few
minutes as he caressed my chest with both of his hands.

"You know what?" Steve asked out of the blue. "No, I don't Steve." I
snickered quietly. He in turn mock slapped me on the back of the head just
to acknowledge my tease. Then he continued... "You remember when we
collided on the football field right?" "How could I ever forget that."
"Well, that wasn't at all really an accident you know." There was a moment
of silence. "What? You mean-" I attempted. "Yes, that's right. I did it on
purpose." "Why did you do that?" I asked surprisingly. "Because I wanted to
meet you silly." He laughed. "I had my eye on you about a week before. You
seemed to be different than the others, I never really figured it out until
I caught you looking at me." "You DIDN'T?" "Yep, I did... but don't worry.
I wouldn't have even noticed if I myself were not... I mean if I didn't
like guys. People only noticed what they want to remember. You were not
obvious, but I knew what it was about you that appealed to me when I
realized just WHY you were looking at me."

I was a little embarrassed. "Steve, I must live up to something too... when
we talked on the phone the other night, well... after our conversation, I
starting thinking again." I said with a sigh.  "Oh nooo... not the dreaded
T word." We both chuckled. "Yeah... the T word. Well, you Steve... you to me
define my highest expectations. Your everything I wanted to ever be. I just
hope that I didn't fall for you because of that." I regretted what I had
admitted instantly.  "Oh you could never be me." Steve stated with a
smirk. I was utterly shocked. "Hey! What is that supposed to mean?" I said
while mock hitting him after sitting up and turning around. "Ouch! Dave!
Don't take it the wrong way... what I meant is you can only be you. Sure
you can excel at being YOU... but YOU could never be ME. Do you get what I
mean?" His look went from humor to sincere. I thought about it awhile.
"Yeah, I guess... I could do the things you do, but never be you..."
"Exactly." He said. "So no worries man, you fell for your
expectations... not the embodiment of your expectations."

Just then he leaned ahead fast and grabbed me around the waist and brought
me down on top of him. I of course pretended to protest, in the end only to
fail. I wiggled around a bit so I was directly on top of him. He gratefully
had a button up shirt on in which I preceded to slowly unbutton. I taunted
him a little by sticking my hand in there and rubbing his chest. He was so
smooth. I then opened it enough so that I could kiss it and run my tongue
over it... forever teasing him and turning him on that much more. I
continued my endeavor by licking and sucking his nipples. This really
brought him around as he was moaning now. I felt ever so slightly his
crotch pushing up into mine almost in a rhythm. This boy was hotter than I
thought.

"Do you want me Steve?" I asked in all sincerity. He took a deep breath in
his open mouth and spoke deeply. "I want you more than I want anything."
That was all I needed. Despite my inexperience or my slight awkwardness, I
was ready to pursuit something that I had no idea what the outcome would
be. Passion was in the cockpit this time.

After getting his shirt fully unbuttoned I opened it wide but left it on
him. I sat up removed my pull-over but continued to sit there on his waist
area tauntingly pushing my ass into his hard-on. He loved to be teased. It
only encouraged me more when he would moan and his voice would crack from
the intensity of it. After I cooled him down again I laid back down on him
pushing our bare chests together and moving about as the friction heated us
up once again. I kissed his chin delicately, then his jaw bone, and
everything in between as I made my way to his mouth. He was breathing deep
and his breath still had that sweet smell of apple cider on it. I wanted to
consume him whole right there. In my attempt at doing so I kissed his mouth
deeply, tasting every last drop of sweetness I could. My tongue explored
his mouth until it covered every minor crevice. His tongue then met mine
and in doing so caused me to moan into him. That just added to both our now
very intense lust. I wanted to become one with him.

Without taking my face away from his, where I could kiss him and enjoy the
heat from his breathing on my face, I managed to reach down and undo his
pants as well as mine. I lowered my pants as far as I could, just above my
knees. In one split second I moved my face away from his long enough to get
one swift tug on his pants, dropping them just below his ass. In my last
attempt at pleasure-torture I removed my cock and slid it in the right leg
hole of his underwear. I then laid back down on him and pressed slowly, but
hardly into his groin. We both moaned loudly as our dicks were grinded
together in ecstasy. I knew if I kept this up for even another minute we
both would cum face to face. Something that would have been euphoric, but I
really wanted this to continue a little bit longer. I pulled away only to
have him protest. "No Dave, please... do it more." Oh, how I loved the
sound of his amazingly deep voice when he was in heat. He was so wanting
and his energy seemed to radiate off of him and energize me. It was so very
powerful and emotionally moving.

"Not yet Steve... I want us to do something first." He looked at me
questioningly. When his mind cleared enough from the passion of it all he
pondered what I meant by that. Suddenly he looked up at me wide eyed. "You
want to fuck?" My senses doubled when I heard him say that. Just the way he
mouthed that while his breathing was quickened, turned me on like a wild
man... that true animal instinct that lives in ever human being. I calmed
myself slightly when I realized the magnitude of his words. "Steve, I don't
think we are equipped to do that tonight." He looked at me for a moment.
"You're right. Let's do that another night." Even those words turned me
on... he was in this for the long haul. "What do you want to do then?"  He
asked. I smiled wickedly and winked at him. "Many things." Before he could
respond I covered his mouth with a finger and straddled his hips, sitting
on his waist again. Only this time I lowered my underwear totally. I
thrusted my nude thighs into his covered crotch, only to make him fully
hard again. I used his facial expressions as my guide. When his face
acquired the look of slight pain and he whimpered I knew he was close and I
would ease off. Steve was out of control. I could see that. He was totally
lost in the moment.

