It's a strange sight to see a grown man cry. It's a strange sight when it's someone you care about. I didn't think I could bring him to this. I didn't think anyone could bring him to this. Here I am looking back at what I'd just done.
And Jax is in tears. Jax is breaking down right in front of us. At first it starts off as a slow quiet sob and then I think he realizes that he's crying in front of everyone.
Then he's just breathing heavy attempting to stay strong. Attempting not to break down.
Greg shakes his
head, “Damn...what a fucking slut.”
“Yo shut the fuck up Greg,” Kaysha responds, “This has to be some sort of joke. Right. Mario tell them it's some sort of joke.”
I look over at Kaysha.
“I'm dead serious.”
Greg shakes his head at that moment and stares over at Jax, “I told you not trust him. Didn't I tell you that? Didn't I warn you?”
I could care less about what Greg is saying at this moment. Greg doesn't matter. Across the room is Jax. His heart has been broken. I've never seen him look like this before. All of a sudden he's breathing so heavy that he looks like he is going to have a mental break down.
Bambi reaches over
to him, “Jax...”
“Don't touch me!” Jax screams out at that moment, “Filthy. I mean...too many germs. There are way too many germs around here! I have to go back to my room. It's disgusting in here.”
Pia laughs at that
moment, “Gay and you have OCD...wow. You're all kinds of
fucked up aren't you?”
Jax doesn't stick around to defend himself. He starts walking away. I can see his eyes are blood shot red. He leaves carefully but quickly trying not to touch anything or anyone.
I don't get it. I mean I know that I hurt him but all of a sudden his OCD just went into hyper drive. Not too long ago he was laying on the floor with me saying that he was getting over it.
Greg looks over at
me, “How the FUCK could you do this to my best friend?”
“You fake ass motherfucker don't sit here and pretend like you didn't know----”
Before I can get it out Greg charges at me. It's clear what he's trying to do! He's trying to hide the fact that he was the one who brought me over to Pia! Greg manages to get to me. I'm not expecting it! He sneaks a quick punch straight to my eye. The blow pops me dead in my eye and I find myself falling backwards off the railing. I'm shocked by it at that moment.
Chaos completely breaks through at that moment as I hear Dre say something to Greg. At first I'm not sure what he's saying but when I attempt to get up I hear it.
“Motherfucker---you want to hit my man!”
His man? Dre was claiming me in public?
I am shocked by this. I'm even more shocked when Dre is fighting Greg. I mean Dre has always been somewhat of a fighter but it's clear that there is something about me that makes him go to blows so quickly. He's sitting there rolling around the floor fighting with Greg. The two are pummeling each other on the floor as people try to break them up. Everything is being thrown everywhere.
I'm even more surprised that Dre is actually winning this fight. He's beating THE living SHIT out of Greg.
As if that wasn't enough a SECOND fight breaks out.
This one is Pia and
Bambi of course.
I watch as Bambi comes out of no where and grabs Pia's hair, “BITCH THIS IS YOU! THIS IS ALL YOU!”
Bambi is so right and a part of me is actually excited when Bambi grabs Pia's hair. Pia doesn't hold down for long. Within a second she spins her hair around and attempts to scratch at Bambi. The two girls begin scratching and pulling each other's hair. They trip over their long dresses and both end up on the floor. I watch as Kaysha, Chyna and a couple other girls frantically try to break them up.
Nothing works. Nothing works right.
“Does it look
Dre and I are back
in my dorm. I'm looking at my eye. Yeah...Greg's little sneak
punch gave me a black eye. It was so crowded in the VIP section
once Greg and Dre started fighting that I couldn't even get back to
him. The night was an explosive night. It took about 10 staff
members to pull Dre off of Greg.
“It's pretty bad. I'm not going to lie,” Dre responds at that moment, “Do you see my knuckles though man...”
Dre is being brazen. I can tell he probably thinks he's tough because he whooped Greg so bad. I honestly thought that Greg would have put up more of a fight like Jax did when Dre fought Jax. I was actually kind of scared for Dre when I saw him get at Greg. One thing was clear though...Greg's image was just an image. Dre wiped the goddam floor with him. Greg definitely was NO Jax.
Dre has his shirt off now. I can almost swear that he's flexing a little bit. When Jax tossed him he seemed to humble himself a little bit but right now Dre's head was huge.
“You'll live,” I state.
“So will you,” he responds getting up at that moment and walking towards me, “I mean the black eye is kind of sexy. It gives you character.”
