Date: Fri, 27 Dec 2002 17:18:23 +0000 From: Riv Riv Subject: A Snowy Day Chapter 2 Here it is! Chapter Two. After Chapter One this may seem long and boring and everything, but I think this was needed, just so you find out a little bit more of the characters involved in this story. I'll leave it at that and let you decide for yourself on your reactions! Once again, please feel free to write! I must say, the encouragement and feedback I got from the first chapter was utterly astounding, and the pressure was on to keep this a good story. I hope I did all right! Riv A Snowy Day Chapter Two I don't really recall getting home, or going up to my room for that matter. When I realized where I was though I was on my bed, still wearing my coat and scarf, staring at the various glow-in-the-dark stickers that adorned my ceiling. The room was quite dark. I brought out my flashlight from underneath the bed and shined it on the Jupiter sticker. After a couple of seconds, I moved on to Saturn, then Mars, and each planet in turn started glowing on my ceiling. After I finished my entire makeshift universe, I turned the flashlight off and let it roll off my bed. It landed on my carpeted floor with a thud. Above me, the various planets and stars all shown brightly. It was only then I realized how late it must be. I looked at my bedside clock. 6:15. "Tommy!" I heard my mom call from downstairs. I didn't answer. "Tommy, are you home?" "Yeah." I croaked, then repeated it a little louder. Its amazing how well our voices carry through this house. "What are you doing?" Her shout came up the stairs again. "Nothing." I shouted back. There was a moment's pause before I heard footsteps coming up the stairs. My room was the first door at the top of the landing, and I had left it open. In a moment I saw her head sticking through my bedroom doorway. "What are you doing here without a light on?" She said in a normal tone, both concern and bewilderment evident. "Nothing." I heard my mom sigh. Then she came into my room to close the curtains behind me, turning the light on on the way in. The sudden brightness caught me off guard and I shielded my eyes with my arms. "Why are you still wearing your coat?" I slowly took my arms away from my face, squinting up at her. "Honey, have you been crying?" She reached down to run her fingers across my cheek. I closed my eyes. "What happened?" What exactly had happened? I left my house at noon, intending to make things up with Billy, to start over again where we had left off. I thought I had a great plan. Sure I had been nervous, but I must have thought my plan would succeed or I wouldn't have done it. The nervousness was just there to make it more of an ordeal, but not an impossibility. What had gone wrong then? A sudden shiver ran through me. Was it possible that Billy actually hated me? Anyone who saw this afternoon's display would think he did. But this was Billy, the person I had shared my sandwiches with back in grade-school. The person I used to trade comic books with. The person that was always there for me. A nasty voice crept into the back of my mind then: Why did you turn your back on him then in the first place? "Well, that's where I'm an ass." I mumbled to myself out loud. "What was that?" Mom looked down at me again. She had been stroking my hair absentmindedly, trying to soothe me, knowing she would never get a direct response out of her teenage son. I sighed. She was right, of course, there was nothing for me to tell her. A part of me wanted to tell her, to scream it out, give her everything, to get rid of this heavy burden I had been carrying over four years now. My young body was getting tired, and the weight only seemed to get heavier as the years progressed. But this wasn't my mother's problem, I couldn't burden her with it. And despite the fact that the entire school "knew" Billy's secret, it was still a so-called school rumor. Billy himself had never openly admitted his sexual orientation to the world and as far as I knew, no one in the adult world knew. If I told my mom, that would get the rumors going among her friends. I would really win back Billy then. Guess who told the other half of our town about you? That was me too!! "So, what do you want for dinner?" "Huh?" I looked up again to find my mom smiling, a halo around her face from blocking the light. It was a peaceful image, and for an instant it took away the pain I was feeling deep within myself. But all too soon she moved away, shattering the illusion. I crashed back down to reality, and I felt sick once again. "Mom, I actually don't feel like eating." "Why honey?" She came back to sit on my bedside again. "Really. Can I just skip it? I feel tired, I wanna sleep." I gave her an extra pitiful look for good measure. "I can bring you up something later, if you like." "No, I'll be fine." I was already crawling under my covers. The top of my blanket was wet from me laying there still wearing my snow-soaked coat from outside. "Remember, you have school tomorrow." I shot upright in bed. "School!" "That's right. Make-up day