Date: Wed, 11 Dec 2002 10:31:07 -0600 From: Michael Yost Subject: Real World Chapter five Henri thought for a moment about what would happen if he sprayed whip cream on his friend Christov. "I imagine Christov would tell me this would double his fee. Then he would laugh, thinking me to be a perfect ass for getting the sheets messy. Non, Christov and I do not share the kind of intimacy you have with your young man. Christov doesn't believe in relationships. He believes in pay. He barely tolerates friendships. He won't admit it but he does love you." "I know," Pete said, smiling shakily, starting to lose his nerve concerning his nocturnal plan with the whip cream, "I'll wait a while then I'll sneak up on Josh." "Be bold. Be a dashing caviler," Henri advised. Damion went up the stairs to Josh's bedroom. Shirts, jeans, necklaces all had been tossed helter-skelter inside the suitcase laying on the bed. Picking up Josh's journal, Louis opened it, reading the first page to himself. Take Pete to the opera, Damion read to himself. Louis noticed the sentence was lightly crossed out with a pencil Down below the crossed out sentence was written the words: Take Pete dancing at the Vortex, and then . . . (: Louis shook his head indulgently. He kept reading the rest of the journal's passages. Crossed out was the sentence; Go to Alder Planetarium to look at the stars and planets with Pete. Written below and highlighted were the words: Go shopping at Bad Boy's Boutique for thong underwear. Beg and plead like the whipped, little boy I am!! (I'd do anything to talk him out of those ugly flannel boxers he loves to wear! ):) Beg till Pete promises to wear at least one throng at least once, and then . . . (: Josh had drawn a huge pair of boxers with a huge "X" slashed on them. "Josh," Damion breathed out his son's name. He continued to read out crossed out passages: Go to the aquarium and get fishy with Pete. Go to the library to get good books to read with Pete in bed. Go to Frank Lloyd Wright's historical landmark home and studio, go to art galleries. Walk through the Botanical Gardens with Pete,. All of these passages in black ink were lightly crossed out with a pencil. High lighted in yellow, surrounded with little hearts was written: Take Pete to the beach and whine like a rabid dog still he consents to wearing the thong swimming trunks I bought him. Damion viewed where Josh wrote in capital letters: BETTER IDEAL: Pete wears thong swimsuit for my private viewing only!!!!! After private viewing, we both change into our Speedo's, go swimming, and then XXXXX!!!! Take Pete to Rosco's for more dancing: NOTE TO SELF: DO NOT BLOW IT BY FLIRTING WITH THE HOT GO-GO BOY DANCERS!!!!!! Remember your goals in life!!!! And then XXX!!! Take Pete to Spin's and play pool and take him into a back room, and suggest!!!!!!!!!!!XXX!!!!!! Work out at the cheetah gym, go to the skate boarding park with Pete, and then, YES, and then!!!!! Damion blushed, before he could stop himself he turned to the next page of the journal. There was a cartoon drawing of Pete in a tux with the caption: "THEN ASK PETE TO MARRY ME!! SET THE DATE FOR THE END OF NEXT MONTH. YES. YES!!!!!!!! The journal slipped out of Damion's hands. "Non, non, non," Damion whispered, crossing himself. "Hey dads," Josh cried, throwing the door to his bedroom open, hurrying to his suitcase. "You don't have to do this. I promise I was going to fold my clothes before I left." Damion blankly looked at his son, muttering , "Non, non, non." "Is something the matter dads?" Josh said, picking up the journal, "Um, dads, did you read this?" "Non, non, oui," Damion cried, "Josh, about what you wrote in your journal. This idea of marriage." "I want to get married after I come back from Chicago." Josh said happily. Non, not so soon. My God, Josh. Pete monopolizes your time too much. I was in an obsessive relationship." You still are in one, Josh thought glumly to himself. "These relationships where you are so fixated on one person only leads to the lessening of one's personal growth. Especially at your age," Damion went on to say mildly, "I want you to stop seeing Pete when you're in Chicago." "Dads you can't be serious." "I am," Damion said firmly, "Think of the opportunities for enrichment you have crossed out in your journal. The museums, the opera. And for what! To woo Pete at night clubs and the beach? This is preposterous At your age you should be experiencing a variety of what life has to offer. Josh I had to be responsible for my family at an early age due to my father's death. And I feel I missed out on all of the possibilities young men enjoy should enjoy. A sterling education in a sterling school. The opportunity to travel. At such a young age to be thinking of marriage before you've even settled into a career! You're digging yourself into a hole of mediocrity." You mean like the variety of men you enjoy when you become in one of your self destructive moods? Josh thought angrily. Josh felt guilty and disloyal, knowing his dads was no longer prursuring his path of cruising for men when he became depressed or felt he was out of control. It was like a drunk's need for alcohol but it went deeper than that. He knew it was his father's deep inner sense of loss and failure which caused him to punish himself, and to often, even through it was the last thing his dads wanted to do, often he hurt the ones he claimed to love the most. At least now that he's with Les he doesn't cheat on him. Why did he have to cheat on Daniel? Why did he have to cheat on me? At least he could be happy now that he's back with Les his first lover so we could all stop worrying about him. Maybe he's incapable of loving someone enough to be happy. I want to wipe the smudges out from under your beautiful green eyes. Ever since you went back to Les you seem to keep your pain quiet, and deep inside of you rather than lashing out at yourself by having sex with a stranger or strangers whom you're cruel to. After you were brutalized by the serial killer Anthony, you're this patient ghost who finds it hurtful to manage anything but a tired smile for us all. Indulging Les in all his whims. Escaping in your books and art. Except when you're with