I wish to retain all rights to this story. However, I am delighted to grant permission for AwesomeDude, or any other person or entity, to publish this story as long as there is no charge to the reader and as long as no changes are made to the story.

Copyright 2004. All Rights Reserved.


CHAPTER 19 — Winds of Change

Christmas, Senior Year

Ryan and I surprised each other at Christmas when we gave each other the exact same marine aquarium book as a present. Jorge surprised me by giving me a gift at all — a reflective running vest. It was a nice gift since much of our winter running was in the dark.

Christmas at our house was fun, but I had butterflies in my stomach all day. I was to leave for Houston the next day and I was worried that Daniel wouldn’t be as anxious to see me as I was to see him.

In the afternoon, Colin invited me outside to toss a football. We hadn’t spent much time together that entire fall, but Mom wanted us to stick around the house since it was Christmas. I was antsy to get out and figured it was the same for Colin.

We tossed the ball silently a few times. I sure didn’t feel like going for a “long one” after Christmas dinner, so we stayed within a few yards of each other.

“You’ve been quiet lately,” Colin observed.

I shrugged.

“You and Daniel still getting along?”


Colin caught the ball and walked it over. “Then what’s been wrong? You OK?”

I sat down on the grass, and Colin sat down beside me. “I guess I’m a little nervous,” I confessed.

“Really anxious to see Daniel again?”

I nodded. “But he’s also met a lot of new friends.”

Colin plucked a blade of grass, and carefully shredded it, thinking. “Sean,” he said. “If I met a bunch of new friends, would you worry that I wouldn’t think you were my brother any more?”


“Well,” he said, scooting closer. “What I mean is… you and Daniel are sorta like brothers. I mean you virtually lived at his house last year. And you guys did all that bicycling together and all.” He shrugged. “No matter how many new friends I met, you’d still be my brother.”

I rested my chin on my knees, thinking that Daniel and I weren’t exactly brothers. There were some real flaws in Colin’s analogy.

“And Sean,” he said, putting a hand on my arm. “No matter what, I’m really glad I’m your brother.”

I arrived in Houston that next evening, and Daniel was waiting for me. Just as he did in October, he wrapped his arms around me and picked me up to swing me around, and I gratefully hugged his neck. But then I noticed that there was beer on his breath and that there were two guys our age standing to one side, watching and apparently waiting for us.

The two were somewhat average looking, physically, but they were dressed like preppy fashion models. For that matter, Daniel was dressed damned well, too. He looked striking. I felt severely underdressed in jeans and an old sweater.

Daniel introduced me to Jeremy, chestnut hair, thin, angular face with a slightly hooked nose, thin lips; and Robert, black hair, thicker build, nice smile. Jeremy shook my hand warmly, very warmly.

Then I shook Robert’s.

“He’s beautiful,” Jeremy said in an aside to Daniel while I was still shaking Robert’s hand. “Just like you said.”

I felt myself blush. Daniel beamed on me.

“He’s more than beautiful,” Robert agreed, rather loudly. “Nice jeans,” he said as he made an obvious study of my package.

Robert and Jeremy walked ahead of us as we headed out to the parking lot. I leaned over to Daniel “Are all your new friends that horny?” I asked.

Daniel laughed and draped his arm over my shoulder, hugging me to him. “Damn, it’s so good to see you.” His eyes shone.

We stopped at a big, blue Lincoln. “My mom’s car,” Robert explained. “More room.”

Daniel and I took the back seat. Before we were out of the parking lot, Daniel had me on my back, kissing me hard. I started to struggle out, concerned about the two strangers (to me at least) in the front seat. “Don’t worry about these guys,” Daniel said. Then he spoke louder for their benefit. “They’re gay too, and they’d be back here if we let them.”

There were a couple of hoots from the front and Jeremy reached back between the front seats to grab a handful of my ass.

“Well make them wait until it’s their turn,” I said, meaning for the two of them to get it on, but realized that it sounded like I meant take turns with me which brought additional hoots from the front. When Jeremy’s hand started to come back again, Daniel slapped it.

But Daniel was in my arms and I soon forgot about the guys in the front seat. We kissed and stretched out on the wide seat. Daniel’s hips settled between my legs and we ground our crotches together. He felt so good, so damned good. “You better slow down,” I said, breaking for a breath. “Or I’ll have a big wet stain in my pants to explain to Roger and Mary.”

He surprised me then, reaching between our bodies to undo my pants. He began pulling them down, almost before I realized what was happening. It was hard not to be a little self-conscious. From the corner of my eye, I could see Jeremy leering back at us, and Robert trying to look back over his shoulder.

But Daniel worked fast. He pulled my pants down and lowered his pants, then quickly lay down on me, pressing his naked cock to mine. We rubbed together and kissed, and moaned our mutual pleasure. I grasped the butt I had missed for so long and noticed it was just a little bit softer than it had been. I made a mental note to fuss at Daniel later for getting lazy.

From the front came approving comments and encouragements. Then Robert called back, “I don’t want cum all over the car guys. Swallow it. Do a sixty-nine.”

“Cool,” Daniel said, smiling down at me. Then he rotated over me. Just before we took each other into our mouths I heard a whistle from the front seat, “Damn, look at the cock on that stud. Danny’s going to have to share!”

I had never made love for an audience, but before I could think much about it, the joy of having Daniel’s cock in my mouth and his mouth on mine took all my attention.

I was hungry for him, and wanted to please him, unsure what competition I now had to beat. As the car swerved and hit small bumps, Daniel’s body bounced pleasantly on mine, and our cocks bounced farther into and out of our throats.

It didn’t take long to bring each other off. But we kept sucking until Robert warned, “Won’t be long guys.”

Daniel and I sat up and hitched up our pants. And then he pulled me into his arms to kiss until the car pulled to a stop.

“I almost came in my pants,” Jeremy said, “from watching you guys. Damn ya’ll are hot.”

“Yeah,” Robert agreed. “Can we come in to watch?”

“Not a chance,” Daniel said quietly, his eyes on mine. He opened his door and took my hand. “Thanks for the ride,” he said. “But you guys need to get home to get your beauty sleep if you want to grow up to look like Sean.”

I popped Daniel’s ass as he got out ahead of me.

“Oh,” Jeremy squealed, “Can you do that to me?”

“Come on,” Daniel said, taking me by the arm, “These guys aren’t up to your standards.”

There were hooting protests from inside the car as I grabbed my bag and called out, “Thank you,” and felt suddenly foolish for being so polite, remembering what they had just seen.

Inside, Roger crushed my shoulders in a hug, which was something major for him. He was not a big hugger. Mary kissed my cheek. Her eyes watered and she had a broad happy smile. Cutter, tail wagging, stayed at my side. It felt like a homecoming. I really did have two families.

The Chinese food had already been delivered. We sat visiting at the kitchen table, and I passed out Christmas gifts for everyone. A history book for Roger (as much from my Dad as from me, I told him), a cookbook for Mary (as much from my Mom, I told her), and a small backgammon set for Daniel (as much from Colin, I told him).

