Date: Thu, 29 Jul 2004 21:30:52 -0700 (PDT) From: Jeff harrington Subject: Renni's Life/chapter 4 (gay male/high school) Chapter 4 -- The Party Kevin was a constant surprise to me, I always think I have him figured out and he does something completely different. We must have been quite the site, Gabriel with his hands clutching my backside and, oddly enough, I had finally got my hands in his pants. I didn't get a feel of anything though; the sudden entry of my brother into the kitchen kinda ruined the mood, neither one of us were too perky. I though that Kevin would have gotten upset at someone kinda having their way with me. Ever since we were little boys he was always looking out for me, I would almost say overprotective. "For goodness sakes just wash your hands before you bring the gumbo out." Kevin said to us. He just turned around and stepped back into the dining room and right out the patio doors. "That was not what I was expecting at all." Gabriel stated. "Me neither, that was almost surreal." I said, "Come on let's clean up and take this out there. I suddenly have an appetite." I got to the patio doors and I suddenly stopped, I had this dread fear of going outside and it boiled down to what my brother could've done after he left us in the kitchen. "What's wrong?" Gabriel asked "What if my brother told everyone what he saw?" "Why are you worried?" "I just don't really wanna deal with them at the moment is all. He might not have looked like it, but Kevin was pissed and he will want to talk to me later about what he saw." "So, don't worry about it, you'll be fine. After all he's just your brother, not your father." Gabriel said opening the patio door for me. "You know your right? He's just my brother." Stepping outside everyone looked at us, for a minute I thought every one of them knew what had gone on in the kitchen. "I was beginning to wonder about you two, we figured either you guys had made up or killed each other." Deandre stated. "Ah, we're getting along great. I was making sure that the gumbo was perfect is all." I explained. "Kevin said you guys were getting on great." Deandre said. That would've been funny if it hadn't been me in the situation, maybe I will laugh about all this later, but I didn't think so. Kevin on the other hand just shot me a smile, I knew it well, hadn't seen it in a long time though, it's that `I gotcha by the balls' smile. We sat down at the table to eat, there were hot dogs and hamburgers and salads of all kinds. Gabriel and I sat down a couple of seats so we could talk more to each other, but there was so much noise that I don't think anyone would've heard us anyways. "So," began Gabriel, "would you like to continue our relationship." "Yeah, I would. I just wanna keep it on the downlow for awhile." "No problem with that, I would prefer to let everyone know. I can wait until your ready." "Hey Ren," said Shane as he sat down beside me, "sorry I'm late, mom just wouldn't leave me alone." "That's cool, this Gabriel." I introduced. They shook hands and then Shane laughed, he looked at me, and then at Gabriel and they both laughed. I missed something. "It was you wasn't it?" Shane asked Gabriel, who just nodded in agreement and laughed again. "What is so funny?" I asked them both. "Did you look at yourself before you came out?" Shane asked. "No, why." "Swear you won't freak out or make a big a deal out of it?" inquired Shane "I can't make a promise like that without knowing what it is, but I will try to keep my cool." I responded. "Well, there appears to be a large hickey on your neck." laughed Shane. I must have turned nine or ten shades of red; I certainly felt like I had, "Is it bad looking?" "Not yet, but there's a good chance it will be." "Damn, do you think anyone else noticed?" I was almost on the verge of panicking, "Why did you give me a hickey?" "It's not my fault you have sensitive skin." said Gabriel smiling, "Besides that really wasn't my goal." "You mean no one else knows that you two are..." "No and don't tell them either." I said to Shane. "Fine." sighed Shane, "They'll find out sooner or later anyways, whether you want them to or not." At the other end of the table was my brother, Myca and Chad. Well, I know that my bro wouldn't say anything in front of Chad. That was a relief, but he most certainly would tell Myca, they never kept secrets from each other. I have hopes of avoiding my brother tonight. If I had my way, the rest of my life about the event he witnessed. I didn't say anything, but he was probably right. I never could keep a secret anyways and I would probably, inadvertently do something to give it away. The cookout was great, I hadn't had so much fun in a long time and what made it more interesting was Gabriel. I just couldn't stop looking at him, he was gorgeous. He had the most kissable, full lips I ever saw, I had a sudden urge just to lean over across the table and plant one right on him. It looked as if the party was going to go well into the night, Sebastian and Gabriel's parents excused themselves for the evening and left the rest of us to talk, eventually we all kinda went into our own little groups to talk to each other. Basically, that means sis, her friends and our friends together, with Gabriel and me together talking. "What do you think their talking about over there?" I asked. "Probably how good we're getting along." "No doubt," I said, "So how did you know I was-" "I didn't, I took the chance." "If you had tried that a month ago I wouldn't have let you." I said to him. "What you weren't gay a month ago?" he asked almost humorously. "A month ago I would've told you I wasn't gay, but I have been thinking on this now for awhile and I guess I have always been gay. It's just that for a long time I was so focused on my football and social life at school I just set my sexuality aside. I remember always looking at boys a bit longer than girls, fascinated with construction workers, that kinda thing. Since all this shit has happened in my life recently I have had a lot of time to myself. I finally have some personal time and now I am having to deal with it." "It took a psychiatrist to help me deal with it; I have always been in love with you for as long as I could remember." "You had a strange way of showing it." I commented. He smiled, "Well, I just didn't know how to show it, or any emotions for that matter. It was so strange, whether it was happiness, anger or sadness it would just stay in me and go nowhere, I couldn't get it out. I have had a lot of time to think about that incident. If I had been home with my little brother when it happened -- well, I hate to think of that." An uncomfortable silence entered the conversation, he was mulling over something. I believe he had taken a big risk with me, I wonder how I looked to him when he saw me in the kitchen for the first time in two years. I know I have changed a lot in looks and personality, he couldn't have expected it. I had to admit in that moment I was scared, I was about to take a leap into unknown territory. "I am willing to give this relationship a try if you are." I said. Damn I was so nervous. He looked at me and smiled. "I do too; I was trying to figure out a way to say it. I had this fear that what happened in the kitchen was just one of those `in the heat of the moment' type things." "Well it was definitely a moment of heat." I said. He laughed. "I haven't been with anybody you know. I have been saving myself for you." he said. "That makes two of us, I have never been with anybody, boy or girl." "All those stories weren't true?" he asked. "No, it was mostly my football buddies and me making up stories." I said, "So, what do we do now?" "I think we should be alone." Gabriel stated. Now I was really nervous, I had never had sex before and I didn't really know what to expect. I had caught my bro and Myca a couple of times in the middle of their activities. Myca had looked like it was very enjoyable and Kevin was definitely enjoying himself. "Well, if you want we can into the dad's old den. I just use it now for painting and drawing. That kinda stuff." "Sure." Gabriel said. I couldn't believe what was happening; I couldn't believe I was actually going to go through with it. We stood up and headed into the house.