Daniel. Then you seem a little bit like the vibrant, independent, laughing man you were when you first adopted me. You couldn't stay faithful to Daniel. Why? Is it because you feel you're not worth it for someone to love? Can't you see I feel more than worth it. I want the person I love to love me back. I want to let Pete love me. "Dads." Josh mumbled, "Pete's good enough for me." "Really? What about that night when Pete went out on a date with someone else? You went through three gallons of blood and butter buckle ice cream." "Two gallons," Josh blurted out. "I found the third cartoon rotting underneath your bed." "I know why you're upset, Dads. I'll reconsider about my position on not going to Turlane University. I'll go to the libraries, and the planetarium. All those places you wanted me to go to. The theatre, the operas." Josh cried, trying desperately not to whine, "It's just that. You know how it is. Everything is shut down during the night. It's hard to take Pete to something like an art gallery." "So go with someone else," Damion said in a sensible tone which tolerated no argument. "But!" "Son," Damion said in a soft voice filled with insistence, "You will not see Pete in Chicago. You will attempt to try to be interested in other things, other people." "Dads, I," Josh cried, burning to tell Louis that not seeing Pere was impossible, "I'll think about it," Josh said his rebellion backing down from the force of the gentle look on his father's uncompromising face. "I'm sure you'll come to your senses," Damion said briskly, folding more of Josh's clothes, making sure they had crisp, sharp, unwrinkled lines. "At your age you hardly know yourself much less know someone enough to be so called in love with them. Besides, thrusting someone as immature as Pete in a situation where has to raise two small children is unfair to the boy." "I can handle raising Ace and Tabby. I'm sure Pete can handle it too," Josh said, trying his best not to sound as angry as he felt. A small, amused smile graced Damion's lips, "Of course you can son. All I'm asking is find yourself some time to be a boy first. Go to the university. What is four or six, perhaps eight years? If you still think you're in love with Pete them marry him. Your problem Josh has always been of plunging into things too fast without thinking things out first." Genuine pride and happiness and reproach were in Josh's dads' words. "You're right," Josh mumbled, resigned to the fact he couldn't stand up to his dads. Not when his dads was like this. Calm and authoritative. Frankly, he barely could ever stand up to his dads no matter what his dads approach was. What kind of legacy can I give you my son? Damion thought, How can I teach you to be a kind much less an honorable man? Creatures such as you and I how can we find happiness in acts of kindness, virtue, honor and respect, when nightly the hunger in us turns into an insane starvation to kill. All I can teach you is all of which I could teach my first daugher, Tara. To admire the finer things in life. The cold things. Paintings, pretty china, classical music, marble statues, and beautiful poetry, the theatre. Cold in their own way in that there is no inner warmth of their own making which can be found in them. Unlike the warmth you would find in the creators of these objects of art. The warmth you can only find in the regard of a good human being. Pete is cold. Always prefect like a well crafted doll. Look how Les is at this moment involved with Dora. Look at his past fatale infatuation with mortal Devon. Tara's tragic fascination for her mortal Jean. That is how things will go with you two. The calculated coldness inside of you both which allows you and Pete to kill will destroy your relationship. Soon you or Pete will seek the warmth and goodness of a mortal lover. Better for it to be sooner than not before you and Pete make a foolish commitment would only cause you both sorrow in trying to maintain. After his dads left, Josh flopped onto the bed, thinking, Great if I tell dads no, I'll be proving to him I'm obsessed with Pete. If I continue to say yes. Josh's eyes widened, All my dreams All my plans. Destroyed. Why do I have to listen to dads? Daniel understands I love Pete just as much as he still loves Dads. Why does dads think everything has to have a bad outcome? Why can't he be happy for me about what I want to do with my life? I guess he thinks I'll end up like Trisha. I'm not like Trisha. I want to go to school. I want Pete in my life too. Pete is not immature. How would dads know? Does he dream about Pete everyday in his coffin like I dream about Pete everyday during class? Picking up a football, Josh kept tossing it up and down, thinking about what Louis said to him. He heard something hitting against the glass of his window. Opening up the window, he saw Pete down below. Pete was holding pebbles in his hand, and hiding something behind his back. "Can I come up, Juliet?" Pete whispered shyly. How do I tell him I'm not supposed to see him for months, Josh thought miserably panicking. His hands gripping the widow pane. Dads is being ridiculous, I'm nineteen years old! He acts like this is still the eighteenth century. And the stupid thing about all of this is if there was nothing but sex between Pete and I he wouldn't care. It would be a matter of something boys do together while growing up. "Climb up here," Josh whispered. Skillfully, Pete scaled the wall on all fours, jumping through the window. "I got something for you," Pete breathed. Jerking his hand holding the whip cream forward. He accidentally slammed it against Josh's nose. Whipped cream sprayed all over the place. Josh choked. Breathing whip cream into his lungs. Falling on the ground, Josh gagged. His nose feeling like it had been slammed by a two by four. "Josh, I'm sorry, I," Pete cried, "Does it hurt?" Pete heard someone running up the stairs. "What is gong on here?" Damion cried, running to be at Josh's side. "Damion I, " Pete stammered, hiding the whip cream container behind his back. "What happened? What happened?" Ace cried. His three year olds face grinning with delight, "Pete why did you beat up daddy?" "I didn't beat up Josh!" Pete gasped.