Wes bugged me all night about who my wandering eye was on, but I played dumb to Karla's statement, much to her amusement. She could be such a bitch! I wasn't sure why we were friends at all sometimes. The movie finally ended and we were all still awake, which was a miracle since it was, like, six hours long. It was in the wee hours, and, once more, I was on the back porch, looking into the clear night sky with stars twinkling above me.
"So, mister, I have a secret. How long do you think it'll be before you crack?" Wes asked, his beautiful grin next to me in the pale moonlight.
"Long, long time," I smiled back.
"Why is it such a big secret?" he asked.
"It's just...it's personal, Wes." I sighed when his face fell. He thought I didn't trust him.
"I understand," he said quietly.
"No, Wes, you really don't," I sighed.
"Why don't you explain it then?" he asked softly.
"It's...complicated," I replied.
"Would you please try? I'm sorry if I am being nosy, I really don't mean to be, but I'm...I'm a little desperate to have you trust me, Erik," he said looking into my eyes, and damn those eyes.
"Wes, I...," I fought a battle that had no clear path to victory. I was against a wall and what could I possibly say?
"I'm sorry," Wes said, shaking his hands in front of himself, "I have no right to ask. I'm sorry Erik."
"Wes, I'm gay," I blurted.
I studied his face for a reaction as he looked at me, expressionless. It's disturbing how some people can make their face just like a wall, turning off all emotions.
"Oh," was all Wes said. We stood there in the moonlight. Me falling apart inside, and Wes with his unreadable expression. My nerves were running like a high-tension wire, fraught with energy. I Imagined I felt beads of sweat, large as high-caliber bullets forming on my brow. And I was sure my clothes were forming wet spots where the perspiration was soaking through.
"That's all you are going to say?" I whispered.
"I'm not sure what to say, this is new for me," Wes hesitated, then headed for the sliding door, "I need to use the bathroom," he said over his shoulder.
I looked out across the lawn, my mind caving in as I realized I had done what he asked, but may have lost him by honoring the request. The back yard became somewhat blurry as I realized I may have just ended a friendship before it had truly come to fruition.
"Erik? What's wrong?" Karla asked from just to my left. I looked at her with my blurry eyes and she looked like that Muench painting, "Scream". I blinked and she swam into focus, a concerned expression on her face.
"Erik?" she asked softly, "are you all right?"
"I just told Wes I'm gay," I said while the drops began to trek down my face.
"Oh my God!" she whispered.
"He felt a sudden need to get away from me," I sighed raggedly as my body tried to work towards wracking sobs.
"I'm so sorry, Erik. I know how you feel about Wes," she said and drew me into a hug. This was why we were friends. She always pushed the envelope, made me go out farther and farther from my safe little center. But, if something went wrong, she would put salve on my wounds and give me the hug that I desperately needed. I was suddenly angry, frustrated and filled with an impotent rage.
"This was why I didn't want to come out! This was why I didn't say anything!" I threw my hands up as I moved away from her, "I was afraid Karla, do you see why now? I barely know Wes. I want to know him a lot better. I was feeling like maybe it was all cool, but now I realize that, no, you've made a little error there," I sighed deeply, my breath catching, no matter how much I tried to calm it.
"I'm sorry, Erik. I never realized," Karla began.
"Karla, shut up. I love you. I do, but you can't fix this with sorry. I can't either. It's all broken, and...I just have to think, I guess," I replied before heading inside where I hooked my shoes from their place next to the front door and headed out to my car.
The car turned slowly, the cold night affecting the old starter, but it kicked into life and I backed down the driveway with my shoes on the seat next to me. My headlights blazed a trail though the night, wisps of fog swirled around the nose of the car. I pulled slowly onto my street and glided to a halt in front of my house.
I let myself in silently and made my way to my room, leaving the lights off. I undressed in the dark, moonlight shining through my opened curtains to illuminate my reflection in my dresser mirror. I suppose with a little more light you'd see the puffed up eyes, the red rims and wet lashes. As it was, all you could see was the abject misery on the face in the mirror, the lost expression of a child that wonders, "what do I do now?"
I peeled off my shirt and dropped my pants to the floor before climbing onto my bed, the moonlight glowing off my exposed chest. I sighed deeply as my mind saw Wes's face...his beautiful face as he turned from me. I shivered and shuddered a sob from my body as I curled into a ball and cried into my pillow, gradually falling into a fitful sleep.
The morning sun shone onto my face and I instantly regretted the open curtains. I opened my eyes and crawled to the window before closing the offending curtains and their accompanying sunlight, then crawled back to bed.