Roger and Mary had a gift for me as well, a beautifully woven, rich maroon wool sweater. The wool was soft. Mary made me hold it to my face. “See,” she said triumphantly, “I told you the color would look really good on him.” Daniel smiled in agreement.

We talked late, moving to the living room. Roger’s work was going well. His book was bringing in extra income, and recognition. Both he and Mary mentioned friends they had made. I was feeling good for them.

When Daniel and I retired to his room, he closed the door behind us and leaned back against it, just grinning broadly at me. I put down my bag and smiled back. “Miss me?” I asked.

Daniel sprang from the door and tackled me into the bed where we wrestled until we found ourselves wrapped in each other’s arms; we kissed. “Merry Christmas,” I said. “I have another present for you.”

“Can I start unwrapping?” Daniel asked as he started to pull up my sweater.

“No. A real present,” I freed myself from his arms and got up from the bed. As I opened my bag, I said, “Colin really did help me choose the backgammon set for you. He wanted me to get you a really fine set of clay poker chips we had seen, but I told him that you and I didn’t use chips when we played poker — afraid I embarrassed poor Colin.

What I did get was...” and I pulled out a gift-wrapped pair of black briefs that matched closely the pair Daniel had given me the previous Valentines Day.

Tossing the package to him, I told Daniel, “I wanted to complete your Hill Country Gay Rescue outfit.”

He laughed when he opened it. Then jumped from the bed and retrieved a wrapped package for me from a drawer. When I opened it, I found bright red silk boxers and a matching tank top, cut narrow in the back to expose the shoulder blades. “Shall we try on our presents?” I asked.

We stripped, making a show for each other, and were both hard as we pulled on our new underwear. Daniel was incredible in the black bikini briefs. My silk underwear was light, and, well, silky.

We made out for a while in our new underwear before I pulled the pouch of Daniel’s briefs to the side to free his cock and balls. He pulled my cock out of the fly of my boxers and ran his hand up my stomach. “You’ve gotten thinner,” he said reproachfully. “Too much running. You need to do some weights or something as well.”

“And you,” I said, grabbing his butt, “are getting soft. You need to do some exercise yourself.”

He wrapped his arms over my shoulders and sword fought our jutting cocks. “I thought you liked a soft tush,” he smiled slyly at me.

“Tonight, I will like it very much.”

He kissed me, and while kissing, pulled up my shirt. We pulled it over my head and then I pulled off his briefs. But before I could pull down my new boxers, he dropped to his knees in front of me and took me into his mouth.

I held his head as he bobbed on me, taking me deeply. Then he finally did pull down my boxers and took me into his mouth again. But I wanted our bodies together. Pulling him to his feet, I backed him to the bed and fell onto him.

We wrapped each other up in arms and legs, and kissed, first passionately, then slowly, more tenderly. His naked body felt so good in my arms, his hard cock so thick alongside mine, his lips so warm. “I was afraid you hadn’t missed me.”

He rolled us to put me on my back and ground his cock hard against mine. “Miss you?” he asked. “I’ve been going mad from missing you.” And then he opened his mouth over mine again, and we ground together in each other’s arms until we both had come, softened, and hardened again.

Over the next few days, Daniel introduced me to a half dozen friends he had made. Except for one, they were uniformly average looking, but knock dead dressers, even when they were just sitting around their homes.

The exception was Scott. Scott was slightly taller than me, and nicely built. He dressed in jeans and tank tops, or t-shirts. Whereas each of the others seemed just a little fake, Scott seemed genuine, slightly shy, and warm. He was also damned cute, with long brown hair that needed a shampoo, and a thin line of beard that followed his nicely chiseled jaw line.

All of the friends Daniel introduced me to, Scott included, were gay.

“At first,” Daniel explained, “Dad was glad as I made friends. But then he kept asking about what girls I had met, and about my friend’s girlfriends. I’m afraid he believes I’ve fallen in with a bad lot. He’s even asked if they do drugs. I told him ‘no’ because they only do alcohol and marijuana, and Dad meant the hard stuff.”

Daniel and his friends were planning a New Year’s Eve party at Robert’s house. Without outright lying, Daniel let Roger and Mary think that Robert’s parents would be there. In fact, they would be staying overnight at a hotel in Galveston for a ‘romantic’ New Year celebration. And they thought that Robert would spend the night at Jeremy’s.

Since Roger and Mary were also having a party for new friends, and people from Roger’s work, they wanted us there (partly, I was given to understand, to show me off — their second son). We compromised. Early on, we stayed at Daniel’s house, and later on, we went to Robert’s.

Robert’s was a very large house. When he and Jeremy welcomed us at the door, it was with full, beer-laden kisses on the lips; and at least in my case, they were tongue-probing kisses. As they led us farther into the house, I leaned to Daniel and asked, “What smell is that.”

He leaned back, “They’ve been smoking some weed.”

“Well,” I thought. “Small town boy meets the big city.” And I decided I would try to be the good influence Roger and Mary hoped I would be. I wanted to.

The den was huge, stretching across the back of the house. All six of the guys I had met were there, including Scott. In addition to Robert, Jeremy, and Scott, there were Larry (brown hair, medium height, slender) and David (a platinum blond, shorter, thin), and Carlos, (shoulder length, thick, black hair and a muscular looking build). I decided that the entrance requirements to the group were medium good looks, no fat, and great clothes (or attractive idiosyncrasies in Scott’s case). Larry and David appeared to be a couple; at least this evening.

Everyone had a beer in his hand, except for Scott, who was sitting by himself in a deep leather chair, drinking a tumbler of yellowish liquid. When Daniel started talking to Carlos, I drifted over to Scott. “What are you drinking?” I asked.

“Scotch. Care to try it?” he asked, holding the tumbler up to me. I took it and sipped. My gasp was involuntary.

Scott chuckled. “It takes a little getting use to, but it a good ‘man’s drink’ if you know what I mean.

I blinked my watering eyes and nodded. “Want your own glass?” he asked.

I wasn’t that big a fan of beer, and thinking that I would certainly drink something as strong as this scotch slowly, I agreed. Scott poured me a generous portion that I figured would last me all night. Only mine, he put over ice.

Daniel came over, eyeing my drink, a beer in his own hand. “Scotch, huh? You better watch that stuff. It will sneak up on you.”

“Not at the rate I’m drinking it,” I answered, and took an extremely small sip, barely wetting my lips to demonstrate. I noticed that it tasted better cold.

Someone put on disco music. Robert and Jeremy began dancing together. I was fascinated. Guys dancing together in public like couples at a dance, only much hotter. These guys had their hands on each other’s hips and were rotating their crotches together.

Daniel smiled and pulled me out into the middle of the room. We assumed a similar position and began to move to the music. Both of us were good dancers and earned an appreciative whistle from David and a hoot from Robert.

After a few dances, Robert put on a slower song. Daniel stepped close to me. Our arms went around each other. For the first time ever, we slow-danced together. He smelled good in his woodsy cologne. I had on the sweater Roger and Mary gave me (as well as my red silk underwear) and the wool smelled good. We grew hard, pressed together. We rested our cheeks together and danced in each other’s arms, even past the end of the music.

