Date: Sun, 16 Dec 2001 22:06:51 -0800
From: zowell <zowell@mindspring.com>
Subject: Seventh Wave part 1

The 7th Wave
By ShamanCola
part 1

 I found myself wandering down a winding stream. The trees tall on both
sides, reminding me that they had been alive way longer then I,

 This turned my mind to many thoughts, as I wandered down the winding path
that was following the curves of the stream, only interrupted when one of
the majestic redwood trees put its foot down and insisted it would stay, my
mind finally found itself cornered with the thoughts of, 'who am I?'

 'And where was I from?', 'where was I going?', then suddenly the beauty of
nature turned pale and the sounds of its expressions faded into a blur. I
found a place to rest on a large rock ear a small fall, tired, not from the
journey into the woods, but the journey into my mind. Drained of my
strength by these unanswerable Questions, I sat there thinking of something
I had not looked at quite in this way. As the beauty of the wonders about
me fell nearly farther into the far distance as my heart had fallen onto
this thought.. 'Where am I going?'.. Or worse! 'What have I done?' 'Not
now, not here!' remembering I am a guy, I fought with no results, the tear
that was forming, trying to find its way down my cheek. Suddenly looking
around me...had anyone seen this, then I remembered. I was alone, tears
stinging through the forgotten places, damn it! I am a guy. Guys are not
supposed to cry!! Ya right I am a guy, ya....... right!

What have I done! The feeling of jumping up and crashing through the
ancient forest overwhelmed me, the trees and underbrush crashing into me,
scratching me, cutting into my skin. I some how felt I deserved this
punishment. The cool damp forest floor meeting my face. There with all the
frustration I screamed, if only in my mind, but angrily... yet quietly
muttering, no no it!!! Can't be!

I will not be!!!

No I am not.

Silence,

 A word not to be spoken. Not even to be thought...the usual barriers that
served me had fallen away and my mind was searching the following weekend
looking for something, anything. There must have been at least something to
hold onto. There must be one thing in that night to focus on, something to
excuse me. Anything............frantically searching, my mind, replaying
itself there in the woods.

Not here.

The woods had always been a refuge for me, a safe place from the world,
from my mind and all my fears and worries

Not that night!!!!!

My mind loosing this battle and the power the redwoods had over me loosing
its battle, I began to vividly replay the last weekend at the beach.

Here I was at the mall my friends with their dates invite me to go along
to the beach, to the bon fire. I of course still had not found someone to
take, as usual. I looked hesitantly as my friends made it worse by saying
"Hey, you might meet a chick there and get lucky, come on man, you gotta
go" .
 I was always cheered up by my friends and thought 'ya maybe this night
would be different', and then I thought it wouldn't. At least it wasn't the
mall, being my most un-favorite place, however finding myself there
often. There at the mall, always with the guys, but hoping she would show,

Judi. Well I called her 'Jude' for short... like one would need to shorten
such a short name, but she was my bud, and we were almost
inseparable. Often mistaken as girlfriend/boyfriend and often teased, but
it didn't matter. We were best buds; she would often make those long boring
times at the mall go buy like a dream, we always teased her because her
parents were old hippies. Going over to her house was like stepping back
into the 60's. She would just shrug it off, but maybe her family was part
of where she got the different way of approaching everything. There was no
way of not having fun when she was around. Would she be there? At the bon
fire? I hope so.

 I hadn't seen her for three days. She would always say this, usually at
lunch hour..."Man I can't take this, I'm gonna split, are you going with?"
" Ya right my parents would kill me." I'd say, and then off she would
go. As night approached I knew the guys were gona show up looking for me,
and we would go two the beach, Ok, how do you describe this feeling? You
are smashed into the back seat of one of your friends parents car with five
guys, and the driver has had his license for less then a week. And he has
this idea that his parents Chevy Chevette can leave burn marks into the
pavement at each street light, even though each time he tries, there is
only this slight scratching sound, followed by laughter... and the guys
yelling what the hell do you call that? However, he would try again at the
next light.

