Chapter 19

“It was suicide.”

The tears are falling down so heavily. I woke up this side of the space station screaming. Everyone is afraid. It's the first person to die on the space station and Mia LaPerla is sitting here telling me that it is a suicide. Suicide? Really?

“He wanted to meet me,” I explain to Captain LaPerla.

The captain shakes her head, “I understand your side of the story but the doctors are saying that it's a suicide.”

“Have them check again.”


“They aren't coroners! Have them FUCKING check again. Peter wouldn't have just killed himself,” I explain to him.

Something was off. It was making me sick to my stomach that Captain LaPerla was just ignoring what I was saying. I saw the body of Peter. He was white...almost like a ghost. It was almost as though something strange had really happened to him and I couldn't put my finger on it.

Mia LaPerla patronizes me. She looks down at me and her voice softens in the most annoying way, “I understand your upset. I know that it's probably been a long day for you. I know that you and Peter were extremely close. However people have handling the fact that we are lost in Space in different ways. Our team is working on trying to find out how we go to this corner of the universe. People are really beginning to understand that we may never get home. Suicide is not that strange of a concept.”

“That's what you want people to think huh?”

I didn't trust her. I didn't trust anyone.

“Mario, listen I understand you're upset but Peter killed himself. That is what it is whether you want to accept it or not,” she continues to patronize me with a demeaning smile, “Maybe you should spend time and worry about your own mental state and your own well being.”

“Is that a threat?”

I look at her. My eyes dart hard on Captain LaPerla. All the secrets she has been holding back. What did she know?

What did Peter know?

Why was he dead?

“You should get some rest. I've notified your friends of what happened and they are in the waiting room here to make sure you are ok,” Mia states.

She gets up at that moment. Her confidence is the same as her daughter's. Both of them make me sick.

Before she leaves she turns and adds, “I'm not your enemy son.”

“And I'm not your son,” I respond to her.

She smiles weakly and exits out of the room. I sit there for a second collecting my thoughts and trying to make these tears stop. It's so fucking hard. They keep coming.

The last thing that Peter whispered into my ear comes back with a vengeance.

Then it didn't make sense but now it made all the sense.

He whispered to me: Don't trust anyone.

“Damn are you ok?” Jax states.

I don't expect for him to be the first person I see when I walk out of the private room Captain LaPerla had me in. Dre is there sitting on a bench. I also see Jae Jae, Bambi, Chyna, Greg and even Kaysha. I guess she notified anyone who she ever saw me around. My attention is down the hallway where I see the Captain walking away with her doctors. She's so confident...she's so fucking smug. I can't take that bitch at this moment.

“Yo fall the fuck back,” Dre states.

I'm surprised when I see Dre stand up. Then I realize why he's standing up. Jax is in front of me. He's standing dead in front of me. His hand is pressing up close to me in a way that makes me shiver. His sexy full lips are like soup coolers puckering towards mine. Jax's lips are so fucking kissable that as he leans forward a little bit I'm sure that he is planning on kissing me maybe as an attempt to comfort me.

Jax rolls his eyes and ignores Dre, “Are you ok Mario? I know you and Peter was close. I didn't expect this to happen. That's the last thing I expected to happen.”

He's damn close. His breath is pressed up against my face. I have to admit that Jax being so close comforts me.

“They are saying that he committed suicide...” I explain to him.

The others are quiet. Even Bambi is quiet at that moment. She looks down. Jae Jae is comforting Kaysha. I think even the people who didn't know Peter are a little scared. This shit is getting serious. Someone is dead. This wasn't a joke anymore. Things were getting real on this fucking space station and everyone noticed that.

Maybe that's why I am getting emotional at that moment. Maybe that's why the tears are slowly forming all over again.

Damn Mario---get your shit together!

“Let it out,” Jax tells me almost as though he's reading my mind.

I'm sick at how it's almost like he sees through me. I'm trying to hold back and remain cool but the emotion is bubbling the fuck up at that moment.

“He didn't kill his self! They are lying. There is a motherfucking cover-up going on and I want to know what the fuck happened to Peter!”