“Sweet,” Scott said to us as he passed by.

Daniel kissed my neck and I kissed behind his ear. Then I noticed again the smell of marijuana, and looking around the room, saw Larry and David passing a joint.

“Have you tried it yet?” Daniel asked.

I shook my head.

Taking me by the hand, he walked us over and took a hit. Letting out his breath, he held the joint toward me and said, “Try it.”

I shook my head. “Naw, I’ll just have a sip of my scotch,” and retrieved my glass. I took a sip and decided the rich flavor could grow on you.

When Daniel stayed with the other guys, I moved back over to stand beside him. They lit a second joint as they finished the first. Each time it made a round, they offered it to me; David especially kept after me to at least try it.

I finally tried a drag. The smoke burned my lungs and I coughed it all out instantly.

“No, no,” Robert said, coming over. “You have to hold it in.”

I was still choking. “I don’t smoke,” I coughed out. “I’m a runner,” as if that would explain it.

“Shotgun him,” Robert told Daniel.

I looked at Daniel inquiringly. He explained, “I take the hit, then blow out the smoke in a stream between my lips, right into your mouth and you breathe it in. It doesn’t bite so much.”

We tried it. It was easier to breathe in. It also didn’t hurt that my lips fit over Daniel’s as he blew. And so I let Daniel shotgun his hits on to me, and sipped my scotch each time to soothe my throat. Before long, my mind felt thick, but light, and I realized that for the first time in my life, I was getting a buzz on.

My memory of things after that is a bit jumbled. The next thing I remember noticing is that somehow Robert and Jeremy had gotten naked together on the couch. They both looked better naked, I thought. Jeremy had a little chest hair and hairy legs. Robert was smooth. They were sitting side by side, kissing and stroking each other’s cocks. I could see that Robert’s was average sized and cut, while Jeremy boasted a long, thin, uncut cock.

On the other side of the coffee table from us, Larry was kissing David. Across the the room, Carlos, on his knees, was feeling up Scott’s package.

I felt Dan’s hand run over my butt, and when I looked his way, he kissed me. He held the kiss and ran his hands over my body. I was more than ready to help him when Daniel lifted off my sweater, then my undershirt.

Larry and David watched us from where they sat. They looked at my bare torso and nodded together, approvingly. “Well hell,” I thought, “if they like me, Daniel will blow them away.” And I stripped off Daniel’s sweater and undershirt. We kissed and stretched out onto the floor, somehow rolling to the middle of it as we stripped off the remainder of each other’s clothes.

I remember lying on top of Daniel, and not minding at all that everyone in the room was naked. In fact, it was damned hot. Jeremy had his legs up, his butt at the edge of the couch, and Robert was fucking him. I watched, and each time Robert pushed in, his butt muscles clenched. Damned fine butt, I thought, vaguely wondering why they wore those fancy clothes all the time when every one of them looked so good naked. Then I chuckled to myself, and rolled off Daniel onto my side, to be better able to look around the room.

Scott and Carlos stood in an embrace, feeling each other up. Scott had a thick, fairly long, cut cock, hairy legs and smooth torso. I liked how he looked, and wondered what it would be like to “rescue” him. Carlos had dark leg hair and just a few dark hairs in the center of his chest. His cock was long, the fattest in the room, and uncut. And I had a sudden urge to hold it.

Daniel kissed down my chest and belly, and distracted me from watching the others as his hands fondled my balls and his tongue drew slowly up my cock. When his mouth closed over my crown, I groaned, and then noticed Larry and David stroking each other while watching us.

Larry was smooth with a fat cock that came to a small head. The skin on the shaft looked thick and soft. Then I noticed that David had an elegantly long cock that bent up at the end and looked to be uncut. And I realized that it was everyone’s cock that drew my attention. I decided I liked cocks.

For the first time, I noticed tubes of lubricant around the room. “Oh wow,” I mumbled, tremendously impressed. Daniel moved behind me with a tube, and I felt him lube my ass. Larry came over and shotgunned me again, then kissed me. “That was nice of him,” I thought.

David did the same thing to me. David, I decided, tasted better. Daniel entered me from behind. I closed my eyes to concentrate on the sensations and felt a little dizzy. Lips pressed against mine. I opened my eyes to find Scott lying naked on his side, facing me. He kissed me again and took my cock into his hand. I opened my mouth to moan and Scott thrust in with his tongue.

He kissed me deeply. Then he sucked on my nose and my ears. He licked my eyes. His fine line of beard tickled my face and neck. His hands were large and the skin on his palms was a little rough. Yet his fingers were gentle on my balls and the flesh of my cock. Scott licked down my neck and chest. He held my ribs as he firmly sucked each nipple. Then he tongued down my belly to my cock, moving with us as Daniel’s thrusts drove my hips forward and back.

I clutched his shoulders as Scott moved down. He had a nice body, but bony shoulders. At that moment, I decided that I liked bony shoulders. Daniel’s hands held me by the hips as he took long strokes, finding an angle that I liked. He ended each thrust with a firm push until his balls pressed my butt.

Scott held my cock in his hand and tongue whipped my crown as he stroked. I grabbed his hair, wanting him to take me into his mouth. And then he did, closing his lips over the end. He felt so warm and moist. He wrapped his hand around the base of my shaft and pushed down, stretching the skin, pressing against my pubic bone and down on my balls. In one motion, he swallowed the rest of my cock down his throat and I gasped.

Scott sucked me for a while; just sucked while stroking himself. His mouth felt damned good and Daniel felt damned good inside me; I was mildly surprised that they hadn’t brought me to climax, but then wondered if the scotch and marijuana slowed things down.

With a final tickle to my balls with his fingertips, Scott moved up and turned his back to me, so that we spooned and he backed himself onto my cock. He backed all the way on, his tightness traveling down my cock to the base, stretching me just like his hand had done earlier.

Scott had a good back; it felt strong under my fingers and his body felt solid. With a hand on his shoulder and one on his waist, I pulled his hips snuggly to mine, and then wrapped my arms around him. Scott rocked his butt back and forth on me as Daniel moved in and out from behind.

Whether it was the marijuana or simply that Dan knew how to hit all the best places inside me; the sensations of being in the middle, between them, were incredible.

Daniel kissed the back of my neck and stroked my side while I kissed the back of Scott’s neck and felt over his belly and chest, and I lifted my top leg to give them both room to move.

I lost track of time, enjoying the intense pleasure of Daniel behind, and in me, and of being buried deeply in Scott’s fine body. But then, Daniel’s hand clamped down on my side and he pushed in hard, and I felt his cock throbbing as he came inside me. Then, after a moment, he pulled out. Now I was freer to thrust into Scott. I pressed in hard until his butt pressed into my crotch, and then began to pump. But when I felt Daniel trying to re-enter, I held still. But as his cock pushed in, I realized that it wasn’t Daniel. This was a fat cock. I tried to see who it was; Carlos.