I can't help but to laugh through my pain at this moment.
“Can you stop?”
Dre grabs me and turns me around, “I'm serious. Do you realize that you just brought both of us out of the closet? Daniella didn't come to the party but she's going to hear about this...”
“I'm sorry I'm not really worried about Daniella right now. Fuck that bitch. I just broke someone's heart...” I stated.
Jax. I can't stop thinking about him.
“Did you lie?”
“What?” I ask.
Dre shrugs at that moment, “Did you lie? I mean is there any part of you that loves me?”
“Dre, c`mon are you serious?” I ask, “You treat me like shit for years and force me into the closet. Now you're asking me if I really love you? You do understand that Pia came up with an agreement right? She wanted me to break Jax's heart. In return Jae Jae's investigation stops and you get the opportunity to work off your ticket with labor around the space station.”
“And I thank
you. I'm grateful even if I am Captain Laperla's new spanish
indentured servant,” Dre responds, “But with all due
respect...you didn't answer my question.”
“Is there any part of you that loves me. Yes or no?”
I sigh at that moment.
“Maybe. Yes. I don't know...” I reply biting my lip.
Dre smiles at that moment, “You bite your lip when you don't want to tell the whole truth.”
“Are you reading me right now?”
Dre laughs a little bit. He runs his hair through his blowout, “No one knows you as much as I do kid. You know that right? That dude Jax he doesn't know you like I do. He can't make you happy like I do.”
“What I told you today was ALL of Pia's doing...you do know that...”
“That doesn't mean a part of it isn't true,” Dre explains, “What you did today sacrificing yourself for me and Jae Jae makes me realize just what type of person you are. You're an angel. And right now I'm like fuck that DL shit. If what you wanted was me to be out of the closet with you then I'm willing to give that to you now. I'm willing to be your man...”
Dre pulls at me.
Jax was willing to do that for me?”
“Sometimes it takes almost losing something to realize what you have,” Dre explains to me.
Dre is not the sweet talker. He's never been. Jax was. He must have had some real time behind bars to think about what he was saying. The scary part of it all was a part of me wanted to believe Dre. A part of me was melting right now as his tan skin pressed up against my dark skin. Dre removes my shirt pulling it over my head.
He begins kissing me. He kisses at my black eye. He kisses on my cheek. He kisses my lips. He makes his way down my neck. He begins sucking on my neck and playing with my nipples with both hands.
“Dre stop...” I say, “Now isn't the time...
“Now is the only time,” he assures me.
He kisses my nipples now bending over slightly. He continues sucking my nipples. I let out a deep sigh as I lean up against the wall. Dre continues to get lower and lower. I attempt to push away from Dre but he isn't having it. He makes his way to my belt buckle and loosens it. My dick pops out of my fly at that moment.
My dick betrays me. I'm hard. I'm hard as a rock.
Dre breaths on my dick for a second. He takes my dick into his mouth. He begins to suck me down. He plays with the head slightly. I have such a sensitive head and Dre knows that. He knows my body as much as he knows his own. His tongue slowly tickles my dick hole. He rolls circles with his tongue around my head. Soon he begins to deep throat me. Wet sticky saliva lubes up my dick completely. When he pulls back a string of spit follows him. He slurps at the saliva and returns down onto my dick taking it in all over again.
Over and over again. He begins to suck my dick.
“Stop Dre...” I tell him.
I'm not stopping him though. I'm saying the words but I'm not stopping him.
“I know you're upset but I can make you feel so much better... so much better,” Dre assures me.
He continues to give me head. His deep throat engulfs my head over and over again. I can feel his finger slowly sneaking up behind me. He is fingering me in no time as he sucks me off. He's letting his finger slide deep inside of me. In and out. In and out. I begin to moan. I struggle to find something to hold onto. The only thing I manage to grab is Dre's blowout. I'm holding onto his hair for dear life.
My body continues to betray me as I begin to quake under his warm wet mouth. My toes curl. I can feel the nut coming out of me.
“I'm about to---I'm about to---” I warn him.
Dre could care less.
He continues to suck my dick and in the next moments I'm shooting my load into his throat. My cum hits the back of Dre's throat and for a minute I swear Dre is going to spit it out like he usually does. Today is different though. None of the nut comes back out.
Dre swallows me completely and then looks back up at me. His eyes are full of passion.
