Date: Sat, 7 Sep 2002 16:22:06 -0400 (EDT) From: Dave A Subject: Secret Love part 7 The following story may contain sexual situations between teen-age boys. If this offends you, what are you doing here? If reading this means you're breaking some narrow-minded rule, then don't get caught. I hope you enjoy. To all my regular readers, my apologies for the long break between chapters. A few of you have been in contact with me and I thank you for your patience. I finally finished this chapter and while I don't expect to turn out a chapter a week, I hope to not take nine months to turn one out again. Since it's been a while, I'll remind you that Matt and Jesse have just had their first fight due to Matt's struggle with his sexualality. One reason this chapter took so long is that I had a hard time trying to get into the minds of my characters. I hope I did alright. Enjoy. A SECRET LOVE Chapter 7 - Winning Through Losing Jesse just kept walking. He walked all the way to where another path crossed the one he was on. He turned left towards home, but after only a few steps he reconsidered. If he went home now, in this condition, he would have to explain why he was crying. Nothing plausible came to mind. He turned around and headed the other way, walking with his head down, not really paying attention to where he was going. Suddenly he found himself standing alongside the stream, next to a fallen tree. No, not A fallen tree, THE, no, THEIR fallen tree. He moved carefully out to the middle of the log and gingerly sat down in the middle. Jesse sat looking down-stream, much the way Matt was that day when they first discovered each other. The similarity ended there. Matt had been contemplating some very tough questions. Who was he? What did he want? Could he handle being gay? Jesse already knew the answers to these questions. He knew who he was. He was Jesse - kind, caring, loyal, friendly and gay. He knew what he wanted too, and right now that was Matt. His handsome face with that beautiful smile. His incredible body. His gentle touch that made Jesse feel so relaxed and content. But it went beyond the physical. They shared a competitive nature. Jesse thrived on pushing Matt, and being pushed back. Plus, Matt was a compassionate listener and wasn't afraid to share his feelings. He was the one to say "I love you." The one who put his heart on the line verbally. But then the next day, a complete 180. He closed himself off to Jesse and everyone else. When he finally did open up, it was an ugly burst of anger and fear, which brings us to that third question. Jesse was pretty sure that Matt was certain of his homosexuality, but he was not confident in it. Jesse on the hand was, at least in his own mind. No, he wasn't ready to come "out," but he wasn't afraid of being discovered. As long as it wasn't his father. But, Matt couldn't even seem to handle being seen with him despite the fact that no one knew what was going on between them. He was scared to death that someone might figure it out. Jesse knew this was more than he could take. If Matt was going to be an emotional pendulum, then the radical swings were bound to make Jesse sick to his stomach. * * * * * * * * * * * * Matt sat in the middle of the path with his face in his hands until the tears began to dry up. He raised his head and looked around to find himself alone - so alone. The one person he could talk to he had pushed away, although he wasn't completely sure how. What had he said? It all came flowing out so suddenly he couldn't remember. Matt stood up. He had to figure out what he had done wrong so he could fix it. He started walking down the path towards his favorite quiet spot, but as he turned toward the stream, he saw that his spot was occupied. Matt froze in his tracks. He stood completely still and practically stopped breathing. He watched as the beams of sunlight breaking through the trees danced across Jesse's thick, black mane. The tears started to flow again, and he tried desperately to say something - anything. But fear held his words tightly in his throat. He couldn't face Jesse's anger again so soon, especially when he didn't know how to allay it. Finally, his legs found the will to move him. Matt slowly turned around and headed back in the direction of his own house. He had another place he could go to think. * * * * * * * * Jesse thought he heard something behind him and instinctively whipped his head around to look. All he saw were trees, their branches swaying lightly in the breeze drifting through the woods around him. There was no other movement - no animals, no parents, no Matt. Jesse turned his head back around and sighed deeply. He was all cried out, at least for now, and decided he ought to head home before his mom called Matt's to check on him. He got up and walked over the edge of the stream. Jesse bent down and scooping up the clear water in his hands splashed his face. He rubbed under his eyes and down his cheeks, trying to wipe away the evidence of his tears. Without a mirror to check, he could only cross his fingers and hope as he headed towards home. As Jesse came to the juncture of the two paths, he stopped and looked back towards where he left Matt, but there was no one to be seen. He