Date: Sat, 2 Aug 2003 16:01:05 +0300 From: AS Subject: Sam, chapter 5 "Hi, Mom!" Lee said, as he and Jay entered the hallway from his room and met her coming toward them. "Mom, this is Jay, the guy who's my partner on that history project. Remember, I told you about him." "Of course I remember, hon," she replied, and then turning toward Jay she added, "I'm pleased to finally meet you, Jay. How nice of you to come by." "It's a pleasure to meet you too, Mrs. Wilson," Jay answered. "My, it's gratifying to see that at least some teenagers are polite nowadays, Jay! But I would be more comfortable if you called me Marjorie. Or Marge, even. My friends call me either one," she said, giving him a big, warm smile. Jay figured that Lee must take after his dad, because he would never have guessed that this woman was his mother. For one thing, she had a much darker complexion and dark brown hair and brown eyes. And for another, she was quite short and petite. Lee, on the other hand, was tall and blonde and blue-eyed. He made a mental note to ask Lee sometime about his dad. He knew that his parents were divorced, but he didn't know how many years ago it had happened, or even if Lee still saw his dad from time to time. There was so much he wanted to find out about his lover. They had known each other such a short time, really, and it would take time to fill in all the blanks, as it were. Jay didn't know how much he wanted to divulge about his own parents yet, though. That was kind of a sore spot for him, and he was afraid if he asked Lee too many questions then Lee would start asking him questions too. Having seen what amazing and wonderful parents Sam had, and now being so warmly received by Lee's mom as well, he was feeling quite inferior because his parents didn't begin to measure up. He didn't realize, of course, that neither Lee nor Sam would think any less of him, even if they knew all about his parents. On the contrary, they would admire him even more for having turned out to be such a sweet and special person in spite of his parents. Marjorie walked up to Lee and laid a hand on his forehead, checking to see if he had a temperature, and asked, "How you feeling, hon? You're looking better than you did earlier today, for sure. I hope you aren't going to pass that virus on to your friend here." "Yeah, I wouldn't wish it on my enemies, let alone my best friends!" Lee agreed. "It was a nasty one. But thank goodness, I'm already feeling much better." "Good, I'm glad to hear it!" Marjorie said. "I'm going to put on the kettle and heat some tea water. I'm about chilled to the bone after being out in this awful weather. And I think you should be drinking lots of hot liquids too, Lee. How about you, Jay, would you prefer regular tea or herb tea? Or no tea at all, I should add. That's also an option! We've got coke and sprite and milk and orange juice too, if you prefer one of those." "Any kind of tea is fine, Mrs--, sorry, I mean Marjorie." Jay said, blushing over his little slip-up. "Now Jay," she said, "please don't feel in bondage to me! Really though, I must say I'm delighted to see that Lee's found himself such a well brought up friend! He needs all the good influences he can get! I just hope some of it rubs off. Goodness only knows how I've struggled to teach him proper manners!" she added, teasingly. "M-o-o-o-m-m-m!" Lee complained, feeling slightly offended. And Jay hastened to his defense, saying, "Oh no, Mrs. Wil-- oops! Marjorie. Lee's perfect! You've no reason to worry about his manners!" Marjorie laughed heartily then and threw an arm around both boys, pulling them against her in a quick hug. "I can see the two of you together are going to be a force to reckon with. Well, Lee, you can set out the mugs for our--" And then suddenly Jay gasped loudly, startling both Lee and his mother, and they turned toward him with their mouths open, wondering what the matter was. "Oh my God!" Jay yelped. "I've gotta run! Mack's been waiting for me for five minutes now to take me home. We were supposed to leave at five thirty. I'm sorry, Mrs. Wilson, I hope I can drink tea with you another time. Oh dear! Where'd you put my coat, Lee, and where'd I leave my backpack?" Lee showed him his things lying on a chair by the front door, and Jay grabbed them and was out the door in a flash, calling back over his shoulder, "Bye, Lee, and bye, Mrs--, I mean Marjorie! See you tomorrow, Lee!" And then he was off down the walk, running toward Mack's car, which was parked at the curb idling. Lee and his mom stood in the door watching him leave, gazing after him until the car had turned the corner and was gone. Lee continued standing there, silent, unmoving, just staring at the spot where Jay had disappeared