I wake up to no one. Dre leaves a note telling me how cute I looked sleeping and that he had to start working early for the LaPerla's. Its odd to realize that Dre is now a part of the staff and no longer a student. To be honest I don't think Dre seems to mind though either way. It's better then being charged and going to jail.
I stay in my room for most of the day until I get the dreaded knock on the door. I struggle to go to the door but when I do get to the door I see my friends. Kaysha and Jae Jae standing there. The looks on their faces says it all.
Jae...where you been buddy?”
“Around,” Jae Jae responds, “Was just a little depressed you know? Good news though...with the charges being dropped against Dre word around is that they aren't looking for who helped him anymore. I'm off the hook.”
“I'm happy for you man,” I respond.
I reach over to give Jae Jae a tap but Kaysha interrupts me rudely.
“Let's cut the bullshit...how could you?” Kaysha says pushing past me and walking through the room.
Jae Jae looks over
at Kaysha, “Kay Kay, you promised we were going to go easy on
“Kay Kay?” I ask at that moment.
“Don't change the subject,” Kaysha responds, “How could you do that to Jax? That dude cares about you...deeply.”
Kaysha's reaction is saying it all. She clearly wanted me to be with Jax. She clearly wanted me with Jax.
“I know Jax
was a good look for our reputations...”
“Don't give me that bullshit,” Kaysha responds almost instantly, “You know it was real. I know it was real too. That boy cared about you Mario.”
“Kaysha's right. It wasn't hard to see,” Jae Jae responds, “I wasn't going to tell you this but one time he came to the room looking for you. I think you were off with Bambi or something. We spent our just talking about you. Literally hours. He made me promise not to tell you...””
“You should have kept your promise,” I respond, “I really don't need to hear that right now Jae Jae.”
“No yes you do,” Kaysha responds, “Jae Jae nad I talked. We love Jax. We are team Jax. This thing with Dre...what the hell is that about? Jax is the person you should be with.”
“I have to agree man,” Jae Jae seconds her, “I liked the guy...”
“He was a sweetheart,” Kaysha responds.
I can't take this shit.
“Look guys it's complicated. Can you guys please just drop it?”
“Complicated. What's so complicated when the man you were obsessing over finally agrees to be with you?”
“This coming from the girl who can't admit to being in love with her friend?” I ask.
I don't mean for it to come out that way. Shit.
I look over at Kaysha. Kaysha looks over at Jae Jae. I mean it has to be pretty fucking clear at this point. I don't mean to just spill it in the way that I do.
what? Do your thing. I'll stay out of your business,” Kaysha
responds getting up at that moment, “Don't expect me not to be
friends with Jax though.”
Kaysha gets up at that moment and she walks out of the room. I call out after her. I was a dickhead for bringing up her relationship with Jae Jae. It's clear they weren't ready to make that step. Kaysha always kept my secrets. I should have respected hers.
Jae Jae just looks
at me, “She'll get over it. She's just concerned. We both
“Why did you do it?” Jae Jae asks me, “You know you can tell me right? I know you and Dre are best friends or whatever but fuck that. We spend hours talking too. I feel like I'm up there as far as your friends go.”
“You are...it's just...”
“Just what? Tell me. Whatever it is. Why did you hurt Jax the way you did?” Jae Jae asks me.
I think about it. I can't tell Jae Jae. Pia's rules were if I told anyone about her plans it would make the deal invalid. Jae Jae and Dre would go straight to jail...no passing go.
“Sometimes you just have to put your feelings aside and do what's best,” I tell Jae Jae.
I had to sacrifice my love life for the life of my two friends.
He nods, “I don't get it. I'll talk to Kaysha. I know she won't get it either but either way we are your friends man. We are here to support you no matter what decision you make.”
I smile. My smile is so weak and fragile it barely leaves stretches across my face.
“I'm ok. I
But deep inside I wasn't ok. Deep inside I hated myself.
The lunch room is the most awkward thing in the fucking world come Monday. People should be excited about Mars but everyone is whispering about what happened at the Mars ball.
I see him in the corner of my eye. He's not looking up at me. Jax is sitting next to Bambi, Chyna and Greg at the popular table. Kaysha and Jae Jae are at the table with me. Kaysha is barely speaking to me but the fact that she hasn't abandoned me to sit myself lets me know she still at least cares about me to some point.
Pia is still sitting alone but as she sits alone I've never seen her look so happy.
“Is everyone staring at me?” I ask.