took a deep breath to calm himself and headed out of the woods and onto his street. Anne was in the kitchen and turned her attention to the front door when it opened. "Hey honey," she said at the sight of her son, "You're back early. Anything wrong?" "Nah, Matt has some family stuff to do. I'm gonna go rest for a while. Didn't get much sleep last night." Jesse was in no condition to answer a slew of questions from his mom so he decided hiding out was the best idea. "OK honey. Let me know when you're rested. I'll make you some lunch." OK Mom," Jesse called back as he headed up the stairs. He shut his bedroom door behind him and flopped onto his bed. He stared up at the ceiling of his room and let his mind drift back to the previous night. Jesse remembered that incredible shower he shared with Matt. He never knew a shower could be so much fun. Then he got a vision in his head of Matt laying on the bed, legs up in the air with his pucker exposed and a huge smile on his face. Jesse imagined sinking his cock into that ass and was immediately hard. He slipped his shorts down just enough to pull out his cock and gripped it tightly in his hand. In no mood for play, Jesse jerked at his meat with abandon. He reached orgasm quickly and bit down on his free hand to avoid moaning out loud. As his orgasm ceased, the image in his head was quickly replaced with sound of Matt's voice. "Jess.....I love you babe," played over and over in his head. The tears started to flow again. Jesse knew he couldn't let this morning define his relationship with Matt. He had to talk to him, but he had no idea what to say. He was so afraid of pushing Matt away when he was already having serious problems accepting his true feelings. Without even cleaning up, Jesse rolled over and drifted off to sleep. The day's events had drained him mentally as well as emotionally. * * * * * * * * * * Matt followed the path back towards his house and right past it. He had a bit of walk ahead of him, but it would give him time to think. After a short walk, Matt came to the culvert passing under the main road at the end of his street. He slipped his shoes off, then removed his socks and tucked them inside his shoes. He took a few steps in and stopped to allow his eyes to adjust to the darkness. If you took your time, you could manage to see where you were walking. That was important since you never knew what kind of debris might be waiting for your bare feet in here. Once on the other side, Matt decided to just carry his shoes and stay in the stream. The plant growth right here was very heavy and there was a clearing only about 200 yards upstream. Matt climbed up to the bank in a large clearing. This wasn't his final destination, but he sat down in the grass anyway to let his feet dry. This was when his mind drifted back to the start of the day. Jesse had just snapped. What had he done to deserve that? He knew he had been a jerk when Angie came home, but she had nearly caught them. He had every right to be a little freaked out -- didn't he? "Of course I do," he said to a rabbit that had wandered out into the open. Matt laid back and closed his eyes against the high, early afternoon sun. "I'm allowed to be scared. This could change my whole life." My Whole Life. The words echoed in his head. My. Whole. Life. What had he gotten himself into? Why did this have to happen to him? It was Michael who was supposed to be gay. He was the one always into girly things growing up. Matt was an athlete. A stud - OK, he was no stud, but a masculine guy. He hung with the guys.....and wondered how they hung. Oh God. He was Dad's favorite. Now he would be an outcast. To his family, his friends, his teammates and to everyone. He couldn't do this; couldn't be this. But then again, how could he not? He knew that girls didn't have the same effect on as boys. He had dated and kissed a few girls. Because they wanted him to and if he didn't, word would get out. Hell, he had even felt up that last one, and nothing. No interest in where he was or could go if he tried. Then there was that one night with his Uncle Dave. Someone Matt wasn't even really attracted to, not that he wasn't good looking, but he was his uncle. Matt just didn't look at him that way. But still once it started, Matt couldn't wait to go farther. Then he had met Jesse, and there was no denying it. He dreaded every moment apart and cherished every moment together. (At least every moment alone with him, but Matt didn't even think about that.) He had never felt so twisted up inside, never needed another person so desperately. He needed someone to talk to, but who? All Jesse did was scream at him and walk away. Everyone else would just end up hating him -- he was sure of that. Then it hit him. Matt sat bolt upright. "Uncle Dave," he proclaimed to the open air around him. (His rabbit friend had moved on.) He would be able to help. Matt decided to forgo another trip through the culvert and put his socks and shoes back on his feet. He went towards the back of the clearing where there was a path back to the main road. It made for a longer trip, but it was easier and probably faster. Once he breached the woods, Matt ran down to his street and right on to his house. He came