from sight, and Marjorie glanced up at him, sensing something unusual. She noticed his transfixed state and thought she could detect some deeper feeling reflected in his eyes. She laid her hand on his arm and said, "Lee, hon, he's a nice boy, isn't he?" Lee startled his mom then by suddenly throwing his arms around her and holding her tight. Marjorie and Lee were always affectionate with each other, and it wasn't at all unusual that one of them gave the other a hug now and then, or that they touched one another in some other way, casually. But still, this behavior was quite unusual. Marjorie sensed there was something more behind it, although at the moment she couldn't guess what it was. She was a very perceptive woman, and wise. She didn't believe in exerting undue pressure on her son, and experience had taught her that when he had something bottled up inside of him, if she just kept quiet and gave him time, he would eventually tell her whatever it was that was bothering him. Marjorie was awfully proud of Lee. He had never caused her any grief or problems, and she felt very fortunate that she had somehow been able to cultivate such a close and loving relationship with her son, who was all she had, really, and meant more to her than life itself. She was just past thirty when she married. She had been a career woman and very successful, becoming an assistant manager in one of the most prestigious banks in the city. It was there that she had met her husband, Tom Wilson, who was manager of the loan department. Tom was a very charming and debonair man, the heartthrob of all the young single women working in the bank. Nearly all of them lusted after him, judging from the way they talked in the coffee room, and Marjorie had felt very flattered when he started wooing her. She had played hard-to-get for awhile, though, which only made him more persistent, and after nearly a year of being courted by him she finally agreed to marry him. Life with Tom could be very exciting at times, since he loved adventure and knew how to have a good time. But Marjorie found out very early in her marriage what he had managed to conceal during their courtship, that he was an extremely selfish man, and that he had a bad temper. If he wasn't the center of attention and if he wasn't always getting his own way, he would become surly and upset like a spoiled child. It had been a shock to see how her attentive and charming suitor turned so quickly into an inconsiderate and unjustly demanding husband. She found out quite soon after they were married that he wasn't faithful to her, as well. In fact, unbeknownst to her he had been playing around with other women even while he was courting her, and just continued those flings after they were married. Before they were married, Marjorie had brought up the subject of children. Tom said she could do as she wished, but he himself seemed rather indifferent about it. In spite of being a career woman, she had always dreamed of changing over to the mother role someday, and she wanted to have at least two or three children. She was determined to get pregnant as soon as possible, since she was already past thirty, and she managed to do so before they had been married half a year. Much to her disappointment, Tom didn't share her happiness over that fact, and before the pregnancy was even half term, Tom had moved out of their house and began living with another woman. It had been a very difficult pregnancy, even apart from the psychological trauma brought on by her failed marriage, and Marjorie ended up spending the last three months of it in bed. But from the moment Lee was born, she was so overjoyed with her beautiful, healthy baby that she never had a moment's regret, even if it meant raising him alone. She didn't file for divorce, but Tom did, finally, shortly after Lee was born. He never showed even the slightest interest in his son. He didn't care to see him even once after he was born, and neither did he fulfill his alimony and child support obligations. Marjorie didn't bother to fight with him over it. She was a tough woman and determined to manage on her own. By the time Lee was two years old, Tom had transferred to another bank in a different city, and Marjorie never had any more contact with him. For all practical purposes, Lee had never had a father. He had never even seen his father, apart from in the wedding photos and other pictures that Marjorie had shown him. Marjorie had no desire to work outside the home after Lee was born. Instead, she began doing freelance writing and had become very successful at it, making a comfortable living for herself and Lee. And she and Lee were always very close. She had always been home with him until he started