Date: Wed, 11 Oct 2000 11:05:35 -0700 (PDT) From: Bob bonn Subject: Robbie an Phill. Chpt 16. Here ya go guys, part two of three in the final chapters. Ususal disclaimer crap applies. I also feel that I should stress (for chapters before) that any incusion of celebrateires (eg Savage Garden) is purely the work of my mind an has no bearing on there own sexual preference. So there! Hehe. Hope you enjoy it. My mail address is robbieanme@yahoo.com We ran out of the exam hall and Robbie rugby tackled me onto the ground as he pressed his lips to mine. "YYYYYEEEEEESSSSSSS!!!!!!!" We both shouted and the top of our voices. We hugged and kissed all over again. We were so pleased, obviously. We were eighteen, happy, had a year of freedom to come AND had finished the hardest exams you ever have to do, in the UK anyway. "Love you so much" I said to Robbie and kissed him. "Excuse me, Phill, Robbie." It was the headmaster. "Yes sir?" I asked. "I have a message for you. Could you as soon as possible, go to the hospital?" "Hospital? Why?" I asked immediately, concerned. "Apparently, the baby' s on the way," he said very matter a factually. "Shit!" I said, followed by sorry! And we both got up and ran to the car. "SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT!" I said as I got in to find that I only had a few miles worth of petrol. "Drive," Robbie said. So I did. I revved up and let the car fly around the corner. We drove towards the hospital and at the last second, pulled into a petrol station. "Robbie, put a tenner in and I will pay," I said, as I ran into the shop. I paid and ran back to the car. Robbie was already in the driver's seat and pulled away as I shut the door. I turned to look at him and grinned as he smiled that sexy grin right back at me. We screeched around the corner and into a parking spot. We got out and I took Robbie's hand as we started running to the reception. "Hi, where is the baby place?" I said, as words left me. "Down that corridor, left then left again," she said and smiled. We walked very quickly as instructed and came to another reception. We saw Jude standing there. Something was wrong, she didn't look at all right. "Mum?" I asked. "There have been a few complications, Phill. She is in surgery at the moment." "What complications?" I demanded. "The baby hadn't turned properly and the contractions were very severe. They decided it would be much better to operate." "But she is going to be ok, right?" "It depends, Phill. I won't lie to you. She is not in a good way. They think that on top of trying to give birth, she may have a severe blood clot. They can't do anything with it until the baby is out of the way." "Who is the next of kin?" a doctor rushed in an asked. "Mmme" I said. "I need you to sign this form." "Why?" "Because if your mother doesn't have an operation in a matter of minutes, she won't make it." I grabbed the pen from his hand and signed "What about the baby?" I asked. "You have a baby boy, and he is perfect, very healthy. I must go. I will get someone to come and talk to you." He ran off back in the direction of the room and a nurse came back out. "Shall we talk?" she asked and showed us through to a side room. "Is she going to be ok?" "We really won't know until this operation is done. She has a blood clot, in one of her main arteries. This is very life threatening. If the doctors can't remove it successfully, then it wont be good. I am sorry. I hate to tell people things like this. But don't give up hope." "Ccccann, I see my brother?" "Sure, come with me." She lead me out and into another little room, where there was a couple of cots. She lifted him up and showed me how to hold him properly. "Can I go back into the other room with him?" "Yes but be careful, he isn't a doll," she said, as she fussed around him and made sure he was all wrapped up. I walked carefully into the room and instantly the two of them were around me. Robbie wrapped his arm around me and gave me a peck on the cheek. Jude looked at him and played with his hand. We walked over to the seats and sat down. "I wonder how mum is?" I asked to no one. "She is strong," Jude said and ruffled my hair. Robbie wrapped his arm around my shoulder and said, "I am sure she will be ok." I must have come across as a real smooth operator. In truth I was shitting myself. We sat for ages. It seemed like a life time. The baby had been around everyone for a hold. I was holding it again and it had fallen asleep in my arms. My fingers were shaking. "Ok, am I the only one that's scared here?" I asked. "Of cause you are not," Jude said. Time seemed to crawl along, slower and slower. I had done everything I knew how to do, to try and remain calm. I had paced, tapped my fingers, everything. No one said anything, I guess for fear of being wrong, maybe. I handed the baby over to Robbie and stretched my arms, clicked them into place, went to the toilet, and took him back again. There was a knock on the door and I turned white as a sheet as the doctor walked in. I was physically shaking. I had never been this scared before. "I am so sorry, we did everything we possibly.........." That was all I heard. The tears started and rolled down my face. The baby was removed from my arms and as soon as that happened, Robbie was in my arms and had his arms wrapped around me, holding me close to his chest, as I balled my eyes out. I