through the front door and not seeing anyone around, he went straight for the phone. He found the number in his mom's address book and started to dial until he froze on the fifth number. He remembered why he never called Uncle Dave. What if Aunt Allison answered. Since he had never called before, she would wonder why he was now and he had no answer to that question.. He place the handset back into its cradle and sat down at the kitchen table. What now? Matt was still sitting there when Michael came through the kitchen and poked his head in the fridge. He came out with a cold pop and caught sight of his little brother sitting there with a dejected look on his face. "Where's your little boyfriend? You two have a fight?" Matt sprung to his feet. "Fuck you asshole. You're the fag here." Had he just said that? Man, did he need some help. "I am not a fucking fag you little shit," Michael said in a threatening tone. "Oh, yeah, like I'm scared of you. Just get away from me before I really get pissed." "Whatever," Michael stated, "I'm on my way to meet a girl anyway." He headed out the front door without another word. Matt went for the front door and stuck his head out. It better not be Jennifer -- Mom will kick your ass," he said getting in one extra shot. Michael just shot him a hateful stare and got into the car and drove off. Matt spun around to find his mother burning a hole through him with her eyes. "What was that all about?" She asked with tone that sound none too pleased. "He started it," Matt defended himself. "I don't doubt it, but that doesn't give you the right to start screaming four-letter words all over my house. And I thought I told you not to bring up Jennifer with him." "But, you didn't," Matt started but Sharon was just continued that death stare. "Yes. ma'am. I'm sorry," he finished. "OK," she replied, "but you can just go to your room for a little while and think about how you can control your temper." Matt obliged. It was where he was headed anyway. "Where's Jesse?" His mother's voice drifted down the hallway. "He wanted to get a little sleep. We were up most of the night. I'm going to do the same." "I'll wake you for dinner." "OK, mom," he replied and shut his bedroom door behind him. Completely drained, Matt flopped on his bed and was asleep almost immediately. * * * * * * * * * * * * Jesse was just beginning to stir when he was brought fully awake by a light rapping at his bedroom door. As his door swung slowly open he realized that he was still half undressed and pulled his blanket over his exposed body. "Jesse, honey," his mom's voice drifted softly into the room. "You slept right through lunch. How about getting up for some dinner?" "OK Mom," Jesse replied. "I'll be right down." Jesse's door closed and he got out of bed. His torso was covered with dried cum so he went into the bathroom to clean up. Jesse wasn't sure he would be able to eat, but when his stomach started to rumble he figured that he needed to even if he didn't want to. Satisfied that he was clean enough, he pulled up his shorts and headed downstairs. As he descended the staircase, he could smell vegetable soup. His mom had made a light dinner, and Jesse was glad for that. As he rounded the corner at the bottom of the steps he saw his mom ladling the soup into bowls and his dad sitting at the table. "It lives!" Jim exclaimed at the sight of his son. "Guess someone had a little too much fun last night." For a moment Jesse worried that his dad knew too much, then he came to his senses. "Yeah, we were up pretty late." "Well, sit down and eat up," Anne stated. "You're a growing boy." "Oh c'mon Mom," Jesse whined in reply as he sat down. He found a ham and cheese sandwich to go with his soup and actually found himself able to eat. Jim seemed to be full of questions about Jesse's evening and the game tomorrow. Jesse kept his answers as short as he could not wanting to reveal anything. Finally, Anne chimed in with a question of her own. "Are you all right Jesse? You don't seem yourself." Jesse was ready for this one. "Yeah, I'm fine. Just kinda nervous about the first game...and still a little tired." "Good," Jim replied. "You'll be ready for bed early and you can get a good night's sleep before the game tomorrow. You've got nothing to be worried about." "I suppose," Jesse said as he finished off his soup. "Can I go watch some TV?" Anne waved her hand in reply, shooing her son to the living room. Anne started clearing the table as she heard the TV come on in the next room. As she stood at the kitchen sink, Jim put his arms around her waist and kissed the side of her neck. This struck her as strange. They had always had an affectionate relationship, but since the incident with Jesse back in Florida Jim had barely touched her. "I think Jesse is fitting in just fine here," Jim said. "The baseball team, a good friend in Matt plus I think there's something between him and Angie. Now if we could just get that hair cut." `That explains it,' Anne thought. `Jim is beginning to feel like maybe his son isn't a freak.' "He'll cut his hair when he's ready - don`t push him," she replied, but she wasn't sure that day would ever come. She hoped that Jim would be able to accept their son for