school, and after that she was always there when he left in the morning and again when he returned in the afternoon. She felt her life was complete with him, and she was content and considered herself blessed. So when Lee clung to her then, in the doorway, she just hugged him back, rubbing his back for a few moments, and then gave him a kiss on the cheek. When she did that, she noticed a few tears were trickling down his face. "Are you all right, hon?" she asked, quietly. "Is everything OK?" Instead of answering her, he just squeezed her tighter, and his tears started flowing faster. "Come on, my boy, let's go inside where it's warm and get this door shut," she said, and he let go of her so they could go in. "I still think we should have some tea, and then you can tell me what's the matter, OK?" she suggested. As they sat across from each other at the kitchen table sipping their hot tea, Marjorie kept quiet, waiting for Lee to start talking and to say whatever he had to say to her. He had wiped his tears away, but his eyes were still glistening and he seemed rather burdened by something. Several times it looked like he was going to start saying something, and then he reconsidered before he got anything out. Finally he said, "Mom--" and then nothing more. "Well, that's a start anyway," Marjorie thought to herself, but she kept quiet, waiting, just looking at him, concern evident in her eyes. Again, he said, "Mom--" "Yes, hon," she murmured. "Mom, there's something I wanna tell you," he finally blurted out. But then the tears began flowing again and he buried his face in his hands, unable to say more. Marjorie walked over to stand beside him where he sat in his chair and hugged him to her, gently rocking him. "Yes, son, please tell me. You know you can tell me anything. I love you, Lee, with all my heart. You know that, don't you?" Lee nodded his head a couple times against her bosom. "Yes, Mom, I know." "You're not in trouble, are you, Lee?" she asked then, feeling worried. He shook his head. "No. Well, I don't think so anyway." Finally, Lee said, "I don't want you to hate me, Mom--" which startled her even more. "Don't be foolish, hon, I could never hate you. Never." "But there's something you don't know..." Marjorie was getting more worried than ever now. "Lee, hon, whatever are you talking about? Please tell me what the matter is. You looked so happy when Jay was here, like you were on top of the world, without a single care. And now all of a sudden you're acting stranger than I've ever seen you before. What is it, anyway?" All of this came out in a rush. She really was getting alarmed. And then Lee just blurted it out. "Mom, I'm gay." Marjorie almost thought she was going to faint, and she gave a little gasp which she wished immediately afterwards that she could erase. In no way did she want to show a negative reaction to this astounding news, to make Lee feel worse than he already seemed to do. But how could this be true? Gay? She would never have guessed it. She had no prejudices against gays at all, but neither was it an issue she had ever thought would affect her personally. She certainly had never imagined her beloved son in that role! How could she have missed this, she who always thought she knew her son as well as it was possible for any mother to do? And he was so masculine! And besides that, he had been so close to Sam for so many years that she had always just thought of them as a couple. A couple in love. Lee gay? Incredible! Wisely, Marjorie didn't say anything. She realized that what he needed more than anything at that moment was someone to listen to him--someone who loved him unconditionally and who accepted him without reservation. And she was determined to be that one. She would not let her son down in this crucial moment, nor, she hoped, at any other time in his life, so she made up her mind to put a lid on her own questions and feelings for a minute and just listen. "Please tell me about it, Lee," she encouraged, sitting down in a chair beside him and reaching out to take his hand, holding it in both of hers. "I'll try, Mom," Lee began, feeling relieved to have finally come out to her, and relieved as well that she had taken the news so well--better than he had dared hope she would. "I figured out I was gay about four years ago, or maybe five. And the funny thing is that Sam had figured it out before I did. You know how I love Sam, mom. She's like the other half of me, we are so close. But I've never felt anything for her, you know, like, um, sexually, or for any other girl. It's guys that turn me on that way." And then Lee blushed, feeling embarrassed that he had told his mother that, about being turned on by guys. But after all, that's what it