I'm screaming loud as fuck. I feel strong I feel powerful and then all of a sudden I break down. I break down with tears remembering all the times I felt like I had lost out on Jax and Peter was the one there comforting me. He'd pull me in his room and he's just let me talk to him. He'd understand. He never judged me for being gay.

For Peter love was love. Peter understood love in a way that I'd never seen before.

And now Peter was the one who was dead.

“I got you,” Jax tells me, “I'm here...”

For a moment I think it's all that I need to hear. Jax doesn't give a fuck whose around either. He doesn't give a fuck that the soon-to-be baby mother is there or that his DL ex is there. Jax only cares about me right now. He leans forward and he pulls me close. He holds me there. He hugs me. He presses his face against my face.

I feel the warm stubble of his facial hair. His goatee scratches my face softly.

“Jax why don't you let him talk to his man?” Greg interrupts us, “Don't you think you out of place bruh?”

I don't know for sure if Greg is meaning to do it but he seems to straight up ignite Dre. If Dre wasn't annoyed with how much attention Jax was giving me before he definitely seems annoyed right now.

“Motherfucka---I said fall back didn't I?” Dre is saying.

“Dre...” I start off, “Stop...”

My voice is weak. I mean I don't want to deal with drama right now. Greg clearly has his own motivations and he clearly is just attempting to start shit. I can see it a mile away. And Dre is falling right into that trap.

“Why the fuck is this kid hugging you?” Dre asks at that moment.

“Is this the time?” Bambi asks him.

“Bitch mind your business for once,” Dre goes off on Bambi, “I'm sick and tired of this shit. I'm his motherfuckin' boyfriend so this dude needs to get the fuck off him.”

“Well he stopped crying in my arms I must be doing something right,” Jax replies.

“Your that desperate to try to steal someone's man. What are you boy? Straight? Gay? You so in love with a dude but getting one of his best friend's pregnant. You ain't nothing but a smooth criminal just out here trying to get your cake and eat it too. Not on my watch baby boy.”

Dre must have hit a nerve. Maybe him bringing up Kaysha and the whole pregnancy hit a nerve. I notice Jae Jae standing up at that moment. He's clearly there to break them up.

“Man who the FUCK are you talking to?” Jax asks.

“Ok boys this isn't the time,” Jae Jae basically mimics Bambi, “Someone close to Mario just died. If either of ya'll cared about him you would stop this bullshit here---”

I don't know who approaches who first. My eyes are filled with tears but at some point Jax and Dre are damn near chest to chest. They are completely ignoring what Jae Jae and Bambi are saying. A little bit of chaos breaks ut with Bambi, Chyna and Kaysha screaming at the boys to calm down from behind. Jae Jae is the only one in between them attempting to break them up. Then there is Greg who no doubt is proud of his handwork for starting a little bit of drama. I have no doubt he's smirking as he isn't even attempting to tear them apart from each other.

“Yo admit the shit. He's clearly still trying to get with Mario!” Greg replies.

Jax laughs in Greg's face, “I never said I wasn't...”

Dre shakes his head, “You a fuckin' man stealer. He thinks he can get with anyone's lover. First he came after Kaysha now he's coming after Jax...hugging him all close and shit man. What the fuck! Bitch! Not on my fucking time!”

“I can't steal your man if he didn't want to be stolen.”

Dre is looking over at me questioning.

Jax looks like he's moments away from hitting Dre.

Jae Jae is attempting to break it up.

The girls are screaming.

Greg is laughing.

All this chaos just causes me to fucking snap. I don't know what causes it but I just go the fuck off and raise my voice.

“I don't give a flying FUCK bout your petty ass soap opera BULLSHIT!” I start going off, “My fucking friend just died...dumbasses! Someone killed him. I don't give a fuck what no doctor has to say about it. He died because he knew something. He figured out why the fuck we are lost in space and why the fuck we are all going to suffocate out here once we run out of the oxygen supplies. So do I give a fuck about this romance shit. FUCK NO! I got other shit to worry about.”

They aren't used to me going off like that. Jax has done it. Jae Jae has done it. Dre has gone off before too. I was the one who didn't go off though. I always use my mind. I never used my emotion. All that shit was out of the window now.

Things were so different. Things were so wrong.

I avoid being around everyone for the next couple of days. I spend my time locked in my room. The only person I allow to come around me is Jae Jae. He brings me food. He cleans my sheets and takes my clothes to get washed.