We moved in a new sandwich, and Larry bent over us to shotgun me again. Then he kissed me while Carlos pumped hard into me; harder than Daniel. But it felt OK, and in my state, it was all good. Then Larry knelt up over me and his cock was in my face. I tried ignoring it, but he rubbed it over my lips. I liked its feel and opened my mouth to taste it. He shoved it in.

With Larry’s belly blocking my view, I couldn’t see much, but I needed to come. I pulled Scott tight to me, thrusting hard until I my climax came. He cooperated, pushing his butt back hard and making it feel really good. But it was a strange climax; good, long lasting, but not quite there. It was almost like a partial orgasm, so I kept pumping. Then I felt Scott pull away.

Carlos was stretching the shit out of my butt and Larry filled my mouth. However, I was still aware when I felt lips slide over my cock. Somebody was sucking me clean, and it feel good; real good. Especially since I had this deep need to finish an unfinished orgasm. I wanted to come again.

Carlos came in me and pulled out. But I couldn’t really move with Larry in my face and someone else sucking me off. Almost immediately, someone else moved in behind me. This person was gentler than Carlos, but felt almost as big. Larry came in my mouth, and then pulled away, but my eyes were closed because whoever was sucking me was doing a damn fine job. And then another cock shoved into my mouth.

Whoever had been sucking me left and I was disappointed; I really needed to come again. But I barely had a moment’s rest before someone else was fondling my cock and I felt a tongue on my balls. Whoever it was worked on me until I was whimpering around the cock in my mouth, and then a new butt backed onto me and I grabbled whoever’s hips it was.

I discovered that it was Jeremy’s cum in my mouth when he pulled away from my face, and I could see that it was Daniel whose butt I was in. I grabbed his shoulders and pulled him to me, burying my face behind his head, partly in defense against a new assault on my mouth. I peaked back over my shoulder. Scott was the one fucking my butt.

So I relaxed a little because I liked Scott, and Daniel was in my arms. And I really needed to come again. But then Scott wrapped his arms around my waist and held me tightly while he pumped furiously, and then he grunted as he came. He gave my ass a friendly rub, and pulled out.

At least I was finally able to concentrate on Daniel. I was kissing the back of Daniel’s neck when David entered me from behind. It surprised me. I didn’t think there was anyone left needing to come again besides me. Despite his size, David entered easily. By then, my butt dripped with cum.

With Daniel in my arms, and his new, softer tush nestled in my crotch, I could almost ignore everything else. And actually, David didn’t feel bad inside; I’d gotten used to someone being back there. So I hugged Daniel’s body to mine, and concentrated on bringing myself off a second time.

David drove steadily and pleasantly, moving with me, and when I finally came, it was with an open mouth and a soundless cry, overwhelmed by an orgasm that waited too long.

I held Daniel there. I wanted to hold him because I wanted to hold him; and I wanted the protection. When David came in my ass and pulled out, I pulled out of Daniel and quickly, too quickly, rose to my feet before anyone else could move in. I swayed there for a moment. The room spun and I felt a queasy. I reached to take a sip of my scotch and it was gone. I wondered who had been drinking it, and then wondered if I was the one who drank it all.

Around me, naked guys were making love on the floor, on couches, in chairs. Daniel moved to Carlos who smiled, rolled to his back, and pulled up his legs. Daniel entered him the way I liked to be fucked, face-to-face. Daniel’s butt was beautiful as it tensed every time he thrust, but my poor cock was fucked out. I sat on a chair and laid my head back. I must have dozed off.

When I woke up, it was to the feeling of someone sucking on my cock again. I looked down. It was Carlos, and he had succeeded in getting my poor cock hard. As I watched, he stroked it. I tried to get more into it, but felt too numb to even hump his hand. He stood up, turned, and then sat down, back to me, taking the full length of my cock up his butt.

Daniel had fucked him, that much I remembered. If I could come again, I was going to mix my semen with Daniel’s inside Carlos. “X” and “Y” chromosomes together, inside Carlos. I giggled as I thought of a pregnant Carlos, and then felt dizzy.

Carlos rode me, bouncing like a kid on a pogo stick. And I recovered some. Carlos bounced and I pulled him down by his hips as I pumped up into him. I marveled when I came. I didn’t know I had any left in me.

Carlos stayed on my lap with me buried in him. Somebody was sucking him off. I softened and slid out, and then dozed off again.

I woke when Daniel tried to slide my boxers back up my legs. I pushed up to stand. “Uh, oh,” Daniel said, “Stand still a second.”

I stood, trying to hold the room still. Then I felt Daniel clean my butt with a warm, damp towel. He toweled my cock too. I helped him get me dressed.

A couple of guys who were still awake kissed me as we left. I fell asleep on the way home. Daniel helped me to his room, where I remember collapsing on his bed.

I woke in the morning, slowly, to a colossal headache. Daniel was asleep beside me on the pillow. Both of us had foul breath. And I ached in places I didn’t know you could ache.

There was no lovemaking that morning, though Daniel woke bright enough. I was grumpy. Daniel worked me into the shower and bathed me along with himself, and I groaned periodically, just to make sure I was still alive.

“Have fun last night?” Daniel asked as he scrubbed my neck and chest.

I glared at him. “I think I was gang raped. My insides have been replaced with spunk, my butt’s too loose to hold it, my mouth tastes like a toilet. Yeah, I had a great time.”

He looked at me quizzically, “When did you ever taste a toilet?” Then he smiled. “It was an orgy. You had your first orgy.”

“Drunken orgy,” I corrected. “Drunken orgy. First and last.”

“You’re just hung over.” He turned me around and scrubbed my back.

“I didn’t know hangovers can hurt in the places I’m hurting.”

“Well it’s your own fault. If you weren’t so good looking, everyone wouldn’t want a piece of you.”

“Well,” I said, “I think they all got a piece last night.”

“I’m sure they did,” Daniel agreed. “I’m not sure you were awake for all of it.”

“Oh, great. Raped and not even awake to enjoy it all.” Daniel scrubbed my bottom. It felt good. Then I had a thought. “You said it was my first orgy. I take it, it wasn’t yours?”

“Well, we’ve messed around a little,” Daniel admitted, rinsing the soap from my back and butt.

“So I guess you’ve found a way to get your rocks off in Houston now.”

“Only until the summer,” Daniel assured me. “Only until the summer.” Then he kissed the back of my neck and hugged me from behind.

I turned around in his arms and draped myself over him, drawing comfort from the feel of his wet body against mine, snuggling my nose into his neck. “I don’t feel so good.”

“You can throw up on me buddy. We’ll just rinse it off.”

“No, I’ll be fine I,” I said, snuggling closer. “I’ll just wake up when the water runs cold.”

Daniel rested his hands on my butt and we just rocked together under the shower.



“Maybe it’s better you get your rocks off this way; instead of with one guy. Then I don’t have to worry about you falling in love with someone else.”

He slapped my butt.

I went on. “But don’t get into drugs, OK? A little beer and grass are alright, but don’t go off the deep end on me.”