meant to be gay, he realized. So he didn't have to spell it out. Marjorie then ventured to say, "You feel something special for Jay, don't you, hon?" She was beginning to get the picture. "Oh Mom," Lee exclaimed then, his eyes glowing, "I love him so much! He's so wonderful! And he loves me too." "Lee, darling, I've always been so proud of you and you've never given me one reason not to be proud. You're all a mother could ever wish for in a son," Marjorie told him, looking into his eyes, with a hand on each side of his face. "I've had no idea, ever, that you are gay. This news has come as a shock to me, you understand. But I don't say that disapprovingly, hon. You're still the same wonderful boy--well, young man, actually--that you were before. It's just that now I know you better than I did a moment ago. But I still love you just as much, and I'm still just as proud of you." Having said that, she leaned closer and gave him a kiss on his forehead. "Oh Mom--" Lee said, and started to cry again, whereupon Marjorie threw her arms around him and held him tight, tears streaming down her own cheeks as well. Finally they drew apart again, wiping their eyes, and Marjorie said, "Lee, darling, we're going to have a lot to talk about. But we don't have to get it all said right now, do we? That's not the important thing. It just means so much to me that you've opened up to me and shared this part of you with me. It's one of the most basic things about who you are, really, isn't it? I feel sad that I've been ignorant of it for so long, but now I know, and I'm glad. I would never have wished for you to be gay, you know that don't you? Life will be much more difficult for you because of it, in ways that you can't even begin to know about yet. I just want for you to be happy, of course, like any mother would wish for her child. And that you will find true love. Maybe I'm a poor one to talk about that, huh? My own love turned out to be a bitter disappointment, of course, but as soon as I had you to love and to hold in my arms and in my heart, I was happy again, and I've been happy ever since. I don't spend one minute regretting my unfortunate marriage with your father, because that union gave me the one treasure of my life which has made life worthwhile a hundred, no a thousand times over." Lee thought his heart would burst with joy, hearing his mother reassure him like that of her deep love for him, even after knowing his secret, and he threw his arms around her, hugging her harder than he had ever hugged her before. "Oh Mom," he said finally, "when you get to know Jay you'll love him too, I know you will. He's one of the sweetest people in the world. I feel so lucky. And Sam loves him too, and she's so happy for me, for us!" "Yes, Lee, hon, I was sorry he had to run off so soon after I met him today. I was very charmed by him, and I had no idea then how much he really means to you. Knowing that now makes him even more special to me too. You'll have him over here often, won't you? So we'll get to know one another in no time. Now, I better get some supper ready. You must be about starved, aren't you? I know I am. After chasing around town in this horrid weather today, I'm famished. While we're eating you can tell me all about Jay and about how you two fell in love! I can hardly wait to hear it! Oh my, my poor head is practically spinning. This has been some afternoon, hasn't it? I'll never forget it, that's for sure! Now just one more thing, dear son of mine, and then I promise to be quiet for awhile. Promise me that you'll always feel free to come to me and talk, OK? I never want to pry into things that are your business and not mine, but I want you to know that you can always confide in your ol' mom. I'm always here for you, son, and don't you ever forget it! So what do you say? Promise?" "Yes, Mom. I promise," Lee said, solemnly, giving his mom a little hug again and a kiss on the cheek. "Good! Now run along, hon, and I'll call you when supper is ready." * * * Meanwhile, Mack and Jay had driven to Jay's home and they were just pulling up to the curb in front of the house when Jay's dad arrived home from work--or actually from the bar, where he was in the habit of stopping after work for a few beers. Jay noticed his dad craning his neck to stare at Mack, giving him a good looking over, and he immediately felt a shiver of fear run up and down his back. He knew there was going to be an ugly scene, as sure as anything. But he tried not to let on anything to Mack, thanking him profusely for the ride home, as well as for the coat and backpack and for all his and Sharon's kindness. Mack just reached over and put his arm around his shoulder, giving him a quick squeeze, and said, "You're