Phoenix here! I had to rush this. People were asking and I know quite a few wanted an update. Some of you even went so far as to say,

"How can you write so much on the Xmen, and can't update Say You Love Me?" LOL! Well I grew up on the Xmen, so there, I love `em!

And thanks to all who've took the time of day to post and Email me, to just say hi, encourage me, and wish me luck on the Exams. Ohhhh...and a VERY special shout out goes to the Aussie Dude. You know who you are, for ALL the help on my exams! The hints were way cool, I'm not sure but...are you sleeping around with anyone on the GCE exams council! LOL!

As usual feel free to drop a line at !


Chapter 11- "Dinner Time"


Today was the most nerve wrecking day of my life! Well the seventeen years I've been living anyway. It wasn't easy keeping a secret like this...secret. It was so much easier when the only gay guy I knew was Jessie. When he had confessed to me, and asked me to keep it secret, that was no problem. But everything changed yesterday.

Yesterday morning, at one am. I got a phone call. I had no idea who would be calling me at that time of night. But that revealed itself to me in time. Josh...He sounded all worked up and real upset about something, so I lent him an audience and the result- I now not only had to keep Jessie's secret and his secret from the world-but from each other. But that wasn't the stupidest thing about it.

The stupidest thing was that they were both gay, great friends and all. But Jessie doesn't want me to tell Josh because he thinks Josh won't speak to him again, and josh doesn't want me to tell Jessie because he thinks that Jessie will look at him like some sort of freak. The worst thing is, they both made me swear to secrecy, so I can't tell either of them, at least not without getting the other ME! Hmm...their problem and I'm the one who has to suffer.

I can't count the times I have to watch my tongue now. Before, when Jessie and I talked about some things, when Josh was around, we were extra careful. That was when we thought he was straight. Now I know he's gay, and I have to be careful I don't say something that could give it all away. But I confess, that wasn't the only thing on my mind. I learned more about Josh, so much so soon. I got suspicions on Monday. Now, I know that Jessie and Brad are involved, but I never suspected that Josh had feelings for Jessie. I mean just because he's gay doesn't mean that...well those hopes got squelched.

After lunch yesterday, me Josh and Jessie were heading into Jameson's class. No big deal, we go like everywhere together. But Josh stopped to read something on the Bulletin Board. I didn't want to be late for class, I had a good girl rep to maintain, but Jessie wanted to stay back and see what got Josh's attention. Eventually I came back. It was some football thing...why would Josh want to- He was so hyped, got me and Jessie to agree to coming to see him try out and everything. Then Brad showed up. I knew he was there to check on Jessie, So obvious. And we all started to make our way back to class.

Then Jessie noticed that Brad and Josh weren't behind us. He went off to see what was up, and left me to lie to Jameson if she asked where they were, like I could lie to a teacher and not get caught. Eventually they came back...things seemed different. For one thing, the hate filled looks that Josh normally threw Brad had greatly diminished. And Jessie seemed awfully happy about something. I found out today what it was. Apparently, Josh had been a big boy about it and called off his all out war against Brad. Good thing too, I thought he was being a little immature. But now...

Well I got home and started thinking. Why would Josh want to join the football team...well okay the popularity, but Josh isn't after popularity. Hmmm...girls. Hehehehehe...okay nothing there. I knew how scared he was of anyone finding out about him being gay, especially Jessie. Then I thought about it all some more. Josh didn't want to tell me if he was involved with anyone, when I asked him how he knew that he was gay. He never even said if he had a crush on anyone. And then the football thing. Wait, isn't Brad a footballer? And Brad and Jessie are...No, Josh only think of Jessie like a friend...right?

The suspense was just too much. I decided to call Josh, it was only fair that h tell me the answer to my questions. He put me in this position, know but having to keep dumb about the whole affair! But still, I knew I'd have to not ask him directly, he might just hang up. So I called and asked if everything was all right with him. He said everything was good. I asked why he wanted to join the football team. He didn't respond coherently enough so I could form a proper hypothesis.