He pressed his hands on my butt to pull me tighter against him and kissed my neck. “No deep end.”

“Of course, if you did pick just one guy to get your rocks off with, that might be nicer, you know? Nicer than rescuing all of Houston. Your butt won’t get so loose.”

He slapped my ass.

“But if you do just mess with one guy,” I said. “I vote for Scott. He’s a nice guy.”

“Hey,” he said, leaning back. “Maybe I’m the one who should get jealous.”

“I’m too tired to slap your butt, asshole,” I mumbled. Give yourself a good swat for me.”

He slapped my ass again.

“You missed.”

At breakfast, Roger took one look at me and said, “I see you met Daniel’s friends.” Then he frowned, “I was hoping you would be a good influence on them.”

“How do you know he wasn’t?” Daniel asked.

Roger grunted. “Looks like he needed reinforcements.”

I could tell that Roger wasn’t happy with me. I figured helping Mary with the holiday meal was a good idea for getting back in his good graces. But I needed to clear my head. It was a bright day out; sunny, even warm. I thought maybe a swim would help.

However, when I jumped into their unheated pool, I discovered that you could add pain to suffering.

The shock treatment did the job, though. I woke, helped Mary, and Roger and I were back on good terms by the end of the first bowl game. It also helped his attitude toward me when that evening we had one hell of a bridge game and Roger was able to bid and make an “iffy” no-trump grand slam and another small slam in spades; especially since I was his partner both times.

Afterward, Daniel and I stumbled back to his room, exhausted. We brushed, pissed, stripped, and pulled back the bed covers in a daze. I crawled into bed and curled into a fetal position. Daniel turned out the lights and crawled in after me, snuggling up until we were spooned, and he was soon asleep. I lay there, however, finally having time to think. And I thought about the night before, and all the cool guys Daniel was meeting in Houston; and all the easy sex. Considering that I was going to be stuck back home in South Texas, it seemed to me that it would be really easy to lose Daniel.

Mary pounded on the bedroom door early, wanting help with moving boxes. She worked us most of the day until the house looked almost fully moved into. Late in the afternoon, we took Cutter for a run; well Cutter and I wanted to run. We wore Daniel out quickly.

So that night, I promised Daniel a back rub as a reward for running with us. Cutter followed us back and as I closed the door, Daniel wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me tight.

“You’re recovered from the party?” I asked.

“Yeah,” he said, rubbing his crotch on mine and nibbling my neck. “Aren’t you?”

“I am,” I said, pushing back from him. “But I promised you a back rub first. Strip.”

It was still early and I had Daniel all to myself again. I wanted to take our time. And I wanted some music to suit the mood – tired, mellow, sexy. For Christmas, Mom had given me a cassette of Romantic Classics that mainly consisted of pieces by Ravel and Debussy. I had brought it with me and decided it would be perfect. So I started it on Daniel’s cassette deck and stripped to the languid music. Daniel had stripped as well and stood eyeing me with a growing erection, hands on his hips. He was gorgeous.

“There,” I said. “Lie on the bed, tummy down… at least to start with.” I gave him a wink.

He threw me a pout as he climbed up onto the bed and lay down on his stomach. “It’s more fun, tummy up.”

I slapped his butt before climbing up to straddle it. “We’ll have fun.” I scooted my butt back so that my lengthening cock lay comfortably in his crack and then grabbed a handful of muscle on each side of his neck and began to work.

Daniel sighed and shifted under me. And though his muscles had softened just a little from the summer, his body was still a wonder.

Then Cutter spoiled the mood by jumping up on the bed. I started to chase him off.

“Let him stay,” Daniel encouraged. “We aren’t doing anything yet, and he’s missed you.”

As if on cue, Cutter crouched beside me, nuzzled my hip, licked it, then nuzzled under my butt. I pushed his head back around, but scratched his neck so he’d know we were cool, even if his nose was cold.

He scooted closer and rested his head on my thigh. “I think he wants a back rub, too,” I said, resuming my work on Daniel.

“I told you,” he’s missed you.

“Well I’m glad somebody did,” I said.

Daniel twisted from the waist and looked back at me for a moment, and then he pushed up on one arm, hooked the other around me, and pulled me over onto my back beside him. He slid up over me; his chest over my chest and his eyes bore down into mine.

“That’s the second time you’ve said something like that. Don’t even joke, Sean,” he said. Then he brushed the hair back from my forehead and his eyes roved lovingly over my face. “I told you; I miss you every day we’re apart,” he said softly.

He gently kissed my lips and then put his cheek to mine. “I think about you every day and dream about you every night? Don’t you know…” He pressed his cheek hard to mine. “I love you… my beloved.”

I wrapped my arms over him and he nuzzled my ear. “I’m so ready,” he whispered, “for this summer. We’ll be together for the summer, then at UT. And then forever.”

Just then the music filled the room with a swell of sound that matched the rise of my soul. “Move on top of me,” I whispered, and Daniel moved the rest of his body onto mine, his legs settling between mine. I opened them to him and pulled my knees up, making us snug. “Ummm,” I murmured. “You feel good. Let’s just stay like this till summer.”

He pumped twice with his hips and then lifted his head to show me his smile. The smile faded, and his eye grew hungry. “Damn I love you!” he said. “And I missed you so much this year.”

He kissed me again, and then he kissed lightly over my face and eyes. “We’re made for each other, Sean,” he whispered. “God, fate, nature, a billion years of evolution… whatever you want to credit. We were made for each other.” He looked down into my eyes. “I know that in my heart as well as I know anything.”

Running my fingers into the hair at the back of his head, I pulled his cheek down to mine. “My heart too, Daniel. My heart, too.” Then I stroked down the smooth skin of his back and rested my hands on the cool skin of his butt. The feel of it in my hands, the press of his weight between my legs and on my belly, the fall of his hair on my cheeks, and the soft touch of his lips on mine – I longed to press my heart to his the same way our bodies were one.

My stomach tightened, and I pulled him hard by his butt. “I missed you, too… my beloved,” I said, earnestly. “I missed you every day, and at night, I worried that you’d find someone else here in Houston; that you’d forget me.”

He started to say something, but I quickly continued. “But when I’m with you; when we’re like this, everything is perfect. Incredibly perfect.”

“Sean,” he whispered, wonderingly. “How could you ever think I’d forget you?”

And then the music swelled again, rising on strings and woodwinds. He kissed me and I opened my mouth to him, and the music, our souls, and our bodies became one.

Scott called the next morning to invite us over to play pool and soak in his hot tub. “My parents are gone all day,” he told Daniel.

“No pot,” I insisted, when Daniel told me. “And no drinking, and no rescuing.”

Daniel smiled mischievously. “I thought you liked Scott.”

“I have plans for you tonight,” I told him.

But I had not planned for Scott; for the way he answered the door in just shorts, and how he looked so damned hot, or the way he taught me to play pool. Seventeen years old, and I had never played, so Scott undertook to teach me, molding his tall, lean body to the back of mine as he explained each shot and techniques to use. And all the while, Daniel watched with an amused smile from across the pool table.