for all those snow days you've had last week." I could have killed our principal. What kind of asshole makes up for snow days during winter vacation? "And if you're counting on the snow to save you again, I'm sorry to say it's stopped since three in the afternoon. Roads should be cleared by morning." Great, just what I needed. I sulked under my blanket, not bothering to answer her. I heard the click of the light switch and my room fell into darkness once more. Fatigue hit me like a thunderbolt. I had planned on doing some more thinking, but could hardly even keep my thoughts in order. I closed my eyes. A violent ringing brought me out of my dream back into the ugly world. I brought my palm down on my alarm, and the room went silent immediately. I wiped my eyes, trying to remember my dream, but it was fast fading. It had been a pleasant dream, and I wanted to hold on to some of it. But my thoughts from the day before quickly replaced those good feelings, and soon I was left in the same shitty mood I had been in the day before. So much for a good dream. I contemplated just going back to bed and continuing my dream, but I also knew Mom would never let me. If I wasn't down in ten minutes, she would be up here. If you think moms are always kind and cuddling, you haven't met my mom in morning. Never mess with her before 8:00AM. I slowly got dressed in a T-shirt and sweater before chancing a look outside to see what kind of outerwear was in order. I opened the curtains and was blinded by the sun reflecting off of the snow. My eyes soon got used to it though and a closer observation told me the snowplows had been up early doing their jobs. Most of the road was already clear. I sighed. Guess school will be in session after all. Not that I ever doubted it would be. I was certain our principal had made sure those trucks were out there from 2:00AM to shovel the snow off the roads. I could just picture him, standing out in the shivering cold of the wee hours of morning, ordering truck drivers twice his size to "get their rear in gear" and clear up the roads. At barely five feet, our principal was a short man. But whatever he lacked in height, he made up in width. You know how it is for suitcases? Their size is measured in linear inches where you add the height, length and width? Well, if we did that with humans, our principal would have the same length in linear inches as any other ordinary man. I made my way downstairs to find the rest of my family all gathered around the breakfast table. Dad was behind his newspaper with his morning coffee. Angela, my little sister in eighth grade, was cramming notes into her brain for a test she no doubt had today. I mentally went over my own schedule, hoping I didn't have any tests of my own. Even Nick was up, though he was on vacation, and no doubt out late last night partying with his old friends from the neighborhood. "Good morning." Mom put down a plate of freshly made pancakes with strawberries on the side. I take it back. Mom must have been in a good mood this morning. Usually we all settle for cereal in the mornings, we're all too busy. "What's this?" I asked, chomping down on my pancakes, feeling a little better about my day. I remembered then I had skipped dinner the night before. "Got a call from my office." Mom said with a grin. I noticed then she was still in her nighttime robe. "The heating system broke last night, the entire buildings been closed until the repair people come sometime this afternoon." "Wish I was working in your building." Dad said as he put his newspaper down. He had his tie on. "I don't feel like going into work today." "Like you ever do." Nick put in. Dad smiled weakly. "Sure I do!" He popped a strawberry into his mouth. "Though I can't think of a time off hand." "Well, I'm on holiday so I think I'll just take it easy today." Nick drawled out the end of his sentence for Dad. "Oh, this will be perfect. I can clean the house before your grandparents arrive tonight." Mom suddenly exclaimed as she sat herself down in her own chair. "Nicky, you can help me. We'll have some fun together!" The look on Nick's face was priceless. No sooner had Mom said that, Angela stood wordlessly from her seat, her eyes still darting back and forth over her note cards. I glanced at the clock, wondering what the hurry was. We still had an hour before school actually started. "Dad's taking you to school, if that's what you're wondering." Nick stated, seeing my perplexed look. I looked at Dad who only nodded, getting ready to leave himself. "Mom ... " "No, Thomas, I don't want you driving through this snow." She cut me off immediately. "Too dangerous." "But I haven't even packed my school stuff yet!" "You'd better hurry then, I've got to drop you two off before heading to the office." "Mom!" I whined. "If you can't make it, take the school bus, it'll come in half an hour." That was her reply. "Man!" I ran up the stairs to get my stuff. I could hear Nick snickering behind me. It was a quick drive to school, only ten minutes or so. I looked around at the empty parking