Josh:  "I just want to Stacy...I" , he had said. Obviously he was attempting to dodge the issue. I would have to bait my questions. I asked if this sudden decision of his had anything to do with Brad. He tried to dodge again. But I was ready. I asked him if he felt he had to compete with brad for Jessie's friendship, and if all he felt for Jessie was! He crumbled. A silence ensued. I knew I had something, what, for once he didn't have a comeback? I baited him again.

"Is there anything you want to tell me about Jessie? About how you might feel about him..don't lie Josh, I'm a girl, you can't con ME." , I had asked/demanded.

Did the trick. And the revelation came. He said he LOVED Jessie, and not in the FRIENDLY way! But that wasn't the killer. He said that he loved Jessie all right. But he also knew about Brad's attraction. At least he didn't know Jessie was gay and involved with Brad, then that could have caused some trouble. But still, he could tell that Brad was after Jessie and trying to stake claim on him, and he couldn't tell about his own best friend of eleven years?!! Just what kind of Gaydar is that anyway? I had slight suspicions when he had confessed to being gay, they were concrete now.

I tried to get him to talk to Jessie. It freaked him out, he just about begged me to not tell him or anything. I knew then that I'd have to keep my mouth shut. I tried one last time to convince him and then hung up. The only way some of this pressure was going to go away, was if one of them found out. I knew it would hurt Josh...I knew that if Jessie told, he'd tell about Brad too. *Sigh* I felt so bad for Josh. I have a confessions. I told Jessie I think that Brad loves him. But truth be told, I don't know, for once I don't know the answer! It's a real bitch too. And I confess, I would prefer that Jessie and Josh were the ones together. I just can't stand seeing either of them unhappy...and unhappy is just what josh is going to be when he finds out. Damn...

I don't think I can see Jessie calling it off with Brad though. Jessie told me today what had happened yesterday. His parents found out...and they weren't angry at him, weren't freaked and still accepted him. No wonder he was so happy. I don't think he'd want to throw it all away for something that may not even work out with Josh, even if he did find out. So I guess, I'm going to have to learn how to deal with the pressure. Thank God I don't have any of my own issues to deal with right now or I might just have a breakdown.


I was so hyped. After being in the closet for so long it was like a breath of fresh air to finally be out, at least to the parents. I was so worked up, I took the `rents' suggestion and got Brad to come over today. The very day after we got busted! It was Mom's idea really, she and her dinner plans. I knew that they wanted to get to know him, to make sure he wasn't some sort of Psycho, or stalker or run of the mill pervert or anything. Basically they were going to subtly put him under interrogation.

At school, before he had to come over, I told Brad not to say or do anything suspicious, try to be calm. MAKE SURE TO LOOK DAD IN THE EYES WHEN HE TALKED TO HIM. Don't lie and say mom's cooking was delicious. I was sure that was one of their tests. Mom CANNOT cook! They'd figure if he lied about that, he could lie about other things too. Hmm...I had to think of a whole lot of things that they might come up with. I made sure he understood too. They might act all innocent, but `rents are devious.

That evening when the door rang, I had to try and keep myself from jumping up and down. Didn't want to look too eager, had to play this right. I waited until Brad rang FIVE times before,

Mom: "Jessie, aren't you going to get the door?"

Good, she was the one who told me to do it. Made me look less like I wanted to just open the door mid-ring and just drag Brad in! During the meal, there was lot of glances back and forth between the `rents. I knew they were mulling it over. The questions came soon enough, I warned Brad to be completely honest, well except about our encounter. As far as the `rents were to know, what they saw was the one and only time. Nothing about the Sofa thing or the bathroom at Joe's was to come out. They asked the run of the mill questions. Did he smoke or drink. Answer: Not anymore. That was satisfactory enough. Thank God!

Thankfully, everything seemed to be progressing okay. Until...

Dad: "So Brad, how many girlfriends you had?"

What was he doing asking Brad that?! He knew Brad wasn't Gay, but Brad really cared for me. So why was dad being a-

Brad: "Well, there was..."