From the beginning, Daniel and I had always done other guys as well. When we ‘rescued’ other guys together, it had always been fun. Harmless fun; because there was so much more to how Daniel and I felt about each other than just physical attraction. And though I would have preferred having Daniel to myself, doing other guys, at least back then, back in the pre-aids world, never seemed to be a big deal.

And so, when Scott unbuckled me and reached into my pants to grab my cock inside my underwear, when his hot breath tickled the back of my neck and his hardness pressed against my butt, I was ready. Laying down the pool cue, I pulled him around in front of me, bent him over the pool table, jerked down his shorts, dropped my pants to my ankles, and spat into my hand.

I rubbed the spit at his hole and spat again to put some on the end of my cock. Then I grabbed his hips and pushed in, all the way.

The angle was good, he felt tight on my shaft as I moved in and out. It was too much for Daniel, who stepped behind me, dropped his pants, and rubbed spit into my crack. I held still when he pushed in, and he pushed in hard, squeezing me between his loins and Scott’s butt, squeezing me deep into Scott.

For all the trouble that it was to get the rhythm right in a sandwich, I decided I really liked being the middle, especially standing. Daniel hit all the right places.

While Daniel did the driving, I held onto Scott’s hips, grinding into him with a series of circular motions. He had a good back, and from time to time, I ran my hand over his muscles, but mostly, I concentrated on the feelings of his tightness on my shaft, his butt filling my lap, and the amazing things Daniel’s cock was doing inside me.

And when Daniel and I finished, Scott took me to the floor, lifted my legs, and satisfied himself with me while Daniel stroked his semi-erection and watched.

And then later, in the hot tub, I did Scott again, but this time, Daniel backed into him and made Scott the middle.

That night, I lay with my head on Daniel’s butt as we watched TV. “Is it different for you,” I asked, “when it’s just us? You know… making love?”

“That’s the only time I make love,” Daniel said simply. “When I’m with you.”

“You don’t feel the same way when it’s with other guys?”


“Even when you’re just with one guy?” I asked.


“Even when you’re kissing?”

“No,” Daniel said and twisted to look back at me. “Are you getting jealous again?”

“I haven’t been jealous,” I protested. “This Fall, I was just afraid of losing you.”

“But we settled that, right?”

“Yeah,” I said, almost sure of that. “Sometimes it’s just hard for me to believe that you could possibly love me as much as I love you.”

“More,” he said.

I turned to my side, facing up his body, and rested my cheek on his but cheek. “I was asking about sex with other guys mainly because I was curious. You know. It’s just that when it’s only us, like last night, it’s incredible. But when it’s other guys, it can be hot, but it’s still always just sex… even if they’re hot kissers like Scott.”

“Oh? Always?’ Daniel asked. He sounded skeptical and I wondered what he was thinking.

“Yeah,” I answered. “Like today with Scott. He’s the coolest of your friends; he’s cute; he’s a hot kisser and I love his butt – I mean, it was hot sex and everything. But it wasn’t at all the same as you and me last night.”

“So sex with any other guy is different than what we have?” Daniel asked quietly.


Daniel considered for a moment. “What about Ry?”

I’d forgotten about Ry.

“How do you feel when you’re with Ry?” he asked. “Is it just sex?”

“It’s not the same as you and me,” I protested, glancing sideways at Daniel.

“Is it lovemaking?” Daniel asked quietly.

“It’s not the same as you and me,” I repeated.

“But it is lovemaking,” Daniel said.

I nodded the back of my head on his butt. “Yeah. Ry’s different. With him, it’s lovemaking.” Then I glanced at him again. “But not the same as you and me.”


January, Senior Year

Ryan was over just after church the first Sunday I was back, and later, when we were alone for a moment in the entrance hall, he threw his arms around me and quickly kissed me. Then he hugged my neck hard. “I missed you,” he whispered. “I missed you a lot.”

I hugged him back, but only briefly. Anyone could walk in. He stayed later that evening than he usually did.

Dad had been given two tickets to a Spurs game in San Antonio for the following Sunday, and since I’d just been to Houston, I encouraged him to just take Colin. So I was alone with my mom and little sister the next Sunday when Ryan came over.

I told him that one of the baby mullets had died and asked if he wanted to dissect it. His eyes lit up, so I bent over to find the dissecting kit I’d stored in the stand under the aquarium. I stayed bent over too long. He goosed me and I banged my head under the aquarium.

The bump wasn’t enough to hurt, but it was enough for me to frown and come at him. I tackled him to the floor, pulled up his shirt, and blew a huge raspberry on his belly. He squealed and I did it again, barely hearing the phone ring.

We wrestled, managing to rub crotches and get hard while looking like we were wrestling. I had him pinned to the floor when I heard Mom clear her throat at the doorway.

“That was Anne Wright,” she said. Mrs. Wright was the mom of one of my sister’s friends. “I’m going to take Laurie and we’re going to meet them at the mall. Laurie needs to spend a couple of Christmas gift certificates and we’ll probably eat supper there. Your dad and Colin won’t be back till late. Can you fend for yourself?”

I looked from her back down to Ryan, who bit his lip, and then back at her. “Sure.”

We lay there, my body pinning his, and watched her gather up her keys and purse in the next room. We grew harder against each other as we watched, and then I rubbed against him as we listened to them leave and the door close.

Ry’s eyes danced as he looked up at me. “We’re alone!” he whispered.

“My room?” I asked with a grin.

We bounded for it, and locked the door. Then we stripped, hard cocks wagging, and Ryan flew to my arms. We got our cocks adjusted straight up between us as we kissed furiously, and then I grabbed his butt, lifting him. He wrapped his legs around my waist, and I carried him to my bed. Carefully, I laid him down, and me on him.

And then we ground and kissed. After so much lovemaking with Daniel in Houston, I’d been horny within a day of returning, and now it had been two weeks. And I’d barely jerked off; jerking off seemed more awkward now if Colin was around.

When Ry laid his knees out to the side, I grabbed lube and got us both ready. Then I stuffed a pillow under his butt and eased into him. I slid in slowly, feeling his tightness travel down my cock, watching his body tense just slightly, then receive it, willingly.

But the best part with Ry, was when we wrapped each other up. I lay down on him, moving my knees forward to either side so that I could bend at the waist enough to push all the way in while still pressing his cock between our bellies.

I pressed in until my balls were snug on his butt and the pressure of his opening at the base of my cock stretched the skin back from my shaft, making me feel long and deep inside him. He hooked his heels over my butt and wrapped his slender arms tightly over my shoulders. Then I wrapped his smaller body in my arms and ground, more than thrust, into him.

“Oh, damn, Ry,” I whispered huskily. “You feel so damned good.” And to myself, I thought that no one fit my body like Ry’s slender form. All entwined, I pressed my cheek to his. “No one feels like you do.”

Ry ran his fingers into the hair at the back of my head and kissed beside my ears, swiveling his hips slightly to meet my movements. “No one makes me feel like you do, Sean.”

“No one?” I wondered absently, out loud. “Who else?”