He brings me messages from both Dre and Jax. They are apologies about what happened after Peter died. I feel like both of them are sincere about it. Both of them have reasons to be. Personally though right now I'm not in the mood for any of that shit.

“He really wants to see you,” Jae Jae tells me one day.

I don't even ask who “he” is. He could be talking about Jax or Jae Jae for all I'm concerned. I can't worry about that right now.

“Jae Jae I can't talk about a relationship right now. Don't you get it? We are about to die in space...” I explain to him.

“So what you going to do? You going to lock yourself in your room?”

“Jae Jae---”

“No,” Jae Jae responds, “How about commit suicide like Peter? You just going to die of depression?”

“Peter DIDN'T commit suicide.”

Jae Jae shrugs a little bit, “Then how did he die? Who would kill him?”

“What if someone on this ship...wanted to do us harm?” I explain.

Jae Jae looks over at me.

“Boy...fuck are you talking about?”

“What if none of this was an accident Jae Jae?” I ask him, “What if someone on this ship did this to us? Maybe Captain LaPerla...”

Jae Jae raises an eyebrow.

“You found my drug supply haven't you? You need to keep away from that stuff,” Jae Jae responds, “It's not for everybody.”

He is dead serious as he is sitting here and thinking that I'm on drugs.

“Listen,” I say sitting up on the bed at that moment, “Jae Jae. I'm not on drugs. I promise you I'm not. It's just...yo...ok. I been sitting here for the past couple of days in the darkness and I came up with a hypothesis.”

“Hypothesis?” Jae Jae asks, “You such a fuckin' nerd. This isn't elementary school. You don't have to make volcanoes explode and do that scientific method shit. The STAFF is here to figure out where we are, why we got here and even what happened to Peter. Leave that to the professionals.”

“The Captain is HIDING shit!” I tell Jae Jae, “Didn't you say there was an explosion or something in the supply room before we were sucked into the worm hole?”

“So what? Maybe something malfunctioned because of the wormhole.”

“Or maybe the wormhole was caused by that explosion,” I argue.

Jae Jae looks at me, “That's your hypothesis?”

“'s the only one I can think of at this moment,” I explain to Jae Jae, “Don't roll your eyes. Jae Jae! Don't roll your eyes man. I been thinking about this shit for days yo...”

Jae Jae sighs deeply, “Ok. So there an explosion. You're smart man. Too smart to think an explosion on a space station has anything to do with a fuckin' wormhole. I failed astronomy and I can put that together.”

“What if it was exotic matter?”

“Fuck is that?” Jae Jae asks.

“It is a hypothetical concept of matter that violates the laws of physics. It is used in speculative theories, such as on the construction of wormholes...”

Jae Jae stares at me blankly, “Da Fuh---”

I have to simplify it for him, “Exotic matter can create wormholes.”

“Oh. Why don't you just say that bruh...confusing me and shit. You know I smoke dope,” Jae Jae responds.

“Jae Jae focus. What if there was exotic matter in the supply room?”

“Where the fuck do you get exotic matter from?”

“It...doesn't exist...”

“So...we are talking about something that doesn't exist.”

I sigh a little bit, “That's the only thing.”

“So we are talking about imaginary shit?”

I sigh a little bit.

Exotic matter is impossible. We don't have the technology for it. It doesn't exist on Earth. It' impossible thing. Jae Jae is asking me the simplest questions and is making me sound all of a sudden so dumb. My hypothesis is going to shit right before my eyes.

“Yeah...imaginary,” I tell him.

Jae Jae sighs and grunts a little bit after word as though closing the matter completely as nonsense.

“Ok...maybe you should do drugs. I got some exotic matter for you bruh. I call it---Cali Kush. It's right under my bed. It's the last of my batch and I was saving it until we run out of oxygen or fuel on the space station...but this is a good time as ever to spark up...”

Jae Jae proceeds to his bed to start rolling up a blunt. I shake my head.

“Man nevermind.”

I don't see what the point of even talking to Jae Jae is. He doesn't understand me. He thinks I'm talking a bunch of bullshit. Maybe he thinks I'm crazy.

I start walking out.