couldn't do it, I needed to be strong. But I couldn't. The tears ran down and I felt them joined by Robbie's tears as his ran down my neck and into the stream of my own tears. I cried for hours, or it seemed like it. As I wiped away the water from my eyes, I looked up to see the nurse looking down on us. "I am sorry to have to do this, but do you want to see the body before it is put away?" "Yyyes," I said and tried to stand up. My legs were weak at the knees. Robbie helped me walk out and into the room. She lay there, eyes closed, looking totally at piece with the world. She even seemed to have a smile on her face. The tears flowed all over again as I saw her, in such a sterile way. A sheet was covering her. "Personal effects that were on her at the time," she said and handed me a bag. I clutched it tight in my hands as Robbie gave me a hug. "Do you want me to go?" he asked. "NO!" I almost shouted. I sat down on the edge of the bed and Robbie stood besides me. DIDN'T YOU GO SEE YOUR DAD OVER CHRISTMAS IN THE LAST CHAPTER???? "Mum, I love you. I know you are happy, because you are with Dad again. But it hurts so much. I will miss you so very much. I will look after him. I will treat him as my own. There is so much I had left to do with you. I wanted you to see my A level results. I wanted you to see Robbie and me when we get whatever gay people get. But I know that you are happy and with dad. I will be strong. Mum, I love you," I said and walked out of the room on my own Robbie following behind. "Phill?" Robbie said. I turned and looked at him. "Phill, I know I don't have to say this, but I love you. I will always be here for you." I opened my arms and Robbie fell into them. "Robbie babe, I know. If you weren't in my life, it wouldn't be worth living." When we got back to the room, Jude was waiting there. NO WAY WOULD YOU TAKE A NEWBORN BABY HOME THE SAME DAY. THEY WOULDN'T HAVE LET YOU HOLD HIM AS LONG AS YOU DID, EITHER. GERMS!!!! "Phill, love, why don't you an Robbie go home? I will pick up the baby." "No, thank you Jude. I promised mum that I would look after him as my own. I am hoping that as Robbie an I wont have the opportunity to have kids together, we may have the opportunity to with him." "Awww, Phill. Do you really mean that?" he asked. "Yea, that's what I hoped." "That would be so great. It really would. What do you want to call him?" "We can talk about this later," Jude said. We sat down and Robbie sat with his arm around me. And I started crying all over again. Some time later, when some degree of control had been established, the doctor came in and told us that 'baby' was ready to go when we were, and how sorry, he was about my mother. I thanked him, took 'baby' from him and we walked out to Jude's car. We all piled in and of course I had to hold the baby in the car because the car seat had been fitted in mums car. The thought made me feel totally down all over again. When we got home there were loads of answer messages. I took the baby upstairs and lay him down on our bed. "Robbie" I called. He came flying up the stairs. "Yes babe." "Would you do something for me?" "Sure." "I need the baby's things from mums room and the cot. I really don't want to go in there at the moment." He slipped his warm arms around my neck and pressed his lips to mine. I really needed that, the physical contact. "Babe I will do anything for you. I know this really isn't the time, so tell me to wait, but did you really mean what you said about you an me bringing him up?" "Yes, I think its what mum would have wanted. I think we will make great parents." Robbie came into our room lugging a load of baby things, nappies, cream etc. When he came out the second time he was carrying bits of the cot. He then put it all together and made it up, whilst I changed the baby's nappy. Ok, so it was a bit lop sided but it would do. "Robbie, do we have any clothes?" He walked in and said "No babes, I can see nothing. I found something, though." "What?" He handed me an envelope. "What the?" The envelope contained about two hundred quid in cash. "I guess she was going to buy clothes when she knew the baby's sex." "Yeah" I agreed and smiled. "What?" "I am thinking of mum and dad looking down on us in this situation. A baby with no name, an no clothes." Robbie giggled. "Come here," I said. We hugged and kissed for ages. We sat on the bed and held the baby together. One arm holding the baby and one around the other. Jude came walking in. "How is it all?" she asked. "Well the nappy thing needs work, but we have a major problem." "What's that?" "He has no clothes," Robbie said. "Be right back," Jude said and disappeared. She came back carrying a blue jump suit with white edges. "Who's is that?" Robbie asked. "Guess." "It's yours, isn't it Robbie?" I said. "You got it!" she said. "Awww, that must have really suited you!" and he blushed. I zipped him up, gave him a kiss as did Robbie and lay him down in the bed and tucked him in. "Phill, are you ok?" she asked. "Jude, thanks for being here. I am not fine but this is my way of dealing with things. Not to deny that it's happened but to distract myself. Time heals the pain, you know? And what with baby, I, sorry, we will have things to do. You will find that I will be ok whilst doing things, but when I have time to stop and think, it wont be great for me. Robbie, I am going to need