He chewed my ear, and then arched under me as I bent hard at the waist, trying to go even deeper. “Huh?” he asked.

“Who else are you comparing me to,” I asked, smiling as I kissed his neck.

“Oh,” he said, absently. “Austin, I guess. And Daniel.”

We ground in wider circles.

“And,” he added. “I guess no one could make me feel like you make me feel.”

“Trust me,” I said, taking his hands and stretching his arms up over his head, stretching our torsos out together. “It can’t get better.”

And part of my mind reflected on that as we moved together. The best love making with Daniel always felt so loving. Loving and hot, often incredibly hot. But Ry’s body fitted mine perfectly, and no matter how loving we became, there was always fire.

We kissed, opening our mouths to each other while I pressed in deeply, our bellies rubbing his cock between us. We moved like that, mouths locked, bellies pressed, grinding, until I came quietly, but lasting; a long, rich, orgasm.

And I kept moving, making my belly harder against Ry’s erection. I moved until I was fully hard again, and I picked up my pace as Ry drew closer. With his wrists pinned above his head, he arched up, the backs of his legs on my hips for leverage, pressing himself up and against my hard abs.

His arch tightened, and I heard it, even before I felt the warmth of his semen splashing up between us.

He relaxed. And I released his wrists and our kiss, resting my cheek on his. But my hips kept moving.

“You gonna come again?” he asked softly.

“Ummm, yeah,” I answered.

“And then I’ll be hard again,” he said with a soft chuckle. “And then you’ll be hard again.”

“Guess we’ll just have to do this forever,” I said with a sigh.


I slid my hands under his back and pulled him upright into my lap, staying buried deeply inside him.

He grasped my hair while I slowly rose and sank back over and over inside him. “I wish we could do this all the time,” I said.

“We need to go to the beach again,” he said, as he began to lift himself up and down, adding to my movements.

“Yeah,” I agreed. “That was so great. Free to just relax and be together all night.”

“And all day,” he added.

He bent his back, pressing forward with his cock, which was stiffening again. So I rose up on my knees, bringing our bellies closer. We kissed, and I laid him back down, back to our favorite position.

It’s funny what images stick in our memories. After I came the second time and pushed up onto my elbows to look down at him, I found him smiling broadly. “I told you I’d be hard again,” he said. “You’re just going to have to keep going.”

“Maybe,” I said with a raised eyebrow, “I’ll just play ‘Mama’ and ‘Papa’ on you.”

He laughed, there, in my arms, with me still buried deeply in him. His eyes were happy, really happy. His hair, splayed over my pillow, framed his smiling face. His pupils were wide with affection and admiration, and he made me feel warm, content, and happy myself.

I will always remember that moment.

Toward the end of January, I received a letter from Peter asking if Daniel and I would be taking a bicycle tour in the hill country again that summer, and also asking if he and Alan could join us. I was a little hesitant, remembering that Alan was quite a talker. So I wrote to Peter and told him that Daniel and I would be taking another tour, and might be able to ride a day or two together, but that Daniel and I were looking forward to the time together.

Colin picked up a new girlfriend, Sarah, at a New Year’s party, and they grew increasingly serious during January; serious, that is, emotionally. Colin confided that she wouldn’t let them do more than kiss.

So I was both surprised and not surprised when he woke me the last Saturday night in January by crawling into my bed after one of their dates.

“What are you doing?” I asked groggily as he rubbed my bare butt.

“What do you think?” he asked.

I shrugged. “I guess I thought you weren’t interested anymore.”

“Sean,” he said, propping himself up on an elbow behind me. “I’m not gay, OK? It’s just… well, I get horny, you know… and like you said, guys our age mess around.”

“So you got all horny with Sarah tonight and nothing happened?”

“Well, sorta,” he said, reaching over my hips to fondle me while pressing an erection against my butt.

“I’ll let you do me, too,” he whispered.

What could I say? It’d had been a month since I was with Daniel, and two weeks since Ry and I had been together. I turned over to face him and grabbed his cock, too.

Daniel and I usually spoke together by phone on weekends, when the rates were lower. However, that next week, he called on a Tuesday. “I told my parents that I’m gay.”

“That couldn’t have been much of a surprise for them,” I said.

“You wouldn’t have known that if you had been there. By the way, they were amazed that you’re gay too.”

“Guess there was no way around mentioning that, huh?”

“Nope. But now they think I turned you gay.”

I thought that over. “You could have said I turned you gay; it wouldn’t be true either but it might have made it easier for you.”

“I thought you knew me better than that, asshole.”

“Yeah. Sorry. But it’s not honest either to let them think you turned me gay.”

“Well, we’re getting over it.”

“Rough, huh? How are they handling it?”

“Dad wanted to talk about a couple of ‘effective therapies.’ I shut that down. Mom cried some. Well, no. Mom cried a lot.”

“So will they ever let me see you again?”

Daniel laughed, “If they didn’t, it would be to protect you. You know how much they love you, numbskull.”

“I love them too, Dan. They’re like my parents now. Hey, maybe sometime you could point that out, you know, ‘your not losing a son, your gaining...another son.’”

“Yeah, I’ll remember that one for when I want things to really go bad. By the way, Dad says he’s going to call you.”


“He says he wants to talk to you. Didn’t say too much why.”

“Thanks for the warning.”

“He said to tell you.”

I sighed. “Ok. Tell him I’m ready when he is.”



“I miss you.”

“Especially now, huh?”


“I miss you too...beloved.”

Roger called the next evening. I took the phone into Colin’s and my bedroom. “Hello.”

“Hi, Sean. How are you doing?”

“I’m doing really well, Dr. Reese. I guess the question is how are you doing?”

There was a pause. “Thank you, Sean. I’m doing well. Mary is still working through things. This sort of thing changes a parent’s world you know—hopes, dreams for our children. Both of our children, Sean.”

I understood what he implied and was grateful. “You haven’t disowned me?”

“I hope you’re joking, Sean. You know how much we love you. I admit, it puts your friendship with Daniel in a different light. I’m trying to adjust to the idea. These things do not change the love that Mary and I have for you. And this doesn’t change the fact that you are always welcome here.” There was another short pause. “Even if you and Daniel are lovers.”

“I suppose,” he continued, “that Daniel mentioned this, but I’m going to say it anyway. Just because the Society has officially taken homosexuality off the list of recognized disorders doesn’t mean that there aren’t treatments to help change your sexual orientation if you want. Effective treatments, Sean. You can live a normal life.”

“Dr. Reese,” I said, “my ‘orientation’ is Daniel. I don’t want to change that.” I was a little angry and may have sounded that way.

He was silent. Then he said very seriously, “Sean, you need to tell your parents. They deserve to know. And you need to be careful how you tell them. It may be hard for them to take.”

“Yes sir.”

“You’ll tell them then.”

“Yes sir. I will tell them.”

“Then have your Dad call me when you do. I would like to talk to him.”

That night, late, I found Dad alone in the den, in his reading glasses, reading a book on military history while listening to Chopin. I asked if I could turn down the music. He nodded, removed his glasses, and closed his book, looking up to me expectantly.