Jae Jae calls up after me, “Where the hell you going man? Mario---Mario! trying to say you don't want to hit this? MARIO!”

I wander around the school trying to clear up my head and get my thoughts together. I've been thinking about this. Jae Jae probably thinks I'm fucking crazy. He probably thinks I've lost and it sitting here talking about Exotic matter. Hell another word for exotic matter was imaginary mass. The word imaginary was right in the fucking title. And I'm sitting here thinking this shit is real.

I might have been losing it.

I wander around for so long and find myself in the bathroom on the first floor. I don't know what I'm doing. I'm hiding. I'm crying.

And an embarrassment goes over me. The door of the bathroom opens and I immediately sit completely quiet because I'm embarrassed that I've been sitting here crying like a fucking kid.

Just at that moment I hear a voice.

“Pia wants us to go insert some cameras in his room, whether you like it or not,” a voice says.

I don't recognize the voice but all of a sudden I'm listening confused that the person is talking about Pia.

“Hold up...let me make sure no one is in here...” another voice says.

This voice I do recognize.


What the fuck is Dre doing talking to this guy?

Dre must be peering under the stalls to make sure he doesn't see any feet. I don't know what causes me to do this but I kick up my feet. What the fuck is Dre talking to this boy about? What the fuck is he going in about?

I stay completely still making sure that Dre doesn't hear me.

“It's clear,” Dre tells the other boy.

I look through the small hole in the bathroom. I've seen the boy before. He's one of Pia's little hall monitors. A student that works under her. Ever since Pia became class President she's been working with these kids. I knew Dre was one of them but I assumed he would quit after Jax told him he could.

Why was Dre still working for Pia and talking to Pia's people?

“We need to install the cameras tomorrow...”

“Why can't the staff do it? If the LaPerla's want to spy on him so bad why can't they just fucking do it?”

I'm struggling. Who the fuck did the LaPerla's want to spy on?

“You know students are really suspicious of the staff after they shooting last year. It'll just be easier if you did it Dre,” the boy tells him.

“Tell Pia to get someone else.”

“She says it has to be you. She trusts you...”

Pia trusts Dre?

Dre looks annoyed. “Listen to me closely. Jax wants to fuck my boyfriend. I don't think I am the one who should be sneaking spy equipment into his fucking apartment.”

I put my hand around my mouth to keep from gasping. Pia was trying to spy on Jax!

“It has to be done...maybe you can sneak it in his room when he's not around.”

“He's dangerous,” Dre tells the boy.

“Clearly. That's why we have to do it.”

“The LaPerlas should just kill him now. What are they waiting on?”

“They are waiting to see what he's up to.”

“The longer we wait the worst things will get. He needs to die...he needs to die NOW!”

Dre is so passionate about it. My heart is beating so heavy that I swear that they'll discover me.

“Dre...once we get what we need from him, I promise you Pia is going to take him out. The LaPerlas have a bullet with his name waiting on it.”

“Fine. I'll do it. I'll go put the cameras up now. He's in the gym. I can crack through his door no problem. I learned a thing or two in Compton.”

The two laugh at that moment and begin to talk a little lower. The whispers trail off and before I know it Dre and his little friend are out of the bathroom.

And my mind is fucking blown at that moment.

The LaPerlas want to kill Jax.

Knock! Knock! Knock!


It's later that night. I got to Jax's room. He answers the door with nothing but a towel around his waist. I have to admit I almost lose my train of thought seeing him there. Jax has some thick sexy nipples that are fully erect. He answers the door with a full white smile and smells so clean. There is steam coming from inside of the apartment. It's clear he hoped out of the shower to see me.

He looks down at me at the door dripping wet. His wet body is so...perfect. I can't deny it. Fuck he's sexy as hell.

“I wasn't expecting you,” he laughs, “I just got out of the shower. I was at the gym with Greg...”

“Is Greg here?” I ask him.

Jax shakes his head, “Naw...he is out with Chyna? Don't ask. He said something about relieving some stress. Whatever...”

“Good I wanted to talk to you alone.”

“Oh hold that thought. Let me go dry off and we can sit down and have a talk. I wanted to talk to you as well man.”

Jax disappears at that moment. He leaves and goes into the bathroom.