lot, knowing hardly anyone would be here at this hour. Dad dropped us off at the school front and drove off. Angela waved before heading off to the middle school, still going over her notes. She wasn't a brain or anything. She must have been up late last night doing something else and remembered just this morning that she had a test. I sighed. Then I hoisted my backpack onto my shoulders and entered my building. I was blasted with heat the moment I opened the doors and quickly took off my scarf. I walked on towards my locker where I deposited my jacket and other things and closed it again. The dull clank echoed in the lonely hallway. I looked up and down the brightly lit corridor. It was freaky how no one was here. "Where to go ... " I mumbled to myself. I knew most of the classrooms would still be locked. An effort to stop vandalizing, unsupervised rooms were to be locked at all times. I decided to go to the library, a common hangout for us. It's not like we ever went there to study. It was where we always gathered to chat, which of course pissed off the librarians, but everyone used the place for socializing, so there was not much they could do about it. The library, for once, was quiet, with only a few diligent students doing their homework in secluded corners of the room. I looked around, trying to find someone I knew, and failing once again. I grabbed a magazine from the rack and sat down at one of the tables. It took me less than five minutes to skim through the entire thing. I put the magazine down, leaning in my chair, willing the clock hand to move faster. The door opened and I looked over involuntarily. I jumped when I saw who it was. I quickly brought the magazine back up and hid my face behind it. What was he doing here this early, anyway? Everything that had happened yesterday, which had been slowly easing off my conscience through my various morning routines, came crashing back at full force. I slowly brought my magazine lower and peeked over the top towards the counter, where I could hear whispering. The voices were too soft I couldn't make out any words, but I could tell one of them was Billy's. I found him talking with one of the librarians, who was smiling warmly at him. A pang of jealousy shot through me for no apparent reason. They were discussing something about a new book, and I strained to make out what they were saying, but despite the library being dead quiet, I couldn't make it out. Their conversation ended abruptly and Billy turned around. I didn't even have time to hide my face behind my magazine again. Our eyes met, and Billy's eyes narrowed the moment he saw me. He kept his gaze for a moment before he turned his head and walked away to the farthest corner possible from where I was sitting. There he sat down, took out a novel from the back pocket of his backpack, and began to read. I looked back at my own magazine, wondering what I should do. Reading was totally out of the question. A part of me wanted to run over to Billy, throw myself at his feet, and beg his forgiveness for everything I had done. The scary thing was, I could see Billy walking away from me, not giving me a second glance, leaving me there on the floor begging. No screaming, no tears, just ignoring me and leaving me. The pain caused just by that thought was enough to make me hang my head in shame. How could I have let things go so far, and so, so wrong? Sudden laughter caught my attention. Two of the school bullies had entered the library and had found Billy sitting by himself in the corner. They were taunting him, shoving him around, and just being a nuisance. And yet Billy just sat there, appearing to be unfazed by it all. The bigger one then knocked his book out of his hand. For a second I saw him look up at the bigger boy, but quickly he reached down to the floor to pick his book up. A librarian had made her way over there by then and got the two bullies out, though without getting her own share of foul words from them. I returned my attention on Billy, who sat there looking like nothing had happened. But upon closer observation I realized he wasn't turning the pages, and he was just staring at his book. Was he crying? After all these years of it, did it still bring tears to his eyes. Billy then turned his head towards me again, and for the second time in the span of ten minutes, our eyes locked. He was sitting too far away for me to read any emotion in his eyes, but we stared at each other for a good minute before he broke eye contact. I then saw him wipe his eyes with his sleeve and put his backpack over his shoulder again. And just like he had entered, he left, without a word to anyone. I sat there in a daze, going over the events again. I knew what I should have done. I knew it every time I saw it happening to him. It wasn't anything new -- as a matter of fact, that taunting had been on the milder side. But I couldn't bring myself to do it. I couldn't go up and defend him. I couldn't even go up to talk to him. I couldn't be seen by others around him, or I would be labeled myself, I would have to endure