you so much. Especially, in the evenings. Let me do things my way for a while. I know that they may not be the right way, but it will help. My mum is such a huge part of my life. I will really miss her," I said, as I choked back the tears. "We understand, but please, I know that you will talk to Robbie more than me, an I can understand and accept that, but if you do need to talk, then please just find me." "Thanks." She left and Robbie slipped his legs around me an pulled me back so that he was hugging me. "Well babes, what about this name?" "What about Edward? Edward Stanley?" HEHEHEHE WONDER WHERE YOU GOT THOSE NAMES? BET YOU CALL HIM ED, THOUGH!!!! "WOW! That is so cool. They are really cool. I like that" he said. "Edward Stanley Roberts" "Yea, I think that is really cool. I know this may seem weird but what do we do about names? I mean when we get what ever, do we keep the names we have or go to one?" "I hadn't thought about it." "No, me either." "Robbie I am going to get the phone and the book. Be right back." I spent the next hour or so on the phone to relatives, telling them. It was really not very nice at all. About half way through the newly christened Edward woke up and we got our first taste of his call for food. "Do they do that all the time?" I asked Robbie and he replied yes and rubbed my tears away with his thumbs. "Go an get a bottle of milk, I will get him up. K?" he said. "Ok." I got up and went downstairs and poured the milk into his new bottle that was all laid out, and heated it. Jude, I was guessing. I looked out into the scullery to the brand new pram that mum was so looking forward to pushing. I smiled and said to no one, 'Don't worry mum, I will push it for you'. I went upstairs to our room and handed Robbie the bottle. At least he had stopped him from crying. As Robbie was doing this, I did the hardest part of it and phoned the funeral directors. "Hhhello. I need some help organising a funeral." I went on to explain that I didn't want a church funeral as I knew that my mum wasn't a Christian an neither was I. I wanted her to be buried next to dad, which wouldn't be a problem, I was assured. All I wanted was a collection of friends and family, to pay their respects. I was assured that it would be taken care of and that they would be able to organise it all for me. I just had to decide on the day. I made it three days from now, as felt mum should be with dad as soon as possible. They said that so his personal time wasn't interrupted by anything unrequired they would mail me the invoice for everything. "Robbie, I will be back," I said and went to see Jude. "Jude, I don't know how any of this works, but how do I go about closing mums accounts an things." "Phill, let me do this for you. I will handle all the things like that for you, ok?" "Thanks Jude." "Sure." SEE, I KNEW DAMN WELL HE WOULDN'T BE CALLED STAN!!!! HEHEHEHEHE I went back up and finished all the funeral things. Robbie spent the time playing with Edward and keeping a caring eye on me. "They don't have much battery power, do they?" Robbie said, as I finished my last call and wiped the tears away. "Sorry?" "Look, he's tired again," he said. "Well, it is nine o'clock. I am going to bed. You coming?" "Yea." We both went down to Jude and said our goodnights. "Boys, word of advice?" "Yea?" "Warm a flask full of milk, take a bottle upstairs and leave it at arms length. Oh an u should tap a little out onto your hand, if it is hot, obviously don't give it to him." "Jude, we have decided on a name." "Really? Lets here it then." "Edward Stanley" "That's lovely. Good night, boys." We did the flask thing as instructed and headed off into bed. I made a point of changing Edwards nappy before we got into bed. "Robbie?" I asked after a while. "Hum?" "I am going to miss her so much." "I know babes, I know," he said and squeezed me tight against his hot bod. My eyes closed, I thought about the baby, about Robbie, about anything. "WWWWHHHHHHHAAAAAA" The piecing noise cut through the silence. I blinked my eyes and looked at the clock. One AM. You are having a laugh. Do they do this every night? I sure as hell hope not. I stumbled out of bed and towards the cot, the light clicked on and Robbie was looking over at me, stark bollock naked, getting this baby up. I picked him up and Robbie handed me the bottle that he had made up from the flask. He sucked greedily on the bottle, typical. Food crazed thing. "I think he may need changing," I said. Robbie got up out of bed and grabbed the bag with changing things in. We double teamed him. Robbie did the nappy as I held him up, so he could drink at the same time. We had already learned that babys don't like being changed! They cry, so we did the next best thing, kept him quiet. About twenty minuets later, we put him back to bed and crawled back into our own. "Do they do that every night?" Robbie asked. "I hope not." Robbie held me. "I bet mum is cracking up over this! She knows how hard it is to get us up!" "Yea" he laughed. IF YOU THINK A NEWBORN IS GOING TO SLEEP FOR 6 HOURS, YOU ARE MISTAKEN!!! The sound echoed through the room again at about seven in the morning. This time, Robbie got up, picked him up and I fed him. We sat him down in the middle of us and tried to snooze a little, but it was no good. Even Edward's little kicks managed to keep us awake. The first thing I did when I was