who he was, especially if Jesse turned out to be something Jim didn't want him to be. "I know and I won't," Jim conceded. The Edgell's sat quietly and watched TV until about 9:30. At that point Jesse went up to bed. He was still pretty drained from last night and this morning. Jesse woke up around midnight with a dry throat and got up to get a drink. He considered the sink in his bathroom, but the tap water was so nasty here. Instead he decided to get some of the filtered water from the fridge. As he entered the hallway outside his room he heard familiar sounds coming from his parent's room down the hall. They were having sex again. He hadn't heard that in a long time. While he didn't relish the thought of his parents going at it, this at least meant his father was getting back to normal. He must not suspect anything about Matt. * * * * * * * * * * * Angie woke Matt up around 7:00 for dinner. The Davis family had a very quiet meal. Matt and Michael were still pissed at each other and the only thing that passed between them were deadly stares. They both had plenty they wanted to say to each other, but they knew better than to say it in front of their mother. The wrath of Sharon was not something you wanted to deal with if you didn't have to. After dinner, Matt and Angie watched some TV while Sharon read a book. Mike called to wish Matt luck with his first game tomorrow and they talked for a while. After he got off the phone, Matt kissed his mom good night and headed for bed. It was 9:30 and although Matt didn't know it, his angel was crawling into bed at the same time on the next street over. Matt lay in the dark bedroom running his hands over his torso as he pictured Jesse in his head. He saw his beautiful face, that cute little turned up nose, his long, dark hair. He worked his way down imagining Jesse's dark skin and even darker nipples, his flat stomach and what was below that. He could see Jesse's perfect five inches in his mind's eye and his mouth began to water. He could still remember vividly just how his lover tasted. The feel of that hard rod in his mouth and the salty sweet taste of his cum. Matt was getting harder and harder. He wanted to masturbate so badly, but was afraid his brother might come to bed. Matt rolled over onto his side and did his best to think about nothing. Slowly, his hard-on went down and he drifted off to sleep. * * * * * * * * * * * The next morning both boys got up and started getting ready for their first game. Mike picked up Matt at 11:30 and they were at the field in about five minutes. Matt looked around and saw that Jesse wasn't there yet. Matt did see his catcher, Dan, though. "Hey, Dan," he yelled, "Let's go ahead and get warmed up." "OK," Dan called back as he headed for his position behind the plate. Matt got up on the mound and started throwing some easy pitches. He didn't want to over work his arm. It was nearly noon and everyone was there, except Jesse. Matt started to worry. Had Jesse decided to quit because of their fight? Did his parents somehow find out what was going on? The coach called them into the dugout and as they all gathered around him, Matt saw Jesse's parents pulling in. He watched as Jesse came running over to the dugout. God, he was hot! Everyone greeted Jesse as he joined the team. He and Matt made eye contact for a moment, but then both glanced away. The coach went over who was starting what position and sent everyone out to the field. While the fielders warmed up throwing a ball around with each other, Matt and Dan went back to pitch and catch until the inning started. Matt settled in to throw some real pitches. As he wound up for the first one he heard Jesse call to one of their teammates. Distracted he let go early, so early Dan had to come out of his stance to grab the high pitch. Dan just gave Matt a funny look and tossed the ball back before crouching back down. Matt threw another fast ball, but over-corrected causing Dan to trap the ball in the dirt. Dan got up and walked to the mound. "You OK buddy?" "I'm fine. Just give me the ball," Matt replied. Dan put the ball in Matt's outstretched glove and went back to the plate. Matt threw the next one right down the middle, although it didn't have much on it. The umpire called for play to start and the first batter stepped to the plate. Man, was this kid little for a teenager - all of 5 foot nothing. `Tight strike zone,' Matt thought as he glanced around to make sure his teammates were all in place. As he looked in the direction of shortstop, he noticed that Jesse was not looking back at him. He was instead watching the batter. Matt took a deep breath, trying to compose himself and concentrate on his pitching. He wound up and threw another of those high pitches. "Ball!" Dan asked for the fastball again and Matt delivered it, so low it bounced off the plate. "Ball two!" "Hey, Matt. Calm down, concentrate," came the coaches voice from the dugout. Matt shook off Dan's signal for the change-up and did it again when he called for a fastball. Matt wanted the curve, but no way Dan was giving him that when he couldn't control the normal pitches. Dan went back to the change-up signal and Matt relented. He took another deep breath and threw it in