I am looking around the apartment trying to see if I see any cameras. Did Dre install them already? Why the fuck were the LaPerlas spying on Jax. What the fuck could Jax possibly be capable of? I didn't understand it at that moment but I realized I was looking around.

I can hear Jax's voice from the bathroom.

“So I wanted to tell you I was sorry about the other day.”

“It's ok. I was just emotional,” I explain from the next room loud enough so that he can hear.

“I was trying to be there for you,” Jax explains, “That dude Dre...he just pushes my buttons man! I know you don't want to hear this but I don't trust him!”

“You're not the only one...”

“What was that?” Jax screams out...

“Nothing...can you hurry up Jax. I have to talk to you about something really important.”

I'm looking in the corner of the living room at that moment.

“I have to talk to you about something important too...” Jax states.

Jax is standing behind me. I turn slightly but before I can turn too much I realize that Jax is NAKED. He's butt naked. He's still dripping wet. His body presses up against my body. His naked wet body begins to soak my clothes without giving a slight fuck.

I look at his knees and see the towel he had tied around his waist, sunk around his ankles. His manhood is getting harder and harder as he holds me from the back.

“Jax this is important,” I tell him, “It can't wait.”

“I know...”

“Wait what are you talking about?”

“You need to leave him,” Jax explains.

Fuck. I should have known. Jax is holding me tight at that moment. He keeps me close. His warm body presses up against me.

“Jax...” I start off but immediately feel his soft lips pressing up against my neck, “Jax wait...stop...stap...stahhhppppp....oh fuck yes...”

I don't know how it happens but Jax has lowered my pants. He's standing up behind me. He has spread my ass cheeks and is now on his knees. He bites the smalls of my back slowly and makes his way lower and lower. His kisses get deeper and deeper.

His tongue is in my asshole before I know it. I moan in excitement. My world is turned around when I feel him begin licking at my asshole. He allows his wet tongue to penetrate me deeply until I feel my toes curling in my shoes. I am standing in the living room letting out a deep sigh of emotion.

“Jax we need to worry about bigger issues not besides this,” I explain to him.

“I can't promise you we will ever get back to Earth,” he explains to me, “Chances are we won't. But right now that doesn't matter to me.”

“Jax we need to FOCUS...”

Jax could care less about any bigger issue. Right now he just wants to be with me. Right now as he leans me up against the nearest wall and makes my back arch towards him so I'm pressed up against his abdomen, I feel an intense happiness.

I feel completion.

“I can't promise you we'll grow old together. I can't figure out the Earth with you...”

He thrusts in me. His huge dick causes my body to quake. His stroke isn't forceful. It isn't rushed. It's like he is calculating...sending his dick to the parts of me that he knows will have me leaving scratch marks on his wall.

“FUCKKK!” I'm moaning as he enters me raw. His deep shaft fills me up. His tongue runs around along my back.

“If you leave him...I'll do this for you...everyday...under the stars...” he explains to me, “And when we run out of oxygen...we'll kiss together. And both of our lasts breaths will be of one another. So tell me you'll leave him. Tell me you'll leave Dre...tomorrow.”

I couldn't say no to Jax.

“I will. Oh Gawd...I will...”

I'm panting as he pins me to the wall and long strokes me until I feel every curve and vein on his dick.

And when I attempt to breathe out of my mouth he covers his mouth with his and LITERALLY takes away my breath.

I wake up in the middle of the night. Jax is asleep beside me. His body pins mine as he sleeps over me. He keeps me warm in his arms even though we are completely naked. For a few seconds I outline his strong abdominal muscles with my finger. I run over his hard abs and watch as they raise and lower from his light breathing. This man looks so peaceful and I swear as I look at him that I'm falling in love with him every single time.

He's becoming my world.


Bigger than that.

He's becoming my universe.

And I had to have that discussion with Dre. I had to figure out a way to tell him. And maybe that's what is causing me to stay up late right. I'm sitting here wondering how I was going to break this news to Dre.

That is when I see the tiny red light flash in the distance.

It's in the upper right hand corner of the room. There are speakers there but I never saw a speaker with a tiny flashing right light on it. I didn't notice the tiny light when the lights were on but in the darkness I do notice it. I get up at that moment making sure not to bother Jax as he sleeps.