more than welcome, champ, for everything. Sharon and I both like you a lot and we want to see lots more of you at our house. Please know you'll always be welcome there--anytime at all." "Thank you, Mack, and goodbye for now," Jay murmured as he got out of the car. Just before Jay's dad pulled into the garage out of sight, he had seen Mack put his arm around his son and immediately his face had darkened even more than before. The storm clouds were gathering rapidly. The garage was attached to the house and he went in through the connecting door into the kitchen. Without saying a word to his wife who was putting the final touches on their supper, he rushed past her and into the front entryway, waiting for Jay to come in through the front door. No sooner had Jay opened the door when his dad grabbed him roughly by the front of his coat and jerked him into the house, pulling him up until they were practically face to face, lifting Jay's feet nearly off the floor, holding him suspended there by the wad of coat that he had bunched up in his fist. Jay had never seen his dad's face so distorted with rage before, and he almost feared for his life. His dad's eyes looked absolutely wild, his face was a purplish red color, and the veins at his temples were protruded and throbbing. "All right, you bastard," he hissed through clenched teeth, giving Jay a shake that nearly made his teeth rattle, "who's your sugar daddy? Huh? I saw that dirty old man givin' ya a hug before ya got outa his car. You damned shit! What ya been doin', huh? Where ya been hangin' out all this time after school?" And then for the first time in Jay's life, his dad actually hit him. He slapped him hard with his open hand along side the face, knocking Jay's head sideways. Jay felt something pop inside his ear and he saw stars, literally, and almost blacked out. "For God's sake, Gene!" Jay's mother screamed from the kitchen door, "Whatever has gotten into you? You let go of Jay right now!" Jay's dad was so taken aback by his wife speaking to him in that way that he swung around to look at her, and at the same time let go of Jay's coat front. As soon as Jay was released, he slumped to the floor in a heap, his legs unable to hold him up. His head was spinning, his ears were ringing, and he couldn't seem to focus his eyes. Everything was a blur. His dad turned back toward him, giving him a kick, hard, in the rump with the toe of his work boot, hissing, "You worthless piece o' shit," and then when it looked like he was preparing to kick him again, he seemed to change his mind and swung around again to face his wife. Jenna was screaming by then, in the background, and Jay's mother was still yelling at him. He snapped at her, "Shut the hell up, woman! I'm not takin' any lip offa you, ya understand me? Now get that worthless brat of yours up offa the floor. He's gonna have a whale of a lot of explainin' to do as soon as I can stand to look at his damned pansy face long enough to hear what he has to say for himself." Having said that, he swirled around, kicked Jay again in the leg, and then stomped out of the house. A moment later they heard the car backing out of the garage and then the squeal of tires on pavement as it drove away down the street." By that time, Jay was more or less sitting up on the floor with his aching, pounding head down in his lap, tears streaming down his cheeks, his whole body jerking with his sobs. His mother knelt down beside him on the floor, smoothing his hair back from his forehead and lifting his face up toward her so she could look at him. There was already an ugly dark bruise forming on the side of his face where he had been slapped, and the eye on that side was beginning to swell shut. "My God, Jay, whatever got your dad so upset? What in the world have you done?" Jay just shook his head, unable to say a word, still sobbing uncontrollably. His head hurt so bad it felt like it would split in two at any moment. But that was minor compared to the aching in his heart. His mind was such a jumble that he found it impossible to even think coherently, let alone to form any words and get them spoken. "Jenna, please come and help me lift Jay up and get him onto the sofa," their mother said, and Jenna came running at once. She was crying also, soundlessly now, her eyes red and swollen. Together, one on each side of him, they managed to lift him up by his armpits until he was more or less upright, but still hanging limp, unable to hold himself up. His head had flopped forward, his chin against his chest. Slowly, laboriously, they began to move him toward the living room, but they had only drug him two or three steps when suddenly he heaved, spewing vomit all down the front of his coat and pants and