there. Better release, but thrown inside brushing the batter back from the plate. Dan went back to the fastball and Matt threw it right down the center. With a 3-0 count, the batter just watched it go by. "Steeerike!" `OK,' Matt thought, "now give me the curve.' Dan obliged, giving the curve sign and setting up for a low outside pitch. Matt threw a good ball, but it dove a little too far and sent the batter to first base. Matt went for another curve on the next pitch and it just hung over the middle of the plate. The batter hit a hard ground ball that should have found its way into the outfield, but Jesse made a diving grab. After a glance at second base, Jesse went to first with the ball and got the batter out. The first batter might be small, but he was fast. Matt again had control problems with the next batter and on a 3-1 pitch noticed the runner take off from second base as he went into his wind-up. He tried to throw it harder to get the pick at third but buried it in the dirt again, sending another batter to first and making the stolen base easy. Dan again walked out to the mound. "What's up with you, man?" "I'm fine," Matt protested. "Just having some control problems. I'll get it." "OK. This next guy looks like a bruiser. Don't give him anything easy." Dan handed Matt the ball and they tapped gloves. Dan got back into his crouch and Matt went for a fastball, low and inside. Instead it went right down the pike and without much on it. The batter sent it deep into centerfield. Jason chased it down and caught it at the fence. Any other part of the field and it would have been over the fence. Both runners advanced, putting a run on the board. The next batter chased a high pitch and sent an easy pop fly to second base ending the top half of the inning. The damage was minimal considering the pitching problems. Back in the dugout, Matt got a pep talk from the coach. Jesse wanted desperately to talk to Matt, but he was on deck as the second batter. Regardless, what could he say to him here? Matt spent the rest of the inning trying to calm down, not even watching his team bat. Jesse got a base hit, but no one else had any luck and the inning ended 1-0. Back on the mound, Matt walked another batter then had a hard hopper hit right back at him. He managed to knock it down, but couldn't make the play. The next batter ripped one into the left field corner for a double and two RBI's. Dan started for the mound again, but Matt gave him a hard stare that said get back to your position. He looked to the coach who signaled him to go back to the plate. Matt was a good player and he'd get to face at least one more batter. His next pitch, however, would be his last. He threw a wild pitch high and inside sending the batter to the ground in self-defense. Coach Rob called for time and went out to the mound. "I hate to do it Matt, but you're just off your game today." "Aw c'mon coach. I'll get it together," Matt protested. Rob put a hand on Matt's shoulder and looked him straight in the eye. "Normally, I would give you some more time. I know how good you are, but I'm afraid someone is going to get hurt. Plus if I pull you now, you can be back on the mound in two games." Matt relented, handing the ball over to the coach. He went into the dugout, tossed his glove in the corner, sat right next to it and pulled his hat down to hide his face. He just wanted to cry, but no way he was doing that here. The other kids in the dugout were silent, afraid to say anything. The coach called John out of the dugout to play right field so Corey could come in and pitch. After warming up, Corey got them out of the inning without any more runs. As the team came back to the dugout, Matt heard everyone telling him it was OK, but he didn't look up. Then he felt a hand on his forearm and heard that voice. The one that could make him feel completely content, horny as hell or tied up in knots inside. That was what it had done to him today. "Don't worry about it bud. It's OK." Matt lifted his head and looked into those deep blue eyes and knew immediately that while Jesse was talking about his pitching, that wasn't the only thing he was talking about. Matt watched the rest of the game as his spirits picked up a little. Jesse led off in the seventh inning with a double and they managed to tie up the game at 3-3, but the first batter in the last inning ripped one over the fence and the game ended 4-3. Matt felt bad that his poor performance had probably lost the game, but no one said anything to him that wasn't encouraging. As they were getting ready to leave after shaking hands with the other team, Jesse caught Matt away from everyone else. "Meet me in OUR spot" was all he said, then he went over to his parents. Matt took a deep breath and smiled just a little. He was sure that everything would be OK. That's where we'll stop for now. The next chapter is pretty well planned out in my head. Now all I need is the time to get it on paper, so to speak. A note to my regular readers: I lost my mailing list when excite changed ownership so if you want back on it or just on it, please drop me a line and let me know. Of course, as always, I love to hear what you think of the story - good AND bad. Bye, until next time.