"'Bout time you woke up, sleepyhead," Toby's voice woke and thrashed the weariness from my eyes. I sat up and looked at him, sitting in the beanbag chair.
"How did you get here?" I asked, half awake.
"I know where the spare key is?" he answered with a grin.
"Why are you here? Jesus! Can't I have time to think?" I growled as I lay back on my back.
"I was worried! Everyone was, Erik. I had to be sure you'd be OK. Besides, I thought you might need a friend right now," he sighed as he got up from the beanbag. I heard him cross the room, and then his face hovered above mine, dark circles under his eyes, and him looking all rumpled and cute.
"I just...freaked, I guess," I replied.
"You're beanbag makes a lousy mattress," Toby stated. I looked at him with one eye before scooting over to make room for him. He slipped under the blankets with me, fully clothed, except his shoes, and lay looking into my eyes.
"You OK?" he asked.
"I'm scared," I replied truthfully.
"Why?" he asked.
"I guess because I may have lost Wes. I guess because...I worked so long to keep what was inside me, well, inside me. Now it's out, and it can hurt me," I murmured.
"Your friends will never leave you, Erik," he said softly.
"That's what I'm afraid of," I mumbled.
"If it makes you feel any better, Karla feels like shit," Toby grinned.
"Ok, in some twisted way, I do feel a little better," I managed a small smile.
"Do you love him?" Toby asked.
"Wes, you mean?" I asked. Toby responded by nodding, his hair making a swishing sound as it moved against the fabric of the pillowcase. I sighed deeply.
"I think about him a lot," I bit my lower lip, "I don't know if I know what love really is. I don't know if that's what I feel. I don't really know much about him, I just know I like what I do know," I replied.
"What if he was OK with you?" Toby asked.
"Is he?" I asked, hope blossoming brightly in my chest.
"Not sure. Karla has him right now," he replied.
"Hasn't she done enough?" I groaned.
"Let's just say she feels the need to make amends," Toby smiled.
"So, what's you're role in this then?" I asked.
"I get to console you, and take care of you for a little while," he smirked.
"Toby, can I ask you to do something stupid?" I looked at him with eyes that were somewhat blurry again.
"Sure, man," he replied.
"Will you just hold me?"
"Of course I will," he said. I folded my arms in on myself and he pulled me to him, and I nestled into his chest, sobbing quietly. He held me close, fingers softly rubbing on my back, then to my neck. His touch was gentle and warm on my bare skin. To my horror I began to get aroused, feeling a familiar thickening in my groin. I began to pull away, but Toby refused to let me, and my distress grew proportionately to my erection. I tried thinking of something completely unattractive, but Toby's scent kept intruding on me, and the heat of his body and the many points at which we were in physical contact drove me to unheard of stress levels.
"Erik, you're supposed to be relaxing," Toby said. Was he teasing me? Was the asshole trying to turn me on?
"Toby, I need to...ah," I couldn't come up with a plausible reason to ask him to let go. I looked into his eyes and was suddenly caught there. The intense look that reflected from his bright eyes caught my breath in my throat. He was trying to turn me on!
"Erik, I'd like to scratch an itch," Toby said with a soft, dopey smile that was just a bit fearful, "I love you, always have and always will. But, I'm not in love with you," his voice dropped to a whisper, "but I'd like to spend a few minutes knowing what it's like to make love with you."
He lowered his face towards mine, his smooth skin and scent that was all Toby moved in close to me and at last...contact. His soft lips met mine and the feeling was like no other. I had nothing to compare the warm, soft pressure of his lips. I felt my arms, unbidden, move to hold him in place. Slowly, gently, his tongue touched my lips, traced across the upper and then lower before his lips were back in place and pulling my lower lip into his mouth, so gently, so softly, so lovingly.
His tongue pushed softly and separated my lips, and I wrapped my lips about his tongue, savoring his taste and completely lost in the moment. His tongue darted in and out of my mouth, teasing my own tongue and I followed his retreat into the warm confines of his mouth. His lips encircled my tongue and applied a gentle suction, his tongue toying with my own tongue, brushing and swirling underneath and across the top, driving me insane.
My hands slid under the back of his shirt and up his smooth back, the heat of his skin intoxicating under my exploring fingertips. I felt each rib, the angle of his shoulder blades and the soft, warm, smooth skin that covered it all.
His hair hung down and tickled my forehead as he continued to please my mouth and send my senses into overload. I gripped his strong shoulders beneath the fabric of his tee shirt, and finally ran my hand into his silken hair, soft and slightly damp as he worked into a sweat from our building passions.