I'm looking across the cafeteria. The drama is clearly what everyone has on their mind.
everyday a bunch of nerds see a gay love triangle,” Jae Jae
responds, “Keep your head up buddy. It's going to be
“You can easily fix this...” Kaysha butts in.
Kaysha signals towards Jax. I look over at Jax. He's just sitting there. He's looking over at me. Our eyes connect for a minute. I think Greg is trying to talk to him. At first I'm not sure but when Greg touches his arm a little bit I can tell that it is clear Greg is trying to get his attention. Jax reluctantly looks away from me...only to look back towards me in two minutes.
“Kaysha...” Jae Jae urges her.
“Ok. I was just saying. Maybe it can be fixed. You know. Everything's possible.”
“How's my little sexy?”
Dre approaches fast. He walks up to the table and joins us sitting down. Kaysha doesn't hide her emotions when she quickly rolls her eyes as soon as Dre sits at the table. Dre puts his hand over me. He doesn't only put his hand over me. My eyes struggle to look over at Jax. Jax is watching us. Jax isn't even hiding it at this moment. He's just staring. All the members of the Dollhouse are staring actually.
“You came out of the closet fast and in a hurry didn't you?” Kaysha asks Dre.
Dre shoots her an
eye, “Is there an issue?”
“No issue,” Jae Jae interrupts, “Kaysha and I are just a little concerned. You know. We just don't want our friend getting hurt.”
Dre sighs a little bit at that moment, clearly annoyed, “Look. Jae Jae, he's my friend before he was any of your friends. I'm not going to hurt Mario. I already told Danielle.”
I'm confused, “Wait told Danielle what?”
“That I'm in love with you and we are working on a relationship.”
“Dre...I didn't say anything about a relationship just yet...” I respond quickly.
At that moment Dre leans over across the table. I'm shocked that DRE of all people is showing PDA. What happens next blows my mind!
Dre is tonguing me down in the middle of the cafeteria in front of everyone. I almost lose my breath. I am not expecting it. Once upon a time this was all that I wanted. Once upon a time Dre was all that I ever wanted.
That wasn't entirely the case any longer. I had feelings for Dre but after he kisses me I can't help but to turn and see if Jax saw.
And he did. Before I know it Jax is storming out of the cafeteria with Greg chasing right behind him.
It's Bambi who gets up and makes her way up to my table as soon as Jax leaves.
“Really?” Bambi states, “Really motherfuckers?”
“Bambi listen...” I start off.
“No fuck that,” Bambi responds to me, “I went out of my way to make sure you found the happiness that you wanted and this is how you repay me?”
“First off don't go there. You wanted me with Jax for your own reasons.”
“But you wanted that,” Bambi responds looking over at Dre, “You made Jax come out of the closet for you. For what? Just so you can hang him out to dry?”
It wasn't my idea. I want to tell her it was all Pia. Pia wanted to embarrass Jax. Pia wanted make Jax pay for breaking up for her in the way he did. I never wanted Jax to get hurt. I just wanted to help my friends.
What's worse is that my friends aren't even defending me? Jae Jae is staying quiet and Kaysha is damn near nodding in agreement to what Pia is saying.
I resort to the same
thing I said before, “It's complicated.”
simple. I can't believe you would choose this piece of trash over
Dre is about to get up and say something to Bambi but I pull him down.
“Ok Bambi. Don't get disrespectful,” I respond, sticking up for Dre, “It's not about people's reputation. You are just going to have to respect my decision.
“It's all about reputation. But trust me...I'll get what I want,” Bambi responds.
Bambi storms off
again. I don't know what the fuck she means but it seems like a
threat more than anything. What the fuck was Bambi talking about
though? What exactly did Bambi actually want in all of this? What
was Bambi's end game and why the fuck was she so upset that Jax and I
didn't end up together?
I let the thoughts roll out of my head. There was one thing that was for sure. I needed closure from this situation.
I had to go talk to Jax.
I know Pia would be pissed if she found out I was going to talk to Jax but I had to take the risk. I had to take the risk of giving him some sort of closure even if it wasn't part of the deal. I was just supposed to go cold ghost on Jax but I couldn't just leave him hanging like that. I had to at least talk to him. So here I am knocking on the suite door.
And it's almost irritating when Greg opens the door.
Greg smiles, “Look who it is.”
“I need to talk to Jax.”
“Why so you can run your mouth?” Greg asks, “Is that what you're supposed to be doing?”
