Date: Tue, 29 Aug 2000 08:00:45 EDT
From: Double A
Subject: Broken Dreams..Chapter 2

	Now, the proper presentation method, as far as I was concerned, was to get
dressed in fairly dressy clothing and present yourself to a potential
employer that way. I mean, not walking into a depanneur wearing a shirt and
tie, and then applying for a clerk duty, because it doesn't work that way.

	A depanneur is what we Quebecers call a convenience store, by the way.
There...Now you learned a new word.

	Anyway, the point is that you want to make it appear, depending on the
circumstance, like you happen to dress like that all the time. To project an
image that you are cleanly attired, without making it appear like you
dressed nicely just to drop off your CV.

	The old "This old thing? I just reached into my closet and pulled out the
first thing that I caught a hold of" trick. They fall for it everytime.

	The problem with that, for me at least, is that the only winter jacket I
had, smelled like a combination of urine and rat litter. So, to compromise,
I left the jacket open a bit when I went out.

	Not that any of this matters, mind you. If you want to know about my job
presentation habits, you could easily read any number of books on the
subject.

	You are sitting there asking me to get to the point, aren't you?
Okay...okay...I just wanted to give you an idea of who I am, really.

	Well, I decided, after an hour or two of dropping off CVs, then walking
away as the people probably tossed it into the trash, I was going to head
down to Vanier and talk to the registrar about getting my hands on a course
guide, so I could see what choices I had, regarding my chosen discipline of
child psychology.

	Yeah, I know...A 20 year old who has dreams about sucking off a kid in his
early teens, is going to go into studying how a child's mind works. Recipe
for disaster, eh?

	Boarding the metro system, I rode all the way to Cote Vertu, and headed
down a street whose name escapes me now, until I arrived at the majestic
buildings of Vanier College. Heck of a school, it looked like. Lots of
potential for camera shots, with all the pristine snow sitting atop the
buildings, long pathways with sled tracks. Totally tranquil shit.

	The registrar's building was at the other side of the campus, so I trudged
my way over, running shoes soaking through with snow, and headed into the
heated complex where the admissions department works. The line wasn't that
long, so I easily got what I had come to get and opted to take a seat at a
nearby table and flip through the guide.

	Seated across from me, at the small oval table, was a young boy who seemed
to be idly flipping through a guidebook as well. Due to the facts that I
wanted to start off the school year right, I was a genuinely nice person,
and this boy, from my brief glances at him, seemed to be pretty attractive
looking, I decided to attempt a conversation.

	Being the shy type, I wanted to gain, at least, a small focus from him,
before I opened my mouth, so I smiled at him. In doing so, I noted his
features were actually quite familiar. He had long black hair and seemed to
emit a vibe that erected a wall around him, asking that people not approach
him. Except for his blue eyes, he looked very similar to Aaron, when he was
younger and had his long hair.

	I sat there smiling for about ten seconds, until I finally got a slight
glance from him. Despite the look of annoyance in his eyes, I bravely came
forward with a confident, "Hey."

	The long-haired boy looked back at me with eyes that sent a signal that he
really didn't want to be bothered.

	"Hi." He replied simply, before looking away from me again.

	I don't know why, but I felt the need to persist in gaining this kid's
attention. After all, I was going into a new school, and in the event that I
saw him in the hallways, at least I could maybe have one acquaintance right
away.

	"Will this be your first semester?" I inquired.

	"Yeah, I guess." He responded, looking up again, still looking like he
wanted me to leave him alone.

	I could see that he wasn't into this conversation, but something about him
made me feel the need to persist in getting a noticeable reaction from him,
in the form of a reply that was slightly more detailed. Maybe it was the way
he was trying so hard to ignore me, yet his eyes now shot quick glances at
me, every once in a while, to see if I was still paying attention to him.
Maybe it was the provocative way that his hair hung slightly in his dark
blue eyes. Maybe it was the shyness and black clothing and the way I knew I
was already hopelessly lost in him. I didn't want to start the whole gay
thing again at this school, but I couldn't help it and, unlike the first
time I fell in love, I was able to identify my feelings for this kid right
away.

	"My name is David." I said, beginning to feel shy, and extended my hand
across the table.

	The kid let out a quiet sigh and put down the guidebook on the table.
Looking up, he stared at me for quite a few seconds. It wasn't so much a
look of annoyance or boredom, as I had anticipated, but more a look of
gentle scrutiny, like someone would use to examine a painting or sculpture.
I could feel his eyes scanning me too, and it was hard not to look right at
them, because I had a thing for blue eyes and this might be my only chance
to gain some acceptance with this boy.

	Finally, with a slight semblance of a smile on his face, he extended his
hand out to meet mine and shook it weakly, stating simply, "Chris."

	"Nice to meet you." I said.

	Chris shrugged and said, "Look, umm...I have to go now, or something.
I'll...umm...see you at school, I guess, or whatever. Okay?"

	I nodded in acceptance and watch him pick up the book and his backpack off
the floor, then get up and slowly walk out of the office. Out of the corner
of my eye, I saw him stop briefly and look back at me, before opening the
door and walking out.

	I let out a long sigh and cursed under my breath at my stupid way of
handling that. Judging by his speech, he was probably just looking for an
excuse to get away from me. Granted, I couldn't just come out and tell him
that I thought he was really attractive, but I at least wanted to leave
Vanier today and be able to tell myself that I had made one acquaintance.
Now, I'd be lucky if he didn't avoid me in the hallways, or drop out of
school all together, just to get away from me.

	Accepting what was, as usual, another failure for the great David Levine,
I, too, packed up my book, and walked out of the registrar's office.

	About twenty steps ahead of me, I could see the boy named Chris walking. I
considered catching up to him and trying again, but I opted not to, because
my self-confidence was beginning to hit an all-time daytime low, and I
didn't have the motivation to attempt another embarrassment like that again.
I simply walked behind him and spotted the lit embers, as he lifted a
cigarette to his mouth.

	That, of course, stopped me in my tracks.

	Taking a deep sigh, I wondered why the hell all the cutest people have to
kill themselves like that. I also vowed to forget about Chris all together.
If he had chosen to smoke, then he had made a preemptive decision to not be
my friend. I wasn't going to go through that again.

	He was really cute, though...