His mouth broke contact with mine and he smiled at me, a beatific smile that sent me into deeper throes of passion. He kissed my cheek then moved to my right side, enveloping my earlobe in his warm mouth. I hissed with heretofore unknown pleasure, blood roaring in my ears as the sensations rushed through me. He moved from my ear to my neck, and I squirmed under the intense feelings, almost a tickle, but more passionate.
My nerve endings tingled as he left a warm, wet trail on my skin as he moved to my collarbone and I tugged on his shirt, forcing his head up for a moment as the cloth slid over his head. But the loss of contact was momentary as he dove back down to my skin, landing on my left nipple which was now exposed to his probing tongue.
"Oh my God, Toby," I sighed as he swirled his tongue across my sensitive nipple that was now hard under his teasing, masterful mouth. He lifted his head momentarily to blow lightly on the wet, exposed skin which brought yet a new experience to me, and then he dove down again. The change in temperature was intoxicatingly erotic. Then he was moving in between my pecs, angel-kissing his way to the right side where he teased the nipple with just the tip of his tongue. I sighed deeply as he moved his mouth up to my collarbone again and then to my neck, where I squirmed again at his warm, gentle proddings at the sensitive skin.
"Toby," I said, as I took his face in my hands, "where is this coming from?" "A deep desire to know you in the most intimate way possible," Toby replied, while looking down at me, hair straggling in front of his eyes. And he was dead cute!
"Why now?" I asked as he hovered above my face.
"Yesterday you were straight," he replied, before he locked lips with me again and my questions tried to drift into nothingness as the feelings Toby elicited in me took control. I pushed him over, rolling on top of him and looking deeply into his gray eyes, I spoke my deepest fear, a fear I hadn't known I had.
"If we do this, things will be different. I can't lose you too Toby," I said in a husky whisper. I desperately wanted to continue, but my brain had thrown up one last mandatory question.
"We'll be closer than ever, Erik," Toby traced my face with his fingertips, "I'm not asking you to be my boyfriend. Like I said, I'm not in love with you. I just want to love you, to take away some of your pain. I want you to know you're attractive, Hell,\! Sexy! And, most of all...I always wanted to try," he smiled, a soft loving smile, and my inhibitions washed away as we met in a kiss to rival the first.
His hands wandered down my back and to the elastic of my boxers, deftly sliding under and grabbing a handful of my ass in each firm grip. I groaned into his mouth as he kneaded my cheeks and grinding our hardness together. I moved from his mouth and to his earlobe, as he had done to me, and pulled the sensitive skin into my mouth, rolling it with my tongue and being rewarded with his soft groans of pleasure. I moved to his neck and felt him squirm under my probing tongue, the soft flesh feeling super heated under my inquisitive mouth. I moved down, trailing the tip of my tongue across his collarbone and then snared his nipple in my mouth, nipping lightly with my teeth.
"Jesus, Erik, you sure you never did this before?" he asked me in a heated whisper.
"Quick learner," I mumbled before moving to the opposite nipple and playing the tip of my tongue across his sensitive skin. I moved my tongue, swirling and teasing the smooth, taut flesh before moving down to his flat stomach. I sat up on his legs and looked down at his belt buckle. I might have hesitated, but I think I knew if I hesitated it would stop and I'd never know.
My fingers moved across his smooth stomach and hooked under the leather of his belt, loosening it from the loops and finally having enough slack to undo the buckle. That out of the way, I undid the button and pulled the zipper slowly, my gaze fixed on the show that was happening in front of me. The black briefs hung snugly to the hard flesh beneath, the outline showing in sharp relief.
I tugged on his pants, sliding down the bed as I did so, and revealing his somewhat pale, well-formed legs. Small black hairs dotted his firm skin, ending in his bare feet. I ran my fingers up his legs, savoring the feeling of his muscled leg and the feel of the tiny hairs under my hand. I dove my hand to stroke the inner thigh, and Toby sighed softly as I moved my hand to his covered balls. They slid from beneath my gentle grasp as I trailed my fingertips up the concealed shaft and to the band of his briefs.
"Erik, I thought I was seducing you?" he asked softly.
"All complaints must be made in writing, and may be submitted to the main office during regular business hours. Thank you," I replied without meeting his gaze, but grasping the band and pulling down insistently until he lifted his hips to assist my efforts. The briefs were truly an affront as I discovered what they hid. It was beautifully proportioned and glistening at the tip with clear fluid. I pulled the underwear off the rest of the way, assisted by his lifting his legs and he lay nude before me, an uncertain apprehension on his face.