Where was he getting at?
“You know about Pia's deal don't you?” I ask.
Greg shrugs, “Deal?
What deal? I don't know what you mean.”
He's lying. He's lying straight to my fucking face but I had no proof of it.
“You're full of shit Greg,” I respond.
“I can go find out about the deal if you like? I can just go ask Pia. I'll just tell her you came to visit Jax...see how she feels about it.”
“Relax. I'm not going to break the deal...I just need closure.”
Before he gets the chance to answer I see someone standing behind him. It's Jax. He doesn't seem to have heard what Greg and I were talking about. He seems surprised to see me...but he's not completley upset. What's worse is that he looks fucking sexy as fuck. Jax has on a wife beater that hugs onto his muscles. His nipples are poking out through the white linen. He has on some sweatpants that have a huge imprint around his crotch area. Sexy ass Jax looks over at me. His eyes stick onto mine and mine stick onto his.
“Greg can you give me and Mario a minute?” Jax asks.
Greg looks over at Jax and hesitates, “Jax don't put yourself in this situation.”
“I need a fuckin` minute Greg,” Jax states.
Greg seems upset. He storms past me and walks out of the room leaving Jax and I alone.
standing there with Jax. Jax doesn't look at me. I see him wander
towards the other side of the room. He stands there silently looking
out at the stars in the room.
Fuck...this man is the most beautiful man to me. The stars reflect on his light mocha skin. His skin reminds me of dark sand on a isolated beach. It's so smooth as though water just washed over it. I am so in love with this fucking man and every second I'm around him I'm falling deeper and deeper into love with him.
needed to talk to you...I needed to say---”
Jax cuts me off completely, “You know I thought it was a dream. When you and I made love. It seemed like all that fate bullshit Peter spews really made sense. I felt like what's the chances I see this dude in LA...I make this connection with him in outer space and I start feeling something that I've never felt. You know what I mean?”
“Just tell me you know what I mean man.”
He's aggressive. I understand why he's upset.
“Yeah I get
what you mean.”
“I thought it was a dream. You know. I thought it was written in the stars. That's the best way to describe how I felt. Written in the stars. But it wasn't a dream. It was a nightmare. Wasn't it...”
I shake my head.
I had a whole speech prepared for this moment but at right now I'm speechless. All I can do is open my mouth and barely whisper, “I'm sorry.”
“Don't be sorry,” Jax tells me, “I want you to wake me up out of my nightmare. Tell me you and this Dre dude are done. Tell me you are reading our stories when you look out into space the same way that I am.”
“Wake me up! Tell me that you and I are really written in the stars...”
I shake my head, “I came to say I'm sorry. Maybe we can one day be friends after...”
He laughs at that moment. It's not laughing like something is funny. He's laughing because he's upset and nervous and broken. Jax's breathing is so heavy. I can't believe I'm doing this to him. I can't believe I'm hurting him like this but I have to do it.
“I don't want
to be friends with you,” Jax responds immediately, “I
love you. Yeah. I said it. I know it sounds corny and stupid but I
thought you loved me too. What is that? Are you crying? Jesus
Christ. Trying to confuse me more or some shit? As if you haven't
fucked me over enough?”
I am crying. What the fuck? I'm shaking. I'm tearing up.
“Jax. How I
felt was real.”
“Then why not tell me ok it's too soon for love? Why not tell me let's take it slow? Why not even tell me lets stay in the closet for a little bit longer? Why tell me you are in love with someone else? Why tell play me like that?” Jax asks, “I just don't fucking get it man...”
“It wasn't too soon for love.”
Jax stares at me.
“See now you're just playing with me,” Jax responds, “I never felt like this before. Hell maybe this is karma's way of telling me that I shouldn't have broken as many hearts as I did. Now I know how it feels like to have mine broken.”
“And you think my heart is fine?” I ask.
Jax shrugs, “Man
I don't give a fuck what your heart feels like. That's Dre's
problem. Isn't it?”
“Jax ---stop being like that.”
“No. I won't. I won't stop being like this,” Jax responds, “I'm going to be cold to you. I'm not going to speak to you and if I'm not going to think about you. You don't exist to me anymore. Get the fuck out of my life and don't ever come back Mario Kane. You hear me? I mean it. You fuckin' wolf. You fuckin' wolf in sheep's motherfucking clothing. Don't ever come back in my life...”
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chapter in advance go to www.crushedcrown.com