I got off him, and lowered myself to his waist. I told him to raise his
hips off the blanket so I could get his underwear off totally. Ahhh, so
sweet. What I saw enthralled me. He had a beautiful cut dick. I was pleased
as I never saw one like that before as I was not circumcised. I always
found the size issue a complete nonsense. I would be just as happy with
something small as I would something mammoth sized, maybe even happier.
It's like life, diversity works. Steve was I suppose a good six inches. If
it were possible, the very sight of his manhood made my lust double in its
strength.

I moved my face within an inch of his penis. I wanted to savor it. In doing
so I inhaled deeply. I moaned in deep pleasure at his scent. I threw
self-control out the window at the sight and scent of it all, and engulfed
the head of his dick into my mouth. "Oh! God! David!" Steve shouted a little
louder than he should have. His animal instincts were coming out on him
when he began to shove his member in and out of my wanting mouth. I
instinctively began stroking my hard member as he fucked my mouth
amorously.

Steve began to whimper again, I knew he was very close as his cock swelled
in my mouth that much more. I speeded up my stroking to catch up with his
timing. I certainly wanted to taste his cum, but I more so wanted us to
climax together, and face to face. I decided to go for the latter of the
two...

When I figured we were both way overdue I removed my mouth from his dick
and carefully yet hastily got on top of him and positioned our raging
members to slide together. Steve was lost in the feeling and now moaning
repeatedly. I put my arms around his waist and rolled over pulling him on
top of me where he instantaneously began to thrust his body into mine.
Taking advantage of this position I slid my hands down to his amazingly
firm ass and squeezed for all he was worth... I began to moan as much as he
did now and in the heat of it all I would squeeze hard and push down on his
ass, as he thrusted downwards on me.

"Dave, oh god Dave... I am going to blow right now!" "Do it Steve, do it
now. Argh! Oh god, I'm cumming!" Just then time stood still. All sounds
ceased to exist, all I could hear is his and my grunting and breathing. I
felt his extremely hot jism shoot into my groin and squirt up my stomach.
No more than did he shoot did I follow suit. I erupted so hard the pressure
of it hit Steve on the chin and the rest either stayed on one of our
crotches or landed on my chest.

We moaned and whimpered for what seemed an eternity. Alas, even eternity
had to end. Steve collapsed on top of me, where he just cuddled into me
happily. "I love you...." Steve whispered barely audible into my ear. I
never felt more whole as I did that very SECOND. I wrapped my arms around
his back, just below his shoulder blade and kissed his mouth deeply.

-----

Steve kept reaching over and rubbing my leg all the way home. I can't speak
for him but I wouldn't have felt better if I had discovered the lost city
of Atlantis. Everything was wonderful... almost everything. Despite just
coming off the highest high I was ever on, still in the back of my mind
loomed fear. Fear of exactly what I am not sure.  I hated the fact of
having to be so secretive, and I just knew that we would want to be around
each other a lot more now that we experienced something so intense
together. How could we stay apart for an entire week at a time now? I
couldn't, I wouldn't... and I don't think Steve wanted to either. But if we
spent more time together... then our chances of being found out would
threefold.

Then there was Kelly, who appeared to be in love with Steve. She also seemed
to be the type that would seek revenge on us if she ever found out. That
alone scared the hell out of me.

Oh it was way too quiet. The radio was not on, and only the sound of the
engine and tires gave company to my ears. Steve had stopped rubbing my leg
some minutes ago, even he seemed in his own little world now. The scary
part was, I think he too was thinking the very same as myself.

I kept thinking about how in a matter of minutes I would be curled up in
his bed, his warm body pressed against mine and there we would protect each
other. Not from the outside world but more likely from our very selves.  We
were so worried about getting caught that we put our own happiness on the
back burner. We would now lower ourselves to periodic visits where we could
let our true feelings flourish all the time knowing that this just could
not go on.

We were completely stuck. This was not the time or place to reveal
ourselves to the world around us as it would be totally non-supportive. Yet
we could not go back to where we were for we had discovered a new level of
living. We had meaning. Living the meaning was the problem.

I laid awake for hours after Steve had fallen asleep thinking about this. It
almost felt surreal. Like we were in some other dimension and I had to stay
awake to protect him from the evils of the place. His warm back was pressed
into my stomach as he lay there totally still. His breathing comforted me.

I made another vow that night. I vowed to myself that no matter what the
circumstances bring our way, I will never let him go. Through heaven and
through hell I would be with him.

I flung my arm over his waist and kissed his shoulder before I finally
decided to rest my mind and body. Perhaps I was being paranoid, or perhaps
I was being realistic. All I knew was that things would change, they had
to. What the change brought was my concern.


... To Be Continued ...

Okay, all, don't expect another for at least a week. I got major work to do
IRL. *whines and kicks*