"Am I OK, Erik?" he asked.
"You are...a work of art," I breathed, as I finally met his eyes and saw the lie. He was in love, no matter what he said when he started, and his love showed in the concern in his eyes, and the light that danced just behind the concern.
I moved my hands back onto his legs and up his thighs, tracing the inner thigh once more with just my fingertips and stimulating each hair in their path. I made contact with his sac, indescribably warm and sensual, and then my fingers had settled on his cock. I wrapped my fingers around it, one overlaying the next in a gentle grasp that turned into a firm squeeze, which caused Toby to sigh deeply, and more fluid to leak from the tip.
I moved down, my breath stirring the hairs on his thighs, inhaling the scent of his sac, the musky scent that was Toby. How had I missed him in this quest for self-discovery? Had he been looking back at me when I was too busy not letting him know I was looking at him? I pressed my mouth onto his sac, opening and allowing first one, then the other to enter. I sucked gently, scraping my tongue along the underside with some pressure eliciting a sharp gasp from Toby.
I moved my mouth up between the balls and to the shaft, lifting it with my fingers, and placing the tip of my tongue on the tip of his penis, tasting the sugary sweetness of his pre-cum. His groan, barely muffled by his arm draping across his mouth told me I was on the right track. I lowered my mouth onto the head of his dick, feeling the ridge on the top and teasing the soft tip with a slowly swirling tongue.
"Oh my God, Erik!" He whispered fiercely. It was all I needed to hear as I dropped even more of him into my mouth, bobbing and feeling the steadily building ache in my jaw as I sucked and tried to keep my teeth away from the hot skin that was sliding between my lips. Each time I moved to the top of his shaft I swirled my tongue across the sensitive tip, and squeezed the lower part of his shaft while kneading his balls with my other hand.
"Erik, I can't hold it any more!" he whispered loudly as I felt his balls move up towards his body and the first shot exploded across the roof of my mouth, the second slamming onto the back of my tongue, the third overloading my mouth and running back out and down his shaft as I worked to swallow what I had. I descended on his shaft again, after the precious fluid I had failed to catch the first time. He suddenly pushed me away, smiling bashfully before murmuring about his dick being sensitive. I smiled at him, pleased with my efforts and painfully aware of my own delicate condition, pre cum having generously coated my boxers.
"Do you mind if I finish seducing you now?" he asked as he pulled me down on top of him and began to kiss me like he would never get another chance. He turned me over until I was on my back, never once breaking the kiss, before moving to my ears, neck and nipples, which sent my temperature through the roof. Sweat was standing out on my whole body as he moved down and hooked my boxers, tugging gently but firmly. He moved his hands down my legs, laying butterfly kisses along my smooth skin.
Then he began moving back up, kissing slowly and leaving small wet spots where his tongue had pushed at my skin. His mouth probed the interior if my thighs and I spread my legs farther apart to accommodate the wondrous feelings. His hot tongue touched the smooth skin just below my balls and I nearly jumped, pulling the pillow on my face to stifle the noises of passion. He continued to lick and suck at the small, sensitive patch of skin that had me writhing in pleasure, the same ticklish pleasure that his kissing my neck had brought, but ten fold. I felt his warm saliva running into my ass, dripping over my hole.
His mouth moved up and ensnared my balls in one gulp, a sweet sensation as his hands began to knead my ass. My legs spread further as I allowed him more room and finally he was on my shaft, licking and sucking the side as he lovingly moved towards the head.
One of his fingers found my hole and began to work the spit into the skin, moving in slow swirls on my bud. His mouth suddenly engulfed my dick, sending a wave of pleasure though me I didn't know existed.
"Jesus Toby!" I nearly cried out as I sat up before his hands forced me back down onto my back, his mouth continuing to massage my aching tool. His finger pushed against my hole, slipping in just a hair and I jumped again, my cock head becoming more sensitive than ever. He pulled off slightly and went back to the spot just beneath my balls, saliva running down onto the finger that was probing me gently, but so erotically. His finger sank in until I felt his knuckles, and a new sensation rolled over me, an overwhelming feeling of WOW! His mouth returned to my aching cock and began to suck in earnest while probing and pushing with his finger, and finally just sliding it in and out. I grunted as I reached a new level of erotic bliss, filling his mouth and feeling my ass grip his finger tightly.
He continued to lick and clean my stiff and somewhat sensitive cock, and I relaxed as his finger withdrew and he moved up to meet my eyes.
"Was I OK?" he asked.
"Toby, you were wonderful," I said as I pulled him to me, and then the covers over us both as we wrapped our arms around each other.