I take a chair and climb up on it. As I climb the chair...sure enough I pull out a camera.

What the fuck, Dre?


Just at that moment the light clicks on.

“Yo what the fuck are you doing man!” a voice says.

It's not Jax. It's Greg. Greg has turned on the light in the living room. He probably isn't talking about Jax who is startled and wakes up butt naked. He isn't even talking about the fact that I'm butt naked as well. Greg is talking about me holding the camera.

“Wait...I can explain,” I tell him.

Greg must realize what is happening. He looks over at Jax. Jax is standing in the living room looking awkward. The only thing covering up his dick are his two hands. He clenches at his dick with all his strength to hide it from being seen.

Greg shakes his head clearly bothered.

“You mind telling me what's going on here?” Greg asks Jax, “You guys fucking again?”

Jax looks awkward, “That's none of your business Greg. Weren't you supposed to be at Chyna's fucking her or something?”

Greg shakes his head, “Oh you're right. It's none of my business. So what about your little fuck buddy holding a camera.”

“He's not my fuck buddy. Stop being rude bro...” Jax explains.

That's when Jax actually does the cutest thing I think anyone ever did. He walks over to me and makes sure that he stands in front of me so that my naked body isn't as exposed as his. Even in this weird ass predicament with me holding a camera in his apartment he is still protecting me.

And this seems to enrage Greg even more once Jax takes all of the embarrassment onto himself by blocking Greg's view of my naked body.

Greg shakes his head, “FUCK! What's he doing putting up cameras?”

“I didn't put it up,” I explain.

“Then who did?” Greg asks, “You fuckin liar.”

“Yo watch your mouth Greg,” Jax defends me, “Don't play with me.”

“This dude is setting up cameras in your apartment like some obsessed boyfriend and you are cool with that? You going off on me? Really?” Greg asks.

Greg is pissed off. I can tell.

“I know what it looks like but it isn't me,” I explain, “It's Pia.”

I don't want to sell out Dre. Even though I know he has to have been the one to actually put it in here I don't want to sell him out. Me saying this definitely seems to get Jax and Greg's attention though. They both look at me with curious faces.

Greg raises an eyebrow, “What? That shit doesn't even make sense.”

“She's spying on Jax,” I explain.

“Good try,” Greg said rolling his eyes, “Pia is over Jax the day she found out he was gay. I know that for a fact. If she has done petty shit it's only out of hate for you. She could care less about Jax.”

“I don't think it's about romance. I think Captain LaPerla wants to keep an eye out for Jax. I think she's afraid of him...”

Greg gets quiet.

Jax gets quiet.

It's Greg who looks at me with the most suspicious look, “And that?”

You would think I was making this all up to Greg. He doesn't trust me. He doesn't believe a word that is coming out of my mouth.

“They might be spying on me...” Jax suggests.

Greg and I look at Jax. He knows something. He is clearly thinking.


“The Mars trip,” Jax explains, “It was me who told them what happened on the Mars trip. No one else said anything. Everyone was too scared to tell them how we survived that long.”

More silence.

“Jax how did you survive?” I ask.

“I don't want you to get involved with this Mario,” he warns me, “I believe you though. I don't think Captain LaPerla trusts me. I'm not sure why me out of everyone else but maybe it's because I'm the one who said something about the trip. The others came up with a convenient case of amnesia. I don't want to tell you...”

Greg looks over at Mario.

“I think you owe both of us an explanation,” Greg suggests.

“I don't owe you shit Greg,” Jax tells him.

“Jax...please,” I suggest.

Jax isn't as strong minded when he comes to me. I take his hands from covering his dick and put them around my waist. I press up against him. I look in his eyes.

If I can have even a fraction of the effect on him that he has on me then the closeness will make him work. The closeness will make him tell me what happened on the Mars trip.

“You don't want to know man...”


“I'll tell you...but you won't believe me,” Jax explains.

“Jax just tell me.”

Jax looks at me. He looks at Greg. He's so nervous. He's breathing heavy. He's sweating.

Then he whispers a few words that shake me to my spine, “We were taken...”

“Taken by … who?”

Jax continues to breathe, “We are...not alone.”

To read the next chapter in advance go to