the same torture that Billy suffered through, day after day. I would be labeled gay, and I would lose all of my friends. I would become lonely and miserable. And I couldn't let that happen. So whenever I saw Billy being bullied I turned the other way, and pretended he didn't exist, that it wasn't happening. I had gotten pretty good at it. Yet, I had just seen that happening clear as day, I hadn't been able to block it out. The image was as vivid as my memory of the first time I had witnessed him being bullied, all the way back in middle school. The first time I could have done something, and the first time I had turned my back on him. The library began to get noisy. People were finally arriving. Ken came sauntering in, his hair hidden under his cap, his bulging upper body well concealed in his letter jacket. He spotted me at my table and came over. "Last day of school man!" He gave me our usual handshake. He must have noticed my lack of enthusiasm. "What's up man? Bad weekend?" "Yeah." I think he was waiting for me to elaborate. Imagine that. Ken the jock, actually trying to have a decent conversation. "I don't feel like talking about it." "What, your girlfriend still won't give?" He grinned his big toothy grin, trying to lighten up the mood. It wasn't working. "You know very well I don't have a girlfriend." I glared at my friend. "Whoa, dude!" He held up both hands in front of him. "Sorry, I'm just ... " I felt like shit. "I just don't feel well." If I was hoping for him to say something nice, it wasn't going to come. Just then his bimbo girlfriend Brianna popped in and came to sit on his lap. All his attention was focused on her now. The flirting going on right across the table soon got too much for me and I decided to leave for homeroom. I was pretty sure the classrooms would be unlocked by now. Out in the corridor I made a mental note to act nice around those two later today at lunch. It wasn't like they were bad people, normally I got along with both of them quite well. Our group isn't the most popular in school, but I think we wouldn't be far off to say we were somewhere close. It was made up of all sorts of people too. Like we had jocks like Ken, goofs like me, brains like Jonathan and Miles; the whole bit. What we all shared was we had grown up together, and somehow, despite our different interests, were still together as a solid group of friends. Our high status was maintained by the good relations we had with everyone else. I entered homeroom and sat down in my usual seat. Not many people were there but the room soon filled up. Miles came in and staggered over to where I was, his eyes hardly open. His head hit the desk the moment he sat down. I snickered. "Long night?" "Armgph." Was all I got in response. Morning classes were a bore. Actually, all the classes were a bore. I was right, we didn't have any tests. Which was a good thing, but that left us doing nothing in every class. The teachers didn't want to be here, the students definitely didn't want to be here, and we couldn't cover new material anyway because we were sure to forget it during the long winter break. Most of my classes ended up as study hall, and that left me with a lot of time to think things over, something I didn't want to do. I wanted distractions. After lunch I had Japanese. I joined back in Seventh grade, thinking after a year of it I could understand Dragonball Z in its original form. Four years later, in my junior year, I had mastered the basic writing system, and only that. It was a bizarre language. Thing was even here Sensei told us to have study hall, and everyone went back to chatting. I didn't have any of my good friends in this class, they were all learning something useful like French or German. Well, in the beginning I had had a friend, we had joined together, both obsessed over Dragonball back then. I looked over to the window seat where Billy always sat. The desk in front of him was vacated, and the person sitting to the right of him had picked up his stuff and left to talk to someone on the opposite side of the classroom. It almost looked like a barrier between him and the rest of the class. The end of the day brought shouts of joy from everyone as we all hurried to leave for our long awaited winter break. I made my way back to my locker and got my things out, closing it one last time. "See you next year." I told it in a whisper. "Aww, talking to your locker, how sweet." I looked up and saw Ken with his ever pleasant grin. I couldn't help smile myself a little. "Well, it's good to see you're feeling better. You scared us all at lunch, ya know. Didn't say one word. That's gotta be a record for you." I laughed. "So, you wanna come to the mall with us?" Ken asked. "Gonna catch a movie, eat out, all the fun stuff." He waited for my answer. "Man, I'm sorry. I don't think I'm up for it." I replied. "Aww come on!" He threw an arm around me. "School ended, you just need to get out of here, get loosened up!" I thought about it for a minute, but then remembered Grandma and Grandpa were arriving tonight too. It