 What fun right? At least the beach was only a few miles, and maybe with
luck we would make it alive. OK well, I have to say, it was kinda fun,
mixed with the feeling of being crushed to death in an overloaded car. Damn
it Jude you had better show. As we arrive in the dirt parking lot filled
with cars, they scream with anticipation. Knowing their girlfriends would
be there already, I roll my eyes as I know I am in for another night of
watching them hang all over their girlfriends, while I just have to feel
like a third wheel. What fun.

 Damn it, three days. Jude, were the hell are you.

Three days is the usual time you disappear. Then you return with stories I
usually regret having to hear. Man, right now I would beg to hear one of
what I would call her misadventures.

The bon fire is already going strong, surrounded by people 'shockan a
beer'. It took me a while to learn that they were not saying 'shocka a
beer', they were shot gunning a beer. Well you live and learn. I had to
learn I had that the wrong way only after I heard it from someone that was
not 'shockan a beer'. Well, I would try it but I am not fond of throwing up
in front of all my friends, so I always make my self scarce during the
shocka fest.

 JUDE! There she was damn it! There is a god. I will make it through the
night. What the hell have you done to your head? Oh who cares, there she
was...with long braided purple extensions, and some kinda outfit I will not
go into...other then to say, "WHAT THE HELL!

 Did you raid your parents closet?" Well, it doesn't matter. After we hug
(me making it look like I am dying all the while...I am so happy she is
there), I ask "So what did you do this time." She started to tell me when a
roar of testosterone from the guys at the bon fire drowns out her voice.

 We went up to the fire to join the others. I sat down. As always, Jude
would sit next to me. It was a comfort to have a girl by my side even if
she wasn't my girlfriend. I looked around the fire and it was the same
usual group. I saw no one new, it wasn't a large town and everyone knew
everyone else.

 Some times kids from neighboring towns would show up and add a new
interest to the night. It looked like this weekend night would be the same
old trip, well at least it was still unusually warm and I liked it that
way. It would make the long walk down the beach that much nicer,

 I usually took this walk to take a break from all the hooting and
hollering,


 This usually started after most at the bon fire would have a good buzz
going,

However it was the ocean the waves the moon light that the others seemed
two miss, that called me on those long summer walks along the shore

More logs were tossed in the fire and little sparks drifted inland in the
summer breeze, this drew my eyes up two the two figures making there way
down the side of the cliff,

I strained to make them out, as they got closer I could see it was another
couple however I did not recognize them. 'Oh good', I thought, 'someone
new'. They hesitated as they neared the circle of friends, looking for a
welcome when Jude spotted them. Taking a break from her long story the girl
sitting next to her was unfortunate enough to have had to endure, she
jumped up and introduced herself. This broke the ice, and soon the couple
felt right at home. I caught myself staring at them wondering if they were
boyfriend/girlfriend or not. I fantasized they might be brother and sister
and Maybe the guys would be right about this night, and thought she was
cute, when I saw the new guy had noticed I was staring. I quickly turned my
focus to the fire feeling a little embarrassed when it hit me. Who was he?
There was something familiar about him. Had I seen him before? No, that
wasn't it. Did he look like someone I knew? No, that wasn't it either, so
carefully peeking over to get another look,

 Shit! He was still looking at me!

 Quickly I turned my gaze back to the fire, I thought, 'you did it now, the
only new people on the beach, and the guy caught me sizing up his girl
friend'. I swear I can screw up anything even something as simple as
sitting by a bon fire, I wondered if he was still staring at me, so I took
another glance. What a relief he wasn't... so I took the opportunity to
stare at him for a while. What was it about him, I just couldn't put my
finger on it. He sure was cute though. THAT IS IT I AM OUTTAHERE. To be
continued: If you liked or not let me know at zowell@mindspring.com Thanks
ShamanCola/Zowell