onto the floor at his feet. "Oh my God!" Jay's mother gasped. She was really worried about him now, and was feeling more and more helpless, not knowing what to do for him. She and Jenna hardly had strength to keep holding him up, so they lowered him back down onto the floor on his back. That proved to be a mistake, though, because he was no sooner lying flat when his stomach heaved again, and he began to choke on the vomit that had come up into his throat. "Quick, Jenna, we've got to get him sitting up again." They managed to do that, while at the same time scooting him over against the wall so they had something solid to prop his back up against. Jenna remained kneeling down beside him then, caressing the uninjured side of his face with her hand, while their mother ran to get some towels to clean up the vomit with. She then wiped it up as best she could off of his coat and pants, and off of the floor. The stench of it hung heavy in the air, but they hardly seemed to notice that. They were so concerned with Jay himself. He seemed to be fading in and out of consciousness now. His one open eye was not always focusing, and he was still unable to talk to them. His sobs had ceased, though, and he was quite still. Still and limp. Jenna kept touching him, talking to him, trying to keep him aware of her, to keep him from slipping away from her. She felt her heart was broken, and that if anything happened to Jay she just couldn't keep on living. "Oh God, let him be OK--" she murmured over and over to herself under her breath, all but inaudibly. Jay's `new' parka was a mess, and as his mother daubed at it with her damp towel, it suddenly dawned on her that she had never seen it before. Where had he gotten it? Who had given it to him? She also noticed, then, the backpack that he was still wearing, full of school books. Surely she had never seen that before either, she thought to herself. But she had more pressing worries at the moment--what to do for Jay himself? It was beginning to look like he needed to see a doctor. But how would she get him there? Gene had taken off with the car and she had no idea when he might return, or what shape he might be in when he did. Besides, she seriously doubted that he would want to be taking Jay to any doctor. That would give rise to too many unwanted questions. How would he be able to explain to the doctor who had hit Jay, and why? And what would happen to Gene when--if--the doctor found out that he had hit his own son like that? He would surely notify the police. When she started thinking along that line, she groaned loudly, causing Jenna to look up at her in alarm. "Jenna, I'm afraid Jay needs to get to a doctor, but I don't know how we're going to manage it, without calling an ambulance. Well, I guess that's what we'll have to do then. But, oh God, what will your father say if we do that? What will he do?" And having said that--the last words almost in a wail--Mrs. Evans began to cry. After a minute or two, she said, "I'm too afraid of what your father will do if we call an ambulance. I just can't bring myself to do it. We mustn't involve any strangers. You understand that, don't you, Jenna? Maybe when Jay has rested here a little longer we'll be able to move him to the sofa. Surely he'll be OK after awhile. Oh dear God, whatever has he done? What did he do that made Gene so mad? I've never seen Gene act like that before." And then she was crying again. Jenna noticed, suddenly, a little label sown into the backpack Jay had on. It said: SAMcMillan 1414 N. Aylesworth 516-7737 On an impulse she ran to the phone in her parents' bedroom, where she hoped her mother wouldn't hear her, and dialed the number she had seen on the tag. "Hello," a man's voice said on the other end of the line. "Hello. Um, McMillans?" Jenna managed to stammer out. "Yes, this is Mack McMillan. How can I help you?" "Um, do you know Jay Evans?" Jenna asked? "Yes, I certainly do. He was just here today. Why?" "Um, well, I'm his sister. Jay is-- J-J-Jay needs help." Jenna sobbed, and then she started to cry. "I'll be right there. In about ten minutes." He could hear the girl crying, but she didn't answer him. "Hello--?" Still there was no answer. "I'm on my way!" he said then, and hung up. Jenna hung up the phone, and then thought to herself, "I wonder how he will find our house? I didn't tell him where we live. But somehow he seemed to know. He just said he was on his way. Help was on the way!" Considerably relieved by that thought, she ran back to her brother, throwing herself down beside him again. He was passed out cold, slumped over sideways, halfway to the floor. "Mom!" she cried out. But her mom was sitting at the kitchen table, her face buried in her hands, sobbing.