up was cry all over again as I went into mums room automatically to say hi. Then, I phoned the hospital to have Edward's name put onto a birth certificate so that he was 'legal'. The doorbell rang a few minutes after Robbie and I had got out of the shower and dressed. I picked Eddie up and went down to answer as Jude had gone shopping and to pick Tim up, who had been staying at his friends again after everything. I propped him up so that he was resting on my chest with his head looking back over my shoulder. "HI," Kaz shouted. The inevitable happened, Edward started crying. AGH!! As I patted him on the back and tried to calm him down, Kaz made her apologies about making such a noise. Robbie came down to join me and of course the inevitable subject came up. "So, how is your mum?" A tear ran down my cheek followed by another. I turned around and walked away, I must say that I do dislike people seeing me like this, I feel weak. "Phill, hang on. Kaz, I will be right back" Robbie called after me an ran up to me. "Phill" I turned around an Robbie placed his hands on the side of my cheek. "Phill, you're mum wouldn't want this. She would want you to get on with things, have fun, take care of Edward. Remember, she is happy now." "I know Robbie, I know. It's just so hard. I walked into her room today, completely automatically." "I saw. Come on, let's go back, huh?" "I will just go and get his bottle and I will be right back, ok?" "Sure," he said, as he kissed me an gave Ed a kiss on the head. Whilst I was waiting for the microwave to finish warming up his milk, there was a hand placed on my shoulder. "Phill, I don't know what to say. I am so so sorry," Kaz said. I turned to see a tear glisten in her eye. "Thanks. But we have him to look after now. Can't let mum down on that," I said. Robbie took him off me as I tested the milk and placed it in a bottle and handed it to him. "Is there anything I can do?" "No, I think it's time I need. Robbie and I are going baby shopping this afternoon. Would like it if you wanted to come. I haven't talked to Robbie about this, but I think we will go car shopping in the near future. We need a car for the three of us and I don't want to use mum's, so I was thinking about selling both and buying a new one. But I can't really do that until Jude has looked into the financial side. Because I know that things are a mess. Talking of which, my car is still at the hospital." "Can you put a baby seat in your car?" Kaz asked. "No, it's too small in the back. They don't recommend it in the front because of the air bags." "Well, we can go in my car," Kaz said. "Do you have it here?" "Yea." It didn't seem like a good idea to take Ed shopping with us, he was only little as it was so we would have to wait until Jude got back and leave him with her for a while. Kaz took Robbie to the hospital to pick up the car, and I spent some time with Edward. He didn't do very much, so we watched TV together. Well rather, he slept, I watched TV. When I thought about it, we went for a walk around the house whilst I went to get things sorted for Jude. I was drawn to mums room, as I pushed the door open. I looked in to see it exactly like she left it before I went for my exam. I stepped in and ran my hands down the dresser. And I smelled that smell that reminded me of mum. It was all in this room. "HAPPY ANIVERSARY!" my mum called into our room. "Thanks mum!" I shouted back. As I looked over to Robbie and kissed him on the lips. "Happy anniversary, babes" I said and kissed him again. "Can I come in?" mum called. "Sure." She walked in carrying a card and a large breakfast. She was so relaxed wearing a silk dressing gown, hair all in a mess. "Phill?" "Huh" I said as I snapped back to reality. "Sorry, I wondered if you were ok," Jude said. "Yea, I am fine. We were wondering if you would look after Edward for a few hours while we go shopping?" "I would love to!" she said. "Cool, well everything is sorted. Nappies etc are in the bag, milk just needs warming." "Ok, that's great." I held him out in the air and looked at him. I have decided that he will be very cute when he is older. Don't know why, just a feeling. I took him downstairs and did the nappy thing, handed him over to Jude when Robbie got back and the three of us left to go shopping. First port of call was definitely mother care. You know what I hate that. Why is it Mother Care? Why not Parent Care or what ever. They assume so much. By the way for our yank collective, Mother Care is a baby shop. We bought a few things before moving on to Baby Gap. One of the assistants came up to us almost instantly. "Is there anything I can help you with?" she asked. "No thanks, just looking." "What may you be looking for?" "Some things for my baby" I said very matter of factly. "Where is the baby? You may find it easier for fitting purposes if it was here." "Firstly I said that we were ok, thank you, but also he is not an it," I snapped at her. Robbie's reassuring hand came to rest on my shoulder as he warned me to keep cool. "Ok, well I will be over here if you require me," she said and walked off. "Well done, I would have slapped her" Kaz said and smiled. We looked over a few things and we made our selections. As we walked out of the shop, Robbie slipped his hand into mine an Kaz looked back to see the shop assistant's mouth drop. We just laughed at her arrogance.