would probably be best for me to be home for that. "No, really, I should be getting home." "Get the fuck out of my way!" We heard someone shout and we both looked over to see what was going on. A big and dumb looking senior had just pushed a smaller blonde kid out of his way. "What you think you're doin' queer? You're blocking the entire hall!" At that point I saw who the victim was and cringed. I was sure getting a lot of him today. "So, you really don't wanna come?" "Huh?" I turned back towards Ken and saw him looking intently at me. "Sorry, what?" I looked back at Billy. The senior had just pushed him into a locker. All his books and papers he was carrying flew out of his arms. "Dude, I'm over here!" Ken waved his arm in front of me. "But ... but ... " I kind of pointed over towards Billy. Ken turned around again for a second before looking back at me with a weird look. "What, what about that?" I stared into Ken's eyes. And all I found was utter bewilderment. "Nothing. Nothing at all." I said, barely above a whisper. Then I added, "Listen, my grandparents are coming over tonight, and I gotta head back early. I'll catch you sometime later this week?" "All right. I'll call you." Ken slapped me on the back. "Get enough sleep. You seem out of it today." He then gave me a grin and left me there by my locker. I looked back at Billy. His assaulter had gone off, and I found him on the floor, desperately trying to pick up his fallen papers. There were a lot of other kids around him, but no one even turned to look at him, to offer a hand to help. A younger kid came walking through with a bunch of his friends, and he kicked one of Billy's books further down the hall. I saw Billy look after them for a moment from the floor before going back to picking his stuff up. Something snapped within me then. Everything that had happened during that day had been building up to this, and finally, I couldn't handle it anymore. I felt my legs moving. I stormed my way through the ignorant bystanders, all talking excitedly among themselves, oblivious to Billy scurrying about at their feet collecting his stuff. I came up to the book the kid had kicked away. I slowly reached down to pick it up, and brought the book back up. I turned around, and made my way back to Billy. Everything seemed to be in slow motion all of a sudden. I kneeled down beside Billy. He hadn't seen me walk over and pick up his book. I sat there for a moment, watching him sort the last of his papers, before extending my hand out to him with his book. Time stood still. It only began to move again when he looked up, and for the third time that day, our eyes met. "Your book." I heard my own voice. "Thanks." And then time went into fast forward. Before I had a chance to say anything more, Billy had stood, and was hurrying down the corridor. I sat there for a moment more before standing up myself and jogged after him. I turned the corner and saw the side door closing. I opened the door and scanned the courtyard, and found a person quickly making his way towards the bike shed. I chased after him, and caught up to him at the entrance to the shed. "Billy, wait up." He froze, but didn't turn around. I went around to face him, and stood there, looking at him. I tried to think of something to say to him, but I couldn't find anything to say again. Instead I stared, stared all over. "What do you want?" Once again he broke the silence. His voice was so soft. "I wanted to ... wanted to ... " I trailed off again. "Well, do you know what I want?" Billy suddenly had that fire in his eyes again. I involuntarily took a step back. "I want you to stop bothering me. Everything was fine! Fine!! It was all fine before you came to my house yesterday, but now, look at me! I can't stop crying for some reason when someone does the smallest of things to me! I'm used to it, I can handle it. I haven't cried over any of this for years now!" "Billy, I'm sorry." "For what?" He sniffed. "For this? Or for everything else?" "For everything." I looked down. "Absolutely everything." There was silence again. I looked up and found him nodding. "Fine." He said between gasps. "Fine. Apology not accepted." "But ... " "I can't do this, Thomas." He said, walking away from me again. "I need to hate you, I can't let myself do what I did before. Cause if I did that, I don't think I could last a second time." And with that, he was gone again. I stood there, dumbfounded, in the school courtyard for another good half hour. There it is, Chapter Two! Like I said in the beginning, this chapter doesn't have that fire and mystery the first chapter has. It is like the introduction that I skipped in the first chapter, just to get you all hooked! haha. In reality though, this was a harder chapter to write, especially after all the great feedback I got. I really do hope it has kept up, and await your responses to that. Chapter Three, I promise things will start to get resolved and you will find out more of the past - the introductions end here! hehe. So, look forward to that coming soon! thanks again for reading! Riv