Brad proceeded to give them his ex list. Naturally, I really, really didn't want to hear it. I think the grilling the `rents were giving him was harder on me. But that wasn't all that the `rents had to dish out. Mom went next, just great, they were playing tag team...

Mom: "So what you're saying is you're not Gay, but you think you have feelings for Jessie?"

Brad: "No, I KNOW I have feelings for Jessie."

Dad: "But are they strong enough. How do we know you won't up and leave him if some super sexy chick comes along?"

Brad: "I won't, I-"

Mom: "What we want to know is- How do you know you love Jessie?"

I was quiet through all of this. Truth be told, I wanted to know as well. I knew he loved me. He said so and I believed him. He confessed it at Joe's and I never doubted him for a second. But, even though he said it, he never told me how he knew or even why he loved me. I think I was just as curious, if not more so than the `rents, to find out the answer to this particular question.

Dad: "So..why do you love Jessie?"

Brad took a while. I knew how he was. He wasn't the mushy, mushy kind of guy. And he was like that with me. And now here the `rents were, grilling him, and they expected him to tell them something super personal. Just to satisfy them that Brad was RIGHT for me. I wonder how this is going to work out. Brad better say something soon, I doubt going conveniently dumb is going to help matters much.


I found myself waiting in the Lawrence front doorsteps. I rung the bell four times and no one answered. Were these people serious? They invite someone over for dinner and don't even have the courtesy to answer the door. I suppose I can't just go in, wouldn't look too good. I rang one last time and finally Jessie answered, opened the door and let me in. He whispered the reason why he took so long. I tried to keep  straight face, but inside, I was laughing my ass off. Even in school today he was being all melodramatic.

Telling me to make sure and be completely honest, look his dad in the eyes when he asked me a questions, and a whole bunch of other stuff I forgot. At least I paid heed to the other things he told me. The way he was acting, you'd think I was under interrogation. I may have been skeptical about that at first, but at the dinner table, I became a believer. I was sooo under interrogation, the questions they were asking, I was surprised they didn't have a lie detector to hook me up to!

I mean I could deal with the questions like, Did I smoke? Yup, at one time but I don't now. Do I drink? Nope, not any more, alcohol doesn't agree with me. Hell, I could even handle questions like, How many girlfriends did I have? But then I got the feeling that they didn't trust me completely with their son. I mean, what did they think? That all I was after was a fuck buddy?! Mr. Lawrence had hinted that to me in the kitchen yesterday, but he seemed to trust me afterwards, why the sudden change? I guess they had to be that way, they were `rents after-all. But then they started asking questions like,

How do you know you have feelings for Jessie?

Why do you love him?

Oh God! What was I gonna say?! I never could handle the mushy stuff. Well Mr. Lawrence, uh your son gives me boners whenever I see him and I can't get him outta my head and do you want to know the dreams I have about him-wait a sec! Hmm...maybe if I alter those just a little...let's see. (I knew I had to say something fast, I was silent way too long.)

"Well, whenever I'm around him, I feel like nothing I've ever felt before. I mean there's just this...feeling I get when we're together(Heheheh! Yeah a feeling all right.). And I can't get him out of my head a lot of the times, can't stop thinking about him and (think, think) he makes me laugh, and I know I'm happy when I'm with him. And I know I'd rather be with no one else."

Good riddance! It worked, at least the questions that made me uncomfortable stopped. The rest of the dinner was uneventful enough. Mrs. Lawrence asked me to help out with the dishes, but I knew that she wanted to tell me something, which she did. She went on about how much happier Jessie seemed to be these days, and whatever I was doing, it was working wonders on him. She had to ask me not to do anything to hurt him and the topic of sex came up. I assured her that nothing had happened like that yet and told her everything I told Mr. Lawrence yesterday.

When I left their house that night, I got the feeling that they were okay with me seeing Jessie. And I do mean seeing, I don't know how they'd react to me trying to kiss him goodnight, so I didn't try anything. He's so shy and self-conscious in front of his `rents anyway, I don't know how he'd react either. So I basically said goodnight and left when the time came. I had to be satisfied with squeezing Jessie's shoulders, but hey, I can live with that if his `rents could!