“Dad. Daniel has had a talk with Dr. Reese and he, Dr. Reese, thinks I need to tell you something I think you already know.”

Dad nodded. “Did you tell Dr. Reese that I already knew about you and Daniel?”


“Thank you, Sean. That was probably best. How is he handling it?”

“I guess alright. Daniel says it has been real hard on his Mom, though.”

Again Dad nodded thoughtfully. “What exactly did Daniel tell his Dad?”

“That he...and I are gay.”

Dad shook his head. “I still haven’t gotten use to that word used that way.” Dad ground his teeth, thinking. “How is Daniel doing? How is he doing in the ‘big city.’”

“OK, I think, Dad.”

“Well I’ve been worried about him and praying for him.” He looked at me, speculatively, “I figured that sooner or later you and I would have this discussion. I’ve thought a lot about it, Sean. I had to wrestle through a lot of emotions, and try to think things through. Well, anyway, I decided to make you an offer I hope you will accept. I’m going to make you a promise and I want you to make me one too, OK?”

“What promise?

“Alright. I promise that I will do everything I can to get you to UT with Daniel, and to help you boys maintain your friendship, or relationship, or whatever you want to call it. You’re good for each other, and I recognize how much you love each other. I promise I’ll help you all I can.”

I was surprised. Dad was so religious. “You can do that? It won’t bother your conscience?”

Dad smiled. “To love you and Daniel? No. I want to be wise in my love for you boys. I think foolish love can be very destructive. In this case, I think it would be wise to keep you boys together. Daniel needs you. And whatever else, he is a remarkable friend for you, Sean. But that does bring up the promise I want from you.”

“What’s that?”

“I want you to promise that you won’t turn your back on God.”

That surprised me.

Dad continued, “I know you’ve heard in church, and will probably hear again from Christians, that God disapproves of homosexuality. Maybe He does. I know He disapproves of some of the things that I do, every day. The most important thing though, is to trust God to help you find His best for you and the people you love. Hang onto God, Sean. Don’t walk away from Him just because you think He wants to take something away from you.”

Dad sighed, “Son, I’m not trying to tell you what God does or doesn’t say about how you and Daniel feel about each other. My job as your Dad, before God, is to simply encourage you to seek God honestly, and to never turn away from Him. God is perfectly capable of showing you how you need to live your life to be right with Him. He loves you, Sean, with a love and an intellect that is far beyond our understanding.”

Dad looked me in the eye. “I will help you with UT, if you will promise me that you will not turn your back on God.”

“And if I don’t promise? I’m not sure about what you want, Dad. I appreciate that you think Daniel and I belong together as friends, but if you think we’re ever going to break up, at least for religious reasons, you’re wrong.”

Dad sighed, and looked out the window into the night. “You and Daniel feel that strongly about each other?”


I knew my dad. I knew he was wrestling with a lot of things he wanted to say. And I suspected that one of them had to be something like we were too young to understand love, or that we simply had a crush on each other, or that relationships like ours don’t last.

“Sean,” he said. “God has an eternal perspective. And people, particularly at your age, tend to look at the here and now. You want to be together with Daniel, maybe your whole life.” He nodded, as if to himself. “It could happen.” Then he looked right into my eyes. “I want you to be together in this life and the life to come.”

“So God can make us lovers forever?”

Dad smiled sadly. “Did you know that scripture indicates that sexual relationships will fall away in the life to come, even between husband and wife? There are things that last beyond this lifetime Sean. It’s not hard to believe that sex is not one of them. Life is more than sex; it is much, much more than that. And so is love.”

He put a hand on my shoulder and smiled at me kindly. “I would have never offered to help you two be together if I didn’t believe that what you feel for each other was simply sexual attraction, in whatever form.”

He stood up taller, as if deciding something. “Forget the offer,” he said. Then he surprised me by pulling me into a hug. “I’ll help you two if I can. Because I love you, I don’t really have a choice.” Then he squeezed me even tighter in his strong arms. “And God loves you far more than I can.”

He kissed my forehead. “I have always felt honored to be your Dad. I can’t imagine you ever making me feel otherwise, but even if you tried, you will always be my son. And I will always love you and be praying for you.”

He started to turn away from me, but then turned back and put his hand back on my shoulder. “No one has ever given up anything for God that He hasn’t blessed over and over. Don’t underestimate God.”

Despite what she and dad might have suspected, until that conversation with Dad, Mom had treated me pretty much as usual. But now, she barely spoke to me. Things came to a head a few days later when we were both in the laundry room.

I was helping Mom sort laundry. We had been working in silence, Mom loading the washer, me folding clothes as I took them from the dryer. Suddenly, she clenched her hands around a couple of towels and pressed them to the top of the washer. I turned, thinking she had done something to hurt herself.

She turned and looked sharply at me. “Sean, all you need is a couple of wrong decisions to really ruin a life.”

I was quiet, watching her.

She threw the towels into the washer. “Daniel is making a mess of his life. And you’re making bad decisions. Your granddad has made you a wonderful offer for college, and yet you are dead set to go to that terrible school, just so you can be with Daniel. You will make just as big a mess of your life as he is making of his.”

I learned from childhood that it was never a great idea to argue with my mom. I just began folding clothes again.

She threw a couple more towels into the washer. “And I don’t care what words you wrap it in, Sean David. Wrong is wrong.” She leaned toward me and fairly hissed, “You can call it ‘gay’ but it’s not gay. It’s homosexuality. And it’s not right. It’s just wrong.”

She started to storm from the room, but then turned, her fists clutched at her side. “And if you or your friends ever do the least little thing to corrupt your brother or sister, I will throw you out of my house just like that.” She snapped her fingers in my face. I could get mad, too. I hissed back, “Any time, Mom. Just any time.” I was angry and I know I sounded defiant. I might has well have included the word “bitch” the way I had spoken.

My Mom had never lifted a hand to me in anger, but she did that time. I believe she was going to slap my face when she caught herself, and simply stood there for a moment. Then she put both hands on my face and her eyes filled with tears. “Sean,” she choked, “I love you.” Then she bit her lip, “Please be careful.” She turned and hurried from the room.

Ryan didn’t come over at his usual time that Sunday. When he hadn’t come by mid-afternoon, I wondered if Daniel’s Mom had said something to her brother, Uncle James about Daniel and me being gay. My suspicions were confirmed that night when Ryan called.

“I can’t talk long,” Ryan whispered. “Everyone’s in the other room.”

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

He was quiet.


“Why’d he do it?” Ryan asked in a broken voice. “Why’d Daniel tell his parents?”

“I guess he felt he had to, Ry. Sooner or later, he had to.”

There was a sob.



“I take it,” I said, “that your parents know now too?”

He cleared his throat. “Yeah.”

The bottom was dropping farther and farther from my stomach. I decided to ask the worst. “Did your dad tell you not to see me any more?”

“Yes,” he answered in a small voice.

As usual, emails are greatly appreciated at btomandback@hotmail.com